Don't Waste Your Life Arguing With a Woman

Guys, unless you're in constant pain and sitting around doing nothing, life is short. Very short. If you're young, it may not seem like it, but it really is.

You can minimize the amount of time you spend arguing with women by making some simple choices:

1) Do not have kids. Do not give women your sperm. Get a vasectomy. Even if you plan on being chaste, or you plan to use condoms, or whatever you're thinking. It would be best, for most of you, if you got a vasectomy and got it tested at least twice. If you think you want to have children, can you give an unselfish, rational explanation why? Children need a mother and father in a loving, happy, stable marriage, and, chances are, you can't provide that.

2) Do not live with a woman. There's no reason to live with a woman. Everything you think you can get from living with a woman, you can get otherwise, for less risk and usually less cost. Living with a woman is costly and very risky, and reduces your freedom significantly. Women shouldn't even know where you really live.

3) Do not marry. Obviously, if you're not going to live with a woman you shouldn't marry one.  What we now call marriage is one of the worst things a man can do to himself if he has his act together. When a man marries, he loses, to a woman, just about any power he has.

4) Keep dating minimal. I'm not necessarily talking about frequency, but rather how involved the dates themselves get. There are still women who'll date you even if they know you won't marry them and you won't have children. However, there's really no need to even get to the point of that discussion. If you really do want to date, you can date women for three-to-sixth months each, mostly, which is the best time for a guy in a relationship anyway. You can keep dating them after sixth months if they're willing; just don't give them the idea that you want them to move in or marry you or have your baby. As I said above, they shouldn't know where you live. All "dating" should either be at their place, or an overnight rental or, if need be, somewhere out. If she starts to argue, leave. You don't need that crap. Really, try to say as little as possible on a date. Encourage her to keep talking, because anything you say can and will be used against you. Use Google Voice or some similar service to prevent her having your real phone number. If she texts or calls you to argue or complain or make demands, block her.

5) Do not sign paperwork with women. You're not going to live with a woman, so there's no need to sign a lease or mortgage or deed with a woman; certainly not to help her out. No way! Likewise, never co-sign on a loan with woman, or any kind of lease, or any contract (see below regarding work contracts). Don't form businesses partnerships with women.

6) Avoid working with women. Granted, for some lines of work, working with women is unavoidable. But if you have your own small business, you can more easily avoid working with women. Be sure to get everything in writing so that if you have clients who are women, everything is clear. Avoid being alone with a woman. If you must work where women are, keep all interaction with them to the most minimal professionally possible.

There's no need to waste your time and energy arguing with a woman, or listening to a woman complain or nag. If you don't give a woman control over your life, if you don't give her access to your stuff, if you're willing to and able to walk away or tell her "If I'm so bad, you should leave right now. There's the door.", it's amazing how much less arguing there will be in your life.

Life is short. Don't waste it arguing with a woman. Enjoy your life. And don't argue with people about your choice not to argue with women. Simply refuse to continue the discussion. If "that's private and personal, and I'm not going to discuss it anymore" won't suffice, walk away, hang up, block, whatever you have to do.

You Might Not Find a Better Relationship

Most relationships are NOT "happily ever after". They end or experience significant misery. Not all relationships are anything close to ideal or healthy. Some are abusive.

That all being said, we should never promise someone they will find a better relationship if they leave the one they're in.

They might not.

Does Marriage Help Some People Delude Themselves?

On Monday, January 17, 2022, Dr. Laura opened her program with a prepared monologue. Back in the day, the text of this would have been on her website, perhaps in a blog, but apparently she or her staff or contractor have decided not to do that anymore.

 

But I am able to listen and type, so I did.

Dr. Laura addressed one of her pet topics: Shacking up vs. Marriage. At least this time, she acknowledged how prevalent and "normative" shacking up is.

"Shacking up does not compare to marriage."

That really depends. I like to say that shacking up is terrible; almost as bad as marriage.

She went on to cite the Census Bureau to point out that shacking up has increased for 25-34 year-olds (that's too bad), and marriage has declined for the same age group (yay!).

She mentioned people seeing shacking up as  "a step towards marriage or the equivalent".

