Train Wreck Thrills Dennis Prager

Dennis Prager was so thrilled with an article that he happily read it and touted it on his radio show, had the writer on his show, and linked to the article on his website. Dennis Prager was downright giddy about it.

Turns out this guy is his friend. Now, I don't expect Dennis to trash his friend, especially on the air. Instead, he simply should not have mentioned the article. But Dennis couldn't help himself, because he's so obsessed with advocating that people marry and have children that he lauds it even if it is clearly a train wreck.

Dr. Laura and Dennis Prager would both be called conservative talk show hosts. Yet I  think Dr. Laura would, in most of my points below, agree with me. If Dennis' friend had called Dr. Laura on the air and proposed what we'll see below, Dr. Laura would have probably ripped him a new one.

Enough intro.

Joel Alperson wrote at Medium "How to Marry and Have Four Newborns at 60."

Right off the bat, that's a huge NOPE!!!

A Chinese woman in her late 40’s and an American man of almost 60 were finally living their dream.

Over ten years of age difference. Not good. Of course Dennis, being married to a woman 15 years his junior, has no qualm about that.

Wei (my wife) was a perfect fit and throughout the nine years she worked for us, there was never a flirt or hint of anything romantic between us. That was more my doing than hers.

After all, she wasn’t Jewish (and I wanted to have a Jewish family), she was an employee, she lived in China and was married. What’s more, it was around the time I hired Wei that I met the woman I would marry.

So this a second marriage (at least) for each. Most second marriages divorce. Different country, different culture, was an employee, different religion... how many red flags can there be?

But, as life is rarely predictable and sometimes horribly unfair, this seemingly impossible-to-marry single, who married for the first time at 47, saw his marriage end in divorce after only seven years.

That was to be expected since you married at the first time at 47.

I was shattered. The part of my life I most wanted was now over.

After finally starting a race that almost everyone else I knew was running, I found myself behind the starting line again.

Getting married and popping out kids is a race?

But it’s funny, things can happen when one is running out of time. As options narrow, choices that once seemed crazy can seem perfectly reasonable.

That's called desperation.

Who would help me start my search for a wife in China? It was Wei.

The woman who became his next wife. Conflict of interest?

It was only after months of meeting other women in different parts of China, usually after Wei had traveled to, yes, meet and pre-qualify them, that I finally noticed her.

This isn't romantic. It's a mess.

After over ten years of employing her, I told Wei that of all the women I had met in China, the one I most wanted to be with was her. She was stunned — both for the reason I expected and for one I hadn’t: she had committed to marry another man.

I felt even worse when she added that she had been interested in me for years. But, like a professional poker player, she’d had no “tells”. She never betrayed her feelings even slightly.

This is so painful!!!!

But Wei’s marriage was troubled from the beginning. Though married, they lived in different cities, seeing each other and communicating with one another rarely. The last straw was when Wei learned her husband was communicating with other women via a Chinese chat service.

Is she bad at picking men? Or does she neglect them?

She separated from him and virtually all contact between them ended.

That what she told you.

It was after this separation and her plans for a divorce that we started talking about our future together.

Why include a detail like this? Maybe you're protesting too much?

Given that a divorce in China can be appealed and the extreme acts some in China will take to save face, Wei’s escape ultimately involved her hiding from her husband for almost two years.

Yeah, this is a way to start a marriage.

Another challenge was how we could quickly have the two or three children we wanted (yes, we have four . . . remember that part about life being unpredictable?). As Wei was still living in China, we chose to have our children in Asia.

Remember, she was in her 40s. He was in his 50s. They rented wombs, which, especially in other countries, can be fraught with ethical issues.

And as she was too old to have them naturally, we used surrogates. The laws surrounding this type of childbirth forced us to operate in multiple countries.

Maybe that should have been a clue!!!

A friend helped us find two surrogates — in Thailand of all places. And the embryos were implanted in Cambodia (don’t ask about the room where I gave my sperm sample. The awful porn DVD they were playing was, to put it mildly, not helpful).

