How to Just Say No To Giving Up Your Freedom

Guys, especially if you're a certain age (and that age can vary by geography), people are going to hound you about how you should get married and crank out kids. It could come from your family, coworkers, neighbors, clergy, congregants at your religious institution, strangers in the supermarket, whomever. (If you're Mormon or an Evangelical Christian, lookout! And if you ARE Mormon, you're probably better off getting out of that whole thing entirely, but that's not my focus right now.)

If you're in a supposedly exclusive relationship, and you shouldn't be, they will be pressuring you to marry her (and of course she'll be doing that herself). If you're living together they will ramp it up. (Hit the eject button if you're living together!) If you're not in a relationship, they will try to fix you up.

But you should stay a free man.

If you're a free man, and you show no sign of getting married or even having an exclusive relationship, people might say crap about you, questioning your sexual orientation or maturity or responsibility or whatever else. They might call you selfish. Don't let that get to you. Enduring all of that is a small price to pay for being free.

I've given practical advice for avoiding relationships before, but that was mostly about dealing with would-be matchmakers, and I wanted to give some more useful advice in dealing with people who try to meddle in your life.

You probably have a very good set of reasons why you want to stay free. And it IS your default status; you weren't born with a wife or children and you have to DO something to get those people.  But you don't want to waste your time arguing or offending someone. So here's what you do...

At Work - You should refuse to discuss personal matters at work, let alone date a coworker or someone a coworker tries to set you up with. NO NO NO!!! Simply refuse to talk about any personal matters whatsoever. Establish that as your policy. Ignore attempts to get you to talk about personal matters, or, better yet, redirect the conversation. "Excuse me, I'm here to work." "When will those reports be ready?" "Here's what you requested. Is there anything else?" Come up with sentences like that to use based on how you know things are at work.

Your Family -  Many people get more pressure from family members than from anywhere else. You might risk losing your inheritance. And if your parents are going to be that way, well, you're better off not counting on an inheritance, assuming they even have much of an estate in the first place. If they bring up the ol' "When are you going to settle down?" you can get up and leave, you can end the call or texting conversation. Or you can say, "I am settled down." Or you can say, "When I find the home in which I want to die." "I like my life the way it is." is a good one to use. If they try the "Don't you want someone to take care of you?" Simply say "No." It's a short word and it can end things. If they insist on pursuing the topic, you can turn it around on them and start talking about all of the problems they have as a result of having a partner/spouse and/or children. But if you can, cut things off and redirect, or leave.

Your Friends - You're going to lose friends as some marry and their wives keep them busy and on a leash. Your buddy's wife especially won't want your existence reminding him of what his life could be (or used to be) as a free man. Heck, you might not want to hang out with him anymore if he becomes incapable of talking about anything other than his wife and kids.

Your married buddies might encourage you to marry, because they think that'll make it easier to get together, or because misery loves company. Don't fall for it. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that if you get married, you'll keep your friends who are married or marrying. There's no guarantee that if you married you'd still be friends. Your wives might fight. Your wives might keep each of you busy.

If your married buddy does start in on how you should get married, you can deflect it with something like "If you're happy, I'm happy for you. It's just not for me, and marriage is the kind of thing in which both people have to be enthusiastically all-in, right?" Avoid discussing the issue with or in front of his wife. All it is going to do is give her ammunition she'll use to tell your buddy you're a bad influence.

Beware of thinly disguised blind dates. Your friend and his wife might want to meet up somewhere, and when you get there, what a coincidence, your buddy's wife's friend or sister just happens to be along. If you really don't want to endure that, you're within your rights to feign getting an urgent message on your phone, or not feeling well, and leaving. If you do stay, your buddy and his wife might try to prompt you to talk about yourself, but reveal as little as possible, and instead pivot the topic right back to them, or, if you're willing, on the woman with whom they're trying to fix you up.

There's a good chance your buddy will, sooner or later, be divorced. So keep that in mind and don't burn bridges.

Find friends among like-minded men, so that them getting ensnared in marriage is less likely. There are various forums for free men (MGTOW and otherwise).

Your Neighbors - This depends on what kind of relationship you have with your neighbors. However, if you're close with some neighbors, watch out for them trying to fix you up with someone. They might do something like throw a party and, what a coincidence, they'll introduce you to some woman they know who hears her clock ticking or has bills to pay. They might even try to pair you up with a party game. See the "blind date" advice above.

If you're not particularly close with your neighbors, it should be easy to redirect any of their questions back onto them.

Your Service Providers - This could be anyone from your doctor, accountant, dry cleaner... anyone. They work for you. You can take your business elsewhere. So it should be easier to shut things down any time one of them tells you that you should "find a nice girl" or "settle down". Redirect the conversation to the business topic at hand. They should get the hint.

Your Pastor or Bible Study Leader - I can't speak to every religion. Some religions treat free men as though they're some sort of threat to the flock. Or they try to rope you in to doing things for those poor "single mothers" in the congregation. "I don't feel called to marriage" might work, depending on the place you're attending. If you attend a Bible-as-the-top-authority church, you can make a point by asking for the passages that name Jesus' wife or those of the apostles and disciples. Surely, if getting married was necessary, the Bible would provide all of those. See here for more about this.

Stay Free!!!

Most men these days should be free men. So if you are a free man, good for you and I hope this will help you stay free. Women will try to get their hooks into you. They might try to "bait and switch" you or use "loss leaders"... behaving a certain way, making certain promises, saying the "right" things, until you've signed on the dotted line or they have your child. Don't let that happen to you. In social terms, she is depreciating in social value while demand is increasing for you. So don't enter into a bad deal.

Keep in mind all of things you get to do that you wouldn't if you were married, especially with kids, and had to do things the wife "needed" or wanted you to do. Remember that doing just about anything is less expensive and less of a hassle, from eating at restaurants to traveling to buying groceries, because you're a free man.

People who want you to give up your freedom will try to make it seem like marriage is blissful and helpful, so it's good to have good stories about the free life handy to remember or even counter with; it also helps to remember whatever troubles they've had with their spouse or children that they might not be thinking of at the moment. Usually, you won't have to actually bring those up, but they're good to remember when they're doing their sales pitch.

Remember: at work or with coworkers, play the professionalism card. "I don't mix business with pleasure." "I'm here to work."

In the other areas of your life, it should  be enough to say "I like my life the way it is. I'm happy." and repeat that as often as necessary. A couple of other good sentences are "I can't give a wife everything a wife should have."

Learn to say "No", and "I'm not going to discuss this" and "That's none of your business" and "That's private."

It's your body. It's your money. It's your time. It's your home. It's your life. Keep it that way!

Do you have any tips to add? Any good phrases? You can comment, including anonymously, below.