Marriage Material Men

As anyone who has skimmed through this blog can tell, I'm a huge fan of the Dr. Laura Program and the hostess herself. As such, I listen to every minute of the show and thus I think I've discerned what she would consider the basic requirements of marriage-material men; in other words, what she tells her female callers to look for when it comes to finding a husband.

In no particular order, here they are:


1) He is 28-35 years of age. That might slip down to 27 and slip up to 38 or so, but guys in their earlier 20s are not considered marriage material and men in their 40s or older who have never been married (see below) aren't married because either they really don't want to be or there is some serious flaw with them. Now, she doesn't oppose people remarrying when their children are grown and there is a prenup to protect those adult children and they meet all of the other criteria. However, the focus of this entry is on first marriages.


2) He is the same age or slightly older than the woman.

3) He has no minor children and has never been married before (with the possible exception of widowers). Even if he doesn't have kids, having been married before makes things more complicated and can make divorce more likely. Remember, we're talking about guys in their late 20s and early 30s.

4) He is done with his education and training.

5) He is not in debt.

6) He doesn't abuse substances and is physically and mentally healthy.

7) He doesn't play video games and has no Facebook or social media account.

8) He is Alpha, not weak, and not a momma's boy nor does he allow a problematic mother (or anyone else) to control or negatively impact his life.

9) He earns enough to be the sole support of wife and children in a nuclear family home without others (and he wants to), to pay for private school or homeschooling plus activities, to pay lawyers to "go to war," to pay to care for elderly or disabled relatives to have the care they need, to pay for you both to avoid ever being burdens on your children, and many other things.

10) He has a job that pays as much as described in #9 and is steady, stable, and secure, and yet it doesn't require moves, frequent travel, semi/pseudo-social situations with women, working/commuting long or odd hours or extra/odd days that would intrude into family time, communicating outside of work hours, nor has dangerous conditions, and will allow him to be home for dinner every night.

11) He has a compatible religious background to the woman. Saying "neither one of us is very religious" doesn't count if the religions are in conflict. For example, Jewish (non-Messianic) and Catholic. This is only a must if there is a possibility, however slight, of having children.

12) He is otherwise fundamentally compatible with the woman (major goals, raising children, personalities, etc.)

13) He is willing and able to be completely monogamous for life (no threesomes, swinging, swapping, group sex, polyamory) and would never ask the wife to have sex where others might see nor to watch others have sex in-person.

14) The woman is strongly attracted to him, including physically.

15) There are no red flags in addition to anything covered above, including things that would be red flags if they happened more often or on a larger scale. (You can't come back later say, "It wasn't this bad!")

I personally disagree with #7. I think it is simply something she didn't grow up with and she has an unreasonable bias against such technology. Otherwise, I think these are very good rules for a woman looking for a husband.

In today's world, the combination of #9 and #10 is increasingly rare, especially fitting into the criteria of #1. However, since the priority is family and children, these are necessary things. This is why she frequently gets female callers who say that they "have to" work, or whose husbands aren't home enough or the right hours/days, or whose (potential) husband is older. But remember - "everyone", deep down, wants to be with someone.

UPDATE: It has become painfully apparent with COVID-19 shutdowns that #10 is exceedingly rare in the sense that very few jobs are secure, steady, and stable. They can be removed by government fiat at any time.

Dear Dennis Prager: Get Clarity on the Marrage Strike

Dear Dennis Prager,

I listen to every minute of your radio program, I own and have read some of your books, I read some of your columns, I follow Prager U on social media, and I think you do a lot of good. I'm a married father.

With that out of the way, I'm going to again make this appeal:

You need to have an articulate, informed marriage striker on your radio program.

It might be good to have, not necessarily at the same time, both someone who articulates why men are avoiding marriage, and someone who articulates why women are avoiding marriage. But they must not be people who bemoan this. They must be supporters of, or at least sympathetic to, the "marriage strike".

This would benefit your program and it would benefit you, as it would give you more clarity and it might help you make your arguments and appeals even more effective. It would thereby also help your listeners.

The marriage strike isn't just a matter of women who want to depend on government and men who don't want to grow up. There are independent, mature, principled, responsible, productive, decent, values-driven people who have avoided marriage for reasonable, logical, fact-based reasons.

Your producer/staff should be able to find individuals who'll appear on your program. Here's a suggestion. That's someone who has experience being on talk radio. You can also try contacting the person at morgue33[ at] gmail.com.

Why Do Men Like Lingerie?