So it was ALLEGEDLY his sperm. Has he done a DNA test? Whose eggs were used? Another ethical consideration.

How many human beings were discarded in this process? ("Extra" embryos)

As their due dates approached, the surrogates traveled to China where our children were born. You’re probably thinking, “Wasn’t there an easier way to do this?” Maybe, but I don’t regret our choice because the result was four happy, healthy children.

You could have adopted embryos or born children, you know, instead of intentionally creating children whose parents will be elderly before long.

The moral of this story? Actually, there are three.

Don't marry. Don't have kids. Avoid working with women.

The first is that fear can destroy one’s life and it had seriously compromised mine. It was fear that kept me from confronting my dad over the very poor relationship we had.

Oh, hello.

Don't Fall For the Fundraising Ploy

Let's look at the legal/political and cultural track record of the "religious right," shall we? Mind you, I'm in agreement with Evangelical Protestants when it comes to theology, and, in a lot of respects, how to live. The "religious right" tends to be comprised of people who identify as some variation of Christian or what are seen as related faiths, including Mormonism, and some Jews, mostly Orthodox and some Conservatives, who are politically active and try to align their political positions with their faith.

They've had a little success with restrictions on abortion, but essentially elective abortion has been broadly legal for 47 years, and many ardent pro-life religious conservatives are saying they just want it to go back to the states, which means just about anyone who wants an abortion will still be able to get one even if it is taken away from the federal level.

They've also had some success with limiting sex ed in public schools. That's a battle that continues.

I don't know if there is any area where they've had more success than religious freedom, but they haven't gotten everything they've wanted and, if we're honest, this wasn't just their cause; there has been broad public support, including from many people who aren't religious, for some basic religious freedom; it's an enumerated Constitutional right.

That's a small list of victories. The list of legislative and cultural failures is far longer.

As much noise as they made about these things, these people were not able to stop:

• Sex, violence, raunchiness, and anti-Christian themes in music, video games, and media in general


• Widespread acceptance and use of sexual toys and aids (and yes, they did try)


• Mainstreaming of sexy lingerie (Victoria's Secret shops in malls, complete with easily visible ads and displays?)


• Decriminalization and widespread acceptance/destigmatization of fornication


• Decriminalization and widespread acceptance/destigmatization of unmarried cohabitation


• Legitimizing and widespread acceptance of out-of-wedlock parenting


• Widespread acceptance and practicing of casual sex, booty calls, hooking up, friends-with-benefits


• Women in more military roles


• "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" for LGBTQ people in the military


• Replacement of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" with further acceptance


• Adoption of domestic partnership laws for same-sex couples


• Legalization and widespread acceptance of same-sex marriage


• Adoptions by same-sex couples


• Reproductive technologies and programs such as surrogate gestation, in vitro fertilization, sperm donation, egg donation, freezing embryos
  
  
• "Death with dignity" options for assisted suicide


• Increasing acceptance of transgenderism, genderfluidity, nonbinary identity, gender nonconforming, and increasing legal protections thereof


• Gay-Straight Alliances and similar organizations in schools


• Sex week at colleges


• LGBTQ representation in media and theme park events


• LGBTQ pride representation by large companies with prominent brands


• Gambling (lotteries, casinos, etc.)


• Increasing marijuana legalization


• Barring of creationism/intelligent design in public schools


• Denial of public education vouchers

Try as they did, they also weren't able to prevent Bill Clinton from getting elected (defeating Reagan's former VP and incumbent President George H. W. Bush) and re-elected, prevent Obama from getting elected (defeating a ticket with Sarah Palin) and re-elected, prevent Trump from getting the GOP nomination, nor the election of Joe Biden, nor have they been able to stop the House and Senate, over the recent decades, from going Democratic some of the time. 

So what makes them think their latest push will work?

The push I'm talking about is a recent call by a few elected Republicans followed by dutiful columnists, to try to "fight" "porn". It's especially ridiculous considering there is very little agreement on what would constitute victory (what does fight really mean) and what counts as the kind of porn that must be fought.

Thanks to This Anonymous Commenter

I wrote here about how marrying was the biggest mistake I've ever made. There are great comments at the bottom of the entry.

A new anonymous comment was left recently, and I want you to see it.

You might as well put no date on this - it's timeless and true. Insane custody battle with ex-wife and final focus on my kids took a chunk out of me. Fast forward, haven't talked to my youngest for 2 years (she lives with mom and her 72 year old boyfriend (she's 57)) and just reconnected with my oldest. Almost remarried last year until the shrieking started and I ended it, narrowly escaping another lifetime of torment.

Anonymous, I'm so sorry about all that crap you've been through. I hope your comments and my postings can help prevent someone else from going through such awful stuff, and I'm glad you did avoid making another serious mistake.

Don't get married if you're a man. Just don't.

Excellent advice.

Most men can have full, happy, worthwhile, productive lives without legally marrying. Marriage is NOT to a man's benefit if he's a breadwinner. Most marriages fail. There's simply no compelling reason to take the risks and obligations, and many reasons not to.

He also provided two great links. Read them, especially if you are man who is planning to marry or ever just open to marrying.

Here they are:

https://philip.greenspun.com/blog/2015/09/21/burning-man-attitudes-toward-marriage-and-children/

https://web.archive.org/web/20120310135102/http://themenscenter.com/busterb/dont_get_married.htm

Dennis Prager Show on College Dating

Recently, Dennis Prager covered the topic of how college students/young people interact when it comes to sex or attempted romance. He has an intern from Harvard on-air weekly during this summer. She described that most of her peers haven't been on actual dates in the last year or two (even before lockdowns).

What they would do is talk with a prospect at a party, and then go somewhere somewhat private for a hookup. (Please note, she wasn't saying she did these things, but that is was common with her peers.)

She pointed out, including with actual texts, that women her age think is is creepy for a man to ask a woman out on a date.

Of course this bothers Dennis Prager, who wants men to ask women out, romance them, marry them, and make babies with them.

But this is the world as it is now.

Decent men who are willing to ask a woman out and pay her way through an evening of dinner and entertainment and conversation are seen as creepy.

Meanwhile, men can get sex easily, without spending any money at all, without having to plan and execute a date.

Learn from this, guys.

Don't be creepy!!! Do NOT take her out to dinner and a movie. Do NOT ask to meet for lunch of coffee. Don't send her gifts.

If you want to meet up, ask her what time she's having dinner. Then, add 90 minutes to the time she gives you and tell her you'll meet her for drinks at that time, or you'll bring some wine to her place, depending.

If there isn't an available woman in your contacts that you haven't seen already in the last week, try hanging out in a hotel bar. DO NOT approach women. That would be creepy! Rather, look like you are waiting for a buddy or watching the game the have on the screen. Hot women hate to be ignored. If one approaches you, take it from there.

Long live equality and liberation!

Marriage Sellers Try to Fool Husbands Again

The marriage sellers at Institute for Family Studies are trying to fool husbands into telling their wife about their porn viewing preferences.

“One day when my husband left the house, I built up the courage to search our Internet history. What I found was a stark reality. I felt sick and numb, until the pain and the anger finally rolled in. I can handle a lot of things—but lying isn’t one of them.”

So she'd still be happy if she hadn't snooped, right? How about how violated he feels?

What have we learned from this, guys?

1) Don't marry or even live with a woman.

2) If you're going to ignore that first point, cover your tracks.

In a nationally representative study of couples in committed relationships, 37% of men reported more pornography use than their partner believed was occurring.

Emphases mine.

What that tells us is when the men know how often then can expect sex, 63 percent are viewing porn less or the same amount as their partner believes. Basically, 2/3rds. A significant majority.

In casually dating relationships, 43% of the men reported using pornography daily or every other day, while none of their partners reported awareness of that level of use.

One thing this tells us is that avoiding a "committed" relationship allows men much more privacy. It also tells us 57 percent of men who are in causal relationships aren't even viewing porn as often as every other day.

Notice we aren't told how often the men in supposedly committed relationships are viewing porn. Just that a minority of them are doing it more often than their partner thinks.

Viewers may reason that their private behavior concerns only themselves or hide their activity to prevent negative reactions from their partner.

And they are right.

However, openness and honesty in a relationship—transparency—is about more than pornography itself.

Oh?

You look terrible in that.

It's not what you're wearing that makes you look fat.

You look like crap in general these days.

We don't want to watch your stupid shows.

We don't want to deal with your parents or siblings.

We don't want to deal with your friends.

We're tired of making a big deal about February 14 and our anniversary.

We mind a lot that you stopped doing that thing in bed.

How's that for honesty? And don't think I'm unaware that most women have terrible truths to say to men, too. We know you think you settled.

One of the vital elements of relational well-being is secure attachment, or a partner’s ability to view the relationship as safe and dependable.

How is that possible when most relationships end?

Besides being a matter of relationship ethics, keeping intimate information and behavior from one’s romantic partner, especially when it touches upon the sexual realm, can erode relationship trust and couple intimacy, jeopardizing secure attachment.

Oh, that's a hoot. Like she's really told him everything about her sexual experiences.

Sustaining secure attachment requires openness, honesty, fidelity, and trust.

OK, then most people aren't going to have sustained secure attachment. Most don't.

With men three to four times more likely to view pornography alone and leave their partners in the dark about it, pornography use is known to specifically impact the attachment trust of female partners.

Men are visual creatures. Women are far more likely to use a vibrator alone. Is it wrong for women to use vibrators alone and not volunteer to their partner how often they do?

Pornography’s scripts of eroticism, objectification, promiscuity, and misogyny combined with secrecy can significantly impair attachment for both partners.

Oh, yes, it's the secrecy that makes it bad. It would all be fine with this folks if men watched porn but were upfront transparent about it, right?

Give me a break.

There's nothing wrong with eroticism. It's the whole point of porn!

"Objectification" is one of those words most people don't even really know the meaning of. All media objectifies.

Promiscuity? Ah, so, they'd be just fine with porn if the characters were all married to each other? Again, give me a break.

Misogyny? Sure, if you define that as women doing things men like.

As many as one-half of women in romantic relationships disapprove of pornography to some degree

Some because of articles like this. All the more reason to stay a Free Man.

A Review of the Dr. Laura Show Podcast - UPDATED

I've been a listener of talk radio for a long time. Currently, there are three radio talk radio shows for which I listen via their paid subscription podcast of the shows. These are supposed to be their regular daily (weekday) shows, minus the breaks.

All of these shows air Monday through Friday. This time, I'm reviewing the Dr. Laura Schlessinger Show podcast.

Overview

The show runs live on SiriusXM 111 from 11am-2pm Pacific Time. It's a call-in talk show, although Dr. Laura will often read letters on the air. Less frequently, she will monologue, and when she does, it is usually to start the show and won't last more than 20 minutes, usually a lot less. It might be about the news or a movie she watched or competitive sailing or her dog, or a list of tips or just about anything. The bulk and core of the show, however, are the calls.

With very few exceptions, the calls are about morals, values, ethics, dealing with anxiety or other unwanted feelings, and behaving better and more effectively when it comes to dating, relationships, marriage, parenting, work, family, neighbors, staying healthy, etc. Dr. Laura's priority is what's best for children. The calls are NOT about politics or the news, other than "How do I deal with anxiety over what's happening in the news?" or "My brother hates me because of my politics." Callers are also not allow to address or reference another caller other than to say "Their call prompted me to call in." Dr. Laura WILL NOT debate or argue - about anything. The show is there for her to get her messages out, and as she admits, sometimes she can't help the caller at all, but rather the caller serves as a warning to listeners about what NOT to do.

Are You A Free Man? Celebrate and Cherish Your Independence

Independence Day is upon us in the USA.

If you are a Free Man, celebrate and cherish your independence.

Whether you are a Free Man or not, encourage other men to stay free.