Pledging Marriage For Life Doesn't Make Sense

Life is very different than when our marriage laws where written. Life is very different than when our customs about marriage were solidified.

Most people used to live their entire lives in the same place, unless they got traded away in slavery or were sent off to war. Upward mobility wasn't much of a thing. You grew up working the family farm or in the family business, or you got an apprenticeship in someone else's family business. Usually, everyone in the area shared the same religion. Most people lived in farming villages but even if you lived in a city, your prospects for partners were minimal. If you got paired up with someone, either per your family or your own efforts, you stuck with them because there was a little other choice. If you were a woman, leaving was likely to mean destitution. A man could rape his wife and beat her without running afoul of the law or society, and he could beat his children into submission or kick them out of the home. But for anyone who needed to raise his own help, a fertile wife and resulting children were appreciated. Leisure and recreation were limited and retirement wasn't much of a thing.

Today, we can reach around the world instantly with our communications, and travel to anywhere in the world in a matter of hours. We have the potential to interact with millions of people over our lifetime. Education and career training can take decades, we can take promotions offered from the other side of the planet, and changing jobs, changing entire careers, and moving from one residence to another is quite common. Family law can reward a woman for divorcing her husband, and her friends and other cultural elements might urge her to do so. Leisure and recreation play a much larger role in the lives of most of us, and most people expect to retire with decades left to live.

Too Few Friends?

 

Supposedly, people today have fewer actual friends; too few.

Friends can be good for many reasons. They can keep you in check, give you feedback, back you up, keep tabs on you, give you perspective, open your mind, enable experiences, connect you to job opportunities, and so much more. Some people will say a spouse can do those things, too. I switch that around. A friend can do many things a spouse might do, so you don’t need a spouse, and unlike a legal spouse, you can get rid them without paying if they become harmful.

If you need (more) friends, there are many ways to find some. But first, who is friend material to you?

A friend should be someone you’re not ashamed or embarrassed to be associated with or seen with. They mean well for you and you for them. Your relationship isn’t based on one of you trying to get something from the other, other than companionship, emotional support, and good times. They are someone you can trust to a reasonable extent. They aren’t a bad person as people go. They are someone you might want to share a meal with, exchange gifts with, share experiences with, confide in, do favors for. While charity can be something one provides for a friend, a chronic charity case is just that, not a friend. Friends aren’t projects.

If they’re someone who aggressively assaults or abuses, steals, causes trouble for less than noble reasons, is a drain on your energy or finances, is a junkie or drunk, or is friendly with you because they’re trying to convert you to their cult or MLM scheme, that’s not friend material.

They don’t need to be the same race, ethnicity, religion, or political affiliation as you.

Think about what you’re hoping to find in a friend. Is it someone you can play games with? Watch sports with? Hunt with? Listen to music with? Try new restaurants with? Look for women with? Ride motorcycles with? Restore classic cars with?

This is assuming you truly want new friends. Maybe you’re already happy with how things are and you don’t have time for new friends. But if you do have time or can make it, and you think it would be good, then you can make it happen.

Think about that, and in another post I’ll write about where to find friends.

Life is Generally Better

People who think life is terrible now lack perspective.

Life is terrible now? Compared to what???

This isn't to minimize individual tragedies, pain, loss, trauma, or horrors. I'm talking about the world in general, especially the West. If you read other entries in this blog, you see that I'm definitely not someone who advocates that people have children unless they really, really want them and can provide them a good home. But when I see people say the world is too messed up and that's why they're not having children, it defies understanding of history.

For most of human history, just about everyone worked - hard and usually physical labor with dangers - from about the time they could walk until they died. They worked long hours and six or seven days per week. Vacations? What are those??? Life was hard, it was very limited, and it was short. You lived your entire life in the place you were born, upward mobility wasn't much of a thing, your options for just about everything in life were far more limited than they are now. Rest, relaxation, leisure were in short supply. A disability was much more likely to mean an even more limited and shorter life. Treatment options for injuries, illnesses, and physical problems were very limited compared to now.

Personal net worth and access to goods and services was generally a tiny fraction of what it is now.

War, violence, famine, barbarity, corruption, oppression, injustice, disease, dealing with threats from animals and severe weather are the default state of human life; it is only by hard work at civilization that these things have been limited, when and where they have been. And they have been.

When people think of things they think they like about the past, it is always taken out of the larger context.

Just one of many examples today are Generation X people (and older) who reminisce about the 1980s. Maybe they'll mention the music, the movies, the television shows, video games, restaurant chains, or something along those lines. But that drops the context of the looming threat of nuclear world war, HIV seemingly poised to become a pandemic as a certain death sentence, and, conversely, countless other things we've enjoyed since, and just about all the works of art and entertainment enjoyed then are still available to enjoy now in some form.

There are a couple of major things that especially seem to dampen the outlook of younger adults and adolescents: education costs and housing costs. It's true that those have far outpaced inflation. As far as housing goes, there isn't really much new land being made. But we have plenty of land. It's really regulations that slow or prevent the construction of "enough" new units. This is, indeed, one of many problems with big government. Hopefully, this problem will be reduced somewhat by replacing existing apartment and condo buildings with taller ones, adding housing units to struggling malls, converting some floors of commercial high rises to housing, and with slowing population growth. Education costs are high because of what essentially amounts to cartels and government interference. There's no good reason educational costs shouldn't have decreased in comparison to inflation with the rise of technology.

Many other things darken the assessment of people of various ages, depending on their focus. One of the most oppressive for the Left and those who believe Leftists and their messengers is the dire pronouncements of climate change as an existential threat. A constant assertion that climate change is behind various present ills and is on course to destroy the habitability of Earth in the near future is, by itself, enough to cause someone to decide things are terrible now. The dire predictions are hype, though, intended to get people on board with enlarging government, higher taxes (including hidden ones), printing and borrowing more money, and losses in liberty. Innovation, if allowed, will continue to address real environmental concerns.

