More Fun With Statistics - Body Count and Marriage

"People who have no or fewer sex partners before marriage are more likely to be satisfied with their marriage and less likely to divorce."

Have you heard that or some variation of that?

Even if true, it would be completely useless to you if you've already married. If you've had "more" sex partners, then it would be all the more reason to avoid that terrible state contract! Or if she has. If you both have, that's EVEN MORE reason not to marry.

But some will find that statement useful in telling younger people to or anyone who has has "fewer" sex partners why they shouldn't have (more) sex outside of marriage.

It won't deter anyone who doesn't want to get married.

And it might not deter people who are good at analyzing data and statistics.

Let's look at a couple of graphs that are being used to push this message.

As Panscan points out, we're not seeing the entire graph. There's a 5 percent difference between people who have had 2 partners and people who've had eleven, twelve, or scores of partners. But it looks more dramatic when you remove all of the graph under 50 percent.

Also, if we're going to take the graph seriously, men who've had 6-10 partners are better off than men who've had four or five partners, and women who've had 11 or more partners are better off than women who've had 4 partners.

Even if a man "waited" for sex, there's still a 27 percent chance - more than 1 in 4, he will admit to not being very happy in his marriage. And for women, that's 35 percent - more than one in three!

Finally, notice that the husbands are happier than wives. Guys, don't be selfish by asking a woman to marry you!

Now let's look at the second graph.

This graph uses months.

Notice that people are divorcing a couple of years in. Guys, if you're foolish enough to marry, refuse to spend much on the wedding and related events.

80 months in (so a little over 6 and a half years in), the lowest rate of divorce is still 10 percent, meaning 1 in 10 couples. Most people will have had a 25 percent divorce rate! 1 in 4 couples!

Also, if we take this graph seriously, if you've had one premarital partner, you might as well have had countless, at lease as far as six years or so down the line.

What is really going on here?

It's Just Like Cheating!

Matt Walsh, apparently feeling that the countless anti-pornography ministries aren't enough, decided to score points with the uptight ladies by chastising men for liking depictions of female flesh and sexuality. From his column at The Daily Wire, "How to Betray Your Wife, Destroy Her Self-Worth, And Implode Your Marriage In One Easy Step": [This entry is bumped up from December 2017]

I wrote an article last week about a husband’s great need, and right, to be respected by his wife.

Yeah, good luck with that. Our culture and our laws make that nearly impossible.

But one theme seemed to emerge from many of the messages I received: a lot women have trouble respecting their husbands because their husbands spend so much time watching porn.

Those were probably women who spend all day feeding confirmation bias about how terrible their husbands are.

I maintain, porn or no porn, that husbands should still be treated with respect in their homes.

Uh oh!

But that does not justify porn, nor does it mitigate the impact it has on a marriage. A man who laughs at the very idea that he may be hurting his wife by watching porn only proves the point. He has become so intensely self-involved that his wife's needs are a joke to him. Even when she tells him that she is hurt by it, still, he blows her off and returns to the naked people on the screen.

Why does it hurt her? Usually, it is because she's been TOLD it is hurting her. If she was instead told that she shouldn't be jealous of pixels, she'd probably, in most cases, be just fine.

Disconnects When It Comes to Discussing Marriage Online

There are a couple of common disconnects with people who try to counter me in discussions on Twitter/X about marriage and being a Free Man.

1) They accuse me of being an incel or lonely, dateless, can't get a wife, etc. It takes two seconds to check my profile and see that I'm married. It's especially stupid because my personal status has nothing to do with whether I'm writing the truth or not, or whether it is a good point or not.

2) When I say legally marrying is detrimental to most men, or there's no benefit for them to do it, or ask someone to cite a benefit for a man, responses (the ones who don't try to divert, anyway) often cite something men can get without legally marrying, and often without socially or religiously marrying.

The lack of reason and logic, the use of fallacies, the bad mind reading, and the hallucinations are quite sad. I'm not obligated to defend an argument I don't make. I welcome legitimate disagreement and discussing the differences. When someone libels me, however, I will usually block them.

