Success Sequence

Certain behaviors and accomplishments are associated with personal success, meaning that if you do these things, you are unlikely to officially be, or stay for long, in the designation of "poverty." Some of you, especially the older you are, haven't stuck to all of these things, but you can start. And if young people are able to adhere to these, they are likely to be successful.

Know Thyself - Knowing thyself will help you avoid wasting energy, money, or time, which is even more precious than money.

Avoid Crime - Serious crime puts you in touch with bad people, limits what you can do, subjects you to extortion, and makes it more likely you'll have to deal with expensive investigations, prosecutions, and lawsuits. It also tarnishes your reputation.

Avoid Substance Abuse - You've got one body. You've got one brain. Don't abuse it. That goes for alcohol, legal and illegal drugs, tobacco, and food. Substance abuse is costly financially as well as in limiting your choices.

Exercise - You don't need to join a gym. You can walk, swim, bike, play, lift heavy objects, do pushups and situps. Exercise may help you avoid or delay significant health problems. You don't need to exercise for two hours per day. But if you're not getting enough movement in while working, you need to do it on your own time. If you're not worried about being vulnerable, things like NOT looking for the closest parking spot, but rather parking far enough to get some brisk walking in, can help, as can taking stairs or steps instead of elevator or escalator.

Good Hygiene - Nobody wants to be around someone who smells bad or looks unkempt. Washing your body, keeping your hair and hands clean, taking care of your teeth are all important. Dental problems are expensive!

Build Friendships and Networks - Even if you're not religious, you should consider joining a religious congregation. Many don't require any formal process to get the benefits of networking, and with a wide variety (at least here in the USA), you can find something that doesn't turn you off. But that's just one way. Joining clubs, getting friendly with your neighbors, or any countless other ways to make friends can be help you.

Business Is Not Play - When it comes to things like employment, financial transactions, purchases, etc., get things in writing. Make sure you've read and understood anything to which you're agreeing. Know what's going on. Know your rights, entitlements, obligations, and options.

See Doctors - A lot of health problems will be much smaller if diagnosed early. Go to your doctors.

Develop Systems and Habits That Work For You - This goes for just about any area of life. Maybe getting your exercise when you first wake up is best for you. Maybe you're better off doing it just before you go to bed. Maybe you're not the kind of person to ever have a spotless house with nothing at all out of place, but as long as you have ways of meeting your obligations without undue waste (for example, wasting hours looking for one piece of mail), that's fine.

Get Educated/Trained/Mentored - Education may or may not involve college, depending on what you need. Maybe a trade school is what you need. Finding an older, experienced person, especially if they're planning to retire in the next five to ten years, to mentor you, can be an huge help. The goal here is to be able to earn (more) money. How you get there depends on what it is you're going to do.

Earn Income and Seek Better Paydays - Get a job, just about any legal job, if you're not getting the job you REALLY want. Getting a job or getting work doesn't mean you can coast. Seek jobs or work that will pay you better even as you already work a job. Do NOT feel badly that you will need to leave behind someone who hired you when you get a better offer. In this aspect of life, you need to do what is best for you. That's business.

Plan, Budget, Save, Invest, Insure - Until you're retired, you need to spend less than you're earning, and invest the surplus. You need to know how much you're spending on what. It's better to save up to make big purchases than it is to pay interest. Actual needs come before wants. You should have an emergency fund. Big purchases, like vehicles or a home, can only be done if you're going to be able to afford adequate insurance coverage. You should have growing retirement funds. If you want a home (meaning, your own building with dirt and a permanent foundation under it), you want to be able to put a big down payment on it if not buy it outright.

Stay Free - This is presented by marriage-and-family sellers as "Get married before having children." However, it's much easier to succeed financially if you don't ever legally sign away your earnings and don't knock anyone up. Do not co-sign for anything, do not have joint accounts or joint assets. Her name should not be on a mortgage, deed, lease, rental agreement, or loan for which you have paid or are making any payments. You can stay free either by running game or going to monk mode. When you run game, you keep dates to $40 or less. A free man can earn a lot less money and still be successful, because he only has to pay his own way through life. Do not marry.

Some economists and sociologists will tell you, or at least imply, that the items highlighted in green are enough for most people to rise/stay out of poverty. But the more of these one does, the better. 

As always, there's the "fine print." There ARE people who get a high school education, are continually employed thereafter, and don't have children outside of marriage and who stay in poverty. Also, correlation isn't causation. For example, the reason someone might not complete their high school education or equivalent is that they had a parent die or leave and they had to get a job to support the family. Or they got sick. And these things kept them poor. It wasn't that they didn't complete high school. Someone can do all of the things listed above, and some crime, some disaster, some illness, some injury can keep them in poverty.

Consider, though: Doesn't it ring true that if someone is able to do those things, it is likely they will stay, or rise, out of poverty? Or, to put it another way, aren't you more likely to be poor of you don't earn income, if you don't manage your finances with any awareness or planning, if you start cranking out kids with various women from an early age?

We have many examples of people who were in poverty but worked their way out of it. Their common behaviors can indicate how others can do it.

What Is A Real Man?

A real man is any human being who is:
1. Male

2. 18 years of age or older
3. Not fictional

Whether a man does or doesn't do any certain things you or anyone else likes or doesn't like has ZERO determination over whether he is a real man or not.

What is Running Game?

I'm not talking about sprinting.

Running Game is a way of dealing with women that reduces costs and risks while increasing sexual or personal success.

Running game works because of how women are.

A man who is experienced and skilled at running game will have just about as much sex/affection/company as he wants without spending a lot of time, money, and effort getting it.

