Dennis Prager Discussed Virginity

During his Male/Female Hour on his Wednesday, March 29, 2023 program, inspired by a previous caller, Dennis Prager asked callers about whether virginity was important in looking for a spouse and why. Dennis, who is in the middle of writing commentaries on the Torah (the first five books of the Bible), says while he thinks ideally intercourse should be saved for marriage, he "doesn't have the understanding that it is important in choosing a wife." Uh, well, I'll have to look up how he explains the Torah passages that have been cited as saying otherwise.

The first or one of the earliest callers was a woman whose son is 40 or almost 40, says he's intentionally kept this virginity, and he wants to marry a woman who has, too. Dennis asked if the son really does want to get married, and the caller related how her son had talked about wanting to be a husband and father, but some of the women he was interested in weren't interested in him, and vice-versa.

When Dennis found out that the caller was divorced from her son's father and is remarried, to a man who was also previously married, Dennis said "So it doesn't matter!" and encouraged her to point out to her son that she wasn't a virgin when she married a second time and neither was her husband.

What does Dennis mean that "it doesn't matter."? Any two people who are currently unmarried and aren't too closely related and are old enough to legally consent can get married. It doesn't make it a good idea! For all we know, the caller's marriage is terrible, or it will soon be. (Of course, that doesn't seem to be a problem for Dennis... divorce is no big deal to him other than it means people won't be married for a period of time.) People who beat each other can get married. Does that mean someone shouldn't seek to avoid a spouse-beater? There are always people who marry despite problems and red flags. It doesn't mean they should!

It's not unreasonable for someone who is looking to marry for the first time to want someone who has had the same lifestyle as them.

Dennis is so emotionally fixated on the idea that everyone should be married that he thinks people should abandon their standards.

He went on to encourage the caller to ask her son if God wants him to stay unmarried rather than to marry a woman who isn't a virgin. Dennis referred to "It's not good for man to be alone," which is from the Torah (and I argue is collective... none of us are alone now), but what about what the rest of the Torah says about choosing a wife???

Now, let's be clear here. I never had virginity as a requirement for a wife. If I got trapped in some silly "alternate life" movie that had me unmarried and I HAD to marry, I'd AVOID virgins. My advice to any man who is foolish enough to marry is to marry a woman who can at least pretend to want sex with grown men. And I warn women that men who are willing to "wait" might be gay, asexual, low drive, pedophiles, or dealing with some psychological problem.

But if a man or woman insists her spouse be a virgin, I don't try to talk them out of that, or any other standard they might have. Because I think it's fine for people to never marry.

One caller came close to articulating a logical reason clearly, but I don't think Dennis got enough good responses on the program.

It is important to note that the caller who inspired the hour was looking for women in their early 20s. He wasn't looking for a 45 year-old virgin. And based on what people have said, they want to marry a virgin because...

• That is what their religion teaches and they want someone who demonstrates adherence to the religion
• They see virginity as a special gift and if they're going to marry someone, they think they should be the ones to receive (and, as the case might be, reciprocally give) that gift
• If both of them are virgins, they will be at the same level of (lack of) experience
  
• They see it as a sign of self-control that will make it more likely their spouse will remain faithful and endure times in which there won't be sex
• They believe it reduces potential problems with jealousies
• They don't want their spouse remembering past experiences
• They don't want their spouse making comparisons to past lovers
• They don't want to be with someone who has "a reputation" or is the subject of gossip
• They don't want to bump into their spouse's past lovers
• Some people believe that people, especially women, have a hard time bonding well with a spouse if she has previously bonded this way with others
  
• Some women get bored of sex, and so her being a virgin means it will take longer for her get bored of sex with him
  
• Men don't want to pay or pay more for what other men have gotten for less or free
• Some men see it as problematic for their wife to have had another man's cells/DNA inside of her
• STDs
• Virgins haven't had abortions
  
• Virgins don't have any biological children somewhere out there
  

I find some of those reasons to be silly or downright contrary to facts, and you likely do, too, but since Dennis asked the question, I wanted to provide the answer. Those aren't MY reasons, but reasons I know others have.

I wouldn't advise a man look for a virgin to be his wife. But I wouldn't advise most men look for a wife. Men who are just looking for hookups, booty calls, or even just "a girlfriend" should avoid virgins. Sex is a learned skill.

The State of My Union

To give you an idea of where I'm coming from, I will occasionally provide some updates and general evaluation of my current life.

I'm a husband and father. We have pets. My wife and I are homeowners with a mortgage that's probably less than a third of the value of the house right now. We have no other debt; we don't carry credit card debt beyond the free monthly limit. I'm the breadwinner. I don't hate what I do to earn money but much of it I only do for the money; it's not what I wish I was doing. I earn more than the average for the area in an area that is generally higher than the national average. Our kids are minors.

Thankfully, I'm not in bad health (as far as I know) but I could be more healthy.

Cutting Back 20 Percent

I've written much about the Dr. Laura Program on this blog.

I remain a fan of the program and the woman who hosts it, even though there are a few serious things with which I disagree. I think she mostly gets things right.

Sometime last year, Dr. Laura started taking one day per week off, almost always on Friday. "Best of" recordings are played on Friday or whichever day she takes off, and offered for the podcast listeners.

This means a 20-percent reduction in new content, since it is a weekday program.

Actually, that's not entirely accurate because often, during the four live programs, previously aired calls are played, and not just when there are technical problems. Dr. Laura tends to confirm to the audience when there were technical problems and thus recordings were played.

No, these previously aired calls are slipped in without any acknowledgement that they are previously aired calls, perhaps due to a lack of people calling in or Dr Laura needing to handle something (she works from her home).

Some podcast subscribers, who are paying, are asking if the price will be reduced or not. Asking that question on the program's social media might result in a ban.

The reduction in new, live content must be fine with SiriusXM, because she signed a new contract with them late last year and the days off and the repeat calls have continued.

This reminds me of how Howard Stern cut back on his live shows (I know Dr. Laura hates to be mentioned in the same place as him, but this is strictly about schedules.) I remember when Johnny Carson, in later years of hosting The Tonight Show, in addition to all the weeks he took off, would work Tuesday through Thursday. Jay Leno did the Monday shows and repeats were aired Fridays, or Carson would record two shows on Thursday.

As I was writing this, another ongoing thing occurred again: Someone botched the podcast. The podcast is supposed to be the program that aired that day, uploaded as one recording for each hour, with the breaks removed. Sometimes a segment gets repeated (thus replacing a segment), sometimes the hour get cut short (for example, it will be 37 minutes instead of the 48ish it normally is), and sometimes, like this time, the wrong hour gets uploaded. This time it was especially noticeable because instead of being an hour from a couple of weeks ago, it was the second hour of yesterday's program being uploaded again as the third hour. Mistakes happen. But when they aren't corrected, and asking about them on the program's social media can result in being blocked, that's not a good look. Will this latest one get corrected? Based on experience... It might. It might not. [UPDATE: It was fixed.]

Like me, you might find it is still worth it to pay for the program. Bit understand you're getting four programs per week, not five, and some of the four new programs contain content you'll start to recognize as having aired before.

Why Do You Read This Blog?

I'd  like to "hear" from you, especially if you're a returning reader. Leave a comment below. You can post anonymously. If you don't want your comment published, say so in the comment and I will delete it after reading it. Comments have to be approved before they can be published.

You don't have to be supportive. Maybe you come here because you hate what I write. Maybe you like it when I write about being miserable (when I do). That's fine, too. Just let me know why you read this blog. If you want more of something or less of something, say so. I might not adjust in a way you like, but maybe I will.

So... tell me. 

Thanks.