When Your Buddies Marry and Become Scarce

Are you a man whose friends all seem to be getting married, or maybe they're just living with their girlfriends, and these men never seem to have time for you, or enough time, anymore?

Perhaps the worst thing you can do in response to this is to get married yourself. Don't make that mistake! Most of you should avoid marrying, avoid living with a woman, avoid impregnating a woman, and avoid signing contracts (like leases, loans, etc.) with women.

Yeah, it sucks when your buddies get married and become scarce. It's probably not you personally. This is a very common thing, Why? Well, there are many reasons:

1) She runs their life, especially their social calendar. If he's lucky, he'll get some guy time, but even then, it might be time with the guys who are married to her friends. They are going to spend most of their social time with her married friends and her family, or as a couple.

2) He has chores and errands because of her. All of those "honey dos".

3) He doesn't have money to spend anymore. He needs to pay for the things she wants. and whatever debts she brought into the marriage she's now getting him to pay off. So, it isn't so easy for him to go to a game or concert or do whatever with you that's going to cost money.

4) He has to work more to pay for his (her) now-more-expensive lifestyle.

5) He can't do many of the things he used to do with you and the other guys. She might not let him. And you, in general, are a reminder of what he's given up, especially if you're telling him (or posting on social media) about the wonderful things you are doing that you most likely wouldn't be doing if you had a wife and especially if you had kids.

But here's the good news for you, if you're still interested in a friendship with him.

Men You Shouldn't Marry

This post is directed at women. 

I've written a lot here about women men shouldn't marry. But how about men that women shouldn't marry?

I've gathered these from women in general, media by and directed at women, and marriage advocates of both sexes, including Dr. Laura. Plus, as a man, I know how men can be, so I figure I should warn you.

Most of these are reason enough individually to NOT marry him, but if more than one describes him, that's even worse! In no particular order:

1. You're not strongly attracted to him. If he doesn't make you tingle and make you weak in the knees, you can't marry him. It wouldn't be fair to him and you're not going to be happy for very long.

2. He's younger than 28, or older than 40 and has never been married, or more than 10 years older than you, or more than a few years younger than you. If he's younger than 28, he's too young and immature to marry. If he's 41 or older and has never been married, he doesn't really want to be married or there is something else terribly wrong with him. If he's 11 or more years older than you, he just wants a young hardbody he can manipulate. If he's more than a few years younger than you, he wants a Mommy, not a wife.

3. He's proposed in less than 24 months. He's not taking marriage seriously. He doesn't know you and you don't know him. He's desperate.

4. He wants a prenup. That means he's planning to leave you.

5. He asks you about your sexual past. He's an insecure, misogynistic pervert.
 
6. He's not an Alpha Male. You need a stoic REAL MAN who takes charge, can handle himself, and handles business, not some wimpy guy whining a bout his feelings.

7. He's a Momma's Boy. You don't want a guy who cares so much what his mother thinks and is always catering to her, especially if he's lived with her after turning 18.

8. He has a family member in his life who is trouble. He should have distanced himself from any problematic family member.

9. He flirts with other women, like waitresses, receptionists, etc. Smiling at these women, looking them in the eye, joking with them, laughing at their jokes... who needs that?!? You should be the only woman to whom he looks.

10. He's not established in his career and making a lot of money. You can't build a marriage, let alone a family, with a guy who is still trying to figure out what he's going to be when he grows up, who needs to relocate, who is still getting an education.

11. He earns less than you. Why do you need that? You want a man who will take care of you. Plus, it isn't good for his ego.

12. He doesn't have at least as much education as you. You deserve a husband who has at least as much education as you, not some loafer who can't finish anything.

13. He's too focused on work. If he works long hours, or doesn't make it home to have dinner with you, or is texting/calling/emailing his boss, coworkers, or subordinates when he's with you, then he's neglectful and his priorities are screwed up.

14. He's plays video games. Why would he do such a childish thing when he could be watching The Bachelor with you?

15. He has a Facebook account. Did you know people survived for thousands of years without Facebook? A guy shouldn't be on Facebook.

16. He doesn't ask you what you want. He should be seeking your happiness, not being self-centered. 

17. He doesn't share his feelings. If he's not going to open up to you and be vulnerable, you can't have a real relationship.

18. He doesn't discuss things with you. If he's not willing to discuss anything and everything with you, then you can't have a real relationship.

19. He has shacked up. This means he's OK with mistreating and using women and doesn't value marriage.

20. He wont tell you about his sexual past. He's hiding something and has hang-ups, and probably erectile dysfunction. He's quite possibly gay. He's definitely had way too many sex partners. 

21. He's viewed porn. This means he's OK with sex trafficking, objectifying, abusing, and raping women and probably kids as well. He's not going to be satisfied with a real woman. Porn melts brains and turns men into serial killers. It's a public health crisis. Most importantly, his eyes should only be for you.

