Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Kevin Federline Needs a Vasectomy

This LATimes.com blog posting reports this item:

His current girlfriend, volleyball player Victoria Prince, 28, is pregnant with her first child with baby-daddy KFed, according to People magazine.

Britney Spears' onetime husband and father of her two boys -- Jayden, 4, and Preston, 5, -- also has two other kids -- Kaleb, 6, and Kori, 8 -- with ex-girlfriend Shar Jackson, an actress-singer who starred in "Moesha." Federline left his baby-momma to be with Spears, who divorced the failed rapper in 2007.
As great as Spears' sons may be, once Federline and Jackson parted rather than marrying, he should have gotten a vasectomy. Now there are four children (that we know about) who are in broken homes, and odds are there will now be a fifth. Jackson's comments on this news took the high road. Good for her. But with each new kid made with a new woman, Federline's existing kids suffer.

Just stop it already, sir. Get a freakin' vasectomy and stop making babies out of wedlock. And women who want to mess around with this guy need to either stop letting this guy’s penis anywhere near their vaginas, or they need to remove their ovaries.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Update on Chelsea Nichole McClelland Case

Andrew Blankstein at LATimes.com updates the case of a day orphanage operator who was, according to police, doing things she shouldn't have been with her 13-year-old godson.

Chelsea Nichole McClelland, 34, was arrested in December near Apple Street and Alsace Avenue, just north of the Santa Monica Freeway near La Brea Avenue. Charges were not immediately filed and she was released.

But she was charged Tuesday with four felony counts of lewd acts on a child under 14. The alleged acts occurred between Dec. 1 and Dec. 17, according to Jane Robison, a spokeswoman for the Los Angeles County district attorney's office.
The report says that the police think it started when the kid was 12. It's not just the males who prey on the young. As always, people are legally innocent until proven guilty in a court of law.

One Way She Makes My Life Better

One thing that makes a great marriage is when the spouses are frequently thinking about how to make the other's life better. Not in a controlling way, but in an assisting way.

In my bachelor days, I was generally careful with my money, but I had to keep my shopping time to a minimum. There was one supermarket with a pharmacy I'd frequent, a membership warehouse, and specialty chain grocer. That was the bulk of my shopping for groceries and most other things. I would sometimes use the coupons given with my receipt, but that was about the extent of my coupon shopping.

My wife is cheaper than me. She's very careful with money, and that is one of the reasons I married her. She's not bringing in any income directly; it is all through her support of my career (packing me lunch, washing my clothes, finding and wrapping gifts for my associates, etc.). However, as a good shopper she is stretching the dollars I earn in ways I wouldn't if I was a bachelor.

In recent months she has become extremely adept at stretching our dollars. She keeps track of deals, coupons, and incentive programs. She will spend several hours each week on those things, then shopping at various stores. There's little store loyalty or brand loyalty – she usually goes where she is going to get the lowest price on a given item (and she makes sure it rings up correctly at the register) or the greatest return (credits or dollars off for future purchases). She doesn't buy stuff we don’t need – this is all stuff we will use.

It is quite a tale when she returns and goes over the receipts, giddy and proud of her skills. She'll walk out of a store with several bags, spending under ten dollars or leaving with more dollars in credits for the next visit than she spent on the current visit. Reviewing the monthly credit card statement, I'll see charges for two bucks or less when I know she got out of that store with a bagful of items. It's all honest and by the rules, but if everyone did it, the stores or the manufacturers would go broke. The stores and manufacturers know that very few people will shop the way my wife does; they count on it.

When it comes to larger purchases, my wife researches them thoroughly.

It's great not having to do the shopping myself and knowing that we’re not spending any more than we need to.

That's an important way my wife makes my life better.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Samuel Corona: Admitted Child Murderer

If only we had a choice in boyfriends and girlfriends. Situations like these would never happen, right?

A California man has pleaded guilty to fatally beating and stomping his girlfriend's 6-year-old son, then taking the body to Arizona where it was buried and entombed in concrete.

Prosecutors say 37-year-old Samuel Corona pleaded guilty Friday to murder and torture for the 2007 death of Oscar Jimenez Jr.

As part of a plea deal, Corona is expected to be sentenced to life in prison without parole, escaping a possible death sentence if he had gone to trial.

