To New College Students and Those Newly On-Campus

Your whole life might have been leading up to this point, especially if you're attending college straight from high school.

This is for people starting college or new to attending class on-campus or new to living in a dorm. If you're going back to school as an "older" student this might not be as helpful.

While plans change, if you don't have any idea what you want to do, you shouldn't be going to college unless you have a full ride or it's an inexpensive community college.You don't want to waste money or time. It doesn't have to be this precise: "I want to be a registered investment advisor at John Doe Investments." It can be, but it doesn't have to be. But it should be specific enough that you know which school or department you want to be in. Lab sciences. Business. History. Graphic arts. Mathematics. You get the idea.

Here are seven things to remember.

1. Getting a Degree - Remember why you’re there. You’re there to get a degree. Consider classes that are in the evening, on weekends, on Monday morning or first thing any day, and late Friday. Evening and weekend classes are especially likely to have other students who are experienced and are serious about their studies. Figure out what the instructor REALLY wants from students. Make office visits (or one-on-one calls or meetings, if remote) and communicate with the instructor as needed, but don’t make their life difficult. They are usually happy to help a student who shows enthusiasm for their areas of expertise.

Unless you're going just to get your parents off your back, you probably have a goal in attending. Don't lose sight of that goal. But... be flexible. Relatively few people graduate with a degree in the major they originally thought they would and end up landing a lifelong job in the career they were intending when they first went off to college. People change majors, people change their minds, life happens, things change. Some people drop out.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of jobs that require a college degree even if it isn't truly necessary to do the job. If you want one of those jobs, you need to get the degree.

You're there to get a degree that will open more doors in employment. Having a degree has upsides and virtually no downsides (once you get past the cost in money and time).

DO NOT let an entry-level or service job hurt your studies. Don’t fall into the trap of working more hours because you need the cash to the detriment of your progress. This is not the same thing as having a great opportunity in business. 

If, early on, you realize you want to change majors, don't hesitate to do so. Do it ASAP. If you get to the point you're close to graduation and you realize, "I don't want to be a History teacher after all," go ahead and complete your degree. Having a degree, and maybe having one in History, can still help you.

Dropping out of college, which means not getting a degree, isn't always a bad thing. One reason why is that you've done the next thing so successfully that getting a degree becomes superfluous.

2. Networking - I considered making this first. That’s how important it is. The proximity principle comes to mind. This is one reason evening instructors can be preferable: many of them have day jobs.

As much as you’re there to get a degree, you’re there to network with people who will help you reach your life goals.

Networking with other students as well as professors and other staff and guests/visitors is important. Treating college as nothing more than a classroom is usually a mistake in that it misses opportunities.

Take advantage of the fact that you’re surrounded, or at least connected, to so many other people who share some of the same interests, talents, and goals as you, and will have the same alma mater as you the rest of your lives.

Connect with good people, people who are going to be doing the kinds of things you want to do.

Unfortunately, I have nothing to say about fraternities other than do your research. I simply don’t know enough about them, but I tend to prefer more freedom. 

3. Knowledge, talent, skills, practices, habits - This is often not the same thing as getting a degree. Learn useful things. Developing good systems that work for you will benefit you for the rest of your life. This is even more about how what you do outside of the classroom.

Some instructors not only know more than you on the subject, but more than they will teach. Most professors love to talk, love to share what they’ve learned beyond what they have time to do in a classroom. If they’ve written the textbooks, ask them questions you think of as you go through it. But again, don’t be someone they hate to see dropping by or contacting them. 

4. Friendships - This often not the same thing as networking. Who is a good person? Who is a good friend? College can be one of the best places to make new friends. Friends can help you with everything else on this list. Don’t get dragged down by someone who is perpetually dysfunctional or needy.

 

5. Dating - Never let women interfere with making the most of college. You shouldn’t have “a” girlfriend, certainly not one “back home.” Don’t let a woman determine what you’re doing in college. For example, don’t take a class because a woman is.

