Saturday, April 14, 2018

You Don't Need a Wife

Guys, you don't need a wife.

You might think you do for any number or combination of reasons (you can skip these reasons and go down to how you can have a great life without a wife if you'd like):

1) You're stuck in some mindset that's based on a bygone (if it ever really existed) era. In this mindset, "everyone" gets married, it's shameful or sad if you don't, and husband and wife work as a team with a tidy division of labor, with the wife providing her husband with admiration, respect, support, sex, children, and a "made" home, and the husband providing for the wife income and certain domestic labor, protection, and muscle in raising the children.* You grow old together. Very few marriages are like this anymore. Most women are not prepared to be that kind of wife, and guys don't need to marry to get what they want. The culture in general has changed, more and more people are living more and more of their life outside of marriage, and there's a good chance she'll divorce you no matter what you do.

2) You were socialized to think you did. Whether it was and is your parents, your peers, a religious organization in which you were raised, or the media (especially with the highly unrealistic romcoms), you were told by others that you're supposed to have a wife. But this is your decision to make,  and you are the one who will live with the consequences.

3) You don't have your act together and you think a wife will make up for your shortcomings. Even if she seems to like taking care of things for you now, there's hardly any woman who really, sincerely, wants to be your Mommy and the resentment and backlash will wreak havoc sometime after you sign on that dotted line. You can get your act together and take care of your stuff without being married. See How To Do It below.

4) A woman you're having sex with wants you to marry her. Whether she's your "girlfriend" or "significant other" or "partner" or whatever, she indicates she wants to get married. Of course she does! Getting married has guaranteed benefits for her. But it's a bad deal for you. Don't let her decide what your life is going to be like. If you're just seeing her, the only thing she controls is whether or not she's going to have sex with you. If she moves in, she controls much more of your life, and if you marry her, she'll be almost entirely in control of your life. DO NOT LET HER MOVE IN, not even by stealth. Once she does, she'll be hinting, suggesting, or outright nagging about getting married, trying to tell you that you might as well get married, or getting married will make things netter. She shouldn't even know where your place is, but if you have her over she should never be allowed to spend the night, receive mail or shipments there, leave things there, etc.

5) A woman you're spending a lot of time with wants you to marry her. See immediately above. You can find friendship and companionship with others, without signing a legal contract that is nothing but trouble for you.

6) You think you need a wife for sex. You can get all the sex you want without being married. Being married actually makes it less likely you'll get all of the sex you want. UNLESS... you live by a moral code that sex is for marriage. And if that's the case, you're not having sex already, right? Right? If you want to START living by that moral code, any woman you're having sex with now isn't the right woman to do that with. If you already are living by that code, think long and hard if wanting sex is worth getting married, keeping in mind that the sex could be bad and could be ended entirely, even if you do "everything" right.

7) You think you need a wife for children. Studies do correlate positive indicators for children with being raised by married parents. As with sex, though, you need to decide if your desire to raise children under the best circumstances for them is worth getting married.

When it comes right down to it, most men can't give a logical,  positive reason why they think they should get married.
So don't do it. Stay unmarried.

How To Do It

You can have a full, happy, functional life without a wife, so you don't need one.

In short, you can do everything that needs to be done yourself - it has never been easier - or you can hire professionals to handle some or all of the things a wife would. Professionals are likely to do a better job of it than a wife anyway, and especially if you earn above a certain level, you can hire professionals to handle everything a wife would for less than what you have to pay a wife. And make no mistake about it, breadwinning husbands do pay wives. Legally, at least half of your income belongs to her. Functionally, she'll control and spend most of the money. And this is if you stay married. If you were to get divorced (and you can't stop her from filing for divorce, mind you) you'll go through having a judge split up anything obtained during the marriage or brought into the marriage in any way, pay for her legal team as well as your own, alimony, child support, etc.

These things below will be the way YOU want them to be, and are much easier/less expensive to handle with it just being you rather than you, a wife, kids, and possibly the wife's loser siblings, overbearing parents, moocher friends, etc. You won't be wasting money on stuff you don't like.

Women complain all the time about having to do some of these things. Save them from the drudgery by not marrying them and not letting them move in! There is so much  information online and there are books.

Cooking. Depending on how simple your tastes are, you might need to do much actual cooking at all. The least expensive way (if you're not counting your own labor) is to bring home food from a supermarket or warehouse store you can eat raw or with heating in a toaster or oven, or you prepare yourself. There are endless resources online, including video classes on cooking, and you can also find free or very inexpensive cooking classes at a community center or community college. You can learn how to prepare and cook anything you might want, and the least expensive way to get the items or ingredients. Supermarkets and warehouse stores, which are generally the least expensive places to get food you don't grow yourself (plenty of gardening info online, too), also offer more and more prepared meals. There are also a variety of services that do everything from send you the ingredients and instructions for meals, send you prepared meals, or send you a cook to prepare your meals. It's very easy to prepare enough food for several meals at once, and save the extra servings as leftovers. So, if you'd like, you could cook on a day off and make your meals for the week. My wife doesn't make my breakfast, doesn't prepare my lunch, and rarely prepares dinner, and even when she does, I'm the one who serves it.

