Running Game - The Hot Sauce Trick

If you're running game, ideally you've had a vasectomy and it tests as still being effective. If that's not the case, you shouldn't be having intercourse without a condom, one that has only been in your possession, not hers. You might want to use a condom even if you have had a vasectomy, for STD prevention. NEVER rely on a woman saying she can't get pregnant or is using some form of contraception. Countless men who have relied on that are stuck with children they didn't want or child support payments, dealing with women who are nightmares.

Either way, used condoms go in the trash, not down the toilet, because that can cause plumbing problems. You need to carry a small bottle of Tabasco or habanero sauce with you when you do this.

Why?

Because adding a few drops of such sauce to a used condom you then place in the trash will let you know if she tries to retrieve the condom to use your sperm against your will. Yes, women have tried this, and yes, the hot sauce trick has worked.

It's Not Healthy to Sign Terrible Contracts

Delano Squires had a blog entry over at one of my "favorite" blogs. With a title like "Making Boys Into Men" you just know it's going to be ripe.

Editor’s Note: This week, the Family Studies blog is publishing a series of short essays addressing the meaning and purpose of healthy masculinity in today’s world.

By "healthy masculinity" they mean "Men doing what we like." In their case, that's marrying, having children, and being compliant followers to their leadership. Let's get to Squire's contribution.

American boys and men are in a state of crisis. The notion that masculinity and traditional gender roles are “toxic” forces of oppression is a common refrain in our cultural commentary and political discourse.

Yup.

The first lesson is that no man should feel ashamed of being male, because God created him that way.

Good.

I also believe that men function best in environments marked by order, so I will teach my sons that men who want to lead families need to be led by God’s word.

Married men don't lead families. They might be allowed to appear to lead.

A Common Red Flag When Considering Marriage

A tweet by Brad Wilcox:

New "research by Stanley & Rhoades [indicates...] men & women who cohabited w 2+ partners prior to marriage were 60% more likely to end up seeing their marriage end in divorce or separation"

Well, there you have it guys. Have you shacked up with at least two women, including your current girlfriend/fiancee? Has she? If either of you have, you have another reason to avoid marrying. Your marriage would be doomed!

Sure, the tweet and the report behind it are intended to try to get people who haven't shacked up yet not to do so. But we can still apply it to people who have, who should use the information to avert disaster. DO NOT MARRY!

Wilcox had a whole article about this.

Where Can You Find a Friend?

 
Where can you find a new friend, if you want and need one?

You want quality friends.

Family. I’m not talking about your parents, or, if you have them, your children. It’s great if they’re not terrible people and you’re friendly with them and can do things with them in addition to the requisite family obligations. But most true friends in your family will be more of a horizontal connection, like siblings and cousins. Maybe uncles or nephews. Some people will not find friends in family, and that’s OK. You being born into a situation doesn’t mean you’ll find friends there.

Acquaintances. These are not the same thing as friends, but they can become friends. You know each other on some level because someone or something introduced you to each other. Who are your good quality acquaintances?

Neighbors. Making neighbors your friends is great and practical. If you’re living in a rental or they're renting, you or your neighbors might not be there long. But if you both own, there’s probably more stability. It's better to have neighbors as friends than as enemies. Maybe you'll just be friendly. But if you find a friend or two in the neighborhood, that's great.

Classmates. Like family, classmates aren’t friends by default. If you can’t see being friends with them when you’re not required to sit in the same room or won’t be studying together, then it’s not going to work. But if you have things in common beyond your academic connection, a classmate can make a good friend.

Co-workers. This is risky. I generally advise keeping your employment life and your personal life as separated as possible, despite it being historically common to make friends at work. You don't want friendship interfering with business or your career advancement. If you’re leaving your employer and likely won’t be back, that might be the time to go ahead and make someone a friend. If you work for yourself, it’s a different matter. But don’t let “friends” take advantage of you for free work. If you trade work with each other, fine. But if it is one-sided on an ongoing basis, that’s not friendship. 

Church. Ideally, church (or your equivalent) will be a great place to make friends. Free men need to be careful, though. If you end up shifting so that most of your friends are from your specific church, that might be a sign you're in a cult. Be careful.

