Conditions Under Which My Wife Will Have Sex With Me

In case the title of this entry wasn't enough warning, this entry is entirely about marital sex.

Damned If You Do

WIFE: You never make decisions. You make me do all of that work.

ME [Makes more of the decisions after soliciting input and reasoning from wife. Some are different than she'd make.]

WIFE: You don't care about me! I don't matter! You're just going to do whatever you want to do anyway! You can forget about sex for this week and forever!

This is something I'm sure millions of husbands experience. There are many no-win scenarios when it comes to being a husband. Getting married means handing over your life and money to an irrational, moody being who makes unreasonable and arbitrary demands, and many end up leaving, blaming the husband for not being able to make her happy when nobody and nothing could make her happy.