The Prom Is For Girls and Gays

Here we are again. I'm hearing about The Prom again.

Every year now, I note this ritual, which has become another day, along with "Sweet Sixteen" (or other birthdays for certain cultures, at 13, 15, etc.) and wedding days (the the related events) that are all about feeding the narcissism and sense of entitlement of attention-whores and attention-whores-in-training.

Refer back to my "Beware the Prom", and this look at a Dear Abby column, and this look at a different Dear Abby column and now this entry on increasingly showy proposals ("promposals") for dates.

Stop it, guys! Unless you're gay and want to rub it into the noses of some uptight school staff or parents by taking someone of the same sex, you don't really want to go to a dance, do you? You don't really want to take girl to the prom, do you?

It a nutshell, here are my problems with the prom as it is these days:

1) Boys wasting money.

2) Another event where females are princess-ized, which is a problem as long as males are prevented, culturally/socially and often legally, from events that cater to them and are focused on them in a similar way. Go ahead and tell me... what event gives boys the equivalent of the prom, where the activities are all about things he wants to do, with the boys dressing the way they want to dress, the girls dressing the way the boys want them to dress, the girls paying for it and escorting the boys, and where the boys will go hang out with their friends during the event?

If you already have a date for the prom, break up with her. If you were planning to ask a girl, especially with some elaborate production, don't!

Some of you guys think that taking a girl to the prom means she will have sex with you. If she hasn't had sex with you yet, paying her way and being her display piece for the prom almost certainly will NOT make it happen. If she really is the kind of girl who will finally have sex with you because you took her to the prom, it's probably not worth it. You're far better off going straight to one of the "after parties". But even then, you're just asking for trouble, even more so if she's underage (even if YOU are underage). 

You're better off doing something else that night, even staying home and sleeping. If you're a very bad boy, you might want to track down a neighborhood "single" mom whose daughter is off to the prom that night and it has her (the mom) feeling nostalgic and over the hill. Just be careful or you'll end up a very young father.

Limits

It's hard for me to make long-term plans or plans months in advance. I'm not talking about finances. I have multiple investment/retirement accounts going, although I'd like to save more. I'm talking about making plans to be at certain places at a certain time, whether in a professional capacity or a personal one.

It's not a calendar issue. I maintain calendars for both my professional and person life, the latter share with my wife, thanks to technology.

No, the issues are:

1) Between school, activities for the kids, medical and therapy appointments, and of course my work, it's hard to clear any time without feeling like we'd be taking a big risk or neglecting something.

2) The kids fight each other and their mother, which means spending "extra" hours away from home is risky.

3) My wife's mental problems and those at least one of our kids inherited can make for unpredictable problems, which also is a risk and anxiety-making. My wife also has physical problems that can suddenly, unpredictably, prevent her from driving, meaning she won't be able to drive any of our kids somewhere or pick them up.

And aside from these issues, anything that will take both me and my wife out of town is hindered by:

4) The kids not being able to stay together, and the people who are might, possibly, (separately) take them are 45-60 minutes away (so if school is in session, it's not possible).

5) Multiple pets I very reluctantly allowed us to take on. (I've refrained from writing much about that on this blog, but I probably should.)

I never know when there will be a serious problem. Countless times I've had to stop working and drive home or somewhere else, often an hour away.

Sure, something can happen to anyone, but it is more likely to happen to my family or me than the average person.

Only for very rare occasions can we plan well in advance with a determination that one of us will follow through.

I often feel like I'm treading water and have a long to-do list. I think about things I've wanted to do with my kids or offer for them to do (think things like a particular sport), but I already feel so worn out and exhausted and know I'd need my wife to be able and willing to help facilitate their participation, and I simply can't rely on her.

You might read this and think, You have too much on your plate. Drop something.

I need to work, so that can't go.

I'm not dropping my wife or the kids.

I don't get together with the guys (not in person, anyway). I don't take classes. Other than work, what I do outside the home is run errands and do weekly personal therapy at the demand of my wife. I obviously do blog, but I'd go crazy if I didn't.

