Big Thanks

A big thanks to the person or people who linked to this blog within the last few days. My visits shot way up. I'm not enough of a tech nerd to have anything in place that tells me exactly where the link was placed. If you want to let me know, comment below (you comment doesn't have to be published... let me know if you DON'T want it published. Thanks again!

A Running List of Reasons Given By My Wife

This will be a running list, in no particular order, of reasons or excuses my wife (and maybe yours!) gives to NOT make love or have sex. As I've written in other entries, we're down to about once every three weeks, and usually it's a mercy session.

Some of these reasons might be legitimate some of the time; I'll grant that. But cumulatively, it is rather sad, given that this is supposed to be a mutually enjoyable "gift from the Lord" that is supposed to be a major benefit to marriage that, in turns, strengthens marriage and is good for our health and all of the other stuff.

Now, I know how the world works. The average man wants sex more than the average woman, and the same holds true for our little microcosm: I want sex more than my wife. Traditionally, on a societal level, this has either been handled through official polygny or through mistresses, concubines, or prostitution. Or, even if monogamous, there has been an agreement, whether tacit or explicit, that marriage is an exchange. The wife has agreed to sex as often as the husband wants it (in addition to cooking and making sure the household chores are done) because he's protecting her, providing for her, and keeping the children in line (even with just the threat of what'll happen when Dad comes home). This agreement seems to have been abandoned for the most part, which is one reason why most men shouldn't bother to marry. I'm fulfilling my end of the bargain, however.

I'm sure there are some snarky types out there who will read these and tell me that if I was a more considerate and all-around better lover, I wouldn't hear these excuses so often. See, that's what I'd believe, too, if I didn't have the experiences of my wayward youth. I know it isn't me. And I have solicited her thoughts and feelings during neutral times (away from lovemaking situations) about what I can do to make things easier and more enjoyable for her. The bottom line is that, whether because of her medications or some other reason, she doesn't like sex much. She pretended to be craving sexual affection before we married, and still somewhat until we had our children, because she wanted the guarantee of my financial support. Once she had it, she no longer had to pretend. She will not say it that way, but that's the harsh truth. (And it is the harsh truth for a lot of men. I suspect the real reason prostitutes are put down is because they deliver when they're paid and paid women who don't deliver hate that.)

Same goes for "You should be romancing her. I bet you're not taking her out on dates like you did before you married!" Hey, I've tried. She shoots down dates, she doesn't want flowers, and she doesn't want me drawing a nice bath for her.

Feel free to add your own reasons or excuses in the comments, even if you're a woman whose husband is rejecting her.

Since this is a running list it will be updated and bumped up from time to time, and I'll elaborate on some excuses.

Dennis Prager, Devout Christians, and Divorce

As I've pointed out before, Dennis Prager is not a hypocrite on divorce. His critics love to point out he's been divorced twice (so far), but Dennis has never said people shouldn't divorce. He does say people should marry and that if it is miserable or the contract, as he sees it, isn't being upheld, they should divorce (so they can marry someone else).

The problem is, the company for which Mr. Prager, a believing Jew, primarily works in radio, Salem, is a Christian company, quite aligned with Evangelicalism. While it still happens a lot, divorce is strongly discouraged in Evangelicalism and it is looked down upon. Mr. Prager says he doesn't understand why it is looked down upon and discouraged. Evangelicals and similar believers cite Jesus' words in the Bible (Matthew 5:32 and 19:9) that divorce is only permitted in the event of "marital unfaithfulness" or "sexual immorality" depending on which translation is being used. In this case, "marital unfaithfulness" is referring to sexual matters, not simply being a bad spouse. What exactly is entailed in "sexual immorality" is debated, although Evangelical leaders will usually (publicly, if not in personal behavior) define that as "having sex with anyone other than your spouse, including threesomes and swinging with your spouse, and looking at porn."

It Might Be OK to Get Married If...

It might be OK to get married if...

• You know for sure she's infertile
• You will each maintain separate residences and she has signed quitclaim deeds to any properties you own
  
• You will not co-mingle finances
  
• She has signed, on video, with her lawyer present, and with a judge going over it with her, an iron-clad prenup before a wedding date was set
• You do not agree to exclusivity, so she can't control whether or not you are going to go on dates or have sex
  

Otherwise, marrying is far too risky for most men and most men have no good reason to marry.