Don't Make Promises You're Not Going to Keep

I'm convinced the most ideal family situation is a breadwinning father married to a homemmaker mother, who is a stay-with-kids mom, at least until the kids are all in school (Kindergarten or later), at which point she can work part-time. Having the father stay home instead is the next best thing.

This is what one of my favorite audio talk show hosts, Dr. Laura also preaches and teaches, much to the irritation of plenty of people, who talk as though daycare isn't almost always voluntary.

Dr. Laura claims that "in the day" men would rather die than see their wives working full time outside of the home and she talks as though men are ignoring their blaring natural inner voice when they pressure their wives to work. But how many of these men were "raised" by working mothers? How many of those mothers were divorced or never-married? A LOT! Furthermore, a lot of these men know that if their wife doesn't work, the courts are going so screw them (the husbands) over even more when there's a divorce, because the courts will say that the woman has greatly reduced earning potential and has been accustomed to being taken care of financially.

"But you shouldn't expect a divorce," say so many people.

Mom Wants Adult Daughter to Clean Up

Moving out does not mean the end of hearing "clean your room" from your mother. WORRIED MOM IN OREGON wrote in to Dear Abby:

My 35-year-old daughter, "Rhonda," is intelligent and creative, but her house is a disaster.

Why would someone expect someone's house to be clean and orderly because they are intelligent and creative? If anything, creative people are more likely to have a mess.

There are clothes, books, magazines, etc. piled on every surface. Dishes are stacked on her bed; socks and paper litter the floor.

While unmarried, and thus, living alone, I had my clothes, books, magazines, papers, and more piled everywhere, and my laundry in a pile. However, I never kept dirty dishes around, because I didn't want to attract bugs. Now that I'm married, I have my own room (with a closed door) dedicated to my disorganized stuff. The rest of our house is less cluttered but rarely ready to appear as a good example in a magazine. We have young'uns.

How can she feel good living like this?

Maybe she doesn't. It isn't really a problem unless there is a fire hazard or an actual health hazard - or if she is in dispair. Not everyone likes to entertain others in their home, and they don't mind living in clutter or disorganization.

Rhonda is caring and attractive, but she rarely dates.

Maybe she does "date" and you just don't know because she goes on booty calls and doesn't feel like telling you. Maybe she doesn't want to date. If she does want to date, maybe this is one way of keeping herself from bringing someone home, though from what I hear, a very messy place doesn't always stop someone from bringing their dates home.

Could her mess be a symptom of something more serious?

Sure. But so could pristine order and cleanliness.

Abby, I'm worried about my daughter's chances for future happiness, but I have no idea how to help her.

You have not indicated she is unhappy, and I'm sure you would have cited other evidence of her being unhappy if you had it. Maybe she has more important things to do than pick up everything and organize it, especially if she is the only person living there.

Dear Abby responded:

If you're the kind of mother who always picked up after her children, then this is only more of the same. If your daughter's disorderliness is something new, then it might be a symptom of depression or some other emotional problem.

All true.

When you say you are concerned about Rhonda's chances for future happiness, do you mean you're worried that she's 35 and still single? Not every woman needs a man to complete her.

Also very true. Well, as a follower of Christ I would say every woman AND man needs Christ, and He's a man, but that's not what we're talking about here.

Have a heart-to-heart talk with your daughter and explain your concerns. You won't find out what's going on in her head until you do.

If she expresses a desire for things to be different, you can try hiring a professional organizer and then a maid to come in once every week or two. However, at 35, old habits die hard, and things will likely get disorganized again, even if the place is "clean". And that is also something for any potential husband to keep in mind. This woman can't be relied on to keep a clean, orderly house. Marrying her means either cleaning up yourself, or paying for someone else to do it - or living like that.

Study: Men Create More Housework For Women

The fun just never stops.

Having a husband creates an extra seven hours of housework each week for women, according to a new study. For men, tying the knot saves an hour of weekly chores.

How is it possible for both of those sentences to be true? Do they mean to tell us that what unmarried men can do in an hour every week, it takes married women seven hours to do? Is it possible that the husbands are interfering, thus causing an hour's worth of chores to expand to seven?

"It's a well-known pattern," said lead researcher Frank Stafford, an economist at University of Michigan's Institute for Social Research. "Men tend to work more outside the home, while women take on more of the household labor."

Why, how dare you make such an observation, you sexist pig!

He points out individual differences among households exist. But in general, marriage means more housework for women and less for men. "And the situation gets worse for women when they have children," Stafford said.

Well, duh!

Overall, times are a' changing in the American home. In 1976, women busied
themselves with 26 weekly hours of sweeping-and-dusting work, compared with 17 hours in 2005. Men are pitching in more, more than doubling their housework
hours from six in 1976 to 13 in 2005.

Some of the reduction on the part of the women may have to do with technology. Either that, or they're saying that what it takes women 9 hours to do, men can do in seven.

Stafford analyzed time-diaries and questionnaires from a nationally representative sample of men and women over a 10-year period between 1996 and 2005. The federally-funded study showed that, compared with the single life, marriage meant more housework for both men and women.

Wait. I thought you said in the second sentence that men were saving and hour of housework every week by getting married. If both are having to do more housework than when unmarried, there’s yet another argument for staying unmarried – one that works on either sex.

"Marriage is no longer a man's path to less housework," Stafford said.

Which is just one of the many reasons some men have gone on a marriage strike.

Single guys worked the hardest around the house, trumping all age groups of married men.

Very interesting.

Hey, when are we going to see a study about how much more a married man must earn to cover living expenses – mortgage/rent, utilities, insurance, medical bills, clothing, furniture, entertainment, travel and transportation, food, birthday/anniversary/holiday and romantic gifts (including the ones bought for him), gifts for parties and showers he doesn’t want to attend, etc.?


I’m old-school. I’m happy to go out and earn to provide for my family so that my wife can take care of me, our children, and our home. I even help out around the house. But I should not be expected to divide chores evenly with my wife – those are her job. That is why she doesn’t earn income outside of the home.

*Update - radio talk show host Tom Leykis is covering this study this (5pm PST) hour. He chalks up the one hour/seven hour disparity to "six hours of her nagging you to do the chores". He also cites all of the things most women no longer have to do (car maintenance, for example) if they are married.

**Update #2 - Does the study take into account that married people tend to move into bigger homes, and thus there is more housework? It really is strange that single men, who the study says do a lot of housework, drop an hour when they marry and single women, who do less housework, add seven hours when they marry. Do they mean to imply that single women are slobs until they have someone living with them?