Being His Lover - Part 2: He Wants To Satisfy You

In Part 1 of this series, I explained that, if most relationships with a man, being a good lover is important and it can be easy.

But it's not all about him.

Unless you chose poorly, your man wants you to be sexually satisfied. He wants to rock your world.

But men are not mind readers, so you have to clearly tell us or, even better, show us what you want, what gets your toes curling, what makes you feel loved. (If you don't already know, you'll need to think about it and also probably get to "know" yourself much better.)

We will do it!

Constructive encouragement and clever redirection will help. Criticism or complaining will destroy. Penises don't take criticism well, and men generally have fragile egos when it comes to sex.

Is he doing something you don't like? Is there something you'd rather he be doing at that moment? "Beg" for him to do X, which gets him to stop doing Y without you saying "Don't do Y!" Or tell him, "What will really drive me wild right now is if you..."

"Yesss!" is great. Examples:
"Yes, just like that."
"Yes, don't stop!"
"Yes, a little higher."
"Yes, a little lower."
"Yes, a little to the side."
"Yes, a little faster."
"Yes, a litter slower."
"Yes, a little softer."
"Yes, a little harder."

After everything is over, like the next day or something, reinforce for him what you liked. "Thank you so much. It was especially great when you..." You might also say, "I'm a little curious. Maybe one of these days we could try..."

We also don't want to be selfish, so if it is one of those occasions you're unprepared or unwilling to let him "get you there" but you still see the benefit of "taking care" of him, tell him that in a way that doesn't make it sound like sex is a burden or you're not interested or he's unattractive to you. That can be something like saying in a sultry voice, "Ooh, I want to do this so bad. Just let me do this, this time while you just relax and enjoy." If he thinks you enjoy doing something sexual to him for the sheer sake of him enjoying it, that's a turn-on and a great feeling to a man.

Rejection hurts. It can ruin your relationship. If he's feeling horny but you are not in the mood and he's not going to be able to get you into the mood, instead of "Ugh, not again!" it would be much better to say and do something like "Hey, stud, how about you relax and let me..." You can fill in the blank. Of course there will be times in which any form of sex is not going to work for you at all, and if you married a good man, he will accept that. It is best if you reassure him you love him and love what you do together even as you "postpone" a session.

If he can't tell if you still need to orgasm, you want (another) one, he's probably done, and he doesn't have the presence of mind to ask if there is anything else he can do for you, you can try "I'm enjoying this so much, let's keep going." Show him/tell him what to do. "I need your talented tongue..." or "I need your fantastic fingers..."

I come (no pun intended) from the school of "she comes first." Hopefully, you can get him to adopt that if he hasn't already. The only drawback to that is that if it is one of those times you don't want to try or you know it's not going to happen, he has to switch to accepting that he gets it without you getting it. The problem with male physiology is that unless we're in an extremely, extraordinarily arousing situation, we lose our erection after orgasm and lose our interest for a bit, almost like some women apparently feel for the rest of their live after they eat their wedding cake (or, after they're done having kids, or have hit menopause). But we can be back to being erect and eager in a short amount of time, especially under the right circumstances.

Positive reinforcement and playful redirection are your friends. He's not a mind reader. He wants to please you. But you have to let him, and you have to show him how.

Being His Lover - Part 1: It Is Important and It Can Be Easy

This is going to talk bluntly about sex, and is intended to help women.

Assuming you married, or will marry or partner up with, a "typical" good man and not some sort of very odd guy or a bad man, it will help your relationship and benefit you much to be a great lover.

Sex is extremely important to most men. That's just the way God or nature made us. If you think it's just a matter of how we've been socialized, consider gay male subcultures and history. Even though our culture hasn't traditionally socialized men/boys to be gay, gay men demonstrate almost all of the same sexual nature found in heterosexual men as far as how important sex is, being visually stimulated and wanting to see skin, the desire for variety, enjoying the sight of others but still being happy and attracted to their lover, and more. And yeah, there are some women who feel a need for a lot of sex, women appreciate a good hardbody on a man, some women want sexual variety, but for most women, it's just not the same. Comparing men as a group and women as a group, and the "average" man and "average" woman, the male sex drive is far stronger, desire for diversity much more persistent, and the spectrum of attraction enormously wider.

The good news for women is that being a great lover is entirely within your power. You don't have to look like a swimsuit model. Also, if you are a great lover, most other things don't even matter, or matter much less. If you dented the car or he had a bad day at work, a good lovemaking session is likely to put him in a much better mood.

You don't have to talk with him for a long time, take him to dinner and a movie, bring him flowers or gifts, light candles, etc. All you have to do is please his peter, which you can do with your hands, mouth, breasts, and/or your "other cheeks" with or without showing any other skin. Or, if he's like me, getting his face between your thighs also works. Boom. He's having a better day. He could be watching sports, or doing any number of things that aren't sexy or romantic, and you can still get him aroused and to orgasm with no other preparation except maybe lubricant. (But if he's watching his favorite team, it's best to wait until it's over or until the halftime break, if there is one, unless what you're doing doesn't obstruct his view.)

There's a lot more to say, so I've decided to break this up into a series.

Part 2: He Wants to Satisfy You