My Core Advice To Men

AVOID LEGALLY MARRYING

One of the main reasons this blog still exists to urge most men to refuse to legally marry.

JUST SAY NO, GUYS!!!

Legal marriage is a terrible state contract that's a bad deal for most men, most marriages fail, and men can have happy, full, productive, honorable lives, getting everything they want out of life without ever legally marrying. It has never been easier to do so!

Furthermore, most men shouldn’t legally marry because 1) they aren’t suited to it, 2) aren’t positioned to do it, 3) aren’t living in a culture that supports it, and 4) won’t find a suitable woman with whom they could.

Being unmarried is our default state. Don't propose marriage, don't accept marriage proposals, don't sign any paperwork that could inaugurate a legal marriage. To get married, you have to do something. Why do those things if being legally married isn't worth it and is likely to be harmful to you? There simply is no good reason, for most men, to get legally married. The question isn't "Why aren't you married?" or "Why not get married?" It's "Why would I get married?" There's no good answer to that, for most men.

You can have much more time, money, freedom, and peace if you stop trying to find and keep a wife. Embrace being a free man. Enjoy your independence. Date or hook up if you want. But avoid entering that terrible state contract called marriage.

People who tell you to get legally married are selling you something hoping to benefit themselves.

Legally marrying takes power, money, autonomy, freedom, and choices away from you. That terrible state contract means you'll be inviting the state further into your personal life and you'll take on responsibilities, obligations, chores, risks, limitations, restrictions, aggravations, annoyances, irritations, nagging, arguments, compromises, and sacrifices without any guaranteed benefit for you, and what benefits you might get can all be obtained without legally marrying.
There are divorced men who'll tell you this.

There are married men who'll tell you this if they are allowed to speak honestly.

There are Free Men who want you to know that you can live well as a Free Man.

Here's what legal marriage does:

• Forces you to share your earnings; anything you buy with your earnings also belongs to her
• Obligates you to pay the lawyers who will attack you should either of you want a divorce.
  
• Obligates you to make payments to her no matter how terribly she behaves, even if she cheats on you and leaves. In some places these payments can continue for the rest of your life.
• Assigns paternity (financial responsibility) to you should she get pregnant, even if she was knocked up by cheating. If you WANT paternity, you can get it without being legally married.
• Makes her your default beneficiary (meaning, she financially benefits if you die). If you WANT her to be your beneficiary, you can do that without being legally married.
• Makes her your next of kin, so she can make medical decisions for you. Again, if you WANT her to have that power, you can arrange for that without being legally married.
• She can be placed on your insurance. That is of no benefit to you.
  

Legally marrying does not keep her around or faithful, doesn't provide you with love or honor or cherishing, doesn't provide you with sex or any affection at all, doesn't provide you with any domestic services. It provides you no benefits whatsoever that you can't otherwise get. It's basically a mechanism to move wealth and power from you to her.

You don't need to legally marry to:

• have companionship
• have dates
• have sex
• have a wedding ceremony
• commit
  
• share a residence
• share finances
• be monogamous
• have children
  

Personally, I think you should not only avoid legally marrying, but you should stay a Free Man and avoid agreeing to exclusivity, living together, having a child, paying her bills, taking her on expensive dates and vacations, buying her gifts, or sharing accounts or co-signing anything with her, as those things will bring many of the same problems as legally marrying. But even if you do any or all of those things, you should still avoid legally marrying. Ideally, a woman you want to date or have sex with shouldn't even know where you really live, where you really work, or even your real name. See each other when you want, but try to make it her place, and when you don't want to deal with each other, you don't have to! Respect a woman's strength, independence, and equality. Women don't need men! Don't burden women by living with them or marrying them. You don't need a wife to manage your home, cook, clean, or do laundry. Most women don't want to do those things anyway! You can do those things yourself or hire professionals to do them for much less than the cost of a wife. Get a vasectomy unless you're sure you want children, you can explain why and it isn't a selfish reason, and you are fully prepared to be a good father.

It's OK to NOT want to get married.

It's OK to NOT get married even if you want to get married; many things we think we want, when considered rationally and with perspective, should be avoided.

Even if you think you want to get married, you don't REALLY want to get legally married. You likely just want the fantasy of marriage. You might even want the reality of marriage, but functional or social marriage is NOT synonymous with legal marriage.

Many men far better than you have failed at marriage. Thinking you will do better is likely arrogance, ignorance, delusion, or masochistic. There ARE people who beat the odds and have a lasting, happy marriage, but again, they could have done that WITHOUT a state contract. You might think you're the exception, but you're probably not, so don't take on a state contract that is all downside for you and no upside. Join the growing MARRIAGE STRIKE and refuse to sign that terrible state contract.

Beware! Doing certain things in certain states or countries might make you legally married (or the equivalent) even if you had no intention of legally marrying and did not file a marriage license, so consult a family law attorney who is experienced where you live, or any place to which you are considering moving, about things like having a wedding a ceremony, exchanging rings, having joint accounts or purchases, living together, or referring to each other as spouses or being married. You shouldn't do any of those things anyway unless you really want to and can explain clearly why you should. If you DO want to get religiously/socially/ceremonially married, you might be able to do so without getting legally married.

 

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