Why do men like lingerie?

For men who like women to wear lingerie, there are two basic reasons:

1) It looks more revealing and sexier than baggy sweatpants, granny panties, or just about anything else a woman would wear other than skimpy swimsuits or revealing yoga pants.

2) It signals she's feeling sexual or is willing to get sexual. There are swimsuits more revealing than some lingerie, but the swimsuit signals she's going to hang out by the pool, on the beach, or sun herself. There are yoga pants more revealing than some lingerie, but again, yoga pants don't signal "Let's get sexual."

Most men prefer women to be entirely naked rather than in lingerie. But most men do prefer lingerie to regular clothing or pajamas that don't reveal much.

Some women find lingerie figure-flattering, accentuating certain parts of their body and hiding things about which they are unhappy or self-conscious. We get that. But women do tend to be far more critical of their own bodies than men, especially a man who is with them. But if it helps her feel more confident and helps her to be more enthusiastic, that's definitely a plus.

When a wife surprises her husband with wearing lingerie, especially if he normally has to persuade her to agree to sex, it can be a nice surprise to him.

I plan to write more about why men like certain things when it comes to women. I fully get it that some women, even some women who claim to be heterosexual, don't give a rat's behind about what men like. But there may be a few women who are curious, and I can be honest. Maybe you can put what I tell you to good use?

Also, as with anything else, especially anything sexual, "men like" is a generalization. There will ALWAYS be outliers or a minority of men who think/feel differently. In this case, that means a few men will find lingerie a turn off, or will prefer it to nudity.

Here Come the Holidays

Halloween is almost here. And in the USA, Thanksgiving will be here before you know it.

Guys, this is a reminder that you need to be executing your holiday game plan.

Organizations of Which to Be Wary

Recently, a certain fraternal organization started within the last few years and its leader have been getting trashed online. I had been wary and a bit suspicious of the organization and its leader, even though he was saying many things with which I was agreeing. There were a few things he was saying and doing, and the tone he was taking, that made me suspicious. [This has been bumped up from January 2022. They are now supposedly offering a health care plan of sorts. What could go wrong?]

In no particular order, and subject to being revised and expanded, here are some signs you should be skeptical/cautious of joining or associating with an organization:

How to Just Say No To Giving Up Your Freedom

Guys, especially if you're a certain age (and that age can vary by geography), people are going to hound you about how you should get married and crank out kids. It could come from your family, coworkers, neighbors, clergy, congregants at your religious institution, strangers in the supermarket, whomever. (If you're Mormon or an Evangelical Christian, lookout! And if you ARE Mormon, you're probably better off getting out of that whole thing entirely, but that's not my focus right now.)

If you're in a supposedly exclusive relationship, and you shouldn't be, they will be pressuring you to marry her (and of course she'll be doing that herself). If you're living together they will ramp it up. (Hit the eject button if you're living together!) If you're not in a relationship, they will try to fix you up.

But you should stay a free man.

If you're a free man, and you show no sign of getting married or even having an exclusive relationship, people might say crap about you, questioning your sexual orientation or maturity or responsibility or whatever else. They might call you selfish. Don't let that get to you. Enduring all of that is a small price to pay for being free.

I've given practical advice for avoiding relationships before, but that was mostly about dealing with would-be matchmakers, and I wanted to give some more useful advice in dealing with people who try to meddle in your life.

You probably have a very good set of reasons why you want to stay free. And it IS your default status; you weren't born with a wife or children and you have to DO something to get those people.  But you don't want to waste your time arguing or offending someone. So here's what you do...

At Work - You should refuse to discuss personal matters at work, let alone date a coworker or someone a coworker tries to set you up with. NO NO NO!!! Simply refuse to talk about any personal matters whatsoever. Establish that as your policy. Ignore attempts to get you to talk about personal matters, or, better yet, redirect the conversation. "Excuse me, I'm here to work." "When will those reports be ready?" "Here's what you requested. Is there anything else?" Come up with sentences like that to use based on how you know things are at work.

Your Family -  Many people get more pressure from family members than from anywhere else. You might risk losing your inheritance. And if your parents are going to be that way, well, you're better off not counting on an inheritance, assuming they even have much of an estate in the first place. If they bring up the ol' "When are you going to settle down?" you can get up and leave, you can end the call or texting conversation. Or you can say, "I am settled down." Or you can say, "When I find the home in which I want to die." "I like my life the way it is." is a good one to use. If they try the "Don't you want someone to take care of you?" Simply say "No." It's a short word and it can end things. If they insist on pursuing the topic, you can turn it around on them and start talking about all of the problems they have as a result of having a partner/spouse and/or children. But if you can, cut things off and redirect, or leave.