And that takes me to other people who think things are terrible now: those who value limited government. Many of them see the government is getting ever larger and more intrusive.

Some religious moralists see the de-stigmatization of casual sex and cohabitation, LGBTQ+ political and cultural activism advancements, plummeting marriage rates, the ubiquity of porn, the increased legalization of recreational drugs and gambling as signs everything is falling part, while on the flip side others fret about "Christian nationalism" and the fact that someone might have to travel to another state to legally obtain an elective abortion or get their child a castration.

Some people worry endlessly about who is President or could possibly become President enough that they waste their life doing it.

And there are the people who, looking at the things above and other examples, fear that society has fractured into conflicting extremes, none of which are an appealing association.

Identity politics teaches people to think of themselves or their neighbors as perpetual victims of oppressive systems and that they are surrounded by people who actively hate them and want them dead. That can be very discouraging.

But "everything is terrible now" requires a lack of perspective.

Yes, there are real problems. Yes, there are setbacks sometimes. But overall, life is much better than it was 80, 100, 200, 500 or more years ago. People, whether male or female (or even if they think they're something else), whatever their skin color and whichever adult to whom they're attracted, have far more opportunities and a far higher standard of living than their ancestors did.

Your news source and your activist organizations thrive on bad news, alarmism, and scare tactics. Big business, which advertises, wants you to think your life is terrible but will get better if only you buy enough of their goods and services, and how much is enough is always "just a little more."

You're better off keeping some perspective. This is just one site that might help you with that.

Documenting Prager's Lack of Panic About Adult Media

Dennis Prager has correctly noted many panics that are pushed by the Left. I haven't heard him note that "porn panic" is primarily driven from the Right (with some piling on by misandrists on the Left). I listen to his radio show via podcast, but don't have time to watch hardly any of his Fireside Chats or the podcast he does with a very young woman. So, it is entirely possible I've missed him mention porn panic and it's push from the Right.

His Prager University has made a deal with The Daily Wire. The Daily Wire has show hosts/columnists who buy into, and perpetuate, porn panic. Indeed, Candace Owens is or has been a Prager University personality, but she buys into porn panic. For that reason, I'm documenting here some of what Dennis Prager has publicly proclaimed as far as male sexual nature and erotica, in case anything starts disappearing. To Dennis Prager's credit, as of this posting, he hasn't backed down despite negative reactions over the years from a core audience of his: conservative churchgoing women and the men who are trying so score points with them.

On March 2, 2015, Prager University posted a video hosted by Dennis Prager with the title "He Wants You." Here's the transcript they provided:

Why Men Date Single Mothers

Inspired by this comment, I'm going to explain why some men date single mothers. For some men, more than one of these reasons will apply. These are in no particular order.

1) It never entered his mind that there are alternatives. He's taking what he thinks he can get or what has been offered to him. He doesn't realize that with a little game, he could find women who are childfree, and how much better for him that would be. He could even be desperate. Maybe he thinks that, if he has kids, he should date women with kids, but having his own kids should be all the more reason to NOT date a woman who also has kids. Meanwhile, the fact is, there have never been so many young, hot, childfree women. Women are waiting until later to have children, if they have them at all.

2) It's what he knows. He was raised by a single mother, and this is what he knows. He might even be trying to fix what he saw was wrong with his own childhood. He's going to be a better man, in his mind, than his biological father was, or the other men his mother dated.

3) He's playing Captain Saveahoe. He wants to feel like a rescuer, like a hero, like somebody needed him, so he's "saving" a woman in distress.

4) He's looking for a mother. He actually identifies with her children. He figures she's already used to taking care of dependents, and he wants her to take care of him.

5) He wants kids, and he doesn't have viable sperm or doesn't want to further his own genes. Rather than adopt, he's going with a ready-made family.

6) He has a cuckold fetish. He gets off on raising the biological children of other men.

7) He's a predator. He's hoping to (continue to) "have sex with" (abuse) at least one of her kids, with or without her. Think about pedophiles. If they have an option of a woman with kids or a woman without kids, guess who they're more likely to choose?

It's important to keep in mind that television shows and movies are FICTIONAL. You may have watched shows and movies in which a guy dates and even marries a single mother and everything turns out great. Yeah, that's extremely rare. Literally. The vast majority of times, things will NOT be great. 70% of marriages in which there are prior children divorce, and that's just divorce. It doesn't even count the terrible marriages which never legally divorce.

Dating a single mother is usually going to be trouble; it will almost certainly be extra work for less reward. Marrying one is even worse than marrying a woman who doesn't have kids yet.

There ARE alternatives, guys! Let me say it again: There have never been so many young, hot, childfree women. Women are waiting until later to have children, if they have them at all. Get a vasectomy and date younger women.

You can find childfree women even if you're not rich, even if you're older, even if you're out of shape or not attractive, and even if you have children of your own. All you need to do is run some game.

You are NOT obligated to date or be with a woman with kids. In fact, the way I (and people like Dr. Laura) figure it, you're morally obligated to AVOID dating single mothers.

If you're dating or with a woman with one of more children, here's how to get out.

You can leave comments below, but this is also a good place to comment.

Keeping Boundaries as a Free Man

Relationships Kill Dreams

You know men who let their dreams die or be killed because of a girlfriend or a wife. Maybe you're one of those guys yourself.

Romantic relationships kill dreams.

Having "a" girlfriend, living with a woman, marrying, getting a woman pregnant - those things kill dreams.

Dreams can be many different things. A career, a business, a mission, a project, a hobby, a trip, a home, a boat, a car...just about anything. Whatever your dream is should be important to you.

If a woman you're seeing thinks your dream is silly, stupid, trivial, that's an example of what I'm talking about.