Please note that running game is not about assault. It relies on consent.

Running game is how men become David and avoid being Rick.

Men who run game might be seen as jerks, bad boys, a--holes, cads, players, unreliable, aloof, arrogant, immature, users, selfish etc. None of that matters, because men who are running game keep their dating life separate from their professional life and the rest of their private life, and they get what they want. It's fine for a woman to hate him if he's already gotten what he wanted from her.

Running game can share some tactics with "pick up artistry," but the goal of running game isn't to try to find a girlfriend or wife, just a woman to date, and usually, multiple women, so that he has options any night of the week. Running game doesn't mean a man will get every woman he wants, but part of running game helps him to quickly sort out, and stop seeing, the women who will be too much work, or aren't going to have sex with him, or at least won't have sex with him unless he spends a lot of time, money, and effort on her. These women don't need to be wife material because running game includes avoiding marriage. These don't need to be women the man would want to introduce to his family, friends, or co-workers because he's not going to be doing that. They don't need to be accomplished or smart or even kind. They just have to turn him on, be willing to have sex, or whatever else it is he really wants, and not have certain red flags.

Running game often goes against what men and boys are told about women.

But it works.

I explain how in subsequent posts, most of which have the "running game" tag.

What Do I Mean By Free Men?

I like using the term "Free Men."

What do I mean by that?

For the purposes of this blog and related communications, Free Men are men who are free of legal and financial entanglements with women.

Ideally, they are also free of social bondage to women and do not have any dependent children, especially not children over which a woman has any parental rights. 

A Free Man is, at the very least:

• Unmarried
  
  
• Residing independently from women
  
  
• Without legal or financial obligations with women, such as a cosign for a loan or account, co-ownership of property or anything else of significant value, a mortgage or rental agreement, paying child support, paying alimony or palimony. A woman should not have access to your home or finances; she should not be on a lease or rental agreement with you and should have no ownership rights over any home you own. You should never impregnate a woman or donate sperm or in any way look after or pay for her child (such as with a single mother who wants to be your "friend" or girlfriend.)
  
  
• Unrestrained by any agreement to exclusivity with a woman

Usually, he's also going to be childfree.

This Blog Helps Others and Me

[This post is being bumped up because it is still relevant.]

Someone left a comment after this post about how most men don't need a wife and explaining how men can manage life well without one:

I wonder if your therapist knows about this obsessive blog or your preoccupation with such negative views. I really don’t believe this blog is healthy for you or your peace of mind (or your children’s in the long run). I hope someday you will find peace and your way out of this cage you seem to be trapped in. I hope God gives you the tools you need to do this and you can be whole, happy and fulfilled again. I’m sorry if this seems presumptuous but you open your life to interpretation when you wrote a blog like this. 

It seems strange that comment was left on a post encouraging men to be responsible for themselves and manage life well.

I appreciate the well-wishes.

I probably mentioned that I do this to my therapist, perhaps years ago. At this point I go to him because it satisfies my wife. I wouldn't even call it therapy at this point. But, my insurer covers most of the cost and it is time I don't have to run around taking care of everyone else at home. I do find writing this blog helpful and therapeutic in and of itself.

The comment doesn't bother attempting to counter anything I've posted on this blog. Like many others I get here and on Twitter, it is pretty much just saying "You shouldn't say this."

Why not?

What am I primarily doing with this blog?

1. Warning, preparing, and encouraging men for dealing with the world as it is. (And the truth about the world is the truth regardless of my own personal experiences.)

2. Sharing my own personal experiences.

3. Letting women see how men think and experience life.

Why would someone be upset by any of those? They can argue about the first and third. They can present a different perspective, cite facts that might appear to go against what I've written, etc. They can't really argue with my personal experiences. They can say they don't think they should be shared. OK. Why not?

It's fine for people to share their experiences that have been very different from mine. It's done all of the time.

For all three of those things above, mostly the first two, my perspective has shifted over time, so I am persuadable. I used to be a marriage seller. And I use to be deluded about my own marriage. The shift can be seen on this very blog. So if I have something wrong, show me.

There seems to be a segment of society that doesn't want the truth about these things discussed. Everything is supposed to be hidden. It's somehow wrong, according to some, for a man to be honest about his experiences or to point out the realities of today's world.

I don't agree. While not all truths need to be spoken in every place, at every time, to every person, the truths I present in this blog need to be shared, especially for men who are contemplating something that is going to significantly and negatively impact them for the rest of their lives.

Important Messages to Young Men - Life is Short

The introduction to this series is here.

Life is short, time is limited, and time is one of the most valuable things you have. It may not look like that now, it might not feel like it, but unless you die young, one day you will look back and marvel at how fast the decades went by. If you get an illness that takes you out earlier, you'll know even harder that life is short.

 

Nobody is guaranteed another day.

Everything is a trade off, everything has a cost, including with time. Actively spending time doing one thing will usually mean you can't spend that time doing another. Keep perspective on what's going to matter tomorrow, a month from now, a year from now, a decade from now.

Value your time. Learn to say no, both to yourself and others.

Avoid pointless timesucks. Rest, relaxation, and recreation are important, but avoid sloth or frittering your life away.

Look for ways to save time. For example, being familiar with trends and events in pop culture can help with socialization and certain lines of work, but there are certain reviews/aggregators of pop culture that give you what you might want to know without wasting your time.

Not all that is valuable is material. Experiences and memories thereof can be worthwhile.

Delayed gratification and saving for the future are necessary, but don't neglect enjoying the moment, smelling the roses, and rewarding yourself for doing well. There are choices to be made.