Cleaning and Housekeeping. Cleaning is EASY, especially when it is just you. Decorating is easy and will be to your liking. You can also set up your own security system so that you know if anything at all is going on at your place when you're not home. You can do all of these things yourself or hire an individual or a service to handle them. My wife does almost no cleaning at all. It is done by me, my wife's sibling, and the sibling's spouse, who are living with us for free.

Laundry. This is much easier, especially for one person, than is depicted in commercials and sitcoms, which usually involve kids who play sports. As with everything else, you can find information online if you need it. Having your own washer and  dryer would make things easy, but there's no doubt a laundromat near you as well. Also, there are professional cleaners and there are services that will come to your home and take care of your laundry. My wife almost never does the laundry anymore. Again, I do some and our "guests" do the rest.

Shopping. Again, this is usually so much easier when you're doing it for one person, and you won't be buying all sorts of superfluous stuff or things she wants but you'll never use. And as far as birthday, milestone, and holiday gifts for your friends and family, simply paying attention to them will clue you in to what they need or might enjoy. These days, you can even do all of your shopping online, from your phone if you'd like. Even your grocery shopping can be done online. And again, you can hire an individual or service to shop for you. My wife does some of the shopping.

Mail/Bills/Budgeting/Banking/Finances. Not to be redundant, but this has never been easier thanks to online communications and software, and you can hire someone to handle these things, too. Bills can be paid automatically. I handle all of this, and we have a lot of paperwork and bills stemming from my wife's physical and mental illnesses.

Socialization. Traditionally, wives have been responsible for most of the socialization, which is why husbands often found (and still find) themselves hanging out with a guy he doesn't really connect with while their wives cluck away for hours. You can handle arranging for any socialization you want.

1) Make a point of getting together with your friends. For most of us, this seems to happen organically. But if you find that you need to, put reminders into your calendar to contact your friends to do something immediately or plan something.

2) Unless you can't stand them, make a point of regularly seeing your family members. They will usually prompt you anyway. This is very much like point 1 above.

You will be able to see your friends and family, if you want to, more being unencumbered by a wife, because if she gets into a fight with your sister or mother or doesn't like one of your buddies, she'll keep you from seeing them. It is possible that your friends will get married and then their wives won't want them hanging out with a happy unmarried guy such as yourself, and that's sad. But you can reconnect when she dumps him and takes his money and kids from him. Don't be too much of a pain when you say to him, "I told you so."

3) If your siblings have kids (and you don't hate kids or hate your sibling's kids in particular), you can be the cool, fun uncle, getting all the perks of having kids around (they can be very entertaining) only when you want to, with almost none of burdens parents have. Unless your siblings are ingrates, they will be so happy for your babysitting that they'll feed you and maybe do your laundry.

4) If you want, have some guys over or do all-out parties. It's work to throw parties, but it isn't that complicated. Or again, you can hire someone to do it.

5) Consider being old-school and keeping some actual, physical (instead of just electronic) cards, stationary, and envelopes on a desk so that you can write to people and send them cards as thanks or for various occasions. Place whatever incoming mail that's relevant there so you can remember to respond to it. I handle these things, for the most part, though I usually let my wife determine if and when we'll see her family. My wife trending is towards becoming more of a recluse physically and emotionally.

Scheduling. This is tied into socialization, but goes beyond that. There are countless programs/apps that help with this. You don't need a woman to nag you to go to your appointments. Make your appointments and keep them. See your doctors. Get tests that can detect problems, sometimes before they actually become a problem. And yes, there services with live people who do this, too.

Sex. Ah, now we're really getting the main issue for some of you. If you're actually living by the moral code that sex is for marriage, then yes, you're going to need a wife if you're going to have sex. However, you really should think long and hard about whether or not it is actually worth it,  understanding that she may cut you off, or she can get sick or injured and you won't have sex with her. Also, don't legally marry without an iron-clad prenup and try to avoid getting legally married at all. She can still be your wife even if you never register a marriage with the state. Since even many people who have a moral qualms about fornication don't have moral qualms about masturbation, consider that there are already an array of advanced masturbation aids and it is likely they'll soon get to the point you can have experiences almost indistinguishable to your senses from sex. If you definitely want sex but don't have a moral reservation when it comes to unmarried sex, well, you'll get more and better sex by following some or most of Leykis 101. And there are places where honest prostitution is legal. My wife has sex with me about once every three weeks, and it is usually a mercy session.

Children. You don't need a wife to raise children. I don't recommend it, but if you earn enough money, it can be cheaper to hire people to do all of the things listed above and essentially buy an egg and rent a womb (surrogate parenting) and hire nannies and thereby get and raise a child to whom you'll be the sole legal parent, meaning no fickle or irrational woman can take them away from you and ding you for child support. I do believe it is best for a child to have a mother and father, but how many kids started off with that and then had it torn apart by a breakup or divorce? Also, the statistics do show a correlation between kids being raised by married parents and many positive indicators. I strongly suspect it really doesn't matter if the parents actually have a piece of paper from the state; rather, the parents acting like they are married, in the traditional sense, is how the kids benefit. As with sex, think long and hard about whether you really do want to raise children, and if it would be worth it to endure dealing with the problems and risks of dealing with a woman. My wife gave me children, but is unwilling/unable to do a lot of the things "traditional" mothers usually do, especially since she probably passed along mental illness to at least one of them.

