Avoiding Rattlesnakes is Good Sense

I saw a tweet go by from The Good Men Project. The headline was "5 Fears That Keep Us Single". The implication, given the account, was that if men want to be good, they should be in an exclusive relationship. I reject that. [This entry is bumped up.]

Anyway, as often is the case with these things, the link was to something what was posted months ago, in this case it was posted in November 2017. The article was originally from a matchmaking/dating website, so that tells you right there what some of the problem with it is going to be. What's more is that it was written by a woman.

But I didn't know that when I saw the tweet.

It made me think. What "fears" keep men single? Having a fear isn't necessarily a bad thing. People should fear live rattlesnakes to the point that they stay away from them. Fangs full of poison are usually going to be metaphor instead of fact when it comes to women, but yes, men do have some fears that rightly have them avoid relationships. Here are some:

One More Reason to Limit Relationships

Here's another reason for men to avoid marriage and keep relationships (with women) limited if even bothering with them at all: The Permanent Record. [This is an entry from a few years ago, bumped up.]

Oh, you may think she subscribed to "forgiveness" or even "forgive and forget". But very few women actually do. All it takes is for them to get angry enough, or be hit with the wrong hormone, and things you thought you'd "worked through" together and put behind you as a couple will come back to haunt you. Since nobody is perfect, some of these things could be actual screw-ups on your part, but others will just be matters of taste or things you were right to do (or not do) that she didn't like. It could even be your tone or how you did something.

I was thinking about this because my wife responded to something I told her that should have been good news with a very cold dismissal of indifference, citing that we had to cancel certain plans she'd been excited about a year ago. Never mind that if we had gone through the plans, we'd have several thousand more dollars in credit card debt now.

It hit me that I'm going to be hearing about this literally for the rest of my life. She's going to bring it up over and over again and let it cloud all sorts of things.

Never mind that I make well above the national median household income. She's expensive, and she herself has said so. I refuse to liquidate our retirement savings to sustain a lifestyle that is beyond our means. I don't want to take more tax hits on income on which I've already been taxed and we need MORE retirement savings, not less. It's bad enough we're not putting more away now.

The fact of the matter is, my current income would be more than enough to provide me with a comfortable life, all the involvement in my hobbies I'd like, and a comfortable retirement. This would be the case even if I never increased my income other than along with inflation.

But it's not just me. It's my wife, our kids, and my wife's brother and his wife.

So think about that the next time someone tells you married men are better off financially.

And let The Permanent Record be another reason NOT to marry. If you insist on being in a relationship, when the record becomes too much to deal with, it is time to move on and clear that space in your life for someone fresh. It'll take time for that new record with a new woman to get bad. And the previous woman won't have to deal with you anymore, so you'll be saving her aggravation, right? The Permanent Record is just one of many reasons to keep relationships casual, rather than forming a legal corporation with a woman.

Why Health Matters in Relationships

My marriage has a serious birth defect.

It is that I needed and wanted a wife who was functionally healthy, I made that clear, I thought that's what I was getting, and instead I got a wife whose physical health is deteriorating and who has a history of serious mental illness, and who didn't reveal those things to me.

Stop Child Abusers

Child abuse happens everywhere, regardless of demographics. What's worse, some child abuse is captured on video and uploaded online for perverts to enjoy.

That's one reason I implore people not to waste their time, money, and energy trying to stop CONSENTING ADULTS from making erotica and CONSENTING ADULTS from viewing erotica. All of those resources should be directed at preventing child abuse (and the abuse of adults) and locking up those who perpetrate it.