Most people need to do some things they don't want to do in order to get to where they want to be. Many people dislike exercising, but they like being fit.

Part of being successful is having to do things you don't want to do less and less, especially as you mature. A practical example is that someone who works smart and hard now might be able to take it easy when they're older, rather than having to continue to work in jobs they don't like.

One of the biggest benefits to having wealth and power is that, in theory, you can spend much less time doing things you don't want to do. For example, if you hate shopping, at least for most things, you can pay someone to shop for you. The downside is having to defend your wealth and power from those who want to take it away from you.

Keep in mind that if you're going to be a husband and/or father, and do those things well, those things place enormous demands on your time and you'll be spending much of your life doing things you don't want to do. Running game saves time when it comes to women.

Life it short. Be wise with your time.

I Keep Showing Reality

I'm active on X/Twitter.

You can write to me there, you can follow along as I examine posts that deal with topics I address on this blog.

I have some ongoing "tweet threads" there that are especially relevant as the marriage-selling push ramps up for the mid-February's horror scene.

Here's a thread on dead marital bedrooms and some other marriage "joys."

Here's a thread featuring marriages that ended, but not in divorce. Remember, divorce is only one way a marriage can end badly.

Here's a thread about the "joys" of parenting.

Signing a terrible state contract doesn't benefit men.

Get a vasectomy.

Don't marry.

Don't live with a woman.

Don't get financially entangled with a woman.

Stay free, men!

One Sign It is Time to Move On

Guys, most of you shouldn't be in a supposedly exclusive relationship, but whether you are or you aren't, there are signs that it is time to dump a woman or ghost her or never call her up from the bullpen again.

One of those signs is when you have to ask for her to do something sexually she used to do eagerly and enthusiastically without you even having to ask.

Running Game - Avoid Meeting the People in Her Life

Running Game isn't about building relationships that lead to alleged exclusivity, living together, partnerships, marriage, or co-parenting. It's about keeping things casual and keeping it no strings attached, thereby keeping it inexpensive for you.

So, you don't want to meet her friends, family, co-workers, or neighbors. She shouldn't have any children to meet. You might not be able to avoid meeting her roommate, if she has one. But this is one reason you don't approach women who are in groups; you don't want to meet her friends.

Why?

There's no upside to meeting them and there could be serious downsides. They will try to get information out of you. They might discourage her from seeing you. You don't want her getting the idea that you could be "the one" and will be integrating into her family and the rest of her life. You want her thinking of you as her hookup, her booty call, the guy she has fun with.

To successfully avoid meeting these other people in her life, you have to avoid dates that will involve any of them, and if she invites you to a party, get-together, family event, a trip, or some public event or expensive venue, you have to be too busy to do those things. In general, you need to avoid doing anything that doesn't get you two alone in private, anything that isn't like dropping by her place late at night. Any dates until you're doing that regularly should be at a bar or similar venue, with the possibility of going back to her place or a hotel room, but not your place. If, at one of those early dates, she's got her friend or family member there, you need to act like you got an emergency message and leave.

If she stops seeing you because, after you established this as a booty call situation, you won't meet her at her workplace holiday party or family picnic, so be it. Running game doesn't mean every woman will get it on with you or keep getting it on with you; it is about quickly filtering out the ones who won't or who are too much work or start withholding in order to make demands. So some women you'll have to drop or will drop you. That's OK. There are plenty of fish in the sea (there are always additional attractive women being grown and coming of age), and you don't need to give up your freedom, time, money, or energy trying to "make it work" with any given woman.

Gifts For a Husband and Father

NOTE: I meant to post this weeks ago. Even if this is too late for this Christmas, it’s still useful for other occasions, like birthdays, Fathers Day, etc. 

While this is written from my perspective, it can work for the man in your life who is a husband and father, especially if he’s your husband or your father.

The best gifts for me as a husband and dad are, in no particular order:

‪1. Experiences I don’t have to plan, will enjoy, and don’t require I be constantly looking after someone.‬ Maybe it a tour of a place he’ll enjoy? Maybe a getaway? A meal at a special place? A cruise? A sporting event or concert?

‪2. “Homemade.” This can be anything from artwork to food/treat; something you have reason to believe I’ll enjoy.‬ Custom ties, socks, undershirts, etc. can fulfill this. Something with the personal touch from the wife and/or kids.

‪3. Something I’ll enjoy/use but wouldn’t indulge myself by buying because I have responsibilities to my family.‬

‪Especially as a sole income earner, stuff I can and usually will buy for myself isn’t as good.

“Giving” your husband something sexual you used to do with him but stopped and only will do as a special occasion gift is insulting. You should be doing it anyway, if you can.

Conversely, if there’s something he’s wanted but you’ve never done with/for him before, initiating it as a gift can be great.

Watch Out, Men!

We’re coming down to the wire for Christmas, and New Years Eve will be here before you know it.

I’ve repeatedly warned you.

If you’re not married, you need to make sure you don’t do anything that gets you closer to being in that terrible state contract.

Don’t marry.

Don’t propose, even if you’ve bought the ring and have it all planned out.

Don’t be spending Christmas Eve/Day or New Years Eve/Day with any woman who you’ve been dating for a while who is thinking of you as husband material.

If you’re currently set to bring a woman around your family or go with her to see hers, disrupt that now! Cancel! Say something came up, maybe witb work or that there’s a family emergency or some drama.

Most marriages fail.

The terrible state contract brings you nothing good you can’t otherwise get for less cost.

It’s never been easier to thrive living on your own.

Reject the idea you need to subject yourself to a series of humiliation rituals so that you can spend your time, money, and energy trying to please an irrational, moody person wjo will, most likely, resent you.