The death penalty in California is a joke. Here's what happens to people sentenced to death:

They get special prison cells and protection. They don't have to worry about their own needs at all. Everything is taken care of for them - they get their shelter, a bed, clothing, meals, health care, and exercise. Oh, and groupies, if they want them. Then they die of old age.

Heck, as long as I could read what I wanted, which death row inmates can, I could be very happy with that life. Some murderers actually prefer a death sentence rather than LWOPP, because in California, it has the same end result, but death row inmates have it better.

It has been years since the last rare execution took place, and I don't expect there will be another one any time soon, if ever. But the ones who had been most recently executed had been on death row for something like 20-30 years. And they simply get put to sleep, never to wake up again, and yet people protest outside of the prison claiming that this is "cruel and unusual." The peole who wrote and adopted those words into the Constitution would laugh those protesters out of town.

I know there are great people out there who have good reasons for opposing the death penalty. That's fine. I can respect that. I disagree, though.

Investigators say Corona killed the boy inside the couple's San Jose home, then drove with the child's mother, Kathryn Jimenez, to Phoenix and buried the body.

A judge previously ruled that Kathryn Jimenez also was a victim of Corona's violence and sentenced her to one year in jail for endangering her son.

So when her boyfriend brutally murdered her son, rather than calling the cops, she went with her boyfriend! And she gets only one year in jail for putting her son under this monster’s foot. Please tell me her uterus has been removed. She was a victim of his violence? That is all the more reason why she should have done something to protect her son.

Her uterus should be used to block Corona’s air passage.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Is It Okay For Her to Initiate a Date?

STEPPING BACK INTO THE SCENE wrote in to Dear Abby:

I am a 40-year-old single mom who is just getting back into the dating scene after being divorced for a year and a half.
How many kids? What are their ages? Why was there a divorce? All of this matters.

There is a guy, "Hank," I'm interested in getting to know better.
E-mail him a list of questions.

We both have kids who go to the same high school. We have gone to several out-of-town football games with our kids and have texted each other often.

What's bothering me is Hank has never asked me on a one-on-one date.
You are both parents to minor children. You shouldn't be dating, other than if the kids are with family for a few hours and you want to do something casual.

Should I ask him, or should I wait for him to make the first move? I don't want to appear desperate, but I really would like to get closer.
Wait until both of you are done raising minor children. Get your tubes tied if you are still dropping eggs. Then, it depends on why you want to go on a one-on-done date. If you're looking for marriage, then you should go where the men are, including Hank, flirt, and accept date requests from any man that seems like marriage material. If what you learn about any of them excludes them from being your husband, stop dating them. If you just want sex, then go ahead and ask him out.

The best way to not appear desperate is to 1) be fine with being unattached, and 2) not limit yourself to one person until/unless engagement is about to happen. If you're doing those things, then initiating a date will not appear desperate.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Thoughts on the Marriage Delay and Marriage Strike

On Wednesday, March 9, Dr. Laura opened her show referring to an article about why men are delaying marriage. The reasons cited were pretty much right:

Men are trying to professionally and financially establish themselves
Men are waiting for the the right woman
Men like the level autonomy they have when unmarried
The availability of cheap easy sex
Shacking up
Not wanting to go through divorce
Less social pressure to get married

There might have been a couple of others, but they were all obvious.

Here's what I say…

Cheap easy sex is the biggest factor. Guys don't need to spend much time or money to get lots of sex from many different females, and they hear all sorts of stories of married me who are not getting enough sex. Not only is there no stigma associated with shacking up and little social pressure to marry, but men suffer no social consequences from having casual sex with many different women - as long as the men aren't married.

There is much less social pressure to get married, even from family, and most of the pressure to get married seems to be more about people wanting to party, meaning a wedding reception.
But it isn't just that there is less social pressure to get married; it is that men are not socially rewarded for getting married. Husbands are not only no longer respected, they are intensely disrespected by some wives, in our media and wider culture. We have de-incentivized marriage for men. And we also punish them for getting married, as women are much more likely to file for divorce, more likely to get paid for the divorce.

It does take longer to get financially secure than it used to, and to do so, a man may have to move multiple times. That is hardly condusive to finding a wife and courting her.

