What a Woman Can Do With Your DNA

There are some simple facts of biology. Men usually produce millions of viable sperm cells on an ongoing basis. A man is able to do so starting in puberty and lasting most of the rest of his life. Sperm cells can leave his body while he's asleep. He doesn't have to have an orgasm to expel sperm cells.  New human life takes place inside women. Women get pregnant, men do not.

There are some basic realities of current law. Once a woman has possession of a man's sperm cells, he has lost any control, legally, he has over them.

When a sperm cell leaves a man's body, he loses all control of his own DNA.

Here are the things a woman can do with YOUR sperm cells, men:

A Change in Perspective

At the opening of her Wednesday, January 18. 2023 program, Dr. Laura read something written by a man with the title of  "All The Wrong Reasons I Pursued Love with Women Why I'm Changing Now".

Here's what it said:

*****
I was taking women out because I lacked the confidence to say no.

I had a fear that if I didn't spend a lot of money or time on them they wouldn't want me or see me.

I was using dating to get my needs met. Sometimes I was just horny and needed some fun or relief, but I wouldn't communicate that.

I felt that nobody would give me that, so ultimately I would end up paying for an expensive date out and about, listening to her babble on and on, and buying her gifts.

I also had a belief that my value was tied to my wealth.

I also learned that when I was horny and not having sex, I wasn't able to think clearly anymore.

It no longer became about enjoying life, but about ego. Will she stay with me? Am I good enough for her?

I never asked myself if I was enjoying these relationships.

I also learned that I could do and have what I wanted without giving up so much of my time, money, and freedom.

We have a tendency to spend and do tasks to keep a woman because of fear, and this is something I wanted to challenge.

I want to see what it is like to stop paying costs I didn't have to, and trust I will have a better life if I learn to limit my dates and learn to enjoy my own company.

And I have a feeling that will be much more rewarding than I can imagine.

I've also learned that my hard work and resulting earnings are sacred. I want to keep control over my wealth.

I will no longer take women on lavish dates who don't want to have the kind of fun with me that I like.

Staying free has helped me develop my own set of beliefs and flourishing into someone I can respect.
*****

Just kidding. That's not what it said. Everything above does have an analogy to the sentences Dr. Laura read. But what she read was from something written by a woman and the title was "All the Wrong Reasons I Slept with Men Before and Why I’m Changing Now." Dr Laura DID NOT cite on the air where the essay was posted and who wrote it. Instead, she was very limited in what she actually read from the essay, even removing important phrases from some sentences.

Dr. Laura left out the parts about how this involved supposedly Buddhist meditation, from someone raised as a Southern Baptist, and how this person doesn't believe in a need for get a state license for marriage, nor for marriage to be permanent; check in frequently to see if the relationship should continue. What we have here is a woman who rode the carousel. And now that she's older, her hormones are changing, and the men she can attract aren't as high in their social status, she's basically saying she's only going to have sex if she feels an emotional connection, rather than just for recreation. She can still go through many men per year, but she's going to pretend it's much more profound than what she was doing before.

I'm not faulting a single woman for thinking she's going to put more meaning behind when she has sex. But let's be clear about what's going on here, and what Dr. Laura did with the text.

And what we have another example showing that men can get young women with no strings attached and little time, money, and effort spent by running game.

Thinking Critically About Cohabitation

Introduction: Is Unmarried Cohabitation Bad?

I've been carefully mulling over just about everything I've accepted about sociology.

Let's look at shacking up (unmarried cohabitation).

Don't misunderstand. I'm against shacking up. But I'm also against misleading people.

Dr. Laura (and many socially conservative commentators) will tell callers that shacking up is linked to negative indicators, such as:

• It makes it less likely you will get married
• It makes is less likely you will stay married
• Increased infidelity
• More abuse
  

When Dr. Laura (or any other commentator) barrages someone with all of this, most recipients aren't prepared for it and don't have the wherewithal or the time to counter the claims. Indeed, as Dr. Laura says, she refuses to argue or debate, which seems strange if she's confident that she's right. She hits her callers with this and that's that.


How Do We Know If It is Good or Bad?

Answering Marriage Seller Assertions, Talking Points, and Questions - Part 15

Read Part 1 here and Part 2 here and Part 3 here and Part 4 here and Part 5 here and Part 6 here and Part 7 here and Part 8 here and Part 9 here and Part 10 here. and Part 11 here and Part 12 here and Part 13 here and Part 14 here.


Alimony is rare and/or limited now, and child custody is default 50/50 which means no child support.

A family law attorney publicly asserted this to me. Now why would someone with a financial incentive in people getting married say that?!?

Guess what? Don't enter into a terrible state contract and the risk of alimony is ZERO.

What matters is what the laws say. And the laws allow the higher earning spouse (usually the man), to get screwed over.

I'm glad if the terrible state contract is being enforced to the full extent less often these days, but nobody should ever sign a terrible contract on the chance that it wouldn't actually be enforced against them in a devastating way.

Guys, don't fall for "Trust me!" from someone who has a financial incentive in you making a stupid decision. Don't let misleading weasel words fool you. Don't enable the state to come further into your life and your finances. The terrible state contract isn't necessary.

You can get tagged for child support even if you didn't want children and even if the child was conceived by her having an affair!

Every time she wants to ask for more alimony, every time she wants to change the custody agreement, every time she wants more child support, you're going to have to pay legal costs, and maybe spend time in court.