Boundaries

Dr. Laura mocks callers who use the word "boundaries." She says "Boundaries are what keep cattle in one place." This despite her own program's buffer featuring her talking about "retreading a tire" when she is in no way referring to dealing with an actual tire.

Less frequently, she'll say that boundaries don't stop other people from doing anything.

While she might dismiss "boundaries" as "psychobabble," it's a frequently used (often correctly) and understood term.

When someone "has boundaries," it isn't about controlling what other people do. Rather, it is all about what the person who articulates the boundary (whether only in their own mind, or voicing it to others) will tolerate, and how they will react if the boundary is violated.

Let's consider an example.

Joe decides he has a boundary that he will not allow his sister to criticize him for being a free man. At a family gathering, his sister bashes him for being unmarried. Joe politely excuses himself and leaves early.

Did the boundary stop his sister? No, but Joe didn't stick around for more abuse. That was setting and using a boundary.

Let's consider another example, one that Dr. Laura can really get behind.

Jenny establishes a boundary that her difficult mother can't stay with Jenny, her husband, and their kids. Rather, her mother can stay in a nice nearby hotel when she visits. Jenny's mother asks, "When I come for the visit next month, how about I stay with you?"

Jenny says, "Sorry to disappoint you, mom, but we need our privacy. That hotel chain you like has a nice hotel just a couple of miles away." That was setting and using a boundary.

Dr. Laura tells her callers and listeners to use boundaries all of the time. She just doesn't use the actual word. She has boundaries. For example, she will not argue or debate anything she says on her program.

Boundaries are wonderful things. I urge my readers to set boundaries:

• Don't marry
• Don't date women with minor children
• Don't date coworkers
• Don't date virgins
• Don't take unnecessary DNA tests
• Don't donate sperm
  
• Don't socialize at work
• Don't let the women you're dating know where you really live, work, or what your real name is
• Don't buy expensive gifts for the women you're dating
• Don't loan anyone money you can't afford to lose forever
• Don't pass up a better job out of what you'd call loyalty to a boss or employer 

All of those are boundaries, and I encourage people to have many more. Most people should have their own additional boundaries depending on what they want and what bothers them.

Boundaries are not requirements for OTHER people. They are something YOU put in place for YOURSELF. "If X, I will Y."

"Why Can't Men Be Upfront and Honest?" - Part 1

A woman created a Twitter account apparently to respond to what I say in posts like this one, in which I encourage men to avoid being with a woman, on certain days/times of the year, who is thinking of you as potential husband material, or who you've been seeing on a regular basis.

This woman said:

"If you're noticing a girl likes you enough to be developing feelings for you and actually wants to spend time with you she at least deserves to not be strung along. It's pretty amazing how callously some men treat some women."

And:

"I’m just saying be honest and up front about not wanting a relationship so she is privy to what your intentions are."

By telling men to get scarce and avoid being with a woman he's been seeing during those days, I'm encouraging men to prevent or stop her from thinking of him as someone who is going to be part of her life with her friends and family, or thinking of him as shackup or husband material.

I'm addressing men who do not want to be married and do not want to even live with a woman. Ideally, these men are only seeing these women for dates (visits or booty calls) that don't involve meeting her friends or family.

If she's thinking it's more, or hoping for or wanting more, that's her problem. Nothing more should have been inferred.

Avoiding the woman during those times avoids leading her on!

It's up to her whether not she will see him again if he asks to see her after those days have passed.

There is far more to write about this, but I'll save that for another entry or two or three.

Part 2 of This Series

Home Security

I previously wrote an entry on managing danger that focused on being out and about. What about home security?

Like so many other things in life, if you remain a Free Man, home security is less complicated. You only have to worry about your own protection and you don't have to worry about protecting anyone else, save your temporary guests.

If you have the means, having 24/7/365 armed security on-site is going to provide the most security. Few people can have that, though. Likewise with living in a walled, gated compound.

The bad news is, if someone really, really wants to get into your home, they can, especially if they are people of means. The good news is it is becoming easier and easier to increase your home security, which will discourage potential malefactors, buy you some time to protect yourself if they are getting in, and can capture evidence for prosecution.