Hobbies, clubs, charities, activities, etc. Obviously, you’ll have a shared interest with the people you meet these ways. Just don’t expect that your interest and involvement will always align with theirs. Sometimes, people move on from these things, and that’s OK. Also, beware of the self-proclaimed enthusiast who seems to gripe more about your shared interest than enjoy it. Sometimes people should move on from something, but haven’t, and they’ll suck all of the enjoyment out of it.

Again, you might not need more friends. But if you do, some places to look for them are better than others.

Did I miss something? Left me know in the comments.

June is Coming

Wedding season, gentlemen. Maybe you’re scheduled to be the groom.

Maybe a man you care about is scheduled to be a groom.

Maybe a woman you’re "seeing" or "with" is expecting you to be her date for a wedding or weddings.

Obviously, the first situation is the most dire.

Running Game - Do Not Care

Running game isn't just about saving money, time, and effort. It is also about reducing "emotional labor," as the younger generations like to say.

Recently, a young man went to the front door of the house where his ex-girlfriend was. He ended up literally breaking in, and was immediately and fatally shot by the father of his ex. This was recorded on video.

Why was he so determined to gain access?

I don't know any the history of that relationship, nor do I know what personality or mental disorders he might have had, or his history of violence.

What I do know is that some people who have otherwise had stellar behavior have lost control of themselves when it comes to relationships, especially when there are arguments, disagreements, or breakups.

Why Romance Doesn’t Cure Dead Bedrooms

 

When a husband complains about a dead bedroom, chances are he will get advice telling him to be more romantic. Usually, he’s already doing that, or doing it in so far as his wife allows.

Sadly, it usually won’t cure a dead bedroom.

That’s because the reason she is rejecting or sexually starving him isn’t because of a lack of romance.

What does romancing a woman do?

• It signals his interest.
• It signals his willingness to back up his interest with effort and investment.
• It’s one of many ways to create a bond.

A husband has already done those things on an ongoing basis in extremely significant ways.

This isn’t to say a husband shouldn’t romance his wife. If she wants romance, he should romance her. Because spouses should do certain things for and with each other because the other spouse enjoys that.

A wife isn’t rejecting her husband because of his lack of interest, effort/investment, or bonding. If he didn’t have interest, she wouldn’t have the opportunity to reject him!

She’s rejecting him either because she already has a bond with him and figures she doesn’t need to please him anymore or she is trying to severe their bond. She is sabotaging their relationship. What she wants matters, what he wants doesn’t. She’s exerting control. Her motivations to have sex with him are outweighed, in her mind, by reasons to avoid sex with him, no matter how irrational her thinking. 

Some women deny this because they have a high drive. They insist the husband must be a terrible lover. But many women don’t have a high drive, at least not most of the time. There are husbands who are very romantic and great lovers and are still rejected so that they are having sex infrequently if at all. The average husband is more than willing to do what a wife tells or shows him she needs sexually. But she does have to tell him (sweetly/kindly) or show him.

This is not about women who have some condition or injury that has them in a lot of pain. Of course there are certain things they won’t be doing or won’t be doing often. This is referring to women who, for example, collect and store resentments and decide to punish their husband even if he’s a good man. Nobody’s perfect, and as that record of mistakes or wrongs gets longer and longer, his sex life suffers.

Sometimes, a husband and wife in a dead bedroom might have sex after romance. But generally, romancing a rejecting wife will not cure a dead bedroom. Nor will it that the husband takes on more of the chores.

It’s just one of many reasons more men are joining the marriage strike.

Is This How You Want to Live?

From a recent Dear Abby column, COVERING MY EYES IN TENNESSEE wrote:

I'm so disgusted. My wife has started walking around the house with no panties or bra, letting it all hang out, so to speak. Then she makes comments like, "Doesn't this look good?" I'm sickened by her behavior. I feel violated. How do I tell her to stop without hurting her sensitive feelings?

What a strange thing for a man married to a woman to write.

Why is he reacting this way?

Most men would LOVE this!

Is he gay???

Very, very strange.

Hmm.

What's going on here?

There Are Rare Circumstances in Which Using Daycare Is The Best Choice

People shouldn't have children unless they are prepared to raise them. Raising them means having them with a parent until they go to Kindergarten at age five or six, then having with a parent before and after school. School doesn't end at 6pm. Dumping a kid in daycare is almost always a result of choices.

