Relief Pitcher Playing Until Jailbird Gets Out

Another day, another Dear Abby letter that is too "good" to pass up.

Brace yourselves.

STAY-AT-HOME-DAD wrote:

I am 32 and in a relationship with a 31-year-old single mother.

NO NO NO NO!!!

Her son, "Steven," is 7. Her daughter, "Jessica," is 15.

So "Mom" was pregnant by about age 16?

I am a stay-at-home dad.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAA! Of course they aren't married! He doesn't earn more than she does and she's at least smart enough not to sign a bad contract like that!

Both kids refer to me as "Dad," as I have been a part of Steven's life more than his (incarcerated) dad has ever been.

Watch her dump him and then wring child support from him, and then shack up with her stud once he gets out of prison.

Because I am a stay-at-home dad, this means I take Steven to various professional appointments, doctors, including a psychiatrist for ADHD, the dentist and various sports activities.

Yes, yes, you're a cuck.

I was informed three weeks ago Jessica is pregnant.

Of course she is! Like mother, like daughter! Provided Jessica doesn't have the child slaughtered, your shack up lover will be a 33 year-old grandma!

When I take our boy for doctor's visits, they always want guarantor information, and I always sign.

And you plan to pay with what money?

But after a recent checkup of his, I called for results and was outright lied to -- "We don't have the results back" -- and Jessica's doctor said they can't release any information to me.

Yeah, buddy, you're just the potential wallet and the free babysitter. You're not their dad. Sorry!!!

Abby, I'm in this for the long haul.

You might but is your girlfriend? Oh, it's going to be such a great situation when there's a baby, and you have to take care of the baby, and then the troubled boy gets hormonal... oh, this is going to be great. What a sucker. Wait until Jessica gets pregnant AGAIN!

If doctors will let me sign to pay their medical expenses but I can't have the results, what can I do?

PACK YOUR BAGS AND DISAPPEAR!

Dear Abby was no help, of course. She recommends birth control for Jessica. She didn't bother giving this guy a hint that he's being foolish.

This is Why "Friends First" Can Fail

Today's (6/15/2018) Dear Abby is an illustration of why some men opt to be that unreliable jerk "bad boy" who many women will fornicate with quickly without expecting much other than sex, or in hopes of "taming" him down the line. Such guys can go from woman to woman, especially younger women, and don't have to deal with much else.

My husband and I have been together for almost 20 years. With every year that passes, I fall more in love with him. He's a wonderful person who treats me very well. 

I could go on and on about how caring and considerate he is.

Awwwwww.

However, when it comes to being intimate, I'm just not interested. I have known him for so long and know him so well that, for me, the "spark" is extinguished. In some ways, he almost feels like a brother, which makes it difficult to have sexual feelings.

Translation: "If he were just coming over to hookup and treated me like dirt, I'd be so turned on by that. But living around his laundry and being friends, it's not there for me."

What's the lesson here? If you want passionate sex, don't tell a woman everything. Keep her guessing. Don't be her buddy. Don't live with her.

I tell him many times a day that I love him, because I do. I want him to know he's my best friend and I care deeply about him. We have tried role playing, games, sexy clothing, etc. -- nothing helps me. I go through the motions when I must, because I know it is one of the ways he expresses his love for me.

I give her credit for that. There are an awful lot of women who simple say "Forget it" and sexually reject him, let that menopausal mustache grow, wear frumpy clothes, pack on the pounds, etc.

I don't want to be with anyone else. I just want to know how I can feel excited about being intimate again.

It might not be possible, which is one of the common trade-offs with marriage. But yes, at least try Dear Abby's advice of taking this to your OB/GYN, getting a referral to an endocrinologist, and if that doesn't solve it, a psychologist and sex therapist.

Or, unless you have some religious objection to it, come up with an "arrangement" with your husband, if he still wants passion. Make sure he's shooting blanks and help him find a surrogate or tell him to do it on his own but to be discreet. I don't think that's a good idea, but it's what some people do.

So all of you unmarried men, why aren't you rushing to get married???

