Why Men Date Single Mothers

Inspired by this comment, I'm going to explain why some men date single mothers. For some men, more than one of these reasons will apply. These are in no particular order.

1) It never entered his mind that there are alternatives. He's taking what he thinks he can get or what has been offered to him. He doesn't realize that with a little game, he could find women who are childfree, and how much better for him that would be. He could even be desperate. Maybe he thinks that, if he has kids, he should date women with kids, but having his own kids should be all the more reason to NOT date a woman who also has kids. Meanwhile, the fact is, there have never been so many young, hot, childfree women. Women are waiting until later to have children, if they have them at all.

2) It's what he knows. He was raised by a single mother, and this is what he knows. He might even be trying to fix what he saw was wrong with his own childhood. He's going to be a better man, in his mind, than his biological father was, or the other men his mother dated.

3) He's playing Captain Saveahoe. He wants to feel like a rescuer, like a hero, like somebody needed him, so he's "saving" a woman in distress.

4) He's looking for a mother. He actually identifies with her children. He figures she's already used to taking care of dependents, and he wants her to take care of him.

5) He wants kids, and he doesn't have viable sperm or doesn't want to further his own genes. Rather than adopt, he's going with a ready-made family.

6) He has a cuckold fetish. He gets off on raising the biological children of other men.

7) He's a predator. He's hoping to (continue to) "have sex with" (abuse) at least one of her kids, with or without her. Think about pedophiles. If they have an option of a woman with kids or a woman without kids, guess who they're more likely to choose?

It's important to keep in mind that television shows and movies are FICTIONAL. You may have watched shows and movies in which a guy dates and even marries a single mother and everything turns out great. Yeah, that's extremely rare. Literally. The vast majority of times, things will NOT be great. 70% of marriages in which there are prior children divorce, and that's just divorce. It doesn't even count the terrible marriages which never legally divorce.

Dating a single mother is usually going to be trouble; it will almost certainly be extra work for less reward. Marrying one is even worse than marrying a woman who doesn't have kids yet.

There ARE alternatives, guys! Let me say it again: There have never been so many young, hot, childfree women. Women are waiting until later to have children, if they have them at all. Get a vasectomy and date younger women.

You can find childfree women even if you're not rich, even if you're older, even if you're out of shape or not attractive, and even if you have children of your own. All you need to do is run some game.

You are NOT obligated to date or be with a woman with kids. In fact, the way I (and people like Dr. Laura) figure it, you're morally obligated to AVOID dating single mothers.

If you're dating or with a woman with one of more children, here's how to get out.

You can leave comments below, but this is also a good place to comment.

Keeping Boundaries as a Free Man

Don't Date Women With Minor Children

The most popular entry on this blog, and it's not even close, is this entry warning men against dating single mothers.

It gets a lot of traffic and has received hundreds of comments (including from widowed mothers, who really need to read THIS.)

As is to be expected, a lot of angry comments came from single mothers. Others admitted what I wrote was true, even if they didn't like it. Nobody, though, demonstrated what I wrote to be false. That's because it is reality, like it or not.

I want to revisit the issue. Guys: If you're going to bother dating (or seeing for personal reasons) women, don't date women with minor children or dependent adult children or grown children living at home. They could be divorced women, widowed women, women who never bothered to marry. And if they're married or in a relationship, no matter what they say about that relationship, it's not good to go there. So don't mess with mothers of minor or somehow dependent children. And if you're with one and don't have a kid with her, get out!

Maybe you think that eliminates too many women, but it really doesn't, especially if you're sticking to women in their twenties, which you can do no matter how old you are, if you play your cards right. Also, there are more and more women older than that who are childfree. "Fertility" rates are down.

Would You Get on That Airplane?

Dr. Laura often gets calls from people who have a minor child and these parents are engaged, in a relationship, dating, etc., or considering it. Dr. Laura will tell them that marriages in which there's a stepchild (that's what their child would be to their spouse) have a 70 percent divorce rate, and that the rest of the marriages aren't all happy ones. She says this to discourage them from bringing more chaos and conflict into their child's life; to tell them that their minor children shouldn't even know they are dating. Indeed, if they've married or shacked up, whatever the child is doing that the parent doesn't like will be attributed to this fact, even if children in intact homes do the same thing.

Concerned for the child(ren), she drives the point home by asking "Would you go on an airplane if it had a 70 percent chance of having a terrible crash?"

Of course the answer is no.

But what's the divorce rate for first marriages without stepchildren?

What's a Single Mother To Do?

Anonymous left a comment on this blog's most popular entry, which has hundreds of comments, so I wanted to call attention to hers.

I had my son with my now ex fiancé.

There was the first mistake. Conceiving before being in a stable, healthy, happy marriage.

We ended up breaking things off because he completely lied about who he was and it became a toxic environment.

Well, at least you didn't make more kids with him.

now I am a single mother who is currently picking up the pieces and doing what I can to give my son the best life possible regarding the circumstances.

It would be great if that included living with, or very close to, your nice, loving, married parents.

Despite how things ended, his father is still actively involved and we even hangout as a family periodically. 

If he's not abusive, I guess that's better than nothing.

My question is...if I choose not to get back with his father because of the boundaries that have been crossed..now what? Don’t date until ny son is 18 years old? Date a guy who is also a single father? Forever be alone? 

Good question.

1) Get your tubes "tied". Tubal ligation. Or, depending on your health history and your family health history, consider getting your ovaries and/or uterus removed. We don't need more children brought into this situation. Your son certainly doesn't need it.

2) Be there for your son. He needs parental attention. He doesn't have an intact home.

3) When your son is with his father, or grandparents, or aunts/uncles, you can date. Your son should never meet your new lover(s) until your son is 18, grown, moving out on his own. Even though people like me warn men to never date women with minor children, you can find plenty of dates anyway.

4) After your son is grown and out, you can date, be in relationships, shack up, marry, whatever. If you DO shack up or marry, be sure you get a prenup (marry) or cohabitation agreement (shackup) so that your son will be protected.

If you don't find this ideal, well, that's because your situation is not ideal. My advice is for your son's best interests out of the remaining possibilities.

Comment Here on Dating (or not) Women With Minor Children

There are so many comments that have been left on my blog's most popular entry that I'm encouraging people to comment here instead, so your comment doesn't get lost in the shuffle. The topic: I discourage men (and women, for that matter) from dating women with minor children. You might disagree with me. Maybe you have stories to tell. This is the place!

I urge people not to add chaos to their child's life. Don't date single mothers, or mothers of minor or dependent children!

And before you ask again, here is something I wrote to a widowed mother.

Disagree? Agree? Do you have success stories? Horror stories? Comment below! BUT PLEASE DO NOT USE PROFANITY (CUSS WORDS) in your comment or I probably won't publish it. This is acceptable: "That's bull****!" Writing out the word in full is not acceptable. No F word. No C word. No S word. No D word. You get the idea.

Exiting a Relationship With a Single Mother or a Childless Shack Up

Introduction

So you've either been woken out of your stupor or the slow-building discontent has finally become too intense, and you're ready to get out of your relationship with a single mother or a childless shack up. Being with a single mother* or living with a woman brings all sorts of complications and risks. So depending on how deep you're in, there are going to be different considerations.

Men who are NOT in such relationships should read this, too, to be informed about just how much trouble being in, and getting out of, such relationships can be, so they'll be motivated to avoid them.

How deep are you in?

If you married this woman (which would mean she's not a single mother anymore) and made a baby or babies with her, that's the worst of all scenarios, especially if you have adopted her children. Unless she is abusing you or the kids, the the best thing for the children is usually to stay put and be polite and as pleasant as possible until the youngest child is 18. The problem with that, is, in some places, like the state I live in, being married for ten years or "close enough" means you'll be paying lifetime alimony to her. The bulk of this entry is addressed to guys who haven't married the woman and haven't legally adopted her children.

You need an exit plan for your own self-preservation. If she or anyone else accuses you of not being a "real man" or that you're somehow lesser because you don't want to put up with mistreatment or someone else's responsibilities any more, just let it roll off your back. Who cares what they say? This is what they're saying, when you get right down to it. "You should spend your time, money, and energy doing things for me/her so I/she can spend  more of my/her own time, money, and energy on my/herself." She might cite things she does for you, and even if she does do those things, it doesn't matter. You're not obligated to stay with her, and you can either get by without those things or get them for a lot less money, time, and effort, or with someone who is more compatible with you and brings fewer negatives to the situation. You may have some emotional discomfort over the breakup, but that would fall entirely in the realm of normal, because the relationship became familiar to you and part of your routine. The discomfort will go away and it is better in the long run to be out of that relationship.

Mothers Day is THIS SUNDAY May 12

Don't forget the mothers in your life, unless they've torn up their mother card.

Don't forget people like your stepmother, if you're trying to keep peace with her/your dad and she expects to be celebrated by you, even if she tore up her mother card.

And those of you who are foolish enough to be in a relationship with a woman who is a mother, you'd better do something for her, unless you want a fight.

Don't expect much reciprocation in June if you're a father or have taken on the role of a father.

Mark of the Day

Here's the fool, sucker, or mark of the day. In the September 22, 2022 Dear Abby column, RANKING LOW IN NORTH CAROLINA wrote:

My wife died two years ago. I met a woman shortly afterward.

Guys married for a long time who are widowed often make the mistake of quickly jumping into another marriage, not realizing that it is possible to thrive while free and if they had a good wife in their prior marriage, that's a rare thing.

We dated for a year, shared the same hobbies and were very intimate. We were inseparable.

Ah yes, that's what she wanted you to think.

Now, after a year of marriage, we don't do anything together, and she has put on 30 pounds.

That's bad enough, but it gets worse. So much worse.

Her three girls, who I was led to believe were independent at ages 20, 22 and 24, are actually supported in part by her.

NOPE NOPE NOPE! This is why FULL disclosure and customized prenups are  MUST if you're going to be foolish enough to legally marry.

Her 15-year-old son lives with us and just stays in his room playing on his computer. He gets food delivered and does no chores.

NEVER be with a woman who has minor children!!!

I make $250k a year. She works and earns about $50k, and I give her an allowance to help pay for her son's private school and whatever else she wants.

SUCKER!!! With that salary, he could have attracted childfree, younger, hotter women!

It's obvious that I'm not No. 1 in her life.

You won't be number one with any mother.

Since she just returned from a girls weekend (that I funded), I may not even be No. 2.

You're the walking ATM. She probably doesn't even like you.

My friends say I should run, that she's a gold digger who took advantage of me.

Your friends are right. Life doesn't have to be this way.

Dear Abby's answer included:

If you have any desire to save this marriage, tell your wife you are unhappy and offer her the option of counseling.

WRONG! There's no point to counseling. Consult an attorney NOW. If the place is your place, you're at risk of losing it. A good family law attorney can help you get out of this marriage with as little damage as possible. The laws are set up to SCREW YOU OVER. Every day that goes by without a separation or a divorce filed puts you further down a hole. What we have here is another woman who pretended as long as it took to get a sucker to sign on the dotted line (which wasn't long) and then she figured she had his balls and would live off of him, ignoring his needs. So there's no point to trying to make it work. We know what kind of woman she is.

Get free and STAY FREE. If you need female companionship, run game. Or, at least refuse to pay their way through life, and never let them move in with you.

Is He A Masochist?

Today's Dear Abby was a doozy. SCARED OF COURT IN CALIFORNIA wrote:

DEAR ABBY: I went through something that caused me a tremendous amount of pain and most of my wealth. I am still making monthly payments because of this, and will likely have to do so for the rest of my life. Also, about once a year, I go through a lot of additional expense and pain because of this thing I went through.

In addition to this, I am now paying for all the expenses of another able-bodied adult. This other person wants me to legally sign over half of my earnings to them. They also want me to do something that has over a 70-percent chance of resulting in a repeat of that original traumatic event.

What should I do?

OK, that's not the actual letter, but it might as well have been. See for yourself:

Don't Be This Guy

This was painful to read. Today's Dear Abby has a letter from "TOO MUCH, TOO SOON":

My 25-year-old son has been dating a girl for two or three months. She seems very nice.

Your son doesn't really know her. Neither do you.

She has two children and is pregnant with her third child. She's due in three months. The child is not my son's.

What are the odds there are three different "fathers"?

I was told by some friends of my son that he's planning to sign the birth certificate as the father. He understands the implications.

No, he really doesn't. He's signing up for what could be 26 years of supporting some other guy's kid, and possibly almost as much and as long for the other kids, too. 

How do I convince him that, although he feels like he and this girl will be together for the long haul, this is a poor decision to make, especially because of the short length of time they have been dating?

So many questions.

Especially Noteworthy Comments

I'm calling attention to three recent comments. The first agrees with me, but I didn't publish it in-place because it has "profanities" that I want to keep off of the blog. Yeah, I know it seems silly to a lot of people, but I'm convinced that more people will find the blog if I keep profanities off it. There are two disagreeing comments I will also include before even though I did publish them in their original place.

The first one was anonymous, left after this entry about how getting married was the biggest mistake in my life. 

F---in A, wish I thought to google this s--- before I lost my mind. You are 100% correct.

Before marriage = a complete regard for the fact that this can end anytime, therefore, regular upkeep and involvement with the day to day bulls--- while tending each others needs.

After marriage = a staggering shift in staying sexually satisfied. Can't be bothered to help upkeep the house or be bothered by anything other than what is directly an interest to her.

I become a walking ATM and start to be told how crappy of a husband I am. Even though I literally put a roof over our heads, take care of all the finances and house work. After Kids = sex is non-existent but, I better jump when she says how high because of the kid. Constantly reminded of what a dead beat dad I am, while finishing my college degree and upkeeping everything else in the mean time.

Moral of the story, marriage is a way for woman to s--- on men and not contribute jack to the relationship. Is she a good mom? Yes, she is an outstanding mom and I will never deny that. But I have been a far better husband than she has ever been a wife.

And now I don't want to divorce because I came from a single parent household and do not want do not want my daughter to grow up without a father like I did. Worse mistake of my life by far. Not saying it couldn't work, but I'd be 100% willing to bet that even if we had a kid, I would be happier had I never proposed. In my experience, most men just want the love of a good woman, and most women are willing to manipulate men to get whatever they want, and then shit on them as soon as they are no longer happy with him.

So sorry, man. 

DO NOT MARRY, GUYS!!!

Don't Be This Guy or His Brother

My most popular post on not dating single mothers continues to get a lot of views and comments. This one here (reposted below) is a doozy. Since that entry has so many comments, I recommend leaving your comment on the topic of dating (or not dating) women with minor children here, where it is more likely to be seen. 

I wish both my brother & I would have come up on this article sooner. My brother: Age 48 and has a 2 year old with a divorced mother of a pre-teen. Nothing but drama in that house; arguing over how to discipline the pre-teen to dealing with the bio dad and I'm not even going to reveal that he pays the $3500.00 mortgage on a house that is in her name and he has no claim in.

Oh no. Don't be that guy!

As for me: Age 47 and I'm in a relationship with a divorced mother of 2 pre teens and it sucks. No say what about the BS the kids cause and then dealing with the ex who is a felon. Always being disrespected and cleaning up around the house after them. Not to mention the boat loads of money that I have shelled out for trips and presents for these bastard rats all the while not getting so much as a thank you in return. It has now become the norm that I am no longer the man of the house, rather just a silent castrated financial source that they feel they can withdrawal funds from at any given time they wish to buy the latest stupid expensive thing trending on Tik Tok or FB or the internet; like social welfare, to be taken advantage of and to be abused with no accountability. Man O' man, I could go on for days and days about the crap that goes on here but from reading the previous posts, I think you got a clear picture of the crap that I have to deal with.

Yes! There are so many comments with horror stories from other guys.

As of last month, I'm planned on dumping soon and her nest of rats: I managed to stash away a few dollars and planned my escape, soon to an undisclosed location in another city about 35 miles away. I, at least, am able to escape and reclaim my dignity and reinsert my social status as a man once again in this twisted and deranged society that rewards reckless behavior and enables, better yet encourages the lower class to continue to have these parasitic children and at the same time promoting the view that these women are strong, brave and independent entities that have value and a wealth of knowledge to bring to the table.

Good luck! Keep us updated.

Don't believe me: Just look at all the state welfare programs out there that reward these type of people. Now as for my bother, well let's just say that he's not so lucky; going to have to take one for the team and we'll have to cut our losses. I'll remember him as the fun loving guy that he was once was and not that pansi mangina that waved the white flag and surrendered at the first sign of the enemy.

So, so sad. DON'T DATE WOMEN WITH MINOR OR DEPENDENT CHILDREN, guys! And do not marry, impregnate, live with, co-sign for anything with, or agree to exclusivity with ANY woman. 

Keep your independence. Learn to walk away, learn to say "NO!" Let HER walk away rather than giving up your autonomy or money.

Still Waiting

Another comment was left by another Anonymous woman who didn't bother to address what I actually wrote in this blog's most popular entry, but instead tried (and failed) to shame men for actually caring about their own well being.

Since she left it as a response to another comment, I will look at that comment first.

Here's the original comment.

I'm a man, engaged to the mother of my two children.

Why? Clearly you can have kids without being married. Why bother marrying? What we've been told over the last 25 years in our courts and culture is that marriage isn't about children. So there must be some other reason you're engaged to her. (And that she's the mother of YOUR children, and presumably not another man's, that colors your comment.)

And even in this situation, the children always take priority. You (the significant other) won't always be the priority; and that's fine. We a still love eachother and we're to be married September in 2016.

I wonder how they're doing now? For the kids' sake, I hope well.

I think most of this article is trash. Not wanting to be with a woman because she doesn't have a pre-pregnancy body is incredibly shallow, and speaks poorly to your character.

It's a good thing women aren't shallow, like, say, not dating men who aren't taller than them, or preferring men with fatter wallets. The body issues were a small part of the list. There were many more reasons given, some that should be deal breakers by themselves. Nobody should kid themselves, though. If a man isn't turned on by a woman, it is unlikely their marriage will be a good, lasting, happy one.

If you're really worried about the possibility of a divorce, and the woman getting half of everything you have? Sign a pre-nup.

Judges throw out prenups all of the time. Men should avoid signing a marriage contract or any contract with a woman, especially a single mother.

Angry Mom Checks In

Another comment (that didn't actually demonstrate where I was wrong) was left on this blog's most popular entry, which has received hundreds of comments.

I'm assuming this comment was directed at me and not someone else who'd left a comment. This is what SaEatonmomof3 had to say:

You are the most self centered, must be narcissist that I have ever read crap like this from.

Remember guys, if you won't want to ruin your life via someone else's children, you're a narcissist!

The Reason Your Child Is Misbehaving

As I've said on this blog over and over again, I love Dr. Laura and her media and mostly agree with her.

One of the areas where I have some questions about how she handles callers is when someone calls with concerns about the behavior of their minor child, and Dr. Laura starts off with questions to determine (as she often does with other concerns) whether or not the child is being raised in a married, intact home with their mother and father. If the caller was never married to the child's other parent, or is divorced, and especially if they are the stepparent or have a new spouse/partner, or the kid is in daycare, THAT is where the call stops, in the sense that Dr. Laura asserts THAT is the reason the child is acting out.

Really? She's not even going to bother to let the caller add that the kid was once run over by a bus, or was once kidnapped and beaten, or was hurt from medical malpractice?

It especially puts me on edge when the problem behavior described in the child is something like what my children are doing. My kids are being raised in a married, intact home by their biological parents. So clearly other things aside from divorce/never married/stepparent/daycare can prompt these behaviors, right?

Isn't it possible... possible... that whatever is causing the behavior in my children is also causing the behavior in the caller's child?

Now, I have to wonder if, in these cases, Dr. Laura feels the truth is less important than what she sees as the more important thing, which is eliminating or limiting the involvement of the new partner or spouse, or getting the kid out of daycare, or whatever, and communicating to the audience that kids need to be raised within their parents' marriage, by a parent. If that is her agenda, and the caller does what Dr. Laura recommends and the child still has the problem behavior, that will at least make the child better off. It just doesn't make anything easier for the parent or eliminate the problem behavior.

Stop Adding Chaos To Your Child's Life

I've listed many reasons why most people should avoid having children, getting married, or even being in a relationship at all.

I know full well most people will still do these things.

If someone doesn't want children, they should ensure they won't. Men who don't want children should get vasectomies and women should get tubal ligation or have their ovaries and/or uterus removed, whatever is best for them given their health considerations.

But if someone is going to have children, they have a moral obligation to set up the best situation they can to raise those children, who have no choice in the matter except to go along with what their parents set up.

That means:

1) Finding a suitable person of the opposite sex. [1]
2) Marrying them. [2]
3) Treating that person well. [3]
4) Building a stable, suitable life for raising children. [4]
5) Then having children.

Unfortunately, there are plenty of people who do #5 before (or without ever doing) the others, even before #1. And there are also people who, because they didn't really do #1 or #3, they end up divorced or widowed or separated (physically even if not legally). So there are many children now living in what we call a broken home, meaning mom and dad are not living together, raising their child together.

Dr. Laura (and maybe others?) insists that parents of minor children should not remarry until their youngest child is grown and certainly not make more babies. She goes further and says that the existing minor children should not even be exposed to a parent's new lover. So many people think this stance is bizarre. It just sounds so radical to them because parents of minor children getting into new relationships is so common these days.

But I agree with her.

Response to a Widowed Mother

The most visited entry on this blog, by a mile, is about why men shouldn't date single mothers. It has garnered hundreds of comments. One came in today from Anonymous that prompted me to respond:

You really broke my heart, I'm new to the dating scene. My husband passed away for years ago I'm in my young forties and I have three little girls that I love dearly. My husband died of no fault of my own and I'm widowed. It looks like I have no hope to ever find someone to love me because I have 3 kids even though they have their own checks that come with them until they're 18 men don't know that unless I tell them. If what you say is really What Men really think then I have no hope. My heart is so broken your article is so sad

Anonymous, I'm so sorry that that happened to you. You have my sympathies. I can't imagine what you've endured.

As I wrote in the entry on dating single mothers, it's a little different for your situation (being widowed through no fault of your own).

The "good" news for you is that there are PLENTY of men who don't think these things through and will take on a woman with kids, even though people like me would urge him not to.

But there's a lot of bad news and potentially bad news, including that the pickings are slim for a woman in her 40s even if she is child-free.

While your situation is different from a never-married or divorced mom, there are still enormous risks for a man. And there are problems for you, too. Here are some of the problems you're still facing:

1) Marriages in which there are stepchildren (which your children would be to him) have a 70% divorce rate, and the other 30% aren't all happy.

2) That's just marriages. Most relationships do not even get to that point. Do your kids really need the drama of a new man coming into their life, and then the breakup and him going back out of their life? And you being upset about it?

3) What if he has kids? If you're looking for a serious, lasting relationship, most men in the age range you should be dating are going to have kids; some are even going to have grandkids. That makes it even more complicated and chaotic. Let's say he has minor kids. And he marries you. So now his kids get to come VISIT him raising YOUR kids. How do you think that makes those kids feel? And do you think your kids will want to deal with these interlopers?

4) Kids whose parents do not bring around a new lover into their kids' life have a much lower risk of being abused than kids who are exposed to their parent's new lover(s). In other words, it appears that bringing your new lovers around your kids makes it more likely they will be abused. Imagine for a second the mind of a pedophile. I know, it's an icky thought. But do you think a pedophile is more likely to choose a woman who has kids (and their father isn't around!) or a woman who has no kids? So, you're a target. Scary thought, but it's sadly true.

Seems to me the best thing to do is: 1) Make sure you're done having kids, either through tubal ligation or hysterectomy or whatever. 2) Until your kids are grown, date when your kids are with their grandparents or aunts or uncles or friends, so your kids never have to meet your new lover(s) while they are still minors.

And, if you do things that way, the good news is that you can expand the age range of men you'll date. So, for example, if you want to try being with a younger man, go for it! You can find a lot of them willing to date a mother in her 40s because a lot of the their age are too busy with older men to date them.

I hope I've given you some perspective.

Another Example: Don’t Date Women With Minor Children

Not long after I posted my last entry on Dr. Laura, I heard something on her show that made me cringe. On Wednesday, April 17, during the third hour, she got a call from someone going by "Devon", age 42. He got married in October, which I know a lot of men would say was enough of a mistake in the first place. He;s been with the woman for five years.  He states that he loves her three children (12, 11, and 6) as his own. THREE CHILDREN for whom another man is supposed to be paying (that other man walked out on the family), but Devon has been covering the bills for them. He never should have dated this woman in the first place, but they had a child together born four years ago. WHAT A MESS!

He goes on to tell Dr. Laura he bought a house in Florida, a different state, a month before getting married. He'd had a house in Michigan, but he got another electrical engineering job in Florida, hence the new house.

Please note that Florida has no-fault divorce. Also, under Florida law, any property that was acquired before the spouses married or that was received as a gift or inheritance is not considered marital property. The house was acquired before the marriage. Dr. Laura has repeatedly noted that inheritances are separate. Does she stick the the law when it comes to what is brought into the marriage? Let's see...

Florida divorce laws require an "equitable distribution" of the marital property. That really means "whatever a judge decides". Let's see… a woman with four kids vs a man… hmmmm. I wonder who a judge is likely to favor?

Back to the call.

McCarthyism: Don't Date Single Moms

She was hot in Playboy, I have to give her that. But she a woman with a minor kid, and commentators as diverse as Tom Leykis and Dr. Laura Schlessinger agree that dating a woman with a minor child is a bad idea. McCarthy has provided a good example why. Suzy Byrne reports:


"It's a trap!" A booby trap!

(Christopher Polk/Getty Images for NBCUniversal)

Jim Carrey has fired back at Jenny McCarthy, who said on "The Howard Stern Show" Monday that her ex-boyfriend basically turned his back on her autistic 10-year-old son Evan after their five-year relationship came to an end in 2010.

Carrey did not adopt the child, correct? Granted, he did make the mistake of dating a woman with a minor child and thus bonding with the child, but the child has a father.

"I will always do what I believe is in the best interest of Evan's well being," the actor said in a statement. "It's unfortunate that Evan's privacy is not being considered. I love Evan very much and will miss him always."

That was so good I suspect it was written by a publicist. Give that person a raise.

McCarthy, 39, revealed that Carrey, 50, chooses to no longer see Evan and it's been very difficult for her son to not have the "Dumb and Dumber" star in his life.


Some of the comments after the article are right-on. I realize it is the nature of Stern's show to get people to talk trash about their exes and say things about their personal life that they shouldn't, but McCarthy has a habit of using her son in her attention whoring. Some celebrities successfully protect their children - she uses her child for publicity and to strike out at an ex-lover. Carrey shouldn't have gotten involved with her in the first place, but she also made a mistake in having her son bond with her boyfriend. Most romantic relationships don't last, and the odds are even more bleak when the two adults who have chaotic pasts and big egos, and are in different stages of their lives. She should have known she was setting her son up for heartbreak. (She's dating an athlete now... the cycle repeats.)

Finally, I have to wonder how many medical professionals have been professionally hurt, and how many children have gotten severely ill because of her hyping of BS information about vaccines? She's one celeb who should be... singled out.

The Brady Bunch Was Fiction

I can't believe I never thought about this before. I've thought plenty about how simply dating a single/divorced/widowed mother to minor children can obligate a man to shell out money for her kids, but I hadn't thought about the position that parents are put in when their adult children date parents of minor children. FAIR-MINDED IN WEST VIRGINIA wrote in to Dear Abby:

Our daughter is divorced with two children.

So sad to hear it.

She has been dating a man who has three children.

Even more sad to hear that. Her kids don’t need that. Neither do his kids. And he doesn’t need to obligate himself financially to your daughter and grandchildren.

Recently, they decided to move in together.

Shacking up is a horrible idea. What a terrible example for the children. It also increases the likelihood of abuse.

All the children are first grade or younger.

That mostly makes it worse. The only upside is that since they are being thrown together pre-puberty, it is less likely they will be having sex with each other.

So what's the letter writer's concern? The chaos? The bad example? The negative correlations? No! It's...

What would be the proper way to handle birthdays?

If my daughter and her boyfriend were married, or even engaged, I wouldn't have a problem sending gifts to his children. But since my husband and I hardly know this man (we live in another state and have met him only once or twice), we're not sure how to handle this.

Do not acknowledge his birthday at all. But his kids have no control over this. I'd say you should send them all gifts, but the chances are, this mess isn't going to last very long, and then the kids may still expect gifts. The kids are a little young to appreciate it, but you could make savings deposits for your grandchildren, and send the cards to your daughter with the instruction that she present them to your grandchildren when the other kids aren't present.

What's the proper thing?

The proper thing was for your daughter to not shack up in the first place.

Dear Abby responded:

Your daughter and grandchildren have formed a household with her boyfriend and his kids. If you're compassionate people, you will treat all of the children equally for as long as the relationship lasts.

So, if her daughter were to get a roommate, wouldn't that mean they "formed a household" and they should send gifts to the roommate's kids? It isn't like they all get together every week.

If they decide to marry, which is a possibility, you will wind up being grandparents to all of them.

If. Blended families rarely work anything like the Brady Bunch. And they aren't even family, because it is a shack-up situation.

What a mess. Don't do this to your parents. If you're not going to wait for the kids to be grown, then at least get married and thereby make the other people family.