Thursday, December 14, 2017

Stop! Don't Propose! Don't Marry!

Guys, if you're thinking about proposing as a holiday surprise or just because you think it is a romantic time of year to propose, DON'T DO IT. If you are thinking about getting married, like many people do on New Year's Even, DON'T DO IT!!! Don't propose on Christmas Eve or Christmas. Don't propose or marry on December 31. Don't do either on Valentine's Day. DO NOT DO IT!!!

Odds are, proposing is/was a mistake. This is a statistical fact.


1) 33-40% of first marriages end in divorce. It is well over 50% for second marriages (70% if stepchildren are involved).

2) Enough of the other marriages are problematic enough of the time that literally, between divorce and "bad" marriages (including marriages that effectively end but don't legally divorce, or in which one spouse dies or is killed by the other before divorce could take place) most marriages are a mistake.

3) On top of that, add in the engagements that don't make it to marriage that end with drama and/or bitterness.

So, statistically, proposing is a mistake, a very big mistake.

Go Watch Your Musicals, Ladies

UPDATE: I'm bumping this up on June 15, 2012 because today Dr. Laura covered this topic again and asked for comments on Facebook (even though grown men are not supposed to use Facebook, right?) about how playing video games is turning men into pathetic worms. Or something like that. I haven't listened to her commentary on today's show yet. I'll likely have more to say about this soon, based on the comments left on Facebook. -K

UPDATE AGAIN 12/14/2017: Bumping this up again because she again told a caller to toss out her 16 year-old son's video game system (and remove the network entirely from his life). You know what guys that age are likely to do if you do that, given their newfound free time? Knock up girlfriends.

Dr. Laura is back from vacation and the first segment of today's show already got me going. If you click on my Dr. Laura tag you'll see that there's a lot I like about her and her show and I think she does a lot of good. But one of the areas in which I think she's off the mark is "video games". I've written about this before.

I think it was her second call of the day... a wife had called, dragging her husband along, telling Dr. Laura that they have disagreed since they got married (about a year and half ago, if I recall correctly) about the husband playing video games. Dr. Laura did NOT ask the wife if she knew about the guy's game playing when she married him.

Instead, she insisted that the guy needed to choose between the video games and his wife. She repeatedly said that he looks like a "boy", and "adolescent". She would not listen to anything he had to say, nor when his wife tried to interject something. She called it "childish", a "turn-off" and said it didn’t matter what his accomplishments were, that he needed to give up the games.

From there, she went to break and when she came back, she emphasized her point again. Finally, just before she took another call, she threw in a mention that women should not overlook it before marriage and then turn around and make an issue of it once married. (My guess is that she'd advise women not to marry these guys.) I wish she would have drilled the wife on that one. I think it is a rotten thing to do to marry someone and then make an issue out of your spouse's recreational activity.

As I wrote before, I don't play video games. I don't even play those games on social networking sites, or solitaire, or any of the other games found in desktop and handheld computers. But I still fail to see what the big deal is about this. Some people like watching movies. Some people like watching TV shows, including sports. Some people like playing video games. I fail to see why one is worse than the others. I get that Dr. Laura is not into them, but she's wrong on this one.

There are a lot of things, I’m sure, that the husband could cite about his wife's behavior that guys would find a turn-off, even though he married her knowing about them. Dr. Laura had kicked off the show talking about how she had taken time off to go sailing and how much fun it was. There are people who would find that to be silly or childish. But so what? They don't have to go sailing. And Dr. Laura doesn't need to play games, and neither does this guy's wife.

At least people are able to play video games together, and he's right there in the home so that his wife can approach him if she wants to. I hope that guy rewards his wife for dragging him into that trap by picking up a solitary hobby that takes him out of the house or into the garage and away from his wife… so that she begs him to go back to playing video games.

I personally know two grown men who are game designers, and they are mature and make a good living. It's honest work. And they target their games to adults - not with "adult" content, mind you, but they do not talk down to children. I hadn't even thought about them, though, when I started writing this. I was simply thinking about players.

Don't like your husband playing games? Go watch a musical, or scrapbook, or whatever.

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

People Dr. Laura Schlessinger Has Pissed Off

Dr. Laura has pissed off a lot of people. Here's a list that I do not claim to be exhaustive. [TWEAKED AND EXPANDED August 20, 2013. Updated with #88 and #89 on December 21, 2014, #90 on May 26. 2015. Updated with #91-94 on August 25, 2016, with a few other slightly expanded. Added 95 and 96 on December 12, 2017 ]

In no particular order:

Sunday, December 10, 2017

Why Men Send Unsolicited Crotch Shots

There are two basic reasons men send unsolicited crotch shots, or "d--- pics".

1) Exhibitionism has long been a thing. The stereotype used to be of the guy wearing the hat and coat flashing women in a park. Now it can be done with a smart phone.

2) Much more commonly, the "average Joe" (whether he is average down there or not) does it because he has accepted the ridiculous notion that men and women are not different.

It's quite simple, really:

Most heterosexual men would be somewhat aroused by receiving an image of a woman's genitals, even unsolicited, even if he doesn't know her, even more so if he had reason to believe it was an image of the woman who is in contact with him, and she intentionally sent it to him. (We're not talking about injured or diseased genitals, although a few guys probably have a fetish that covers that.)

As these guys would want a woman to send a picture of her genitals, they reason that since women and men are pretty much the same except for certain exterior body parts, she's likely to want to see his genitals as much has he wants to see hers.

A lot of women can't believe men think this is a good way to attract or arouse women. "Don't these men know the truth?" No, they don't, because they've been told over and over again that women are just like men, including when it comes to sex.

But the truth is out there. Extremely, and I mean extremely rare is the woman who likes getting unsolicited crotch shots from men. Heck, most women don't want crotch shots from men they're in love with, and the ones who do are more about liking that they have, according to the picture, aroused a man they care about.

Guys, she's either disgusted or she's laughing at it, and, often, sharing it with her friends so they can make fun of you.

Men and women ARE different, and it isn't just a matter of socialization. Do you think society has socialized men to want to see the genitals of other men? No, but gay males tend to have the same reaction to unsolicited crotch shots of men as heterosexual males have when it comes to those of women.

[Edited to clean up typing mistakes.]

Monday, December 04, 2017

Will There Be a Tom Leykis Cliffhanger?

As has happened in some years past, at least as recently as 2014, Tom Leykis, who evaluates his business goals on a calendar year basis, is warning his listeners that his live audio call-in show will end at the turn of the year unless the finances are favorable. Extremely transparent in comparison to so many other entertainers, he's insisting that unless he has 1,900 subscribers by the end of the year (and it is important to note the shows at the end of the year will be repeats due to the holidays), this version of his show, which started in early 2012, will end, with a final live show in early January to say goodbye. And as Leykis says, his word is his bond. As of this writing, he has nearly 1,800 subscribers. Unless the pace of subscriptions and renewals picks up, his live shows this year will end without it being clear if the goal will be met.

If you're not familiar with Leykis' business, you should be. And you should care what happens with it.

Sunday, December 03, 2017

It Is Important for Husbands to Speak Up Honestly

Married men are happier* than unmarried men.

That's what we hear all of the time.

Now, it may technically be true. If you group ALL married men and ALL unmarried men and compare them, the married men may report being happier than the unmarried men.

This doesn't mean that signing a legal contract with the state is what has made a man happy. There are many other possible explanations.

First, though, notice that when you group ALL unmarried men together, you are grouping in divorced men, widowed men, men who want to get married but haven't been able to find/win over the "right" woman (likely because they are financially struggling or ill or have some other condition that might make them unhappy), and generally unhappy men, who are less likely to attract and keep a wife. We need studies that compare intentionally unmarried men to married men. My guess is that intentionally unmarried men would report being as happy or even happier than married men. Also, notice that these are percentages about a population. You'll find individuals who are unmarried but happier than the average husband, and married  men who are very unhappy in comparison to the average bachelor. Is there any way to guarantee you'll be in the higher levels of happiness? Not that I know of, but when a man is unmarried he has far more control over his own situation.

Thursday, November 30, 2017

Translating Happy Hubby Talk

[Bumped up.] Recently I considered what I'm sure I've realized before... that many men who say how great and wonderful marriage is either had no game as bachelors or felt guilt about fornicating. A lot of them are, and always have been, nerds. They couldn't get laid when they were younger, but once some woman figured that she'd better cash in her aging chips and look for "security" and a "good provider" (someone who'd actually be able to pay her way through life) and that she could settle for a nerd because he would have a dependable high salary and probably wouldn't whore around.

Monday, November 27, 2017

What a Woman Can Do With Your DNA

There are some simple facts of biology. Men usually produce millions of viable sperm cells on an ongoing basis. He is able to do so starting in puberty and lasting most of the rest of his life. Sperm cells can leave his body while he's asleep. He doesn't have to have an orgasm to expel sperm cells.  New human life takes place inside women. Women get pregnant, men do not.

There are some basic realities of current law. Once a woman has possession of a man's sperm cells, he has lost any control, legally, he has over them.

When a sperm cell leaves a man's body, he loses all control of his own DNA.

Here are the things a woman can do with YOUR sperm cells, men:

Friday, November 24, 2017

Men! Don't Ruin A Woman's Life By Marrying Her!

Haven't you noticed how miserable husbands make wives?

Wives constantly complain about their husbands.

They complain about their husbands to the husbands. They complain about their husbands to their therapists and counselors. They complain about their husbands to their family. They complain about their husbands to their neighbors. They complain about their husbands to their friends. They complain about their husbands on social media. They complain about their husbands on daytime television gabfests. They complain about their husbands in so many television advertisements.

And there's so much to complain about.

According to reports, husbands create an extra seven hours per week of housework for their wives!

You can also find lists of common complaints wives have, like this one.
1. “He never helps around the house.”
So he causes her to have more housework and he doesn't help!
2. “He plays too many video games.” Or something like fantasy football.
Don't burden her with your frivolity, guys. Don't marry her so she doesn't have to see it.
3. “We have the same arguments every day.”
How dare you not just go along with whatever she wants today, guys? If you don't marry her, she won't have to argue with you.
4. “He drinks too much.”
She shouldn't have to see that, guys. Stay unmarried and go drinking with your buddies.
5. “His family drives me nuts.”
Don't give her in-laws to deal with by marrying her, guys.
6. “He brings too much junk food into the house.”
If you're not living with her, you won't be bringing junk food into her house.
7. “He doesn’t know anything about the kids.”
Don't bother her by being around but not knowing the details, guy!
8. “He always wants to have sex.”
Guys, how can you ruin her life by wanting to sex with her so much? Stay unmarried so you can divide your advances among multiple women. And you're not good enough in bed.
9. “The credit card statement is always a surprise.”
You're buying stuff without her approval?!? Don't marry her and she won't get the credit card statements.
10. “A little appreciation would be nice.”
Men, don't marry her and prevent all those other guys from expressing their appreciation for her. Half of your income is NOT demonstrating enough appreciation. You don't show you appreciation, you don't romance her. Let her be romanced and pursued by better men than you.

Husbands do everything wrong! Even your sense of humor becomes less effective once you are a husband. So don't be a husband.

Husbands often don't earn enough.
Husbands often spend too much time at work.
Husbands are too whiny and dramatic when they get sick.

So don't be a husband. Don't marry a woman and ruin her life.

Wives are far more likely to file for divorce than husbands, clearly because husbands are so likely to be burdens on her, and women have so many complaints about their ex husbands.

DON'T DO THAT TO A WOMAN. Be a nice guy by saving her from the hassles and drudgery and annoyances and burdens husbands bring by NOT marrying her, and NOT moving in together. Otherwise, her sighs might give her breathing problems, and eye rolls might give her vision problems.

Show that you respect her, especially as an equal, by honoring the fact that she doesn't need a man, that she can do everything you can do, that she can do it on her own, and that she's strong and independent, by NOT becoming a husband.


Now, she might still want a wedding. But what is it she really wants? She wants a series of parties that she plans and controls and that are about her. If you want to give that to woman, you can mark a birthday of hers with a series of such parties, and if you really want, you can gift her a diamond  ring and a nice vacation, too. You can do that and pay for all of that and you can do it without becoming a husband.

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

A Running List of Reasons Given By My Wife

This will be a running list, in no particular order, of reasons or excuses my wife (and maybe yours!) gives to NOT make love or have sex. As I've written in other entries, we're down to about once every three weeks, and usually it's a mercy session.

Some of these reasons might be legitimate some of the time; I'll grant that. But cumulatively, it is rather sad, given that this is supposed to be a mutually enjoyable "gift from the Lord" that is supposed to be a major benefit to marriage that, in turns, strengthens marriage and is good for our health and all of the other stuff.

Now, I know how the world works. The average man wants sex more than the average woman, and the same holds true for our little microcosm: I want sex more than my wife. Traditionally, on a societal level, this has either been handled through official polygny or through mistresses, concubines, or prostitution. Or, even if monogamous, there has been an agreement, whether tacit or explicit, that marriage is an exchange. The wife has agreed to sex as often as the husband wants it (in addition to cooking and making sure the household chores are done) because he's protecting her, providing for her, and keeping the children in line (even with just the threat of what'll happen when Dad comes home). This agreement seems to have been abandoned for the most part, which is one reason why most men shouldn't bother to marry. I'm fulfilling my end of the bargain, however.

I'm sure there are some snarky types out there who will read these and tell me that if I was a more considerate and all-around better lover, I wouldn't hear these excuses so often. See, that's what I'd believe, too, if I didn't have the experiences of my wayward youth. I know it isn't me. And I have solicited her thoughts and feelings during neutral times (away from lovemaking situations) about what I can do to make things easier and more enjoyable for her. The bottom line is that, whether because of her medications or some other reason, she doesn't like sex much. She pretended to be craving sexual affection before we married, and still somewhat until we had our children, because she wanted the guarantee of my financial support. Once she had it, she no longer had to pretend. She will not say it that way, but that's the harsh truth. (And it is the harsh truth for a lot of men. I suspect the real reason prostitutes are put down is because they deliver when they're paid and paid women who don't deliver hate that.)

Same goes for "You should be romancing her. I bet you're not taking her out on dates like you did before you married!" Hey, I've tried. She shoots down dates, she doesn't want flowers, and she doesn't want me drawing a nice bath for her.

Feel free to add your own reasons or excuses in the comments, even if you're a woman whose husband is rejecting her.

Since this is a running list it will be updated and bumped up from time to time, and I'll elaborate on some excuses.

Monday, November 20, 2017

Do You Have a Commitment?

Ladies, after listening closely to Dr. Laura for many, many years, I know how to tell if you have are in a committed relationship. Some of you think you're in a committed relationship, but you're really not. I've tried to keep this as simple as possible.

Do You Have a Commitment?

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Dealing With The Holidays

Well here we are yet again, facing another "holiday season" kicked off by Thanksgiving, meaning that unmarried men everywhere (in the USA, anyway) are going to be hounded by family about their marital status.

Since marriage has been the biggest mistake of my life, I don't want any other men pressured into it. You don't need a wife, guys. Most of you shouldn't be husbands or fathers. Most of you really don't want a wife; you might not even want a girlfriend.

In past years, I have posted a reminder about the holidays and almost all of it still holds up. The one change is that I no longer think couples who have children or are expecting should be encouraged to marry. Our culture, especially our oh-so-holy Supreme Court, has declared that marriage isn't about children. It's solely about the feelings of adults at any given moment. As such, nobody should feel any obligation whatsoever to marry no matter what the circumstances. (Sorry, folks, if two men can get "married" then marriage can't be about children. If you thought removing gender integration from marriage wouldn't have any negative consequences, well, you were wrong. You can't demand other people live as though it hasn't changed.)

Wednesday, November 08, 2017

The Costs of Raising a Child

Every once in a while, the news will report on the costs of raising a child,  according to the United States Department of Agriculture. My guess is that the USDA does these reports not because children are considered livestock, but to justify welfare programs that ensure food producers get taxpayer money and then the government has programs to feed children.

Some marriage-and-family advocates (the people who try to get everyone to marry and pop out babies) scoff at reports that it costs $250,000 (or even up to $400,000) to raise a child.

But those numbers do not surprise me. Children are very expensive.

Of course we're not supposed to talk that way. "Children are a blessing!" and "How can you put a price on a child?"

But that doesn't change the fact that it costs money to raise children.

Here are some official links that explain how the costs of raising a child are determined:

And  here's  Wikipedia, which makes it fairly easy to see the basic breakdown:

Let's be generous to people who try to minimize the costs of raising a child. We'll assume that you won't need fertility treatments, IVF, to adopt, or anything else of that sort, all of which can be very expensive, as it can be if your child has special needs, and they won't assault other kids, or destroy the property of others, all of which can cost hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Let's go over the costs that everyone is going to have when raising a child.

Monday, November 06, 2017

On Spreadsheets and Owing Sex

[Bumping this up.]

Much attention was recently paid to a posting by a frigid wife of a spreadsheet her husband made detailing their lack of a sex life and the lame excuses she provided in rejecting him.

In response, many people have circulated this flowchart:

Of course this is not something presented from a Biblical perspective. In the Biblical worldview, married people (uh, that's a man and a woman, for you youngsters who have been robbed of a good understanding of marriage) belong to each other. Sexually rejecting your spouse is denying something they are owed, and is religious grounds for divorce, and used to be legal grounds for divorce, back when you actually needed a reason. Marriages weren't considered valid unless they has been consummated with intercourse.

We can agree that a wife (or woman, since we as a society now want to shame slut-shamers) does not owe anyone sex. However, we should also agree that in the very same sense, no man owes a woman...

his seat
his coat
his arm
a dance
a prom
a phone call
help with heavy objects
automotive maintenance and repair
a movie
a ride
the storefront side of the sidewalk
a wedding
a baby
birthday cards
birthday presents
anniversary cards
anniversary presents
Valentine's Day cards
Valentine's Day presents
tax money

Let's make sure we establish that and it will be a wonderful world of men and women not being pleasant towards each other.

Most likely, the woman who posted that spreadsheet her husband had made rarely, if ever, rejected a nice session of fornication with him. Before they married, she represented herself as enjoying sex and wanting to have regular/frequent sex with him. If he was a bad lover or somehow deficient in their relationship in a way that turned her off, why wasn't he alerted? She was able to function just fine then. Now that he has signed a legal contract giving him certain financial obligations to her, she rejects him. Is this just a coincidence?

Many unmarried men, especially ones who are divorced, find that many women seem to be willing and eager to have sex - lots of it - with them, even if they don't spend much (if any) time, money, or effort into romancing them or "setting the mood" or jumping through hoops. This is true even if those women have children, jobs, and maintain their own homes. These women really seem to enjoy the sex, too. Why do so many wives, meaning women who are legally entitled to one man's earnings, have so much less interest in sex? Is this just a coincidence?

Even stupid men eventually follow the rewards.

A strong inculcating of conservative religious notions about sexuality will tell a man that fornication is wrong. However, at some point, more and more men will be willing to be celibate or an occasional fornicator than a rejected husband, because becoming a husband means taking on very serious risks and obligations and if the rewards aren't there, fewer men are going to do it, no matter how much their churches tell them women deserve husbands.

On the personal front, it has been a while since I wrote this series. Things have gotten worse. Mercy sex is now once per week if I am lucky. Two week+ intervals are being imposed more, and that's just part of the problem. Recently we spent a little time with a married couple I admire that we do not get to see that often. I have been friends with them for a long time now, long before I met my wife. The husband was one of my groomsmen. After the visit, they wrote to me with their concerns. Their concerns matched those of my father (who has been telling me to consider divorce) and line up with what our therapist has said to me. All of them urge me to find relaxing, fun time for myself, but I just don't see how I can without further shortchanging my children, who have already been screwed by having the parents they do.

I hope somebody out there is learning important lessons from all of this.

Thursday, November 02, 2017

Your Child, Your Choice, Your Responsibility

The mommy wars never end. Michael Medved, as I type, has Erica Komisar on his show, who has a book out about the importance of mothers being with their children from birth to age three. Of course there are women calling up complaining about the fact that children benefit from actually being with their mother. They'd rather not hear the truth, apparently. And others are complaining that their employer doesn't facilitate this.

There are thee issues here.

1) It is YOUR responsibility to plan things so that if you have children, they will have their mother* with them. Your choice, remember? With choice comes responsibility. Daycare is almost always voluntary and a bad choice. If you're not cut out to be a mother, don't become one. If you don't have a marriage that allows for you to mother your own children, don't have them.

2) It is not a legitimate role of government to compel employers to provide daycare or maternity leave or any other of these accommodations parents want.

3) Employers should be free to run their businesses as they want. If they want to give mothers paid time off to raise their children, fine, but expecting all employers to offer it is an attitude of entitlement.

A Free Man Calls Dr. Laura

As you know if you read this blog, I'm married, and I'm a father, having had children with my wife. I got married because I wanted to, and I have children because I wanted to.*

On yesterday's (Wednesday, November 1, 2017) Dr. Laura Program, which I love, I think it was the first call that she took that had me wanting to scream.

The caller was a man of about 30 years of age, who has a girlfriend who is 29. He's never wanted children. The girlfriend indicated she has wanted children, but was willing to not have children for the right relationship.