Jerry Newcombe Finds False Hope in Prince Harry's Self-Sacrifice

Jerry Newcombe posted a marriage-selling column at Townhall.com under the headline "Marriage Is The Dream That Will Not Die".

June is the month of weddings.

Yes, where dreams go to die.

Now that the dust has completely settled from the mid-May wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, it’s interesting to note that the eyes of hundreds of millions around the world were looking at this whole event with great interest.

He was being extremely foolish. I'll be pleasantly be surprised if it works out for him.

How come---in light of the notion that marriage is just an antiquated institution these days?

Because people like parties and women are delusional with their princess fantasies and narcissists when it comes to relationships.

Marriage is ultimately a picture of Christ and His bride.

Sure, if you're talking about holy matrimony and not the abomination our culture now calls marriage. I mean really. Compare marriage from Israel 2,000 years ago to what was call marriage today in the West. There's very little resemblance.

Hey Anonymous Commenter: Stop Seeing Your Coworker

There are hundreds of comments on this blog's most popular entry, so it is easy to miss one. I'm addressing one in particular with this entry, but also below I will post an edited version of two recent comments on the same entry. I tend not to actually publish comments with "profanity", but if they're worthwhile, I'll address them like I'm doing here, edited.

Anonymous 6:36 AM:

Ok so, I'm not sure if anyone will read this or help me by responding but let me explain a bit on whats been going on. I'm 29 years old and have had my eye on this woman I work with for months,

WOAH!!! Hold up there.

If you care about your job, NEVER NEVER NEVER date a woman you work with, or who works for the same employer, or in the same location. NEVER!

Guys, do not ask them out.
Do not flirt with them.
Do not joke with them.
Do not socialize with them.
Do not compliment them.
Do not touch them (except for a handshake, when it is absolutely necessary). No hugs, no high-fives, no taps on the shoulder, no touching!!!
Do not look at them for more than a second at a time, and only in the eyes, or better yet, at their forehead.
Do not gossip or chit chat with them.
Do not talk about personal matters with them, or listen to them talk about personal matters.
Limit your interactions with women at work to what is STRICTLY NECESSARY per your job responsibilities.

When asked a personal question, redirect.

Example:

A Scandalous Skank

Today's Dear Abby featured what Tom Leykis calls a scandalous skank.

IS HE THE ONE FOR ME? wrote:

My husband and I are both active duty military. We have been married for three years and have an 18-month-old daughter together.

Who is raising that kid?

My husband is sweet, handsome and a great father.

So a great guy then, huh?

We got married very quickly, and I think that's where our problems began.

Yeah, you could have left out "very quickly" and it would have been the same.

He isn't good at communication or showing affection, which leaves me feeling lonely.

She just said he was sweet.

This, on top of being separated several times due to the military, makes for a very shaky marriage.

If only you could have known what jobs you'd have before you married!

OK, brace yourselves...

I have cheated on him with eight different people since our wedding. The affair I am most ashamed of was when I was pregnant with our daughter.

How does he even know that the kid is biologically his???

I'm currently in counseling, but I'm still unable to curb my cravings.

You had to have known you were like this. Why did you marry? Oh, that's right. MONEY AND BENEFITS!

He always forgives me and allows us to continue being married.

So, either this guy likes being walked all over, or he's banging every skirt around.

The problem is, I don't know if he's really the one for me.

Wasn't that supposed to be considered BEFORE AGREEING TO MARRY HIM???

Gee guys, why aren't you rushing to get married???

Don't Sign Up For This

Two letters to Dear Abby and an obituary notice are something to behold, guys.
A SECOND CHANCE wrote to Dear Abby:

Because I was sexually abused as a child, I have difficulty trusting men.

DONE. That's a big "DO NOT TOUCH" sign right there. That's how she started the letter.

My oldest sons have different fathers. While they were toddlers, I met the father of my youngest two sons.

She trusted three men enough to let them stick it in her and knock her up. Who knows how many other men have been there? Doesn't that take some level of trust?