22. He's divorced. Second marriages have a 70-percent divorce rate, and he probably can't keep a woman happy.

23. He's a widower. A real man protects and takes care of his wife. Fail. 

24. He's had sex. If he's had sex outside of marriage, then he's OK with having sex outside of marriage, which means he's more likely to cheat on you. If he's only had sex inside of marriage, it means he's either divorced or a widower, which we already covered. 

25. He has kids. Maybe he had them within marriage, but remember, he shouldn't have had prior marriages. And if he had them outside of marriage, he's more likely to have them outside of YOUR marriage! And if those kids are minors, he should be focused on raising them, not bringing a stepmother into their life. He's going to choose them over you, and if he doesn't he should!

26. He neglects his mother. If he neglects her, he'll neglect you. A man who isn't warm and doting on his mother won't dote on you.

27. He's an only child. He doesn't have any siblings to babysit your children or provide other support. He's used to getting his way and doesn't understand sibling dynamics or what it is like to live with kids. The burden of caring for his parents will fall solely on him.

28. He's never dated a woman with kids. He doesn't like kids! He's unable or unwilling to step up and be a real man and take on a paternal role. He's selfish. He's not attracted to women who've had kids, which will doom your relationship.

29. He abandoned a kid of an ex. He's cold-hearted and doesn't care about children if he didn't keep being a paternal figure to the child of an ex.

30. He's lived on his own for many years. He's used to having his own way. How is he going to live with you?

31. He asks you what you want. He should know already! Why is he adding to your emotional labor???

32. He had a girlfriend or crush when he was in high school or younger. That means he's attracted to minors, which makes him a pedophile. You can verify this whether or not he's admitted to having such a crush by showing him a picture of a model who is is 17 years and 11 months old. Don't tell him her age. Ask if he thinks she's pretty. If he says yes, he's a pedophile. 

33. He has the kids of ex girlfriends in his life. That's going go confuse any kids you have with him and take away time and possibly money from them. What's worse is that it will keep him in touch with his ex girlfriend.

34. He compliments you on your appearance. This means that he's a misogynist who objectifies you. 

35. He's cold to waitresses, receptionists, etc. and will barely look at them. If that's the way he treats them, that's the way he will eventually treat you. He's not a good person.

36. He hasn't had sex. Something must be wrong with him and he's not desired by other women. If they don't want him, you shouldn't either. 

37. He argues with you. He should respect your opinion enough to defer to you, not cause you stress.

38. He yells. This is abuse and will lead to you being battered.  

39. It's been 30 months and he hasn't proposed. Leave. He's wasting your time. Do not accept a proposal from him, because he wouldn't be proposing because he really wants you, just because you decided to leave.  

This isn't an exhaustive list, such as a criminal record, substance abuse, and him not being at least a few inches taller than you.

Don't settle, ladies!!! Refuse to marry or live with a man who is beneath you!!!

Marriage Material Men

How I Know Running Game Works

I know running game works because I've seen it work, over and over. I've seen it work on my sister, on coworkers, on classmates, and on women who seek advice from, or tell of their experiences, on radio shows, in columns, forums, etc.

But I also know running game works because it worked for me.

Back in my "single" days, I never went full "running game." I adopted some tactics. And they worked.

When I first heard about running game, it seemed like it couldn't possibly work because it went against everything else I'd been taught. But when I stopped being the romantic gentleman puppy dog focusing on one woman, when I did adopt some of the tactics of running game, it was amazing how well it worked. I spent far less time, money, and effort on these women and yet they were eager to see me and get physical.

What did I do?

Answering Marriage Seller Assertions, Talking Points, and Questions - Part 11

 

Read Part 1 here and Part 2 here and Part 3 here and Part 4 here and Part 5 here and Part 6 here and Part 7 here and Part 8 here and Part 9 here and Part 10 here.

Marriage channels male sexuality.

This is an unproven assertion. It depends entirely on the opinions of the person asserting it and how they are defining terms. The words used can mean different things. But there is no definitive, clear way to prove that John Doe is better behaved because he married, or his dis-likeable behavior is because he's unmarried. It's one of those statements that sounds good, and marriage sellers simply rely on people nodding their head in agreement rather than questioning what it even means.

Most marriages in the USA (and maybe another country you're in) involve the expectation of monogamy, or at least the wife's veto over the husband's sexual desires. This is usually what the marriage seller means: beating a man down. Putting him on a leash (and not in the kinky way). Putting aside swinging, threesomes, hotwifing (ask Jerry Falwell Jr. to explain that one to you), polyamory, "plural marriage," and other forms of having the wife officially on board with her husband having other partners, many married men still have mistresses and affair partners, flings/one night stands, or go to prostitutes.

It might help to ask the marriage seller who uses this argument "What do you mean by that?" Maybe they will hallucinate about an imaginary person, or they will tell on themselves.

