Sacrificing Much-Needed Sleep For Lackluster Lovemaking

After two and a half weeks since our last, and decidedly bland sex session, my wife stopped filibustering.

She'd asked me to finish some necessary tasks early enough that we could have time with each other. Usually, this "promise" of hers is hollow, or at least turns out not to come to fruition. And no, I don't always wait for her to initiate. I do try to initiate and usually get shot down or put off (which usually ends up being shot down). On the flip side, I don't think there's been a single time I've put her off when she has initiated, as I don't mind her initiating and actually enjoy it because it makes me feel wanted.

So, I made sure that everything was taken care of "early enough". I shaved (even though it would screw up my shave for work) and showered - and there's never any chance she'll surprise me in the shower. I made sure she knew when I was all done.

It's funny, that I bother to shower for these sessions, really, because she barely gets near me. But I did.

Finally, with about five hours to go until I'd be waking up for another full day of work, she sent me a text that she'd be right in. She's likely finishing watching a show, which she could resume watching whenever she wants, mind you.

She finally made it in half an hour after she sent the text, meaning it was now four and a half hours of sleeping time left, if I were to go to sleep right then.

Now, it's true I could have gone to sleep the moment after I was done with the grooming and cleaning. The problem with that is that she wouldn't have woken me up, and I would have gone an additional four-to-seven days before possibly getting a chance for sex again.

The rest of this entry is a little explicit, so here's your warning.

This Bites

During a recent session with our family therapist I was attending alone, the therapist ask me for what I would want as an ideal life.

What kind of question is that? What are the rules? I mean, do the laws of physics apply? If we're going to deal with the realm of possibilities, it would be that I would be unmarried, childless, and doing work for which I have much sincere enthusiasm. I can describe specifics but I won't, for the sake of privacy. This isn't to say I don't love my kids. I do. I love them a lot. They are the best thing about being married. I enjoy them, at least when they aren't physically attacking each other or me. It is that I don't think I am being the best father I could be for them. I think they're getting a raw deal between the combination of their mother and their father. But I can't do anything now about who their mother is, or what medications she couldn't go without while she was pregnant with them. And to be a better father than I am now, I'd have to drop work, and then we'd be without the money and benefits that are so desperately needed.