Embrace freedom, peace, and autonomy.

Stay free, men!

Comment Here on Dating (or not) Women With Minor Children

There are so many comments that have been left on my blog's most popular entry that I'm encouraging people to comment here instead, so your comment doesn't get lost in the shuffle. The topic: I discourage men (and women, for that matter) from dating women with minor children. You might disagree with me. Maybe you have stories to tell. This is the place!

I urge people not to add chaos to their child's life. Don't date single mothers, or mothers of minor or dependent children!

And before you ask again, here is something I wrote to a widowed mother.

Disagree? Agree? Do you have success stories? Horror stories? Comment below! BUT PLEASE DO NOT USE PROFANITY (CUSS WORDS) in your comment or I probably won't publish it. This is acceptable: "That's bull****!" Writing out the word in full is not acceptable. No F word. No C word. No S word. No D word. You get the idea.

Rob and Michele Reiner

As far as I know, I never met the Reiners. I have no direct knowledge how they were in private, on a personal level. Rob Reiner’s politics, for the most part, were different from mine. Clearly he cared and decided to get involved.

What I do know, and appreciate, is his prolific and highly effective work in television and movies. While he was an accomplished, lauded, and influential actor and director, even just his work as a producer was more than most people realize, and has impacted our culture.

If his longevity would have been anything like his father’s, he could have still been contributing to entertainment for decades to come.

But now he’s dead at 78, and so is his wife Michele (68), allegedly murdered by being stabbed to death by one of their sons.

If current allegations are true, the murderer had been in substance abuse rehab at least 17 times, had been homeless at times, and was a difficult person.

Imagine all of the time, money, heartache, worry, aggravation, frustration, pain, embarrassment, trouble, and shame Rob and Michele Reiner spent or endured over the last 20-30 years, trying to help their son. Imagine it ending with the terror, horror, and pain of being stabbed to death.

As of this writing, I don’t know what Nick’s defense narrative will be. A possible angle will be akin to another local case of double parental murders, the Menendez case: trashing dad as an abusive monster.

Think about this the next time someone insists the childfree will regret not being parents: Rob & Michele Reiner are unavaible for comment.

Also, despite this being Rob Reiner’s second marriage and second marriages with step kids in the mix, like this one, have a 70-percent divorce rate, this marriage didn’t end in divorce and won’t be counted in the divorce statistics. Divorce is just one way a marriage can end badly; this way was even worse.

Free men have a ZERO percent chance of being divorced or being murderered by their child.

Was It Really Wasted Time?

There are women who look back on a marriage or relationship that ended and they say something like "All those years, wasted!"

Especially if she was happy, enjoying herself, or feeling that her needs were met for most of that relationship, what does she mean that those were "wasted" years?

If her only goal was to have the man be with her into old age and then for him to die on her or outlive her, sure, it was wasted, if you dismiss that being with him helped her prepare to be with someone else - someone she wouldn't meet or wouldn't have dated before.

Or, if her only goal was to have children and she didn't because he couldn't, wouldn't, or she didn't think he'd make a good father, and now she's too old, sure, it was wasted, if you think she definitely would have had children with another guy, which we can't know with certainty.

But what about the companionship? The attention he gave her? All of the good times they had together? Things he did for her? For that all to be a waste, it means she didn't and doesn't value those things. Men, stop spending time, energy, and money on a woman who doesn't appreciate it!

The "wasted years" comment, upon careful consideration, sounds like ingratitude in most cases. An exception would be if we know for certain (and how can we) that she would have had a better time with someone else. It makes sense if she's saying "Bob, who I'm with now, wanted to date me, but I was busy with that jerk Joe!" Understand though, that her statement that she "wasted" those years is about her, not Joe. It was her choice.

Guys, if you're looking for an ongoing relationship, be very careful about a woman who says a past relationship was "wasted" time, unless she can explain how without sounding like she doesn't value affection, experiences together, gifts, etc. If you're just looking for dates and not a relationship, then be one of those guys she will say she wasted time with... just don't waste too much of her time. Keep the dates are short as you can!

Women, are you wasting your time? Does the journey matter, or only the destination?

Don’t Make NYE More Costly

 

Guys, I’m warning you again, with New Year’s Eve almost here:

DON’T MARRY.

Do not propose.

Don’t ring in the New Year with a woman who is likely thinking of your as husband material.

It’s not too late to call off those plans, even if you’re reading this on the 31st.

Save your money. Don’t be spending it on trying to impress a woman or to pay for her entertainment.

Nights like NYE are nights you should either be with buddies, or with your parents/siblings, or with a “new” date who is sad she doesn’t have a boyfriend, fiancé, or husband ringing in the New Year with her and will look to make it a fun night with you.

Exiting a Relationship With a Single Mother or a Childless Shack Up

Introduction

So you've either been woken out of your stupor or the slow-building discontent has finally become too intense, and you're ready to get out of your relationship with a single mother or a childless shack up. Being with a single mother* or living with a woman brings all sorts of complications and risks. So depending on how deep you're in, there are going to be different considerations.

Men who are NOT in such relationships should read this, too, to be informed about just how much trouble being in, and getting out of, such relationships can be, so they'll be motivated to avoid them.

How deep are you in?

If you married this woman (which would mean she's not a single mother anymore) and made a baby or babies with her, that's the worst of all scenarios, especially if you have adopted her children. Unless she is abusing you or the kids, the the best thing for the children is usually to stay put and be polite and as pleasant as possible until the youngest child is 18. The problem with that, is, in some places, like the state I live in, being married for ten years or "close enough" means you'll be paying lifetime alimony to her. The bulk of this entry is addressed to guys who haven't married the woman and haven't legally adopted her children.

