Calling Dr. Laura

There's a book now by that name, but this has nothing to do with that book. I haven’t read the book and I wasn't planning to.

I love the Dr. Laura show because Dr. Laura cares about children, cares about the needs of both women and men, rejects radical Leftist feminism, generally promotes conservative morality, marriage and family, patriotism, fiscal responsibility, and individual liberty, and helps people, including helping people do better over and above making them immediately feel better. She also now gives commentaries at the start of the show, usually with useful, practical information. I listen to every minute of her show, thanks to podcasting. It's the only show I listen to with such dedication. So keep that in mind as I have a little fun with this "public service" announcement to potential callers of her talk show. (For advice about calling in to call-in shows in general, I recommend reading this.)

Dr. Laura has lost patience and I don't blame her. She's right to be fed up with the stupid choices people are making (especially when it is compounded by bad caller etiquette). There are times when some hapless person who has just discovered her show calls in and starts shamelessly painting a picture of their own immoral actions in an effort to get to a trivial question, or one about how they can continue to be immoral with the least amount of inconvenience to themselves. I feel like pausing the podcast and getting some popcorn, because I've listened long enough to know what will be coming. Once in a while, she deals with the caller by abruptly hanging up on them without answering their question (sometimes before they can get around to asking it), perhaps with a curt, seething, "And you have a good day sir/ma'am." You know that could be coming when someone says something like, "I need your help. My boyfriend, who lives with me, is on drugs and I need him to stop because it bothers the four children I have by three other men." Usually, though, she will use the caller as a example to the wider audience, admitting she is doing this because she is unable to "fix" the situation because some situations can't be, but listeners need to be warned before their situation gets as bad. That is why she can be so rough on those callers.

If you don’t want to end up as one of those Examples of What Not to Do, then don't call her for help unless:

Pants on the Ground, Socks on the Floor

Dr. Laura once took a call from a wife who was complaining about her husband leaving his socks on the floor. Later, she heard from a widow who would give anything to find that her husband was alive and with her, leaving his socks on the floor. So this "news blurb" from The Onion caught my eye:

The Best Thing That Ever Happened to Area Man Yelling at Him About Socks

Other Ways the Airlines Can Make Money

United Airlines is going to start charging $25 for a second checked bag, and other airlines are likely to follow.

With that in mind, and with apologies to David Letterman, here are the top ten other new charges airlines will try:

10. $20 Each Time an Attractive Flight Attendant Brushes up Against You.

9. $50 To Not Be Seated Next to a Fatty, Kid 4 Years Old or Under, or Someone With Treatment-Resistant Tuberculosis

8. $50 For Not Showing “Alive” as the In-Flight Movie

7. $75 For Not Showing “Gigli” or “Battlefield Earth” As the In-Flight Movie

6. $15 Access to Seatback Slot Machine5.

5. $30 For sharing germs for Immune System Testing

4. $20 Bladder Endurance Testing

3. $35 Thrill Ride Turbulence Simulation

2. $100 Disasterless Flight Surcharge

1. $300 To Get Their Swarthy Actor to Put Away His Koran and Stop Chanting “Allahu Ackbar”