What exactly are they afraid would happen if even fewer men married? Men who want to have sex with women can't have sex with women unless those women agree or unless it is rape. So are they worried that a man who decides not to marry is going to rape? Or that he's going to get consent from many different women? Or... what exactly? If they're worried about rape, what they're telling you is that a woman should marry a rapist because they think it's more likely he'll only rape her. If they are worried the man is going to conceive children he won't take care of, well, plenty of married men do that. But how about encouraging vasectomies? If they claim "children without fathers" is their concern, ask them if it would be OK if he had a vasectomy, or was only with women incapable of conceiving or they always avoided intercourse.

It's funny that some of the same marriage sellers who make this assertion also say that married men get more sex. So... unmarried men have "unchanneled" sexuality, but aren't having much sex? That would be their claim, anyway.

This assertion might boil down to "I don't like the way you/other unmarried men are carrying on." So what? So what if this other person doesn't like it? I see husbands and wives do a lot of things I don't like.

Again, varying replies might work, depending.

A) Running game also channels male sexuality.

B) Male sexuality can be channeled without a terrible state contract.

C) I channel my sexuality very well without a terrible state contract.

D) Men can be monogamous or otherwise restrained or responsible in their sexuality without a terrible state contract.

E) Marriage starves male sexuality.

As with many other things in life, do not simply accept assertions and claims as true without questioning them. So many of the arguments marriage sellers use are flimsy and depend on you simply accepting a platitude.

Some Free Women Say They Wanted a Family

Melanie Notkin, an apparently free woman, writes about free women who wanted to marry and have kids, and contrasting their situation with women who did marry.

“I was 22 when we met,” Lisa said of her future husband. “We broke up a few times, but I stuck with it. I gave him ultimatums!”

That's a train wreck.

It took the man, 13 years Lisa’s senior, six years to put a ring on it.

The fool.

“You can’t control who you fall in love with and who falls in love with you,” I added, in my defense.

Chemistry matters.

“Love shmove!” Lisa said with a look of disbelief in her eyes as if someone had pulled the wool over mine.

Lisa's poor husband.

Was it better to have never truly loved and gotten married than to have loved and lost it all?

Best to stay free.

What I’d said was true: I had been in love and had my heart broken. A few times. And as the years passed, each disappointment grew as my hope for children dwindled.

This wasn’t my plan. I was ready to get married at age 21, two years after my mother’s early death at age 52. I yearned to recreate her maternal love with my own children.

Yikes.

While I had grown up in a traditional Jewish home, after she died, I became more observant, believing on some level that religious young men were more likely ready to create a family that would gather around the warm glow of the Shabbat table on Friday nights. (Later, I’d learn at least my instincts were right.)

At age 24, I packed up my life in Montreal, Canada, and moved to New York City to find that great Jewish man, the future father of my children. It was surely the best possible plan. 

This month marks 30 years in Manhattan, still single and no chance of becoming a mother. As the old Jewish adage goes: We plan; God laughs.

Now why is that? Not enough Jewish men in the right age range? Did she not put herself in the right places? Did she not give off the right signals?

My second book, a memoir called Otherhood: Modern Women Finding a New Kind of Happiness was published in 2014. Along with my own story, I share the experiences of Generation X and older millennial women who expected the love, marriage, and children our mothers had, along with greater access to higher education and the careers they didn’t have. It wasn’t that most of my generation chose the latter over the former. We simply expected that we would date and pay the rent simultaneously, just like the men we were dating did.

Maybe men and women are different?

I first chose a low-paying non-profit career with greater flexibility to take care of my future children. I invested time and money in online dating sites in my twenties, matchmaking services in my thirties, and singles events (or big ticket charity events where there would be plenty of singles), into my forties.

We don't know how she behaved during her activities, though.

Now, age 54, I am among the 25% percent of Americans who by age 40 have never married. And I have surpassed the 46.7% of never-married women ages 40-50 who are childless.

Keep up the good work, guys!

It’s not that we did not want to marry. We did.

Wanting to marry isn't the same thing as wanting to be a wife, though.

The breadth of women who did everything they were supposed to do to prepare themselves for the life they imagined now stretches to the younger cohort who land on the college campus of their choice only to have few men to choose from. Or, they’ve graduated and moved to the big city, only to find it just as hard to meet someone. Childless women in their twenties out-earn their male peers in 20 metropolitan areas. For these women, meeting a man who is also ready to meet their match is more challenging than ever.

Why does it matter if she earns more, hmm?

Nonetheless, this narrative assumes women don’t plan well, make poor choices, put our careers first, are too picky, or believe love is a fairytale. And for those of us who didn’t find love in time for the children we yearn(ed) for and who grieve our loss, it’s often assumed we were too naive to understand our fertility would end. We waited too long, they say. Left it too late, they admonish. As if we didn’t have painful monthly reminders. For most of us, it wasn’t our choice.

I can believe that there are women who did "everything" right and still never married even though they wanted to marry. Better they not have married than to have had a bad marriage, though.

While more young women today say they are remaining single and childless by choice, I have my doubts that it’s what most of them truly want.

Believe women.