Today, right now, there are seemingly endless lines of men who are coming out of family courts with terrible outcomes. They are losing their children, homes, possessions, and money.

The best way to win is to not play.

The Modern Workplace and How It Relates to Marriage

Men are expected to "provide". It isn't just traditionalists like Dr. Laura who say this. Most women seek out and marry men they think do, or will, earn more than they do, even if they claim to be liberated, feminist, independent. Notice Oprah's lack of legal marriage. It would be difficult for her to attract a man who earns more than her.

In order to pay for a family, men generally need stable, well-paying jobs that provide a reasonable level of security. However, our economy has changed.

How to Break Up

So you're a guy dating a woman and you want out of the relationship.

This is about a situation in which you don't have any serious entanglements other than social: you're not married or engaged, not living together, you have no kids together, she doesn't have minor children who have bonded with you, you don't own anything major together. You're boyfriend-girlfriend or some equivalent. When Running Game, you don't need to break up - you simply stop seeing her. Breaking up is for when you haven't been running game, at least when it comes to this woman, so you've allowed the situation to get to the point you're a couple. That's the situation you're in now.

The point of breaking up is for freedom and personal protection. Maybe you want to reclaim your freedom. Maybe you're being proactive in protecting yourself. Maybe she's trying to move the relationship towards financial transfers or entanglements, living together, marrying, or having children. Maybe you want to be a Free Man. Maybe she's done something for which you have zero tolerance, or she's reached strike three. Maybe she's withdrawn or denied affection.

PLEASE NOTE: If you haven't had a vasectomy, you might want to wait for her period to make sure she's not pregnant, then never give her access to your sperm again as you commence the breakup plan. "Oopsie" pregnancies seem to happen a lot when a relationship is on its way to ending, and some women use fake pregnancy tests or tests shared or sold by pregnant women to mess with a man. ALSO, you might want to safely retain any media or communications with and from her that would disprove any false allegations against you of assault/rape, harassment, or any other forms of abuse.

Which way or doing a break up is best?

A) Dump her cold turkey with either 1) an announcement or 2) going ghost?

B) Get her to dump you?

C) Break routines and get more distant?

To New College Students and Those Newly On-Campus

Your whole life might have been leading up to this point, especially if you're attending college straight from high school.

This is for people starting college or new to attending class on-campus or new to living in a dorm. If you're going back to school as an "older" student this might not be as helpful.

While plans change, if you don't have any idea what you want to do, you shouldn't be going to college unless you have a full ride or it's an inexpensive community college.You don't want to waste money or time. It doesn't have to be this precise: "I want to be a registered investment advisor at John Doe Investments." It can be, but it doesn't have to be. But it should be specific enough that you know which school or department you want to be in. Lab sciences. Business. History. Graphic arts. Mathematics. You get the idea.

Here are seven things to remember.

1. Getting a Degree - Remember why you’re there. You’re there to get a degree. Consider classes that are in the evening, on weekends, on Monday morning or first thing any day, and late Friday. Evening and weekend classes are especially likely to have other students who are experienced and are serious about their studies. Figure out what the instructor REALLY wants from students. Make office visits and communicate with the instructor as needed, but don’t make their life difficult. They are usually happy to help a student who shows enthusiasm for their areas of expertise.

Unless you're going just to get your parents off your back, you probably have a goal in attending. Don't lose sight of that goal. But... be flexible. Relatively few people graduate with a degree in the major they originally thought they would and end up landing a lifelong job in the career they were intending when they first went off to college. People change majors, people change their minds, life happens, things change. Some people drop out.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of jobs that require a college degree even if it isn't truly necessary to do the job. If you want one of those jobs, you need to get the degree.

You're there to get a degree that will open more doors in employment. Having a degree has upsides and virtually no downsides (once you get past the cost in money and time).

DO NOT let an entry-level or service job hurt your studies. Don’t fall into the trap of working more hours because you need the cash to the detriment of your progress. This is not the same thing as having a great opportunity in business. 

If, early on, you realize you want to change majors, don't hesitate to do so. Do it ASAP. If you get to the point you're close to graduation and you realize, "I don't want to be a History teacher after all," go ahead and complete your degree. Having a degree, and maybe having one in History, can still help you.

Dropping out of college, which means not getting a degree, isn't always a bad thing. One reason why is that you've done the next thing so successfully that getting a degree becomes superfluous.

2. Networking - I considered making this first. That’s how important it is. The proximity principle comes to mind. This is one reason evening instructors can be preferable: many of them have day jobs.

As much as you’re there to get a degree, you’re there to network with people who will help you reach your life goals.

Networking with other students as well as professors and other staff and guests/visitors is important. Treating college as nothing more than a classroom is usually a mistake in that it misses opportunities.

Take advantage of the fact that you’re surrounded, or at least connected, to so many other people who share some of the same interests, talents, and goals as you, and will have the same alma mater as you the rest of your lives.

Connect with good people, people who are going to be doing the kinds of things you want to do.

Unfortunately, I have nothing to say about fraternities other than do your research. I simply don’t know enough about them, but I tend to prefer more freedom. 

3. Knowledge, talent, skills, practices, habits - This is often not the same thing as getting a degree. Learn useful things. Developing good systems that work for you will benefit you for the rest of your life. This is even more about how what you do outside of the classroom.

Some instructors not only know more than you on the subject, but more than they will teach. Most professors love to talk, love to share what they’ve learned beyond what they have time to do in a classroom. If they’ve written the textbooks, ask them questions you think of as you go through it. But again, don’t be someone they hate to see dropping by or contacting them. 

