A Change in Perspective

At the opening of her Wednesday, January 18. 2023 program, Dr. Laura read something written by a man with the title of  "All The Wrong Reasons I Pursued Love with Women Why I'm Changing Now".

Here's what it said:

*****
I was taking women out because I lacked the confidence to say no.

I had a fear that if I didn't spend a lot of money or time on them they wouldn't want me or see me.

I was using dating to get my needs met. Sometimes I was just horny and needed some fun or relief, but I wouldn't communicate that.

I felt that nobody would give me that, so ultimately I would end up paying for an expensive date out and about, listening to her babble on and on, and buying her gifts.

I also had a belief that my value was tied to my wealth.

I also learned that when I was horny and not having sex, I wasn't able to think clearly anymore.

It no longer became about enjoying life, but about ego. Will she stay with me? Am I good enough for her?

I never asked myself if I was enjoying these relationships.

I also learned that I could do and have what I wanted without giving up so much of my time, money, and freedom.

We have a tendency to spend and do tasks to keep a woman because of fear, and this is something I wanted to challenge.

I want to see what it is like to stop paying costs I didn't have to, and trust I will have a better life if I learn to limit my dates and learn to enjoy my own company.

And I have a feeling that will be much more rewarding than I can imagine.

I've also learned that my hard work and resulting earnings are sacred. I want to keep control over my wealth.

I will no longer take women on lavish dates who don't want to have the kind of fun with me that I like.

Staying free has helped me develop my own set of beliefs and flourishing into someone I can respect.
*****

Just kidding. That's not what it said. Everything above does have an analogy to the sentences Dr. Laura read. But what she read was from something written by a woman and the title was "All the Wrong Reasons I Slept with Men Before and Why I’m Changing Now." Dr Laura DID NOT cite on the air where the essay was posted and who wrote it. Instead, she was very limited in what she actually read from the essay, even removing important phrases from some sentences.

Dr. Laura left out the parts about how this involved supposedly Buddhist meditation, from someone raised as a Southern Baptist, and how this person doesn't believe in a need for get a state license for marriage, nor for marriage to be permanent; check in frequently to see if the relationship should continue. What we have here is a woman who rode the carousel. And now that she's older, her hormones are changing, and the men she can attract aren't as high in their social status, she's basically saying she's only going to have sex if she feels an emotional connection, rather than just for recreation. She can still go through many men per year, but she's going to pretend it's much more profound than what she was doing before.

I'm not faulting a single woman for thinking she's going to put more meaning behind when she has sex. But let's be clear about what's going on here, and what Dr. Laura did with the text.

And what we have another example showing that men can get young women with no strings attached and little time, money, and effort spent by running game.

Why Isn't There Running Game Advice For Husbands?

You may have noticed that my series of posts here about Running Game are addressed to men who aren't married and aren't in supposedly exclusive relationships.

That's because running game explains how to have more fun for less cost and hassle, and is very much about using and retaining power and freedom.

Husbands don't have power.

Husbands don't have freedom.

Husbands have signed away more than half of their income.
Husbands can only have fun when the wife is willing.

The wedding is game over.

I mean, if your wife agrees to an open marriage (or, you cheat, which I generally think is a terrible idea) you can run game. Your wife can even help you do it. But what are the odds of that? Or it lasting? There are also wives who let their husband have some semblance of power and freedom, but that's entirely voluntary on her part and can be rescinded at any time. It's like allowing a dog to go to the ends of a very long leash. He's still on a leash.

There are self-styled gurus, usually authors and/or vloggers/bloggers, who purport to teach husbands how to lead their wife or get what they want from their wife. Ultimately, though, she doesn't have to go along with any of it. If some choose to, great! But legally/financially and socially, she has the power. This is one reason why most marriages fail. Most women find the reality a turn-off.

If you're not married, don't marry. But if you are married, the best you can hope for is your wife voluntarily letting you take charge and get what you want.

Being His Lover - Part 2: He Wants To Satisfy You

In Part 1 of this series, I explained that, if most relationships with a man, being a good lover is important and it can be easy.

But it's not all about him.

Unless you chose poorly, your man wants you to be sexually satisfied. He wants to rock your world.

But men are not mind readers, so you have to clearly tell us or, even better, show us what you want, what gets your toes curling, what makes you feel loved. (If you don't already know, you'll need to think about it and also probably get to "know" yourself much better.)

We will do it!

Constructive encouragement and clever redirection will help. Criticism or complaining will destroy. Penises don't take criticism well, and men generally have fragile egos when it comes to sex.

Is he doing something you don't like? Is there something you'd rather he be doing at that moment? "Beg" for him to do X, which gets him to stop doing Y without you saying "Don't do Y!" Or tell him, "What will really drive me wild right now is if you..."

"Yesss!" is great. Examples:
"Yes, just like that."
"Yes, don't stop!"
"Yes, a little higher."
"Yes, a little lower."
"Yes, a little to the side."
"Yes, a little faster."
"Yes, a litter slower."
"Yes, a little softer."
"Yes, a little harder."

After everything is over, like the next day or something, reinforce for him what you liked. "Thank you so much. It was especially great when you..." You might also say, "I'm a little curious. Maybe one of these days we could try..."

We also don't want to be selfish, so if it is one of those occasions you're unprepared or unwilling to let him "get you there" but you still see the benefit of "taking care" of him, tell him that in a way that doesn't make it sound like sex is a burden or you're not interested or he's unattractive to you. That can be something like saying in a sultry voice, "Ooh, I want to do this so bad. Just let me do this, this time while you just relax and enjoy." If he thinks you enjoy doing something sexual to him for the sheer sake of him enjoying it, that's a turn-on and a great feeling to a man.

Rejection hurts. It can ruin your relationship. If he's feeling horny but you are not in the mood and he's not going to be able to get you into the mood, instead of "Ugh, not again!" it would be much better to say and do something like "Hey, stud, how about you relax and let me..." You can fill in the blank. Of course there will be times in which any form of sex is not going to work for you at all, and if you married a good man, he will accept that. It is best if you reassure him you love him and love what you do together even as you "postpone" a session.

If he can't tell if you still need to orgasm, you want (another) one, he's probably done, and he doesn't have the presence of mind to ask if there is anything else he can do for you, you can try "I'm enjoying this so much, let's keep going." Show him/tell him what to do. "I need your talented tongue..." or "I need your fantastic fingers..."

I come (no pun intended) from the school of "she comes first." Hopefully, you can get him to adopt that if he hasn't already. The only drawback to that is that if it is one of those times you don't want to try or you know it's not going to happen, he has to switch to accepting that he gets it without you getting it. The problem with male physiology is that unless we're in an extremely, extraordinarily arousing situation, we lose our erection after orgasm and lose our interest for a bit, almost like some women apparently feel for the rest of their live after they eat their wedding cake (or, after they're done having kids, or have hit menopause). But we can be back to being erect and eager in a short amount of time, especially under the right circumstances.

Positive reinforcement and playful redirection are your friends. He's not a mind reader. He wants to please you. But you have to let him, and you have to show him how.

Being His Lover - Part 1: It Is Important and It Can Be Easy

This is going to talk bluntly about sex, and is intended to help women.

Assuming you married, or will marry or partner up with, a "typical" good man and not some sort of very odd guy or a bad man, it will help your relationship and benefit you much to be a great lover.

Sex is extremely important to most men. That's just the way God or nature made us. If you think it's just a matter of how we've been socialized, consider gay male subcultures and history. Even though our culture hasn't traditionally socialized men/boys to be gay, gay men demonstrate almost all of the same sexual nature found in heterosexual men as far as how important sex is, being visually stimulated and wanting to see skin, the desire for variety, enjoying the sight of others but still being happy and attracted to their lover, and more. And yeah, there are some women who feel a need for a lot of sex, women appreciate a good hardbody on a man, some women want sexual variety, but for most women, it's just not the same. Comparing men as a group and women as a group, and the "average" man and "average" woman, the male sex drive is far stronger, desire for diversity much more persistent, and the spectrum of attraction enormously wider.

The good news for women is that being a great lover is entirely within your power. You don't have to look like a swimsuit model. Also, if you are a great lover, most other things don't even matter, or matter much less. If you dented the car or he had a bad day at work, a good lovemaking session is likely to put him in a much better mood.

You don't have to talk with him for a long time, take him to dinner and a movie, bring him flowers or gifts, light candles, etc. All you have to do is please his peter, which you can do with your hands, mouth, breasts, and/or your "other cheeks" with or without showing any other skin. Or, if he's like me, getting his face between your thighs also works. Boom. He's having a better day. He could be watching sports, or doing any number of things that aren't sexy or romantic, and you can still get him aroused and to orgasm with no other preparation except maybe lubricant. (But if he's watching his favorite team, it's best to wait until it's over or until the halftime break, if there is one, unless what you're doing doesn't obstruct his view.)

There's a lot more to say, so I've decided to break this up into a series.

Part 2: He Wants to Satisfy You