A look at the world from a sometimes sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek, decidedly American male perspective. Lately, this blog has been mostly about gender issues, dating, marriage, divorce, sex, and parenting via analyzing talk radio, advice columns, news stories, religion, and pop culture in general. I often challenge common platitudes, arguments. and subcultural elements perpetuated by fellow Evangelicals, social conservatives. Read at your own risk.
Friday, December 29, 2023
Too Few Friends?
Thursday, December 28, 2023
Life is Generally Better
People who think life is terrible now lack perspective.
Life is terrible now? Compared to what???
This isn't to minimize individual tragedies, pain, loss, trauma, or horrors. I'm talking about the world in general, especially the West. If you read other entries in this blog, you see that I'm definitely not someone who advocates that people have children unless they really, really want them and can provide them a good home. But when I see people say the world is too messed up and that's why they're not having children, it defies understanding of history.
For most of human history, just about everyone worked - hard and usually physical labor with dangers - from about the time they could walk until they died. They worked long hours and six or seven days per week. Vacations? What are those??? Life was hard, it was very limited, and it was short. You lived your entire life in the place you were born, upward mobility wasn't much of a thing, your options for just about everything in life were far more limited than they are now. Rest, relaxation, leisure were in short supply. A disability was much more likely to mean an even more limited and shorter life. Treatment options for injuries, illnesses, and physical problems were very limited compared to now.
Personal net worth and access to goods and services was generally a tiny fraction of what it is now.
War, violence, famine, barbarity, corruption, oppression, injustice, disease, dealing with threats from animals and severe weather are the default state of human life; it is only by hard work at civilization that these things have been limited, when and where they have been. And they have been.
When people think of things they think they like about the past, it is always taken out of the larger context.
Just one of many examples today are Generation X people (and older) who reminisce about the 1980s. Maybe they'll mention the music, the movies, the television shows, video games, restaurant chains, or something along those lines. But that drops the context of the looming threat of nuclear world war, HIV seemingly poised to become a pandemic as a certain death sentence, and, conversely, countless other things we've enjoyed since, and just about all the works of art and entertainment enjoyed then are still available to enjoy now in some form.
There are a couple of major things that especially seem to dampen the outlook of younger adults and adolescents: education costs and housing costs. It's true that those have far outpaced inflation. As far as housing goes, there isn't really much new land being made. But we have plenty of land. It's really regulations that slow or prevent the construction of "enough" new units. This is, indeed, one of many problems with big government. Hopefully, this problem will be reduced somewhat by replacing existing apartment and condo buildings with taller ones, adding housing units to struggling malls, converting some floors of commercial high rises to housing, and with slowing population growth. Education costs are high because of what essentially amounts to cartels and government interference. There's no good reason educational costs shouldn't have decreased in comparison to inflation with the rise of technology.
Many other things darken the assessment of people of various ages, depending on their focus. One of the most oppressive for the Left and those who believe Leftists and their messengers is the dire pronouncements of climate change as an existential threat. A constant assertion that climate change is behind various present ills and is on course to destroy the habitability of Earth in the near future is, by itself, enough to cause someone to decide things are terrible now. The dire predictions are hype, though, intended to get people on board with enlarging government, higher taxes (including hidden ones), printing and borrowing more money, and losses in liberty. Innovation, if allowed, will continue to address real environmental concerns.
And that takes me to other people who think things are terrible now: those who value limited government. Many of them see the government is getting ever larger and more intrusive.
Some religious moralists see the de-stigmatization of casual sex and cohabitation, LGBTQ+ political and cultural activism advancements, plummeting marriage rates, the ubiquity of porn, the increased legalization of recreational drugs and gambling as signs everything is falling part, while on the flip side others fret about "Christian nationalism" and the fact that someone might have to travel to another state to legally obtain an elective abortion or get their child a castration.
Some people worry endlessly about who is President or could possibly become President enough that they waste their life doing it.
And there are the people who, looking at the things above and other examples, fear that society has fractured into conflicting extremes, none of which are an appealing association.