4. Friendships - This often not the same thing as networking. Who is a good person? Who is a good friend? College can be one of the best places to make new friends. Friends can help you with everything else on this list. Don’t get dragged down by someone who is perpetually dysfunctional or needy.

 

5. Dating - Never let women interfere with making the most of college. You shouldn’t have “a” girlfriend, certainly not one “back home.” Don’t let a woman determine what you’re doing in college. For example, don’t take a class because a woman is.

You’ll never again be surrounded by so many young, hot, available women looking to explore and have fun.

Running game is great, but there is the risk these days of false allegations getting you kicked out of the university or harassed.

Especially if you’re young, you might want to find the local cougar hangouts. There are always older women looking for young college men, and being with them avoids the potential problems of being with campus women. 

6. Avoid Brainwashing - It often starts with orientation or even before, and can involve administration, faculty, campus groups, etc. Think critically and question in your mind what’s being told to you. There’s so much crap being taught and imposed in academia and so much intolerance. You might have to pretend to go along with groupthink, at least some of the time. Pick your battles and play the game.  If politics or ministry is how you intend to make your living you might want to make a point of speaking up and questioning the crap, but otherwise you might be better off just observing and taking notes. Christians, you don't need to get into spoken or written battles over every perceived dig at your faith; don't cast pearls before swine.

Remember that expertise is not wisdom, and regularly read, watch, or listen to content that dissents from the groupthink.

7. Smell the Roses - While it may seem like you’re facing an eternity of studies ahead of you, in many ways it’s going to be over quickly. Take a little time here and there to enjoy what the campus and surrounding area have to offer outside of the classroom. But… don’t fart around. Don’t lose focus on getting the degree, networking, and learning. 

Have anything to add? Share it in the comments.

Why Men Date Single Mothers

Inspired by this comment, I'm going to explain why some men date single mothers. For some men, more than one of these reasons will apply. These are in no particular order.

1) It never entered his mind that there are alternatives. He's taking what he thinks he can get or what has been offered to him. He doesn't realize that with a little game, he could find women who are childfree, and how much better for him that would be. He could even be desperate. Maybe he thinks that, if he has kids, he should date women with kids, but having his own kids should be all the more reason to NOT date a woman who also has kids. Meanwhile, the fact is, there have never been so many young, hot, childfree women. Women are waiting until later to have children, if they have them at all.

2) It's what he knows. He was raised by a single mother, and this is what he knows. He might even be trying to fix what he saw was wrong with his own childhood. He's going to be a better man, in his mind, than his biological father was, or the other men his mother dated.

3) He's playing Captain Saveahoe. He wants to feel like a rescuer, like a hero, like somebody needed him, so he's "saving" a woman in distress.

4) He's looking for a mother. He actually identifies with her children. He figures she's already used to taking care of dependents, and he wants her to take care of him.

5) He wants kids, and he doesn't have viable sperm or doesn't want to further his own genes. Rather than adopt, he's going with a ready-made family.

6) He has a cuckold fetish. He gets off on raising the biological children of other men.

7) He's a predator. He's hoping to (continue to) "have sex with" (abuse) at least one of her kids, with or without her. Think about pedophiles. If they have an option of a woman with kids or a woman without kids, guess who they're more likely to choose?

It's important to keep in mind that television shows and movies are FICTIONAL. You may have watched shows and movies in which a guy dates and even marries a single mother and everything turns out great. Yeah, that's extremely rare. Literally. The vast majority of times, things will NOT be great. 70% of marriages in which there are prior children divorce, and that's just divorce. It doesn't even count the terrible marriages which never legally divorce.

Dating a single mother is usually going to be trouble; it will almost certainly be extra work for less reward. Marrying one is even worse than marrying a woman who doesn't have kids yet.

There ARE alternatives, guys! Let me say it again: There have never been so many young, hot, childfree women. Women are waiting until later to have children, if they have them at all. Get a vasectomy and date younger women.

You can find childfree women even if you're not rich, even if you're older, even if you're out of shape or not attractive, and even if you have children of your own. All you need to do is run some game.

You are NOT obligated to date or be with a woman with kids. In fact, the way I (and people like Dr. Laura) figure it, you're morally obligated to AVOID dating single mothers.

If you're dating or with a woman with one of more children, here's how to get out.

You can leave comments below, but this is also a good place to comment.

Keeping Boundaries as a Free Man

If Enough Churchgoing Men Refuse to Marry, Polygyny Will Be Encouraged

"What's next? Polygamy?"

That was often heard, especially from Religious Right people, during the successful battle to extend, nationally, state marriage licenses to same-sex couples. For a long time, religious conservatives (Evangelical Christians especially) have insisted heterosexual, married monogamy is the ideal and the only acceptable sexual relationship.

The way the marriage-and-family ministries have talked about polygamy, or anything that isn't monogamy, you'd think the Bible emphatically condemns anything that isn't monogamy. 

But it doesn't.

The Biblical case that "monogamy is the only way" is a very weak one. It is based on trying to say that polygamy (polygyny, really) in the Bible led to problems. You won't find any passage in the Bible that actually says monogamy is the only acceptable relationship. On the contrary, many heroes of the Bible had multiple wives (and more). 

I have a prediction.

If more and more men, including churchgoing men, go on a marriage strike, some of these religious organizations that have warned against polygamy will switch to encouraging it. For the LDS church, that would be familiar territory. These organizations will encourage it because they want women to marry and have babies, and lots of babies, and if there aren't enough men, they will break down and encourage women to share husbands. 

