Most Men Shouldn’t Marry Nor Have Children

Most men shouldn’t marry nor have children, so most boys should not be raised with the assumption that they will or should marry, and they definitely shouldn’t be raised with the assumption that they will have a lasting, happy marriage.

I realize there are religions out there that pretty much mandate people marry and try to have children. I can’t argue with every different religious organization that claims to have authority over your life. What I do know is that the Bible, taken as a whole and rightly divided, does not mandate you marry and have children. Don’t tell me contraception, tubal ligations, hysterectomies, and vasectomies are wrong because they are are unnatural, as you accept artificial medical treatments, live in a home that has been constructed, and drink water and eat food that has been processed in some way.

Most men shouldn’t marry or have children because 1) they aren’t suited to it, 2) aren’t positioned to do it, 3) aren’t living in a culture that supports it, and 4) won’t find a suitable woman with whom they could.

The most obvious question that arises when someone makes the assertion I do is “But how do we continue civilization?” The answer is: Civilization will continue. I’m in no way saying we should use force or laws or shaming to discourage people from marrying or having children. People are going to continue to have children, with or without marriage, and vice-versa. People are going to continue to marry (or do something they call marriage), and continue to have children. They’ll have children through hookups, flings, affairs, shackups, marriages, sperm donation, surrogate gestation, and on and on. Civilization, if that’s what you can call what we have today, will continue. What I’m doing is trying to reach a few people to try to persuade them. If I can help save just one man from throwing away his life and his dreams and his money, it will be worth it.

Whenever a man talks about the state of women these days, there will always be womyn who screech things like “You think men are so great?!? I’ll list for you the problems with men today...” But this makes our point for us. Womyn complain that men are jerks, toxic, predatory, immature, not being good husbands, and expect women to do “everything”. Ladies, that’s all the more reason NOT TO MARRY and NOT TO MAKE BABIES. Hey, you can “marry” each other now. Go for it!

Then there’s the “You’re just bitter!” and “How about picking better women?” and “You can avoid divorce!” Whether or not someone is bitter has nothing to do with whether or not something is true. The FACT is, most marriages are not lasting and happy. The FACT is, legally marrying doesn’t provide a breadwinning man with anything that he can’t get otherwise, and guarantees him no benefit at all while loading him down with obligations and risks. Picking “better women” is like looking for a needle in a field of haystacks. Most men who’ve ever married have thought they were marrying a better woman, and most of those men were wrong. Even a great woman can be turned against her husband and the law and culture will empower her to ruin his life. And no, there’s no sure fire way (that's moral, legal, and ethical) to avoid divorce, and when a woman thinks a divorce will be to her social and financial advantage, there’s literally nothing lawful that a husband can do to stop her from divorcing him. But again, it’s not just divorce. It is what our laws and culture now call marriage that more and more men are admitting they don’t want. Also, telling a man  to pick women to whom he's not attracted is a prescription for disaster. What woman wants a husband who doesn't desire her? If a man isn't attracted to her, intercourse is going to be difficult and infrequent. Many women, if they're being honest, don't mind that. But they do mind that if he isn't strongly attracted to her, she will have less power over him and attention from him.

“But don’t you want to continue your family line, and pass down your values, and leave your legacy?” Hardly anyone who isn’t a genealogical hobbyist (or has a “IV” after his name) can give the full name of a single one of their great-grandparents, let alone tell you anything about them. (I’m talking about most people, here, not those subcultures in which women become great-grandmothers by age 50.) Chances are, your great-grandchildren wouldn’t even know your name. And no small percentage of men who THOUGHT they were passing down their genes were really raising another man’s offspring anyway. If you want to pass down your values, become a persuasive commentator. Countless parents have striven to pass down their values to their children only to have it spit back in their face once their child gets hormonal or smokes up or gets processed by higher “education”. If you want to leave a legacy, do charity or build something.

“Marrying and having children will contribute to your personal growth.” Ask someone who uses “grow as a person” or “personal growth” to explain exactly what they mean. They probably won’t be able to give an answer that isn’t abject nonsense. A husband might appeal to how his wife has made him a "better" person, or that he’s learned to “compromise” or “sacrifice”, which really means she’s nagged him and withheld sex from him until he did things more to her liking, or how he does fewer things he likes for the sake of his kids. How is that growing as person? It is diminishing as a person.

Marriage and parenthood might “grow” your ability to learn how to live with a wife and kids. Big whoop. That means they change you so that you can continue to do those things. It doesn't extend your influence or increase your practical abilities. Or you increase your tolerance for pain and punishment. If you’re a masochist I suppose there is some benefit to that. It actually restricts your personal growth, because you’re busy running errands and doing chores to basically maintain your wife and kids, with little time and money and energy for actual personal development. If you are able to provide for your own needs, why "grow"? Especially when "grow" looks suspiciously like "Do things someone else wants done and do them the way the way someone else likes."? Want to grow as a person? Read a good book. Learn a skill. Take up a hobby. Volunteer for a charity. Make friends, which is far easier if you don't have to spend your time catering to a woman.

People should be raised to be independent. Being independent doesn’t mean there is no interaction with others; it means you have mostly mutually beneficial voluntary transactions, not a Mexican standoff imposed by a perpetual state contract where some stranger in a black robe who was processed in law school is going to get control over your life and future. Being independent means NOT relying on government programs. If you find someone you want to be with and you keep wanting to be together, well, great. But that’s not going to be the case for most people. Ladies, if you haven’t done so already, you can and should learn how to provide for yourself (accumulating debt is NOT doing that) and defend yourself. If you live in a place that won’t let you pack heat, move. Or be rich enough to hire protection. Men, learn to pick up after yourself, do your own laundry, and cook. It’s really not that hard.

You can have companionship without a legal contract, a public vows ceremony, or living together.

As far as sex - women are giving it away for free these days, no strings attached. If fornication goes against your conscience, then get some of the ever-improving sex toys. If THAT goes against your conscience, then go without. It is possible. Being married in no way guarantees that you’ll have a satisfying sex life or any sex life at all.

Let’s stop assuming our sons should or will marry. Let’s raise them to be independent.