What you should do depends on things like where you live, what is in your home, and who might try to get into it and why. If you live on a rural farm it's a far different matter than living in a major city or an adjacent suburb.

When Your Buddies Marry and Become Scarce

Are you a man whose friends all seem to be getting married, or maybe they're just living with their girlfriends, and these men never seem to have time for you, or enough time, anymore?

Perhaps the worst thing you can do in response to this is to get married yourself. Don't make that mistake! Most of you should avoid marrying, avoid living with a woman, avoid impregnating a woman, and avoid signing contracts (like leases, loans, etc.) with women.

Yeah, it sucks when your buddies get married and become scarce. It's probably not you personally. This is a very common thing, Why? Well, there are many reasons:

1) She runs their life, especially their social calendar. If he's lucky, he'll get some guy time, but even then, it might be time with the guys who are married to her friends. They are going to spend most of their social time with her married friends and her family, or as a couple.

2) He has chores and errands because of her. All of those "honey dos".

3) He doesn't have money to spend anymore. He needs to pay for the things she wants. and whatever debts she brought into the marriage she's now getting him to pay off. So, it isn't so easy for him to go to a game or concert or do whatever with you that's going to cost money.

4) He has to work more to pay for his (her) now-more-expensive lifestyle.

5) He can't do many of the things he used to do with you and the other guys. She might not let him. And you, in general, are a reminder of what he's given up, especially if you're telling him (or posting on social media) about the wonderful things you are doing that you most likely wouldn't be doing if you had a wife and especially if you had kids.

But here's the good news for you, if you're still interested in a friendship with him.

It Costs More to Raise Children Now

“People in the past had (more) kids even though they had less wealth.”

That statement is made to try to cajole people into having (more) kids, as though other factors haven’t come into play.

Life has changed.

More people used to live on family farms or above family shops. The kids were working in the family business as soon as they could walk. Or the kids were going to work in factories, mines, or other income-earning jobs.

If mom and dad weren’t working the family farm or shop together, dad could be working his entire career for the same employer, in the same town.

High school is not much more than a century old, and a much smaller percentage of the population went to college.

Now, for many “professional” or career-type jobs, at least a Bachelor’s degree is required by employers. Landing a job, and subsequent promotions, often requires jumping from company to company and relocating. When you have kids, that becomes very difficult. Layoffs don’t help! If you’re getting your health insurance through your employer, it’s much less of an issue if you’re childfree.

Kids were financial assets from an early age, now they are liabilities for 26-plus years.

Most people don’t think it’s good or even acceptable anymore to have kids, especially kids of the opposite sex, sharing small bedrooms, so each additional child can mean needing an additional bedroom. Even if you’re willing to cram your kids into a small place, housing costs have outpaced inflation.

As have automobile costs, and each child needs their own seat, with a special child’s seat contraption, and then a booster seat, almost until they’re ready to drive themselves. This isn’t the old days of packing onto the floor of a van or the back of a station wagon. Speaking of driving themselves, there are more restrictions on teens driving. Having kids usually means needing larger automobiles.

Healthcare costs have also outpaced inflation. Oh, there are glasses/contacts, dental work, orthodontics, therapy…

College costs have also outpaced inflation. But before college, there’s hiring tutors. Public schools involve certain costs, too, but if you find them unusable, how much do you think private schools cost, hmmm? Oh, “Just homeschool!”? Who’s paying off mom’s student loans then, eh? Homeschooling usually isn’t entirely free, and means much less time and ability to earn income.

I won’t even get into the costs of day orphanages (daycare).

Birthdays. More kids today have a party every year. That doesn’t just mean you have to pay for your own kid’s party every year. There’s buying gifts for, and attending their friends’ parties, too. The time itself is costly. And of course there’s the really big birthday parties: Sweet 16, quinceañeras, bar and bat mitzvahs, which are rivaling weddings for expense and trouble.

Recreation and entertainment costs have gone up. Do you know what it costs to visit a major theme or amusement park now? Professional sports games/matches?

Are you going to pay for your child’s wedding??? 

None of this is even taking into consideration that your child might get involved in something as simple as a schoolyard fight that, nowadays, will require you to hire lawyers. Those aren’t cheap.

