Two recent letters to Dear Abby provide lessons for men, especially when taken together.
PUT-UPON MOM IN GEORGIA wrote:
My 50-year-old daughter divorced her husband 15 years ago because she thought she could do better.
Unless it would truly be better for her to be alone, you already know that a stupid move. Did she talk with any other women around that age about how hard it is to find good men?
From what I could see, he was a good husband. She didn't work and lived a comfortable lifestyle with two small children.
How much in assets did that guy lose? How much money went to lawyers? How much alimony did he have to pay? How much time with his kids got taken away from him? How much child support did he have to pay?
Since the divorce, that lifestyle has gone steadily downhill.
Of course!
She can't hold a job because she always finds some way to be offended, and quits.
What must it have been like to live with her?
She had a house my husband and I paid the down payment on, but lost it by making the ownership joint with her abusive second husband.
So she exposed her kids to an abuser?
She no longer receives child support because her children are grown, so her finances are worse than ever. We bought her a car last year because she had no transportation.
All that money should have gone in to trying to get custody of the kids, or helping their first ex son-in-law so do. And isn't child support supposed to be for the children? Why did it stopping hurt her finances if she no longer had to support children? Hmmm...
My question is this: How much should we continue to financially support her?
NO MORE!
Yet again, guys, we see that you should avoid signing a terrible state contract with a woman.
In another letter,
PROCEEDING WITH CAUTION wrote:
I'm a 32-year-old woman. My 20s were spent in a serious long-term relationship. It was a lot of firsts for me. After we split, I took a couple of years to sow my wild oats and find out who I am as an individual.
Guys, you want to meet up with women when they are doing that.
I'm now looking for something more than "friends with benefits."
"I've had my fun."
However, the last few men I've met and gone on dates with, as wholesome as they seemed on dating sites (which have been my main source of meeting men), were really just looking for hookups. I want to find a life partner.
What does "life partner" mean? Dose it involve someone doing free work for you? Paying your way through life?
Most men want hookups. Some are willing do more because they think they have to. But most men, especially if they know what they're doing can get hookups. That's the competition you're facing.
I have been chatting with a potentially great guy I met online, and we have a date scheduled. But I'm nervous that when we meet that he'll expect more than a date. I'm over that. Like I said, I want an actual relationship.
You're over that? So you don't like sex?
Can you give me some advice on what to do and say, or not, on a first or second date to help move it in the right direction without scaring the guy away?
That depends if you're going to hold out or not. If you're not going to hold out, don't bother with the speech. If you
are going to hold out, be blunt about that, and tell him it's not an invitation for him to try to persuade you differently.
If he sticks around, consider he might be desperate, have little drive, be gay, or otherwise in little interest in grown women. Or, he might be very religious. Are you willing to be with a man who is very religious, and everything that entails?
Pay attention, men.