Let's Review

If you don't want children, you really don't need a wife. If you have your act together, you can take care of all of your responsibilities and have a great life without a wife. If you don't have your act together, a woman might find it endearing and help you at first, but you'll lose whatever control of your life you had if you legally marry, and chances are, she's going to resent you anyway, feeling like you're an overgrown child she has to pick up after. There are so many tools and services that can help you get your act together and manage your life if you really can't to it by yourself. And you can switch tools or fire one service and go with another, and unlike with a wife, you won't have a crazy ex to deal with and you won't have to keep paying long after it ended; you don't lose over half of your stuff.

And in addition to making things better for you, avoiding taking on a wife will make things better for women. Haven't you noticed how miserable husbands make wives? Wives constantly complain about their husbands, complain how they have to do more chores and errands because of their husbands, etc. Women are far more likely to file for divorce. And they have plenty of complaints about their exes. DON'T DO THAT TO A WOMAN. Save her from the hassles and drudgery and annoyances by NOT marrying her, and NOT moving in together.

*The "traditional" model is...

That a wife would:
1) Prepare Meals and food that aren't BBQ
2) "Make" the home and keep it clean and orderly
3) Do the laundry
4) Do the routine shopping and most gift shopping
5) Arrange and schedule social involvements
6) Tend to her husband's sexual and emotional needs
7) Play the hostess (if the family would have company)
8) Look after the children, make sure they get to school and get back from school, etc.
9) Knit, garden, can food, or otherwise extend the family dollar

The husband would:
1) Earn the income
2) Protect the family
3) Keep the car in good condition
4) Negotiate major purchases
5) Keep the lawn mowed
6) Do household repairs and troubleshooting
7) BBQ and perhaps hunt and fish
8) Tend to his wife's emotional and sexual needs
9) Discipline the children

This has been rejected as patriarchal, sexist, outdated, old-fashioned, blah blah blah. Men and women are supposed to be equal, identical, and interchangeable now. Well, if we are, why do you need a second you, especially one that doesn't always agree with you and costs you money? One that earns less and isn't as big and strong as you? It's better just to retain control over your own life, and interact with others only when and how it is mutually beneficial.


  1. My goodness oh my goodness when I first read your tweet I thought you were joking about mgtow. But now I see you are dead serious about it to the point of advising other men not to have a romantic partner. Please do the humanity a favor. Go seek a therapist. Nothing wrong with having a wife. You just have a very distorted view of the reality. Don't ever teach your kids this vomit that you're putting on this blog. They will suffer from your indoctrination.
    Go see a fucking therapist. When I called you a deranged twat I was dead right. Fix yourself. Just because you have a bad wife does not mean all women are evil and gold diggers and what you call them.

    Please. Delete this blog. You are brainwashing other normal sane men into hating women instead of loving them.
    My God you really are a deranged twat. Honestly.

    1. Your tweets are full of spam.

      I ***AM*** in therapy. And so are my children. My wife rarely goes in for therapy, even though she needs it the most and the reason why the rest of us need it is mostly HER.

      And of COURSE not all women are gold diggers. Some aren't attractive enough to be. And not all women are bad wives. After all, not everyone who plays the lottery loses.

      If you want to address what I wrote in this entry and where I'm wrong, please do so. The fact is, men do not need a wife, as I detailed. If I'm in error somewhere, show me.

      The brainwashing is in telling boys they should pay a woman's way through life, that they SHOULD or WILL get "married" when they grow up, that they aren't really grown up if they don't. Real marriage hardly exists anymore. Telling boys to live with some irrational, entitled female and sign a terrible legal contract with her is mistreating those boys.

    2. Anonymous6:57 AM

      He's absolutely right. Why are women so mad, and bent out of shape for pointing out the obvious here. Marriage is a raw deal for men. As far as I can see, men are so unhappy that they end up resorting to all kinds of vices to numb the pain from making a huge mistake. I hate the nagging, and overall drama that comes along with dating a woman who feels that she is entitled to make decisions for a man. I hate that shit. I'd rather stay single than deal with the bullshit that comes from dating someone, and never mind marrying a person who controls my future by initiating a divorce that leaves me broken.

  2. Anonymous6:53 AM

    Where have you been all my life?

    Seriously, this is awesome. :)

    ~Woman with 20+ yrs working in the field of relationships & sexual health.

    1. Thanks! I'm on Twitter @TunaSafeDolphin

  3. Anonymous12:17 PM

    Why do you keep writing this blog?

    Women don’t need husbands either.

    We. Get. it. You’re miserable! It’s never going to get any better for you.

    I’ve read your reasons for not divorcing.
    Get over it. You’re young enough to restart your life. You’ll be better off financially and emotionally in the long run. She’ll find someone else. The kids will survive with at least one parent with a healthy mindset.
    Please Ken, it’s time to end this.


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