What if your child has special needs or a disability? This can not only be costly in money, but time, effort, and freedom as well. And that might continue the rest of your life.

Let’s not forget taxes and all of the other ways government of various levels collects money from us that have increased.

And what happens if the person you made the kid with decides they don’t want to be married anymore? How much is a divorce and ongoing battles over custody, support, and other matters going to cost? How much will the support cost? Therapy for the kids?

No matter how much the fertility rate panic pushers try to gloss over things, children are expensive, draining, and limiting.

People often want to have the same “things” others have, if they see it’s a better life. People also see what other people go through and realize they don’t want that in their life. Many childfree people see what parents deal with, and say “No thanks!” The panic pushers don’t want people to believe their “lying eyes.”

Maybe some of those people in the past or elsewhere are poor mainly because they had more children? It’s also possible poor people have (more) kids because they are something that is “theirs” and they think they can control. Everything else is only theirs until it gets repossessed or their landlord raises rent.

None of these people telling you to have (more) kids are going to be there to pay your bills, or deal with the toils and troubles. No, that will be up to you. And some of those people will be first in line to criticize you if you don’t handle parenting exactly the way they want you to. Because it isn’t simply, “Have kids.” No, no, no… it’s “Have kids, then do everything else the way we say, too.”

They want you to feel guilt and shame for wanting to be somewhat secure, wanting to enjoy your life and freedom, not wanting to struggle. They’ll say what approaches “But you CAN afford kids! You can rent a few square feet in Montana & live in a tent!”

Haven’t we heard over and over again that people sacrifice and struggle and work hard so that future generations have a better life, and can live better than previous generations? And yet if you try to actually fulfill that by living a better life, these panic pushers freak out. These fertility cultists seem to be saying, “No, not a better life for you! Someone else, down the line!”

In addition to monetary costs, many people staying with the default of being childfree also think children should have parents who will stay together, cooperate, and treat each other well, but are perceiving, correctly, that they can’t provide that, or there’s a significant risk of not being able to provide that.

The claim that concerns about the costs of raising children aren’t warranted doesn’t withstand scrutiny.

The Costs of Raising a Child

What Should A Rejected Spouse Do?

What are the options when one partner wants sex far more often than the other?

There are people, including women, who point out that spouses are entitled to sex from each other and that one spouse should not deprive the other except temporarily for mutual consent. As such, one account on Twitter cited an instance in which a wife declined her husband's request for sex, only to wake up later in the middle of the night with him doing things anyway.

The law and our culture both say that this is rape.

The person describing the instance says that the wife should give her husband grace.

(I want to make it clear that it is a major turn-off to me if she doesn't want it, so I wouldn't be in this guy's position even if I believed it was OK.)

In the Biblical framework, spouses owe each other sex. General consent to sex is part of getting married. Don't like it? Don't marry. Of course, people who don't consider the Bible an authority can, with integrity, ignore what the Bible says. But someone who claims to care what the Bible teaches can't.

As far as the law, our laws will force the higher earning spouse to financially support the other spouse, no matter what. By marrying, the higher earning spouse is giving general, ongoing consent to this, and crying "slavery!" later or saying "I don't feel like it" won't change it. And although our laws, in some places, still allow a spouse to sue for "alienation of affection" in the event of an affair and "loss of consortium" for any number of things done to their spouse, other than that, the law does not say one spouse owes the other sex. Think about that. If your wife doesn't feel like sex because her employer committed illegal discrimination against her, you can claim "loss of consortium" as one of the reasons her employer owes you money. But you're not owed sex. Laws aren't always consistent.

The woman who said the wife should give her husband grace, and people like her, would also say a husband viewing porn is a terrible sin, even masturbating without porn would be. In their beliefs, a person's sole sexual stimulant or outlet should be their spouse. No sex outside of marriage is acceptable.

When a caller to Dr. Laura presents the situation of a husband wanting more sex and the wife not wanting to meet him at his level, Dr. Laura usually will provide the options as follows:

A) Wife has sex more often with the husband
B) Husband leaves
C) Husband hires sex workers
D) Husband gets a girlfriend on the side
E) Husband masturbates to porn

She says the wife can pick one. Of course, most of the wives don't want any of those. They want option F, which is just that the husband just be completely sexually frustrated. But in Dr. Laura's mind, even though she isn't a Christian nor a Bible believer in the conventional sense, a husband is owed sex because he's paid for it by laying down his life and signing a state contract that financially obligates him.