Just wait.

Running Game - When She Starts Getting Lazy

When you're running game at expert level, and you have a full roster with extra players waiting in the bullpen, one reason to drop a member of your roster is if she drops any one thing you like off the sexual menu or her sexual repertoire. You should have made it clear you like it, and since you did when she did it, and she's done it for you before, she shouldn't have dropped it.

Dropping it means she's either getting comfortable and thinks she has you locked in - meaning she was doing it to reel you in with no intention of continuing to do it, or she's on her way out/favors another guy to the point she doesn't care about doing what you want anymore.

Either way, don't talk with her about it. Don't complain, don't whine, don't demand, don't argue, don't pressure. Don't "negotiate." What's the point? If she wanted to do it, she would have. Desire can't be negotiated.

Don't say anything at all to her. Simply ghost her. If she tries to talk with you after you ghost her, it's because she thought she had you locked in, or the other guy didn't work out. (You should always assume they are seeing other guys; don't indicate you want to be exclusive.)

"Dropping it" would be on a three strikes or less basis. For example, let's say it's fellatio. There can be legitimate reasons she won't want to do it once or twice, like dental work, cold sores, etc. But when it is three times in a row (meaning, over three or more weeks), it means she's dropped it off the menu.

Guys who fall into the trap of thinking they want an "exclusive" relationship tend to end up simply accepting this stuff, because they aren't seeing anyone else and don't want to "start over" with someone else. That is a very common way men end up having a terrible sex life. Early on, she's trying to hook you in. She's auditioning. Don't stick around for it when she stops doing what you like.

One Sign It is Time to Move On

Dialoguing With Marriage Sellers

This happens a lot.

Marriage Pusher: Guys, marriage is great! I'm so happy!!! Married people are happier than singles!!!

Me: Most marriages aren't both lasting and happy.

Marriage Pusher: Marriage isn't supposed to be about your happiness.

Sometimes it's great to have it in writing.

Grandpa Lived in a Different Era

I’m so tired of people asking why husbands and fathers today aren't like their grandfathers or great-grandfathers in terms of leading their homes, tempering their wife when she's way out of line, and keeping their kids in line, etc. The embellished memories of how those men of yore kept everything hunky dory without losing their cool can be entertaining and even amusing to hear once or twice, but the constant extolling of this imagined past familial utopia is irritating.

There are very important things that aren't included in this praise of these "real" men.

Those men could literally beat their wives and children, rape their wives, and kick any of them out of home without giving them a dime in walking money. If some punk was horning in on one of the girls in the family, the dad could run him off the property with a gun. And none of it was against the law or, even if it was technically against the law, nobody would arrest these men, let alone prosecute them or convict them. Now, not all men actually ran their homes like that, but the general cultural understanding that they could was enough to keep their families in line. Wives and children did run away, facing destitution in doing so, especially when relatives were unwilling to take them in. Many of their relatives would side with the husband/father. Yes, a woman might find that her own father would side with his son-in-law. Just about everyone else did, too... employers/customers, clergy and congregations, mental health providers, doctors, banks, newspaper editors... just about anyone. Wives were told to go back and obey and please their husbands, with maybe doing something on the sly behind his back (like squirreling away some savings if the husband would spend too much or wouldn't let his wife have enough money).

A married woman couldn’t get a credit card or engage in many other financial actions without her husband’s agreement. This is the real reason some women had secret stashes of cash the home. They couldn’t put it in a bank without their husband knowing.

Unlike now, a marriage license was an actual license to live together, have sex, and have children. There could be serious legal consequences if you did any of those things without a marriage license. That license gave a man access to his wife’s body, whether she felt like it at the moment or not. If she cheated on him, not only could be beat her, kick her out, and divorce her, but she could be criminally charged and she certainly wouldn’t get half of everything plus lifetime alimony.

Is that how things should be run? I'm not saying these were good things. But they "worked" in that they 1) kept children from being a disobedient presence in the family home, and 2) kept wives from emasculating their husbands or acting significantly in contradiction to what he wanted. If you can find an acceptable way to achieve those goals now, please share it with us. We’d love to know the secret. And sorry, telling men to “be like your grandfather” ain’t going to do it. You might as well tell someone to fly on a magic unicorn. Grandpa lived in a different era.

The men of today have different dynamics to deal with in the home. They also have different dynamics to deal with outside the home. Every workplace, every institution has been feminized, and mostly of them have been integrated with women. Most media and most businesses and other organizations seek to cater to feminine sensitivities and priorities when there is a conflict with masculine. Grampa didn’t have to compete with both other men and women in selling his labor. He didn’t have to worry that having a normal conversation with another guy at work could get him fired for “harassment” because someone overhead something they didn’t like.

Sorry, everything else has been changed. You can't expect men to behave as though nothing has changed.

Relationships Kill Dreams

You know men who let their dreams die or be killed because of a girlfriend or a wife. Maybe you're one of those guys yourself.

Romantic relationships kill dreams.

Having "a" girlfriend, living with a woman, marrying, getting a woman pregnant - those things kill dreams.

Dreams can be many different things. A career, a business, a mission, a project, a hobby, a trip, a home, a boat, a car...just about anything. Whatever your dream is should be important to you.

If a woman you're seeing thinks your dream is silly, stupid, trivial, that's an example of what I'm talking about.

