Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Many People Do Both

There are many lame arguments out there, especially when expressed in tweets, against "porn". That's in quotes because some of these scold accounts say anything that arouses someone other than their live, in-the-flesh spouse, is porn. Meanwhile most people would think of porn as videos and pictures explicitly depicting people having sex, and that's about it (other than, maybe, delivering a pizza).

Before I go further, exposing bad arguments does NOT mean I think any given media content, or the production or "use" thereof, is a good thing. It means I find bad arguments to be annoying.

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

A Tale of an Alpha Male Father

One of Dr. Laura's favorite go-to stories about "alpha male" fathers dealing with boys who disrespect their mother is from a letter she got from a guy who recalls mouthing off to his mother until his father came into the room, grabbed him by the collar and/or pinned him up against the wall or some such maneuver, got into his face, and said "You will never talk to MY WOMAN that way!" And the letter writer claimed it worked.

Dr. Laura is very clear that the wording is "my woman" rather than "your mother", because the woman being disrespected is the father/husband's territory. That's her wording. This is one of the very few specific examples I've heard anyone, not just Dr. Laura, describe when they tell husbands and fathers to "man up" or "be a real man" or "be alpha" or "get control of your family". Apparently guys are usually supposed to magically know an effective tactic that follows from such admonitions. Like this:
Teen: Screw you!
Outside Observer: You can't let your son behave that way! Be alpha!
Father: [does the unexplained alpha tactics... because someone else told him to be alpha]
Teen: I love you, dad! I'll never be disrespectful again.
But here we have one of the very rare times a specific tactic is described. A few of observations about this anecdote:

Monday, July 17, 2017

It's Not Just Divorce

Comments continue to be left at YouTube on the two worst Prager University videos (most of their videos are great). We've already analyzed the two videos, "Be a Man, Get Married" here, here, and here, and "The Sexiest Man Alive" here. But you can go check out the comments for yourself.

The misleading "married men are better off" stuff is still being left in the comments, between the comments that expose the serious flaws in the videos.

It's not just divorce, or if she cheats. It's today's "marriage" itself as offered by our laws and culture, and most of today's women, that are problematic to the point that marriage is a bad deal for men. The sacrifices, compromises, obligations, and risks are too significant without any guaranteed benefit. This is especially so for a man who doesn't want children, but even a man who wants children has to consider whether it is worth it to have children under such conditions, with a woman who'll have parental rights as opposed to a surrogate.

And if we're honest, most men aren't in a position to be good husbands and fathers.

But yes, on top of that, the possibility of divorce can't be left out of consideration.

Dr. Laura likes asking a similar question about possible marriages with minor stepchildren involved, so I'm going to ask one. If you had the choice to board an airplane or not for a VOLUNTARY trip that isn't necessary and will have little or no benefit, and there was a 33% chance (that's a 1 in 3 chance) the airplane was going to crash and kill you in a painful way, would you get on that airplane? What if, by getting on that airplane, it was MORE LIKELY THAN NOT you'd either be painfully killed or seriously injured? Would you get on that airplane?

No rational person would say yes. But that's what men are doing when they marry into a first marriage with no child of his own to a childless woman. It's even worse if one or both of you has been married before and/or have at least one child.

Grampa might have been married for life, and claimed to be happy, but he married in a different era.

Ask yourself...

Why do I need someone else living in my house and messing it up?
Why do I need more and larger bills?
Why do I need someone around yapping, nagging me, complaining to me, and arguing with me?
Why do I need someone else's problems?
Why do I need someone else's annoying family and cackling friends in my life?
Why do I need to invite the government into my home and financial accounts?
Why do I need someone else around that I have to entertain and take care of?
Why do I need someone else passing judgment on my family and friends and causing problems between me and them?
Why do I need to make a woman my default medical decision maker when I'm not able to communicate AND simultaneously make her my default beneficiary?
Why do I need someone who is going to hinder my ability to earn?
Why do I need someone who isn't as successful at increasing wealth having an equal say in what happens with my income?

You don't. So don't do it.

Sunday, July 16, 2017

Men Should Protect Themselves

I first posted this here about nine years ago. It holds up.


In previous posts, I wrote about laws and policies that could level the playing field somewhat between the sexes. Although those things are possible, I do not hold out much hope for them happening. Men should do what they can to protect themselves – their wallets, their hearts, their bodies, their autonomy - based on the way things are NOW.

Here are my suggestions:

1. Come up with a plan for your life. What are your priorities? What are your goals? What is your dream? What do you want to accomplish as far as family, friends, career, and hobbies? What kind of lifestyle do you want to have?

This will determine what you do and how you do it. Plans can change, but it is important to have a plan. If you want to serve God and get married and have kids, you are going to do things differently than if it want to travel as much as possible for pleasure, or if you want to reach the top of the corporate ladder.

