Answering Marriage Seller Assertions, Talking Points, and Questions - Part 10

Read Part 1 here and Part 2 here and Part 3 here and Part 4 here and Part 5 here and Part 6 here and Part 7 here and Part 8 here and Part 9 here.

Single men waste a lot of time and money running around chasing women.

So do a lot of married men!

But seriously, when a man signs a terrible state contract, his money and time are no longer his own. They are controlled by his wife. Marriage sellers think that is a good thing, and not wasteful.

The men who try this argument reveal that they considered what they did/do when unmarried to be a waste. And maybe it was. Whether the time and money he spends is a waste is up to him to decide.

But many unmarried men, especially free men who know what they're doing, which might include running game, don't waste much time or money and are very much happy with being unmarried.

If a man runs game, he won't be spending a lot of time and money. He's definitely spending less than a husband, though a common complaint of wives is that their husband isn't spending a lot of time and money "chasing" her. How is buying overpriced flowers that will be withered and discarded soon, or chocolates for an obese wife NOT wasting money? You know what a waste of money is? Paying for two sets of divorce lawyers because you interred into a terrible state contract even though you didn't need to.

If you're really so worried that "single" men are wasting time and money how about showing them how to live the life they want for less time and money spent, instead of urging them to sign a terrible state contract?

Part 11

Gut Check Time for Men Legally Married to Men

Many same-sex marriages legally started in June 2015 or in the few years before.

In states like California, the spouse who earns more get tagged with ongoing support payments when the legal marriage ends. For every two days married, it's another day of payments. But at ten years of being legally married, you can be compelled to make payments for the rest of your life.

As of this writing, it is January 2022. [Bumped this up.]

California started giving contracts to to same-sex couples, uninterrupted, in June 2013. Some of you are rapidly approaching that ten-year mark, and some of you still have over three years until you get there.

Either way, if you're not absolutely certain that both you and your spouse want to keep this legal contract intact for the rest of your lives, you need to figure out what you're going to do.

Don't end up like so many heterosexual men, who are making never-ending payments to someone who hates their guts.

Or, use your proven lobbying power to change marriage and family law for the better.

UPDATE: How many of you have already bailed out? Don't let family law screw you over even more! Get out if you need to.

When Marriage Sellers Make One of My Points For Me

The Institute for Family Studies, despite being, overall, a marriage seller, is the gift that keeps on giving. There was another round of trying to convince people they're better of having less sex and less sexual variety. Let's take a look at this graph:


 
That graph was used to try to show people that sexual abstinence before means your marriage will be much more stable.

Look closely,  though. Even the best category shows that more than 55 percent of married people in that category believe their marriage may be in trouble of ending. Remember, this is from an organization that is promoting marriage. A minority of married people think their marriage is "very stable."

Do you want to get into a terrible state contract in which, most likely, you will be worried that you are facing what some men call "divorce rape"?

It gets "better," though. Let' look at the next graph.



According to this, 78-80 percent of married people who "saved sex" are NOT very satisfied with their sexual relationship. Sure, the point they were trying to make - that it's even worse for those of you who've had two or more partners - is true... so don't bother to marry!

Why bother to sign a terrible state contract if those are the odds?!?

When someone implies or outright says that "saving sex" for marriage will mean your marriage will be stable, without fear of it ending, and that your marital sex life will be very satisfying, they are ignoring that for MOST people who marry under those circumstances that's not true! Even just the data from which these graphs come indicate there are many married people who are very dissatisfied with their sex lives, including people who "waited". Those people, and the trade offs and risks shouldn't be ignored.

To be fair, there may be studies that show relationship stability and sexual satisfaction rates are even lower for people who aren't married. That's a "cart and horse" thing, meaning it could be that if people don't think their relationship is stable and the sex isn't great, they're less likely to marry.

But yet again, I must point out that these studies and surveys never distinguish intentionally free men who run game to find out how stable their lives are and how satisfied they are with their sex lives. There are men who are loving life and thriving free of a supposedly exclusive or marital relationship, and some them are also very happy with their sex life.

More Fun With Statistics - Body County and Marriage

Reviewing Deep Dive

Three episodes in, my predictions here about "Dr. Laura's Deep Dive" podcast are turning out to be correct.