More women have more baggage and other problems, making it harder to find a good wife. When a man eliminates from consideration women who are: 1) busy still working on underdrad or graduate degrees for years to come; 2) in significant debt other than a sensible mortgage; 3) building a career she wants to keep that demands she be out of the home long hours every day or even travelling; 4) not willing to either raise her own kids or let her husband raise the kids; 5) significantly overweight; 6) dealing with (usually with drugs) some sort of serious physical or mental health issue or personality disorder that would interfere with marriage or mothering; 7) mothers to minor children... how many women are left that are 1) available and 2) compatible (goals, religion, personality, age range, mutual attraction)? Very, very few.

There IS a shorter supply of good men who are also marriage-minded, because such men are usually forged by 1) a combination of good mother figure AND father figure who are themselves in a good marriage; 2) participation in nonfeminized programs and events where men socialize boys without interference or constant observation from women; 3) women who demand the men they socialize with be good. How many men are raised and exist in such a situation these days? Being raised in daycare, sharing an address with a never-married or divorced mother, not having man-oriented socialization, and being surrounded by immodest, easy females is not a recipe to make good, marriage-minded men.

There are plenty of reasons men are delaying or opting out of marriage. But what are the reasons for them TO get married? We're told it is better for children and that for the men, it means better health, longer life, more money, and more sex. Well as you may know, correlation doesn't determine causation. Maybe it is the healthier, wealthier men who are more likely to attract a wife? Half of the money a husband earns is his wife's, so a man would have to make twice as much as he would if he was single for him to truly make more money. Also, maybe the kind of people who make good parents are also the kind more likely to marry. As far as sex, some men are willing to trade more frequent sex with the same woman to less frequent no-strings-attached sex with a variety of women. And, of course, some men don't want more sex than they are already getting.

Being brutally honest, the reasons I got married are 1) I wanted to raise children in the best environment possible; 2) I like sex a lot; 3) the Bible makes it clear that sex is for marriage; 4) I found a woman I believed to be a rare, wife-material woman compatible with me. A lot of guys don't care about #1 and #3. If I didn't care about those two things, I wouldn't have gotten married. But even a guy who does care about them has to care enough about them to seek #4, and she has to actually exist.

Essentially, many of the men who do marry get married because the woman they are "with" wants to get married, and too often, it isn't the marriage she wanted, but the wedding - the jewelry, the wedding dress, and the parties. If the guy marries that kind of female because he thinks it will make the situation better or make her happy, things will likely fall apart before they finally toss out that last bit of wedding cake stashed in the freezer.

Finally, the rise in narcissism, whether or not it has made the woman unthinkable as a wife, may have instilled in a man a lack of tolerance for being told by her or her mother what to do and how he's frequently wrong.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Men Want Sex More Than Women

With apologies to America's most successful talk show host (love him or hate him), it seems to me that one Undeniable Truth of Life is that in general, men want sex more than women.

Anybody want to argue this?

Sure, there are some women who want sex more than some men, and sometimes these people meet, but in general, men want sex more than women. If you randomly select a man out of all of the men in the world and randomly select a woman out of all of the women in the world, most likely, he's going want sex more than her.

To me, the most obvious example of this is that the overwhelming majority of prostitution customers today and in every culture in history are and have been male. True, some prostitutes are male, but most male prostitutes (or sex slaves, in some cultures) service males.

Most strip clubs target male customers.

Most porn targets male customers.

Men are mostly expected to do the pursuing, including asking for dates, paying for dates, asking for marriage, etc. However, this example is not as clear to me at the prostutution example, because of all of the other factors involved. Same goes for polygamy, which some people automatically think of in terms of polygyny (one husband, multiple wives), which is currently seen in some Muslim cultures and families, in Mormon splinter groups (as seen in the fictional "Big Love" and the reality show "Sister Wives") and in a very crude form in the lives of people like Charlie Sheen and Hugh Hefner.

With as easy as some women have become these days, most men still have to do a little work to get sex. Not so for a woman. A woman who wants sex can almost certainly get sex at any time with almost no effort whatsoever. Standards, concerns about reputation, and other factors more important to women than sexual gratification keep most women from testing this, but most people know this to be true based on human nature.

