I STILL Need A Vacation

I went back and read this entry from March 2018, titled "I Need A Vacation."

It's been over four years since that was posted.

The closest I've gotten to a true vacation since that was posted was about three days over a weekend that I spent helping a friend do something out of state. There were some relaxing hours, but it wasn't like the whole thing was relaxing. It was a lot of work. But at least I got to hang out with my friend.

My kids have, separately, spent time away with family, like a few days or a week at a time. My wife has taken one of the kids for a long weekend convention a couple of times. I took one of the kids to an event a couple hour's drive away that involved an overnight away. I also took one of the kids on an exhausting field trip that lasted multiple days. One of the kids has been away for camps lasting almost a week at longest.

We haven't had a family vacation.

We haven't had a couple's vacation.

I haven't had a vacation for me.

We've done some fun things as a family that haven't taken us away from home for the better part of a day. These excursions aren't relaxing for me because I have to handle my wife and keep track of the kids.

It's extremely rare for my wife and I to so much as go to dinner without the kids.

There are many reasons for all of this. It isn't that I haven't suggested more dates with the wife. It isn't that I wouldn't want to take family trips.

For one thing, It's the reality of having pets. I expressed reluctance about getting more pets as our previous pets neared the end of their lives, precisely because of the restrictions it would place on travel, the expense, and the mess. And I was right, but basically I was overruled.

More so, though, it's the reality of the family dynamics. We haven't been able to leave the kids with the same babysitter, meaning we have to make multiple arrangements to have the kids with others, and taking the kids along for things makes everything more expensive, of course.

And of course some of the time we were under lockdowns.

What has really helped the last couple of years is working from home, which has only been successful because I've been able to go into a home office and close the door, and only be interrupted with texts and knocks on the door. Fortunately, I can still work well even as I have to "put out fires" and handle interspersed chores and errands. It has been a help to NOT have to commute for work and attend in-person meetings that also required driving from one place to another. In that sense, the lockdowns and subsequent enabling of remote work have been a help to me.

Still, as the week goes along, I find myself getting exhausted and needing downtime. But I don't want my kids stuck at home all the time, so I take them places and that's tiring for me.

I STILL need a vacation. No vacations are planned.

This is the life of husband and father.

Attention Newlywed Men

Hello, Gentlemen.

June is wedding season. Did you just get married?

Are you already regretting it?

Maybe you think it is the best thing you've ever done. Yeah, that's what you think for now.

Especially if you do not have children with this woman, you need to keep something in mind. How much alimony you'll have to pay her often depends on how long the marriage continues. For example, there are states that say if you were married for six years, you have to pay alimony for three years. Eight years of marriage means four years of alimony. In states like California, ten years of marriage can mean lifetime alimony.

So, the clock is ticking.

Don't let embarrassment, or thinking of it as "failure" or "quitting" if you get out now, or the sunk costs (how much you spent on the wedding, honeymoon, etc.) stop you from getting out sooner rather than later. It would be better to be free, and free sooner, than live a life of quiet misery. get stuck with years and years of alimony, and spend far more money on things she wants as the years ago by.

Things aren't going to get any better than they are now. Likely, they will get worse. People say things got better over time are usually saying that they stopped caring about what they needed, wanted, and their dreams, and developed tolerance to the misery. Guys often forget what freedom was like. Don't let that happen to you!

If you don't have children with her, do not get her pregnant if you're having doubts that marrying her was a good idea.

Much of the advice in this post applies to how to get out. But you definitely need to consult with a family law attorney, since you signed a state legal document (most likely).

How Was Your Father's Day?

 
So, how was your Father's Day?

Comment below, whether you're a dad or know a dad you were with for Father's Day or you did something for a father you know.

It Is NOT a Public Health Crisis

The latest tactic (or, at least, the latest that I've noticed [this entry was bumped up and was published a couple of years ago]) of "anti-porn" activists is claiming it is a "public health crisis" and seeking to have it declared as such by governments. Doing things like this might rile up the people who already agree with them, but it makes them look extremely foolish and lessens their credibility. It's also feeds a problematic trend, as David Boaz of the Cato Institute points out so well here.

Tactics matter. The tactics used  to get what you want can also be used by others to get what they want. Live by the sword, die by the sword. Hmm, here have I heard that expression before?

Boaz leads off with what prompted him to write:

A Republican National Convention platform committee has declared pornography “a public health crisis.” Committee members don’t seem to know what “public health” means.

Lately it’s been liberal Democrats who have applied the “public health” label to everything they don’t like — smoking, obesity, venereal disease, motorcycle accidents, and more. They see “public health” as a blank check for government action.

Exactly. By claiming it is a "public health crisis" the people who pushed for this to be in the party platform are hoping they can make this an exception to the desire for smaller government. Here's the danger to the party: Millions of people view porn and then don't perceive there to be any problem as a result, so when a party platform calls it a public health crisis, they think the party leaders are being stupid.

Dennis Prager Gets a Call From A Clueless Woman, Pushes Marriage

During the open lines third hour of today's Dennis Prager Show (October 4, 2019), he got a call from  "Anne in Dallas". I really wish Anne would have called Dr. Laura instead. [This entry has been bumped up. I wonder how "Anne" is doing now?]

Anne was never asked, and never directly revealed, whether or not she has children, wants children, or her age. She did indicate that she's been looking for a traditional husband (= walking ATM) for many years. There was no indication she has ever been married before (sounds like she hasn't) or if she'd been riding the carousel until she got religion.

But she's dating a 48 year-old man "off and on" for two years who has been married three times already, the longest marriage being four years.

Right there, Dr. Laura probably would have laughed and her and then hung up.

Doesn't Take My Breath Away

 

 

 

Here's something that reinforces the point I made here.

 
A woman posted on Facebook bemoaning that Kelly McGillis wasn't in "Top Gun: Maverick."

Some people are responding by saying the McGillis hasn't had much of a movie career in years. But, really, she could have been brought back for this movie if the producers wanted to do that.

It would have been embarrassing, though. 

 

She played Tom Cruise's love interest in the original. Tom has aged very well, and has no doubt worked very hard at maintaining his appearance. He's recognizable as the same person from the original movie. These pictures of McGillis are how she looked in the original, and her looking her best now. Notice it's pretty much a head shot. You can search for pictures of what she looks like these days, if you want.

This isn't a Hollywood problem. This is reality.

The reality is, time is on the side of men.

McGillis, it turns out, doesn't care about attracting men in her personal life. But her personal life isn't the totality of the movie industry. The woman who wrote this said she wanted to see McGillis and thinks she's beautiful. Well, I don't think McGillis is ugly. But this movie isn't a chick flick. It's a movie targeted at men who like military movies and jets, and targeted at women who want to see Tom Cruise. Most of those women wouldn't want to see McGillis, at least not as Tom Cruise's current or past love interest.

McGillis may be a very decent and sweet person. I have no idea. I've never met her and I've never heard anything about her other than what's out there in the general public.

The writer of that lament wants people to stop noticing that most women hit the wall. Isn't going to happen. She might as well tell women they should marry poor men shorter than themselves (and yeah, I know Cruise is short). This is reality. Most men find younger women who aren't overweight most attractive. And most women won't agree to be exclusive with a man who isn't taller, stronger, and richer than she is. Older women, regardless of appearance, can be very significant members of society, great friends and neighbors, and all of that. But they're usually not going to be the main love interest in mainstream movies, even if men their age are.

Want McGillis featured on the big screen as a love interest or otherwise as attractive? Collaborate with  and produce something for her. "Top Gun" isn't it.