[Bump up: NOW is the time, guys! Halloween is Saturday!]
Free Men, it's NOT to early to think about the holidays, and by that, I mean Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hanukah, Christmas, New Years, and Valentine's Day.
There are two main considerations for you:
1) Dealing with family and "friends" who will be asking you (or pestering you) about your status as a free man. You now how it goes. "When are you going to get married?" Questions like that.
2) Avoiding spending those special days with a woman who wants to take away your status as Free Man, or will be expecting you to spend a lot of time, money, and effort on her.
This year has been different, due to the government-imposed lockdowns.
It's possible you either have maintained a roster and bullpen of women. It's also possible you have acquired more, even if just through online communications.
Whatever is the case, don't let the temporary conditions of 2020 cause you to do something foolish and start thinking there is "the one" to whom you should hand over your freedom. 2020 is a bump in the road. Don't be so ignorant, delusional, or masochistic that you're thinking you want to be exclusive with a woman.
You don't want to spend any of those days listed above with a woman who is thinking of you as the guy she wants to lock in.
There are women who want you to take them to Halloween parties and events, perhaps in a matching costume, so she can show off to other men. Don't play that game. You will have other plans for those evenings. You can still see her other nights around that time. But you'll need to become scarce before Thursday, November 26 (if in the USA), and you're going to stay scarce until Monday, February 15, 2021. Or, even later if her birthday or what she considers an anniversary with you is in late February.
Don't let any woman book trips or visits that include you, or glom on to your trips or plans during this time. NO NO NO!!!
Set up a tickler on your phone for mid-November as a reminder that you're going to need to avoid any woman you've been seeing regularly. This is especially needed if you've made the mistake of letting her think of you as a potential husband, or a boyfriend, or committed - or you've met her family or friends.
Be scarce. Be busy, Be "working". Be avoiding viruses. Don't answer her calls, texts, etc. or only respond "late" to every third or fourth one, saying you're busy. (She shouldn't know where you really live, or what you're actual phone's number is - use Google Voice or something similar.)
If she won't see you again come February 15, so be it. There are many other women, if you still want to see any.
During that time, as long as it isn't Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Eve/Day, or New Year's Eve, it's fine to see women who aren't of the "commitment" or "exclusive" thinking, at least when it comes to you. or new women, and you can see a new woman who is alone and desperate on February 14, as long as you're picking her up out and about, on the fly.
Or, use that time to hang out with friends, family, catch up on hobbies, do those chores you've been putting off, etc.
You DO NOT want to be with a woman who is thinking that because you've been seeing her for a while, and you're with her on those holidays and special days, that you're going to be exclusive with her, or living with her, or heading towards marriage. You DO NOT want to have to meet her friends and family. You DO NOT want to have to buy her gifts, or pay her way to some party or event or overpriced dinner or hotel room.
As far as dealing with the people in your life who harass you for being free, these might help:
How to Just Say No to Giving Up Your Freedom
Practical Advice For Men Avoiding Relationships
Read more:
We're Almost to February 14
Dealing With the Holidays
Stop! Don't Propose! Don't Marry!
Now is the Time, Guys
Hello Ken! I am sorry to bother you, but I have a question. I did propose to girl, and she did refuse. After a while though, we did remain good friends. We do go out from time to time, but she presents me like her best friend (and I don't mind really because now I have no weird feelings and actually see her as a friend).
ReplyDeleteDoes this article (advice) apply to me too? Any advice for me please? Thank you!
Thanks for reading and thanks for asking!
DeleteThis article is not about avoiding friends or family, unless those people are telling you that you should get married. It is about women you date.
If you truly enjoy having her as a friend AND having her as a friend isn't holding you back from anything (like dating), then keep hanging out if you want to.
But I'd advise strongly against paying her share of anything if you're just her "friend."