I have very serious disagreements with Tom Leykis, as I have detailed on this blog before. However, I often enjoyed his "Tom Leykis" talk show and he was a skilled talk show host.
This coming Monday, his contract obligations fulfilled, Leykis returns to performing his signature show, albeit over the Internet rather than terrestrial broadcast/legacy radio. He will have much more freedom and control. April 2 at 3pm Pacific Daylight Time, he's back.
If you have a penis, this show is designed for you. If you are a woman who wants to know how and what many men really think, you should especially listen to his "Leykis 101" which initially runs on Thursdays.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Mom and Dad on a Date Night
My wife and I haven't been getting regular date nights. The last date night we had was months ago. She mentioned that we should go on one. I agree.
Here are the ways we've previously had date nights:
1. Dropping off the kids with my wife's sister and brother-in-law for a few hours.
This is temporarily becoming less of an option, and is going to get worse before it gets better. Maybe it will be a good possibilty again later this year.
2. We go to vist my family and they watch the kids.
When traffic is good, we live about 45-60 minutes from my family... Because my wife insisted on living close to her family.... Most of whom we can't have babysitting the kids.
And what will we talk about on date nights?
Well, have you ever noticed that some people with minor children only seem to talk about their children?
Do you know why?
Because that is all they are doing with their life... raising the children.
I'm either going to be talking about work, the kids, or something on talk radio. My wife is either going to be talking about the kids, couponing, or some way she is accumulating points to covert into gift cards or free stuff we need.
There's nothing new to talk with each other about. We see each other every day. We're not off on adventures apart from each other that we need to fill each other in on.
When we were dating, we were getting to know each other and plan things, so there was that to talk about. And we could talk about the adventures we were having together.
We know each other now, and we're not going on any adventures.
Oh, sure, there are thoughts and interests I don't talk about with my wife. I'm not going to start, either, because it would only cause trouble. I'm not just talking about sexual stuff, but Dennis Prager, who does a weekly apolitical "Male/Female Hour" on this radio show that he calls "the most honest discussion" on terrestrial radio about male-female issues. One recent hour was "Husbands: Do you hide part of your sexual nature from your wife?" Prager urges husbands to be honest and open about their sexual nature, and for wives to accept normal male sexuality, even if they don't fully understand it. This brings true intimacy.
Prager tells the story of how he and a male friend used to exercise together, and how they'd watch the women and point them out to each other and make comments to each other. Prager mentioned something about watching the women at the venue to this man's wife, and she replied, in all seriousness, as though it was just Prager doing that because she "knew" her husband didn't look at other women. Prager said he still has an indentation on his shin where his buddy kicked him under the table as a sign not to correct his wife. According to Dennis, after that, he vowed to himself not to marry a woman with whom he couldn't be honest about his sexual nature.
Sure, ther are some wives - some of them called in during that hour - who will be OK and will even figure out which other women in view will catch their husband's eyes and calmly share the moment with him. "Wow, look at her. She has the kind of hairstyle you like, too." They aren't bothered because they know it is natural on his part and that it doesn't mean he loves or desires her (his wife) any less.
From what I can tell, the women who are prepared to handle something like that are definitely in the minority. Most women aren't prepared to have a husband who is honest about his natural tendency to look at women with this figure or that figure, that kind of walk or this kind of walk, this kind of clothing or that kind of clothing, nor many of his fantasies about what he wants to do with his wife.
If a husband is truly honest and open, the odds are against it paying off.
It might pay off, and he and his wife will be closer as a result and have more fun together as a result.
It is more likely to upset his wife, and perhaps it may do so in a way that will always be there... if even just under the surface, ready to boil over, and sometimes doing just that. It could be more ammunition in fights, and may even be the last straw, setting the man on the course to be shamed before friends and family and the religious congregation, divorced, and visiting his children.
My wife and her sisters are the jealous, territorial type, no doubt because of their father's philandering and their mother's reaction.
So... we'll need to have a date night soon... somehow. And I'd better make a list of subjects to file away in my head so that I don't get accused of withdrawing.
Here are the ways we've previously had date nights:
1. Dropping off the kids with my wife's sister and brother-in-law for a few hours.
This is temporarily becoming less of an option, and is going to get worse before it gets better. Maybe it will be a good possibilty again later this year.
2. We go to vist my family and they watch the kids.
When traffic is good, we live about 45-60 minutes from my family... Because my wife insisted on living close to her family.... Most of whom we can't have babysitting the kids.
And what will we talk about on date nights?
Well, have you ever noticed that some people with minor children only seem to talk about their children?
Do you know why?
Because that is all they are doing with their life... raising the children.