Your Friends - You're going to lose friends as some marry and their wives keep them busy and on a leash. Your buddy's wife especially won't want your existence reminding him of what his life could be (or used to be) as a free man. Heck, you might not want to hang out with him anymore if he becomes incapable of talking about anything other than his wife and kids.

Your married buddies might encourage you to marry, because they think that'll make it easier to get together, or because misery loves company. Don't fall for it. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that if you get married, you'll keep your friends who are married or marrying. There's no guarantee that if you married you'd still be friends. Your wives might fight. Your wives might keep each of you busy.

If your married buddy does start in on how you should get married, you can deflect it with something like "If you're happy, I'm happy for you. It's just not for me, and marriage is the kind of thing in which both people have to be enthusiastically all-in, right?" Avoid discussing the issue with or in front of his wife. All it is going to do is give her ammunition she'll use to tell your buddy you're a bad influence.

Beware of thinly disguised blind dates. Your friend and his wife might want to meet up somewhere, and when you get there, what a coincidence, your buddy's wife's friend or sister just happens to be along. If you really don't want to endure that, you're within your rights to feign getting an urgent message on your phone, or not feeling well, and leaving. If you do stay, your buddy and his wife might try to prompt you to talk about yourself, but reveal as little as possible, and instead pivot the topic right back to them, or, if you're willing, on the woman with whom they're trying to fix you up.

There's a good chance your buddy will, sooner or later, be divorced. So keep that in mind and don't burn bridges.

Find friends among like-minded men, so that them getting ensnared in marriage is less likely. There are various forums for free men (MGTOW and otherwise).

Your Neighbors - This depends on what kind of relationship you have with your neighbors. However, if you're close with some neighbors, watch out for them trying to fix you up with someone. They might do something like throw a party and, what a coincidence, they'll introduce you to some woman they know who hears her clock ticking or has bills to pay. They might even try to pair you up with a party game. See the "blind date" advice above.

If you're not particularly close with your neighbors, it should be easy to redirect any of their questions back onto them.

Your Service Providers - This could be anyone from your doctor, accountant, dry cleaner... anyone. They work for you. You can take your business elsewhere. So it should be easier to shut things down any time one of them tells you that you should "find a nice girl" or "settle down". Redirect the conversation to the business topic at hand. They should get the hint.

Your Pastor or Bible Study Leader - I can't speak to every religion. Some religions treat free men as though they're some sort of threat to the flock. Or they try to rope you in to doing things for those poor "single mothers" in the congregation. "I don't feel called to marriage" might work, depending on the place you're attending. If you attend a Bible-as-the-top-authority church, you can make a point by asking for the passages that name Jesus' wife or those of the apostles and disciples. Surely, if getting married was necessary, the Bible would provide all of those. See here for more about this.

Stay Free!!!

Most men these days should be free men. So if you are a free man, good for you and I hope this will help you stay free. Women will try to get their hooks into you. They might try to "bait and switch" you or use "loss leaders"... behaving a certain way, making certain promises, saying the "right" things, until you've signed on the dotted line or they have your child. Don't let that happen to you. In social terms, she is depreciating in social value while demand is increasing for you. So don't enter into a bad deal.

Keep in mind all of things you get to do that you wouldn't if you were married, especially with kids, and had to do things the wife "needed" or wanted you to do. Remember that doing just about anything is less expensive and less of a hassle, from eating at restaurants to traveling to buying groceries, because you're a free man.

People who want you to give up your freedom will try to make it seem like marriage is blissful and helpful, so it's good to have good stories about the free life handy to remember or even counter with; it also helps to remember whatever troubles they've had with their spouse or children that they might not be thinking of at the moment. Usually, you won't have to actually bring those up, but they're good to remember when they're doing their sales pitch.

Remember: at work or with coworkers, play the professionalism card. "I don't mix business with pleasure." "I'm here to work."

In the other areas of your life, it should  be enough to say "I like my life the way it is. I'm happy." and repeat that as often as necessary. A couple of other good sentences are "I can't give a wife everything a wife should have."

Learn to say "No", and "I'm not going to discuss this" and "That's none of your business" and "That's private."

It's your body. It's your money. It's your time. It's your home. It's your life. Keep it that way!

Do you have any tips to add? Any good phrases? You can comment, including anonymously, below.

Explain What You Mean in Telling a Husband to Man Up

I've posed this question before, directed at Dr. Laura, but a lot of people tell a husband to "man up" or "grow a pair" or "use your balls" or something similar in dealing with his wife, usually when there is a disagreement or the wife is behaving in some way that is immoral, irrational, unfair, or destructive. I'd very much like to know what someone who says such a thing means by it. What do you they expect the husband to actually do?

He can assert his opinion or demand. His wife can easily ignore or dismiss it.

Then what?

He can't force her to comply, and even if he can physically take unilateral action, she can use the force of law to stop him. He can't withhold his earnings from her (at least in Dr. Laura's scenario, a first marriage wouldn't have a prenup keeping finances separate). Anything he refuses to do for her, she can pay someone else to do using his earnings.

Men You Shouldn't Marry

This post is directed at women. 

I've written a lot here about women men shouldn't marry. But how about men that women shouldn't marry?

I've gathered these from women in general, media by and directed at women, and marriage advocates of both sexes, including Dr. Laura. Plus, as a man, I know how men can be, so I figure I should warn you.

Most of these are reason enough individually to NOT marry him, but if more than one describes him, that's even worse! In no particular order:

1. You're not strongly attracted to him. If he doesn't make you tingle and make you weak in the knees, you can't marry him. It wouldn't be fair to him and you're not going to be happy for very long.

2. He's younger than 28, or older than 40 and has never been married, or more than 10 years older than you, or more than a few years younger than you. If he's younger than 28, he's too young and immature to marry. If he's 41 or older and has never been married, he doesn't really want to be married or there is something else terribly wrong with him. If he's 11 or more years older than you, he just wants a young hardbody he can manipulate. If he's more than a few years younger than you, he wants a Mommy, not a wife.

3. He's proposed in less than 24 months. He's not taking marriage seriously. He doesn't know you and you don't know him. He's desperate.

4. He wants a prenup. That means he's planning to leave you.

5. He asks you about your sexual past. He's an insecure, misogynistic pervert.
 
6. He's not an Alpha Male. You need a stoic REAL MAN who takes charge, can handle himself, and handles business, not some wimpy guy whining a bout his feelings.

7. He's a Momma's Boy. You don't want a guy who cares so much what his mother thinks and is always catering to her, especially if he's lived with her after turning 18.

8. He has a family member in his life who is trouble. He should have distanced himself from any problematic family member.

9. He flirts with other women, like waitresses, receptionists, etc. Smiling at these women, looking them in the eye, joking with them, laughing at their jokes... who needs that?!? You should be the only woman to whom he looks.

10. He's not established in his career and making a lot of money. You can't build a marriage, let alone a family, with a guy who is still trying to figure out what he's going to be when he grows up, who needs to relocate, who is still getting an education.

11. He earns less than you. Why do you need that? You want a man who will take care of you. Plus, it isn't good for his ego.

12. He doesn't have at least as much education as you. You deserve a husband who has at least as much education as you, not some loafer who can't finish anything.

13. He's too focused on work. If he works long hours, or doesn't make it home to have dinner with you, or is texting/calling/emailing his boss, coworkers, or subordinates when he's with you, then he's neglectful and his priorities are screwed up.

14. He's plays video games. Why would he do such a childish thing when he could be watching The Bachelor with you?

15. He has a Facebook account. Did you know people survived for thousands of years without Facebook? A guy shouldn't be on Facebook.

16. He doesn't ask you what you want. He should be seeking your happiness, not being self-centered. 

17. He doesn't share his feelings. If he's not going to open up to you and be vulnerable, you can't have a real relationship.

18. He doesn't discuss things with you. If he's not willing to discuss anything and everything with you, then you can't have a real relationship.

19. He has shacked up. This means he's OK with mistreating and using women and doesn't value marriage.

20. He wont tell you about his sexual past. He's hiding something and has hang-ups, and probably erectile dysfunction. He's quite possibly gay. He's definitely had way too many sex partners. 

21. He's viewed porn. This means he's OK with sex trafficking, objectifying, abusing, and raping women and probably kids as well. He's not going to be satisfied with a real woman. Porn melts brains and turns men into serial killers. It's a public health crisis. Most importantly, his eyes should only be for you.

22. He's divorced. Second marriages have a 70-percent divorce rate, and he probably can't keep a woman happy.

23. He's a widower. A real man protects and takes care of his wife. Fail. 

24. He's had sex. If he's had sex outside of marriage, then he's OK with having sex outside of marriage, which means he's more likely to cheat on you. If he's only had sex inside of marriage, it means he's either divorced or a widower, which we already covered. 

25. He has kids. Maybe he had them within marriage, but remember, he shouldn't have had prior marriages. And if he had them outside of marriage, he's more likely to have them outside of YOUR marriage! And if those kids are minors, he should be focused on raising them, not bringing a stepmother into their life. He's going to choose them over you, and if he doesn't he should!

26. He neglects his mother. If he neglects her, he'll neglect you. A man who isn't warm and doting on his mother won't dote on you.

27. He's an only child. He doesn't have any siblings to babysit your children or provide other support. He's used to getting his way and doesn't understand sibling dynamics or what it is like to live with kids. The burden of caring for his parents will fall solely on him.

28. He's never dated a woman with kids. He doesn't like kids! He's unable or unwilling to step up and be a real man and take on a paternal role. He's selfish. He's not attracted to women who've had kids, which will doom your relationship.

29. He abandoned a kid of an ex. He's cold-hearted and doesn't care about children if he didn't keep being a paternal figure to the child of an ex.

30. He's lived on his own for many years. He's used to having his own way. How is he going to live with you?

31. He asks you what you want. He should know already! Why is he adding to your emotional labor???

32. He had a girlfriend or crush when he was in high school or younger. That means he's attracted to minors, which makes him a pedophile. You can verify this whether or not he's admitted to having such a crush by showing him a picture of a model who is is 17 years and 11 months old. Don't tell him her age. Ask if he thinks she's pretty. If he says yes, he's a pedophile. 

33. He has the kids of ex girlfriends in his life. That's going go confuse any kids you have with him and take away time and possibly money from them. What's worse is that it will keep him in touch with his ex girlfriend.

34. He compliments you on your appearance. This means that he's a misogynist who objectifies you. 

35. He's cold to waitresses, receptionists, etc. and will barely look at them. If that's the way he treats them, that's the way he will eventually treat you. He's not a good person.

36. He hasn't had sex. Something must be wrong with him and he's not desired by other women. If they don't want him, you shouldn't either. 

37. He argues with you. He should respect your opinion enough to defer to you, not cause you stress.

38. He yells. This is abuse and will lead to you being battered.  

39. It's been 30 months and he hasn't proposed. Leave. He's wasting your time. Do not accept a proposal from him, because he wouldn't be proposing because he really wants you, just because you decided to leave.  

This isn't an exhaustive list, such as a criminal record, substance abuse, and him not being at least a few inches taller than you.

Don't settle, ladies!!! Refuse to marry or live with a man who is beneath you!!!

Marriage Material Men

The Formula For a Good Marriage

The Prager U account on X asked for the formula for a good marriage.

My reply was

1. Don’t involve expensive rings

2. Don’t have a ceremony

3. Don’t sign a terrible state contract

4. Don’t live together

5. Don’t claim exclusivity

6. Don’t co-mingle finances

7. Don’t conceive kids

That should make it wonderful.

That still leaves some variety. For example, the same two people can see each other every day, if they so choose. They can act as though they are exclusive with each other. They can buy expensive things together or for each other (just not with a shared loan).

But I'd advise most men stay free, meaning They NOT agree to exclusivity. I'd also tell them not to spend much money on any one woman; certainly not more that $60 per date (zero is optimal), including all expenses, and don't see any one woman every day.

What would be a formula for a good marriage that involved actually living together, being monogamous, and maybe even having kids?

• Perpetually shared or compatible goals
• Shared values
• Compatible personalities
• Ongoing shared chemistry and mutual affection, providing all of the romance, sex, and friendship each other need in a partner
• He could stare at her forever, she always feels protected by him
  
• Both are responsible, kind, quality individuals who can handle life
• Effective partnership with division of labor in which they each put the other first on an ongoing basis
• They turn TO each other instead of AGAINST each other
  

Unfortunately, almost nobody is going to have that. They might have what seems like that for a moment, maybe even years. Almost nobody is going to have that for decades. Even most marriage sellers will admit that; they just think people should suffer through marriage anyway.

People do change. One thing that changes is goals, because either they reach them, they give up trying or are denied, and their priorities and desires change. Compatibility is almost never going to last decades unless at least one of them sacrifices much or avoids what they really want.

There are things I used to do and wanted to do that I gave up on because I have obligations to a wife and children. There are things I thought I'd be getting with a wife and children that I didn't.

Resentment builds, especially in wives. She will remember every...single...thing... he ever did she ever thought was wrong or wronged her in some way. What do you think that does to how she feels about him, as time goes by and the list gets longer? And when she reveals it to him, how do you think it makes him feel?

Bedrooms die. Romance dies. Spouses end up merely tolerating each other, at best they “love the one you’re with” or otherwise stay married only on paper, abusing (even killing!) each other, or divorcing.

And, there’s so much more that interferes with things being good on an ongoing basis.

Here's what marriage sellers really think is the formula for a good marriage:

A man and woman marry (often, young) and crank out babies, maybe as many as they can. And then their whole life becomes about raising those kids and "role modeling" a "good marriage" to those kids so those kids will continue the cycle. The man (and maybe the woman, depending) earn money for their family and to pay taxes and give to their religious institution and charity. Sex matters, but only because it takes sex to make the babies. As such, the man and the woman should only ever have sex with each other. He will bust his butt romancing her, and if they only have sex to conceive children, he'll shut up about it and pretend he's happy. Lather, rinse, repeat with each generation. 

So, the formula for a “good” marriage is essentially castration and dual lobotomies, rendering the spouses too fearful, in a rut, unmotivated, or masochistic to leave it.

What a downer.

But there is hope and happiness to be had. Learn to love being free. Thrive. Enjoy life, and not just for a few years. Enjoy life throughout your life. Enjoy it because you do what you truly want to do. Realize that there is no “soul mate” for anyone, and that moments, even years, of good companionship doesn’t have to mean enduring bad companionship for decades. Stay free and encourage others to stay free, too. Don’t try to tie them down, and don’t let them tie you down.

Most Men Shouldn’t Marry Nor Have Children

Most men shouldn’t marry nor have children, so most boys should not be raised with the assumption that they will or should marry, and they definitely shouldn’t be raised with the assumption that they will have a lasting, happy marriage.

I realize there are religions out there that pretty much mandate people marry and try to have children. I can’t argue with every different religious organization that claims to have authority over your life. What I do know is that the Bible, taken as a whole and rightly divided, does not mandate you marry and have children. Don’t tell me contraception, tubal ligations, hysterectomies, and vasectomies are wrong because they are are unnatural, as you accept artificial medical treatments, live in a home that has been constructed, and drink water and eat food that has been processed in some way.

Most men shouldn’t marry or have children because 1) they aren’t suited to it, 2) aren’t positioned to do it, 3) aren’t living in a culture that supports it, and 4) won’t find a suitable woman with whom they could.

Home Security

I previously wrote an entry on managing danger that focused on being out and about. What about home security?

Like so many other things in life, if you remain a Free Man, home security is less complicated. You only have to worry about your own protection and you don't have to worry about protecting anyone else, save your temporary guests.

If you have the means, having 24/7/365 armed security on-site is going to provide the most security. Few people can have that, though. Likewise with living in a walled, gated compound.

The bad news is, if someone really, really wants to get into your home, they can, especially if they are people of means. The good news is it is becoming easier and easier to increase your home security, which will discourage potential malefactors, buy you some time to protect yourself if they are getting in, and can capture evidence for prosecution.

What you should do depends on things like where you live, what is in your home, and who might try to get into it and why. If you live on a rural farm it's a far different matter than living in a major city or an adjacent suburb.

Dennis Prager Doesn't Understand Putting Financial Stability Before Getting Married

On the Male/Female Hour of his show today (Wednesday, February 3, 2021), Dennis Prager again took the opportunity to try to sell people on marrying by bringing up how people, especially men, will say they don't want to marry until they have financial stability, and claiming he's never heard a good explanation for that. [This entry us bumped up because it is still relevant.]

I was hoping for some callers would do what I recommended here. One sounded like he might.

I wish I could call in, but I can't. At least not yet. 

Most men shouldn't marry at all, but if they are going to do something so foolish, they should definitely not marry until they have financial stability. There are many reasons this is so. In no particular order, here are just some reasons as to why:

• Marriage is difficult enough. It is even more so when you're poor. Finances are one of THE most common reasons spouse fight and people get divorced. 
• People trying to reach financial stability have less time and energy to spend on a spouse.
• Men who are better off financially can get a more attractive wife.
• Why should you take on another person's debts? Why should they take on yours?
• Wealth acquired before the marriage can be more easily protected from divorce than wealth acquired during the marriage.
• Most women want to marry a man who can support them.
• If kids are a possibility, it is best they have a parent raise them, not have both parents unavailable and tired out from working jobs.

Rather than further repeat myself more, see what I wrote here and go ahead and look through the Dennis Prager tag on this blog. 

Dennis Prager, being unmarried is the default. MEN DO NOT NEED A REASON TO AVOID MARRIAGE. Instead, they need a good reason TO get married, and most men don't have one!

Motivations Against Adult Media

I don't like it when people aren't honest and upfront about their motivations. I'm much more likely to deal with a salesperson who is honest than one that is pretending to do something out of the pure goodness of their heart or claiming a dire disaster will happen to me if I don't buy from them. [This entry has been bumped up.]

You see this sort of thing all of the time. People say they want to "legalize hemp" for medical marijuana or because practical products made from hemp are so much better than using petroleum. But once recreational pot is legalized these people seem to disappear. Or the "Indian gaming" pushes that say it'll be nothing like Las Vegas, and then once the laws are passed they run ads calling themselves the "shortcut to Vegas!"

This happens constantly when people talk about adult media. So many of the complaints are really about media, masturbation, male sexual nature, the nature of sex, etc. but people choose to only apply their complaint to adult media.

Some people breathlessly pronounce that if you watch "porn" you will become addicted, become impotent, rot your brain, and become a serial mass rapist-murderer. That, THEY CLAIM, is why they constantly warn people and call for restrictions ranging from censor/spyware they're selling to incarcerating people for making or watching video of adults having sex or pretending to. They dupe politicians into passing declarations that such material is a "public health crisis" even though it isn't, and offer a “cure” in the form of a book or “rehab” they’re selling. Or stickers and t-shirts.

Let's get honest about why people freak out about porn.

How I Know Running Game Works

I know running game works because I've seen it work, over and over. I've seen it work on my sister, on coworkers, on classmates, and on women who seek advice from, or tell of their experiences, on radio shows, in columns, forums, etc.

But I also know running game works because it worked for me.

Back in my "single" days, I never went full "running game." I adopted some tactics. And they worked.

When I first heard about running game, it seemed like it couldn't possibly work because it went against everything else I'd been taught. But when I stopped being the romantic gentleman puppy dog focusing on one woman, when I did adopt some of the tactics of running game, it was amazing how well it worked. I spent far less time, money, and effort on these women and yet they were eager to see me and get physical.

What did I do?

No, Men, Your Standards Are Not Too High

Are you an unmarried man who's been told that your standards for a wife are too high? [This an entry from October 2015 I'm bumping up. It still holds up.]

They're not.

At least, they're not if you're self-sufficient.

Don't get theological on me. I know we're all dependent on God – I'm talking about self-sufficient in being able to pay your bills, finance your future, and otherwise meet your obligations and maintain your domicile.

If you're self-sufficient, and not sickly or disabled, your standards for a wife are not too high, no matter what they are.

Marriage is entirely voluntary. Marriage isn't necessary to live a productive and full life. As a man, getting married means taking on certain obligations and serious risks legally, financially, and socially. Every benefit a marriage might bring a man is provided at the voluntary generosity of a an irrational creature who can rescind her generosity without any penalty for doing so, and those things can all be obtained without marriage. (The exceptions are: 1. If a man believes unmarried sex is fornication and wants sex without fornicating – but getting married is no guarantee of satisfying sex, or sex at all, and 2. If a man wants to raise children within a marriage.)

Your standards are not too high.

You don't need to, and you should not, spend a couple of years paying for a woman's meals and entertainment and buying her gifts on those "special occasions" scattered throughout the year.

You don't need to, and you should not, buy her overpriced jewelry to wear on her finger.

You don't need to, and you should not, pay for a series of expensive parties that are mostly about her.

You don't need to, and you should not, take on children a woman has had by other men.

You don't need to, and you should not, take on debts a woman incurred before she even met you.

You don’t need to, and you should not, sign a legal document that ensures at least half of everything you'll ever earn will be hers and that you will support her should the relationship end and that you'll be the legal/financial father if she conceives children by another man.

If you're going to make someone your default beneficiary and give them power to make medical decisions for you, or if you're going to be sharing a home and a bed with this person, then your standards are NOT too high.

If a married person tells you your standards are too high, ask them if that means they had low standards when they married.

I'm still waiting for just one good reason for a man to marry and if you're thinking about getting married, you should also try this exercise.

It’s Not Too Early To Form Your Holiday Game Plan

Free Men, and men who want to be, it's NOT to early to think about the holidays, and by that, I mean Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hanukah, Christmas, New Years, and Valentine's Day. 

There are two main considerations for you:

1) Dealing with family and "friends" who will be asking you (or pestering you) about your status as a free man. You now how it goes. "When are you going to get married?" Questions like that.

2) Avoiding spending those special days with a woman who wants to take away your status as Free Man, or will be expecting you to spend a lot of time, money, and effort on her.

Don't do something something foolish and start thinking there is "the one" to whom you should hand over your freedom. Don't be so ignorant, delusional, or masochistic that you're thinking you want to be exclusive with a woman.

Is This How You Want to Live?

From a recent Dear Abby column, COVERING MY EYES IN TENNESSEE wrote:

I'm so disgusted. My wife has started walking around the house with no panties or bra, letting it all hang out, so to speak. Then she makes comments like, "Doesn't this look good?" I'm sickened by her behavior. I feel violated. How do I tell her to stop without hurting her sensitive feelings?

What a strange thing for a man married to a woman to write.

Why is he reacting this way?

Most men would LOVE this!

Is he gay???

Very, very strange.

Hmm.

What's going on here?

Women Have Options Now

 

People lamenting the the fact that a smaller percentage of Americans are married now than ever before often will ask what has changed to bring this about.

Life has changed, indeed.

One thing that has changed:

Women have options now.

Do you want to change that?

Most people don’t.

It wasn’t all that long ago that women didn’t have full access to higher education, or the workplace, or financial services. Government was smaller with much less or no “social safety net” provided by government. Women who were abused by their husband had few places, if any, to escape and the social pressure, often from their own parents and siblings, was to stay with or go back to her husband. Being divorced could mean destitution and being ostracized.

A woman’s realistic options were:

• Marry young and pop out/raise children, keep the home, maybe work in her husband’s business/the family farm, and be dependent on her husband 
• Depend on her father, uncle, or brother, helping to raise their children and/or working in their business
• Be a teacher or secretary, which they might be expected to give up if they married 
• Be a prostitute 
• Be a nun 

Of course there were some outliers, but those options were what most women faced.

Women can now thrive without ever marrying. Women can decide to leave a marriage and nobody can stop them. They’ll even be applauded and can take half of the wealth with them and get ongoing payments. They can have government take care of them if they don’t take care of themselves. They can have their own residence.

Many women really don’t want to be wife to a husband. Many women don’t want to be mothers. In the past, many women like that were pressured into taking on a husband and having children. Now that they have options, many women opt to NOT marry. That’s just one reason marriage rates are down.

I’m glad women have options, although I want government much smaller and for private charity to handle the legitimate needs of those who need help. And women having options means lower marriage rates. I don’t see that as a problem, as long as women aren’t intentionally depriving a child of their father.

Do you agree? Disagree? Your comments are welcomes, as always.

The Modern Workplace and How It Relates to Marriage

Men are expected to "provide". It isn't just traditionalists like Dr. Laura who say this. Most women seek out and marry men they think do, or will, earn more than they do, even if they claim to be liberated, feminist, independent. Notice Oprah's lack of legal marriage. It would be difficult for her to attract a man who earns more than her.

In order to pay for a family, men generally need stable, well-paying jobs that provide a reasonable level of security. However, our economy has changed.

We Are Not a Project

I found a column by Suzanne Fields at conservative site Townhall. With a headline of "A Good Man Is Still Hard to Find" I took notice. [This entry has been bumped up.]

Women have been complaining since the original Adams family was evicted from the Garden of Eden that "A good man is hard to find."

Whining, complaining, nagging... yep.

Despite radical feminist mockery of the very idea of manliness, that men are natural sexual predators, most women -- with very few exceptions -- still want one.

Of course they do! It's nice to have the cash flow, the bodyguard, an errand boy, and a receptacle for your whines and gripes and thoughts.

The #MeToo movement has nevertheless changed a lot of things in the wake of the sexual harassment-scandal season. One of them is the regard in which men are universally held by women. It often seems we're back to the '80s, when there was a similar assault on the idea of manhood and some women decried all sex as rape.

Radical feminist activists Catherine MacKinnon and Andrea Dworkin were widely credited with saying that "all sex is rape" and "all men are rapists." They both deny the statements, but Dworkin conceded that she did say, "Penetrative intercourse is, by its nature, violent."

No wonder men are choosing to To Their Own Way (see MGTOW).