For some, it IS s step towards marriage. Some of them won't marry someone they don't first shack up with. For some, it really is the equivalent of marriage, or the closest they will get to marriage. And yes, some others are mistaken when they see it as tied to marriage. Different people, different situations.

"Shotgun shacking up is overtaking shotgun marriage."

Is it though? For any given couple it might be either shotgun shacking up or the kid having two homes to visit from the very start. I'd prefer, in most cases, the kid have both parents there.

"This is shocking and horrendous for kids."

Not if the parents behave well. Getting legally married will not make terrible partners/parents better.

She went on to try to impress upon listeners "the relationship quality gap between shacking up and marriage."

1. Married adults are more likely than shacking up adults to report... satisfaction

 

Dear Abby Prints Letter Misusing The Word "Addiction"

BROKEN-HEARTED IN OREGON wrote to Dear Abby:

For the past three years I've been with a man I believe is the love of my life.

Your belief is probably delusional.

Early on, he admitted to a porn addiction that has plagued him his entire life and sabotaged past relationships.

That should have been your clue to run. Not because he has the NATURAL enjoyment of seeing depictions of erotic situations, but because he called it an addiction.

But you didn't run, did you? Of course not!

"I can HELP him! I have the magic vagina!!!"

With my support, he began his first real attempt at recovery, which included a team of mental health practitioners.

What a waste of resources. And what exactly was her support? Nagging? Did she pay for this team?

His progress over the past three years, while not linear, has been tremendous. He's an entirely different person.

Right. Because the problem wasn't porn. Excessive viewing, if it was excessive, was a symptom.

I would describe our relationship as 90% joyful, 10% agony (he has had four brief relapses, during which he has said incredibly hurtful things to me).

Pixels are not booze or LSD. Whatever he said to you was likely the truth about how he feels or thinks.

A week ago, he had a difficult relapse and ended our relationship.

Sounds like he has more sense than you.

His therapist feels he needs to be on his own to focus on recovery.

That's two votes.

While I am devastated, I agree.

Case closed, then, right???

But I can't understand why he's giving up on us forever and making big decisions like getting off the mortgage on the house we bought less than two years ago.

Because he never should have been on that mortgage and he doesn't want to be with you. NEVER take out a mortgage with someone else.

He swears it has nothing to do with me, and that if it weren't for this addiction, he would spend the rest of his life with me.

He's trying to let you down easy. He doesn't want to be with you.

If his plan is to live alone, be single or celibate, and focus on recovery, why wouldn't he also pause on major financial decisions?

Because his plan is to do other women without having to hide it from you.

Why is he so completely done when there is clearly hope for recovery and reconciliation?

What are YOU addicted to? It's clouding your brain.

Yet another example of how supposedly exclusive relationships don't work out.

Is It Now Irresponsible to Have Children?

I'm not talking about overpopulation or carbon emissions or any of that dung. I'm also not talking about the world being a scary place. It has always been a scary place to some extent, at least since The Fall, if you believe in that sort of thing. In many ways, life is actually a lot better than at any time in (fallen) human history.

I ask if it is now irresponsible to have children because we're apparently unable to raise children within intact homes, with decent mothers and fathers.

My parents had twice as many children as my wife and I do, my father was highly dedicated to his career, and yet I think I hit the jackpot as far as having a good father. I compare myself to him and I find myself lacking as a father. I never got the feeling my father didn't want to spend time with me. Granted, I was very good at entertaining myself. Maybe my memory is skewed but I think he was far more likely to seek me out for shared activities than I was to seek him out.

That has carried over to being an adult. I like being alone. Just about everything I want to do at home is solitary. I know my kids need attention and want to do things with me, and if they ask me to do something with them I almost always agree and drop whatever else I'm doing.  But other than trying to get one to go along with me on errands so as to make brawls less likely, I don't ever seek them out just to play or interact for the sake of it.

I certainly don't feel like a good father. I see what other dads, some of them my friends, are doing and I just don't have the energy, time, or real desire to do it.

So I think I never should have had kids in the first place, between who I am and the reality of who my wife is.

If any one of the following is true, it is irresponsible to have children:

She Feels Differently Than You

Men and women are different. Even people still in utero can tell there's a difference. Only people who buy into the dung being shoveled by activists, including certain college and workplace programs, will deny this reality.