Perhaps she would have been more likely to marry if family law and courts weren't so terrible? Something to think about. Because we can change laws and courts.

What If Being Free Was Just as Visible as Marriage?

A smaller percentage of Americans are married now than any time in American history.

Marriage, however, is constantly visible and it is sold with gusto, more than anything through focusing on weddings. What if being free was just as visible as marriage?

• What if it was common to have jewelry, photography, gifts, announcements, a series of parties, meals, ceremonies, special attire, receptions, cards, and anniversary celebrations related to divorce?
• What if we celebrated the free status of never-married person every year they were free?
• What if it was common to change your name or title based on your status of having chosen not to marry?
  

Seriously. What if, every year a man (or a woman) has made it through life avoiding marriage, there was a celebration of it? What if, when a man (or a woman) decided they wanted to stay free, there was a series of parties and a ceremony and reception for it? What if we had "independence counselors" like we have marriage counselors? (There's probably far less money in that, because free people don't have to argue with someone who shares their residence and bank account!)

What if more media depicted freedom as something to which to aspire? What if we encouraged kids to dream about growing up to be free?

What if more people posted on social media things like, "I came home to peace and quiet, with everything the way I want it. So glad to be free!"?

Men, especially, need to let younger men and boys see that being free can be a great life, and there's no shame in it at all.

Daycare is Almost Always Voluntary and is Generally a Bad Choice

One of the most repeated sentiments in parenting conversations these days is parents claiming that they "had no choice" but to put their kid(s) into daycare or that it is a GOOD thing for the kids.

In almost every case, this is a big, stinking pile of dung.


Putting a child in daycare comes at the end of a series of CHOICES that the parent(s) made. By the way, day care is anything before the kid is 5, whatever it is called... nursery school, pre-K, transitional K, pre-school... it's all daycare.

If you aren't "able" to raise your own child, don't have one!

What Do I Mean By Free Men?

I like using the term "Free Men."

What do I mean by that?

For the purposes of this blog and related communications, Free Men are men who are free of legal and financial entanglements with women.

Ideally, they are also free of social bondage to women and do not have any dependent children, especially not children over which a woman has any parental rights. 

A Free Man is, at the very least:

• Unmarried
  
  
• Residing independently from women
  
  
• Without legal or financial obligations with women, such as a cosign for a loan or account, co-ownership of property or anything else of significant value, a mortgage or rental agreement, paying child support, paying alimony or palimony. A woman should not have access to your home or finances; she should not be on a lease or rental agreement with you and should have no ownership rights over any home you own. You should never impregnate a woman or donate sperm or in any way look after or pay for her child (such as with a single mother who wants to be your "friend" or girlfriend.)
  
  
• Unrestrained by any agreement to exclusivity with a woman

Usually, he's also going to be childfree.

"Why Can't Men Be Upfront and Honest?" - Part 2

Part 1 of This Series

Short answer: Because that doesn't get them what they want. 

Longer answer:

Letting things go unspoken, letting women continue with their self-created delusions and misperceptions, engaging women by running game gets men what they want.

Let's consider a very familiar scenario.

What is Running Game?

I'm not talking about sprinting.

Running Game is a way of dealing with women that reduces costs and risks while increasing sexual or personal success.

Running game works because of how women are.

A man who is experienced and skilled at running game will have just about as much sex/affection/company as he wants without spending a lot of time, money, and effort getting it.

Please note that running game is not about assault. It relies on consent.

Running game is how men become David and avoid being Rick.

Men who run game might be seen as jerks, bad boys, a--holes, cads, players, unreliable, aloof, arrogant, immature, users, selfish etc. None of that matters, because men who are running game keep their dating life separate from their professional life and the rest of their private life, and they get what they want. It's fine for a woman to hate him if he's already gotten what he wanted from her.

Running game can share some tactics with "pick up artistry," but the goal of running game isn't to try to find a girlfriend or wife, just a woman to date, and usually, multiple women, so that he has options any night of the week. Running game doesn't mean a man will get every woman he wants, but part of running game helps him to quickly sort out, and stop seeing, the women who aren't going to have sex with him, or at least won't have sex with him unless he spends a lot of time, money, and effort on her. These women don't need to be wife material because running game includes avoiding marriage. These don't need to be women the man would want to introduce to his family, friends, or co-workers because he's not going to be doing that. They don't need to be accomplished or smart or even kind. They just have to turn him on, be willing to have sex, or whatever else it is he really wants, and not have certain red flags.

Running game often goes against what men and boys are told about women.

But it works.

I explain how in subsequent posts, most of which have the "running game" tag.

Answering Marriage Seller Assertions, Talking Points, and Questions - Part 10

Read Part 1 here and Part 2 here and Part 3 here and Part 4 here and Part 5 here and Part 6 here and Part 7 here and Part 8 here and Part 9 here.

Single men waste a lot of time and money running around chasing women.

So do a lot of married men!

But seriously, when a man signs a terrible state contract, his money and time are no longer his own. They are controlled by his wife. Marriage sellers think that is a good thing, and not wasteful.

