One Example of a Free Man

It didn't occur to me until the other day that a friend I've had for decades is an excellent example of a Free Man. [This entry has been bumped up, relevant as ever.]

I need to keep things vague to protect his privacy. If I described his work, you would almost certainly be familiar with at least some of it. He's helped create billions of dollars in value in his career.

I keep seeing assertions that men who adopt the marriage strike will end up lonely, sad, pathetic, etc. But my friend, let's call him Henry, is in his 70s now and he seems very happy. He's certainly admired.

He's never been married. As far as I know, he's never had a woman (or man) living with him since college and hasn't had an exclusive girlfriend since early adulthood. He has no children (or, if he does, they were adopted out and remain a secret). This isn't for a lack of potential suitors. There is no shortage of women (or men!) who'd marry him if they could.

Is Finding Love Harder For Smarties?

Melissa Noble wrote for YourTango.com (I found it via Yahoo):

Dr. Alex Benzer is a Harvard and Cambridge educated certified hypnotherapist who thinks "smart people" (his definition: the top 5% of the population) have a harder time dating than the rest of us dim guys.

She then goes on to explain why she disagrees.

I have heard smart women say they have a tougher time finding someone. I don't know if it really is true or not, as I haven't looked up the stats and I'm not a woman. (And how does she know she has a tougher time – has she gone undercover as a "dumb" and found it easier?) But if a woman who really is smart is having a tough time, perhaps the following reasons are at play:

1. Women tend to seek to "marry up". They want someone smarter than they are, more accomplished than they are, and who earns more than they do. Well, if she is scary smart herself (and, as a result, accomplished and earning big bucks), that makes it harder for her to marry up. The pool is smaller. Men usually don't have this problem, especially if they are just (or initially) asking a woman out because of her looks. The guys might not care if she's dumb as a post.

2. In addition to wanting to marry up, a smart woman is going to be more picky. She's smart enough to know that she has a limited amount of time and she doesn't want to waste it on something that isn't going to lead to anything but just temporary physical pleasure at best, or heartache and stress. So, it isn't that there aren't men available, it is that they don't meet her standards.

3. Smart women may get so busy with education and career that they don't take the time to engage in the necessary socialization.

4. Some say that men are intimidated by smart women. But this statement is needlessly specific. Men are intimated by women, and always have been. There are guys who don't want to listen to a woman talk much – mostly guys who just want sex or perhaps a girlfriend - or guys who crave quiet - and smart girls are often prone to talking so as to show you that they are smart. That is great if you want to have intelligent conversation or a healthy debate. No so much if you're looking to get it on. Smart guys do this, too... but their hormones usually override their ego fairly quickly, and they shut up.

Some cynical folks would say this is chicken-and-egg deal. I've heard some say that the reason these women are smart is that they had to be, because they realized early on in their lives that they weren't going to get by on their looks – and that smart and beautiful girls learned early on it was easier to get by on their looks and so stopped growing as much intellectually.

I know there are women who are both smart and beautiful. And have been able to find love. My wife is such a woman. I don't think she married up in the brains department, though.

So - do you know smart people, male are female (including yourself) who seem to have a tougher time than the average person in finding love?