Deserving

A female relative of mine who recently divorced her (most recent) husband and has spent a lot of time over the years as a single/divorced mother recently had this as her status update on a social networking website:

Every woman deserves a man who calls her baby, kisses her like he means it, holds her tight like he never wants to let go, doesn't cheat, wipes her tears when she cries, doesn’t make her jealous of other women, instead makes other women jealous of her, is not scared to let his friends know how he really feels about her, and lets her know how much he really loves her.... Re-post if you agree.

Every woman? Really? Even those women who murder their own husband and kids? What if she is a horrible woman and treats men like crap?

Notice that the wording is not "everyone woman deserves a husband".

I think I've seen this status update posted before, including by women who make the kinds of choices that allow men to treat them like crap. You know the type... they will sing along the loudest to "I Will Survive" and still go on to jump into bed with jerks. Women may say they want one thing, but often treating them a different way gets a guy what he wants. Sometimes, the more of a jerk a guy is, the more a woman will keep having sex with him and doing anything else he wants.

As for jealousy – some women are especially insecure and jealous, and nothing a man does will change that.

I do believe in the inherent worth of every human being, including every woman. Even those girls who are still in their mother's womb have inherent worth. But I also believe in personal responsibility, and that there are things some women do to bring crappy guys into their lives and drive away loving men. I also believe a relationship between a man and a woman is a two-way street.

If I were going to post an equivalent of the status update, it would be:

Every man deserves a woman who respects him to his face and behind his back, doesn’t cheat, doesn’t sexually reject him but is an enthusiastic lover, keeps herself together, doesn’t make him jealous of other men, instead makes other men jealous of him, sends him off to have time with the guys with a smile instead of eye-daggers, lets him do things for her, doesn’t treat him like one of her girlfriends, tells him what she needs instead of expecting him to read her mind or decipher hints, is not scared to let her friends know how she really feels about him, and lets him know how much she appreciates and respects him...Re-post if you agree.

Is This Outrageous or About Right?

Richard Winton at LATimes.com reports that a guy in his 30s caught molesting his 13-year-old goddaughter (police think it started when she was 12) has been sentenced to just three years in state prison after pleading no context to two felony counts (two other counts were dismissed). And if you know anything about the current situation with prisons in California, he's probably gonna get out plenty early, after spending the most of the time in county jail.

Wait...

Let me check that again...

Oh!

I knew something had to be wrong with that. I didn't think a guy would get only a three year sentence for something like that. It wasn't a guy with his goddaughter – it was a woman with her godson. This is an update on a story I noted on here before:

The operator of a South Los Angeles day-care center convicted of molesting her 13-year-old godson was sentenced Tuesday to three years in state prison.

Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Terry Bork sentenced Chelsea McClelland, 35, to state prison and ordered her to register as a sex offender for the rest of her life for the assaults that occurred in December 2010.

So much for "thirteen will get you twenty".

Checking Up On Your Classmates

Men and women are different, and life works out accordingly.

Ladies, you’re three paths towards making it to “the good life”:

1. Being born into it (over which you didn’t have control) and not squandering it (over which you do have control).

2. Serving the needs and wants of others in financial transactions (employment, investments).

3. Attracting and marrying a successful man before your looks fade too much, and keeping him for the rest of your life, or at least long enough for the laws of your state or the provisions of a prenup to leave you well off.


If this stark reality sounds awful, look at it this way: It is one more option than men have. Academia and the workplace are now oriented towards the needs and tendencies of women. Female CEOs earn more than male CEOs. The workplace is your oyster.

The good news for men is that it is still true that a man's attracting ability tends to increase as he gets older, at least into old age, while a woman's attracting ability tends to decrease. That's because when it comes to initial attraction, men are visual and women want a man with money, power, and/or fame (or "security and confidence", but it is the same thing thing).

Guys, if you're in your later 30s or older, you can have a good laugh by looking up your high school classmates (Facebook) or especially by attending a 20-year, 25-year, or 30-year reunion. Time (and calories) haven't been kind to most of the girls who were considered the most beautiful and were ever so popular when I was in high school. There are a couple of exceptions, to be sure, and there are those girls who were awkward in high school who became beautiful, poised, confident (and more than capable) women. But there are women who wouldn't give me the time of day back when we were in high school who are unrecognizable now, and not in a good way. And if they got used to getting by on their looks, they're in trouble now. I can honestly say that my wife, who didn't go to my school (and if she had, it would have been after I had graduated anyway... heh heh), is easily more beautiful than any of my high school classmates.

More importantly, though, is that she's an excellent wife in most and important respects. Reading some of the Facebook updates, I can see that some of my classmates aren't or wouldn’t be.

