Men Need To Protect Themselves In the Workplace

 

Don't be fooled, guys.

It doesn't matter how relaxed your workplace feels or seems. It doesn't matter what your boss does, what other men do, or what the women do there.

You must always remember that normal adult behavior, including harmless behavior that has gone on in workplaces for as long as workplaces have been a thing, can now get you in deep trouble. Normal behaviors, normal conversations, can lose you your job, your entire career, and more.

Your job, your workplace, is not a place to find a date, or a lay, or a girlfriend, or a wife. It doesn't matter that people have done that for as long as there have been workplaces and are still doing it now. It is far too much of a risk for you. You need to think about you, and covering your donkey.

No, it's not just crude jokes, or lingering hugs, or cheesecake screensavers, or trading favors. The way you look at a woman, even if she is fine with it, can get you into trouble.

So, how do you prevent accusations?

The best way is to work for yourself, or for very small business at which no women work and no women will ever work. Even then a woman who interacts with you as a customer or supplier or whatever can make accusations, but you have more control and protection than if you're working for a large employer, especially one where misandrist feminists are in control, or at least in control of dealing with alleged sexual harassment.

But if you do work somewhere that women also work, you need to be very careful, deliberate, and consistent in what you do:

Keep your interaction with women strictly professional and to the minimum that is absolutely necessary.

What does this mean in practice?

When it comes to women who work for your employer or where you physically work, even if they are employed by someone else:

No mentoring. Although mentoring has benefitted women tremendously, it's far too risky for man to mentor women. Do not take on even an informal mentoring role.

No dating. Do not ask for a date, do not accept a date. Don't even go for coffee with them.

No socializing. Do not gossip or chit chat with them. Do not talk about personal matters with them, or listen to them talk about personal matters. Do not do anything with them outside of work, even (especially!) if you are on a business trip together. Do NOT let anyone from the office set you up on a date with someone else. It is impossible for them to do so without talking about social matters with you, and no matter how the date goes, it can mean taking on trouble at work.

No ridesharing. If at all possible, avoid being with a woman from work in an automobile for any length of time. This might take explaining to Human Resources that you have a personal conviction not to be alone with a woman.

No elevator sharing. Avoid being alone in an elevator with a woman. Take stairs if you can.

No personal messages. Whether email, voice mail, texts, whatever, do not send or forward or respond to personal messages, or personal content in messages. If it isn't strictly professional, do not get involved with it.

No flirting. Don't even smile at her.

No compliments. Do not compliment a woman at your workplace on anything, no matter how innocent.

No joking. It doesn't matter if everyone who hears the joke laughs and nobody complains to you. Just don't do it!!!

No touching. Do not touch them (except for a brief handshake, when it is absolutely necessary). No hugs, no high-fives, no taps on the shoulder, no touching!!!

No staring. Do not look at them for more than a second at a time, and only in the eyes, or better yet, at their forehead. Use a poker face. Only look at them if they are speaking, or you are speaking to them.

No gifts. Do not exchange gifts with women. Again, this might mean going to Human Resources and insisting you have a personal conviction that prevents you (as some religions do) from accepting gifts for birthdays or holidays. This may also get you out of participating in birthday celebrations and holiday parties.

Avoid office parties, especially any involving dancing or alcohol, like The Plague.

This may make things awkward, but that's a small price to pay for covering your donkey.

"Excuse me, I'm here to work. I don't want to ______." That, or some variation, will be helpful. "I'm here to work. I don't want to discuss personal matters." If someone asks you if you have a problem with women, keep your statement as terse as possible. Something along the lines of "Not at all. I'm here to work, and I work with men and women." When asked a personal question, redirect, even without a pivot. If someone asks, "So, what did you do this weekend?" You: "I thought about those reports. They're due by the end of the week."

You might be unfortunate enough to have a boss who wants you to participate in "team building" exercises. If such exercises involve touching women and or letting women touch you, or any personal discussion, you should be able to opt out.

If you have people working under you and you need to speak with them in-person, one-on-one, talk with the highest ranking person in your Human Resources department you can about how to avoid being alone behind closed doors. This may involve having someone from HR join such meetings or a secretary, to "take notes". You might have to do it for both the males and females under you to avoid treating them differently.

If you're unfortunate enough to sit through training aimed and preventing sexism ("bias") or sexual harassment, don't give the trainer(s) a hard time. It only prolongs the training and makes you more of a suspect. Pretend to pay attention and speak up as little as you can get away with. Try not to laugh if someone cracks a joke or points out absurdities.

If possible, avoid taking breaks in shared breakrooms. But if you can't avoid that, stick to the rules.

Make sure nothing in your work area could be construed as creating a hostile work environment, whether on your desk or on the wall or on a screen. Do NOT keep a little figurine of a rooster on your desk. Do NOT keep a bowl of dates by the door and ask things like, "Have you seen my c---? Wanna date?"

Yes, this will make the workplace boring and drab. Yes, many people have met at work and gone on to be married for life. Too bad! Keep interaction as minimal and professional as possible. Even if she drops to her knees, opens her blouse and sticks out her tongue, walk away. All it takes is someone else complaining.

Heterosexual men are rapidly being marginalized in our culture and are increasingly at risk for being publicly humiliated and vilified, fired, sued, fined, and incarcerated for normal male behavior or based on mere accusations. Some prominent Christian leaders have refused to meet with women behind closed doors, and not long ago Vice President Mike Pence was ridiculed for having the same boundaries. The door must always be open and witnesses nearby. 

Extreme? Perhaps. But how else do you prevent false accusations? If everyone knows you're the guy who won't even allow yourself to be in situations in which an accusation could have any bit of credibility, you are preventing what could be ruinous trouble for you.

See what I wrote about this topic before in this entry and this one.