There's one thing. It's a personal project that will bring in a very small amount of extra income. But I just can't bring myself to drop it. It doesn't take up much time, and it is very important to me.

Sigh.

Don't marry, guys. Don't marry and do get a vasectomy.

Hold Those Hormones

I'm a follower of Christ, and I generally fall in line with the positions held by "conservative Christians" or "the Religious Right" (with a libertarian lean when it comes to government involvement), with a few notable exceptions, such as discouraging rather than encouraging men to legally marry, and not thinking that watching pixels of nude women and people appearing to have sex turns people into serial killers. I'm very familiar with the positions and reasoning used in these circles.

That brings me to something I find a bit frustrating, but I have to paint a detailed picture to explain it.

Here is a composite list of rules, based on what you can find in media featuring prominent leaders of this sort:

Confidential to Anonymous

Someone has sent me a couple of anonymous comments (not for publication) and I wanted to offer you thanks for your comments and I wanted to encourage you to stay strong.

There's nothing wrong at all with your status.

That some people think it is somehow negative or that you're lacking is erroneous thinking on their part.

Continue to think critically. Continue to think of what is best for you. Getting married and having children, if done "right", is about self-sacrifice. Sacrifices shouldn't be made for lost causes. What I mean is, you'd sacrifice yourself and, chances are, the outcome wouldn't be worth your sacrifice.

Remember these pages and posts:

Why You Don't Want to Do That
https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/p/why-you-dont-want-to-do-that.html

Quiz For Men: Should You Get Married?
https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/p/blog-page_30.html

To What Should Males Aspire?
https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2016/12/to-what-should-males-aspire.html

Why We Should Use the Death Penalty

Here's another one of those all-too-common cases to remember when you see people encouraging others to become parents. It's from Alejandra Reyes-Velarde and it was in the Los Angeles Times:

A Fontana woman previously convicted of child abuse has been charged in the death of her 3-year-old daughter, who died days after being taken to the hospital with injuries that authorities said stemmed from abuse.

Fontana is in the "Inland Empire", which is the part of California that east of Los Angeles county and the OC and west of the border with Arizona and Nevada. There are some fine people who live in the Inland Empire, but it's also home to a lot of people who are wasting their human potential.

Miriam Sandoval, 37, and the child’s father, Richard Rojo, 34, were arrested Feb. 27 after Fontana police responded to a medical aid call in the 9500 block of Madrona Avenue. When they arrived, officers found a 3-year-old girl who was not breathing, authorities said.

Nice. Notice he's the "child's father", so I guess that means they never bothered to marry?

The girl was taken to the hospital and died Sunday, Fontana police spokesman Jay Sayegh said. 

It’s unclear how the girl died, but Sayegh said she had “significant visible body injuries.”

Infuriating.

Sandoval previously was convicted of child abuse after the girl, as an infant, suffered broken bones, including a broken pelvis.

A broken flippin' pelvis. On an infant.

“It’s extremely frustrating,” Sayegh said, adding that the woman was put on probation after a plea deal. “This is a woman who should have never been around those kids again. It’s heartbreaking.”

Gotta love those plea deals. Imagine the life that kid lived.

Sandoval and Rojo have two other children: the dead girl’s twin sister and a boy about 6, Sayegh said. The children are now under the care of the county’s Children and Family Services Department, police said.

Let's hope they don't end up with abusers.

Authorities do not think Rojo participated in the abuse, but Sayegh said the man was negligent.

He knocked the woman up at least twice knowing she was an example of toxic femininity.

“The father took no actions to protect the children,” he said. “That’s his obligation.”

There's something to remember, guys. If you don't protect the children, you're also held responsible. This is something I've had to remember myself. As far as I know, my wife hasn't physically or sexually abused our children, but physical and sexual abuse aren't the only forms of abuse.

At least one of these adults deserves the death penalty, which California still technically has, but it's a joke because the thing has been thwarted by cruel people.