You’ll never again be surrounded by so many young, hot, available women looking to explore and have fun.

Running game is great, but there is the risk these days of false allegations getting you kicked out of the university or harassed.

Especially if you’re young, you might want to find the local cougar hangouts. There are always older women looking for young college men, and being with them avoids the potential problems of being with campus women. 

6. Avoid Brainwashing - It often starts with orientation or even before, and can involve administration, faculty, campus groups, etc. Think critically and question in your mind what’s being told to you. There’s so much crap being taught and imposed in academia and so much intolerance. You might have to pretend to go along with groupthink, at least some of the time. Pick your battles and play the game.  If politics or ministry is how you intend to make your living you might want to make a point of speaking up and questioning the crap, but otherwise you might be better off just observing and taking notes. Christians, you don't need to get into spoken or written battles over every perceived dig at your faith; don't cast pearls before swine.

Remember that expertise is not wisdom, and regularly read, watch, or listen to content that dissents from the groupthink.

7. Smell the Roses - While it may seem like you’re facing an eternity of studies ahead of you, in many ways it’s going to be over quickly. Take a little time here and there to enjoy what the campus and surrounding area have to offer outside of the classroom. But… don’t fart around. Don’t lose focus on getting the degree, networking, and learning. 

Have anything to add? Share it in the comments.

Is College Part of a Racket?

Yes, college is part of a racket, in most cases.

But sometimes, people have to go along with a racket.

I have a Bachelors degree.

Charlie Kirk didn’t, and he was way more successful in his short life than I have been in my longer life.

But… Charlie Kirk was a rare man. Very few people are going to be able to make a living speaking and debating at colleges, doing a podcast/national radio show, leading organizations like Turning Point USA, and whatever else Kirk did. Few people have what it takes, and there’s only a few spots that exist for someone like that.

Employers demand degrees for many of their higher paying positions. For some, it’s legitimate. For others, it’s a lazy screening technique. But it’s a fact of life.

If you have a way you can make a legit, good living without getting a college degree, especially if you’ve already made a good living and didn’t get a degree (comment to tell us about it), good for you. That’s great.

But we shouldn’t pretend most people, especially most men, will thrive without a degree.

Yes, colleges are often Leftist, especially misandrist, indoctrination centers. Yes there’s a lot of waste and inflated costs. But as long as employers have degrees as a requirement for being hired or promoted, it’s a racket that must be endured.

I highly recommend anyone going to college but without a scholarship that covers all or most of it spend as little as they can by using their community college and state college systems. Yes, the “elite” schools enable lucrative networking. There are other ways of networking, though.

If you’re no longer in your late teens or early 20s, don’t let that discourage you from going “back to school.” If your goal requires a degree, go for it.

On the other hand, if you can thrive without college, and if you’re good at learning things other ways, don’t think you must go to college because you were “supposed to” or your parents always wanted you to.

It’s your life.

High School Reunions and Keeping in Touch With Classmates

Does your high school class have reunions? Does your high school have general reunions or have an alumni association that does? Should you go to them?

With social media, we can keep in touch with any classmates or fellow alumni we want to. Still, there can be a social dynamic that happens with in-person mingling with a wider mix of classmates that can't happen on social media or meeting up with just a few classmates.

Obviously, if high school was hell for you because you had few friends or positive acquaintances, you don't have a good reason to go - other than to show off and rub it into the faces of those who mistreated you or rejected you that you're successful/happy now, if you are.

That brings me to three reasons why you might go, in no particular order.

1) To hook up

2) Business networking

3) To show off

If you'd have to travel, you have to think if it is worth it. Reunions, like Proms, have been given mythical status by Hollywood, but for most people they don't amount to much of anything.

Have a bunch of old friends you want to get together? You can set that up outside of an official reunion.

Whether wanting to hook up, get a job, or sell something, you can have an edge simply because you went to the same high school (which usually means, simply because of where your parents chose to live at that time).

Let's talk about hooking up.

Jumping to Conclusions

Man kills self, woman most affected. (Consider that a trigger warning.)

I posted about this on Twitter but I wanted to write more about it here.

Congrats to the Guys Who Avoided the Prom and Promposals

If you were enjoying your time in high school, you might be bummed that it was abruptly ended for you, especially if you were a Senior.

But guys, at least you have avoided The Prom and, hopefully, an embarrassing Promposal.

You're better off.

Self-Inflicted Wounds Can Be the Most Painful

On our very first date, the woman who later became my wife asked me for my thoughts on how children should be raised. I told her that strangers would not be raising my children.

If that sounds like strange first date banter, that's because our fist date happened a few months after I was introduced to her and after we'd since communicated some important things about ourselves to each other, including that we were looking for an eventual spouse.

After I told her that strangers would be raising my children, I told her I was flexible about how that would be accomplished. I was open to being the one to stay with the kids, for example. She quickly said she'd be the one to stay with the kids. As it turns out, her three main goals in life were to work in the profession she did, to marry, and to be a mother, and by be a mother she wanted to mother, not hire other people to babysit/raise her kids five days a week.

The other day there was a call to Dr. Laura from a woman who wanted to put her four year-old into a weekday program at their church that took preschoolers several hours a day three days per week. Dr. Laura quickly identified it as daycare, insisted that children do not like such programs, and pointed out that nobody cares about a child as much as that child's mother.

I agree, at least with the last phrase. However, I do think some children may actually prefer these programs over being with mom if being with mom means being stuck at home, without friends at that.

The problem is, when Dr. Laura is making these comments, she's thinking of only one child being involved (she only had one) and she's envisioning a mother taking their one child on bicycle rides and walks, to the park, etc. That also what I thought I was getting - a wife who'd be that kind of mother to our children. After all, she had a full-time job working with children and knew about child development and the needs of children, and she wanted to be a stay-with-kids mother.


Our daughter is in grade school. My wife is homeschooling her. We also have a son. My wife wants to stick our son into pretty much the same program the caller described, only for two days a week instead of three. She says it is just too difficult to teach our daughter when our son delights in interfering, especially when it is to torment his sister (at which he excels). And she says it is just for this school year, since he'll have his own schoolwork to do next year.

I can hear Dr. Laura's first solution in my head: do the schoolwork at a park where the boy can play nearby.

But my wife doesn't feel she can do that safely - not with two children.

Then how about letting grandma take the boy twice a week?

My wife's mother is a drunk and forbidden by my wife (with my full support) to look after our children. My own mother lives an hour away and has other responsibilities.

Why not move closer to my mother?

This is the house my wife wanted.

Why not move closer to her now?

Our excellent credit has been tarnished due to decisions by my wife. We're not moving anywhere.

Why not stick the daughter in school?

Public schools suck in our neighborhood and our state has turned public schools into madhouses in general.

Why not stick the daughter in private school?

I don't have the money. In part because of all the money I pay to fund the unusable public schools.

Why not become a stay-with-kids dad and have the wife go to work?

She is done working. She's not going to go back full-time, and we can't disrupt my work situation because we need the insurance due to my wife's medical situations.


Why did you pick her to be the mother of your children if she is incapable?

She seemed capable. She had no children yet, so how could I be sure? There's much she and her family did not reveal to me until after we were married and had children.

Why did you have two children instead of one?

My wife insisted that she didn't want our daughter being an only child, and I had no idea that having two children instead of one would be such a problem for her.

Tell her to bite the bullet and be a mother to her son.

Well, yeah, except she has the trump card.

I expressed my opinion, even though it resulted in exactly what I figured it would - she's feeling hurt and upset, and nothing's going to change for the better. Everyone in my family has always urged us to stick the kids into "pre-school". It is clear they think she's a crappy mother, or at least unable to be a good mother. Yet my sisters also urge me to discuss my concerns with my wife - whether with this or anything else. But it is pointless. The only thing it changes is that it diminishes her happiness/satisfaction, and I take no pleasure in that. Why make both of us less happy?

As unromantic or selfish or otherwise wrong that it seems or may be, I married because I wanted (one of us) to raise my own children in the best circumstances and because I like sex and I wanted an enthusiastic lovemaking partner who would enjoy how I loved her and would enjoy loving me, and I wanted to live by what I'm convinced is the the truth: sex is for marriage. How many Christian men are in the same boat? Don't give me "You're supposed to marry someone because you can't live without them." Please. Most marriages in the Bible and in history were not about that. And clearly, considering how well I was doing and how long I had lived on my own, I could live just fine without any woman as my wife.

Both of those reasons I married are dead. The kids will grow up, and if they turn out badly, they'll be society's problem, not mine. I don't count on the situation with the sex getting any better. Ever. It's not important to her, and what I want isn't as important to her as her own preferences, and again, talking about it will not change that, it will only make her feel bad.

Here's where things get a little more adult. You are warned.

Knocking Up Teacher

Melissa Pamer and Tony Shin at NBC’s Los Angeles O & O has this story which has been all over the news around here:

A Redlands high school teacher accused of having a baby allegedly fathered by a teen student pleaded not guilty Tuesday to 41 counts of sex and oral copulation with a minor.

Laura Elizabeth Whitehurst, 28, was arrested July 1 after the mother of a Citrus Valley High student contacted school officials about the suspected relationship between her son and the English teacher.

She was charged Monday with crimes alleged to have involved the boy -- who was 16 when the relationship began, according to police -- and two other teen students who are now adults.

Later:

Authorities said Whitehurst had given birth June 18 to a baby fathered by the student with whom she had had a nearly year-long affair. The boy attended the baby’s birth, according to court documents.

Later:

Then, at least two other men came forward and said they had had sexual relations with Whitehurst in 2007 and 2008.

One of the alleged victims spoke to NBC4 Southern California, saying he never felt victimized but wanted to share his story so that others might come forward to tell police about their experiences with Whitehurst.

Finally:

Whitehurst is charged with 30 counts of unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor, and 11 counts of oral copulation of a person under 18.

If convicted as charged, Whitehurst could face up to 29 years in state prison, the District's Attorney's Office said.

So there's yet another criminal case that's hit the news lately about a young female teacher "having sex" with multiple minor male students. Unless the teacher is decidedly unattractive (this latest one isn't), one of the common responses to this is along the lines of:

Group Projects in School

In this Dear Abby edition, a girl is concerned about a group project she has in school. I have some bad memories of group projects from junior high and grade school. I didn't want my grade to depend on someone else's effort or competency. I liked contributing ideas, but I wasn't going to be very assertive about it – and thus I'd get overruled by stronger personalities, since at that age it was more about personalities rather than the ideas (and I'm well aware that some workplaces are like that). I didn't mind being part of a relay team in competitive swimming - everyone tried their hardest and it was really clear what each person contributed.

In contract to earlier schooling, I have fond memories of group projects in college.

What made the difference?

Choice.

My guess is that group projects in middle school and grade school are a matter of laziness – the teacher will have fewer projects to evaluate. The justification for them that is given is that people have to work together in the workforce, so this is good training.

But there's a huge difference from those classrooms and the workplace. Most kids do not choose their classmates, do not choose their teacher, do not choose their school, and often don't choose the subject matter. In contrast, we apply to work the jobs we do. Part of what we consider is what kind of work it is and the people with whom we'll be working. If it doesn't work out, it is possible to quit. Plus, we get paid to work. We pay for public schooling whether or not we use it.

College is voluntary, as are a lot of the classes taken in college. I liked the group projects with which I was involved in college, because it was a subject matter I chose, and all of the other people also chose that subject matter. And we were mature. It was hard work, but it was pleasant.

How about you? Do you have horror stories of group projects, either in the workplace or in school?