It's Prom Time Again

After dispensing advice to a nanny whose charge is emotionally neglected by her parent, Dear Abby brings us this in a recent edition.

UNDECIDED TEEN wrote, making me glad high school is a distance memory:

I'm a junior in high school and have never had any romantic experience.

Too many people perpetuate the idea that this is a problem. I sure thought it was. I had limited "romantic experience" and thought it wasn't enough. Kids are bombarded with the idea in media that everyone at that age is supposed to be in a relationship, or at least "getting some". Really, they should be focusing on their studies, hobbies, friends, and, as much as they don't want to – family. After all, they'll soon be out of the home. Any "dating" should be in supervised groups.

It wasn't a big deal when I was a freshman, but now as the prom approaches, I'm starting to get anxious about the possibility of being dateless.

Ah, yes. The prom is everything. Magazines and websites targeted towards girls this age, funded by advertisers, place a lot of emphasis on the importance of having a perfectly romantic (= expensive) prom.

My friend "Terri" says you don't have to have a date, but I am still skeptical.

Your friend is right. Heck, you don't have to go the prom at all.

Although it might be fun going with Terri and other friends, who am I supposed to share a slow dance with? I'd feel awkward sitting there while everyone else danced. And I would feel uncomfortable if a guy I didn't know asked me to dance.

I'm against fornication because it leads to dancing.

I love that joke.

Unless this girl has a moral objection to dancing, she should get over it. How else is ever going to meet and spend time with the all-important gay male friends? Seriously, she sounds painfully shy. She needs to know that a dance, as long as it isn't freakdancing, is just a dance. And if he tries anything, she should firmly assert boundaries, with a well-placed knee if needed.

Dear Abby finished her response with:

Unless you're willing to take some risks and put yourself out there, you will never get any romantic experience.

Yes. While some young women these days are way too immodest and aggressive, there are a small minority that put up every indication that they don't want any romantic male attention, claiming that God will make it happen. I notice these girls do lift the food to their own mouths though, somehow not trusting God to feed them the same way they are "trusting" God to bring them a husband.

This girl doesn't sound like she falls into either of those categories. She's simply shy, maybe because she hasn't had wholesome positive reinforcement, and perhaps has been focused on her studies. She needs female friends or relatives to show her how to handle these things in a way that will not be too uncomfortable for her, and some frank talk from some males in the family about that the guys are likely thinking.

I was very shy myself. It was a huge deal for me to approach a girl. It made it easier if she was a flirt or at least placed herself in a situation where it was easier to approach her. I had prom dates for both my junior and senior years, though, so I didn't need to approach anyone at the prom – I just had to make the initial approach of arranging for the date.

As for the horny boys who have gotten the idea from the media that the prom means guaranteed sex as long as they spend a lot of money, it is best for them to be disabused of that notion as early as possible, or it will cost them for years. It will be just as easy (if not easier) for them to hook up at an after-prom party without ever going to the prom itself. No need to shell out all of that cash and endure the hassle.

I do discourage underage sex as a matter of principle, but I don't think the boys who are going to do it should make the added mistake of wasting their money doing something they aren't really interested in doing.