This blog and other sources have tried to explain to women that men literally think differently than them. We experience things differently from them in that our senses and nervous system and brain literally process things differently. But I've neglected to reinforce to men that, necessarily, the other side of that coin is that women think and feel and experience differently from men. Very few men truly grasp that and what it means.

A simple way of demonstrating this is unsolicited "crotch shots." I won't rehash that now. Click the link to see what I had to say about those.

But it is applicable to so much more of life.

Naive young men think, "I crave sex all of the time. I like everything about a woman's body. I like the look, feel, and taste of a vulva/vagina. I care about giving a woman intense orgasms and making sure she's satisfied. If she lets me know what turns her on and drives her wild, I'll do that.

"I like having her around. I like her approval. I like doing things for her in general. I like looking after her needs. I like solving problems for her and making her life better. Women probably feel the same way about men."

WRONG!!!

Women Despise Husbands

Women despise husbands. Not all, sure, but most. Actually, women despise men, but a Free Man is at least not paying a woman directly so that she can loathe him in particular, so that's why I am focusing on husbands.

Yet more proof of this was displayed for the world to see on Twitter recently (December 24, 2021).

Someone with the handle "TF1o1" with the Twitter address @NotThe12GAF asked:

Serious question: Where did this notion come from that all our grandmas & great grandmas was married and miserable?

Where did this notion come from they were diminished and oppressed by their husbands?

 

There were so many replies and quote tweets I can't take the time to quote more than a tiny fraction of them here, but scrolling through, these are typical:

Guys Need to Be Scarce NYE Through February 14

Guys, especially if you made the mistake of spending the November and/or December holidays with a woman you've been seeing for a while, you must get scarce RIGHT NOW, and do NOT resurface until February 15 at least. Do not spend New Years Eve with any woman who is thinking of you as potential marriage material.

Be "busy."

Be "sick."

However you do it, be scarce.

Spend your time with your parents, siblings, friends, hobbies, reading, watching movies and shows, whatever. See new women.

Avoid that marriage track. STAY FREE!

Riddle Me This

Explicit sexual discussion ahead. Skip this very brief entry if you don't want to read about sex.

A Guy Whose Marriage Had Even Less Sex Than Mine Does

There was a great call during the second hour of the Dr. Laura Program on Friday, December 17, 2021 (the last new broadcast/podcast of the year).

A man called up to talk about his current relationship, but as she often does, Dr. Laura asked him about his prior marriage.

He was raised a Jehovah's Witness (JW) and married at 18. Of course he did. That's how you can make lots of new JWs (start having kids early) and avoid having sex outside of marriage. However, there wasn't any sex. They never had sex. For five years. He never really got any reason to as to why (although, being raised with the idea that sex is dirty except when you're married can really do a number on people, especially women.)

This poor fellow was indoctrinated that divorce was a severe no-no, so he held on. Doctors said it wasn't a medical problem.

Of course he consulted his cult leadership about this. They told him to stick with his marriage and suffer. Of course they did.

Caller left his marriage. He ended up getting an annulment, but not before his (ex) wife tried to really stick it to him via alimony, but things turned out well in that regard (lucky man!!!) Even better, he left the cult through the ordeal.

Dr. Laura could have explored more about how the cult leaders handled things and how his family has reacted (not a word about that), and other fallout from leaving the cult. If his family members are still JWs, they are probably shunning him, unless the cult policy has changed. I'm pretty sure Dr. Laura didn't ask him because she has a friend who is a JW.

Dr. Laura did get to the caller's current relationship, and told him to leave it. Great! Hopefully the man will stay free. He should join the marriage strike.

DO NOT MARRY, GUYS!!!

The only way you can be sure not to choose unwisely is to not choose a wife at all.

Reminder For Men: GET SCARCE!

December and January are the months you should be avoiding any woman who is thinking of you as marriage material, is hoping to get a ring from you,is hoping to move in with you, expects you to buy her gifts or pay her bills, wants to introduce you to her family, expects to spend Christmas Eve or Day or New Year's Eve with you, or has asked, "Where is this relationship going? What am I to you?"