I'm either going to be talking about work, the kids, or something on talk radio. My wife is either going to be talking about the kids, couponing, or some way she is accumulating points to covert into gift cards or free stuff we need.
There's nothing new to talk with each other about. We see each other every day. We're not off on adventures apart from each other that we need to fill each other in on.
When we were dating, we were getting to know each other and plan things, so there was that to talk about. And we could talk about the adventures we were having together.
We know each other now, and we're not going on any adventures.
Oh, sure, there are thoughts and interests I don't talk about with my wife. I'm not going to start, either, because it would only cause trouble. I'm not just talking about sexual stuff, but Dennis Prager, who does a weekly apolitical "Male/Female Hour" on this radio show that he calls "the most honest discussion" on terrestrial radio about male-female issues. One recent hour was "Husbands: Do you hide part of your sexual nature from your wife?" Prager urges husbands to be honest and open about their sexual nature, and for wives to accept normal male sexuality, even if they don't fully understand it. This brings true intimacy.
Prager tells the story of how he and a male friend used to exercise together, and how they'd watch the women and point them out to each other and make comments to each other. Prager mentioned something about watching the women at the venue to this man's wife, and she replied, in all seriousness, as though it was just Prager doing that because she "knew" her husband didn't look at other women. Prager said he still has an indentation on his shin where his buddy kicked him under the table as a sign not to correct his wife. According to Dennis, after that, he vowed to himself not to marry a woman with whom he couldn't be honest about his sexual nature.
Sure, ther are some wives - some of them called in during that hour - who will be OK and will even figure out which other women in view will catch their husband's eyes and calmly share the moment with him. "Wow, look at her. She has the kind of hairstyle you like, too." They aren't bothered because they know it is natural on his part and that it doesn't mean he loves or desires her (his wife) any less.
From what I can tell, the women who are prepared to handle something like that are definitely in the minority. Most women aren't prepared to have a husband who is honest about his natural tendency to look at women with this figure or that figure, that kind of walk or this kind of walk, this kind of clothing or that kind of clothing, nor many of his fantasies about what he wants to do with his wife.
If a husband is truly honest and open, the odds are against it paying off.
It might pay off, and he and his wife will be closer as a result and have more fun together as a result.
It is more likely to upset his wife, and perhaps it may do so in a way that will always be there... if even just under the surface, ready to boil over, and sometimes doing just that. It could be more ammunition in fights, and may even be the last straw, setting the man on the course to be shamed before friends and family and the religious congregation, divorced, and visiting his children.
My wife and her sisters are the jealous, territorial type, no doubt because of their father's philandering and their mother's reaction.
So... we'll need to have a date night soon... somehow. And I'd better make a list of subjects to file away in my head so that I don't get accused of withdrawing.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Overall, Things Are Good
Dinner with the in-laws went well enough. My mother-in-law and father-in-law showed up sober. My father-in-law and I didn't say much, just sat. MIL caught up with the kids, and my wife cooked. We ate dinner, talked a bit about how everyone is doing as we ate, and then in-laws left.
Earlier, my wife and told me her plan of taking her mother in another room and telling her that, from now on, if she takes one drink while we are around her, we will leave (usually, this will mean leaving their house). Anyone else can drink, but not my MIL. I told my wife that was not realistic, and since we know when she's going to get out of hand, we know when to leave. The problems have been when we've been in other locations where it isn't so easy to leave quickly without being rude to innocent people.
And then I learned a lesson I should have already learned:
Do not question. There's no point being anything but enthusiastically supportive of my wife's plans and decisions pertaining to her mother's drinking. Because I doubted the effectiveness and motivation of her plan, my wife got angry enough to once again liken my fornicating long before I knew she existed to her mother's drinking.
I have made this connection on this blog before. In my wife's mind, my not being a virgin when we married (very few men are, at that age), is all tied in to her father's adultery and her mother's drinking.
Warning: Gripe Session Ahead!
Earlier, my wife and told me her plan of taking her mother in another room and telling her that, from now on, if she takes one drink while we are around her, we will leave (usually, this will mean leaving their house). Anyone else can drink, but not my MIL. I told my wife that was not realistic, and since we know when she's going to get out of hand, we know when to leave. The problems have been when we've been in other locations where it isn't so easy to leave quickly without being rude to innocent people.
And then I learned a lesson I should have already learned:
Do not question. There's no point being anything but enthusiastically supportive of my wife's plans and decisions pertaining to her mother's drinking. Because I doubted the effectiveness and motivation of her plan, my wife got angry enough to once again liken my fornicating long before I knew she existed to her mother's drinking.
I have made this connection on this blog before. In my wife's mind, my not being a virgin when we married (very few men are, at that age), is all tied in to her father's adultery and her mother's drinking.
Warning: Gripe Session Ahead!