Maybe your dream is to open a wildlife sanctuary. Maybe your dream is to be CEO of a Fortune 500 company. Maybe it's to own a boat and sail from Point A to Point B. Maybe it is restoring a classic car. Maybe you want to open a restaurant. Maybe you want to build a scale model of a city as it was on your twelfth birthday. Maybe your dream is to have a clean, orderly, well-maintained home with peace and quiet, with a layout you find the most sensible and decorated to your tastes.

Relationships kill dreams, taking up time, energy, attention, money, and other things you might need to to achieve your dream. Relationships limit your options.

For this post, I'm referring to "romantic" relationships. Most likely, you'll need professional and other non-romantic relationships to achieve your dreams, as noted here.

Even some marriage sellers will say that relationships kill dreams, although they use different wording. Marriage is a man "laying down his life" for a woman as Dr. Laura says, and he's got to put being a husband and father before everything else.

Guys, women don't want you chasing your dreams. They want you focusing on her, being her walking wallet, being her muscle, being her driver, being her handyman, being her sperm donor, being a big giant ear as she rambles on and on. The more time, money, and attention you spend on your dream, the less you have for her and the things she wants, and for some of you, your dream will attract younger, hotter women to you. Of course any woman you're already with that doesn't want that!

So, even if you do want an ongoing relationship (and again, you should avoid "exclusive" relationships, especially shacking up or marriage), you shouldn't allow yourself to be in one until you've achieved your dream.

"But she says she shares my dream! She's supportive of my dream!" That's what she says NOW. Don't fall for a woman pretending to support your dream. Women will pretend to, until they think they have you locked in, and then it's "You can't spend that much on that!" and "Stop wasting time on that stuff!" Any woman who is in your life outside of booty calls must support your dreams or she should be OUT of your life; if you're shacking up, married, or co-parenting, it's kind of hard to get her out, isn't it?

Being in a relationship will mean having to check in with her, having to her approval for all sorts of decisions you should be able to make yourself, having a tougher time networking because she sees woman as threats and she doesn't like the guys.

"Don't take that job! I don't want to have to move!"

"No, I need you that weekend because we have a wedding shower to go to!"

"But I want a baby!"

On and on it goes.

AVOID ALL OF THAT!

Stay free, men! Don't give up on your dreams and becomes a beaten dog.

Stop! Don't Propose! Don't Marry!

Guys, if you're thinking about proposing as a holiday surprise or just because you think it is a romantic time of year to propose, DON'T DO IT. If you are thinking about getting married, like many people do on New Year's Eve, DON'T DO IT!!! Don't propose on Christmas Eve or Christmas. Don't propose or marry on December 31. Don't do either on Valentine's Day. DO NOT DO IT!!!

Odds are, proposing is/was a mistake. This is a statistical fact.

Consider:

1) 33-40% of first marriages end in divorce. It is well over 50% for second marriages (70% if stepchildren are involved).

2) Enough of the other marriages are problematic enough of the time that literally, between divorce and "bad" marriages (including marriages that effectively end but don't legally divorce, or in which one spouse dies or is killed by the other before divorce could take place) most marriages are a mistake.

3) On top of that, add in the engagements that don't make it to marriage that end with drama and/or bitterness.

So, statistically, proposing is a mistake, a very big mistake.

An Example of Married Life

My Wife: "I want X."

Me: "I don't want us to do/get X. Here are several reasons why: A,B,C, D, E."

My Wife: "YOU ALWAYS RAIN ON MY PARADE!!! I really, really want to do/get this."

Me: "I don't want to deal with it."

My Wife: "You won't have to."

[I have to deal with A, B, C, D, E, and F because of X. It costs me money, gives me stress, makes my life/my family's life worse, day in and day out, for years.]

Me: [YELLING] "THIS IS WHAT I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T WANT!!!"

My Wife: "Thank you for yelling." [Proceeds to be in a crappy mood for days or weeks, takes it out on the kids, gets passive-aggressive, acts/gets snarky/snide like a bratty teenager. This distresses our mentally ill kid (or, the one we already know is mentally ill).]

 

Meanwhile, I continue to have to deal with A, B, C, D, E, and F.

Repeat. 

*****


You unmarried guys, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

Thinking Critically About Cohabitation

Introduction: Is Unmarried Cohabitation Bad?

I've been carefully mulling over just about everything I've accepted about sociology.

Let's look at shacking up (unmarried cohabitation).

Don't misunderstand. I'm against shacking up. But I'm also against misleading people.

Dr. Laura (and many socially conservative commentators) will tell callers that shacking up is linked to negative indicators, such as:

• It makes it less likely you will get married
• It makes is less likely you will stay married
• Increased infidelity
• More abuse
  

When Dr. Laura (or any other commentator) barrages someone with all of this, most recipients aren't prepared for it and don't have the wherewithal or the time to counter the claims. Indeed, as Dr. Laura says, she refuses to argue or debate, which seems strange if she's confident that she's right. She hits her callers with this and that's that.


How Do We Know If It is Good or Bad?

Should You Legally Remarry Your Ex?

Men should almost certainly NOT remarry their ex if they have no minor children together. If you never had children with her or they are grown, there is likely no benefit whatsoever to remarrying her.

Yes, if you're paying her alimony, it can stop that, but marrying her legally signs over your earnings to her, anyway!

If she's the one pushing to get back together, you should tell her you'll only consider it after she pays you back for attorney fees, and after she does that, tell her you won't remarry unless she signs a customized prenup.

If you're the one who filed for divorce, why would you want to go back to her? There are two basic possibilities, other than to stop alimony:

1) You've changed. If you've changed for the better, good for you. But legally marrying, and that includes remarrying, is a terrible deal for most men.

2) She's changed. She might have appeared to change. So what? Even if she has changed, you don't need to be married to her. Marriage is about transferring your power and wealth to her.

If she was the one who filed for divorce (and odds are, she was), why would you want to surrender your freedom to go back for more abuse? If she was the one who filed for divorce, and is the one asking to remarry, what that means is that she realized she can't attract a man richer or better than you. That's her problem, not yours. You can get women hotter than her.

She cost your a lot of money, time, pain, and aggravation. Will ending the alimony payments be enough repayment for the troubles and legal bills you had to pay? There's a saying: "Divorce costs men a lot of money, because it is worth it." And if you're not paying alimony, there is likely NO reason to legally remarry.

I know a guy who did this. His wife literally tricked him into signing divorce papers. She ran off with a guy in a band. That lasted about five minutes. She came back to this guy. And he took her back!!!

IF YOU HAVE MINOR CHILDREN TOGETHER, there is some benefit for the children to being cooperative and in the same residence, or at least in that residence when the children are home and awake (assuming she's not abusive to them and this would be putting the children back with her when they otherwise wouldn't be).

Have her pay any legal feels needed to stop child support collection. Still avoid legally remarrying, if you can. A legal cohabitation agreement is a must if you're going to share a residence, but if you're going to legally marry, get a prenup.

Holidays Reminder: Men, Stay Free!

Christmas and New Year's Eve/Day are almost here.

Men, don't do foolish things.

Don't marry.

Don't get engaged.

Don't buy expensive gifts for a woman you consider a date, romantic, or sexual interest.

Don't pay for her to travel, or go to events/parties, or for an expensive hotel room for her.

Don't spend time with a date's friends or family or have her spend time around yours.

Stay free. Enjoy your freedom.

Know Thyself

Anyone can benefit from doing this, but this is especially for anyone who is one or more of the following:

• Young
• Considering further education or declaring a major
• Looking for a job or to change jobs
• Looking or a new place to live
• Getting out of a marriage or relationship or considering it
• Feeling like you're in a rut or making no progress in your life 
• Facing or considering retirement
  

Believe it or not, your time is limited. To figure out what you should be doing, you really need to understand yourself well. Know thyself.

You're going to need some peace and quiet to do this. No distractions. You'll need time to think, to ponder, to reflect. You'll need to be alone. No spouse, no girlfriend, no friends - alone. No movies, no television, no social media, no books, etc. You want to be alone with your thoughts.

You might need to get a hotel room or motel room. You can only do this at home if you're really, really disciplined in being able to ignore and avoid distractions, and nobody will reach you.

The Importance of an Emergency Fund

Less politely, they are called "F--- You Funds."

You need a minimum of six months, ideally a year. of liquid funds. This would be enough to cover your hard expenses if all of your income stopped: mortgage/rent, utilities, vehicle/transportation, clothing/laundry, medical/health visits and costs, groceries, necessary memberships and subscriptions, etc. You can get an over-estimate by looking at every outgoing payment out of your bank or credit union account for the past year, and totaling that up.

Why? Because your employment might change. Life changes. Emergencies happen. Disasters happen.

You want to have the fund in place so that if your employer(s) disappear, or become too much trouble, or decide they don't need you anymore, you can walk away and be OK. Do you know what it is like to be at a job mostly for the fun of it, knowing that if things are no longer fun, you can walk away and be OK? I had a time in my life like that. (Unfortunately, I made the mistake of marrying, so that changed.) Having an emergency fund doesn't turn a blah or lousy job into a fun one, but it does give you peace of mind and a lot of flexibility.

If you're truly living paycheck to paycheck, without an emergency fund, something is wrong. You need to change that somehow. Cut expenses. Get a raise. Get more work. Change jobs. Sell some of your stuff. If you have debts, pay those off, starting with the debt with the highest interest rate first.

You need to put aside as much money as you can on a regular basis until you have a full fund. Have it automatically move from your checking account to your savings account, if you can. Or into some relatively safe, liquid account like brokerage account. Once you do have that fund in place, consider continuing the diversions, to an investment account. Unless you're elderly or terminal, you should be investing and saving up. Think of it this way: plan, budget, save, invest, and insure.

Guys, this is much easier to do if you don't have a wife and kids for which to pay. If you have an emergency fund and you make the mistake of marrying, at least ensure, with a lawyer, that your emergency fund stays separate. It will help you if there is a divorce. Do what your lawyer says: Do not co-mingle that fund, do not spend it on stuff for your marriage, or for your wife. ALSO, if you get an inheritance, work with a lawyer to keep that separate as well. THAT can be your fund if you don't have one already.

Are There Really Seven Million American Men Refusing to Work?

Senator Josh Hawley was on Hour 2 of the Tuesday, June 20, 2023 Dennis Prager Show to promote a book.

Senator Hawley and Mr. Prager were lamenting the "crisis" that supposedly seven million able men of employable age are NOT working in the USA, and that is supposedly NOT including men who are on Unemployment. Of course one of the biggest problems they see with this is that women don't want to marry guys who aren't gainfully employed, because Heaven forbid women not get whatever they want and some people NOT marry.

The assumption is that these men are sitting around playing video games, watching adult media, and getting high.

Curiously, there were no figures provided for women who aren't working to provide as a comparison. That's because it is OK for women not to work. It's not OK, in the minds of some people, that a man doesn't work.

It is unlikely that there are really seven million men who are perfectly healthy who are sitting around just doing whatever they want and nothing else even though they're financially dependent on family, a girlfriend, a wife, etc. There might be a few men doing exactly that, but if I was a betting man I'd bet that almost all of those 7 million men have one or more of the following going on:

• Undiagnosed/untreated/unregistered physical and mental disorders
• Homeless
• Retired, even if unofficially and early
  
• Stay at home dad or house husband (yes, some women agree to this, and some men are with other men who agree to it)
• Helping to care for younger or disabled siblings, elderly or disabled parents
• They own enough (investments, real estate, etc.) they don't need employment
• They have their own business but haven't officially registered their business
• They work gigs
• They buy, sell, and trade without being registered as a business
  
• Under the table work
• Work in the family business, off the books 
• They consider themselves artists and are supported by others enough (even if just their parents) they don't need a registered job
  
• They're getting their education
  
• Black market
• Going through the criminal justice system
  

Obviously, men being in some of those categories is a bad thing, but for other categories, it's not a problem at all.

