I Don't Like It When My Wife Makes That Promise

This is one of those times when I feel like some ungrateful murmurer, because I've been blessed so much but I'm going to grip anyway.


Some marriage-minded counselors and advice dispensers tell wives to tease their husbands, indicating what she's going to do later when they're alone, in private. This is supposed to be a turn on, and supposed to get the man to hurry home from where he is like a trained seal.

For me, it is a turn off. Why? More often than not... probably nine times out of ten, when my wife promises me sex at a specified later time (later that same day, or the next day), often while rejecting me at the moment, it doesn't end up happening. Something gets in the way, such as getting to the point in the day when I'm facing six hours of sleep or less, and since I'm already tired, she defers, claiming it to be for my own good. Or, believe or not, it is because she wants me to shave right before, and she doesn't want me to shave at that moment because she wants my shave to be closer for whatever will follow later (work or personal). Or because it is that time of the month. Or because she isn't feeling well. Or because, sleep and sex deprived, I'm grouchy and that turns her off.

The promise of getting it later is not done in a flirty way. My wife gave up flirting a long time ago, claiming she doesn't know how. It's more like scheduling a meeting.

So, her use of that tactic is a diversion rather than priming the pump.

Now I'm going to get into some details of what happened between us the other night in bed, so if you don't want to read that, you are warned. It isn't too graphic.

Why Some Husbands Start Hanging Out in Sports Bars

Overall, things really aren't bad in my life, and things are actually good for the most part in my marriage. At least, that's my perception. Maybe I'm delusional. Consider...

In a previous posting, I mentioned how I committed my wife. They didn't see a reason to keep her past the 72-hour hold, so out she came. She even joked about the experience. I couldn't laugh about it.

We discussed what needed to change about our lives to avoid getting to this point again.

And then I realized I had made a tactical error by not being the one to be hospitalized first. All of the changes we discussed are going to make things easier for her, but many of them are going to make things more difficult for me. As it was, before all of this happened, my father had expressed concern that I was going to wind up in an emergency room, as he did right before my mother gave birth to their third child.

We've put some of the changes into practice. Others we haven't. For example, we're still in the process of finding a marriage counselor (she wasn't happy with the one we went to last year). I'm not really sure what a marriage counselor can do.

The marriage counselor can't make my wife's physical condition, which I was mislead about, get better.

The marriage counselor can't find more time. In fact, the counseling is going to mean out time will be even more taxed.

Perhaps we're going to pick the kind of marriage counselor who is going to tell me to take on even more of a load? What am I going to do? Explicity say in front of my wife and the counselor that I've been a victim of fraud, and there's nothing I can do about it now because I don't want my kids to have a broken home, and after my kids are grown, the laws & courts would ---- me over too much for me to want to initiate divorce, seeing as how I will have been the sole income earner and we will be long past the magical ten-year mark?

The other day, my wife was looking for a home video and she was struck by how nice her breasts used to be. Actually, they've never been spectacular, but I was fine with that. Breastfeeding and a lot of pumping and starving herself (not while pregnant or breastfeeding, thankfully) took a mighty toll on her breasts. So now, or the first time, she's talking about getting implants/enchancement surgery sometime in the vague future. Geez. Look, I'm the kind of guy who still wears glasses because I'm too cheap to pay for laser eye surgery. I pointed that out to her. If I haven't spent the money on that, why would I want to spend the money on fake boobs? I also told her I was fine with the way she is. Really, what's been my alternative? Tell her she needs to have her breasts done and thereby further reduce the frequency of my access to her body? I also asked her who she is trying to attract. She already has me. She insists it is for her own image. I cited what Dr. Laura says... it is OK if it is to "fix something that was broken", not to turn perfectly fine B or C cups into something larger.

The rest of this is about marital sex, if you don't want to read, don't click through.