The men who try this argument reveal that they considered what they did/do when unmarried to be a waste. And maybe it was. Whether the time and money he spends is a waste is up to him to decide.

But many unmarried men, especially free men who know what they're doing, which might include running game, don't waste much time or money and are very much happy with being unmarried.

If a man runs game, he won't be spending a lot of time and money. He's definitely spending less than a husband, though a common complaint of wives is that their husband isn't spending a lot of time and money "chasing" her. How is buying overpriced flowers that will be withered and discarded soon, or chocolates for an obese wife NOT wasting money? You know what a waste of money is? Paying for two sets of divorce lawyers because you interred into a terrible state contract even though you didn't need to.

If you're really so worried that "single" men are wasting time and money how about showing them how to live the life they want for less time and money spent, instead of urging them to sign a terrible state contract?

Part 11

Don't Date Women With Minor Children

The most popular entry on this blog, and it's not even close, is this entry warning men against dating single mothers.

It gets a lot of traffic and has received hundreds of comments (including from widowed mothers, who really need to read THIS.)

As is to be expected, a lot of angry comments came from single mothers. Others admitted what I wrote was true, even if they didn't like it. Nobody, though, demonstrated what I wrote to be false. That's because it is reality, like it or not.

I want to revisit the issue. Guys: If you're going to bother dating (or seeing for personal reasons) women, don't date women with minor children or dependent adult children or grown children living at home. They could be divorced women, widowed women, women who never bothered to marry. And if they're married or in a relationship, no matter what they say about that relationship, it's not good to go there. So don't mess with mothers of minor or somehow dependent children. And if you're with one and don't have a kid with her, get out!

Maybe you think that eliminates too many women, but it really doesn't, especially if you're sticking to women in their twenties, which you can do no matter how old you are, if you play your cards right. Also, there are more and more women older than that who are childfree. "Fertility" rates are down.

A Question for Men Who Are Or Have Been Married

If you knew before you married what you know now about how she does/did things or handles/handled things, would you have married her?

It may be about how she parents the kids; maybe you don't like what she's done with them. But if you're happy to have your children, don't let that be the reason you come down on the side of "Yes, I would have married her." You could have had the children without marrying her. Think about how she treats you, how she handles life, independent of being a mother to your children. If she already had kids, they can be part of the consideration. How has she been or how was she as a wife? What has it been like dealing with any of her baggage? Knowing what you know now, would you have married her?

I ask because I was thinking about the sex life I have with my wife. If we'd had a sex life like this before we married, we never would have married. I wouldn't have married her. Having a great sex life was very, very important to me.

Women file the significant majority of the divorces, so it's not necessarily a given that a divorced man would say "Of course I wouldn't have married her!" For those of you whose wife divorced you, also add to your answer if you would have married her based on what the marriage was like before the divorce.

Comment below. You can stay anonymous.

Free Men Are Morally Superior

Rape and sexual harassment are immoral.

If you're a good man, you don't want to rape or commit sexual harassment. According to informed, enlightened, educated people, including women (and we are to believe women), rape includes sexual activity between spouses when there wasn't an enthusiastic desire in both of them to immediately have sex with each other when they started to touch each other. We also know that sexual harassment includes asking for sex when the other person doesn't have an enthusiastic desire to have sex with you at that exact moment.

Answering Marriage Seller Assertions, Talking Points, and Questions - Part 9

Read Part 1 here and Part 2 here and Part 3 here and Part 4 here and Part 5 here and Part 6 here and Part 7 here and Part 8 here.


These questions are closely related, and so the answers can be adapted.


Don't you want someone special in your life?

There is more than one way to answer this depending on your situation.

A) No.

B) I have multiple special people in my life.

C) I am someone special in my life.

D) I can/do have someone special in my life without a terrible state contract.

E) Everything in life is a tradeoff. I'd much rather be guaranteed my freedom than have the possibility of having a wife, and even if having one, only for as long as she chooses to stay.

F) I just haven't been able to find her.


Don't you want to come home to somebody?

This is a variation on the previous question, and all of the answers for that question work. In addition, many married men come home to an empty home.


Don't you want to grow old with somebody?

This is another variation of the previous question. Marrying doesn't mean you will grow old with someone. Plenty of people who married grow old alone.

You can also say that no, you don't want to grow old with someone. You want to be with adults who want to be with you, and to whom you're attracted, whatever your age and whatever their age.


Don't you want someone to take care of you when you're older?

That's what long-term care insurance and medical professionals are for.


Who'll be there for you when you die? Who will care?

You want me to sign a terrible state contract with someone and endure their crap for 60 years in case it makes it more likely they'll be there when I'm dying? People who do something with their life or maintain good friendships will be mourned. Both of those things are easier if a man stays free.


You're going to end up sad and alone.

Most people who end up sad and alone married.


It's amazing how people want you to spend a life in a terrible state contract and, likely, a terrible arrangement, giving up your freedom and sacrificing your dreams and what you want to do, so that one specific person might be there when you die or are getting close to death.