Identity politics teaches people to think of themselves or their neighbors as perpetual victims of oppressive systems and that they are surrounded by people who actively hate them and want them dead. That can be very discouraging.
But "everything is terrible now" requires a lack of perspective.
Yes, there are real problems. Yes, there are setbacks sometimes. But overall, life is much better than it was 80, 100, 200, 500 or more years ago. People, whether male or female (or even if they think they're something else), whatever their skin color and whichever adult to whom they're attracted, have far more opportunities and a far higher standard of living than their ancestors did.
Your news source and your activist organizations thrive on bad news, alarmism, and scare tactics. Big business, which advertises, wants you to think your life is terrible but will get better if only you buy enough of their goods and services, and how much is enough is always "just a little more."
You're better off keeping some perspective. This is just one site that might help you with that.
Wednesday, December 27, 2023
Documenting Prager's Lack of Panic About Adult Media
Dennis Prager has correctly noted many panics that are pushed by the Left. I haven't heard him note that "porn panic" is primarily driven from the Right (with some piling on by misandrists on the Left). I listen to his radio show via podcast, but don't have time to watch hardly any of his Fireside Chats or the podcast he does with a very young woman. So, it is entirely possible I've missed him mention porn panic and it's push from the Right.
His Prager University has made a deal with The Daily Wire. The Daily Wire has show hosts/columnists who buy into, and perpetuate, porn panic. Indeed, Candace Owens is or has been a Prager University personality, but she buys into porn panic. For that reason, I'm documenting here some of what Dennis Prager has publicly proclaimed as far as male sexual nature and erotica, in case anything starts disappearing. To Dennis Prager's credit, as of this posting, he hasn't backed down despite negative reactions over the years from a core audience of his: conservative churchgoing women and the men who are trying so score points with them.
On March 2, 2015, Prager University posted a video hosted by Dennis Prager with the title "He Wants You." Here's the transcript they provided:
Sunday, December 24, 2023
Stop! Don't Propose! Don't Marry!
Guys, if you're thinking about proposing as a holiday surprise or just because you think it is a romantic time of year to propose, DON'T DO IT. If you are thinking about getting married, like many people do on New Year's Eve, DON'T DO IT!!! Don't propose on Christmas Eve or Christmas. Don't propose or marry on December 31. Don't do either on Valentine's Day. DO NOT DO IT!!!
Odds are, proposing is/was a mistake. This is a statistical fact.
Consider:
1) 33-40% of first marriages end in divorce. It is well over 50% for second marriages (70% if stepchildren are involved).
2) Enough of the other marriages are problematic enough of the time that literally, between divorce and "bad" marriages (including marriages that effectively end but don't legally divorce, or in which one spouse dies or is killed by the other before divorce could take place) most marriages are a mistake.
3) On top of that, add in the engagements that don't make it to marriage that end with drama and/or bitterness.
So, statistically, proposing is a mistake, a very big mistake.
Saturday, December 23, 2023
An Example of Married Life
Me: "I don't want us to do/get X. Here are several reasons why: A,B,C, D, E."
My Wife: "YOU ALWAYS RAIN ON MY PARADE!!! I really, really want to do/get this."
Me: "I don't want to deal with it."
My Wife: "You won't have to."
[I have to deal with A, B, C, D, E, and F because of X. It costs me money, gives me stress, makes my life/my family's life worse, day in and day out, for years.]
Me: [YELLING] "THIS IS WHAT I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T WANT!!!"
My Wife: "Thank you for yelling." [Proceeds to be in a crappy mood for days or weeks, takes it out on the kids, gets passive-aggressive, acts/gets snarky/snide like a bratty teenager. This distresses our mentally ill kid (or, the one we already know is mentally ill).]
Repeat.
*****
You unmarried guys, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
Thursday, December 21, 2023
Should You Legally Remarry Your Ex?
Men should almost certainly NOT remarry their ex if they have no minor children together. If you never had children with her or they are grown, there is likely no benefit whatsoever to remarrying her.
