Getting Married Was the Biggest Mistake of My Life

Marrying is the biggest mistake I've made. It's not even close. It isn't like it just beats out another mistake. No, getting married has turned out to be my biggest mistake by far.

It's not just that I shouldn't have married my wife.

I shouldn't have married.

There's no woman on Earth who should have been my wife.

If you think you're different than me, chances are you're not. Man, if you're considering marriage, even if you're set to get married later today, DON'T DO IT. Legally marrying burdens a breadwinning man with enormous risks and obligations with no guaranteed benefit. You don't need a wife.

And that's just the "successful" marriages.

Literally most marriages are failures. Most!

Guys: Read This If You're Thinking About Marrying

Quora has some gems. This is one of those gems. Someone asked "What is the brutal truth about life after marriage?"

This is a response from Chris Longford, "married for 13 years."

Sex can become monotonous, masturbation can become preferable at times, and cheating makes you feel horrible. 

I find studies showing that married people have more and better sex suspect, at least for men.

Children can be really annoying sometimes, especially while babies, and you will sometimes secretly regret ever having them (or having as many) and you feel guilty for having these thoughts. 

Yes! There will be times you think that you've ruined your life. For some, that never goes away.

You and your spouse will argue over absolutely pointless and meaningless things and the sight of each other will start annoying you due to built up resentment that neither talks about. You will not want to kiss your spouse passionately after a certain point, it becomes kind of like kissing a sibling. You still have sex, you just stop kissing. Except for the hello and goodbye peck thing.

This is optimistic. Some married people don't have sex.

But you become attached to your spouse, and of course to your children, and there are good moments also so you don’t want to leave. So you tend to be in a perpetual state of unhappiness mixed with what feels like odd contentment. But it’s really just fear of change or what your kids or parents or in-laws (or whoever) will think if you divorce. Plus, nobody likes to admit failure. And most of this stuff you’ll just hold inside and never tell a soul. While you smile for family photos and everyone thinks you’re so happy.

Still thinking marriage might be something you'd do?

There were a lot of additional comments at that link.

Last Minute Reminder: Don't Be A Fool on February 14

This is your last-minute reminder, to any men who aren't married.

DO NOT marry for Valentine's Day.

DO NOT propose for Valentine's Day.

DO NOT even see a woman who thinks you're going to agree to be exclusive, or live together, or marry.

If you're going to spend time with a woman on Valentine's Day, it should be a woman who doesn't know you, who is feeling lonely. DO NOT spend a lot of money. At most, share drinks with her.

You have been warned. Don't waste your money, time, or effort. Don't give a woman the idea that you're going to marry her.

Misleading Marriage Statistics

Let’s consider someone I’m making up, but represents no small number of real men: Guy Sontag. Sorry, if that’s your name. It’s a name I made up for this post.

Guy Sontag has been subjected to severe trauma and he has serious health problems. As a result, he’s miserable, struggling with his finances, and isn’t motivated to pursue sex. And as a result of all of this, he hasn’t attracted a woman who will be a wife to him.

Marriage sellers want you to believe that Guy is sickly, miserable, poor, lonely, and having no or little sex because he’s not married, as if taking on a woman in a secular state legal contract would make him happy, healthy, wealthy, and give him a great sex life. It’s the other way around: he’s not married because a man in his condition is unlikely to attract a quality wife who wouldn’t be another burden on him.

Also consider another man who just went through a bitter divorce initiated by his now ex-wife; there was no lawful way for him to have stopped it. As a result, he’s wiped out financially, he had to move and his life has been completely disrupted, he’s feeling awful, his blood pressure is through the roof, and he hasn’t been having sex.

Both of those men are in the very broad “unmarried” category in the statistics marriage sellers are using.

Don’t you think it’s a bit misleading to lump men like that together with men who are enjoying life, have their act together, want sex and know how to get it, and have intentionally avoided marriage and conceiving children?