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?
One of the stresses on the family for this entire calendar year so far has been the distance between my wife and her parents, which is especially irritating since perhaps the most important factor in why we live where we do rather than closer to my family and most of my work is because we are close in proximity to her parents.
More or less every week or two since we married, my wife and I have visited her parents. Her mother loves to have everyone over and to cook for everyone. Every birthday needed to be celebrated there, and if that meant celebrating a birthday twice, then so be it.
Once we had kids, I appreciated having my in-laws (mostly brothers and sisters) take the kids off of my hands for a while.
We continued to go the in-laws' even after the disastrous trip last year. But then, just after Christmas, my wife and the kids joined the rest of her family at the home of a family friend for party. I wasn't there; I was working. I was not avoiding the party, I was expected to work.
My mother-in-law planted herself in a spot and stayed there as my father-in-law continued to supply her with drink after drink, meaning my MIL was not much company. If this had been at their home, my wife would have packed up the kids and returned home. But because they were at someone else's house per that family's invitation, my wife and the kids stayed there.
That meant they got to see grandma, nearly passed out drunk, being dragged to the car by a strong son-in-law.
My father-in-law, in between posting picture after picture on Facebook (always of sexy, scantily-clad 20-something females), supposedly to get his photography business off the ground, "explained" to us that my MIL was not drunk, just tired for working herself so hard. He stopped short of trying to sell us a bridge, however.
The result is that none of us have seen the in-laws at all this year. My wife stopped taking their calls, and they stopped calling. The kids have been asking when we're going to go there again. My wife responds with "I don't know."
I appreciate my wife's desire to protect our kids. We have always agreed that our kids will never be left alone with her parents. I have questioned her reaction to this latest episode, reasoning that we can keep sticking to our plan: calling one of her siblings to see if MIL is drinking before we go there, and leaving if we see things going the wrong way. Her mother has distinct stages of inebriation, so we always have warning. Still, I'd rather her err on the side of protecting our kids than wanting to please her parents.
We currently have plans for her parents to come visit us in our home, as the air needs to be cleared somewhat before a pending family event that my wife does not want to miss.
This is one of those things I wish I had understood better and thought about more befoe committing to this marriage, and certainly before agreeing to buy the house that we did.
More or less every week or two since we married, my wife and I have visited her parents. Her mother loves to have everyone over and to cook for everyone. Every birthday needed to be celebrated there, and if that meant celebrating a birthday twice, then so be it.
Once we had kids, I appreciated having my in-laws (mostly brothers and sisters) take the kids off of my hands for a while.
We continued to go the in-laws' even after the disastrous trip last year. But then, just after Christmas, my wife and the kids joined the rest of her family at the home of a family friend for party. I wasn't there; I was working. I was not avoiding the party, I was expected to work.
My mother-in-law planted herself in a spot and stayed there as my father-in-law continued to supply her with drink after drink, meaning my MIL was not much company. If this had been at their home, my wife would have packed up the kids and returned home. But because they were at someone else's house per that family's invitation, my wife and the kids stayed there.
That meant they got to see grandma, nearly passed out drunk, being dragged to the car by a strong son-in-law.
My father-in-law, in between posting picture after picture on Facebook (always of sexy, scantily-clad 20-something females), supposedly to get his photography business off the ground, "explained" to us that my MIL was not drunk, just tired for working herself so hard. He stopped short of trying to sell us a bridge, however.
The result is that none of us have seen the in-laws at all this year. My wife stopped taking their calls, and they stopped calling. The kids have been asking when we're going to go there again. My wife responds with "I don't know."
I appreciate my wife's desire to protect our kids. We have always agreed that our kids will never be left alone with her parents. I have questioned her reaction to this latest episode, reasoning that we can keep sticking to our plan: calling one of her siblings to see if MIL is drinking before we go there, and leaving if we see things going the wrong way. Her mother has distinct stages of inebriation, so we always have warning. Still, I'd rather her err on the side of protecting our kids than wanting to please her parents.
We currently have plans for her parents to come visit us in our home, as the air needs to be cleared somewhat before a pending family event that my wife does not want to miss.
This is one of those things I wish I had understood better and thought about more befoe committing to this marriage, and certainly before agreeing to buy the house that we did.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Give Your Breath Away
Dr. Laura linked to this article, "5 Reasons to Make Some Noise in the Bedroom", in her daily list of recommended articles. I wonder if she noticed or cared that the author is an "open marriage" advocate, or if she figures "all truth is God’s truth" and questionable sources can still provide worthwhile reading? The author says what I've referred to as "aural sex" can be a matter of health.