I'm so glad I didn't get into a "high school school sweethearts" thing with one of those girls and get married. Ugh. I shudder at the thought.

Thank you, Lord, for saying "No!" to my foolish, childish prayers back then.

Why Would a Grown Man Have a Facebook Account?

As I've mentioned many, many times, I listen to Dr. Laura Schlessinger and I agree with her on just about everything. This is one of those instances where I disagree with her.

She asked a recent caller, a wife, why a grown (married) man would have a Facebook account. (Not that she wants kids to have them, either.) The implication, based on other things Dr. Laura has said, was that Facebook is only for women, since they are social and all, and for men who are looking for sex.

So I suppose married men shouldn't make comments on her Facebook page?

I've noticed before that she seems to be technology-averse in many cases, and yes, she wants people to get outside and exercise and go see people in person. I get that.

But there are many reasons a grown, married man would want a Facebook account. Most of my male contacts on Facebook are married. Facebook, like MySpace before it, are essentially organizing tools. Long before MySpace, people were using online communications to network; store and share pictures, videos, and other files; e-mail; chat; have group discussions; express their opinions and relate their experiences; plan events; and keep contact information. Social networking services like Facebook allow them to do that all in one place.

A grown, married man such as me can use Facebook to keep in touch with family, friends, and professional contacts. No, it isn't possible for us to all live close to each other, drive to each other, or bicycle to each other. Sorry!

The reality of my life right now, given professional and family demands during this phase in my life (I haven't even been able to blog nearly as much as I'd like), is that I'm simply not going to see many of my/our friends and professional contacts in person very often. To keep in touch with each other, our options are: 1) writing snail-mail letters; 2) phone calls; 3) e-mail; 4) social networking such as Facebook. This most recent option is the most efficient, convenient, inclusive, and customizable. I can use Facebook when I first wake up or when I'm about to go to bed; those aren't good times to be visiting others. I use Facebook to leave little love notes to my wife. I use Facebook to share pictures of my children with my parents. Surely, Dr. Laura wouldn't want grandparent deprived!

I have never, ever used Facebook to flirt with, hit on, or enter into an inappropriate emotional relationship with a woman. (Or a man, for that matter.)

So let's not cause undue suspicion on married men who are current in their use of technology and communications.

Homeless Guy Scores Jailbait

What am I missing here? Tony Barboza reports at LATimes.com.

A registered sex offender living in a tent in Moreno Valley has been arrested on suspicion of having sex with two underage girls, police said Tuesday.

James Russell Watkins, 29, was arrested Saturday after police responded to a tip about a possible sexual assault of two teenage girls near Alessandro Boulevard and the Old 215 Freeway.

He was arrested, essentially, for statutory rape. He's not being charged with forcible rape, or kidnapping, or unlawful detention.

After interviewing Watkins, police said, they determined he had had intercourse with the girls at various times throughout July.

So, not twice, as in once with each girl. Various times.

Watkins, a parolee and registered sex offender who told police he lived in a tent in the area, was booked on charges of unlawful sexual intercourse, child abuse and violation of parole.

Okay. So it sounds like the girls willingly had sex with him. I know, they are too young to consent and I'm in no way defending this creep. But what's up with these girls? I would think they were junkies, but there's nothing about him being charged with supplying them with anything. That implies to me that these girls were willingly visiting this guy for sex.

I remember when one of the reasons young guys wanted a nice car was score with the young women. This guy is a bum. What's going on with these girls? If they wanted sex, they could no doubt get it with guys who aren't homeless. There's something missing here. And what are the odds these girls aren't from homes with good fathers? Fairly high, I'd think.

Irony? Hypocrisy? Or What?

We have a daughter involved in a voluntary group activity. My wife had some reservations about how this activity was being organized. The final straw was that the woman running the thing got knocked up with no plans to marry her boyfriend.

So, we moved our daughter to a new group.

But at our final event with the old group, the expectant mother, who was unaware at the time of our plans to leave, made a comment to everyone about how one set of girls meets Friday nights, which "keeps them out of trouble".

Huh?

What kind of trouble is she talking about? Surely, she can't be talking about getting knocked up with no marriage in sight.

Or is it supposedly different because she's an adult?

That points out the different reasons why different groups bemoan teen pregnancy. I don't think teen pregnancy is a problem when say, a mature, family-minded 19-year-old wife is pregnant by her 24-year-old husband who is earning a good living, and these people are right for each other. I would guess that this woman's problem with teen girls being pregnant is that it would limit their ability to party in their early 20s. My biggest problem with unmarried teens (or unmarried women of any age) getting pregnant is that it is bad for the child and bad for society.