Maybe your dream is to open a wildlife sanctuary. Maybe your dream is to be CEO of a Fortune 500 company. Maybe it's to own a boat and sail from Point A to Point B. Maybe it is restoring a classic car. Maybe you want to open a restaurant. Maybe you want to build a scale model of a city as it was on your twelfth birthday. Maybe your dream is to have a clean, orderly, well-maintained home with peace and quiet, with a layout you find the most sensible and decorated to your tastes.

Relationships kill dreams, taking up time, energy, attention, money, and other things you might need to to achieve your dream. Relationships limit your options.

For this post, I'm referring to "romantic" relationships. Most likely, you'll need professional and other non-romantic relationships to achieve your dreams, as noted here.

Even some marriage sellers will say that relationships kill dreams, although they use different wording. Marriage is a man "laying down his life" for a woman as Dr. Laura says, and he's got to put being a husband and father before everything else.

Guys, women don't want you chasing your dreams. They want you focusing on her, being her walking wallet, being her muscle, being her driver, being her handyman, being her sperm donor, being a big giant ear as she rambles on and on. The more time, money, and attention you spend on your dream, the less you have for her and the things she wants, and for some of you, your dream will attract younger, hotter women to you. Of course any woman you're already with that doesn't want that!

So, even if you do want an ongoing relationship (and again, you should avoid "exclusive" relationships, especially shacking up or marriage), you shouldn't allow yourself to be in one until you've achieved your dream.

"But she says she shares my dream! She's supportive of my dream!" That's what she says NOW. Don't fall for a woman pretending to support your dream. Women will pretend to, until they think they have you locked in, and then it's "You can't spend that much on that!" and "Stop wasting time on that stuff!" Any woman who is in your life outside of booty calls must support your dreams or she should be OUT of your life; if you're shacking up, married, or co-parenting, it's kind of hard to get her out, isn't it?

Being in a relationship will mean having to check in with her, having to her approval for all sorts of decisions you should be able to make yourself, having a tougher time networking because she sees woman as threats and she doesn't like the guys.

"Don't take that job! I don't want to have to move!"

"No, I need you that weekend because we have a wedding shower to go to!"

"But I want a baby!"

On and on it goes.

AVOID ALL OF THAT!

Stay free, men! Don't give up on your dreams and becomes a beaten dog.

Vows Vary

Dr. Laura read a letter at the end of the Wednesday, May 13, 2020 show from the wife of a caller. The wife explained that her husband had called claiming that there were sexual problems in the relationship. The letter writer explained, because he never said so during the call, that her husband had been trying to get her to have sex with other men. (There is a whole fetish or two about that.) [This entry has been bumped up.]

Dr. Laura again talked about "breaking vows".

Sensational Headlines Might Mislead

Law enforcement agencies are government departments, dependent on taxpayer money, and like getting credit for good deeds.

News media likes sensational headlines because it gets them clicks and viewers.

A lot of people have conspiratorial and crisis thinking, meaning they are sure there's a crisis going on, and it is the result of a vast conspiracy.

Every once in a while, there will be a headline like this:

"68 Missing Children Recovered From Human Trafficking Operation, [Law Enforcement Agency] Says"

That makes it sound like there was a building with 68 children inside of it, where strangers would go and pay money to sexually abuse them, maybe "buy" them to take home.

Shocking, right? How evil!!!

Except... that's not really what happened. And thank goodness it isn't.

Staying a Free Man as a Churchgoer

Some of you attend a church or an equivalent. If you don’t, or you don’t care about staying a Free Man, skip over this entry.

Some of this might be adaptable to you if you attend a synagogue, temple, mosque, stake, Kingdom Hall, or some other congregation, but I’m most familiar with Protestant churches, especially of the “evangelical” variety.

Answering Marriage Seller Assertions, Talking Points, and Questions - Part 14

 

Read Part 1 here and Part 2 here and Part 3 here and Part 4 here and Part 5 here and Part 6 here and Part 7 here and Part 8 here and Part 9 here and Part 10 here. and Part 11 here and Part 12 here and Part 13 here.


Married people have more children, and we need more people. They are a resource.

The main reason married people have more children is the same reason they are married:

Either they believe they are supposed to be married and having children or they believe they have stability in their relationship.

In the Western world, there is very little, if any, stigma left in unmarried parenting.

Again, depending on your situation, there are different way to answer.

A) I don't want any/more children.

B) I can't have any/more children.

C) Water wells are a resource. How many have you personally dug? Food is a resource. Are you producing on a farm more than you're consuming? Food and water are resources yet you don't tell me I should be providing them. Other people will continue to provide children. I will continue to contribute in ways I prefer.

D) People can have as many children as they want without a terrible state contract.

E) I am not obligated to keep supplying to your government ponzi schemes.

F) Be honest and direct and try to encourage people to have more children, rather than telling them they should marry. You can appeal to the people who are already married to have (more) children, if you have a qualm with unmarried parenting.


Don't you want what is good for society?

This makes the assumption that marrying is good for society. You can try asking them to explain how exactly marrying is good for society. They will probably cite things we've already covered in this series: having (more) children, having cooperative parental involvement in raising the children, unmarried men being violent, and unmarried women being dependent on government. As we've shown, all of those things can be addressed without a terrible state contract.

A) The claims that getting a terrible state contract is good for society is based on perceived correlations or things that can be done without a terrible state contract. Signing a terrible state contract isn't good for society. What's good for society is in how people behave. It won't benefit society if I get a terrible state contract, other than to remove a woman from the teat of government. But I wouldn't take on a woman like that anyway. How about encouraging women to be independent?