Part 10

Know Thyself

Anyone can benefit from doing this, but this is especially for anyone who is one or more of the following:

• Young
• Considering further education or declaring a major
• Looking for a job or to change jobs
• Looking or a new place to live
• Getting out of a marriage or relationship or considering it
• Feeling like you're in a rut or making no progress in your life 
• Facing or considering retirement
  

Believe it or not, your time is limited. To figure out what you should be doing, you really need to understand yourself well. Know thyself.

You're going to need some peace and quiet to do this. No distractions. You'll need time to think, to ponder, to reflect. You'll need to be alone. No spouse, no girlfriend, no friends - alone. No movies, no television, no social media, no books, etc. You want to be alone with your thoughts.

You might need to get a hotel room or motel room. You can only do this at home if you're really, really disciplined in being able to ignore and avoid distractions, and nobody will reach you.

Use This Neat Trick to Have More Free Time, Money, and Happiness

DO NOT MARRY! Don't live with a woman. Do not promise exclusivity to a woman. Do not spend money on women (at least not more than $40 per date.)

That will leave you with more free time, more money, and happiness as you'll have a peaceful home and get to do what you want, when you want, how you want.

Stay free. Stay a Free Man.

You can have a full, happy, productive life without ever marrying.

Most men shouldn't marry.

You weren't born with a wife.

You don't need a wife.

There's a lack of marriageable women. Red flags abound.

Marriage is a bad deal for most men.

Most marriages fail.

Here's my open letter to Dennis Prager countering his encouragement of men to marry.

Men Need To Protect Themselves In the Workplace

 

Don't be fooled, guys.

It doesn't matter how relaxed your workplace feels or seems. It doesn't matter what your boss does, what other men do, or what the women do there.

You must always remember that normal adult behavior, including harmless behavior that has gone on in workplaces for as long as workplaces have been a thing, can now get you in deep trouble. Normal behaviors, normal conversations, can lose you your job, your entire career, and more.

Your job, your workplace, is not a place to find a date, or a lay, or a girlfriend, or a wife. It doesn't matter that people have done that for as long as there have been workplaces and are still doing it now. It is far too much of a risk for you. You need to think about you, and covering your donkey.

No, it's not just crude jokes, or lingering hugs, or cheesecake screensavers, or trading favors. The way you look at a woman, even if she is fine with it, can get you into trouble.

So, how do you prevent accusations?

The best way is to work for yourself, or for very small business at which no women work and no women will ever work. Even then a woman who interacts with you as a customer or supplier or whatever can make accusations, but you have more control and protection than if you're working for a large employer, especially one where misandrist feminists are in control, or at least in control of dealing with alleged sexual harassment.

But if you do work somewhere that women also work, you need to be very careful, deliberate, and consistent in what you do:

Keep your interaction with women strictly professional and to the minimum that is absolutely necessary.

What does this mean in practice?

Reasons For Men to Stay Unmarried

You were not born with a wife. You don't naturally acquire a wife by growing up, going through puberty, and living out your life. You have DO a series of things to get married.

Being a Free Man is the default. Do not buy into the marketing that implies EVERYONE gets married. Marriage sellers don't want you stop and question, "Is this a good idea? How will this benefit me? How will this enable me to accomplish my goals? Is this what I really want?"

Watch out when someone says "You're being selfish! It isn't all about you! Stop with the 'I' and the 'me' stuff." Marriage involves a contract. Would you sign a rental or lease agreement, a mortgage or other loan, or an employment contract without being aware of what the contract does and if that contract had little or no benefit to you, while placing significant obligations on you?

Imagine someone from the government hands you a stack of papers and says, "Sign this."

And you say, "Hold on! How will signing this benefit me?"

And they say, "Don't be selfish! Sign it!"

Would you sign that???

No? Well, most men sign the state marriage contract anyway, although more and more men are refusing to do so. That's right. FEWER PEOPLE ARE MARRYING. You will be part of a growing trend if you stay the course as a Free Man.

See here for what the state marriage contract does.

So, it's a bad contract, and that's reason enough to refuse to sign it. "But what what about 1) marrying without the state contract, and 2) the benefits of marriage?" In many places (check with a local family law attorney!), the state contract can be applied even if you never signed one, depending on your actions. Also, prenuptial agreements and cohabitation agreements can be thrown out by judges. There's no benefit to marrying that a man can't get otherwise at less risk or cost.

In no particular order, and perhaps to be updated and expanded, here are the reasons for men to stay unmarried:

It's the default.

There's no good reason to marry.

Marrying shifts your power to the woman.

Staying a Free Man allows you to do what you want, when you want, how you want, with whom want.

You want to be free to make decisions without having to defer to someone else.

You don't want someone else's interference in your professional and personal (family, friends) life.

You want control over your own earnings and your own spending decisions.

Why Isn't There Running Game Advice For Husbands?