Observers of homosexual sociology note the generalities are different when comparing gay men/couples to lesbian women/couples when it comes to things like sexual frequency. how much time elapses between meeting for the first time and sexual activity, and the persistence of sexual encounters in long-term relationships. Why? Men want sex more than women.

I'll save the implications of this truth for another day. But if anyone disagrees, please comment. Heck, you can comment if you agree, too.

Thoughts?

Monday, March 14, 2011

Shame on You For Reading This

Well, not really.

Some people express feelings of guilt for the amount of time they spend in front of a computer screen or staring into a screen on their phone. They think they should be spending more time doing "something else". The problem is, the people who wonder if they're spending too much time online, Facebooking or whatever, are probably not the people who are. The people who are spending too much time are among the people who don't even question it.

I don't think spending time on those things is necessarily bad; often, it is beneficial. Someone might look at the amount of time I spend in front of a computer monitor or using a smart phone, but I am, in no particular order...

1) working
2) checking the news (legit news... not what the latest teen pop guy is doing)
3) involved in a hobby (like this blog) or entertainment
4) keeping in touch with family and friends
5) paying bills, making orders, and doing research about possible purchases
6) writing love letters to my wife

So, the amount of time I spend "online" has to be compared to the amount of time I would be spending watching TV, reading newspapers and magazines, talking on the phone, writing letters, running errands, and doing mail if I couldn't do these things online. In fact, using a this technology may reduce the amount of time spent doing the things that take me away from family or other obligations.

Online technology has also brought enourmous benefits in terms of productity and quality of life. As I type, there are people confirming that their loved ones in Japan are still alive thanks to social networking.

Now, if you're spending two hours a day doing Farmville, and your time working or being with family is suffering as a result, then that's a problem.

Right now, if it weren't for Facebook, Twitter, and e-mail, I would have almost zero contact with my friends. That's a problem either way - I should see my friends more often. But right now, I'm not. So, would it be better to have no contact with them, or limited contact that still allows me to keep up on what is going on in their lives?

If you're finding yourself spending too much time reading status updates on Facebook, I highly suggest creating groups/lists of "friends" - one for current coworkers/professional colleagues, another for classmates, etc. One of the things I did was create one that would only be people I just "had" to keep updated with... family, close friends, and contacts through whom I could expect to be reasonably informed about what was going on in certain social circles. That has saved a lot of time for me, because most days I only read the status updates from that that last list. No need to "defriend" anyone. They'll have no idea you aren't reading their status updates, other than that you never comment on anything they do except when you are tagged.

What say you???

Wednesday, March 09, 2011

Pin the Tail on the Sperm Donor

Sometimes, Dear Abby gets it very wrong. UNSURE IN ILLINOIS wrote in to Dear Abby:

I am the mother of a beautiful daughter who has never met her real father.
You mean the sperm donor?

I wasn't sure about who he was, a fact I'm not proud of.
DNA tests are a must, guys, when it comes to those newborns.

I tried to convince myself that her dad was the one guy I really liked at the time, but as she has grown older, many of her mannerisms and little habits reflect characteristics of the other guy ("Bobby") who was also in my life then. I parted ways with both men while I was pregnant.
Ever hear of... adoption when you were that age? How about, oh, contraception?

I am currently married, although we are struggling. I am now questioning whether I should try to locate Bobby to see if he is the father. I don't expect anything from him, but I would like a resolution.
Hmmmm… she writes "we are struggling" and then writes "I don't expect anything from him." Riiiight.

This could strain my relationship with my husband, but if Bobby is the father, I strongly feel he has a right to know.
Why? Sound like you never told the other guy, either - he had just as much right to know as Bobby, right? Bobby had more of a right to know back when you were on your way to delivering. It is a little late now. Let's get real. She's hoping that Bobby will be rich and more attractive and nicer than her current husband, and that she can leave her current husband for Bobby. She admits it could cause strain in her marriage, and who knows what kind of strain it will cause her daughter and Bobby? She remembers Bobby as the guy she was having sex with all those years ago. He doesn't look the same anymore, and he probably doesn't act the same.

Dear Abby’s response was wrong...