There is no right or wrong answer to these questions – only what you need and want out of life. Don’t let other people tell you what you need, what you want, what you like – even if that other person has a vagina and is really, really hot. Only YOU know those things. One way for you to know is to look at your life so far and figure out what you have liked and what you have not.

If you want a career, pursue that career. If your highest priority is a career, serious, exclusive relationships can slow you down. They can distract you, take your time and energy, keep you from going where you need to go, putting in the hours you need to put in, socializing for the sake of networking, etc.

Plus, the more successful you are, the more options you will have in dates/finding a partner. Marriage-minded “ladies” like the security that comes with a man who is successful. “Golddiggers” are turned on by a fat wallet. Either way, it basically boils down to $$$.

2. Do not fornicate. The most basic thing an unmarried man can do to protect himself is to refrain from fornicating. Fornicating can often lead to disease, out-of-wedlock pregnancy (very expensive if she doesn’t choose to kill the baby and decides to raise the baby), emotional entanglements, and other complications. It can harden your heart. (Most of all, it is against God's will.)

Now, I’m not naïve. I know most men aren’t going to heed that advice, especially when there are so many women who will throw their naked bodies at a man with little effort on his part and no strings attached, ready to try out the latest suggestion from Cosmo or something they saw on MTV. There are still things guys can do to protect themselves by minimizing risks and costs and retaining as much control over their own lives as possible (aside from abstaining).

3. Get a vasectomy. If you’re fairly certain you’ll never want kids, get a vasectomy. Pulling out is not effective. Condoms are not always effective, women have been known to poke holes in them or retrieve the contents, women have tried to get themselves pregnant via “outercourse”. So, if you’re really certain you don’t want kids, get that snip and make sure your sperm count is zero. Even then, it is still good to use a condom to reduce your chances of catching an STD, if you are unwilling to ensure you avoid STDs by abstaining.

4. Use a condom. If you do not want to get a vasectomy, use a condom each and every time – your own condom – one that is fresh. Make sure that it is disposed of properly. It can cause overflows in toilets. If you place it in the trash, it is a good idea to keep a small bottle of Tabasco or habenero sauce handy to spoil the contents. Women have been known to retrieve the contents, and if your partner tries, you’ll hear about it the moment she does if you have spoiled it with sauce. Please, ladies, no complaints about this tactic. A woman who tries to impregnate herself when the man has made it clear he doesn’t want to conceive deserves the result of this tactic. And yes, women have suffered as a result of trying to impregnate themselves with Tabasco-laden ejaculate. Even if you’ve had a vasectomy, a condom can help reduce the risk of getting an STD. You do not want to make babies out of wedlock. You don't even want to donate sperm under any circumstances. It is too risky.

5. Verify paternity. Check paternity with an over-the-counter DNA kit. The child’s mother never has to know, unless you find out that you are not the biological father.

6. Never tolerate abuse. If she hits you or throws something at you, leave and don’t come back. Or, if it is your place, have her arrested, then kick her out. Prosecute her, if at all possible. If you have children, get them away from that dangerous woman.

7. DO NOT SHACK UP. Shacking up is one of the most common mistakes men make these days. If you want to get married, the research shows that shacking up is actually counterproductive to having a lasting, happy marriage. I know this sounds strange, but it is true. If your priority is sex or career or something else, shacking up is also counterproductive to those things. Also, living with a woman makes it harder to break up with her even when you know you should. If you “must” shack up, make sure it is at YOUR place – your name, not hers, will be on the rental agreement, lease, mortgage, deed, or whatever, and your name will be on the utility bills. If you own the place, make her sign a quitclaim before she moves in.

8. Keep dating cheap. If she needs a man who spends a lot of money on dates, let her go find a sucker. You’re better off without her. It is better to save your money. If you want to get married, the kind of marriage-minded lady you should be dating should appreciate a frugal man who is smart with his money. saving it for marriage. If you’re just looking for sex, you can get it without spending much at all – if she’s going to fornicate with you, she’s already decided to before you’ve spent a dollar on the date. In those cases, it is best to try to meet after dinner - for drinks, or wine and a movie at her place. Also, we no longer live in the Dark Ages. Women make their own money now and they can pay if they want something expensive. Why is her time more valuable than yours? Are we equal or not? A woman who expects to be materially compensated for her time with you should either be your attorney, medical professional, counselor, or some other employee, or a prostitute.

9. Do not date single mothers. This will help keep dating cheap (you won’t have to pay for babysitters, and later, for her kids’ meals/entertainment). More importantly, if you’re looking for a wife, it is better to find a woman who does not have children living at home. Such women should be focusing on raising her children anyway, not finding another honey. If you’re just looking for sex, why date a woman who gets pregnant by the wrong men (some widows being the exception)? You want a woman who uses contraception effectively.