You need an exit plan for your own self-preservation. If she or anyone else accuses you of not being a "real man" or that you're somehow lesser because you don't want to put up with mistreatment or someone else's responsibilities any more, just let it roll off your back. Who cares what they say? This is what they're saying, when you get right down to it. "You should spend your time, money, and energy doing things for me/her so I/she can spend  more of my/her own time, money, and energy on my/herself." She might cite things she does for you, and even if she does do those things, it doesn't matter. You're not obligated to stay with her, and you can either get by without those things or get them for a lot less money, time, and effort, or with someone who is more compatible with you and brings fewer negatives to the situation. You may have some emotional discomfort over the breakup, but that would fall entirely in the realm of normal, because the relationship became familiar to you and part of your routine. The discomfort will go away and it is better in the long run to be out of that relationship.

Dennis Prager, Devout Christians, and Divorce

As I've pointed out before, Dennis Prager is not a hypocrite on divorce. His critics love to point out he's been divorced twice (so far), but Dennis has never said people shouldn't divorce. He does say people should marry and that if it is miserable or the contract, as he sees it, isn't being upheld, they should divorce (so they can marry someone else).

The problem is, the company for which Mr. Prager, a believing Jew, primarily works in radio, Salem, is a Christian company, quite aligned with Evangelicalism. While it still happens a lot, divorce is strongly discouraged in Evangelicalism and it is looked down upon. Mr. Prager says he doesn't understand why it is looked down upon and discouraged. Evangelicals and similar believers cite Jesus' words in the Bible (Matthew 5:32 and 19:9) that divorce is only permitted in the event of "marital unfaithfulness" or "sexual immorality" depending on which translation is being used. In this case, "marital unfaithfulness" is referring to sexual matters, not simply being a bad spouse. What exactly is entailed in "sexual immorality" is debated, although Evangelical leaders will usually (publicly, if not in personal behavior) define that as "having sex with anyone other than your spouse, including threesomes and swinging with your spouse, and looking at porn."

When Marriage Sellers Make One of My Points For Me

The Institute for Family Studies, despite being, overall, a marriage seller, is the gift that keeps on giving. There was another round of trying to convince people they're better of having less sex and less sexual variety. Let's take a look at this graph:


 
That graph was used to try to show people that sexual abstinence before means your marriage will be much more stable.

Look closely,  though. Even the best category shows that more than 55 percent of married people in that category believe their marriage may be in trouble of ending. Remember, this is from an organization that is promoting marriage. A minority of married people think their marriage is "very stable."

Do you want to get into a terrible state contract in which, most likely, you will be worried that you are facing what some men call "divorce rape"?

It gets "better," though. Let' look at the next graph.



According to this, 78-80 percent of married people who "saved sex" are NOT very satisfied with their sexual relationship. Sure, the point they were trying to make - that it's even worse for those of you who've had two or more partners - is true... so don't bother to marry!

Why bother to sign a terrible state contract if those are the odds?!?

When someone implies or outright says that "saving sex" for marriage will mean your marriage will be stable, without fear of it ending, and that your marital sex life will be very satisfying, they are ignoring that for MOST people who marry under those circumstances that's not true! Even just the data from which these graphs come indicate there are many married people who are very dissatisfied with their sex lives, including people who "waited". Those people, and the trade offs and risks shouldn't be ignored.

To be fair, there may be studies that show relationship stability and sexual satisfaction rates are even lower for people who aren't married. That's a "cart and horse" thing, meaning it could be that if people don't think their relationship is stable and the sex isn't great, they're less likely to marry.

But yet again, I must point out that these studies and surveys never distinguish intentionally free men who run game to find out how stable their lives are and how satisfied they are with their sex lives. There are men who are loving life and thriving free of a supposedly exclusive or marital relationship, and some them are also very happy with their sex life.

More Fun With Statistics - Body County and Marriage

Men! Don't Ruin A Woman's Life By Marrying Her!

Haven't you noticed how miserable husbands make wives?

Wives constantly complain about their husbands.

They complain about their husbands to the husbands. They complain about their husbands to their therapists and counselors. They complain about their husbands to their family. They complain about their husbands to their neighbors. They complain about their husbands to their friends. They complain about their husbands on social media. They complain about their husbands on daytime television gabfests. They complain about their husbands in so many television advertisements.

And there's so much to complain about.

According to reports, husbands create an extra seven hours per week of housework for their wives!

You can also find lists of common complaints wives have, like this one.

1. “He never helps around the house.”

So he causes her to have more housework and he doesn't help!

2. “He plays too many video games.” Or something like fantasy football.

Don't burden her with your frivolity, guys. Don't marry her so she doesn't have to see it.

3. “We have the same arguments every day.”

How dare you not just go along with whatever she wants today, guys? If you don't marry her, she won't have to argue with you.

4. “He drinks too much.”

She shouldn't have to see that, guys. Stay unmarried and go drinking with your buddies.

5. “His family drives me nuts.”

Don't give her in-laws to deal with by marrying her, guys.

6. “He brings too much junk food into the house.”

If you're not living with her, you won't be bringing junk food into her house.

7. “He doesn’t know anything about the kids.”

Don't bother her by being around but not knowing the details, guy!

8. “He always wants to have sex.”

Guys, how can you ruin her life by wanting to sex with her so much? Stay unmarried so you can divide your advances among multiple women. And you're not good enough in bed.

9. “The credit card statement is always a surprise.”

You're buying stuff without her approval?!? Don't marry her and she won't get the credit card statements.