While sometimes the wife wants it more than the husband, it is usually the husband who wants it more. The norms of various cultures have dealt with this throughout history with polygyny (multiple wives), prostitution, and mistresses. Most American women reject that. Some of them encourage or "allow" their husband or boyfriend to use masturbation, porn, and toys. Other women don't.

Culturally and legally, there is no shame applied at all to men who stay free and run game, who can have sex any night they want. If one woman isn't in the mood, he just moves on to the next woman in his phone's list of contacts, until he finds one who will welcome him. He doesn't need to share his earnings, or run errands, do chores, romance her, go on long walks, listen to her ramble on, or even buy her dinner. He doesn't need to care for her when she's sick, or deal with her parents or siblings, or even her friends. Nope. All he needs to do is text her when he wants some, and show up. He can repeat this with a different woman every night. Meanwhile, the Good Husband can go night after night, for weeks, months, even years, being rejected and going sexless no matter how good of a husband he is. And if he decides he can't take it anymore, he'll have to give up at least half of everything, pay for two legal teams, and likely pay ongoing alimony, maybe even for life.

Which one of those two guys will most men choose to be, if they really grasp that they have a choice? Of course there's always the "monk mode" choice, too, of staying free and not bothering with the sex. We are seeing men make these choices.

I urge men not to assault or harass or otherwise burden women. Only see them when they want you.

Why Married Men Should Have an Affair

To Whom Does Your Body Belong?

Is It OK For a Spouse to Withhold Sex?

Rejecting Your Man

When A Wife Rejects Her Husband

One Flesh or Not?

To New College Students and Those Newly On-Campus

Your whole life might have been leading up to this point, especially if you're attending college straight from high school.

This is for people starting college or new to attending class on-campus or new to living in a dorm. If you're going back to school as an "older" student this might not be as helpful.

While plans change, if you don't have any idea what you want to do, you shouldn't be going to college unless you have a full ride or it's an inexpensive community college.You don't want to waste money or time. It doesn't have to be this precise: "I want to be a registered investment advisor at John Doe Investments." It can be, but it doesn't have to be. But it should be specific enough that you know which school or department you want to be in. Lab sciences. Business. History. Graphic arts. Mathematics. You get the idea.

Here are seven things to remember.

1. Getting a Degree - Remember why you’re there. You’re there to get a degree. Consider classes that are in the evening, on weekends, on Monday morning or first thing any day, and late Friday. Evening and weekend classes are especially likely to have other students who are experienced and are serious about their studies. Figure out what the instructor REALLY wants from students. Make office visits (or one-on-one calls or meetings, if remote) and communicate with the instructor as needed, but don’t make their life difficult. They are usually happy to help a student who shows enthusiasm for their areas of expertise.

Unless you're going just to get your parents off your back, you probably have a goal in attending. Don't lose sight of that goal. But... be flexible. Relatively few people graduate with a degree in the major they originally thought they would and end up landing a lifelong job in the career they were intending when they first went off to college. People change majors, people change their minds, life happens, things change. Some people drop out.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of jobs that require a college degree even if it isn't truly necessary to do the job. If you want one of those jobs, you need to get the degree.

You're there to get a degree that will open more doors in employment. Having a degree has upsides and virtually no downsides (once you get past the cost in money and time).

DO NOT let an entry-level or service job hurt your studies. Don’t fall into the trap of working more hours because you need the cash to the detriment of your progress. This is not the same thing as having a great opportunity in business. 

If, early on, you realize you want to change majors, don't hesitate to do so. Do it ASAP. If you get to the point you're close to graduation and you realize, "I don't want to be a History teacher after all," go ahead and complete your degree. Having a degree, and maybe having one in History, can still help you.

Dropping out of college, which means not getting a degree, isn't always a bad thing. One reason why is that you've done the next thing so successfully that getting a degree becomes superfluous.