B) Explain exactly how me entering into a terrible state contract would benefit society?

There is no evidence whatsoever that signing a terrible state contract is beneficial to society.

The Importance of an Emergency Fund

Less politely, they are called "F--- You Funds."

You need a minimum of six months, ideally a year, of liquid funds. This would be enough to cover your hard expenses if all of your income stopped: mortgage/rent, utilities, vehicle/transportation, clothing/laundry, medical/health visits and costs, groceries, necessary memberships and subscriptions, etc. You can get an over-estimate by looking at every outgoing payment out of your bank or credit union account for the past year, and totaling that up.

Why? Because your employment might change. Life changes. Emergencies happen. Disasters happen.

You want to have the fund in place so that if your employer(s) disappear, or become too much trouble, or decide they don't need you anymore, you can walk away and be OK. Do you know what it is like to be at a job mostly for the fun of it, knowing that if things are no longer fun, you can walk away and be OK? I had a time in my life like that. (Unfortunately, I made the mistake of marrying, so that changed.) Having an emergency fund doesn't turn a blah or lousy job into a fun one, but it does give you peace of mind and a lot of flexibility.

If you're truly living paycheck to paycheck, without an emergency fund, something is wrong. You need to change that somehow. Cut expenses. Get a raise. Get more work. Change jobs. Sell some of your stuff. If you have debts, pay those off, starting with the debt with the highest interest rate first.

You need to put aside as much money as you can on a regular basis until you have a full fund. Have it automatically move from your checking account to your savings account, if you can. Or into some relatively safe, liquid account like brokerage account. Once you do have that fund in place, consider continuing the diversions, to an investment account. Unless you're elderly or terminal, you should be investing and saving up. Think of it this way: plan, budget, save, invest, and insure.

Guys, this is much easier to do if you don't have a wife and kids for which to pay. If you have an emergency fund and you make the mistake of marrying, at least ensure, with a lawyer, that your emergency fund stays separate. It will help you if there is a divorce. Do what your lawyer says: Do not co-mingle that fund, do not spend it on stuff for your marriage, or for your wife. ALSO, if you get an inheritance, work with a lawyer to keep that separate as well. THAT can be your fund if you don't have one already.

What Should A Rejected Spouse Do?

What are the options when one partner wants sex far more often than the other?

There are people, including women, who point out that spouses are entitled to sex from each other and that one spouse should not deprive the other except temporarily for mutual consent. As such, one account on Twitter cited an instance in which a wife declined her husband's request for sex, only to wake up later in the middle of the night with him doing things anyway.

The law and our culture both say that this is rape.

The person describing the instance says that the wife should give her husband grace.

(I want to make it clear that it is a major turn-off to me if she doesn't want it, so I wouldn't be in this guy's position even if I believed it was OK.)

In the Biblical framework, spouses owe each other sex. General consent to sex is part of getting married. Don't like it? Don't marry. Of course, people who don't consider the Bible an authority can, with integrity, ignore what the Bible says. But someone who claims to care what the Bible teaches can't.

As far as the law, our laws will force the higher earning spouse to financially support the other spouse, no matter what. By marrying, the higher earning spouse is giving general, ongoing consent to this, and crying "slavery!" later or saying "I don't feel like it" won't change it. And although our laws, in some places, still allow a spouse to sue for "alienation of affection" in the event of an affair and "loss of consortium" for any number of things done to their spouse, other than that, the law does not say one spouse owes the other sex. Think about that. If your wife doesn't feel like sex because her employer committed illegal discrimination against her, you can claim "loss of consortium" as one of the reasons her employer owes you money. But you're not owed sex. Laws aren't always consistent.

The woman who said the wife should give her husband grace, and people like her, would also say a husband viewing porn is a terrible sin, even masturbating without porn would be. In their beliefs, a person's sole sexual stimulant or outlet should be their spouse. No sex outside of marriage is acceptable.

When a caller to Dr. Laura presents the situation of a husband wanting more sex and the wife not wanting to meet him at his level, Dr. Laura usually will provide the options as follows:

A) Wife has sex more often with the husband
B) Husband leaves
C) Husband hires sex workers
D) Husband gets a girlfriend on the side
E) Husband masturbates to porn

She says the wife can pick one. Of course, most of the wives don't want any of those. They want option F, which is just that the husband just be completely sexually frustrated. But in Dr. Laura's mind, even though she isn't a Christian nor a Bible believer in the conventional sense, a husband is owed sex because he's paid for it by laying down his life and signing a state contract that financially obligates him.

While sometimes the wife wants it more than the husband, it is usually the husband who wants it more. The norms of various cultures have dealt with this throughout history with polygyny (multiple wives), prostitution, and mistresses. Most American women reject that. Some of them encourage or "allow" their husband or boyfriend to use masturbation, porn, and toys. Other women don't.

Culturally and legally, there is no shame applied at all to men who stay free and run game, who can have sex any night they want. If one women isn't in the mood, he just moves on to the next woman in his phone's list of contacts, until he finds one who will welcome him. He doesn't need to share his earnings, or run errands, do chores, romance her, go on long walks, listen to her ramble on, or even buy her dinner. He doesn't need to care for her when she's sick, or deal with her parents or siblings, or even her friends. Nope. All he needs to do is text her when he wants some, and show up. He can repeat this with a different woman every night. Meanwhile, the Good Husband can go night after night, for weeks, months, even years, being rejected and going sexless no matter how good of a husband he is. And if he decides he can't take it anymore, he'll have to give up at least half of everything, pay for two legal teams, and likely pay ongoing alimony, maybe even for life.