Yes, if you're paying her alimony, it can stop that, but marrying her legally signs over your earnings to her, anyway!
If she's the one pushing to get back together, you should tell her you'll only consider it after she pays you back for attorney fees, and after she does that, tell her you won't remarry unless she signs a customized prenup.
If you're the one who filed for divorce, why would you want to go back to her? There are two basic possibilities, other than to stop alimony:
1) You've changed. If you've changed for the better, good for you. But legally marrying, and that includes remarrying, is a terrible deal for most men.
2) She's changed. She might have appeared to change. So what? Even if she has changed, you don't need to be married to her. Marriage is about transferring your power and wealth to her.
If she was the one who filed for divorce (and odds are, she was), why would you want to surrender your freedom to go back for more abuse? If she was the one who filed for divorce, and is the one asking to remarry, what that means is that she realized she can't attract a man richer or better than you. That's her problem, not yours. You can get women hotter than her.
She cost your a lot of money, time, pain, and aggravation. Will ending the alimony payments be enough repayment for the troubles and legal bills you had to pay? There's a saying: "Divorce costs men a lot of money, because it is worth it." And if you're not paying alimony, there is likely NO reason to legally remarry.
I know a guy who did this. His wife literally tricked him into signing divorce papers. She ran off with a guy in a band. That lasted about five minutes. She came back to this guy. And he took her back!!!
IF YOU HAVE MINOR CHILDREN TOGETHER, there is some benefit for the children to being cooperative and in the same residence, or at least in that residence when the children are home and awake (assuming she's not abusive to them and this would be putting the children back with her when they otherwise wouldn't be).
Have her pay any legal feels needed to stop child support collection. Still avoid legally remarrying, if you can. A legal cohabitation agreement is a must if you're going to share a residence, but if you're going to legally marry, get a prenup.
Wednesday, December 20, 2023
Holidays Reminder: Men, Stay Free!
Christmas and New Year's Eve/Day are almost here.
Men, don't do foolish things.
Don't marry.
Don't get engaged.
Don't buy expensive gifts for a woman you consider a date, romantic, or sexual interest.
Don't pay for her to travel, or go to events/parties, or for an expensive hotel room for her.
Don't spend time with a date's friends or family or have her spend time around yours.
Stay free. Enjoy your freedom.
Wednesday, December 13, 2023
What Happened Next Door
If you'd told me when I was twelve years old that multiple women who'd appeared in Playboy magazine were going to live in the Playboy mansion, appear in the magazine multiple more times, and be in a "reality" cable television show with Hugh Hefner, I would have known that those women, who were several decades younger than him, were going to expected to be his girlfriends and have sex with him even though he was old and not in the best shape and not committing to any of them, and they would be expected to participate in parties whether that seemed like fun or more work, and that what they were going to get out of this deal was fame, money, access, networking, and visits to Disneyland and wherever else. He's an older man, not in the best shape, and yet these women were going to have to show him a good time.
I would have known that at twelve.
My siblings would have known.
What thinking person over the age of sixteen wouldn't have known this?
But once Hefner was dead, and thus no longer useful, he was cast as a villain by some of the people who used to praise him and cling to him.
Nope. Not buying it.
If you weren't saying this was bad behavior at the time, but rather were profiting off of it, you don't get to bash him now and get any sympathy or points from me at all. Those women knew exactly what they were signing up for. The same goes for anyone going to an adult party at the mansion. Of course staff, such as cooks, cleaners, etc. shouldn't be targeted for harassment, but it was the Playboy mansion; home to a man who built the magazine and brand from the ground up. Nudity and shenanigans should have been expected.
Monday, December 11, 2023
Some People Don't Want Men Reading the Truth
Some of the comments left here and, more often, some of the tweets sent my way on Twitter say things like "I feel sorry for your wife" and "Does your wife know what you're saying?"
There are people who have a vested interest in attempting to shut down people who do what I do: warn men about what they're really dealing with and giving men possible techniques to avoid being abused or disadvantaged.