The fact is, the overwhelming majority of men who play games, watch adult media, and/or do drugs are employed. Most of them are married or in some form of romantic or sexual relationship.

If a man has gotten the message that he's not needed or wanted in workplaces and doesn't want to sign a terrible state contract, and he's found a way to stay off the public dole that isn't destructive, good for him. I don't see a need for him to change to please a Senator, a talk show host, or a woman.

The Senator claimed this has been building for fifty years. Now why would that be? What happened 50 years ago? Hmmmm…

He also says America needs you to get a job and start a family. How about... America needs you to not be dependent on government. We don't need every man out there to start a family. Want more men to marry? See what I wrote here.

What Should A Rejected Spouse Do?

What are the options when one partner wants sex far more often than the other?

There are people, including women, who point out that spouses are entitled to sex from each other and that that one spouse should not deprive the other except temporarily for mutual consent. As such, one account on Twitter cited an instance in which a wife declined her husband's request for sex, only to wake up later in the middle of the night with him doing things anyway.

The law and our culture both say that this is rape.

The person describing the instance says that the wife should give her husband grace.

(I want to make it clear that it is a major turn-off to me if she doesn't want it, so I wouldn't be in this guy's position even if I believed it was OK.)

In the Biblical framework, spouses owe each other sex. General consent to sex is part of getting married. Don't like it? Don't marry. Of course, people who don't consider the Bible an authority can, with integrity, ignore what the Bible says. But someone who claims to care what the Bible teaches can't.

As far as the law, our laws will force the higher earning spouse to financially support the other spouse, no matter what. By marrying, the higher earning spouse is giving general, ongoing consent to this, and crying "slavery!" later or saying "I don't feel like it" won't change it. And although our laws, in some places, still allow a spouse to sue for "alienation of affection" in the event of an affair and "loss of consortium" for any number of things done to their spouse, other than that, the law does not say one spouse owes the other sex. Think about that. If your wife doesn't feel like sex because her employer committed illegal discrimination against her, you can claim "loss of consortium" as one of the reasons her employer owes you money. But you're not owed sex. Laws aren't always consistent.

The woman who said the wife should give her husband grace, and people like her, would also say a husband viewing porn is a terrible sin, even masturbating without porn would be. In their beliefs, a person's sole sexual stimulant or outlet should be their spouse. No sex outside of marriage is acceptable.

When a caller to Dr. Laura presents the situation of a husband wanting more sex and the wife not wanting to meet him at his level, Dr. Laura usually will provide the options as follows:

A) Wife has sex more often with the husband
B) Husband leaves
C) Husband hires sex workers
D) Husband gets a girlfriend on the side
E) Husband masturbates to porn

She says the wife can pick one. Of course, most of the wives don't want any of those. They want option F, which is just that the husband just be completely sexually frustrated. But in Dr. Laura's mind, even though she isn't a Christian nor a Bible believer in the conventional sense, a husband is owed sex because he's paid for it by laying down his life and signing a state contract that financially obligates him.

While sometimes the wife wants it more than the husband, it is usually the husband who wants it more. The norms of various cultures have dealt with this throughout history with polygyny (multiple wives), prostitution, and mistresses. Most American women reject that. Some of them encourage or "allow" their husband or boyfriend to use masturbation, porn, and toys. Other women don't.

Culturally and legally, there is no shame applied at all to men who stay free and run game, who can have sex any night they want. If one women isn't in the mood, he just moves on to the next woman in his phone's list of contacts, until he finds one who will welcome him. He doesn't need to share his earnings, or run errands, do chores, romance her, go on long walks, listen to her ramble on, or even buy her dinner. He doesn't need to care for her when she's sick, or deal with her parents or siblings, or even her friends. Nope. All he needs to do is text her when he wants some, and show up. He can repeat this with a different woman every night. Meanwhile, the Good Husband can go night after night, for weeks, months, even years, being rejected and going sexless no matter how good of a husband he is. And if he decides he can't take it anymore, he'll have to give up at least half of everything, pay for two legal teams, and likely pay ongoing alimony, maybe even for life.

Which one of those two guys will most men choose to be, if they really grasp that they have a choice? Of course there's always the "monk mode" choice, too, of staying free and not bothering with the sex. We are seeing men make these choices.

I urge men not to assault or harass or otherwise burden women. Only see them when they want you.

Why Married Men Should Have an Affair

To Whom Does Your Body Belong?

Is It OK For a Spouse to Withhold Sex?

Rejecting Your Man

When A Wife Rejects Her Husband

One Flesh or Not?

Running Game - When She Starts Getting Lazy

When you're running game at expert level, and you have a full roster with extra players waiting in the bullpen, one reason to drop a member of your roster is if she drops any one thing you like off the sexual menu or her sexual repertoire. You should have made it clear you like it, and since you did when she did it, and she's done it for you before, she shouldn't have dropped it.

Dropping it means she's either getting comfortable and thinks she has you locked in - meaning she was doing it to reel you in with no intention of continuing to do it, or she's on her way out/favors another guy to the point she doesn't care about doing what you want anymore.

Either way, don't talk with her about it. Don't complain, don't whine, don't demand, don't argue, don't pressure. Don't "negotiate." What's the point? If she wanted to do it, she would have. Desire can't be negotiated.

Don't say anything at all to her. Simply ghost her. If she tries to talk with you after you ghost her, it's because she thought she had you locked in, or the other guy didn't work out. (You should always assume they are seeing other guys; don't indicate you want to be exclusive.)

"Dropping it" would be on a three strikes or less basis. For example, let's say it's fellatio. There can be legitimate reasons she won't want to do it once or twice, like dental work, cold sores, etc. But when it is three times in a row (meaning, over three or more weeks), it means she's dropped it off the menu.

Guys who fall into the trap of thinking they want an "exclusive" relationship tend to end up simply accepting this stuff, because they aren't seeing anyone else and don't want to "start over" with someone else. That is a very common way men end up having a terrible sex life. Early on, she's trying to hook you in. She's auditioning. Don't stick around for it when she stops doing what you like.

One Sign It is Time to Move On

What Happened Next Door

If you'd told me when I was twelve years old that multiple women who'd appeared in Playboy magazine were going to live in the Playboy mansion, appear in the magazine multiple more times, and be in a "reality" cable television show with Hugh Hefner, I would have known that those women, who were several decades younger than him, were going to expected to be his girlfriends and have sex with him even though he was old and not in the best shape and not committing to any of them, and they would be expected to participate in parties whether that seemed like fun or more work, and that what they were going to get out of this deal was fame, money, access, networking, and visits to Disneyland and wherever else. He's an older man, not in the best shape, and yet these women were going to have to show him a good time.

I would have known that at twelve.

My siblings would have known.

What thinking person over the age of sixteen wouldn't have known this?

But once Hefner was dead, and thus no longer useful, he was cast as a villain by some of the people who used to praise him and cling to him.

Nope. Not buying it.

If you weren't saying this was bad behavior at the time, but rather were profiting off of it, you don't get to bash him now and get any sympathy or points from me at all. Those women knew exactly what they were signing up for. The same goes for anyone going to an adult party at the mansion. Of course staff, such as cooks, cleaners, etc. shouldn't be targeted for harassment, but it was the Playboy mansion; home to a man who built the magazine and brand from the ground up. Nudity and shenanigans should have been expected.

Men! Don't Ruin A Woman's Life By Marrying Her!

Haven't you noticed how miserable husbands make wives?

Wives constantly complain about their husbands.

They complain about their husbands to the husbands. They complain about their husbands to their therapists and counselors. They complain about their husbands to their family. They complain about their husbands to their neighbors. They complain about their husbands to their friends. They complain about their husbands on social media. They complain about their husbands on daytime television gabfests. They complain about their husbands in so many television advertisements.

And there's so much to complain about.

According to reports, husbands create an extra seven hours per week of housework for their wives!

You can also find lists of common complaints wives have, like this one.

1. “He never helps around the house.”

So he causes her to have more housework and he doesn't help!

2. “He plays too many video games.” Or something like fantasy football.

Don't burden her with your frivolity, guys. Don't marry her so she doesn't have to see it.

3. “We have the same arguments every day.”

How dare you not just go along with whatever she wants today, guys? If you don't marry her, she won't have to argue with you.

4. “He drinks too much.”

She shouldn't have to see that, guys. Stay unmarried and go drinking with your buddies.

5. “His family drives me nuts.”

Don't give her in-laws to deal with by marrying her, guys.

6. “He brings too much junk food into the house.”

If you're not living with her, you won't be bringing junk food into her house.

7. “He doesn’t know anything about the kids.”

Don't bother her by being around but not knowing the details, guy!

8. “He always wants to have sex.”

Guys, how can you ruin her life by wanting to sex with her so much? Stay unmarried so you can divide your advances among multiple women. And you're not good enough in bed.

9. “The credit card statement is always a surprise.”

You're buying stuff without her approval?!? Don't marry her and she won't get the credit card statements.

10. “A little appreciation would be nice.”

Men, don't marry her and prevent all those other guys from expressing their appreciation for her. Half of your income is NOT demonstrating enough appreciation. You don't show your appreciation, you don't romance her. Let her be romanced and pursued by better men than you.

Husbands do everything wrong! Even your sense of humor becomes less effective once you are a husband. So don't be a husband.

Husbands often don't earn enough.
Husbands often spend too much time at work.
Husbands are too whiny and dramatic when they get sick.

So don't be a husband. Don't marry a woman and ruin her life.

Wives are far more likely to file for divorce than husbands, clearly because husbands are so likely to be burdens on her, and women have so many complaints about their ex husbands.

DON'T DO THAT TO A WOMAN. Be a nice guy by saving her from the hassles and drudgery and annoyances and burdens husbands bring by NOT marrying her, and NOT moving in together. Otherwise, her sighs might give her breathing problems, and eye rolls might give her vision problems.

Show that you respect her, especially as an equal, by honoring the fact that she doesn't need a man, that she can do everything you can do, that she can do it on her own, and that she's strong and independent, by NOT becoming a husband.

DON'T RUIN A WOMAN'S LIFE BY MARRYING HER.

Now, she might still want a wedding. But what is it she really wants? She wants a series of parties that she plans and controls and that are about her. If you want to give that to woman, you can mark a birthday of hers with a series of such parties, and if you really want, you can gift her a diamond ring and a nice vacation, too. You can do that and pay for all of that and you can do it without becoming a husband.

Some People Don't Want Men Reading the Truth

Some of the comments left here and, more often, some of the tweets sent my way on Twitter say things like "I feel sorry for your wife" and "Does your wife know what you're saying?"

There are people who have a vested interest in attempting to shut down people who do what I do: warn men about what they're really dealing with and giving men possible techniques to avoid being abused or disadvantaged.

They don't want men knowing these things. They don't want men to read the truth. They want men mindlessly continuing the cycle.

There are few places where men can get the truth when it comes to these topics. Many husbands don't feel at liberty to tell unmarried men the truth about marriage. Sometimes you can read between the lines. But blunt truth? That's rare.