10. “A little appreciation would be nice.”

Men, don't marry her and prevent all those other guys from expressing their appreciation for her. Half of your income is NOT demonstrating enough appreciation. You don't show your appreciation, you don't romance her. Let her be romanced and pursued by better men than you.

Husbands do everything wrong! Even your sense of humor becomes less effective once you are a husband. So don't be a husband.

Husbands often don't earn enough.
Husbands often spend too much time at work.
Husbands are too whiny and dramatic when they get sick.

So don't be a husband. Don't marry a woman and ruin her life.

Wives are far more likely to file for divorce than husbands, clearly because husbands are so likely to be burdens on her, and women have so many complaints about their ex husbands.

DON'T DO THAT TO A WOMAN. Be a nice guy by saving her from the hassles and drudgery and annoyances and burdens husbands bring by NOT marrying her, and NOT moving in together. Otherwise, her sighs might give her breathing problems, and eye rolls might give her vision problems.

Show that you respect her, especially as an equal, by honoring the fact that she doesn't need a man, that she can do everything you can do, that she can do it on her own, and that she's strong and independent, by NOT becoming a husband.

DON'T RUIN A WOMAN'S LIFE BY MARRYING HER.

Now, she might still want a wedding. But what is it she really wants? She wants a series of parties that she plans and controls and that are about her. If you want to give that to woman, you can mark a birthday of hers with a series of such parties, and if you really want, you can gift her a diamond ring and a nice vacation, too. You can do that and pay for all of that and you can do it without becoming a husband.

Porn Panic From the Right

Dennis Prager talks about panics from the Left. Here an example of panic from the right, as expressed in two essays, which are very much like countless other essays and commentaries throughout the years.

"Susan" wrote on her blog at the URL https://thesparrowshome.com/pornography-is-destructive/ under the title "Hugh Hefner, Dennis Prager, and the Destructive Nature of Pornography" in October of 2017:

Hugh Hefner died last week. While I don’t revel in his death, the phrase ‘good riddance’ did cross my mind.  Hefner contributed heavily to bringing pornography to the mainstream, making it more easily accessible and normalized. Grieving his death never entered my mind.

If it hadn't been him, it would have been someone. Have you ever taken a real art history course? Or seen early movies, before the "code" days?

Continuing To Make Our Point For Us

I posted this, about an essay claiming to give "Five Reasons Your Wife Doesn't Want Sex."

I pre-emptively wrote:

We already know why.

Either she doesn't want it or she wants to punish or manipulate us.

And later, in conclusion:

OK, so the essay tells men all of these hoops they have to jump through, all this additional effort to put in, and that mothers are going to want sex less. And yet, it is AMAZING how far more women want to have more sex with free men, including guys they hardly know and who hardly know them, and that includes mothers. Plenty of women with children are banging every day, acting like they're in the circus act or a sexual stunt show. They even seem to be enthusiastic about it, eager to go whenever and wherever. That includes women in their 40s and 50s, with guys who haven't jumped through a bunch of hoops.

Maybe it's because they feel like they have to? Whatever the reason, clearly women can be sexual at a high level; it's when the man has signed a terrible state contract, and especially when he's has a child with her or as many more as she wanted, that things change.

Learn from this, guys. You like sex? You want a robust sex life? If that's important, get a vasectomy. Believe women. Move on when a woman is clearly no longer feeling it for you. Don't burden her! Move on to a woman who wants you. Consider running game. Don't marry. Definitely stay free.

A comment has been left that backs up my point:

Clearly written by a man only concerned with the primal urges of his penis! Ladies, Move On! This type of man is not worth your time nor energy and most probably is diseased from his many exploits. Double full body rubber required should you decide to allow him into your body. Disgusting!

Pay attention, guys! Notice she didn't dispute anything I wrote. Rather, she falsely accuses me of 1) having a disease, and 2) only being concerned about my penis. Neither is true, but notice that if you want a healthy sex life, you are presented as being a problem.

So again, men, stay free. See women who either want you, or are still convincingly pretending to. When they are done pretending or their minds/feelings change, you can move on.

Stop! Don't Propose! Don't Marry!

Guys, if you're thinking about proposing as a holiday surprise or just because you think it is a romantic time of year to propose, DON'T DO IT. If you are thinking about getting married, like many people do on New Year's Eve, DON'T DO IT!!! Don't propose on Christmas Eve or Christmas. Don't propose or marry on December 31. Don't do either on Valentine's Day. DO NOT DO IT!!!

Odds are, proposing is/was a mistake. This is a statistical fact.

Consider:

1) 33-40% of first marriages end in divorce. It is well over 50% for second marriages (70% if stepchildren are involved).

2) Enough of the other marriages are problematic enough of the time that literally, between divorce and "bad" marriages (including marriages that effectively end but don't legally divorce, or in which one spouse dies or is killed by the other before divorce could take place) most marriages are a mistake.

3) On top of that, add in the engagements that don't make it to marriage that end with drama and/or bitterness.

So, statistically, proposing is a mistake, a very big mistake.

Christmas With or Without Family

Well, here we are again.

If you’re reading this in time and about to give your girlfriend a ring or some other expensive gift….

STOP!!!

Don’t do it.

If you’re planning to get married on NYE or anytime soon, CALL THAT OFF!

Are you visiting family with your fiancée or girlfriend? Or visiting her family? I’m sorry. How much is that costing you? It will cost you even more if you marry.

Most of you unmarried men shouldn’t have a woman with you and you shouldn’t be going anywhere with a woman. MAYBE, if you’ve been together for many years and she understands you’re never subjecting your relationship to a terrible state contract AND she treats you extremely well and you have good reason for the family visits, then it’s OK. But that’s rare.