10. Avoid exclusive relationships if you do not want to marry or are not ready to marry. Women in exclusive relationships tend to want to shack up, get married, or have babies, and that’s not what you want. Don’t go steady with a woman unless you have good reason to believe it could lead to marriage. Date as many women as you want until you are going steady. When it is obvious that you could not marry a woman or that she is not marriage-minded, stop seeing her. It’s a waste of time and money.

11. Save, invest, insure, own. This should be a lot easier to do if you aren’t spending a lot of money on dates or a girlfriend. Stay out of debt, other than a reasonable mortgage (save up and pay for cars in cash). Spend less than you make. Build up a cash “forget you!” account that will allow you to be without a job for at least six months. You should be saving and investing for large purchases and retirement. It is better to buy a home than rent.

12. Consider remaining unmarried. Marriage isn’t for everyone. If you don’t want kids, and you don’t believe sex is for marriage, I don’t see much reason for getting married in this day and age. I personally believe marriage to the right woman is a huge blessing and that sex is for marriage (and I wanted kids), so it made sense for me. But it seems like there are fewer “right” women out there than ever, and most people have no idea why they want kids – they think they are just a part of life. Even if you agree that sex is for marriage, you need to weigh the guilt-free sex against all of the other things that come with marriage. Before deciding you want kids, you should also try babysitting kids of all ages for friends or relatives for a couple days at a time and imagine what it would be like to have those children 24/7/365, being completely responsible for them for 18+ years – paying for their food, clothes, medical care, and toys; keeping on top of their education; disciplining them.

13. Wait until you are ready spiritually, psychologically, professionally, emotionally, socially, and financially before going about choosing a wife. You should be at least 25 and have achieved your dream (if you have one besides being a husband and father). I know there are happy married couples who married young. And there are people who survive drunk driving, too. You should have any significant psychological problems or character flaws under reasonable control (just as she should). You want to be sober-minded when looking for a wife.

14. Choose a wife wisely. It is the second most important thing you will ever do (the first being deciding about God). Based on what you know about yourself and what you’ve learned from dating and family situations, come up with a profile of what you need in a wife, taking into consideration such things as height range, age range, and anything that is important to you. Do NOT get attached to a woman who doesn’t fit this profile, nor waste your time, money, or energy on her. It’s not fair to her or to you.

As I wrote earlier, do not shack up. Spend a lot of time with her, yes. See how she lives, yes. See how she treats people and gets along with her family, yes. But do not live with her before you are married.

There should be no red flags.

You should be able to look across the table at this woman and be ready to lay down your life for her. You should be able to say to yourself, without regret, “This is the best woman for me. I couldn’t ever do better than this.”

She should respect you.

15. Get a pre-nup. This must be done before you give her a ring or set a wedding date. She must have a lawyer, and you must have a lawyer. If she refuses, she’s saying she’s happy with letting strangers decide what will happen if the marriage has trouble – and you should not marry her, should not propose to her, because those conditions are stacked against you. Pre-nups can protect her as much as they protect you, and can prompt discussion of important matters many couples do not discuss (enough) before they marry, including finances, goals and expectations, living arrangements, who will work, etc. Financial accounts, credit scores, employment history, education record, medical history (including mental health history), driving record, criminal record, civil judgments – all of that should be out in the open between the two of you. She should be perfectly willing to show you her bills, bank statements, credit card records, etc. If not, something is wrong.

16. Treat your wife kindly. If you’ve made the decision to get married to her, she must be a special lady. Treat her like it. Seek to meet her needs. Protect her. Honor her, love her, cherish her (like the marital vows say). Forsake all others.

I hope I have been of some assistance with these suggestions. You, your brother, or your son could benefit from these considerations.

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Don't Date Single Mothers - Here is Why

[This is this blog's most popular post. I think it holds up well and is highly relevant in today's world.]

Not of all of these reasons apply to everyone. Some men are dating for sex, others are dating for marriage and sex, for example. Also, “single mother” can mean different things*.

Men, especially men with game, have a choice in women. Some women have children, some don’t. Unless you’re a pedophile, it is extremely unlikely that a woman with a child has anything to offer that’s of benefit to you that a woman without a child lacks. Conversely, here are the downsides of dating a single mother, in no particular order:

1) The kid(s) will always come first for her, and that’s the way it should be. A woman without a child has much more freedom to be available for you. An unmarried mother should put her child(ren) first. The child is already dealing with not having a mother and father married to each other and living together, and needs parental attention. That child does not need to compete with you, and you don’t need to compete with that child. Even if you were to marry her, the child(ren) will always come first, whereas being with a childless woman means YOU come first. Having children in the mix complicates EVERYTHING!