As for my wife, she has a husband who pays all of her bills and handles all of the paperwork, has given her the life she always wanted, does almost all of the household chores including the cooking, runs almost all the errands, listens to her whenever she wants to talk, has almost never said "no" to her, is eager to enthusiastically do anything she wants when it comes to romance and sex, never asks that we watch anything different from her choice on the shared televisions in the home, and has ensured she will be financially taken care of whether she stays or go, whether I live or die. I have literally saved her life and have never touched her in anger. I don't splurge on myself, I don't do drugs or smoke, I don't get drunk. I give her words of affection and affirmation every day. I get her the gifts she wants. I probably get along better with her parents/siblings than she does. She has candidly told others she has a great marriage. Her life is probably better than the lives of the women who criticize me.

But yes, I come here and tell the truth: Most men shouldn't marry. Most men don't even need an exclusive girlfriend. Marriage is a bad deal for most men. Most men can get everything they truly want out of life without ever marrying. Marrying is the biggest mistake I've made.

Stay Free, Men!

The State Marriage Contract Is Bad

If you're a breadwinning man, the state marriage contract is bad. Some states are worse than others, but every state's marriage contract is bad. What it does is:

• Forces you to share your earnings; anything you buy with your earnings also belongs to her
• Obligates you to pay the lawyers who will attack you should either of you want a divorce.
  
• Obligates you to make payments to her no matter how terribly she behaves, even if she cheats on you and leaves. In some places these payments can continue for the rest of your life.
• Assigns paternity (financial responsibility) to you should she get pregnant, even if she was knocked up by cheating. If you WANT paternity, you can get it without being legally married.
• Makes her your default beneficiary (meaning, she financially benefits if you die). If you WANT her to be your beneficiary, you can do that without being legally married.
• Makes her your next of kin, so she can make medical decisions for you. Again, if you WANT her to have that power, you can arrange for that without being legally married.
• She can be placed on your insurance. That is of no benefit to you.
  

Legally marrying does not keep her around or faithful, doesn't provide you with love or honor or cherishing, doesn't provide you with sex or any affection at all, doesn't provide you with any domestic services. It provides you no benefits whatsoever that you can't otherwise get. It's basically a mechanism to move wealth and power from you to her, regardless of how she treats you.

Most men shouldn't agree to sign a state marriage license (contract) or otherwise enter into a state marriage contract (which, in some places, can happen pretty much by living together long enough).

A woman who asks, invites, or pressures you to agree to enter into such a contract is asking you to do something that's bad for you. That's not a loving thing for her to do.

A woman who wants to be a good wife can be a good wife without the bad state contract. You two can negotiate agreements, including legally binding agreements (such as for a joint account), if you want, although anything that would be legally binding should involve lawyers. This way, you can avoid or mitigate some of the terrible elements of the state contract. For example, you might agree that she can live in your place and you'll keep a certain amount of money in a joint account she can use, and you'll make regular contributions ("gifts") to a retirement account for her, only as long as you are on good terms. She'd have no claim or expectation to ongoing payments from you, half of any of your assets, or equity in the house should the relationship end. All that stuff has to be worked out with attorneys, and my best advice is never to live together at all, not to have joint accounts, and never let a woman get "accustomed" to financial/material support from you, but my point is that if a woman is willing to truly "take care" of you and you're willing to compensate her in return, that can be done without legally marrying.

Remember, you don't need to legally marry to:

• have companionship
• have dates
• have sex
• have a wedding ceremony
• commit
  
• share a residence
• share finances
• be monogamous
• have children

So reject the terrible state “marriage” contract. Keep your power, money, and freedom. 

Don't Date Women With Minor Children

The most popular entry on this blog, and it's not even close, is this entry warning men against dating single mothers.

It gets a lot of traffic and has received hundreds of comments (including from widowed mothers, who really need to read THIS.)

As is to be expected, a lot of angry comments came from single mothers. Others admitted what I wrote was true, even if they didn't like it. Nobody, though, demonstrated what I wrote to be false. That's because it is reality, like it or not.

I want to revisit the issue. Guys: If you're going to bother dating (or seeing for personal reasons) women, don't date women with minor children or dependent adult children or grown children living at home. They could be divorced women, widowed women, women who never bothered to marry. And if they're married or in a relationship, no matter what they say about that relationship, it's not good to go there. So don't mess with mothers of minor or somehow dependent children. And if you're with one and don't have a kid with her, get out!

Maybe you think that eliminates too many women, but it really doesn't, especially if you're sticking to women in their twenties, which you can do no matter how old you are, if you play your cards right. Also, there are more and more women older than that who are childfree. "Fertility" rates are down.

Men and Women Do NOT Need Each Other

No, Dennis Prager, men and women do NOT need each other.

Pathological as he is, Dennis Prager raised the issue again during the weekly "Male/Female Hour" on his program, on December 6, 2023.

He said he doesn't know (heterosexual) men who say men don't need women. He must be ignoring or selectively forgetting some of his mail.

A man can live his entire life and thrive without a woman. A woman can live her entire life and thrive without a man. There are people who are doing this right now. There are people who've done it.

No individual person needs to reproduce. But yes, both a man and a woman are needed for reproduction ...for now. Science is rapidly ending that.

Sex? Clearly sex isn't a NEED, because many husbands are living without it. And many people say people should wait until they marry to have sex, and some of those people also say people shouldn't marry before they are 28. So sex may be a very strong WANT, but it isn't a need. And again, science/technology and art are making better and better masturbation aids, to the point in which it may become difficult to distinguish it from sex. Also, people can and do have sex without living together or being in an ongoing relationship that involves anything other than sex. I'm sure that's not what Dennis is talking about.

The government needs people to pay taxes, especially for their ponzi schemes. But male taxpayers don't need any of the taxpayers to be women, and vice-versa.

There are still some jobs for which it is very hard to find women to do them. But again, technology is making that less and less the case, and for now it means that women need men, not "a" man to herself. For this, men don't need women.

Dennis cant even say men, or, more precisely, boys, need women for breastfeeding, as he has been a staunch denier of the need for breastfeeding.

People CAN live happy fulfilled, productive, honorable, worthwhile lives without ever living with the opposite sex, without working with them, and without having any as friends.

Men and women don't need each other.

Boundaries

Dr. Laura mocks callers who use the word "boundaries." She says "Boundaries are what keep cattle in one place." This despite her own program's buffer featuring her talking about "retreading a tire" when she is in no way referring to dealing with an actual tire.

Less frequently, she'll say that boundaries don't stop other people from doing anything.

While she might dismiss "boundaries" as "psychobabble," it's a frequently used (often correctly) and understood term.

When someone "has boundaries," it isn't about controlling what other people do. Rather, it is all about what the person who articulates the boundary (whether only in their own mind, or voicing it to others) will tolerate, and how they will react if the boundary is violated.

Let's consider an example.

Joe decides he has a boundary that he will not allow his sister to criticize him for being a free man. At a family gathering, his sister bashes him for being unmarried. Joe politely excuses himself and leaves early.

Did the boundary stop his sister? No, but Joe didn't stick around for more abuse. That was setting and using a boundary.

Let's consider another example, one that Dr. Laura can really get behind.

Jenny establishes a boundary that her difficult mother can't stay with Jenny, her husband, and their kids. Rather, her mother can stay in a nice nearby hotel when she visits. Jenny's mother asks, "When I come for the visit next month, how about I stay with you?"

Jenny says, "Sorry to disappoint you, mom, but we need our privacy. That hotel chain you like has a nice hotel just a couple of miles away." That was setting and using a boundary.

Dr. Laura tells her callers and listeners to use boundaries all of the time. She just doesn't use the actual word. She has boundaries. For example, she will not argue or debate anything she says on her program.

Boundaries are wonderful things. I urge my readers to set boundaries:

• Don't marry
• Don't date women with minor children
• Don't date coworkers
• Don't date virgins
• Don't take unnecessary DNA tests
• Don't donate sperm
  
• Don't socialize at work
• Don't let the women you're dating know where you really live, work, or what your real name is
• Don't buy expensive gifts for the women you're dating
• Don't loan anyone money you can't afford to lose forever
• Don't pass up a better job out of what you'd call loyalty to a boss or employer 

All of those are boundaries, and I encourage people to have many more. Most people should have their own additional boundaries depending on what they want and what bothers them.

Boundaries are not requirements for OTHER people. They are something YOU put in place for YOURSELF. "If X, I will Y."

One Reason You're Not Husband Material

Guys, I often write about how there isn't suitable, compatible wife material for you to marry. But another reason you should avoid marriage (or at least, a reason you can tell others when they ask you why you're not married) is that you aren't husband material. This isn't an insult, mind you.

Below is a list put together through listening to Dr. Laura for many years. She is very pro-marriage and used to do marriage and family therapy.

If a woman is looking for a man to be a husband and father to her children, this is the kind of employment he must have. This is just about his job. This doesn't even cover all of the other qualities he must have. If you don't have a job like this, you're not (first) husband material, and so you shouldn't marry. (And, if you don't marry during the child-raising years, then you're not going to be marriage material later on, because you didn't marry earlier, which means you're not the type to commit to marriage.)

A (first) husband has to have a job that, in no particular order...

Stay Strong, Unmarried Men

For all of you men who are not currently married, this is one of those times of the year family and certain cultural elements push you to marry.

One way is trying to make it seem like everybody gets married, that marriage should be your goal, and that only losers don’t marry. 

Jewelry companies run ads promoting the ridiculous notion that engagement rings make perfect holiday gifts. There are legal reasons why that’s a terrible idea.

Don’t fall for the trap.

If you’re engaged, don’t let the manipulations during this time of year push you into signing a terrible state contract (marrying).

Nor should you make any large purchases for, or with a woman. Want to buy something for your mother? Go ahead. But not a fiancée, not a girlfriend, or any other woman you’ve been seeing.

Don’t propose. Don’t co-sign a lease or mortgage or anything. Don’t move in with a woman or let her move in with you.

Stay free.

Follow the tags for this post, like “Free Men” and “Marriage Strike” and “Running Game” to be reminded why you should stay free and how to make the most of this time of year.

As always, feel free to comment. 

Don't Let the Holidays Lead to Less Freedom, Guys

 

Free Men, hopefully you didn't spend your Thanksgiving catering to a woman, her family, her friends, or having some woman along with you as you visited your family. If you're not in the USA and not American, you probably didn't have to deal with anything like that.

But wherever you are, if you're somewhere Hanukah, Christmas, or January 1 are celebrated, you need to implement or continue your holiday game plan.

There are two main considerations for you:

1) Dealing with family and "friends" who will be asking you (or pestering you) about your status as a free man. You now how it goes. "When are you going to get married?" Questions like that.

2) Avoiding spending those special days with a woman who wants to take away your status as Free Man, or will be expecting you to spend a lot of time, money, and effort on her.

Don't do something foolish and start thinking there is "the one" to whom you should hand over your freedom. Don't be so ignorant, delusional, or masochistic that you're thinking you want to be exclusive with a woman.

Does This Deter Teen Girls From Fornicating?

Dr. Laura, who has an awesome program and does a lot of good, has been consistent in recent decades about what she tells teen girls and what she tells their parents to tell them about sex.

I think it was the second hour of the program from Monday, September 9, 2019 that she got a call from a mother who'd heard from her sister that her (the caller's) daughter had sex with her boyfriend of about six months and that the daughter was planning to tell her. [This entry has been bumped up.]

Dr. Laura told the caller/mother to tell her daughter:

1) He's told all his buddies
2) Other boys are going to want to get into her also
3) There's nothing special, sublime, or sacred about what they did
4) Animals do the same thing
5) There's no love or commitment attached to it
6) Now you have a reputation
7) Boys talk about it
8) The next time you date you're going to want to do it again because the bar is down and it's less meaningful
9) By the time you marry you'll probably have a pregnancy or STD.

Do these messages deter teen girls today from having sex? I have my doubts.