You may have noticed that my series of posts here about Running Game are addressed to men who aren't married and aren't in supposedly exclusive relationships.

That's because running game explains how to have more fun for less cost and hassle, and is very much about using and retaining power and freedom.

Husbands don't have power.

Husbands don't have freedom.

Husbands have signed away more than half of their income.
Husbands can only have fun when the wife is willing.

The wedding is game over.

I mean, if your wife agrees to an open marriage (or, you cheat, which I generally think is a terrible idea) you can run game. Your wife can even help you do it. But what are the odds of that? Or it lasting? There are also wives who let their husband have some semblance of power and freedom, but that's entirely voluntary on her part and can be rescinded at any time. It's like allowing a dog to go to the ends of a very long leash. He's still on a leash.

There are self-styled gurus, usually authors and/or vloggers/bloggers, who purport to teach husbands how to lead their wife or get what they want from their wife. Ultimately, though, she doesn't have to go along with any of it. If some choose to, great! But legally/financially and socially, she has the power. This is one reason why most marriages fail. Most women find the reality a turn-off.

If you're not married, don't marry. But if you are married, the best you can hope for is your wife voluntarily letting you take charge and get what you want.

Porn Panic From the Right

Dennis Prager talks about panics from the Left. Here an example of panic from the right, as expressed in two essays, which are very much like countless other essays and commentaries throughout the years.

"Susan" wrote on her blog at the URL https://thesparrowshome.com/pornography-is-destructive/ under the title "Hugh Hefner, Dennis Prager, and the Destructive Nature of Pornography" in October of 2017:

Hugh Hefner died last week. While I don’t revel in his death, the phrase ‘good riddance’ did cross my mind.  Hefner contributed heavily to bringing pornography to the mainstream, making it more easily accessible and normalized. Grieving his death never entered my mind.

If it hadn't been him, it would have been someone. Have you ever taken a real art history course? Or seen early movies, before the "code" days?

Boundaries

Dr. Laura mocks callers who use the word "boundaries." She says "Boundaries are what keep cattle in one place." This despite her own program's buffer featuring her talking about "retreading a tire" when she is in no way referring to dealing with an actual tire.

Less frequently, she'll say that boundaries don't stop other people from doing anything.

While she might dismiss "boundaries" as "psychobabble," it's a frequently used (often correctly) and understood term.

When someone "has boundaries," it isn't about controlling what other people do. Rather, it is all about what the person who articulates the boundary (whether only in their own mind, or voicing it to others) will tolerate, and how they will react if the boundary is violated.

Let's consider an example.

Joe decides he has a boundary that he will not allow his sister to criticize him for being a free man. At a family gathering, his sister bashes him for being unmarried. Joe politely excuses himself and leaves early.

Did the boundary stop his sister? No, but Joe didn't stick around for more abuse. That was setting and using a boundary.

Let's consider another example, one that Dr. Laura can really get behind.

Jenny establishes a boundary that her difficult mother can't stay with Jenny, her husband, and their kids. Rather, her mother can stay in a nice nearby hotel when she visits. Jenny's mother asks, "When I come for the visit next month, how about I stay with you?"

Jenny says, "Sorry to disappoint you, mom, but we need our privacy. That hotel chain you like has a nice hotel just a couple of miles away." That was setting and using a boundary.

Dr. Laura tells her callers and listeners to use boundaries all of the time. She just doesn't use the actual word. She has boundaries. For example, she will not argue or debate anything she says on her program.

Boundaries are wonderful things. I urge my readers to set boundaries:

• Don't marry
• Don't date women with minor children
• Don't date coworkers
• Don't date virgins
• Don't take unnecessary DNA tests
• Don't donate sperm
  
• Don't socialize at work
• Don't let the women you're dating know where you really live, work, or what your real name is
• Don't buy expensive gifts for the women you're dating
• Don't loan anyone money you can't afford to lose forever
• Don't pass up a better job out of what you'd call loyalty to a boss or employer 

All of those are boundaries, and I encourage people to have many more. Most people should have their own additional boundaries depending on what they want and what bothers them.

Boundaries are not requirements for OTHER people. They are something YOU put in place for YOURSELF. "If X, I will Y."

Don't Oppress Or Burden Women

Before the wave of feminism that grew in the 1960s and 1970s, women who were housewives were oppressed and depressed from having to tend to a husband, the children, and home, while being treated as less than human since she couldn't have assets and accounts without her husband's participation or approval. Many of these women wanted careers, but were prevented from having them. Some of these women wanted to freed from servitude to a man or children, but they didn't have real options.

And those are just the white women with high earning husbands. Women of color had to have jobs on top of all of the rest of the stuff.

Now, although they can have careers and bank accounts, so many women are with men who don't contribute enough at home, don't do enough of the emotional labor, sexually harass and rape their wife, fiancee or girlfriend, and are terrible lovers.

Men are a burden on women. Women don't need men. Women don't like husbands.

These are things you'd know if you were enlightened by social media or certain college classes, movies, or books.