See other women, see new women, or don't see any women, but "be busy" rather than spending time with any woman who is trying to lock you in and lock you up. If she won't see you when we reach the second half of February, that's not as bad as having her planning your wedding or spending your money.

STAY FREE!!!

A Glimpse Into Married Romance

My wife and I take turns arranging for romantic evenings/days. These aren't very frequent, but we alternate anyway. Either way, I'm the breadwinner so it's paid for from my earnings.

This time it was her turn to plan.

Letter to Dear Abby Is Another Example of Why Not to Marry

Many women put in their dating profiles that they've "had their fun." Now they're ready for some sucker to who will be "dependable" and won't get the excitement her past lovers did. Consider what "CORNERED IN LOUISIANA" wrote to Dear Abby.

I am a 44-year-old woman who has been married for three years. We all have a past. Unfortunately, I made mistakes in mine that I foolishly mentioned to my husband when he asked.

I'd be interested in know how and when he asked.

I had a threesome in my early 20s, which I didn't think was a big deal because I was young and experimenting with my sexuality.

But it was a "mistake"?

He's now insisting on my having one with him.

Well, yeah. Nowhere is religion or morality mentioned in this letter. Threesomes are an extremely common fantasy for men, and this is widely known. Absent a shared religion or moral code that prohibits it, OF COURSE he wants a threesome.

He thinks I cheated on him because when we met nine years ago, I was still friends with the people involved.

Did he REALLY say it that way? If so that's ridiculous, but really... would you be OK if he was still friends with people he'd had sex with but he didn't tell you? And note guys, please note that when a woman say's "He's just a friend" it could mean that she's had sex with him.

Now, what he might mean is that he feels cheated because you were willing to do things (that he wants) with others that you won't do with him, the guy who signed on the dotted line and "layed down his life" for you, as Dr. Laura puts it.

I love him, but I feel like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. What should I do?

What does that even mean? Did you not enjoy the threesome? If you handled it right, it wouldn't be just about him. You'd enjoy it, too.

What should you do? Don't do anything you don't want to do. And he shouldn't do anything he doesn't want to do.

Men Need to Help Each Other But Are Allegedly Doing It Wrong

The Institute for Family Studies published an article by Canadian-based journalist, Ari David Blaff. It is headlined "Saving Men from the Men’s Rights Movement."

For most in North America, the word “Men’s Rights Advocate” (MRA) is synonymous with sexism and hatred. Members are seen as resentful guys projecting their poisonous hatred at a changing world that’s left them behind. That judgement is not entirely misplaced.

To me, "MRA" is almost as useless without clarification, as "feminist." What matters is what people MEAN when they use the term. But of course, the USA is misandrist and Canada appears to be even more so, so things that focus on men, other than to tell them to die in war, fund government schemes, sacrifice themselves in marriage, back up women in parenting, or otherwise serve women is seen as bad. What I call Free Men can be, and often are, happy, not wallowing in hatred at all.

December is Upon Us

Guy's it's here. This is the month that you must become (or stay) scarce to any woman who is thinking of you as a future husband. This is especially true if you're an American who didn't evade before Thanksgiving.

There are ads on television, radio, and websites/apps right now trying to get men to buy jewelry and automobiles for women. NO NO NO!!!

If you haven't done so already, you need to start implementing your holiday game plan. Hanukah, Christmas, New Years, and Valentine's Day are on their way.

There are two main considerations for you:

1) Dealing with family and "friends" who will be asking you (or pestering you) about your status as a free man. You now how it goes. "When are you going to get married?" Questions like that.

2) Avoiding spending those special days with a woman who wants to take away your status as Free Man, or will be expecting you to spend a lot of time, money, and effort on her.

This year has been different, due to pandemic limitations.

It's possible you either have maintained a roster and bullpen of women. It's also possible you have acquired more, even if just through online communications.

Whatever is the case, don't let the pandemic conditions cause you to do something foolish and start thinking there is "the one" to whom you should hand over your freedom. As much tragedy as there has been, the pandemic will ultimately be a bump in the road of life. Don't be so ignorant, delusional, or masochistic that you're thinking you want to be exclusive with a woman.

