Thursday, June 21, 2018

How To Avoid Single Women With Kids

Someone came here by searching "how to avoid single women with kids."

The most popular entry here is a warning not to date single mothers. You can see for yourself there are hundreds of comments on it.

Of course, you can avoid single women with kids by avoiding women entirely. That fail-safe solution isn't for everyone, though, especially if your a self-destructive masochist who actually wants to get married.

So how does a guy avoid single women with kids (single mothers), especially since more and more women are mothers the older they get?

Hang out in the pet store by the cat supplies.

But seriously, simply pay attention. Most single mothers won't stop talking about their kids, or will badmouth "the father of my kid(s)". In online dating profiles, their kids will often be in their pictures, even though there really isn't a good reason to show complete strangers pictures of their kids unless they're trying to attract pedophiles.

Any woman who hides the fact she has kids is definitely bad news. If you're just looking for a sex, there's a chance a woman who hides or omits that she has children is also just looking for sex, and so you might think that's a good thing. But ask yourself... how did she become a single mother in the first place? By other men who were just getting together with her for sex? Stay away, unless you have had a vasectomy, and even then, you should probably heed the warning against dating single mothers.

How do you smoke out a single mother who is hiding the fact that she's a mother?

Perhaps by moving things to her place as soon as you can. You don't want her coming back to your place, anyway. If she's reluctant to let you see her place, she might also be thinking about her safety and convenience, or it might be a mess, or she might live with her husband(!), or she might have kids.

It would take a lot of work for her to remove signs of being a mother from around her place. She could try to pass off the other bedrooms as roommates' rooms.

It doesn't matter how things are going, or how attractive you find her. Once you realize she has kids, especially if she hid it, and especially if you haven't had a vasectomy, you need to drop her immediately. Leave. Ghost her.

If you have any tactics that work for you, please do share them.

Wednesday, June 20, 2018

Jerry Newcombe Finds False Hope in Prince Harry's Self-Sacrifice

Jerry Newcombe posted a marriage-selling column at Townhall.com under the headline "Marriage Is The Dream That Will Not Die".

June is the month of weddings.
Yes, where dreams go to die.
Now that the dust has completely settled from the mid-May wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, it’s interesting to note that the eyes of hundreds of millions around the world were looking at this whole event with great interest.
He was being extremely foolish. I'll be pleasantly be surprised if it works out for him.
How come---in light of the notion that marriage is just an antiquated institution these days?
Because people like parties and women are delusional with their princess fantasies and narcissists when it comes to relationships.
Marriage is ultimately a picture of Christ and His bride.
Sure, if you're talking about holy matrimony and not the abomination our culture now calls marriage. I mean really. Compare marriage from Israel 2,000 years ago to what was call marriage today in the West. There's very little resemblance.

Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Most Marriages Fail

Here are some facts about marriage:
  • A smaller percentage of the population in the USA is married than at any time in the country's history
  • Absent an extensive and upheld prenuptial agreement specifying otherwise, legal marriage is a wealth transfer mechanism through which the wealthier/higher-earning spouse will pay the other
  • Most women marry men who do, or will, earn more income than they will
  • Legal marriage usually assigns paternity (which means two decades more of financial obligation) to the husband, regardless of how the wife conceived the child, thereby using the force of law to perpetuate paternity fraud in the case of adultery
  • Wives are far more likely to file for divorce than husbands
  • Most marriages fail. 
That's right. MOST MARRIAGES FAIL.

If by success we mean "lasting and generally happy", which most people do, most marriages fail.

1) 33-40% of first marriages end in divorce. Subsequent marriages have a much higher divorce rate.

2) Of the marriages that don't legally divorce, easily at least 20% (and probably much higher) fall under one or more of the following categories:
  a) legal separation
  b) physical separation (some people stay legally married for decades after they've split, even if they haven't seen each other in years)
  c) sexual separation (ongoing infidelity, whether or not the spouses are still having sex with each other)
  d) emotionally dead (they are roommates, perhaps with shared financial accounts, largely indifferent to each other)
  e) hostile/abusive
  f) quiet desperation on the part of one or both spouses
  g) miserable (whether or not a-f is involved)

The reason the marriages in category 2 don't end in divorce are a varied: 1. One spouse murders the other, whether or not they then kill themselves (other than the person who claims to have found the body, the default suspect in the murder of a married person is their spouse... what does that tell you???) 2. Before divorce can take place, one or both spouses die (whether suicide, overdose, illness, accident, disaster, violent crime, etc.) 3. They were too chicken, masochistic or otherwise mentally ill, or too much creatures of habit to bother divorcing.

So, 33 (which is a lowball) and 20 (which is also lowball) add up to 53% of marriages being "failed" marriages. 

A failed marriage isn't just a problem emotionally/psychologically/socially/spiritually, for a breadwinnining man is can be financially devastating:
  • Wives make 80% of the purchasing decisions in a marriage, meaning the earnings of a breadwinning man usually go to buying goods & services he'll never use and maybe never wanted. If she incurs debts, those debts are also his.
  • In as divorce, he can be compelled to pay for her legal team as well as his own.
  • She can get 50% or more of the marital assets, meaning anything he earned during the marriage, no matter how bad of a spouse she was.
  • In some places, like where I live, ten years means she gets lifetime alimony. In the UK, a husband divorced for many years started earning much more income, only to have the courts compel him to pay even more alimony!
  • She is more likely to get (more) custody of children, thus getting child support through college.
  • Even if the husband didn't want another child and his wife conceived one with the neighbor, the husband can be compelled to pay child support for that child through college.
Since most marriages fail, and the state marriage contract punishes breadwinning men, what is wrong with warning men that most of them should avoid getting legally married? Shouldn't they be warned before they spend large sums of money, time, and emotional labor and capital on an engagement and wedding, and subsequent anniversary gifts, and arguing and counseling/therapy/retreats and all of the other things they don't want to do, and divorce lawyers? Given the statistics, isn't it a responsible thing to strongly caution men?

Some marriage sellers, even if they sometimes claim marriage will make men happier, dismiss happiness as a measurement of success. Catch them while they're in the right mood, and you'll find them saying that marriage is a duty or obligation and your happiness doesn't matter a hill of beans. They want people to marry because:
  • They think it will mean more children, and more children raised in good conditions, because studies have shown that children raised in legally intact marriages have done/behaved better than children raised in other conditions.
  • They don't want people fornicating.
  • They don't want men doing other things they like to do, like play video games or hang out in bars, so it is better to have them running errands at the behest of a woman.
  • Women and children are less likely to be on the dole if there is a father/husband in the home.
That's right, men. You are supposed to stop doing what you want to do, and pay for other people and do what they want you to do. "But women don't want to do family-generated chores and errands either!" All the more reason not to marry!!!

Marriage is extremely expensive for a breadwinning man, and most marriages fail. Bemoan these facts if you want, but they are facts, and we have to deal with reality.

Having a Family Doesn't Guarantee Happiness

Men Going Their Own Way

You Don't Need a Wife

To What Should Males Aspire?

Why You Don't Want to Get Married

Monday, June 18, 2018

Hey Anonymous Commenter: Stop Seeing Your Coworker

There are hundreds of comments on this blog's most popular entry, so it is easy to miss one. I'm addressing one in particular with this entry, but also below I will post an edited version of two recent comments on the same entry. I tend not to actually publish comments with "profanity", but if they're worthwhile, I'll address them like I'm doing here, edited.

Anonymous 6:36 AM:
Ok so, I'm not sure if anyone will read this or help me by responding but let me explain a bit on whats been going on. I'm 29 years old and have had my eye on this woman I work with for months,
WOAH!!! Hold up there.

If you care about your job, NEVER NEVER NEVER date a woman you work with, or who works for the same employer, or in the same location. NEVER!

Guys, do not ask them out.
Do not flirt with them.
Do not joke with them.
Do not socialize with them.
Do not compliment them.
Do not touch them (except for a handshake, when it is absolutely necessary). No hugs, no high-fives, no taps on the shoulder, no touching!!!
Do not look at them for more than a second at a time, and only in the eyes, or better yet, at their forehead.
Do not gossip or chit chat with them.
Do not talk about personal matters with them, or listen to them talk about personal matters.
Limit your interactions with women at work to what is STRICTLY NECESSARY per your job responsibilities.

When asked a personal question, redirect.

Example:

Tuesday, June 12, 2018

When Dr. Laura Tells Moms to Announce Their Switch to SAHM

Children being raised with attention, affection, a sense of security, and morality is one of Dr. Laura's top goals, which is why she condemns the use of day care and insists parents should raise their own children right up until Kindergarten, which is entered into at age 5 or 6 (boys should especially be started later, according to her). She's also big on homeschooling, but any form of daycare (including "preschool") from ages 0-4 is a no-no.

While she doesn't rule out "stay at home fathers", she says mothers are preferable from ages 0-3, and she notes that the "psychobiology" is that women prefer a man be a provider and they tend to lose respect for their husband if they earn more than him or he's home with the kids earning no income at all. Men also tend to like to provide.

So, she gets calls from employed women who are pregnant or have just given birth (again) or even have infants or toddlers who want to switch to being SAHMs, but have husbands who are opposed to that change or are at least reluctant to agree.

This is when Dr. Laura, who usually says big decisions, even getting a dog, have to have mutual agreement and if either spouse is a "no" then the change doesn't happen, leaves that principle aside. It is overruled by the importance of a mother's love. She tells the women to quit their jobs, come up with a one-income budget, to announce to their husband they will be staying home, and tell him that it will mean home-cooked meals, lots of great sex, and a more pleasant home.

That's all good, but only if the caller follows through. And only if the husband accepts the announcement. Will it be better if the family splits up than if they stay together with both parents working outside the home? Dr. Laura says men who aren't eager to be sole support for a wife and kids aren't real men, but would her opinion stop one man who is thinking along these lines from engaging in what he sees as self defense?

Saturday, June 09, 2018

Getting Married Was the Biggest Mistake of My Life

Marrying is the biggest mistake I've made. It's not even close. It isn't like it just beats out another mistake. No, getting married has turned out to be my biggest mistake by far.

It's not just that I shouldn't have married my wife.

I shouldn't have married.

There's no woman on Earth who should have been my wife.

If you think you're different than me, chances are you're not. Man, if you're considering marriage, even if you're set to get married later today, DON'T DO IT. Legally marrying burdens a breadwinning man with enormous risks and obligations with no guaranteed benefit. You don't need a wife.

And that's just the "successful" marriages.

Literally most marriages are failures. Most!

Friday, June 08, 2018

What a Woman Can Do With Your DNA

There are some simple facts of biology. Men usually produce millions of viable sperm cells on an ongoing basis. He is able to do so starting in puberty and lasting most of the rest of his life. Sperm cells can leave his body while he's asleep. He doesn't have to have an orgasm to expel sperm cells.  New human life takes place inside women. Women get pregnant, men do not.

There are some basic realities of current law. Once a woman has possession of a man's sperm cells, he has lost any control, legally, he has over them.

When a sperm cell leaves a man's body, he loses all control of his own DNA.

Here are the things a woman can do with YOUR sperm cells, men:

Wednesday, June 06, 2018

A Scandalous Skank

Today's Dear Abby featured what Tom Leykis calls a scandalous skank.

IS HE THE ONE FOR ME? wrote:

My husband and I are both active duty military. We have been married for three years and have an 18-month-old daughter together.
Who is raising that kid?
My husband is sweet, handsome and a great father.
So a great guy then, huh?
We got married very quickly, and I think that's where our problems began.

Yeah, you could have left out "very quickly" and it would have been the same.
He isn't good at communication or showing affection, which leaves me feeling lonely.
She just said he was sweet.
This, on top of being separated several times due to the military, makes for a very shaky marriage.
If only you could have known what jobs you'd have before you married!

OK, brace yourselves...
I have cheated on him with eight different people since our wedding. The affair I am most ashamed of was when I was pregnant with our daughter.

How does he even know that the kid is biologically his???

I'm currently in counseling, but I'm still unable to curb my cravings.

You had to have known you were like this. Why did you marry? Oh, that's right. MONEY AND BENEFITS!
He always forgives me and allows us to continue being married.
So, either this guy likes being walked all over, or he's banging every skirt around.
The problem is, I don't know if he's really the one for me.
Wasn't that supposed to be considered BEFORE AGREEING TO MARRY HIM???

Gee guys, why aren't you rushing to get married???

Tuesday, June 05, 2018

Don't Sign Up For This

Two letters to Dear Abby and an obituary notice are something to behold, guys.
A SECOND CHANCE wrote to Dear Abby:
Because I was sexually abused as a child, I have difficulty trusting men.
DONE. That's a big "DO NOT TOUCH" sign right there. That's how she started the letter.
My oldest sons have different fathers. While they were toddlers, I met the father of my youngest two sons.
She trusted three men enough to let them stick it in her and knock her up. Who knows how many other men have been there? Doesn't that take some level of trust?

Wednesday, May 30, 2018

Why Your Husband Isn't Pursuing You

...Or is outright rejecting you.