Otherwise, this is the time of year you should be enjoying your alone time, your friends, your parents/siblings/extended family, and running game with women who don’t have reason to think they’re going to be your wife soon, as I’ve repeatedly advised: https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2022/11/dont-let-holidays-lead-to-less-freedom.html

If you’re free, embrace it. Don’t let anyone shame you or pressure you. If your family or friends or your friend’s ball & chain start in on it, shut them down: https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2012/10/why-arent-you-married.html

There’s nothing wrong with being free, and for most men, it’s the best way to live.

If you are engaged…

…don’t spend any more than absolutely necessary and plan your escape. DON’T MARRY: https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2023/01/breaking-engagement.html

If you have a girlfriend…

…DO NOT PROPOSE. Keep things as inexpensive as you can and plan your return to freedom: https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2023/01/how-to-break-up.html

If you’re married, but childfree and less than ten years in, think about all the trouble and expense of trying to keep your wife happy, and seriously consider getting out before the ten year mark. Don’t knock her up!!! Make the New Year the one you turn towards freedom.

If this is a hard time of year for whatever reason, I’m sorry. You’re not the only person going through that; you’re not alone. You can always comment below, anonymously, to express yourself.

If you’re spending this time alone and you like that, good for you! If you’re free and you don’t want to spend the time alone but don’t have family you can go to, consider asking friends over or meeting up with them.

The New Year can be a great one. It’s mostly in your power.

Get free.

Stay free.

Embrace the free life.

A Thought About Regrets

 

You go to buy an automobile. Ads, experts, news stories citing studies, brochures, maybe even friends and family all tell you it’ll be a great purchase.

While you’re at the dealer, you can’t help but overhear a woman, having her car serviced, talking on her phone and it becomes clear her teen daughter is pregnant and in no position to be a mother. You and your spouse strike up a conversation with the grandmother to be, and long story short, she lives in your neighborhood and you end up adopting her newborn grandchild. You always wanted a child, and were having trouble becoming a parent, so you’re happy to adopt.

The automobile purchase turns into a disaster. The vehicle has problems and causes you a lot of grief; years of it. The vehicle needed constant work. The dealer changed terms, turned out to be shady, just a whole bunch of problems. You have to get lawyers involved. In the end, you end up without the use of the vehicle, which cost you a lot of money you’ll never get back.

The vehicle purchase was clearly a mistake, right?

The vehicle was a failure, right?

You regret purchasing the vehicle, right?

You don’t regret adopting the child, and going to that dealer to buy that vehicle was how you ended up adopting that child. But you could have met that woman and adopted the child without purchasing the automobile.

What’s my point?

 

Some people don’t want to publicly admit their marriage was a mistake or that they regret it, if they've divorced (or are still legally married but miserable in the marriage), because they have children from that relationship and they don’t want those children to be hurt. But they could have had those children without marrying. Saying “I wish I hadn’t married” or “I wish I hadn’t married that person” does NOT mean “I wish I didn’t have my kid.”

It’s absurd when you think about it. “I entered into a bad financial deal and things fell apart, but I don’t regret it!” Of course you regret it. You might be happy you have your child, but you regret that marriage.

Remember that statistics about marriage and divorce often include people unwilling to admit they regret marrying, or that marrying was a mistake. Remember that some people who tell you they don’t regret their marriage(s) aren’t being honest with you, and maybe themselves. Some think “Well, I’d never say I don’t want my kid, so I can’t say I regret marrying.” But they can. Also, some do regret having children, too. That’s too long to get into in this post.

Don’t sign a terrible contract, guys. And don’t let the state apply one (common law) to your relationship. Stay free!

How to Keep Your Friends Free - Prevention

I have a habit of writing some really long entries, but I'm going to try to post some things as series instead, to keep them from getting too long. With that in mind, I'm starting a series about how Free Men can keep their friends free. Even if you're not a Free Man, you can use some of these tactics to help other men stay free.

The best way to help other men stay free is through PREVENTION. Helping them from getting into a mess in the first place is the ideal. It's best to do things proactively and prophylacticly, BEFORE he gets into an exclusive relationship.

Here's how.

• Point out to each Free Man (especially young men) in your life why he doesn't want to climb down that ladder, down into that pit in which a woman will have more and more control over his life.
  
  
• Point out that legal marriage is a bad deal for most men, most marriages fail, and men can have happy, full, productive lives without ever legally marrying.
   
• When these guys aren't in "exclusive" relationships, point out the benefits to them of being a Free Man and why they wouldn't want to give that up.
  
  
• When he's doing something he enjoys, with or without you, point out how he either wouldn't be able to do it or do it the way he wants, or it would cost him a lot more, if he was tied down to a woman, especially with kids.
  
  
• Point out that being a Free Man is our default state, and even marriage-sellers say marriage is hard work and takes a lot of compromise and sacrifice. 
  
  
• Point out to him how a newlywed woman butches up and blimps up. There will be examples in his life and in media.
  
  
• Point out that women use sex as a loss leader and do "bait and switch" all of the time. They are on their "best behavior" during early dating because they are trying to lock him in. Things will never be better with a woman than the first 3 to 6 months. 
  
  
• Point out examples of men suffering because they gave up their freedom and autonomy. They can be men you know or men in the news. Point out the beaten dogs, the emasculated guys, the ones whose balls are in their purse of the woman who owns him. Point out when guys waste their lives arguing with a woman. Point out the men who've been or are being put through the wringer in divorce.
  