Be Thankful For Being Free

If' you're a Free Man, count that as one of the thing for which to be thankful as we Americans celebrate Thanksgiving Day.

All over the country, men, many of whom are beaten dogs, are spending a day or multiple days with people they can't stand because they were foolish enough to marry, propose marriage, live with a woman, or be "in a relationship" with a woman. In addition, many of these men have even paid for flights, hotel rooms, and other expenses to facilitate this.

Don't let that happen to you!

If you're in the USA, you should have already taken evasive action. If you're not in the USA, take evasive action before the next holiday!

Be thankful for being a Free Man, and stay a Free Man, and help other men stay free.

Are you free? Are you a beaten dog? Or, are you still blissfully delusional in your marriage, relationship, or desire to be in one? Whichever is the case, feel free to comment below to tell us about it.

They Can't Put Him Back Together Again

The jig is up, The horse is out of the barn. Marriage is dead.

Some people haven't accepted that, and desperately want to turn back the clock.

It can't be done.

There has been such a shift in our culture and it's not going to shift back.

What Marriages Does My Son See?

Over and over again, we are told that our sons will see how to be a husband by how we behave towards our wife.

What does my son see?

He sees that I work, I also do almost all of the chores and errands, and that his mother mostly sits around watching television and playing games, and spends a little time on a hobby. He sees that I get up every day, often early. He sees that his mom usually sleeps in. He sees us kiss, but he doesn't see his mother seeing me off, welcoming me back, or doing just about anything for me. When she asks him to do something for her that I would do if I was there, he sometimes tells her that she's capable of doing it herself.

So what about other marriages?

November Means American Men Must Get Scarce

Free Men, hopefully you didn't spend your Halloween weekend catering to a woman.

If you haven't done so already, you need to start implementing your holiday game plan. Thanksgiving, Hanukah, Christmas, New Years, and Valentine's Day are on their way.

There are two main considerations for you:

1) Dealing with family and "friends" who will be asking you (or pestering you) about your status as a free man. You now how it goes. "When are you going to get married?" Questions like that.

2) Avoiding spending those special days with a woman who wants to take away your status as Free Man, or will be expecting you to spend a lot of time, money, and effort on her.

This year has been different, due to pandemic limitations.

It's possible you either have maintained a roster and bullpen of women. It's also possible you have acquired more, even if just through online communications.

Whatever is the case, don't let the pandemic conditions cause you to do something foolish and start thinking there is "the one" to whom you should hand over your freedom. As much tragedy as there has been, the pandemic will ultimately be a bump in the road of life. Don't be so ignorant, delusional, or masochistic that you're thinking you want to be exclusive with a woman.

Dr. Laura is Wrong About Prenups For First Marriages - GET ONE!

Well, it happened again. [This entry has been bumped up from May 2018.] While I agree with Dr. Laura on so much, one thing I definitely disagree with her on is the issue of prenuptial agreements for first marriages. While she urges prenups for "second" marriages when at least one potential spouse has children, she is vehemently against prenups for childless people entering into a first marriage (people shouldn't be marrying if they have minor children).

A woman called in on yesterday's show (April 30, 2018) who sounded happy with her boyfriend, but when the topic of marriage came up, he stated he'd want a prenup. Dr. Laura told the caller (and, as a result, listeners in the same situation) to dump the boyfriend.

This is rare bad advice from her that she gives consistently.

Finding a match for marriage is difficult. The caller (or a listener) could be throwing away a perfectly good match and will now seek out a man who will be willing to sign really bad contracts. Is it really a good idea to enter into a financial partnership (marriage) with someone willing to sign bad financial contracts???

The fact is, the courts already have a prenup for you. It is based on family law in your state. You might as well be encouraged to come up with your own customized one before a marriage license is issued.

Getting a prenup is no more a sign that someone is planning for divorce than homeowner's insurance is planning for your house to burn down. We buy insurance and prepare in other ways for all sorts of things we hope don’t happen or we plan the avoid. Why let the state, which doesn't care at all about morality or how either spouse behaved, decide for you, when you can decide – somewhat – for yourself?

"Ah, but this is different because you can resolve to not leave your spouse and treat them well so they won't leave you."

Let's be real.