Which one of those two guys will most men choose to be, if they really grasp that they have a choice? Of course there's always the "monk mode" choice, too, of staying free and not bothering with the sex. We are seeing men make these choices.

I urge men not to assault or harass or otherwise burden women. Only see them when they want you.

Why Married Men Should Have an Affair

To Whom Does Your Body Belong?

Is It OK For a Spouse to Withhold Sex?

Rejecting Your Man

When A Wife Rejects Her Husband

One Flesh or Not?

"Is It OK For Spouse to Withhold Sex?"

Someone came here by that search. [This entry is bumped up because it is still relevant.]

It used to be cultural and legally understood in this country that sex and marriage went hand-in-hand, so to speak. We can go all the way back to the Puritans, and if a wife told her friends her husband wasn't giving it to her as often as he should, word would inevitably get to other men in the community and that guy would be confronted. Withholding can be seen as a form of cheating. You're cheating your spouse out of something they should have.

Up until recent times, this concept of sex and marriage being necessarily intertwined continued. Unrelated men and women had no right to live together or even share a hotel room together, and in some places could be prosecuted for doing so. Marriages could be considered null if they were never "consummated" with intercourse. Husbands could rape their wives without violating a law, because her body, or at least her sexuality, belonged to him (and his to her... people forget that part). Adultery was grounds for divorce and could impact the outcome of the divorce. Affair partners can still, in a few places, be successfully sued by the scorned spouse for "alienation of affection". To this day, when a married person is a plaintiff in a lawsuit, their spouse can join in, depending, claiming a loss of consortium (less or no sex because of wrongs done to the spouse by the entity being sued).

The question about whether it is OK for a spouse to withhold sex has to be addressed to someone, though.

Not Everyone Wants the Same Life as Dennis Prager

As of Friday, August 2, 2024, Dennis Prager continues to frequently mock DINKs (double income, no kids) and lament that fewer people are marrying and having a lot of children.

I’m certain he’s going to be doing this on a regular basis for the rest of his radio career/life. That everyone who is able should marry and raise kids is his foundational core belief; I’m convinced his belief in the God of the Bible and his identifying with the Jewish religion is because he sees both as supporting that core belief, rather than the other way around.  

Fridays still have his Happiness Hour and this time it included “How do you want to look back on your life?” Dennis had his foundational belief (marry, remarry if divorced or widowed, raise kids) from an early age. He often cites that married men in his childhood congregation got to wear a shawl (so what?), and that when a child is born there’s the Jewish tradition of praying for the child to grow up for good deeds, Torah, and marriage (so, peer pressure from long dead people). 

It either doesn’t occur to him or he completely rejects that other people might think and feel differently, and that it can be legitimate. To him, they must be immature or somehow defective or mistaken in their thinking. It’s almost like he wants to be a fertility cult leader.

He’s prone to trying to back up his disproportional emotional fixation by citing alleged correlations as if they’re causal in the direction he wants, and anecdotes rife with selection bias.

It’s important for young men listening to him to know he’s been twice divorced, he’s got another man’s son living with him (and will until he dies or has his third divorce), he lives in a wealthy area, he constantly travels, he never eats a home-cooked meal from his home, and he rejects the norms of modern fatherhood under which the listeners will be expected to parent.

He finally referenced that last part, correctly asking if the current norms of parenting are discouraging some people from having children. He’s previously indicated he rejects them, by the way he talks about them. He expects children to occupy themselves, sit at the table with adults to be seen and not heard, to attend a peer’s birthday party without his involvement, to be fine with him NOT attending their artistic/scholastic or sports participations, and to sometimes stay home while he (and possibly whichever woman he’s currently married to) travels for fun. He’s encouraged grandparents of means to pay for their grandchildren to be homeschooled (such as replacing income), but how many people truly will be able to do that, and have it work with the family dynamics? Some will see that as giving the grandparents too much power.

He says people shouldn’t let children completely change their life.

But they will. Otherwise, they’ll be considered bad parents. We don’t live in the same world in which Dennis raised, or had his wife raise, children.

Children will change everything about the life of people having them now.

Dennis has made it clear he doesn’t think a marriage should stay together for the sake of minor children; I’d like to ask his children about that.

I get the impression Dennis’ life would be much the same whether or not he had children. He’d still do the work he did, he’d still travel like he does, eat like he does, observe sabbath like he does, attend/run a synagogue like he does, smoke cigars like he does, divorce and remarry. Most people don’t carry on life the same way once they are parents, nor should they.

Dennis HAS repeatedly indicated children put a damper on a sex life. Even as a marriage seller, he has to admit that. He chuckles about it. It’s not funny when you live through it.

Speaking of sex, he has written columns and made statements that draw accusations of supporting marital rape. Ladies, you should be clear about what Dennis means when he says you should marry: He thinks you will owe your husband sex, sex is something women do for men, and it’s fine for your husband to divorce you if you don’t hold up you end of the contract.

But in turn, he believes a husband owes you money, attention, romance, protection, etc. And your husband should still be the father for any kids, including conceived in adultery. 

His urging you to marry isn’t simply about getting you through a religious ceremony and into a state contract. It’s about a whole set of behaviors to which he thinks you should conform. 