Dr. Laura recently [this entry has been bumped up from August 2017] had a call of the day that was about a married couple not having sex. The caller was the wife and she wanted to know what to do. Her show's Facebook page linked to it, and many very revealing comments were left there.
Jamie's husband works all day and when he comes home, he is too tired for sex. What can Jamie do to bring the spark back?
Let's look at some of the comments:

Saturday, May 26, 2018

Doctor Doctor Give Me the News

The first hour of Dr. Laura's show on Thursday, May 24, 2018 was a doozy. As I usually preface these notes about her show, I generally like Dr. Laura and think her show, books, etc. are great and I think she almost always gets it right. She typically does 15 hours of her show a week and she's bound to make mistakes here and here. OK???

There were three calls in that hour I wanted to mention here.

The first (not necessarily the first call, but the first I wanted to discuss) was from a married-with-kids guy who called up to say he was fat and wanted to lose weight. Dr. Laura blamed his wife for the kind of food that was in the house (such as potato chips) and told the caller that he needed to man up and perform the unexplained alpha male maneuver. He's supposed to "be alpha" and tell his wife to only bring healthy food into the house. She never told the guy how to do that. He's just supposed to magically do it somehow, even though his wife has her own mind, and since this was an American or Canadian guy, his wife has all of the real power (unless you want to get illegal). This is kind of like when Dr. Laura says her father saying illegal drugs were for losers/lowlifes, she was set on avoiding them. Yeah, great. But not all kids obey like that.

The second thing I wanted to discuss was Dr. Laura responding to a caller by bringing up a story from her private practice days. This is a repeated story (of course it is... when you've been doing a show a long as she has almost all will be repeated many times, and that's fine) about a set of Jewish parents upset that their son had converted to Christianity (Catholic, if I recall correctly from previous tellings). Dr. Laura says now (and told the family) that the son did it because they weren't being much of a family and the son found a family... The Father, Mother Mary, and Jesus the Son. She says it as though that had to be reason the son converted. He couldn't possibly have genuinely been convinced that this newfound faith was in something close to truth or somehow better or whatever word you want to use than whatever form of Judaism the family practiced. Now, maybe Dr. Laura is leaving something out of the story every time she tells it, or maybe that's what she really thinks. From many other things she's said, it seems to me that she doesn't think theology or religion in general matters all that much as long as you have something and it doesn't tell you to commit terrorism. She went through the trouble of becoming as practicing Orthodox Jew, and if I recall correctly from what I've read (which may not be accurate) she because disillusioned and stopped practicing after she felt betrayed by others... but I'm not sure what that has to do with whether or not Orthodox Judaism has it right. It makes sense if community was her priority above all else. Another example is that family cohesion is much more important to her than a spouse leaving what they perceive to be deception or false teachings or harmful practices, especially for what they sincerely think is the truth or better. To be fair, though, when parents call to complain that their (usually grown) child has left their religious organization or denomination, Dr. Laura usually tells them to accept it and not to interfere, because everyone has their own path.


Finally, she had a caller who had remarried even though they had minor kids (a big Dr. Laura no-no) and Dr. Laura went into comments about the generally kind of situation, saying that divorcing and remarrying means you can't expect kids to obey rules because you didn't.

Huh???

What rules tell people not to divorce and not to remarry when you have minor children? Dr. Laura's to be sure, but the kids usually don't know that. There are some religious groups that have restrictions but Dr. Laura other statements about religion (see above) imply those rules aren't tied to objective truth. What kid ever says, "Well, I don't have to follow the rules because you, mom, got divorced and remarried?" Now, what Dr. Laura has said at other times is relevant... that the kids are dragged through chaos and made to live with people who have not been their family all along and were not of their choosing, and that sometimes causes kids to act out. But that's not at all how she put it this time. She was very clear that the caller had broken some rule and so can't expect their kids to follow rules. But no parent is perfect. So by that reasoning, kids should never be expected to follow rules.

I hope the holiday weekend is a good break for her. There have been calls lately that had her missing some very important information clearly stated early on by the caller. I was thinking in those cases she must have gotten distracted by something. She's usually right on target and very, very good.

Thursday, May 17, 2018

I'm Not Better Off From Marrying



Over and over again, men are told that marriage is good for men (by people who should admit they have ulterior motives). I maintain that more often than not, it is NOT good for a breadwinning man who has his act together. Most marriages are failures. While individual wives, through their voluntary decisions, can make a man’s life better, that is a minority and is despite, not because of, the general culture as well as family laws and courts; she can do these things without a state marriage license. Plus, you can’t be sure she actually will be net positive in a man’s life until everything has been said and done, but that man can tell if he’s living a miserable life at any given moment.

Recently I considered my own situation. [This entry is bumped up from August 2017. Significant stuff has happened since then, and not for the better.]

Am I better off because I’m married?

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

Canadian Men Shouldn't Fall For It Either

Here we go again! Canada has gone misandrist-matriarchal and people there can't understand why more people aren't getting married.

This time, either  was duped or he's trying to dupe readers under the headline of "The Marriage Secret: It Makes Your Richer and Happier" (I know, try not to laugh.)
Earlier this week a survey of 1,520 Canadians by the Angus Reid Institute asked “When two people plan to spend the rest of their lives together, how important is it to you that they legally marry, meaning exchange vows in a public ceremony, whether civil or religious?”
Exchanging vows is not the same thing as signing a contract that's mostly about wealth transfer. I'm not sure how Canadian law works, so maybe you can't exchange vows without it bringing on the legal contract, but let's not pretend that people promising to care for each other henceforth is the same thing as the wealth transfer mechanism. People could care for each other without sharing finances. Really, they could.
Fifty-three per cent said it wasn’t important. According to the pollster, this means a majority of Canadians now think “marriage is simply not necessary.”
Nobody should be surprised by this. When people can get literally everything they want out of a relationship without a government contract, when a country has decided that marriage is about the feelings of adults above all else and thus two women can marry and that a groom is no different than a bride, when husbands have been denigrated constantly in media, isn't this result to be expected???
In 1981, over 60 per cent of Canadians above the age of 15 were married; today that’s fallen to 45 per cent as cohabitating couples and lone parent households rise in step.
And, people are getting married later and divorcing (earlier). And who thinks 15 year-old should be marrying in this day and age?!?
Beyond the ring and the ceremony, marriage offers substantial and persistent benefits in terms of health, wealth and well-being for both spouses and their children.
It does appear to have some benefits for children, but those are almost entirely about the behavior of the parents. Parents can behave that way without a state contract, however. And it certainly has benefits to a woman who earns less than her husband: guaranteed financial support, and tagging him with paternity even if she got knocked up by the pool boy. It doesn't actually have any proven benefits for breadwinning husbands that they can't get without being legally married.
Many of these advantages are not present to the same degree in cohabitation arrangements—despite the fact Canadians apparently don’t see any difference between the two types of relationships.
Sure, when you take all cohabitation arrangements and compare them to all marriages. But what happens when you compare compare cohabitation arrangements that were deliberately planned between two independent, established adults? And we really don't know if any specific cohabitating couple would be better off if they married instead. We can't compare them to themselves.


Thursday, May 10, 2018

Making Life More Difficult

Tom Leykis has recalled multiple times on his show how a woman who was living with him (I can'r remember if he was married to her or not... I think he was) and had "lost" her job and appeared to be content to do whatever she wanted all day (since there were no kids). He came home from work, asked he what was for dinner, and she said she had already eaten, and since he had two hands, he could make his own dinner. She then proceeded to watch him prepare his own meal and criticized how he was doing it.

I think about that story when my wife tells me things she doesn't want me to do, but she offers no alternative solution.

A recent example of this is that we have a child who has been going to school without having had any breakfast. On days I work and my kids have school, I don't see this child before I leave. I tried preparing various things for breakfast this child likes, but usually that stuff has been left untouched due to lack of time. If the child does consume some of the breakfast on the way to school, being driven by my wife, it often becomes trash I have to later clean out from the vehicle.

My wife and this child will not wake up any earlier to make and consume breakfast.

So, I've been leaving packaged nutrition drinks because the kids like them and they give my child nutrients and is handy and less of a mess.

My wife keeps angrily telling me not to get these drinks. She thinks they are unnecessary and a waste.

But she doesn't offer a workable alternative. She no doubt expects me, the person who works full time outside the home, unlike her, to somehow come up with another solution, which will probably involve more hassle for me.

Likewise, my wife almost never cooks for us. Rather, I'm expected to prepare food for her and the kids as well as myself. This doesn't stop her from telling me to NOT pick up food on the way home from errands. Nah, why would  I wanted to save myself time and trouble when I can spend more time in the kitchen?

Don't get married, guys.