Practical Advice for Men Avoiding Relationships

Hey all free men! Are you dealing with family, "friends", coworkers, and fellow congregants who insist you should "settle down" or "grow up" or "man up" or "get serious"* and find a "nice woman" and marry her? Are they doing even worse by actually trying to fix you up with someone?

If telling them you never want to get married is either not something you want to do for whatever reason, or hasn't worked, try cutting them off at the knees by insisting any woman you could be with has to fit the following profile:


[NOTE: Are there great women who don't meet the criteria below who can be fun at dinner or parties, or good coworkers, or good friends, or good neighbors, or successful? Yes, but that doesn't mean they'd make a good wife or you'd want her as a girlfriend. That's what we're talking about here. This message is for men who want to avoid marriage and relationships in general.]

1) Physically in-shape and generally healthy. This includes no substance abuse of any kind, no sexually transmitted diseases or infections, no allergies, no diabetes.
Justification: You don't want to play nurse. You need someone who takes care of herself as you are unlikely to be able to fall in love with her and to give a woman the affection she deserves if she doesn't. Men are naturally visual creatures. She needs to be able to keep up with you and all of the things you want to do. If you want to throw in the children factor, you need a woman who is healthy to carry and raise your children.
What it really does: This eliminates well over 2/3rds of American women right away. Why? 1/3rd are obese, another 1/3rd are overweight, but not obese. Remove them, and remove the ones who are underweight, and you've already disqualified a supermajority of women. You don't want a woman who gets drunk, is hooked on prescription meds, smokes, etc. If she's appeared to be in physical good shape, then I’d say her odds of having an STD are higher. More than half of all people will have an STD/STI at some point in their lifetime.

2) Mentally/emotionally/hormonally healthy. You don't want to deal with ADD, ADHD, Asperger's or any form of autism, depression, bipolar, manic depressive, narcissistic, borderline, sociopathic, PTSD, or anything that something thinks gives them an excuse to be irresponsible, moody, hostile, frigid, difficult, too much work, or cause drama – or is taking meds for any of those. Meds sometimes run out, after all, and can get expensive and have side effects.
Justification: Much like the above. Some of those are downright dangerous.
What it really does: This will eliminate perhaps most of the remaining women who pass the first criteria. 1 in 5 Americans experience a mental illness in any given year, so odds are high she's had one in the past several years.

3) Must be willing to sign an iron-clad prenup.
Justification: The laws and courts already provide a de facto prenup. It's better to have one customized to both of you, as it can protect her as well as you. The laws and courts are unfavorable to earners, especially men.
What it really does: Many women will refuse, accusing you of "planning to fail" or being materialistic. However, it is no different than buying insurance and if she doesn't want to sign one, she is saying the de facto prenup is preferable, which means she is materialistic.

4) She has no children, whether in her custody or not, whether she adopted children out or not.
Justification: Parents of minor children should be focusing on raising their children, rather than getting serious with a new honey. Grown children are still baggage that make things complicated. Children who've been adopted out can come back into her life and wreak havoc, including this.

5) She has never been married before.
Justification: Second, third, etc. marriages have an increasing likelihood of ending in divorce.

6) Free of debt (other than a reasonable mortgage), has good credit, and has been financially preparing for the future.
Justification: Debt is costly and can be a character issue. You want someone who has been fiscally responsible, especially since marriage is mostly, from a legal perspective, a matter of finances. Why should you be expected to pick up the bills for what she did before she even met you?


How many heterosexual women do you think are out there who 1) are in shape and generally healthy and free of STDs; 2) are mentally/emotionally/hormonally healthy; 3) are willing to have a customized prenup; 4) are childless; 5) have never been married, and; 6) are free of debt, saving for the future, and have good credit? Very, very few, if any.

If there are any women left who are presented as meeting that criteria, these requirements will certainly weed them out from eligibility:

7) Has not had an elective abortion.
One of the terrible things about elective abortion is that it turns the girl next door into a murderer, and quite often, the boy across the street into an accessory or the one who puts out the hit. But even if you don't have a moral objection to abortion, abortion does bring about a risk of physical and emotional problems.

8) She must be a citizen of your country or permanent legal resident.
You don't need to be the sucker she uses to immigrate. People do that all of the time, and now in the USA, even if she leaves you, you can be held financially responsible for her.

9) She's not a coworker or working in the same company, location, profession, or industry.
This is to avoid the risk of being accused of sexual harassment. Even if she won't file allegations, someone else could merely because they heard or saw you together. This is the climate women have created. It is simply too risky.

10) No criminal record.
Even if she's turned her life around, a criminal record brings problems.

11) Good driver.
Bad driving is expensive: higher insurance costs, risks of lawsuits, medical bills, car repair bills, tickets, etc. Guess who'll be expected to pay for that?

12) Her age, height, education level, and geographic location are all compatible/desirable for you.

13) She has no other red flags not covered by the above.

14) Last, but certainly not least, she should be compatible with you in your larger life goals and your religious beliefs and practices (or lack thereof).


Some of these criteria are very private matters The beauty of this is that it allows wiggle room, as it is entirely believable that a woman wouldn't tell the person who is fixing her up that she has an STD or mental illness. Maybe you haven't told the person fixing you up your honest beliefs about religion. You don't even have to say it, and it doesn't even have to be true. You just tell the person who set you up that it didn't work out, and if they demand a reason, say "She didn't meet the criteria we discussed." Or "She isn't what I need and I won't discuss it further out of respect for her privacy." Or, better yet, you can simply say that you're just not attracted to her or the chemistry wasn't there. When a woman says that, her female friend or family member might say, "So what? He can provide for you." Nobody tells a man, "So what? She can provide for you", so the lack of attraction should end the discussion.

As far as the woman they are trying to fix you up with, talking with her (in person, by phone, by text, by e-mail) is likely to take place before an actual date, right? You can determine you're not a match by that alone. But if you do end up going on a date or three, simply do not ask for another date. No explanation is needed if you've only gone out a few times. Not getting asked out again will be enough for most women, but if she actually has the desperation to ask you out or demand to know why you aren't interested in going out again, say you prefer traditional women and she has just reinforced your perception that she's not traditional.

Don't listen to "You need to lower your standards" or "You’re too picky". You can get through life just fine without a wife, and anyone who is going to be expected to sign a legal document assigning him outrageous obligations without any benefits should be extremely picky of the person with whom they are entering such a contract, because that person will have all of the power.

You might hear this attempt to lower your self-esteem: "What, and you're so special? What do you have to offer?" Well, considering they are trying to set you up, they must think you do have something to offer.

The person trying to fix you up will likely be with someone. They may envy your freedom, or think there is some obligation for every person to get married. Perhaps telling them why marriage is a bad deal for men will be taken by them as an insult. In these cases, it might work to say something like "What you have is beautiful, but is rare. We're not all so fortunate." Or they may have told you about their struggles or they might start telling you at this point, in which case you can say something like, "You are willing to struggle through all of that, but I just can't. I'm not cut out for that." Presenting it as a compliment to them will be received better than a blanket statement (no matter how true) that marriage has become a liability for men.

You can also say you don't want to ruin the life of a woman.


*Men can be good, responsible citizens, neighbors, and members of families, completely settled down, mature, and serious, without being married or attached, or being fathers. Just ask the men at a monastery.