2. Networking - I considered making this first. That’s how important it is. The proximity principle comes to mind. This is one reason evening instructors can be preferable: many of them have day jobs.

As much as you’re there to get a degree, you’re there to network with people who will help you reach your life goals.

Networking with other students as well as professors and other staff and guests/visitors is important. Treating college as nothing more than a classroom is usually a mistake in that it misses opportunities.

Take advantage of the fact that you’re surrounded, or at least connected, to so many other people who share some of the same interests, talents, and goals as you, and will have the same alma mater as you the rest of your lives.

Connect with good people, people who are going to be doing the kinds of things you want to do.

Unfortunately, I have nothing to say about fraternities other than do your research. I simply don’t know enough about them, but I tend to prefer more freedom. 

3. Knowledge, talent, skills, practices, habits - This is often not the same thing as getting a degree. Learn useful things. Developing good systems that work for you will benefit you for the rest of your life. This is even more about how what you do outside of the classroom.

Some instructors not only know more than you on the subject, but more than they will teach. Most professors love to talk, love to share what they’ve learned beyond what they have time to do in a classroom. If they’ve written the textbooks, ask them questions you think of as you go through it. But again, don’t be someone they hate to see dropping by or contacting them. 

4. Friendships - This often not the same thing as networking. Who is a good person? Who is a good friend? College can be one of the best places to make new friends. Friends can help you with everything else on this list. Don’t get dragged down by someone who is perpetually dysfunctional or needy.

 

5. Dating - Never let women interfere with making the most of college. You shouldn’t have “a” girlfriend, certainly not one “back home.” Don’t let a woman determine what you’re doing in college. For example, don’t take a class because a woman is.

You’ll never again be surrounded by so many young, hot, available women looking to explore and have fun.

Running game is great, but there is the risk these days of false allegations getting you kicked out of the university or harassed.

Especially if you’re young, you might want to find the local cougar hangouts. There are always older women looking for young college men, and being with them avoids the potential problems of being with campus women. 

6. Avoid Brainwashing - It often starts with orientation or even before, and can involve administration, faculty, campus groups, etc. Think critically and question in your mind what’s being told to you. There’s so much crap being taught and imposed in academia and so much intolerance. You might have to pretend to go along with groupthink, at least some of the time. Pick your battles and play the game.  If politics or ministry is how you intend to make your living you might want to make a point of speaking up and questioning the crap, but otherwise you might be better off just observing and taking notes. Christians, you don't need to get into spoken or written battles over every perceived dig at your faith; don't cast pearls before swine.

Remember that expertise is not wisdom, and regularly read, watch, or listen to content that dissents from the groupthink.

7. Smell the Roses - While it may seem like you’re facing an eternity of studies ahead of you, in many ways it’s going to be over quickly. Take a little time here and there to enjoy what the campus and surrounding area have to offer outside of the classroom. But… don’t fart around. Don’t lose focus on getting the degree, networking, and learning. 

Have anything to add? Share it in the comments.

Don't Go Further Down That Ladder

During his Male-Female Hour on Wednesday, January 25, 2023, Dennis Prager again tried to fool men into legally marrying.

This time, he did it under the guise of asking people who lived together before marriage what the difference was after they married.

Except he didn't leave it at that.

He asked men if they really want to go through life saying "This is my girlfriend" instead of "This is my wife."

See, he has an emotional fixation or being married and being a husband that he picked up very early in his childhood, and so that's a compelling argument to him. People who think through it rationally might say, "Yes, I'd rather keep saying that." or "We can all each other whatever we want. Nobody in our life ever asks to see a marriage license or wedding photos. So I can call her my wife without getting a terrible state contract."

He added that adults have wives and husbands, children have boyfriends and girlfriends.

Says who??? Again, this is his emotional fixation at work. Dr. Laura callers make a point of calling their spouse their boyfriend or girlfriend. (There are some things I would PAY to hear Dennis Prager and Dr. Laura discuss together.)

He said getting married is announcing to the world that you are committed.

Here comes one of his favorite phrases: "So What?"