A good daycare is, of course, better than being with an abusive parent, but even then, it would be better for the kid to be with grandparents or aunts and uncles.

Let's consider the other rare circumstances in which daycare is the best choice.

 

A) The other parent killed themselves, or abandoned the family (and there were no signs either of those was a likely possibility before making the children) and they're not paying enough support to allow the other parent to be with the kids; B) and there wasn't enough in funds or other assets and no way/time to work to avoid having to leave the children for work; C) and there's nobody else, like good, reliable grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc., to care for the child while the remaining parent is at work.

For 99 percent of the kids dumped in daycare, the circumstances weren't anything like that.

Unfortunately, there's no way to be certain the other parent is going to be around, present, and either able to care for the children well or provide enough income, for the duration of raising the children. People can try to set things up that way. They can try to choose wisely, treat kindly, and all of that, and have things like life insurance. They can try to only make children with someone who is already wealthy and set things up so the children will always be taken care of regardless of whether there is a death or the relationship ends. But most people aren't that wealthy, certainly not when they are 40 or younger, and there's no fail-safe way of ensuring things will work out. It's always somewhat of a gamble to have children, even for someone who tries to make the odds be in their favor as much as possible.

You can have a great life insurance policy on your income-earning spouse, and if they commit suicide you're SOL. Maybe there was no sign they'd do that when you had kids with them, but they suffered a trauma after you had the kids and eventually they did themselves in. Or maybe the trauma leads to them abandoning the family to live on the streets, jobless.

So, there can be circumstances in which daycare is unavoidable.

But "We want to live here, in this house, with these investments" or "I deserve my career" aren't those circumstances.

If you don't have children yet, think about these things very carefully.

Cause and Effect - Rejecting Your Man

Ladies, if you're married or in a relationship with a man in which you are expecting sexual exclusivity, it is important for you to know something in case you haven't picked up on it before or nobody else has told you yet.

If your man has a libido, and you sexually reject him, that rejection will usually have unpleasant consequences unless the rejection is very rare. What counts as "rejection?" It can range from repeatedly delaying or declining some form or all forms of sex to refusing to try things in which he's expressed interest. Rejection includes him not even bothering to ask/try because he has good reason to believe he'll be shot down. It also includes letting yourself go to the point he loses attraction, or picking fights or nagging to the point he wants nothing to do with you.

The consequences are likely to be one or more of the following, in no particular order:

1. He will be less motivated to do things for you. This ranges from chores you want done that he doesn't care much about to anniversary celebrations, vacations, and expensive gifts.
   
   
2. He will be less open with you about his feelings, desires, fantasies, and thoughts.
   
   
3. He will cut back on other forms of affection and intimacy. This might mean spending less time with you, less touch, fewer compliments, etc.
   
   
4. He will be irritable, grumpy, or snarky.
   
   
5. He will occupy himself or numb the pain with substances (food, alcohol, tobacco, cannabis, etc.) or more hobbies/more time on hobbies that don't involve you.
   
   
6. He will masturbate (more), and that masturbation will be likely to involve porn (visual and written), videos and images of exes or other people he knows, memories and fantasies of exes, fantasies of other people, etc.
   
   
7. He will get it elsewhere.
   
1. Ongoing affairs
2. Flings
3. Hookups/One night stands/Booty calls
4. Sex worker
5. Sexting/Video chat/chats/online forums/apps
    
8. He will leave.
   

He might not think "Because she won't do this, I'm going to do that." Maybe he will, maybe it will just be what happens without him actually thinking it through. I'm not saying these things are all right or justified. Nor am I saying you should do things you don't want to do. I'm not denying some men behave this way even if you're a great lover. I'm simply informing you of reality: men react in these ways to sexual rejection by a woman they expect to be their lover. Don't expect he'll warn you about these things ahead of time or tell you after the fact, even if you ask him directly. What's his incentive to tell you?

You might not care. You might have things the way you want them. But you're most likely delusional if you think there is no consequence you don't like when you reject him.
 