They don't want men knowing these things. They don't want men to read the truth. They want men mindlessly continuing the cycle.
There are few places where men can get the truth when it comes to these topics. Many husbands don't feel at liberty to tell unmarried men the truth about marriage. Sometimes you can read between the lines. But blunt truth? That's rare.
As for my wife, she has a husband who pays all of her bills and handles all of the paperwork, has given her the life she always wanted, does almost all of the household chores including the cooking, runs almost all the errands, listens to her whenever she wants to talk, has almost never said "no" to her, is eager to enthusiastically do anything she wants when it comes to romance and sex, never asks that we watch anything different from her choice on the shared televisions in the home, and has ensured she will be financially taken care of whether she stays or go, whether I live or die. I have literally saved her life and have never touched her in anger. I don't splurge on myself, I don't do drugs or smoke, I don't get drunk. I give her words of affection and affirmation every day. I get her the gifts she wants. I probably get along better with her parents/siblings than she does. She has candidly told others she has a great marriage. Her life is probably better than the lives of the women who criticize me.
But yes, I come here and tell the truth: Most men shouldn't marry. Most men don't even need an exclusive girlfriend. Marriage is a bad deal for most men. Most men can get everything they truly want out of life without ever marrying. Marrying is the biggest mistake I've made.
Monday, December 04, 2023
Stay Strong, Unmarried Men
For all of you men who are not currently married, this is one of those times of the year family and certain cultural elements push you to marry.
One way is trying to make it seem like everybody gets married, that marriage should be your goal, and that only losers don’t marry.
Jewelry companies run ads promoting the ridiculous notion that engagement rings make perfect holiday gifts. There are legal reasons why that’s a terrible idea.
Don’t fall for the trap.
If you’re engaged, don’t let the manipulations during this time of year push you into signing a terrible state contract (marrying).
Nor should you make any large purchases for, or with a woman. Want to buy something for your mother? Go ahead. But not a fiancée, not a girlfriend, or any other woman you’ve been seeing.
Don’t propose. Don’t co-sign a lease or mortgage or anything. Don’t move in with a woman or let her move in with you.
Stay free.
Follow the tags for this post, like “Free Men” and “Marriage Strike” and “Running Game” to be reminded why you should stay free and how to make the most of this time of year.
As always, feel free to comment.
Saturday, December 02, 2023
Don't Let the Holidays Lead to Less Freedom, Guys
But wherever you are, if you're somewhere Hanukah, Christmas, or January 1 are celebrated, you need to implement or continue your holiday game plan.
There are two main considerations for you:
1) Dealing with family and "friends" who will be asking you (or pestering you) about your status as a free man. You now how it goes. "When are you going to get married?" Questions like that.
2) Avoiding spending those special days with a woman who wants to take away your status as Free Man, or will be expecting you to spend a lot of time, money, and effort on her.
Don't do something foolish and start thinking there is "the one" to whom you should hand over your freedom. Don't be so ignorant, delusional, or masochistic that you're thinking you want to be exclusive with a woman.
Friday, December 01, 2023
Does This Deter Teen Girls From Fornicating?
Dr. Laura, who has an awesome program and does a lot of good, has been consistent in recent decades about what she tells teen girls and what she tells their parents to tell them about sex.
I think it was the second hour of the program from Monday, September 9, 2019 that she got a call from a mother who'd heard from her sister that her (the caller's) daughter had sex with her boyfriend of about six months and that the daughter was planning to tell her. [This entry has been bumped up.]
Dr. Laura told the caller/mother to tell her daughter:
1) He's told all his buddies
2) Other boys are going to want to get into her also
3) There's nothing special, sublime, or sacred about what they did
4) Animals do the same thing
5) There's no love or commitment attached to it
6) Now you have a reputation
7) Boys talk about it
8) The next time you date you're going to want to do it again because the bar is down and it's less meaningful
9) By the time you marry you'll probably have a pregnancy or STD.
Do these messages deter teen girls today from having sex? I have my doubts.