Most people understand and accept that people who are living together, even people who aren't living together but consider themselves a couple, are committed in the sense that, unless they have indicated they swing or whatever, they are off-limits to new love interests. If one is being invited to an informal engagement, the other is being invited unless it was planned as "no partners."

As Dennis knows, anyone can divorce at any time. Getting legally married is committing to nothing more than a shift in wealth - usually from a man to a woman. That's the only commitment.

People can make an announcement of their commitment without a ceremony, without a terrible state contract.

Dennis asked what the argument for NOT marrying is if you've been living together for years, but he kind of answered his own question: the state contract is terrible.

He argues that living together unmarried is different than living together married. If he wasn't emotionally fixated on being married no matter how many divorces you've had, the answer is in his declaration: living together unmarried is different than being married. Some people are going to prefer living together unmarried. We all know Dennis doesn't. But most men don't have the emotional fixation he does.

Kudos to the last caller, who said his faith took him away from remarrying after his wife and the mother of his children divorced him.

As I've made clear repeatedly on this blog, I think shacking up generally a bad idea (although, there are situations in which is preferable to legally marrying.) So, I'm not defending unmarried cohabitation. Rather, I'm tired of Dennis Prager trying to fool men into legally marrying. He wants men to go further down that ladder. I don't.

UPDATE: Since I originally wrote this, I have learned that couples who cohabitate unmarried have more sex than married couples. That’s statistically, as groups. Individual situations can vary.

Running Game - When She Starts Getting Lazy

When you're running game at expert level, and you have a full roster with extra players waiting in the bullpen, one reason to drop a member of your roster is if she drops any one thing you like off the sexual menu or her sexual repertoire. You should have made it clear you like it, and since you did when she did it, and she's done it for you before, she shouldn't have dropped it.

Dropping it means she's either getting comfortable and thinks she has you locked in - meaning she was doing it to reel you in with no intention of continuing to do it, or she's on her way out/favors another guy to the point she doesn't care about doing what you want anymore.

Either way, don't talk with her about it. Don't complain, don't whine, don't demand, don't argue, don't pressure. Don't "negotiate." What's the point? If she wanted to do it, she would have. Desire can't be negotiated.

Don't say anything at all to her. Simply ghost her. If she tries to talk with you after you ghost her, it's because she thought she had you locked in, or the other guy didn't work out. (You should always assume they are seeing other guys; don't indicate you want to be exclusive.)

"Dropping it" would be on a three strikes or less basis. For example, let's say it's fellatio. There can be legitimate reasons she won't want to do it once or twice, like dental work, cold sores, etc. But when it is three times in a row (meaning, over three or more weeks), it means she's dropped it off the menu.

Guys who fall into the trap of thinking they want an "exclusive" relationship tend to end up simply accepting this stuff, because they aren't seeing anyone else and don't want to "start over" with someone else. That is a very common way men end up having a terrible sex life. Early on, she's trying to hook you in. She's auditioning. Don't stick around for it when she stops doing what you like.

One Sign It is Time to Move On

What Newly Divorced or Freed Men Should Do

"Divorce is expensive because it is worth it." -Modern Proverb

So you're newly divorced or about to be divorced, or out of a long/live-in relationship.

What should you do?

This is all about minimizing risks, damage, and pain, and getting you to thrive and enjoy your life.

1) Reject the idea that you are a failure, or this is just about you or just about her. Most marriages fail; even more so for relationships that don't marry. It was likely a bad idea to get married or so deep into the relationship in the first place. Resist the notion that you should try this again or you should have shame for the divorce/breakup. If anything, it's a shame people have been pressured into these situations.

Oh No! Not Lower Fertility Rates!

If you don't know what "fertility rates" are, it refers to the average number of children born to a group.

There are people freaking out that certain populations are having fewer children. Who? Well:

• People who want more taxpayers around to support the government-run ponzi schemes like Social Security
• Government agencies (and their unions) that rely on saying they need to serve children in order to keep their funding
• Businesses that sell a lot of overpriced, quickly consumed or outgrown stuff for children
• Businesses that "serve" children, such as day orphanages
• Racists who are afraid the "wrong" people will outnumber their descendants

Now why are people having fewer children? Here are the reasons I can think of right now, in no particular order: