Sensational Headlines Might Mislead

Law enforcement agencies are government departments, dependent on taxpayer money, and like getting credit for good deeds.

News media likes sensational headlines because it gets them clicks and viewers.

A lot of people have conspiratorial and crisis thinking, meaning they are sure there's a crisis going on, and it is the result of a vast conspiracy.

Every once in a while, there will be a headline like this:

"68 Missing Children Recovered From Human Trafficking Operation, [Law Enforcement Agency] Says"

That makes it sound like there was a building with 68 children inside of it, where strangers would go and pay money to sexually abuse them, maybe "buy" them to take home.

Shocking, right? How evil!!!

Except... that's not really what happened. And thank goodness it isn't.

Dependent Shackup Tells Dear Abby She’s Abused

Time for some more true love!

BAD SCENE IN THE MIDWEST wrote in to Dear Abby:

I'm a 37-year-old stay-at-home mother of two teens.

Not employed, not running a business. Doesn't say she homeschools. She stays home and has two teens.

I've been in a relationship with a guy I'll call "Doug" for four years.

What happened to the father or fathers of the teens?

I feel he only wants me here for sex.

That's true of most men, when you really get down to it. I mean, many value the companionship and friendship is there is some, too, but that's more of a byproduct. They often have to be friends and companions with the women to get the sex, or so they think, and the women take up their time, and, they're there. There are couples, including married, who really don't do much together. They may or may not have sex, and attend certain events together, but that's about it.

The way she says "here" and the rest of the letter imply she and her children are living in Doug's place. They're not married. How much money is Doug spending on these three people? Remember, she's not working.

If I say no, he either tries to force it or verbally abuses me.

Force or abuse are unacceptable, period. But clarification on "tries to" and "verbally abuses" would be helpful. "You don't give me what I need" isn't verbal abuse. "You're worthless" is.

But even if he wasn't abusive, if she doesn't want to have sex with him, she should leave.

You know why she doesn't? Because he provides money and services.

He tells me if I don't give him sex, I need to leave so he can bring another woman to do it.

Well that's just silly. He could go out and run game, part of which would be doing it elsewhere. But the real reason you need to leave, in addition to it being an abusive situation, is that it isn't your place.

He will destroy my belongings or call me names.

He couldn't do either of those things if you weren't there.

He says it's my fault that he does that to me.

His actions are his responsibility.

I'm not sure what to do here.

Get out.

Right... but you depend on him. That mistake is going to make things harder, but you have to.

What she can likely do, and a lawyer can fill her in on this, is call the police on the guy and have him kicked out of his own place and still compelled to pay for it, and, possibly, pay her as well and pay child support for those kids even though they aren't his. While he might "deserve" that for being an abuser, most men should NEVER move a woman in to their place, ESPECIALLY one with kids.

When a boyfriend (or husband for that matter) forces their partner to have sex, it isn't foreplay; it is rape.

Agreed. And what is it called when someone is forced to labor for another adult?

What you need to do now is get out of there as safely as you can. Place a confidential call to the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233) and ask for help formulating a plan to safely escape your abuser, because that is what this man is.

She has places to go, thankfully. It's not as easy for abused men.

I'm trying to get the domestic abuse rate down to zero. The best way to avoid abuse is to be independent and don't move in with an abusive person.

This woman apparently has a habit of picking bad men. Bad men apparently turn her on. That’s what young men see over and over again. What do they learn from that?

Jumping to Conclusions

Man kills self, woman most affected. (Consider that a trigger warning.)

I posted about this on Twitter but I wanted to write more about it here.

Why We Should Use the Death Penalty

Here's another one of those all-too-common cases to remember when you see people encouraging others to become parents. It's from Alejandra Reyes-Velarde and it was in the Los Angeles Times:

A Fontana woman previously convicted of child abuse has been charged in the death of her 3-year-old daughter, who died days after being taken to the hospital with injuries that authorities said stemmed from abuse.

Fontana is in the "Inland Empire", which is the part of California that east of Los Angeles county and the OC and west of the border with Arizona and Nevada. There are some fine people who live in the Inland Empire, but it's also home to a lot of people who are wasting their human potential.

Miriam Sandoval, 37, and the child’s father, Richard Rojo, 34, were arrested Feb. 27 after Fontana police responded to a medical aid call in the 9500 block of Madrona Avenue. When they arrived, officers found a 3-year-old girl who was not breathing, authorities said.

Nice. Notice he's the "child's father", so I guess that means they never bothered to marry?

The girl was taken to the hospital and died Sunday, Fontana police spokesman Jay Sayegh said. 

It’s unclear how the girl died, but Sayegh said she had “significant visible body injuries.”

Infuriating.

Sandoval previously was convicted of child abuse after the girl, as an infant, suffered broken bones, including a broken pelvis.

A broken flippin' pelvis. On an infant.

“It’s extremely frustrating,” Sayegh said, adding that the woman was put on probation after a plea deal. “This is a woman who should have never been around those kids again. It’s heartbreaking.”

Gotta love those plea deals. Imagine the life that kid lived.

Sandoval and Rojo have two other children: the dead girl’s twin sister and a boy about 6, Sayegh said. The children are now under the care of the county’s Children and Family Services Department, police said.

Let's hope they don't end up with abusers.

Authorities do not think Rojo participated in the abuse, but Sayegh said the man was negligent.

He knocked the woman up at least twice knowing she was an example of toxic femininity.

“The father took no actions to protect the children,” he said. “That’s his obligation.”

There's something to remember, guys. If you don't protect the children, you're also held responsible. This is something I've had to remember myself. As far as I know, my wife hasn't physically or sexually abused our children, but physical and sexual abuse aren't the only forms of abuse.

At least one of these adults deserves the death penalty, which California still technically has, but it's a joke because the thing has been thwarted by cruel people.

Do I Have the Right to Remain Silent?

I probably didn’t handle this in the best way. There’s probably some way I didn’t think of that would have made things better. I’m always open to instruction and suggestions.[This is bumped up from June 2015.]

It is times like this that I am grateful for Tom Leykis and certain "manosphere" folks, and for the fornication of my wayward youth. I know I'm supposed to say I regret my fornication, but thanks to those experiences, and to Leykis and others, I know that my wife's sexual rejection is about her, not about me. Oh, sure, I don't have it as bad as some husbands. I still get some (mostly mercy, mostly vanilla) sex every two or three weeks. That's not enough for me.

I really, really, really wanted a lover who was enthusiastic, curious, adventurous, and generous, because those are the things I bring to lovemaking. I wanted someone who'd indulge with passion, playfulness, and think of marital lovemaking as bonding, a blessing from the Lord, and a shared hobby.

How does one know that's what they're getting if they avoid sexual interaction with each other before they marry? That’s a question I’ve asked before.

When someone calls Dr. Laura and says their spouse lacks interest, she asks how it was before they married.

Before we married, my wife explained that she was a virgin and was determined to be one until she married. I was fine with that. I thought that was ideal. She was passionate with her kisses. We did more than we should have, if going by what’s been esteemed as moral tradition, and she really seemed to struggle holding back. In fact, as I think I've written before, she did something multiple times she hasn't done even once since we married.

The indications were that she was revved up and ready to enjoy married life in this way. But there were a series of challenges life threw at her/us (you know… life) after I signed on the dotted line, and then we had two kids, and she had everything she wanted: She had the title of "wife" and "mother" and the minivan and the house. She had someone paying all of her bills, including for her overused health insurance and medical bills.

Don't Sign Up For This

Two letters to Dear Abby and an obituary notice are something to behold, guys.
A SECOND CHANCE wrote to Dear Abby:

Because I was sexually abused as a child, I have difficulty trusting men.

DONE. That's a big "DO NOT TOUCH" sign right there. That's how she started the letter.

My oldest sons have different fathers. While they were toddlers, I met the father of my youngest two sons.

She trusted three men enough to let them stick it in her and knock her up. Who knows how many other men have been there? Doesn't that take some level of trust?

Stop Adding Chaos To Your Child's Life

I've listed many reasons why most people should avoid having children, getting married, or even being in a relationship at all.

I know full well most people will still do these things.

If someone doesn't want children, they should ensure they won't. Men who don't want children should get vasectomies and women should get tubal ligation or have their ovaries and/or uterus removed, whatever is best for them given their health considerations.

But if someone is going to have children, they have a moral obligation to set up the best situation they can to raise those children, who have no choice in the matter except to go along with what their parents set up.

That means:

1) Finding a suitable person of the opposite sex. [1]
2) Marrying them. [2]
3) Treating that person well. [3]
4) Building a stable, suitable life for raising children. [4]
5) Then having children.

Unfortunately, there are plenty of people who do #5 before (or without ever doing) the others, even before #1. And there are also people who, because they didn't really do #1 or #3, they end up divorced or widowed or separated (physically even if not legally). So there are many children now living in what we call a broken home, meaning mom and dad are not living together, raising their child together.

Dr. Laura (and maybe others?) insists that parents of minor children should not remarry until their youngest child is grown and certainly not make more babies. She goes further and says that the existing minor children should not even be exposed to a parent's new lover. So many people think this stance is bizarre. It just sounds so radical to them because parents of minor children getting into new relationships is so common these days.

But I agree with her.

Hands Off

It has been a while since I brought up a Dear Abby column here, even though I have been a regular reader. This time, "GRIEVING GRANDDAD" wrote in with:

My two adult granddaughters have rejected me, their doting grandfather. Their father gave me this explanation: "They are uncomfortable with the way you rub their shoulders and necks."

These girls and both parents have misinterpreted my innocent expressions of affection, which haven't changed since the girls were little. The only change is in their perception of my actions.

I am devastated. I asked twice to meet with these family members to discuss their concerns. It has been three months; no meeting time has been offered. There has been no contact, and neither girl has called me for any reason this year.

I can't just stop loving those with whom I have forged a 20-year bond of affection. How can this rupture be repaired?

I'm going to assume he's not a pervert or otherwise inappropriate, or leaving anything important out of his letter.

Something happened that the letter writer hasn't been told about. Maybe one or both of the granddaughters was attacked or molested by someone else. Perhaps they hate/suspect men in general now thanks to higher education. Or, maybe they "recovered memories" in a counseling session.

How many lives have been ruined by bogus "recovered memories"? Each life ruined is one too many. At least some such memories aren't really memories at all. Dr. Laura states on her show she doesn't believe ANY of them are real, stops calls when the caller claims that there was a recovered memories, and cites PTSD in soldiers as her reason, and other people who've been molested, along the lines of "If people could me made to forget memories we could make a lot of money selling that."

The problem I have with this is this:

That some people are haunted by traumatic events they are unable to forget does not necessarily mean nobody is ever able to "forget", and later remember, an actual traumatic event. But, this is more Dr. Laura's area of expertise than mine and she may be right... I just don't find her short explanation entirely convincing.

Anyway, I have point when it comes to men.

Heterosexual men are rapidly being marginalized in our culture and are increasingly at risk for being publicly humiliated and vilified, fired, sued, fined, and incarcerated for normal male behavior or based on mere accusations. Some prominent Christian leaders have refused to meet with women behind closed doors; the door must always be open and witnesses nearby. People like Tom Leykis advise men to avoid accusations of sexual harassment by either working for themselves or keep interaction with women in the workplace to the absolute minimum possible. Many others have said a man should never be a coach to anyone else's children or otherwise be in a position where they would be alone with some else's children or touching those children, so as to avoid accusations. And now, we see an example of how a man is taking a risk by having his own children.

At some point, the risks are just too high. A man protects himself the most by being self-employed and avoiding situations with women, by not marrying, by not having children, by not being around children. But what kind of society does that leave us with?

Cruel Taunts

Once upon a time in a land far, far away... OK, well, actually several years ago in the OC, there was an 18-year-old who at least dabbled in cocaine and she got in a fight with at least one of her parents, took their expensive sports car for a late-night high-speed drive, and got herself mangled and killed in the process. Thankfully, she did not kill anyone else.

The responding law enforcement agency documented the accident scene, including taking pictures.

Some unprofessional members of that agency leaked the pictures.

Those pictures have found no small audience online. That's bad enough.

Unfortunately, some people took to cyberbullying by sending and delivering the photos to the deceased's family.

The family has just now reached a settlement. It is too bad that taxpayers, or an insurance company hired by taxpayers, are paying for this settlement.

I've deliberately been vague about this. You really don't need to search for the pictures.

The deceased suffered for her bad choices.

Shame on those who leaked the photos.

Shame on those who have bullied the family.

Question For My Readers

What constitutes verbal or emotional abuse?

I pretty much have a zero tolerance policy for physical abuse in my advice to others an in my personal life. I haven't ever been physically abused in a dating relationship or my marriage, thankfully.

I'm not talking about self-defense or defending children through force. I'm not talking about someone being completely unhinged and an open-handed slap being needed to get their attention. I'm not talking about literally pushing someone away when you don't want them touching you. I'm talking about actual domestic violence... hitting, biting, kicking, throwing things at you, scratching, aggressive pushing, etc. If someone does that once, they shouldn't be given the chance to do it again, no matter how many times they apologize.

But what about with verbal or emotional abuse? And what would constitute such things?

I think, perhaps, I have accepted apologies for those things in some of my relationships. I wouldn't accept an apology for physical abuse. Why did I accept them for verbal abuse? But again, does anyone have a good definition or examples? Can they be excused as "saying the wrong things" if an apology has been given, while physical violence can't be excused?

Volunteering for Abuse

BRUISED AND ABUSED BOYFRIEND wrote in to Dear Abby:

I have been dating "Carmen" for a few years, but in the last year she has started becoming violent when we are having an argument.

First of all, why has the dating been going on for "a few years"? Do you have no intention of marrying?

I think this is domestic abuse, but she claims it isn't because I'm a man.

WRONG! Geez, so much for equality. The first time she got violent, you should have left immediately, and only returned to her if you were convinced, for good reason, that it was an aberration. The second time should have meant it was over. I'd say "call the cops" but you'd probably be the one arrested, so you should have 1) left, telling her never to contact you again, and 2) if she did contact you, filed a restraining order.

So far, I have restrained my instincts -- but eventually I know Carmen will cross the line and I'm going to snap. I have the potential to hurt her badly.

And then there would be a Lifetime Original Movie about how evil you are.

I have tried everything to make Carmen understand how I feel, but she continues to insist it doesn't matter because I'm so much bigger and stronger than she is.

WRONG! And there's no getting her to understand.

When she hits me, it doesn't hurt physically, but the anger I feel is indescribable.

What she does now doesn't hurt you, but she might do something worse later, or when you’re sleeping. And were you planning to have kids with her? Children are easier to injure, and they don't need to see their father abused anyway.

Stop rationalizing and LEAVE!!!

I'm at the end of my rope and considering breaking up with her before I hurt her.

Considering? It is bad enough you are still there.

I don't want to end the relationship, but I think it's the only way to make her see things from my perspective.

Who cares if she sees things from your perspective?!? I’m sorry, I know it isn’t a Biblical word, but this guy is a p---y. My guess is that he's rationalizing it because crazy chicks give wild sex. And that's all good, but only until she cuts it off and puts it into a garbage disposal.

Or should I call the cops the next time she hits me?

While that is exactly what a woman should do (call the cops), it isn't advisable for men, unfortunately.

Dear Abby told him to end it.

Please think ahead -- if Carmen resorts to violence when she becomes upset with you, then she very likely will with any children you would have together.

Yup!

Some experts are now saying men are more likely to be subject to dometic violence than women. I don't know if there is a way of knowing for sure, but we do know who is more likely to be arrested, and who has the shelters and assistance programs waiting for them, etc.

The sex of the perp and the sex of the victim doesn't matter. Do NOT tolerate abuse. It is better to be alone than to be in a bad relationship, but there are billions of fish in the sea anyway, so chances are, you'll find someone a lot better.

When The Sheen Wears Off the Fantasy

Idealistic and narcissistic women think they have a magic vagina that will change troubled males into good husbands and fathers. And there are some women who want, on some level, to be mistreated. That’s why women take on and keep boyfriends who are abusive or otherwise a mess who are in no condition to have a healthy relationship. When it comes to guys like Charlie Sheen, there's the added lure for gold diggers and attention whores of money and fame.

Brooke Mueller should have had ample indication that Sheen was not marriage material (how hard is it to contact Denise Richards, really?), yet she married him and made babies with him, thereby messing up the lives of others. And barring Sheen's imminent death, which would surprise nobody, she won't be the last woman to do this with Sheen. You can read AP Entertainment Writer Anthony Mccartney's story here.

Charlie Sheen's estranged wife Brooke Mueller obtained a restraining order to keep the actor away from her and their sons because she was afraid of threatening statements the actor had made in recent days, including stabbing her in the eye with a pen.

The order prompted police to take the twins from Sheen's Hollywood Hills home on Tuesday night and return them to Mueller's care.

Actually, isn't she in rehab herself?

According to a sworn declaration filed in the case, Mueller said Sheen told her in a phone call Sunday night, "I will cut your head off, put it in a box and send it to your mom!"

Lovely.

"(Sheen) has made various bizarre, disturbing and violent statements to the media in the past week which cause me great fear for the safety of our children while in his care as he does not appear mentally stable," Mueller wrote. She also noted a Christmas Day 2009 fight in Aspen, Colo., which led to the actor pleading guilty to misdemeanor third-degree assault.

In the filing, Mueller states she felt obligated to travel to the Bahamas with Sheen and two young women currently living in his Hollywood Hills home. She said that Sheen started the trip in a good mood, but drank on the plane and became belligerent on Feb. 23.

Mueller claims Sheen turned a flashlight on in her face, held a pen to her face and threatened to stab her in the eye with a knife. She wrote that she then left the Bahamas and returned to Los Angeles.

Yes, she is in rehab:

Mueller acknowledges her own sobriety issues in the declaration. She said she is in a day rehab treatment program, but that she can care for the children for four hours during the day and at night. She told the court that she would be living with a sober companion, and that her mother would help with the twins' care.

Ladies: You do have a choice in men. You do. You have freedoms other women in other parts of the world or in past times will never know. Don't be so stupid with that freedom. Your vagina, while a glorious example of God's good work, will not change guys like Sheen. Sheen's role in life will be to continue as a counduit moving studio funds to prostitutes and drug dealers. And fodder for the overabundent "entertainment" journalists.

I've subjected myself to mistreatment before (though not physical abuse). But I eventually wised up, and thankfully didn't marry in such a situation nor make babies.

What say you?

A Waste of Human Potential

People can be convinced to do just about anything, given the right conditions. You don't have to be stupid to allow yourself to fall into a trap. In fact, it often takes someone of high intelligence to be convinced to do some really bizarre things (think cultists who commit suicide together). Check out this Associated Press story by Jeff Karoub about Steven Demink, a very evil man who convinced some mothers to do some evil things. Please don’t think I’m excusing the mothers.

In real life, Steven Demink didn't have children, a college degree or a lasting career. Online, prosecutors say, he presented himself as Dalton St. Clair, an attractive single father and psychologist — a fantasy image authorities say the Michigan man used to persuade mothers across the country to commit unspeakable acts on their children.

Demink, 41, of Redford Township [Michigan, I’m thinking], preyed on single mothers for more than a year, prosecutors say, convincing them to sexually assault their children as a form of therapy. After pleading guilty Monday to six charges related to the sexual exploitation of children, Demink faces 15 years to life in prison when he is sentenced in June.

How was he able to do this?

Demink's alter-ego was a single father of a 14-year-old girl, prosecutors said, and he posted pictures of male models as his headshots.

It's a good thing he really didn’t actually have children.

In some cases, court documents say, Demink promised the women a date if they followed through with his directions.

Playing on desperation for a walking ATM can get you far.

Since authorities arrested him in October, seven children were rescued and at least three mothers have been arrested. Prosecutors say all of the children are now safe.

Isn't that a little like saying that an arson burn victim is now safe because she is no longer on fire?

Authorities say Demink chatted with mothers from New Hampshire, Florida, Idaho and elsewhere, persuading them to engage in sexual acts with their children and send images via e-mail or through a live web stream. The children ranged in age from 3 to 15.

Of course Florida had to be part of this. So many strange stories involve that state.

Demink told U.S. District Judge Gerald Rosen that before his arrest, he worked as a car salesman for about six months and before that for about five years at a local bank.

As if people didn't hate bankers and car salesmen enough already.

He said he completed a U.S. Customs and Border Protection training program in 2002 and worked for the Immigration and Naturalization Service for about a year.

That explains a lot.

As part of his plea agreement with prosecutors, seven charges against Demink were dropped.

I'm assuming the plea agreement was meant to spare victims a trial?

In one case, Demink started online chats with an Oregon woman about the sexual development of her 8-year-old autistic son, according to the plea agreement. He told her to engage in sexually explicit conduct with her son as a way to teach him about sex, prosecutors say, and she did so while Demink watched on a web camera.

You wonder how someone could fall for this, but people fall for all sorts of foolishness. I'm sure if we could be taken through how this happened step by step, we'd have a better understanding of how the mother could have suspended her judgment enough to do this. A lot of it could be the power we give to psychologists.

A Teton County Sheriff's Office report from December 2009 said the Idaho woman met "Daltonst28" on an online dating site called singleparentmeet.com. She told police she performed sex acts on her young son as directed by her online male friend.

The woman's mother, Eileen Schwab of Idaho, said she knows little of how Demink convinced her daughter to follow his orders. She said her daughter was "depressed and lonesome" after her divorce.

Good for Schwab. She decided to protect her grandchildren and the children of others over her protecting her own daughter from legal consequences.

Demink's attorney, Timothy Dinan, said his client "has expressed a lot of remorse" for what he did and has taken responsibility by pleading guilty.

He's probably just sorry he got caught. What a waste of human potential.

I'm glad law enforcement isn't letting the mothers off of the hook. I do wonder if the charges would have been the same and if the news article would have been the same if the sexes were switched - if this had been about some women convincing single fathers to molest their daughters.

Learn how to think clearly, critically, and discern. Don't blindly accept whatever "experts" tell you. Ask them to explain how they came to their conclusions. Some very intelligent and educated people have believed some very wrong things. Look for contradictions. And if something doesn't pass the smell test, think very hard more than once about it.

The Latest Shark Attack on Dr. Laura Schlessinger

I used to listen to Howard Stern. I've read his books. I've seen his movie. We even have at least one mutual friend. Listening to his show allowed me to listen to other shows, because of the 20-minute marathon commercial breaks. When he left terrestrial radio for satellite, I figured I would keep up on his show by reading recaps on the fan sites, as I wasn't motivated to pay for radio. Turns out the overwhelming majority of his listeners weren't motivated to pay for radio, either. Turns out I wasn't motivated enough to even read the recaps. In my life, just as in the larger pop culture, Stern's relevance has become a faint shadow of what it had been.

In my case, it can probably chalked up to maturing. Nationally, it is not just his move to pay radio, but also TV shows like Jersey Shore and other "reality" shows essentially doing his show on television. Stern's stuff is very funny to adolescent boys, at least the first few times they hear it. When he was a struggling father and long-married husband who made fun of others for getting drunk, and fought with his boss, people could identify with him. But that all changed. I most enjoyed Robin Quivers' news, and I'm a sucker for parody,so I enjoyed those aspects of the show even as I vehemently disagreed with some of the things Stern said or some of his tone.

There is radio for which I'm willing to pay. I started paying so I could get Dr. Laura’s podcasts, just before she announced she was changing the nature of and base for her show by moving to pay radio.

If you haven't heard yet, Howard Stern's prankster fans did a shark attack on Dr. Laura's show yesterday, apparently trashing the second and third hour so horribly that they weren't podcasted (at least not when I downloaded the first hour). They called with bogus calls, made cryptic and not-so cryptic references to Stern's show, and called Dr. Laura Anglo-Saxon words you can't hear on terrestrial radio because the FCC will fine the broadcaster into oblivion.

Stern has loyal, hardcore fans who, living with their parents and collecting checks from the government, have nothing better to do with their time than play toadie for the bully. If they can get their rude verbal assaults rebroadcast on Stern's show as Stern points out what his toadies did to another show, it is the highlight of their year. If Stern doesn't explicity organize and direct these assaults, he certainly encourages them.

There's no winning this sort of thing. Dr. Laura is on the air fewer hours of the day than Stern. Her show is about helping people, not tearing down others. Her listeners are busy working, loving their spouses, and raising their kids. Stern's toadies (a small subset of his listeners) have a lot of free time, stunted emotional development, and a fixation on insults and offensive disruption.

I'm not sure if there is a way to get Stern to stop attacking Dr. Laura on the air, and thus getting the toadies to stop. Has he made a specific demand? I haven't been playing close attention to Stern for many years now, but based on what he used to say and what scant scraps I've read more recently, my guess is that he attacks Dr. Laura because she teaches things like "It's wrong to kill an innocent human being for any reason other than self-defense", her propogating the ideal of saving sex for marriage, and for her past problems with the content of Stern's show and movie, especially now that she has done what he did – moved to satellite to avoid attacks on advertisers. Stern probably feels like she either should have stuck up for him during his battles in the past or shut up about her battles now.

But there is a difference. Stern's show, and related problems, had to do with pushing racy content for titillation. Dr. Laura's show, and related problems, had to do with instilling morals and ethics. If Stern truly can't see the difference, then he has a serious problem.

I'm interested in seeing how Dr. Laura handles this major shark attack. Is there a way to resolve it without a face-to-face broadcasted meeting between Dr. Laura and Howard Stern? Would Dr. Laura agree to such a thing? I wonder what their "bosses" at Sirius XM think about all of this?

Boiling Springs Teachers in Hot Water

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One Man's Tale of a Bad Marriage

"J." wrote in to Dr. Laura, prompted by having read one of her books, and explained that he'd just had his 36th wedding anniversary and he told his wife on that day that he was filing for divorce. He'll likely be paying her for the rest of his life.

About ten years ago, I spent a lot of time on the computer trying to bring my income back up due to some industry changes that had gutted my annual income. I was successful in my effort but I had neglected my wife during that time and made her what she called a computer widow. This was about a two year period. I saw my mistake and transferred ownership of the website to a colleague and spent time trying to repair my mistake.

He recognized his mistake; his intentions were good, but his priorities were off - and decided to fix the situation.

My wife did not respond. She shut down and punished me for seven years. Seven years I tried and tried to get her into therapy, to read your books or anything that would break new ice queen persona. According to her she just closed up shop. I pleaded with her telling her a man can only go so long with no intimacy and I resisted every day the urge to respond to "offers" from women who had no problem with wanting to be intimate.

Most women do not grasp that the average man has to muster a lot more to repress his natural desire to respond to adulterous sexual invitation, especially if he's not getting enough lovin' from the wife, than the average woman has to muster to turn down such offers. In general, this is a huge natural difference between the sexes. There are many reasons why this is true – everything from the general nature of male sexuality to the fact that men, in general, want sex more than women, and the fact that women are accustomed to being pursued and rejecting offers, while men normally have to pursue a woman and win her over.

I told her one day I would likely not resist and to please respond. She refused. That day came and then she wanted to get help. It was too late. I had waited seven long years to get her to open up and it was too long. Sex was not the only area I lacked, it was a lack of intimacy that killed me. Finally, sex got down to three times in a year.

Three times a year. What a waste of life.

We are now headed for divorce and she has moved in with some really abusive and nutty guy and thinks he loves her.

Yeah, that sounds better.

I held off the divorce for almost three years so she could stay on my insurance and now I am getting bad mouthed for finally filing.

Looks like you're too much of a nice guy. Notice she went to an abuser. She's probably turned on by him and having sex with him often.

A Real Housewife of Orange County

Erika I. Ritchie of the Orange County Register reports on some interesting doings in Lake Forest, California. Looks like more script material for Law & Order: SVU. For the sake of discussion, I will assume the article accurately reports the relevant information of a truthful police report and truthful statements from the wife. Remember, everyone is considered innocent until proven guilty in a court of law... blah blah blah...

So the hubby was arrested after turning himself in. He is accused of beating and duct-taping his wife. But there's more. A lot more.

Alireza Sazegari, 31, was arrested on witness intimidation, spousal abuse, kidnapping and assault with a deadly weapon, said sheriff's spokesman Jim Amormino.

Can’t you just see this guy on Dr. Phil?

According to police reports, Orange County sheriff's deputies responded Wednesday morning to the couple's home in the 25000 block of Rivendell after the wife's friend found her beaten and bound in duct tape in the bathroom.

Thank God for that friend.

The 30-year-old wife, who's name has not been released, told police that her husband frequently beat her and didn't let her leave the house unless she was with him or unless she went to work, said Deputy Richard Nelson. She also told them that she is limited to specific rooms in the house.

Please tell me that they don’t have any children. If they don't, one might wonder why she didn't flee while at work. But she’s most likely developed something like the Stockholm Syndrome.

Deputies found 20 cameras in the house that appeared to be remotely monitored by Sazegari via his iPhone, Nelson said.

Freak.

The wife told police that her husband became angry after she spoke to an unauthorized man. She said he beat her and forced her to call in sick at work, Nelson said.

An "unauthorized man"? Unauthorized by her husband, I presume. Or is that some bizarre new euphemism for an illegal alien?

She told deputies that she'd been warned by Sazegari not to leave the bathroom and that if police became involved Sazegari had threatened to kill her. She told police that Sazegari had taken her cell phone and locked the house phone, Nelson said.

Deputies also found $10,000 worth of surveillance cameras and fingerprint-activated door locks, Nelson said.

He'll have better conditions and less supervision in prison.

What are the odds that this marriage was essentially forced?

What are the odds he'll still get chicks?

This is an example of where I would be in favor of a woman getting just about everything in a divorce. Should a guy like that really get half of the marital assets? No way. Just think... their money (which means her money, too) will go to pay for his defense. Ugh.

Hellish Marriage and Puppy Love

Dear Abby had a couple of letters of relationships gone wrong, and I have to wonder where daddy is in both cases. NO VISIBLE WOUNDS wrote:

I have been married to "Ted" for 15 years. We have three school-age children. My husband is extremely narcissistic and passive-aggressive. During our entire relationship, he has been controlling and manipulative, as well as emotionally, economically and sexually abusive.

Taking her at her word, either she got knocked up by him right away out of wedlock (mistake) and decided to marry him, or she decided to make the first baby knowing he was this way (even bigger mistake). She went on to make two more babies with him. That was wrong on her part.

That being said...

"Controlling" is often what women call a man who ever tells them "no" or otherwise refuses to do everything they request. Same goes for "manipulative".

I'm not sure what she means by "emotionally, economically and sexually abusive" – Does she mean that he makes fun of Oprah, asks her not to buy yet another purse, and asks for fellatio, or does she mean he says he hates her, gambles away money she earned, and bites her labia?

I have remained in the marriage this long because I thought keeping the family intact was the right thing to do for my children.

The right thing was not to make babies with the guy, if he is really so bad.

(Ted doesn't abuse them. I am his only victim.)

That does hurt them. The best way a man can love his children is to first and foremost love their mother (provided the kids should be with the mother in the first place).

She's going to file for divorce, so she goes on to write...

Because Ted is very good at projecting a "good guy" image, I'm sure that people won't believe he is abusive. Should I be open about the reason for the divorce and be accused of lying?

This is why it is a good idea to file charges when someone assaults you – to have it on the record. Tell people he broke his vows (if that is the truth) and that you felt the divorce was necessary to protect the children. However, without evidence of abuse on his part, the children are going to have time alone with him - and any woman he's with.

Dear Abby tells her to gossip to some girlfriends. Nice. Hey, they already know. Where is that woman's father?

UNCERTAIN TEEN IN BEAVERTON, ORE. wrote:

I am an 18-year-old male. When I was 15, I met a girl on the Internet. We talked pretty often, visited each other and had a lot in common. I fell in love with her, as much as a teenager can love someone. Eventually we hit some bumps in the relationship and she broke up with me. We have rarely spoken since.

Abby, even though it was a teenage relationship and it was over long ago, it still hurts. Is this normal?

It isn't all that uncommon. You need perspective. In my opinion, the best way to have perspective is to focus on God, work on your studies, and hang out with friends. A lot of guys, however, find perspective through casual sex. Either way, you wouldn't see this past relationship as such a big deal. My guess is that the kid had sex with this girl and hasn't had sex since, or is a virgin.

Even Dear Abby points out...

And yes, it hurts, usually until you find yourself involved in another one.

Yup.

I'll tell you a secret: MOST people lack confidence when it comes to romance. But lasting love usually grows out of meaningful friendship.

Wait – lasting love and confidence are two different things. He can get confidence by having lots of casual sex, never finding lasting love. But he's likely to find lasting love with a quality woman if he gains confidence through character-building.

He should know that most women his age are going to be dating older guys. He should also know that most women his age are just as insecure and unsure as he is, if not more.

If he just wants sex he'll do better with older women, but of course there are always negative consequences.

If he keeps himself from getting emotionally entangled and instead focuses on his education and career and making good financial decisions, and does what he wants to do, in a few years the women will be there in his path, waiting for his request for a date.

Where's his father?

Mind Games

One of the blogs in my blogroll is "A Shrink For Men". It bills itself as "a blog for professional men in complicated relationships and dissatisfying careers combining psychology, insight, humor, irony, sexuality, and social commentary."

Although geared towards men, the ladies can find some important insight there – and it could be helpful to a brother, son, or friend.

I want to call special attention to this recent entry there, entitled "How Abusive Women Brainwash You". Some of the techniques described are also employed by abusive men, but men no doubt have other techniques women don’t tend to use. I am fascinated by brainwashing, but also groupthink and cultic behavior – which can both go hand in hand with brainwashing. A group doesn’t have to be overtly religious to be cultic – it could be a political group, a club, even just a bunch of people starting out as friends.

Here's a snippet from the essay, but I implore you to check out the whole thing.

You question your judgment, perceptions and sense of reality. She tells you she loves you yet continues to treat you horribly. You believe she loves you and that you must be a colossal jerk for her to always be so upset. If she's successfully isolated you or gotten you to isolate yourself, you can’t reality test her version of events or receive outside support. By this time, she's made you totally dependent upon her and solely focused upon pleasing her, gaining her approval and avoiding her wrath or disapproval. You probably feel completely alone. Alternatively, if you're still in contact with friends and family, you fear that if you tell them what's going on that they wouldn't believe you or wouldn’t understand.

Another Statistic

Looks like we have another case of a bad boy knocking up a woman, then making her life hell until he finally murdered her. Ah, but there will be no trial for him. This comes from the Orange County Register, and takes place in beautiful Anaheim, home of the Angels and Disneyland.

A man wanted on suspicion of abducting his 5-year-old son and killing the boy's mother and her boyfriend earlier in the day was shot by police Wednesday night and later declared dead, officials said.

About 6 p.m., undercover officers fired at and wounded Anthony Castillo, 31, who they suspect killed Heather Courtney Sorensen, 31, and Stephen Rene Serna, 35, according to Anaheim police Sgt. Rick Martinez.

Stephen chose to date a single mother of a minor child – which is a no-no, whether you are just looking for sex or a looking for marriage. Sadly, he paid for it with his life. His poor family.

Martinez said Castillo was armed and a gun was found near him.

Even if there had been no gun found, it would have been reasonable for cops to assume he was armed, after what he did.

Castillo is suspected of shooting to death Sorensen, the mother of his son, and her boyfriend, Serna, during a confrontation around 5:45 a.m.

More proof that Serna was neither a category 3 nor 4. Otherwise, he wouldn't have been there at that time. Category 4 types don't linger after the deed, and don't shack up.

Castillo showed up at the apartment – armed with a gun – and got into a shouting argument with Sorensen, Martinez said. The confrontation ended when Castillo fatally shot the two, police said.

This is one of the things that can go very wrong when you get involved with the wrong people.

After the shooting, Castillo was seen running through the apartment complex with his 5-year-old son… An Amber Alert was issued to help locate the missing child, and he was found safe around 10 a.m. at his grandparents' home

At least the son wasn't physically harmed. He's been subjected to enough evil with the drama he's no doubt lived with since he was born, and being present at the murder of his mother.

Castillo has had previous encounters with law enforcement as recently as two weeks ago, when police were called to Sorensen’s apartment regarding a domestic dispute involving Castillo, Martinez said.

Sounds like a real prince.

What a horrible story all around. The one upside is that the taxpayers will not be paying for a trial, endless appeals, and lifetime incarceration with food and medical care for the murderer. I don't know for certain another person's heart or their relationship with God (or whether their brain was literally broken to the point of uncontainable insanity), but as someone who does believe in both Heaven and Hell, I can take a guess where Castillo is spending eternity.

Ladies, be very careful who you let in to your body.