Breathing deeply can increase pleasure. It can also keep the fun from ending too soon. Use your breath to regulate the speed of what’s going on. Speed it up to help get you in the mood, and slow it down to prolong the activities.It's good to use everything we can, right?
It means your partner knows that you are enjoying it.YES! That’s very important for me to know, anyway.
It keeps you in the moment. If you spend all of your time in bed thinking about keeping quiet so you don't sound "weird,” you’ll miss all of the fun. But, if instead of worrying about how noisy you are, you simply let the sounds fall where, when, and how they may, you can stay present and enjoy all of the presents your partner is gifting you.We know from other areas of life that thinking about breathing and being deliberate about breathing can impact our physical and mental state.
It shows intimacy. If you can tell your partner what you want in bed, it means you feel close enough to him or her to be comfortable doing that.I need to work on that. See below.
It means you’re comfortable with your sexuality. Letting it all out is only possible when you feel good about yourself and what you're doing, which is how everyone should feel when it comes to sex.Here's where I get personal...
Sunday, March 04, 2012
I Am Not Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Someone found my blog by searching for...
...and then left a couple of comments after my post listing many of the people Dr. Laura Schlessinger has pissed off. I did not publish both comments because one of them contained profanity. To be fair to "Trisha", I will repost both comments here, in their (almost) entirety:
And...
I am clearly not Dr. Laura. I do not have a Doctorate. I've never identified as Jewish. I'm a follower of Christ. I have a penis and testicles (I 'm not absolutely certain, but it is reasonable to presume Dr. Laura doesn't), I do not have a radio show, and I have more than one child. I have also disagreed with Dr. Laura about some things (mostly minor things and her bias against technology). So clearly, I'm not her. She has her own blog and fancy website and would have no reason to write this blog.
Trisha... bitter, fat, foulmouthed, paranoid, and condemning children to fatherless lives is no way to go through life, and it must suck for the child(ren) to have only one parent, and one who is in such a state.
Having been fat myself, Dr. Laura is right. Fat people, in general, are fat because they eat too much and move too little. There's nothing wrong with that she says about that.
As far as adoption... there are adoptive parents who are good parents. Women can avoid being single mothers by using the many forms of contraception available, or even better, saving sex (or at least intercourse) for a good, compatible man who is willing and able to be a husband and father (choose wisely). Marrying such a man and treating him well (treat kindly) may still result in a woman being a widowed mother. However, Dr. Laura makes a distinction between "widowed, divorced, never married". In the event a woman finds herself without a good husband and pregnant, then yes, there's adoption.
Lashing out at Dr. Laura doesn't change the fact that people have made some poor choices in their lives, and if other people learn not to make those same poor choices, we'll all be better off.
Dr. Laura fat people
...and then left a couple of comments after my post listing many of the people Dr. Laura Schlessinger has pissed off. I did not publish both comments because one of them contained profanity. To be fair to "Trisha", I will repost both comments here, in their (almost) entirety:
This was obviously written by Dr. Laura herself because I find it VERY hard to believe that anyone could be as c--t-like as her...specially when I read the parts defending her talking trash about fat people and single mothers who decide to take responsibility by raising their children, instead of pushing them off on people who could potentially molest, beat them or end up being a drug addict in which case the child/ren would be much worse off than being with some dreadful...single mom (gasp)!
And...
And by the way, Dr. Laura, I know this won't end up on this blog but I just wanted you to read what a piece of trash I and many think you are.
I am clearly not Dr. Laura. I do not have a Doctorate. I've never identified as Jewish. I'm a follower of Christ. I have a penis and testicles (I 'm not absolutely certain, but it is reasonable to presume Dr. Laura doesn't), I do not have a radio show, and I have more than one child. I have also disagreed with Dr. Laura about some things (mostly minor things and her bias against technology). So clearly, I'm not her. She has her own blog and fancy website and would have no reason to write this blog.
Trisha... bitter, fat, foulmouthed, paranoid, and condemning children to fatherless lives is no way to go through life, and it must suck for the child(ren) to have only one parent, and one who is in such a state.
Having been fat myself, Dr. Laura is right. Fat people, in general, are fat because they eat too much and move too little. There's nothing wrong with that she says about that.
As far as adoption... there are adoptive parents who are good parents. Women can avoid being single mothers by using the many forms of contraception available, or even better, saving sex (or at least intercourse) for a good, compatible man who is willing and able to be a husband and father (choose wisely). Marrying such a man and treating him well (treat kindly) may still result in a woman being a widowed mother. However, Dr. Laura makes a distinction between "widowed, divorced, never married". In the event a woman finds herself without a good husband and pregnant, then yes, there's adoption.
Lashing out at Dr. Laura doesn't change the fact that people have made some poor choices in their lives, and if other people learn not to make those same poor choices, we'll all be better off.
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