  
• Point out that a Free Man gets to control his own calendar/social schedule, and how his money is spent.
  
  
• Point out that he doesn't need a girlfriend, and he certainly doesn't need a wife.
  
  
• Encourage him to avoid dating just one woman, and to avoid giving a woman the impression he's only dating her, and to avoid seeing any given woman more than once per week.
  
  
• Debunk the misleading marriage-selling statements he might hear, like the one about the sex in marriage being more frequent and better.
  
  
• Discuss Red Flags with him.
  
  
• If a woman he's dating is giving him grief, is too much work, or possessive, point out that there are plenty of other women and he doesn't have to date her.
  
  
• Frequently get together, whether at home or wherever else, to enjoy doing things as Free Men.
  
  
• Share with him the tactics you find helpful for staying a Free Man. For example, encourage vasectomies. Encourage having a holiday season game plan.
  

Of course, you can send him whatever entries and pages from this blog you find helpful.

If you have other tips you think should be added, comment below.

This entry turned out to be long anyway, and it might get longer still. In the next installment of this series, I plan to write about what to do when he's getting into an "exclusive" relationship or already is, and might be heading for the marriage trap.

UPDATE: Here's the Intervention entry in this series.

UPDATE: Here's the Recovery entry in this series.

How Many Other Husbands Live Like This?

This past Friday, June 17, 2022, during Hour 3 of the Dr. Laura Program, she took a call from a man who has been married for over 30 years. He and his wife have no kids. 

He has been very frustrated because they only have sex once every month or two, and his wife has never had much sexual passion. They've seen therapists, doctors, pastors, etc. about this.

They married in their mid-twenties and had waited until they married to have sex. Actually, they waited even longer because she was "too tired" on their wedding night.

Dr. Laura gave him what regular listeners would expect her to give him: the choice to either stay and accept it, or leave. 

He said he won't leave, because of his vows.

This call was important for multiple reasons:

1) "Waiting" for marriage is not risk-free. While some people claim they are waiting for moral or religious reasons, some people wait because they aren't interested in having sex, at least not with the person they are marrying. Even people who display some passion before marrying, even engaging in various forms of sex and frequently at that, might pull back after marrying (or having children). But at least in those cases, their spouse knows they are capable of sexually satisfying them.

2) Contrary to what marriage sellers imply and encourage people to infer, there are married men who are extremely dissatisfied with their marital sex life.

3) People who save sex for marriage tend to be the type of person to stay in the marriage even if they're miserable (and they are also the type to say they're not miserable even though they are).

4) Unless they believe otherwise, clergy need to make it clear that, at some point, willful sexual neglect is unfaithfulness or abandonment to the point of a breaking of the vows and releases the other spouse.

This guy is going to go his whole life never having experienced a good sex life.

He bought into "sex is for marriage" without realizing that the Bible (which is likely THE or at least AN authority for his belief system) never says people need to get a terrible marriage contract from a secular state, nor does it specify what makes someone married, but most importantly to his situation, it never specifies that all sexual acts are forbidden before marriage. There may have been ways he could have avoided this situation.

Even after waiting for months/years, it can be understandable that someone is too tired to do anything on the evening after the wedding, although that's an argument for small, simple weddings. Then this poor sap probably thought she just needed some time, or that he was doing things wrong. Nobody wants to admit they made a huge mistake while they are probably still paying off the wedding or sending out thank you cards. As time slipped by, he was deeper and deeper into the mess, not wanting to admit his mistake or be branded with "divorced" or "annulled," wondering if he is undesirable, not wanting to hire lawyers and go to court, probably being told by some he just needs to be more romantic and understanding, and doing more around the home (remember, no kids). That poor man.

Although Dr. Laura didn't bring it up in this call, what she might have told his wife if she had been the one to make the call is she should choose one of the following for her husband:

1) Masturbate to porn
2) Divorce her

3) Frequent prostitutes

4) Have a mistress

My guess is that is wife would reject any of those. If she found him masturbating and/or viewing porn, she'd probably play the martyr and justify mistreating him.

Gee, you unmarried guys, why haven't you rushed to sign a terrible state contract with a woman???

Stay free, men!

Running Game - Slumpbusters

If you're not running game like a well-oiled machine yet, or you took a break, or you're in slump, you might benefit from one or more slumpbusters.

A slumpbuster means hooking up with a woman you wouldn't have as part of your regular bullpen. Maybe she's too old, maybe she's too fat or too skinny or otherwise less attractive to you, maybe she's not enthusiastic or skilled enough. But she's willing to hook up. If some affection is better than no affection to you, that's what a slumpbuster gives you.

However, slumpbusters also help because they "prime the pump." Somehow, some way, the fact that you're active at all helps bring other women to you. It's just one of those mysteries of reality.

Don't Let the Holidays Lead to Less Freedom, Guys

 

Free Men, hopefully you didn't spend your Thanksgiving catering to a woman, her family, her friends, or having some woman along with you as you visited your family. If you're not in the USA and not American, you probably didn't have to deal with anything like that.

But wherever you are, if you're somewhere Hanukah, Christmas, or January 1 are celebrated, you need to implement or continue your holiday game plan.

There are two main considerations for you:

1) Dealing with family and "friends" who will be asking you (or pestering you) about your status as a free man. You now how it goes. "When are you going to get married?" Questions like that.

2) Avoiding spending those special days with a woman who wants to take away your status as Free Man, or will be expecting you to spend a lot of time, money, and effort on her.

Don't do something foolish and start thinking there is "the one" to whom you should hand over your freedom. Don't be so ignorant, delusional, or masochistic that you're thinking you want to be exclusive with a woman.