Because you are willing to risk straining the relationship you have with your current husband, explain to him that you need to be sure of the identity of your daughter's father because the man's medical history could one day be important for her to have. It's the truth.
No, it isn't the truth. The girl's real father is the guy who is paying her bills and protecting her (he shouldn't have dated and married a mother of a minor child, and now he's going to suffer for having done so). She can send the daughter to get genetic tests and have medical exams that will determine possible medical issues. No need to contact Bobby.

Then contact both men you were seeing at the time of her conception, explain the situation, and request a DNA test.
Are you kidding me?!? More havoc?!? How about having her husband contact some old flings to check and see if they have any kids that could possibly be his biological offspring?

If you let them know that you don't expect anything from them but their medical history, they may be willing to comply -- and you'll have your answer.
She can say whatever she wants. A lawyer can still sue for back and future child support, and inheritance, on behalf of her daughter.

Guys, if you know you don't want (more) children and are fairly certain that will not change, and you're going to have sex with your wife or fornicate with women who are not your wife, get a vasectomy and have it verified with two sperm counts. Make deposits in a sperm bank first if you think you might change your mind about kids.

Tuesday, March 08, 2011

Cutting the Cost of Divorce?

About a month ago, in Kathy M. Kristof's personal finance column in the Los Angeles Times had the title, "Cutting the Cost of Divorce". Essentialy, it boils down to using an attorney as little as possible.

And nothing could be worse for your finances than a contentious marital split, said Mark Baer, a family law attorney in Pasadena. Baer has compiled data to prove it. Married couples have significantly more assets than similarly situated singles until they divorce, he says. Then the economic advantage is more than wiped out.
Exactly. Men, you’re told that married men make more money than unmarried men. But a married man's income is not his own. If his wife brings in no income, then half of his income is hers, according to law. And that doesn't count child support. In reality, wives make most of the spending decisions, by far. That is why so much of advertising and ad-supported media is targeted towards female sensititivies, and why offending or trashing men isn't a problem.

You may be outraged by whatever conduct led to your divorce, and your friends might tell you to take your ex for all he or she is worth. But reality is another story. The judge doesn't care that you, and everyone you know, thinks your ex should spend the rest of his or her life in the poorhouse because of whatever was done to you.

"Half. You get half of the assets accumulated during marriage," said Diana Mercer, coauthor of "Making Divorce Work: 8 Essential Keys to Resolving Conflict and Rebuilding Your Life." "I just saved you $400 in attorney's fees."
One spouse can behave very, very badly and not be penalized by the court. Aside from child custody/support, the court only cares about money. So, if one spouse sat around watching TV, getting fat, and having sex with a revolving door of lovers while the other spouse worked like a dog, the court and laws essentially reward the couch potato.

The advice in the column boils down to using your attorney as little as possible. However, when your soon-to-be-ex has to pay for your attorney, why cut that back?

Some would say the way to save the most on a divorce is... not to divorce in the first place. Well, that's all well and good. But in most places, you can't legally stop someone from divorcing you, and if they're going to get all sort of parting gifts for doing so, socially, there may not be much you can do either.

This is where I note that staying unmarried reduces a person's chance of getting divorced to zero, and that the law and society no longer discourage an unmarried person from having sex, attending events or vacationing with a lover, enjoying domestic services, etc.

"Mini True" at 7:41 AM February 6, 2011:

To the author of this article: you were remiss in your duty.

You titled your piece "Cutting the cost of divorce." How about including "prenuptial agreements" as a method of cutting the costs? At least a sentence or two???
Very good point.

"JerryLazar" at 10:05 PM February 6, 2011:

You missed the single biggest cost-saver -- MEDIATION!
Another good point.

I'll take this opportunity to remind readers:

Do NOT get married, unless...
-You understand what you're getting yourself into. (Read through some of the blogs!)
-You really want to be a spouse for life.
-You are prepared to be a spouse.
-You have found someone who is prepared to be a spouse.
-That person is fundamentally compatible with you – your needs, your goals, your personality, your priorities, your values, your faith, etc.
-You are attracted to each other physically and emotionally.

I highly recommend going through a premarital process, before a date is set for the wedding, of drawing up a customized prenuptial agreement that involves full disclosure of the history and present state of your health, finances, driving record, police record, court record, etc. This will help with many of the above points. Hopefully, you'll never need to use the prenup.

Once married, strive to be the kind of person to whom you'd like to come home. Make your spouse's life better.

Thursday, March 03, 2011

When the Neighbors Put on a Show

GETTING AN EYEFUL IN OHIO, who lives in a home and has a son who is under 2, wrote in to Dear Abby:

After living here for a while, we noticed that the neighbors behind us have a large window in their shower, and they tend to take a lot of nighttime showers. (I'm sure you can see where this is heading.)
It turns you on?

For a long time, we chose to ignore it, but my motherly instincts are getting the better of me now. I can't help thinking of the day when my son is old enough to realize what he's seeing.
Ah.

My husband and I have been debating whether to tell our neighbors we can see them showering.

They probably know. They might like it. Why else would they have a big, uncovered window in the shower? It's not hard to cover the window. Or am I more aware of sight lines than people in general?

Don't bring it up to them, unless you want to pay them a compliment or hit on them, which I don't recommend.

Sometimes they get pretty carried away in there.
I would hope so.

Should I tell them we can see everything? And if so, how do I go about it without causing them to be embarrassed, ashamed or angry?
There's no telling how they would react for sure. I've always been aware of my surroundings when having some form of sex. I made a point of closing the blinds at one girlfriend's condo. I'd like to say I did that because I'm not an exhibitionist - it was more a matter of knowing on some level that I was doing something wrong (fornicating). There were a couple of times she closed the blinds as a way of initiating.

Isn't there a room of your home suitable for your son that doesn't face that window? If not, consider shutters/shades/blinds or remodeling. On planting trees/bushes in the way.

Given the Biblical prohibition against "adultery in the heart" I can't justify it, but being brutally honest about myself, I'd probably watch. Aside from male sexual nature, there's the curiosity factor.

Dear Abby's response was wrong. She told them to write a note proposing working on a solution together.

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

When The Sheen Wears Off the Fantasy

Idealistic and narcissistic women think they have a magic vagina that will change troubled males into good husbands and fathers. And there are some women who want, on some level, to be mistreated. That’s why women take on and keep boyfriends who are abusive or otherwise a mess who are in no condition to have a healthy relationship. When it comes to guys like Charlie Sheen, there's the added lure for gold diggers and attention whores of money and fame.

Brooke Mueller should have had ample indication that Sheen was not marriage material (how hard is it to contact Denise Richards, really?), yet she married him and made babies with him, thereby messing up the lives of others. And barring Sheen's imminent death, which would surprise nobody, she won't be the last woman to do this with Sheen. You can read AP Entertainment Writer Anthony Mccartney's story here.

Charlie Sheen's estranged wife Brooke Mueller obtained a restraining order to keep the actor away from her and their sons because she was afraid of threatening statements the actor had made in recent days, including stabbing her in the eye with a pen.

The order prompted police to take the twins from Sheen's Hollywood Hills home on Tuesday night and return them to Mueller's care.
Actually, isn't she in rehab herself?

According to a sworn declaration filed in the case, Mueller said Sheen told her in a phone call Sunday night, "I will cut your head off, put it in a box and send it to your mom!"
Lovely.

"(Sheen) has made various bizarre, disturbing and violent statements to the media in the past week which cause me great fear for the safety of our children while in his care as he does not appear mentally stable," Mueller wrote. She also noted a Christmas Day 2009 fight in Aspen, Colo., which led to the actor pleading guilty to misdemeanor third-degree assault.

In the filing, Mueller states she felt obligated to travel to the Bahamas with Sheen and two young women currently living in his Hollywood Hills home. She said that Sheen started the trip in a good mood, but drank on the plane and became belligerent on Feb. 23.

Mueller claims Sheen turned a flashlight on in her face, held a pen to her face and threatened to stab her in the eye with a knife. She wrote that she then left the Bahamas and returned to Los Angeles.
Yes, she is in rehab:

Mueller acknowledges her own sobriety issues in the declaration. She said she is in a day rehab treatment program, but that she can care for the children for four hours during the day and at night. She told the court that she would be living with a sober companion, and that her mother would help with the twins' care.
Ladies: You do have a choice in men. You do. You have freedoms other women in other parts of the world or in past times will never know. Don't be so stupid with that freedom. Your vagina, while a glorious example of God's good work, will not change guys like Sheen. Sheen's role in life will be to continue as a counduit moving studio funds to prostitutes and drug dealers. And fodder for the overabundent "entertainment" journalists.

I've subjected myself to mistreatment before (though not physical abuse). But I eventually wised up, and thankfully didn't marry in such a situation nor make babies.

What say you?

Tuesday, March 01, 2011

A Waste of Human Potential

People can be convinced to do just about anything, given the right conditions. You don't have to be stupid to allow yourself to fall into a trap. In fact, it often takes someone of high intelligence to be convinced to do some really bizarre things (think cultists who commit suicide together). Check out this Associated Press story by Jeff Karoub about Steven Demink, a very evil man who convinced some mothers to do some evil things. Please don’t think I’m excusing the mothers.

In real life, Steven Demink didn't have children, a college degree or a lasting career. Online, prosecutors say, he presented himself as Dalton St. Clair, an attractive single father and psychologist — a fantasy image authorities say the Michigan man used to persuade mothers across the country to commit unspeakable acts on their children.

Demink, 41, of Redford Township [Michigan, I’m thinking], preyed on single mothers for more than a year, prosecutors say, convincing them to sexually assault their children as a form of therapy. After pleading guilty Monday to six charges related to the sexual exploitation of children, Demink faces 15 years to life in prison when he is sentenced in June.
How was he able to do this?

Demink's alter-ego was a single father of a 14-year-old girl, prosecutors said, and he posted pictures of male models as his headshots.
It's a good thing he really didn’t actually have children.

In some cases, court documents say, Demink promised the women a date if they followed through with his directions.
Playing on desperation for a walking ATM can get you far.

Since authorities arrested him in October, seven children were rescued and at least three mothers have been arrested. Prosecutors say all of the children are now safe.
Isn't that a little like saying that an arson burn victim is now safe because she is no longer on fire?

Authorities say Demink chatted with mothers from New Hampshire, Florida, Idaho and elsewhere, persuading them to engage in sexual acts with their children and send images via e-mail or through a live web stream. The children ranged in age from 3 to 15.
Of course Florida had to be part of this. So many strange stories involve that state.

Demink told U.S. District Judge Gerald Rosen that before his arrest, he worked as a car salesman for about six months and before that for about five years at a local bank.
As if people didn't hate bankers and car salesmen enough already.

He said he completed a U.S. Customs and Border Protection training program in 2002 and worked for the Immigration and Naturalization Service for about a year.
That explains a lot.

As part of his plea agreement with prosecutors, seven charges against Demink were dropped.
I'm assuming the plea agreement was meant to spare victims a trial?

In one case, Demink started online chats with an Oregon woman about the sexual development of her 8-year-old autistic son, according to the plea agreement. He told her to engage in sexually explicit conduct with her son as a way to teach him about sex, prosecutors say, and she did so while Demink watched on a web camera.
You wonder how someone could fall for this, but people fall for all sorts of foolishness. I'm sure if we could be taken through how this happened step by step, we'd have a better understanding of how the mother could have suspended her judgment enough to do this. A lot of it could be the power we give to psychologists.

A Teton County Sheriff's Office report from December 2009 said the Idaho woman met "Daltonst28" on an online dating site called singleparentmeet.com. She told police she performed sex acts on her young son as directed by her online male friend.

The woman's mother, Eileen Schwab of Idaho, said she knows little of how Demink convinced her daughter to follow his orders. She said her daughter was "depressed and lonesome" after her divorce.
Good for Schwab. She decided to protect her grandchildren and the children of others over her protecting her own daughter from legal consequences.

Demink's attorney, Timothy Dinan, said his client "has expressed a lot of remorse" for what he did and has taken responsibility by pleading guilty.
He's probably just sorry he got caught. What a waste of human potential.

I'm glad law enforcement isn't letting the mothers off of the hook. I do wonder if the charges would have been the same and if the news article would have been the same if the sexes were switched - if this had been about some women convincing single fathers to molest their daughters.

Learn how to think clearly, critically, and discern. Don't blindly accept whatever "experts" tell you. Ask them to explain how they came to their conclusions. Some very intelligent and educated people have believed some very wrong things. Look for contradictions. And if something doesn't pass the smell test, think very hard more than once about it.