There are many men in this latter group who are happier and better off than the average husband or divorced man. You can choose to be one; you have much more control over your life, much more freedom if you’re a Free Man.

The marriage sellers want you to think signing a terrible state contract will make your life better. But there are plenty of miserable husbands who don’t have the money for things they want or even need, are getting little or no sex and “mercy sex” when they get it, and have little control over their own life if they choose to focus on their obligations.

Signing a terrible state contract doesn’t guarantee YOU a better life. Instead, it assigns you costs and obligations you don’t need.

Don’t fall for the trap.

Stay free.

Preparing For Marriage

Recently, I saw a tweet about preparing for marriage.

That got me to think... How could a man prepare for marriage?

If you're a man who thinks you want to get married, either to someone in particular or "someday", take these steps to prepare:

1) Throw out everything you own. Give some woman who isn't a professional decorator or stylist total control over buying everything to replace what you had, using your money. This includes just about everything from clothes to furniture to your vehicle.


2) Beyond that, literally throw away enough additional money that most of your earnings are lost. 


3) When you're horny, take a cold shower or hide in the bathroom to masturbate. Pretend like someone is standing outside the door and you don't want them to hear you.

Annual Marriage Sellers Propaganda Week

February 7-14 is the week that marriage sellers have picked to be their annual publicizing of more propaganda than usual.

DO NOT FALL FOR IT GUYS! Certainly, DO NOT PROPOSE OR MARRY on Valentine's Day!

If you're not currently married, DO NOT let these people fool you.

There is no benefit to you to get legally married (or married again) that you can't get for less cost without legally marrying.

Marriage is a terrible state contract for most men.

Most marriages fail.

You can have an honorable, happy, fulfilled, full, productive, good life without ever legally marrying.

Something you're likely to see:

"Married people are happier."

For the purposes of this blog, I'm more concerned about men. Not "people." Our marriage laws and culture are gynocentric. Women get materially rewarded for marrying. Of course marriage can make women happy. (Don't be fooled, though. Women might like getting married, but many despise and resent their husbands, and don't really want to be wives.)

Briefly, because I've detailed this elsewhere, here's why you shouldn't infer what they are outright saying or trying to imply; getting married will make you happy.

1. Married men aren't always being honest or reality-based when reporting that they are happy. If they aren't assured their answers are anonymous and that their wife won't see their answer, if they don't want to admit "failure," if they think saying they are anything less than thrilled with their marriage would be a sin or a negative confession, they're not going to be honest. Most people in my life, including my wife, think I'm happily married. I'm not. But I don't let on (weekly therapy helps me keep the ruse going) because it would make my life worse if I did. I was VERY happy before I married. Unfortunately, I was ignorant and delusional enough to think I should marry.

2. Many of these husbands have no idea how much happier they'd be if unmarried.

3. Men told by their family, their religion, culture, etc. that they're losers if they're not married, and they've bought into it, are going to be happy that they got married.

4. Happier people are more likely to attract and keep a spouse. It isn't that marriage made them happy. They were already happy. If unhappy, they are more likely to get divorced and thus be counted as "unmarried."

5. Studies about this never separate out intentionally unmarried men. Rather, all unmarried men (divorced, widowed, shacking up, hoping to get married, unable to attract a wife, etc.) are lumped together. Men who have decided to be Free Men or have otherwise joined the marriage strike can be much happier than the average husband.

The other "benefits of marriage" can be debunked in the same or a similar way. Alleged correlations might sound great, but don't withstand close scrutiny. Again, these claims that marriage is of benefit to men never separate out men who are able to attract women, but have intentionally avoided marrying,

Feel free to link to, copy and paste, or steal shamelessly from this blog to counter the narratives you'll be seeing this week.

Married men are taller. Did marriage make them taller? No. The same goes for all of the other supposed benefits of legally marrying.

“But what about society? Doesn’t marrying help society?” Compared to what? Yes, if you’re comparing lifelong cooperative parenting compared to popping out babies with different people you don’t get along with. But those aren’t the only two options! And if you legally marry, you can’t stop the other person from ending it, thus hurting society, according to the same thinking. 

Here are just a few other posts on this blog that might help:

My Core Advice to Men

Why You Don't Want to Do That

Reasons For Men to Stay Unmarried

How to Just Say No to Giving Up Your Freedom

How to Keep Your Friends Free

You Don't Need a Wife

Reasons For Men to Stay Unmarried

You were not born with a wife. You don't naturally acquire a wife by growing up, going through puberty, and living out your life. You have DO a series of things to get married.

Being a Free Man is the default. Do not buy into the marketing that implies EVERYONE gets married. Marriage sellers don't want you stop and question, "Is this a good idea? How will this benefit me? How will this enable me to accomplish my goals? Is this what I really want?"

Watch out when someone says "You're being selfish! It isn't all about you! Stop with the 'I' and the 'me' stuff." Marriage involves a contract. Would you sign a rental or lease agreement, a mortgage or other loan, or an employment contract without being aware of what the contract does and if that contract had little or no benefit to you, while placing significant obligations on you?

Imagine someone from the government hands you a stack of papers and says, "Sign this."

And you say, "Hold on! How will signing this benefit me?"

And they say, "Don't be selfish! Sign it!"

Would you sign that???

No? Well, most men sign the state marriage contract anyway, although more and more men are refusing to do so. That's right. FEWER PEOPLE ARE MARRYING. You will be part of a growing trend if you stay the course as a Free Man.

See here for what the state marriage contract does.

So, it's a bad contract, and that's reason enough to refuse to sign it. "But what what about 1) marrying without the state contract, and 2) the benefits of marriage?" In many places (check with a local family law attorney!), the state contract can be applied even if you never signed one, depending on your actions. Also, prenuptial agreements and cohabitation agreements can be thrown out by judges. There's no benefit to marrying that a man can't get otherwise at less risk or cost.

In no particular order, and perhaps to be updated and expanded, here are the reasons for men to stay unmarried:

It's the default.

There's no good reason to marry.

Marrying shifts your power to the woman.

Staying a Free Man allows you to do what you want, when you want, how you want, with whom want.

You want to be free to make decisions without having to defer to someone else.

You don't want someone else's interference in your professional and personal (family, friends) life.

You want control over your own earnings and your own spending decisions.

Marriage Week Propaganda Incoming

 

Remember guys, don’t fall for the misleading media that will be trying to fool you into signing a terrible state contract.

Don’t fall for pressure from family or “friends” or church staff.

See this:

https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2025/01/february-is-fast-approaching.html

Minimize Hostility

Most women don't like men.

There are some who genuinely like men.

But for the most part, most women don't like men, even if they like what men can do for them.

Even women who like and appreciate what men can do for them might grow entitled, demanding, and then resentful.

Contempt and disrespect pervade.

What men do is never enough. Women in "committed" relationships think they settled.

Many men simply don't grasp this. For example, most heterosexual men are physically attracted to a wide variety of women, and like seeing a woman's genitals, even if he doesn't know her. Conversely, most women don't even like their own husband's penis and don't care to see it. There's a good chance even your newlywed wife isn't physically attracted to you.

Consider gays and lesbians. Most gay men, who have no interest in women sexually, do not hate women. In fact, they often have women as best friends. But a lot of lesbians openly hate men. Because they aren't attracted to any men, they have no reason to pretend to like them.

For most of human history, women depended on men directly. That's no longer the case. Women can earn money in white collar or service jobs, and have full access to financial services, asset ownership, etc. Gun ownership can physically protect her.

Even though women no longer need men, there are still "kept" women, far more than men. But even many kept women grow to despise and resent the men who provide their lifestyle.

There are women who prefer male bosses and/or like hanging around men. But that's not necessarily because they like men. In some cases it is because women are so bad to each other or because these women believe they can manipulate these men.

Perhaps nothing is more amusing to a woman than when a man gets hurt or injured.

 

Pay attention to how women talk about men in spaces and platforms that cater to women. Notice the advertisements that effectively appeal to women, and how men are usually portrayed as helpless, pathetic, stupid, ignorant, annoying, disgusting, etc.

In addition, women who appreciate men or at least their man can be poisoned by their mother, sisters, friends, media, etc. into being hostile.

What's my point?

My point is DO NOT BURDEN WOMEN. Respect their independence and autonomy. Stay free. Do not enter into a terrible state contract with someone who, chances are, isn't attracted to you and doesn't like you, or at least soon won't.


She Feels Differently Than You

Selling Marriage Because of Claimed Correlations

Marriage sellers claim that the problem with declining marriage rates include, among other things:

• Married men live longer
• Marriage matures people, especially men
• Unmarried women are dependent on government
• Unmarried women push destructive ideas
• Married people are more likely to own homes
• Married people are more likely to have more children
  

Assuming marriage does help men to live longer, and that's not certain, the longevity isn't the result of signing a terrible state contract or having a ceremony. It would be because of nagging to go the the doctor, and perhaps receiving care. But these things can be done without marriage. Why not cut out the "middle man"?

Likewise, women can be taught to avoid government dependence without making her dependent on a husband. Cut out the middle man!

As far as maturity, men and women can be encouraged to be mature without marriage. There are great, mature people who never married. So if you're concerned about maturity, figure out how to encourage people to mature even if they're not married.

If unmarried women push destructive ideas (a claim of Dennis Prager), perhaps it was their tendency to do so that have caused her to avoid marrying or caused others to avoid marrying her?

Married people are more likely to own a home because they're stuck. They don't have the freedom to move when they'd like. What's the alternative to married people owning the homes? Investors? So what's the difference to society? Someone's going to own the homes, and the owner has an incentive to take care of it.

I'm not opposed to there being more children, but what's really going on here? I've written about this already.

People are less likely to marry when they see that marriage won't improve their life. Fewer people are seeing marriage as worth it.

If you want people to behave a certain way, you just might have to encourage those behaviors directly, instead of counting on marriage to make people behave as you prefer.

This Is Not a Case For Getting Married

The marriage sellers are linking to "A Case For Getting Married" by Matthew Walther. It's at The American Conservative, so all of you who aren't conservative are already warned.

In the extended social circles to which I belong a great deal of agony surrounds discussions of the so-called “dating scene.” Men are so lazy and so childish, and just look at the icky things they tweet; women are impossible to approach, etc.

Guys running game often wait for women to approach them. Hot women hate to be ignored.

Right off the bat, this reveals something about the author, or at least the people he associates with: they are bad at dating, and so they are happy if they don't "have to" do it anymore. We hear the same thing from Michael Medved, who thinks all men are as hapless as he apparently was.

My own belief is that beneath all the other difficulties real and imagined is risk-aversion. The longer people wait to pair up in the hope of finding the “right” one, the likelier they are to become so settled in their habits—and so neurotic about the opposite sex—that no prospective partner will be capable of ticking all of the ever-increasing number of boxes.

So, don't grow into the kind of person who you are, give all that up to be molded by some woman who will likely divorce you.

The State Marriage Contract Is Bad

If you're a breadwinning man, the state marriage contract is bad. Some states are worse than others, but every state's marriage contract is bad. What it does is:

• Forces you to share your earnings; anything you buy with your earnings also belongs to her
• Obligates you to pay the lawyers who will attack you should either of you want a divorce.
  
• Obligates you to make payments to her no matter how terribly she behaves, even if she cheats on you and leaves. In some places these payments can continue for the rest of your life.
• Assigns paternity (financial responsibility) to you should she get pregnant, even if she was knocked up by cheating. If you WANT paternity, you can get it without being legally married.
• Makes her your default beneficiary (meaning, she financially benefits if you die). If you WANT her to be your beneficiary, you can do that without being legally married.
• Makes her your next of kin, so she can make medical decisions for you. Again, if you WANT her to have that power, you can arrange for that without being legally married.
• She can be placed on your insurance. That is of no benefit to you.
  

Legally marrying does not keep her around or faithful, doesn't provide you with love or honor or cherishing, doesn't provide you with sex or any affection at all, doesn't provide you with any domestic services. It provides you no benefits whatsoever that you can't otherwise get. It's basically a mechanism to move wealth and power from you to her, regardless of how she treats you.

Most men shouldn't agree to sign a state marriage license (contract) or otherwise enter into a state marriage contract (which, in some places, can happen pretty much by living together long enough).

A woman who asks, invites, or pressures you to agree to enter into such a contract is asking you to do something that's bad for you. That's not a loving thing for her to do.

A woman who wants to be a good wife can be a good wife without the bad state contract. You two can negotiate agreements, including legally binding agreements (such as for a joint account), if you want, although anything that would be legally binding should involve lawyers. This way, you can avoid or mitigate some of the terrible elements of the state contract. For example, you might agree that she can live in your place and you'll keep a certain amount of money in a joint account she can use, and you'll make regular contributions ("gifts") to a retirement account for her, only as long as you are on good terms. She'd have no claim or expectation to ongoing payments from you, half of any of your assets, or equity in the house should the relationship end. All that stuff has to be worked out with attorneys, and my best advice is never to live together at all, not to have joint accounts, and never let a woman get "accustomed" to financial/material support from you, but my point is that if a woman is willing to truly "take care" of you and you're willing to compensate her in return, that can be done without legally marrying.

Remember, you don't need to legally marry to:

• have companionship
• have dates
• have sex
• have a wedding ceremony
• commit
  
• share a residence
• share finances
• be monogamous
• have children

So reject the terrible state “marriage” contract. Keep your power, money, and freedom. 

Would You Get on That Airplane?

Dr. Laura often gets calls from people who have a minor child and these parents are engaged, in a relationship, dating, etc., or considering it. Dr. Laura will tell them that marriages in which there's a stepchild (that's what their child would be to their spouse) have a 70 percent divorce rate, and that the rest of the marriages aren't all happy ones. She says this to discourage them from bringing more chaos and conflict into their child's life; to tell them that their minor children shouldn't even know they are dating. Indeed, if they've married or shacked up, whatever the child is doing that the parent doesn't like will be attributed to this fact, even if children in intact homes do the same thing.

Concerned for the child(ren), she drives the point home by asking "Would you go on an airplane if it had a 70 percent chance of having a terrible crash?"

Of course the answer is no.

But what's the divorce rate for first marriages without stepchildren?

Marriage Sellers Should Start a Fund

There are many reasons people are on a marriage strike, whether they call it that or not.

One big reason is the enormous financial costs, limitations, and risks.

Marriage sellers, like Dennis Prager, Matt Walsh, and so many others, are extremely concerned about plummeting marriage rates. That means they should be motivated to actually do something other than lamenting reality.

Here’s one thing they can do.

They can reduce the financial negatives.

Create a fund. Pledge to cover at least the following:

• The difference between the income the lower earning spouse brings to the marriage and the costs they bring to it
• Marital counseling/therapy
• Family law/divorce attorneys, from prenups to separation agreements and divorces
• The lost income when a someone can’t take a promotion/job because their spouse discourages it
• Any lost income as a result of the spouse wanting/causing someone to miss work
• Replacement costs of assets lost in a divorce and reimbursement for relocation 
• Any alimony/support
• Reimbursement for paternity fraud costs 

This is just dealing with certain financial concerns. It doesn’t address loss of freedom, loss of sex when someone is expected not to have sex with others but is rejected by their spouse, and countless other reasons people are refusing to sign that terrible state contract.

Come on, marriage advocates! Put your money where your mouth is.

Offer this fund to someone reluctant to marry.