The free weekly podcast is between 30 and 40 minutes, and supported by advertisements at the start, end, and with breaks inside of the episode, too.

Dr. Laura pontificates on a topic she often addresses on her "live" program that airs on SiriusXM and is available as a podcast through payments on her website. She supports her points with rereading letters and replaying calls that have been on her program.

Episode 1: What Dr. Laura considers bad parenting is the reason for most of what Dr. Laura considers today's problems. Specifically, parents paying or things, like cars and phones, for their older kids rather than making the kids earn those things themselves.

Episode 2: Dr. Laura has saved children and encouraged her callers and listeners to save children, ranging from saving them from being aborted to saving them from being in stepfamily homes.

Episode 3: Essentially the answer to "What about The Proper Care and Feeding of Wives?" It's a basic overview on how to be a good husband, according to Dr. Laura.

If your time is limited, here's the bottom line:

If you regularly listen to her "live" program, either on SiriusXM or via podcast, there's no need to listen to "Deep Dive." If you want Dr. Laura's point of view about life and you really don't care about "live" calls and/or don't want to pay for the podcast or SiriusXM, "Deep Dive" might be enough for you.

Answering Marriage Seller Assertions, Talking Points, and Questions - Part 9

Read Part 1 here and Part 2 here and Part 3 here and Part 4 here and Part 5 here and Part 6 here and Part 7 here and Part 8 here.


These questions are closely related, and so the answers can be adapted.


Don't you want someone special in your life?

There is more than one way to answer this depending on your situation.

A) No.

B) I have multiple special people in my life.

C) I am someone special in my life.

D) I can/do have someone special in my life without a terrible state contract.

E) Everything in life is a tradeoff. I'd much rather be guaranteed my freedom than have the possibility of having a wife, and even if having one, only for as long as she chooses to stay.

F) I just haven't been able to find her.


Don't you want to come home to somebody?

This is a variation on the previous question, and all of the answers for that question work. In addition, many married men come home to an empty home.


Don't you want to grow old with somebody?

This is another variation of the previous question. Marrying doesn't mean you will grow old with someone. Plenty of people who married grow old alone.

You can also say that no, you don't want to grow old with someone. You want to be with adults who want to be with you, and to whom you're attracted, whatever your age and whatever their age.


Don't you want someone to take care of you when you're older?

That's what long-term care insurance and medical professionals are for.


Who'll be there for you when you die? Who will care?

You want me to sign a terrible state contract with someone and endure their crap for 60 years in case it makes it more likely they'll be there when I'm dying? People who do something with their life or maintain good friendships will be mourned. Both of those things are easier if a man stays free.


You're going to end up sad and alone.

Most people who end up sad and alone married.


It's amazing how people want you to spend a life in a terrible state contract and, likely, a terrible arrangement, giving up your freedom and sacrificing your dreams and what you want to do, so that one specific person might be there when you die or are getting close to death.

Part 10

A Question for Men Who Are Or Have Been Married

If you knew before you married what you know now about how she does/did things or handles/handled things, would you have married her?

It may be about how she parents the kids; maybe you don't like what she's done with them. But if you're happy to have your children, don't let that be the reason you come down on the side of "Yes, I would have married her." You could have had the children without marrying her. Think about how she treats you, how she handles life, independent of being a mother to your children. If she already had kids, they can be part of the consideration. How has she been or how was she as a wife? What has it been like dealing with any of her baggage? Knowing what you know now, would you have married her?

I ask because I was thinking about the sex life I have with my wife. If we'd had a sex life like this before we married, we never would have married. I wouldn't have married her. Having a great sex life was very, very important to me.

Women file the significant majority of the divorces, so it's not necessarily a given that a divorced man would say "Of course I wouldn't have married her!" For those of you whose wife divorced you, also add to your answer if you would have married her based on what the marriage was like before the divorce.

Comment below. You can stay anonymous.

Don't Be This Guy

If they didn't have kids together, I'd call for someone to liberate this beaten dog of a man.

Emily Lefroy wrote this article that is somehow at nypost.com and not The Onion.

A mom-of-two has revealed how her husband’s addiction to porn almost ruined their marriage and tore their family apart — and is now desperately warning others to be careful of any secrets their partner may be hiding.

"Porn addiction" is a term used by grifters, charlatans, pushers of porn panic, and people whose partners are angry about them viewing porn. It is not a term used by serious mental health professionals.

Jourdan Kehr shared her story in an effort to warn others about the hidden secrets their spouses may be keeping from their wives, calling her own experience “truly unbearable.”

From the looks of it, she shared her story to try to humiliate at least one other person and to get herself attention.

Kehr had had a hunch something was off with her partner, but what she discovered on his phone, an old video of two people having sex open on his screen, she described, was “truly unbearable.”

“I couldn’t stop shaking and I felt like my soul had left my body,” the photographer, from West Virginia, US, told NeedToKnow.co.uk.

“I didn’t know how to go on and I didn’t know how it was possible for any human to survive being in this much pain,” she admitted. “It made me physically ill for months.”

There was a problem alright. She might be mentally ill or have a personality disorder.

She mistreated her husband.

While Kehr, who shared two children, aged five and one, with her husband of nine years, believes it’s normal to find other people attractive, she deems it “unfaithful” to lust and fantasize after them sexually.

Then just about every married person is unfaithful, by that definition. The only way a healthy man doesn't fantasize about other people is if he is actively, constantly trying to avoid it, and never screws up. Dr. Laura and Dennis Prager, both very strong about marriage, fidelity, and "traditional values" would both say this woman's behavior and standards are problematic.

Now, couples can set their own rules. If they mutually agree that using media can be "unfaithful," then that's up to them. Of course, I would tell a man to never ever agree to such relationships. If he does, however, he should specify what she isn't allowed to look at, too.

Five months after Kehr’s devastating discovery, the couple are now in a much better place, crediting copious sessions with therapists, support groups and sexaholics anonymous as helping them get through.

What a farce. That poor man. I hope he does a better job of hiding it until the kids are grown.

“The porn industry is corrupt and I hope that with time, more men will wake up to the very real dangers of porn on their mind, body and relationships,” she said.

Go ahead and name an industry that isn't "corrupt." The garment industry is "corrupt," but I bet she doesn't make all of her clothes from scratch.

“I don’t want to shame men or women for viewing pornography,” she continued.

"It's cheating and it's corrupt, but I don't want to shame people." Get out of here with that crap.

According to a study by The Recovery Village, 10% of U.S. adults admit to having an addiction to internet pornography. 20% of them are men and 17% women.

I couldn't believe that line was still in the article when I retrieved it. The implication is that 63% of porn "addicts" are not men nor women. They are genderless, or something.

It's too bad the article didn't include comments from some good therapists.

Unmarried ladies: If you can't handle the fact that a man is going to notice other women, depictions of other women, and fantasize about other women, don't marry a man.

Wives: If your reaction to normal male sexual nature in your husband who isn't having an affair is anything close to this woman's reaction, you need some serious help.

Men: Don't be this guy. If you haven't married, don't. If you're married with minor kids, and your wife hasn't indicated she's be rational about this, hide it from her and don't be careless about it, at least until the kids are grown.

Answering Marriage Seller Assertions, Talking Points, and Questions - Part 8

 

Read Part 1 here and Part 2 here and Part 3 here and Part 4 here and Part 5 here and Part 6 here and Part 7 here.


Men don't do well alone.

Some men don't do well alone. Some women don't, too. So what? Why should that compel men who don't want to sign a terrible state contract to do so? How about teaching more people how to thrive independently?

Some men are responsible, happy, thriving, and productive on their own.

Men certainly don't do well in bad marriages or when they are screwed over by the family courts.

Ask the marriage seller where they are getting this idea from. It may be from media, which tends to portray men as bumbling fools who need a woman to run their life. They might try to use statistics, which almost always is a matter that comes down to "which is the cart, and which is the horse" For example, certain crimes tend to be committed by young, unmarried men. But young men are likely to be unmarried, unless they are members of certain religious subgroups, and maybe the fact that they are violent criminals is why they aren't married; implying that signing a terrible state contract magically turns criminals into great citizens is bizarre. Why should any woman be asked to take that on?

When a woman says men don't do well alone, she might be revealing that she has a low opinion of men. When a man says it, he's usually telling on himself. He didn't do well alone, or at least that's how he remembers it. I did great on my own. I was in great financial shape, and doing well physically, professionally, socially, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I didn't go hungry, lived in cleanliness, had clean clothes to wear, and had good hygiene. I was dating, I learned not to waste my time or money when I did.

You can probably cite examples of men who have done well on their own. You might be one of them.

Finally, just because someone won't sign a terrible state contract doesn't mean they are alone.

So, some of the ways to answer this include:

A) I'm doing fantastic alone!

B) I'm not married, and yet I'm not alone.

C) It's not a binary choice. Being unmarried doesn't necessarily mean being alone.

D) It's never been easier to thrive being alone. Let's show more people how they can.

E) Would you please explain what you mean by that? (They will likely use statistics in a misleading way, or hallucinate about some poor slob who can't take care of himself. If the latter, ask them if they mean that wives should take care of husbands as if they are their mother.)


It isn't good for man to be alone.

This is either the same thing as the assertion above or citation of Genesis. This assertion as no effect on anyone who doesn't take the first few chapters of Genesis as authoritative for how we live today. It's like trying to order one's life around the understanding that tortoises beat hares in speed.

If someone does consider the early chapters of Genesis to have authority over life today, then they can note that this was a statement made when Adam was completely alone. In that sense, none of us are alone anymore as there are over eight billion people in the world now.

So the answer here is, "We're not alone."

If the person who is trying this on you respects what Christians all the New Testament, point to Paul and Jesus himself (although Mormons believe Jesus married).


Be fruitful and multiply.

As with the statement above, this is a statement in early Genesis. There is no indication that it is directed at all people in all places for all time. It was directed at two people.

Humanity has multiplied. It has been done.

So the answer here is "We have."

Also, we can multiply without a terrible state contract.

You can find Biblical passages about all sorts of activities the person using this verse hasn't done themselves.

In today's world, men can thrive without signing a terrible state contract with a woman. Living in your own residence by yourself does not mean being alone. We have friends, family, neighbors, and we can have companionship.

Part 9

Dr. Laura Is Debuting a New Podcast

After dropping one "live" program a week (usually Fridays), Dr. Laura is debuting a new podcast, "Deep Dive."

As I write this, I haven't heard it as it is scheduled to debut tomorrow. When she announced this, I expected it to be new content, as opposed to her main podcast, which is her "live" program of that day (usually... sometimes it is a past program) posted with the breaks removed, and her popular "Call of the Day" podcast, which features one call from her program. However, upon thinking about it more, I would not be surprised if at least some of the episodes will be monologues she did during her program.

But even if it is all new, the question becomes "Why drop down from five to four live programs per week, only to end up doing a new podcast?"

There are many possible reasons.

The live program relies heavily on phone callers, and that is becoming a problem for many programs as fewer people are willing to make actual phone calls. A podcast doesn't need any callers. The live program, if done live for all three hours, requires at least three hours of work, whereas a podcast can be much shorter, even something like 15 or 20 minutes, and even if Dr. Laura does research for an episode, the total time can be much less than three hours. But she doesn't necessarily need to read or watch anything new. She can speak well on a topic for 20 minutes easily. By her own statements, she doesn't argue or debate. So with a podcast, she can speak her mind about a topic and her call screeners won't have to deal with anyone wanting to argue (although some might people might try to call the live program to argue after hearing the Deep Dive podcast).

My guess is the podcast will be much like the monologues she does on her her live programs, and whenever she says "I want to talk about the last call some more" and goes on for ten minutes. For example, she's almost certainly going to talk about why she advises against daycare, casual sex, living together without a state marriage license, and marrying when you have minor children with someone else. There will be lectures on how to have a good life after a bad childhood. Things like that.

We'll see.

Listeners should definitely expect advertisements, since the podcast is being offered for free. There will probably be ads/mentions of sponsors at the start and end of the podcast as well as in the middle of it.

The podcast will certainly be used to try to get people to listen to her main program, which they can do by paying for SiriusXM or the podcast of that program (through her website). The frustrating thing about that for many people will be their desire to argue about something said on Deep Dive, but not being able to do so because it won't be allowed on the live program. The best they can do is either blog (like me) or post their responses on social media, email Dr. Laura, or call up the live program with a request for "clarification" and then sneak in their argument as part of their question. But with that last method, Dr. Laura will hang up on them and talk about five minutes asserting that "all the research" supports her position.