He thinks you, ladies, will be much more rational if you have a husband, and it’s your lot in life to turn irresponsible, even violent “boys” into “real men” by being their wife.

During that particular Happiness Hour, Dennis again asserted that a man will work harder if married. If/when true, it means a man can spend his time doing what he wants if he stays free. He also again asserted that he doesn’t understand the thinking that one should be financially stable before marrying, in part because he says two can live “more cheaply” than one. 

This is horribly misleading to young men.

One of the most common reasons for marital strife and divorce is money. And remember, Dennis wants you popping out babies right away, so it won’t be just two. Guys, you shouldn’t marry, but if you’re going to, you should definitely wait until you’re financially well off and have achieved your dream, because marriage kills dreams and it costs men a lot of money, and the more wealth you have, the hotter the wife you can attract. 

People like Dennis can’t accept that life has changed.

We deal with reality here on this blog. We deal with the way things are. And with the way things are, most men shouldn’t marry, and most of those who shouldn’t marry shouldn’t have children. Get a vasectomy. Either go monk mode or run game. Or, if you absolutely must delude yourself into thinking you can have a woman who’ll meet your needs as long as you’re exclusive to her, don’t sign a terrible state contract with her and each of you should have your own places. She can stay responsible for hers. (DINKs aren’t ideal - most men should stay free.)

Be able to look back on your life and be happy you didn’t waste so much time, money, energy, and whatever else on a woman or women who ended up hating or resenting you. 

Wanting to be a Husband or Father

Guys, there's nothing inherently wrong with having a desire to be a "husband and father."

What I mean by that is that most people want some amount of companionship, and most people want to reproduce.

Society has traditionally channeled these into marriage. When most of us were living on family farms, that made sense. A man could get his own farm hands (and before that, hunting assistants) by growing them himself. Eventually, he'd get injured or ill or otherwise feeble and his progeny could take care of him and then bury him. To get those farm hands, he needed at least one woman. The woman would also provide companionship for him. He had incentive to protect her and the young children and make sure they had food to eat, and to teach those children (what some might call "mansplaining"). A woman could often feed the youngest children from her own body via breastfeeding.

For a man, underlying the desire to raise children was his desire to create his own assistants and allies. The desire for female companionship usually, conveniently, enabled the creation of those children.

But life has changed.

Running Game as a Father

If you have children, you need to make them your priority. If you're no longer with their mother and reconciling isn't possible, don't bring more chaos to their lives via new women and the children of those women.

Running game can help with that, because it minimizes the amount of time, money, and energy you spend on women and keeps those women separate from the rest of your life.

Get a vasectomy if you haven't already. Your kids don't need you making half-siblings for them to deal with.

Date when your kids are not with you. If you have full custody, see if your siblings or parents can babysit, but accept that you're not going to have as much free time or freedom as if you were a completely free man. Do not date when your minor children are with you, even if they are teens who can stay home without you. They need your attention.

Never bring any of your lovers around your minor children. Don't make the mistake of thinking you need a girlfriend or wife to be a mother figure for your children. If their mother isn't in their life, and you think they need a mother figure, move next to your sister or mother. Even if you'd foolishly want to marry (again or for the first time), marriages in which there are stepchildren have a very high failure rate.

If their mother is bringing her new lovers around them, if she even makes more babies, you can't control that, and it is all the more reason for YOU not to add chaos to the lives of your children. Make sure your children are aware and will report if any of their mother's lovers or the lover's children abuse or attempt to abuse them, because according to reported statistics, abuse is more likely in such situations.

If you didn't avoid creating a broken home for children, consider running game as how you handle dating.

More Fun With Statistics - Body Count and Marriage

"People who have no or fewer sex partners before marriage are more likely to be satisfied with their marriage and less likely to divorce."

Have you heard that or some variation of that?

Even if true, it would be completely useless to you if you've already married. If you've had "more" sex partners, then it would be all the more reason to avoid that terrible state contract! Or if she has. If you both have, that's EVEN MORE reason not to marry.

But some will find that statement useful in telling younger people to or anyone who has has "fewer" sex partners why they shouldn't have (more) sex outside of marriage.

It won't deter anyone who doesn't want to get married.

And it might not deter people who are good at analyzing data and statistics.

Let's look at a couple of graphs that are being used to push this message.

As Panscan points out, we're not seeing the entire graph. There's a 5 percent difference between people who have had 2 partners and people who've had eleven, twelve, or scores of partners. But it looks more dramatic when you remove all of the graph under 50 percent.

Also, if we're going to take the graph seriously, men who've had 6-10 partners are better off than men who've had four or five partners, and women who've had 11 or more partners are better off than women who've had 4 partners.

Even if a man "waited" for sex, there's still a 27 percent chance - more than 1 in 4, he will admit to not being very happy in his marriage. And for women, that's 35 percent - more than one in three!

Finally, notice that the husbands are happier than wives. Guys, don't be selfish by asking a woman to marry you!

Now let's look at the second graph.

This graph uses months.

Notice that people are divorcing a couple of years in. Guys, if you're foolish enough to marry, refuse to spend much on the wedding and related events.

80 months in (so a little over 6 and a half years in), the lowest rate of divorce is still 10 percent, meaning 1 in 10 couples. Most people will have had a 25 percent divorce rate! 1 in 4 couples!

Also, if we take this graph seriously, if you've had one premarital partner, you might as well have had countless, at lease as far as six years or so down the line.

What is really going on here?