If you can't handle this, it might be a good idea not to ask for, or agree to, a supposedly exclusive relationship. Or, resolve to be a good, enthusiastic, available lover to him, because if you've picked a good man and you treat him right, he's not going to leave or go elsewhere, and he will do what he can to meet your needs and desires.

Fun With Statistics - Cohabitation

Cohabitation, or "shacking up," as Dr. Laura (and I) still call it, leads to marriage.

That goes against what Dr. Laura says. Shacking up is one of her main no-nos, in her countercultural preaching. She often rattles off a few statistics (which may or may not be current) to try to bolster her point.

And yet, if someone is a marriage seller, as she is, I can use statistics to point out that cohabitation leads to marriage:

1) Most people in our culture who marry lived together before they married.

2) Couples who don't live together are far less likely to marry each other.

There it is! CONCLUSIVE PROOF that living together leads to marriage!

Right?

Well, in fairness:

1) Many people live together but never marry each other.

2) "Couples who don't live together" includes all those people who are only couples for a few months and then break up; of course they didn't marry.

My overall point is that using statistics can be misleading, as I already pointed out in this post, "Thinking Critically About Cohabitation."

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'm not advocating living together unmarried with a romantic or sexual partner. I generally think it is a terrible idea. But more and more people will not marry someone unless they live with them first. To me, that's all the more reason to avoid shacking up, as I discourage most men from marrying and encourage them to stay free. Despite what Dr. Laura says, when a guy has his girlfriend living with him, it reduces his freedom.

Too Few Friends?

 

Supposedly, people today have fewer actual friends; too few.

Friends can be good for many reasons. They can keep you in check, give you feedback, back you up, keep tabs on you, give you perspective, open your mind, enable experiences, connect you to job opportunities, and so much more. Some people will say a spouse can do those things, too. I switch that around. A friend can do many things a spouse might do, so you don’t need a spouse, and unlike a legal spouse, you can get rid them without paying if they become harmful.

If you need (more) friends, there are many ways to find some. But first, who is friend material to you?

A friend should be someone you’re not ashamed or embarrassed to be associated with or seen with. They mean well for you and you for them. Your relationship isn’t based on one of you trying to get something from the other, other than companionship, emotional support, and good times. They are someone you can trust to a reasonable extent. They aren’t a bad person as people go. They are someone you might want to share a meal with, exchange gifts with, share experiences with, confide in, do favors for. While charity can be something one provides for a friend, a chronic charity case is just that, not a friend. Friends aren’t projects.

If they’re someone who aggressively assaults or abuses, steals, causes trouble for less than noble reasons, is a drain on your energy or finances, is a junkie or drunk, or is friendly with you because they’re trying to convert you to their cult or MLM scheme, that’s not friend material.

They don’t need to be the same race, ethnicity, religion, or political affiliation as you.

Think about what you’re hoping to find in a friend. Is it someone you can play games with? Watch sports with? Hunt with? Listen to music with? Try new restaurants with? Look for women with? Ride motorcycles with? Restore classic cars with?

This is assuming you truly want new friends. Maybe you’re already happy with how things are and you don’t have time for new friends. But if you do have time or can make it, and you think it would be good, then you can make it happen.

Think about that, and in another post I’ll write about where to find friends.

Is Fake Bad?

"Marriage is real. Porn is fake."

That was tweeted out by a Twitter account that is constantly warning people about porn.

The way this is worded implies a person's choice is to either be married or watch porn. Or, if we're being really generous, that their can put their energy into their marriage or they can put it into porn. The most plain reading is that marriage is good because it is real, porn is bad because it is fake. It's a contrast between the two.

We could just as well say:

"Work is real. Action movies are fake."

Media is fake. Even much of "reality" television, even documentary movies, are "fake" in the sense that they can't give a full view of reality.

Here are some other things that are "fake":

Why Your Husband Isn't Pursuing You

...Or is outright rejecting you.

Dr. Laura recently [this entry has been bumped up from August 2017] had a call of the day that was about a married couple not having sex. The caller was the wife and she wanted to know what to do. Her show's Facebook page linked to it, and many very revealing comments were left there.

Jamie's husband works all day and when he comes home, he is too tired for sex. What can Jamie do to bring the spark back?

Let's look at some of the comments: