Are you an unmarried guy who just spent a lot of money and effort on Valentine's Day, only to get what you used to get all of the time? Or did you get less than that?
Did you even propose marriage and give her a ring?
If you're not married, and you just made a big deal about Valentine's Day, and especially if you proposed marriage, you need to step back and think about what you've done and you are doing. Are you regretful? Are you doubting? Are you asking yourself "Why did I do that?" If not, you probably should be.
Most men shouldn't be in exclusive relationships, and certainly not marriage!
Most unmarried men, if they play their cards right, can get everything they want without spending a lot of money and energy on Valentine's Day, birthdays, holidays, or anniversaries.
If there is a woman who is planning to marry you this June, or any other time this year, you probably need to put the breaks on the relationship, especially if there are any red flags. If you're shacking up and/or if she has kids, plan your escape!
You don't need to be married. And there's a good chance that, deep down, you don't really want to be.
So, get out. And learn to be scarce so that you won't get trapped into wasting money, effort, and time on things like Valentine's Day or meeting a woman's family or friends for holidays.
A look at the world from a sometimes sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek, decidedly American male perspective. Lately, this blog has been mostly about gender issues, dating, marriage, divorce, sex, and parenting via analyzing talk radio, advice columns, news stories, religion, and pop culture in general. I often challenge common platitudes, arguments. and subcultural elements perpetuated by fellow Evangelicals, social conservatives. Read at your own risk.
Tuesday, February 18, 2020
Tuesday, February 11, 2020
Pay Attention, Free Men
All of you "single" men, you guys who aren't married, aren't engaged, aren't shacking up, and aren't in an "exclusive" relationship...
Are you paying attention this week (the one with Valentine's Day)? Are you hearing/seeing all of the ads telling men they need to buy the right things for Valentine's Day? Are you watching your buddies, male relatives, male coworkers who aren't free men stress out? Are they distracted?
They know that if they don't jump through all of the hoops the right way, there's going to be Hell to pay.
Some of them might be hoping (probably a futile hope) the woman to which they're attached will do things with and for them that those women used to do all of the time, without even being asked. Or, the guys are simply hoping not to be disparaged, not to be served with divorce papers in late February.
Do you want to put yourself through that? Of course you don't. Especially because it isn't worth it. It is NOT worth it. But these guys feel like they HAVE to do these things. Don't ever make yourself one them.
These poor beaten dogs are going to crawl, grovel, shell out way too much money for goods and services they can get for much less money mere days later.
Pay attention, you free men. And let it be a reminder of why you don't want to be in that position.
Enjoy February 14. Stay home, or hang out at a buddy's place. If you MUST have female interaction, there will be women out there, and they will be easy pickings. You can find them at night, when it is "too late" to take them to an expensive dinner.
Are you paying attention this week (the one with Valentine's Day)? Are you hearing/seeing all of the ads telling men they need to buy the right things for Valentine's Day? Are you watching your buddies, male relatives, male coworkers who aren't free men stress out? Are they distracted?
They know that if they don't jump through all of the hoops the right way, there's going to be Hell to pay.
Some of them might be hoping (probably a futile hope) the woman to which they're attached will do things with and for them that those women used to do all of the time, without even being asked. Or, the guys are simply hoping not to be disparaged, not to be served with divorce papers in late February.
Do you want to put yourself through that? Of course you don't. Especially because it isn't worth it. It is NOT worth it. But these guys feel like they HAVE to do these things. Don't ever make yourself one them.
These poor beaten dogs are going to crawl, grovel, shell out way too much money for goods and services they can get for much less money mere days later.
Pay attention, you free men. And let it be a reminder of why you don't want to be in that position.
Enjoy February 14. Stay home, or hang out at a buddy's place. If you MUST have female interaction, there will be women out there, and they will be easy pickings. You can find them at night, when it is "too late" to take them to an expensive dinner.
Wednesday, February 05, 2020
February 14 Will Be Here Soon!
Guys, if you're not married, you shouldn't be with a woman right now you've been seeing for more than a couple of months.
You're supposed to be scarce to such a woman until at least February 15 (or, until her the day after her birthday, or a day she considers an anniversary with you, if one or both occur soon after).
If you have a girlfriend right now, how were the holidays? How much time, money, and effort did you spend? Did you have to endure her family? Or bring her around your family? What a mess.
If you've been a free man through the holidays, keep up the good work. But if you've got a woman who thinks of you as her boyfriend or fiancé, you need to hit the eject button or get very scarce to her before we get too close to Valentine's Day.
You're supposed to be scarce to such a woman until at least February 15 (or, until her the day after her birthday, or a day she considers an anniversary with you, if one or both occur soon after).
If you have a girlfriend right now, how were the holidays? How much time, money, and effort did you spend? Did you have to endure her family? Or bring her around your family? What a mess.
If you've been a free man through the holidays, keep up the good work. But if you've got a woman who thinks of you as her boyfriend or fiancé, you need to hit the eject button or get very scarce to her before we get too close to Valentine's Day.
Why?
1) So she doesn't get the idea that this is heading for a marital or live-in or even an exclusive situation; and
2) To avoid spending money on gifts for her, an overpriced and crowded dinner, hotel rooms, or anything else she might expect.
Be scarce. Be busy, Be "working". Don't answer her calls, texts, etc. or only respond "late" to every third or fourth one, saying you're busy. (She shouldn't know where you really live, or what you're actual phone's number is - use Google Voice or something similar.)
If she won't see you again come February 15 (or whichever day it ends up being), so be it. There are many other women, if you still want to see any.
During that time, it's fine to see women who aren't of the "commitment" or "exclusive" thinking, at least when it comes to you. or new women, and you can see a new woman who is alone and desperate on February 14, as long as you're picking her up out and about, on the fly.
Or, use that time to hang out with friends, family, catch up on hobbies, do those chores you've been putting off, etc.
You DO NOT want to be with a woman who is thinking that because you've been seeing her for a while, and you're with her on February 14, that you're going to be exclusive with her, or living with her, or heading towards marriage. You DO NOT want to have to buy her gifts, or pay her way to some party or event or overpriced dinner or hotel room. Whatever you do, do NOT get married!!! (Some people have a simple ceremony on February 14, like at a county office.)
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