Guys, STOP IMPOSING UPON WOMEN. Respect their independence, autonomy, and capability. Do not move in with them. Protect a woman from her own temporary miscalculation by refusing to her let move in with you, don't impregnate them, don't propose marriage to them, and don't marry them. It's OK to be available to them, temporarily, when they want you around, but don't burden any woman by staying with her or being demanding of her time. Never be so cruel as to make a woman a housewife or stay-at-home mom. If that's what a woman says she wants, she clearly must be suffering from the inadequacy of our mental health system or misleading patriarchal indoctrination; don't take advantage of her!

Avoid mansplaining at work and in your personal life.

Stop bothering women. Leave them alone. Date when they come to you, but keep those dates short.

Respect women, guys!

Cancelling the Wedding

If you're scheduled to be the groom in a wedding within a few months, a week, even later today, you can still cancel it, and you probably should.


EMERGENCY - If the wedding is today, tomorrow, or days away, you can still cancel it.

If this is the day of the wedding or the day/evening before, inform her privately (take a reliable witness, just in case, like the officiating pastor) or send someone to do it. Inform the officiant.

If this is the day of the wedding, have someone apologize to the guests.

[This is assuming you don't have children with her. If you do, you really don't want to start a war with her.]

For more about what you need to do, see further below.

Will cancelling the wedding be a mess?

Yes, it will be a mess, and the closer to the wedding the more of a mess it will be, but it's far better than being married, especially being married and then divorced. For most men, there is nothing wrong with cancelling the wedding; it's usually the best thing to do in the situation you're in. You can do it. And most likely, you should.

The pain, the mess, the effort, the costs, the losses of cancelling a wedding pale in comparison to the downsides of marrying, even more so marrying and divorcing.

Do not fall into the trap of thinking "Well, we live together already and/or we have all of these plans and shared things." If you marry, it will be the last significant decision over your own life you'll be able to make until she divorces you or you decide to divorce. If you marry her, all power you have (other than to divorce, which will be very expensive and destructive) shifts to her.

You are better off free, and if we believe all women, she is, too.

So here is what you need to do:

1. Accept that your relationship with your fiancee is over. Accept that there are people who know both of you who will drop you (this may include having to leave your religious congregation or other shared activities or groups). Accept that this might feel embarrassing. Reject any notion that this is a failure. Letting it go further would be a failure. Divorce is common. You're avoiding years of misery in marriage and then a divorce.

2. Be strategic about what you do when. For example, if the wedding is still six months away and you're living together and sharing some accounts, you've got a little time to do this, and you need to do as much as you can to dis-entangle yourself from her and protect yourself and your assets before she realizes you're cancelling the wedding. Once she knows, you might need to have a reliable witness with you whenever you interact with her. Document/record/get copies of everything that matters: paperwork, conversations, whatever might become an issue.

3. If you two have obtained a marriage license from the county/state, at some point you should destroy that so there's no chance it gets signed and filed.

4. If things have been paid for and finalized, you should cancel with anyone or any venue or business with which you have the power to do so. If you or your parent were the one paying, you should have that power. That might involve the wedding coordinator, rehearsal dinner restaurant, tuxes (and bridesmaid dresses, depending), florists, photographers, DJ/sound, musicians, cake bakers/decorators, officiant, church/wedding venue, reception venue, caterers, honeymoon travel and accommodations, even bachelorette party stuff. You may lose money, especially on deposits, but it is a small price to pay to save money over the coming years and retain your freedom. Don't fall for the "sunk costs" mentality of saying you don't want the money to go to waste. Getting married would result in exponentially more wasted money. If you still want to do what would have been your bachelor party, rehearsal dinner, reception, etc. that's up to you, if you're the one who put in the money. Those can be turned into a celebration of your freedom. (Having the contact information of everyone involved, including invited/RSVP'd guests, is helpful.)

5. It'll be best if you have some trustworthy people who have your back and can be your witnesses, and it will be helpful if those include both men and women. Have them help you move what you need out of your shared residence (if you're sharing one). Consult a lawyer if you need to about any entanglements you have with your fiancee, especially if it is YOUR residence you are sharing (the lawyer might tell you NOT to move out, in such a case). If you need to temporarily go somewhere else for your safety (and to avoid confrontations with her/her family that could end up with police getting involved and/or false allegations) consider a friend's place or a hotel, but it has to be kept secret.

Although few may say it, most people will understand, and most of them will think you made the right decision. Of course SHE and her family and friends are likely to be upset with you, especially at first. Unless they already control your life, it shouldn't matter, because you're going to be avoiding them.
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Rather than repeat myself about everything else, see this link and follow the the links at that post, too.

Guys, even if the wedding date is set, even if the plans have been finalized and payments made, the guests attending verified, even if the wedding is tomorrow or later today, you can still back out, and you probably should. Be sure to consider your safety, whether physical, financial, reputational, or emotional.

You need to be thinking about what is best for you. Nobody else is.