Monday, January 30, 2017

Don't Date Single Mothers - Here is Why

[This is this blog's most popular post. I think it holds up well and is highly relevant in today's world.]

Not of all of these reasons apply to everyone. Some men are dating for sex, others are dating for marriage and sex, for example. Also, “single mother” can mean different things*.

Men, especially men with game, have a choice in women. Some women have children, some don’t. Unless you’re a pedophile, it is extremely unlikely that a woman with a child has anything to offer that’s of benefit to you that a woman without a child lacks. Conversely, here are the downsides of dating a single mother, in no particular order:

1) The kid(s) will always come first for her, and that’s the way it should be. A woman without a child has much more freedom to be available for you. An unmarried mother should put her child(ren) first. The child is already dealing with not having a mother and father married to each other and living together, and needs parental attention. That child does not need to compete with you, and you don’t need to compete with that child. Even if you were to marry her, the child(ren) will always come first, whereas being with a childless woman means YOU come first. Having children in the mix complicates EVERYTHING!

2) Most relationships end. So you’d bond with her children and then you (and the children) would have to endure the pain of losing or restricting that bond with each other. That’s bad enough for you, but you should not be a party to putting a child through that.

3) Being around the child(ren) exposes you to false charges of abuse. If the child likes you, if you’re nice to the child, that’s no insurance against false accusations. It probably makes you MORE of a target. These children are more likely to have mental and emotional problems. Social workers know that children in these situations are more likely to be abused by their mother’s lovers, so they’ll be more likely to believe you are a culprit. Even if you are ultimately cleared of false accusations, the mere accusation can ruin your life. This reason alone should eliminate single mothers from your consideration.

4) You WILL have to pay more than if you date a childless woman. First it will start off with having to pay for babysitters, and then she will want to have “dates” on which the child(ren) will come along. So not only will you not be getting sex, but you’re going to have to hang out at Chuck E. Cheese’s AND pay for the child’s meals and entertainment. Depending on what is happening with the child’s biological father, how much time the child spends around you, paying for the child, and buying gifts for the child (think birthdays, Christmas, etc.), you can end up getting tagged for child support. All it takes is some judge or government official picking YOU to pay for the child’s need rather than taxpayers. Finally, if you marry her, you will DEFINITELY be paying more.

5) A woman who has given birth can’t ever have a body close to what she had before carrying a child. This is not saying that having a child isn’t worth it, but this is not about YOU having a child. That child is hers, not yours. Her body was changed by something that is of no benefit to you.

6) You don’t want to be a father. She has demonstrated already that she doesn’t know how to effectively use contraception OR otherwise doesn’t make good choices because she made children with the wrong guy (most likely)*, and has demonstrated that she WANTS to be a mother as she kept the child. Once a woman is a mother, she is less reluctant to avoid pregnancy. She may WANT her child(ren) to have a sibling, and you don’t want to end up being Daddy. It doesn’t matter what she says as far as “I don’t want another child” or “I can’t get pregnant” or “I’m using contraception” or “I wouldn’t ask anything of you.” Women lie or change their minds about this sort of thing all of time**, and even if she doesn’t, a court can make you be Daddy, financially anyway.

7) You don’t want to be divorced. Especially since women are more likely to file for divorce, marrying a divorced woman means you are more likely to end up divorced from her. Second marriages have a higher failure rate than first marriage. Marrying a woman with minor children gives you about a 70% chance of getting divorced.

8) You don’t want to deal with the child’s father. Even if you’re just dating her and don’t want to get married, if the father(s) of the child(ren) is/are in the picture, that is likely going to be even more of a hassle for you. Even if a biodad isn't in the picture right now, he can always resurface and wreak havoc unless he's dead.

As you can see, whether you’re just looking for sex or you actually do want to get married (= legally obligating yourself to give at least half of everything you’ll ever earn to a woman, being held legally/financially responsible for any children she births during the marriage whether they are yours or not), you should avoid single mothers. This is written to protect men (and, somewhat, children). None of this is to say single mothers are bad people and certainly not to say all women do the things I listed. Some do, and men should protect themselves.


*Women are “single mothers” for different reasons. While the term should be reserved for never-married mothers, it can also refer to divorced mothers and widowed mothers. Unless she was widowed because her husband was killed through no fault of his own (as opposed to guys who committed suicide, or had unhealthy lives, or were involved in crime), she picked the wrong man and/or treated him like crap. A few single mothers used a sperm donor, and those women think men are not important.

**Never trust a woman’s claims she can’t/doesn’t want to get pregnant (unless, of course, you WANT to have children with her). Assume she is fertile and will want to have a baby.

[This entry gets a lot of traffic, relative to my other entries. It must resonate with someone.]

Here's how to exit a relationship with a single mother if you're already in one.

Thursday, January 26, 2017

Does He Really Care?

I believe it was Dr. Laura's opening comments on her Monday, January 23 2017 show in which she listed and described ways to know a man loves you. If you listen to her or read her stuff, or follow this blog, you know that for her, dating is for discerning if you're a match for marriage. If you're in your late twenties or older, you're finding your spouse and you marry about two years after you start dating. (But keep in mind, if a guy is in his 40s and has never been married, he's probably not going to marry or probably not marriage material, and nobody with minor children should be dating seriously enough that the minor children meet their parent's new lover.)

So with that in mind, here's  Dr. Laura's list of signs he loves you, even if he hasn't SAID the words. Some of it might be slightly paraphrased from what she said:

You're having a bad day and he tries to turn it around, bringing sweetness into your life.
He remembers the little things you say and do.
What you say makes a difference to him.
He wants to know about your day.
He talks about his day.
He says and does cute little "nothings" (which Dr. Laura says are somethings).
He puts you first in front of his friends.
He wants to know more about you.
He loves to hold your hand.
He enjoys taking care of you  and wants to know you're OK.
He offers you a helping hand when you need one.
He remembers the special occasions.
He likes to be close, such as watching a movie and cuddling.
He wants to meet and know your family and to like them.

He talks about his dreams for the future, hints or talks about "our" future
He makes time for you.
Your opinion matters.
He can't stay mad at you for long.
He tells you what he likes about you.
He apologizes when appropriate.
He's very protective of you.
He touches you in subtle and loving ways.
He gets giddy.
He says nice things about you to others.

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

March Madness

People have the right to protest, not riot, and not litter. And we all have a right to analyze their protests to see if what they're saying is true and what they want is a good thing. A lot of people have spread this essay by Dina Leygerman. Let's take a look at it. After that, I'll link to some coherent and reality-based stuff.

It has the headline, "You Are Not Equal. I’m Sorry."
A post is making rounds on social media, in response to the Women’s March on Saturday, January 21, 2017. It starts with “I am not a “disgrace to women” because I don’t support the women’s march. I do not feel I am a “second class citizen” because I am a woman….”
This is my response to that post.
Because, if you don't think you're a victim, by golly you're wrong!

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

It's Not Too Early To Think About Valentine's Day

Ladies, you can scroll down to where I address you. The first part of this entry is for men.

Guys, I'm not talking about planning an overpriced romantic production.

I'm talking about GETTING OUT.

Get out of that engagement or relationship before wasting time, money, and effort on Valentine's Day.

If you're married and happy, fine... go ahead and plan something. But if you're married and unhappy (and have no minor children!) and are thinking about getting out, now is the time to make your move (if your lawyer agrees). If you're shacking up, now is the time time to make your move. If you've got a girlfriend, now is the time to make your move. If you're seeing someone but she's not your girlfriend, become very scarce until February 15. You don't want to continue things or make them worse.

If you're not absolutely sure you want to be with this woman for the long term, don't waste your time, money, and energy, and don't waste her time. Get out before Valentine's Day.


You don't need a wife, but most of you will get married anyway, even though you can't explain why, in part because some married guys aren't being honest with you. If you're going to be proposing (see this before you do), do NOT propose on Valentine's Day, her birthday, or any other gift-giving occasion, or it makes it more likely she can keep the ring if things don't work out. You want that ring to be considered conditional. You should NOT be marrying if you have minor children (unless she's the mother of your children); your kids shouldn't even know you are seeing anyone.



*****

Hey ladies... do you have a man in your life? A husband, a steady, a romantic partner?

Does he care about the Super Bowl? If so, will/did you help make it a great day for him? If he doesn't care about the Super Bowl, is there some other annual day other than his birthday that you give him an especially good time?

If not, why do you expect him to make a big deal about Valentine's Day?

Valentine's Day is NOT for men. It just isn't. It is a day when men are expected to make a huge fuss about romancing a woman. There are the dinner reservations, entertainment, gifts, chocolates and candies, flowers, cards, etc. Now, sure, a man who is genuinely happy in his relationship wants to give the woman what she wants. However, a scheduled and expected (demanded) communal thing means more hassle, more expense, etc. Who needs that? If it is truly about celebrating your love, it can be done any day of the week, when there won't be crowds and jacked up costs.

If you have a man who makes a big deal about Valentine's Day, I hope you reciprocate on another day or you at least make it worth his effort.

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

What To Teach My Son?

My son currently insists he's never getting married.

He's still just a little kid, though, so it could still be the childhood "girls are yucky" sort of thing, or it could be more serious, such as seeing what my life is like as a husband. I try to put on a good face, but he is more than smart enough to observe the fact that I have to go work as much as I do and yet we have to watch our spending and that I spend much of my time at home being my wife's butler.

I know what I'm supposed to teach my son, according to the standard operation procedure of the subculture to which I belong: Stay "pure", go to college and/or the military, get a career, get married and make babies, and stay married at least until those babies are all grown, all while regularly attending church and giving "ten percent" and more to the church, in addition to time and effort serving in some capacity. And he should do this so... his sons can do the same thing, and their sons can do the same thing.

However, I can't, in conscience, encourage a son of mine to enter into what our laws and culture now call marriage.

And there's the great paradox.

Thursday, January 05, 2017

Men! Don't Ruin A Woman's Life By Marrying Her!

Haven't you noticed how miserable husbands make wives?

Wives constantly complain about their husbands.

They complain about their husbands to the husbands. They complain about their husbands to their therapists and counselors. They complain about their husbands to their family. They complain about their husbands to their neighbors. They complain about their husbands to their friends. They complain about their husbands on social media. They complain about their husbands on daytime television gabfests. They complain about their husbands in so many television advertisements.

And there's so much to complain about.


According to reports, husbands create an extra seven hours per week of housework for their wives!

You can also find lists of common complaints wives have, like this one.
1. “He never helps around the house.”
So he causes her to have more housework and he doesn't help!
2. “He plays too many video games.” Or something like fantasy football.
Don't burden her with your frivolity, guys. Don't marry her so she doesn't have to see it.
3. “We have the same arguments every day.”
How dare you not just go along with whatever she wants today, guys? If you don't marry her, she won't have to argue with you.
4. “He drinks too much.”
She shouldn't have to see that, guys. Stay unmarried and go drinking with your buddies.
5. “His family drives me nuts.”
Don't give her in-laws to deal with by marrying her, guys.
6. “He brings too much junk food into the house.”
If you're not living with her, you won't be bringing junk food into her house.
7. “He doesn’t know anything about the kids.”
Don't bother her by being around but not knowing the details, guy!
8. “He always wants to have sex.”
Guys, how can you ruin her life by wanting to sex with her so much? Stay unmarried so you can divide your advances among multiple women. And you're not good enough in bed.
9. “The credit card statement is always a surprise.”
You're buying stuff without her approval?!? Don't marry her and she won't get the credit card statements.
10. “A little appreciation would be nice.”
Men, don't marry her and prevent all those other guys from expressing their appreciation for her. Half of your income is NOT demonstrating enough appreciation. You don't show you appreciation, you don't romance her. Let her be romanced and pursued by better men than you.

Husbands do everything wrong! Even your sense of humor becomes less effective once you are a husband. So don't be a husband.

Husbands often don't earn enough.
Husbands often spend too much time at work.
Husbands are too whiny and dramatic when they get sick.

So don't be a husband. Don't marry a woman and ruin her life.

Wives are far more likely to file for divorce than husbands, clearly because husbands are so likely to be burdens on her, and women have so many complaints about their ex husbands.

DON'T DO THAT TO A WOMAN. Be a nice guy by saving her from the hassles and drudgery and annoyances and burdens husbands bring by NOT marrying her, and NOT moving in together. Otherwise, her sighs might give her breathing problems, and eye rolls might give her vision problems.

Show that you respect her, especially as an equal, by honoring the fact that she doesn't need a man, that she can do everything you can do, that she can do it on her own, and that she's strong and independent, by NOT becoming a husband.

DON'T RUIN A WOMAN'S LIFE BY MARRYING HER.

Now, she might still want a wedding. But what is it she really wants? She wants a series of parties that she plans and controls and that are about her. If you want to give that to woman, you can mark a birthday of hers with a series of such parties, and if you really want, you can gift her a diamond  ring and a nice vacation, too. You can do that and pay for all of that and you can do it without becoming a husband.