2) Most relationships end. So you’d bond with her children and then you (and the children) would have to endure the pain of losing or restricting that bond with each other. That’s bad enough for you, but you should not be a party to putting a child through that.

3) Being around the child(ren) exposes you to false charges of abuse. If the child likes you, if you’re nice to the child, that’s no insurance against false accusations. It probably makes you MORE of a target. These children are more likely to have mental and emotional problems. Social workers know that children in these situations are more likely to be abused by their mother’s lovers, so they’ll be more likely to believe you are a culprit. Even if you are ultimately cleared of false accusations, the mere accusation can ruin your life. This reason alone should eliminate single mothers from your consideration.

4) You WILL have to pay more than if you date a childless woman. First it will start off with having to pay for babysitters, and then she will want to have “dates” on which the child(ren) will come along. So not only will you not be getting sex, but you’re going to have to hang out at Chuck E. Cheese’s AND pay for the child’s meals and entertainment. Depending on what is happening with the child’s biological father, how much time the child spends around you, paying for the child, and buying gifts for the child (think birthdays, Christmas, etc.), you can end up getting tagged for child support. All it takes is some judge or government official picking YOU to pay for the child’s needs rather than taxpayers. Finally, if you marry her, you will DEFINITELY be paying more.

5) A woman who has given birth can’t ever have a body close to what she had before carrying a child. This is not saying that having a child isn’t worth it, but this is not about YOU having a child. That child is hers, not yours. Her body was changed by something that is of no benefit to you.

6) You don’t want to be a father. She has demonstrated already that she doesn’t know how to effectively use contraception OR otherwise doesn’t make good choices because she made children with the wrong guy (most likely)*, and has demonstrated that she WANTS to be a mother as she kept the child. Once a woman is a mother, she is less reluctant to avoid pregnancy. She may WANT her child(ren) to have a sibling, and you don’t want to end up being Daddy. It doesn’t matter what she says as far as “I don’t want another child” or “I can’t get pregnant” or “I’m using contraception” or “I wouldn’t ask anything of you.” Women lie or change their minds about this sort of thing all of time**, and even if she doesn’t, a court can make you be Daddy, financially anyway.

7) You don’t want to be divorced. Especially since women are more likely to file for divorce, marrying a divorced woman means you are more likely to end up divorced from her. Second marriages have a higher failure rate than first marriage. Marrying a woman with minor children gives you about a 70% chance of getting divorced. And that's legal divorce. Some people stay legally married, but miserable.

8) You don’t want to deal with the child’s father. Even if you’re just dating her and don’t want to get married, if the father(s) of the child(ren) is/are in the picture, that is likely going to be even more of a hassle for you. Even if a biodad isn't in the picture right now, he can always resurface and wreak havoc unless he's dead.

As you can see, whether you’re just looking for sex or you actually do want to get married (= legally obligating yourself to give at least half of everything you’ll ever earn to a woman, being held legally/financially responsible for any children she births during the marriage whether they are yours or not), you should avoid single mothers. This is written to protect men (and, somewhat, children). None of this is to say single mothers are bad people and certainly not to say all women do the things I listed. Some do, and men should protect themselves.


*Women are “single mothers” for different reasons. While the term should be reserved for never-married mothers, it can also refer to divorced mothers and widowed mothers. Unless she was widowed because her husband was killed through no fault of his own (as opposed to guys who committed suicide, or had unhealthy lives, or were involved in crime), she picked the wrong man and/or treated him like crap. A few single mothers used a sperm donor, and those women think men are not important.

**Never trust a woman’s claims she can’t/doesn’t want to get pregnant (unless, of course, you WANT to have children with her). Assume she is fertile and will want to have a baby.

[This entry gets a lot of traffic, relative to my other entries. It must resonate with someone.]

Here's how to exit a relationship with a single mother if you're already in one.

Thursday, July 06, 2017

Grandpa Lived in a Different Era

I’m so tired of people asking why husbands and fathers today aren't like their grandfathers or great-grandfathers in terms of leading their homes, tempering their wife when she's way out of line, and keeping their kids in line, etc. The embellished memories of how those men of yore kept everything hunky dory without losing their cool can be entertaining and even amusing to hear once or twice, but the constant extolling of this imagined past familial utopia is irritating.

There are very important things that aren't included in this praise of these "real" men.

Those men could literally beat their wives and children, rape their wives, and kick any of them out of home without giving them a dime in walking money. If some punk was horning in on one of the girls in the family, the dad could run him off the property with a gun. And none of it was against the law or, even if it was technically against the law, nobody would arrest these men, let alone prosecute them or convict them. Now, not all men actually ran their homes like that, but the general cultural understanding that they could was enough to keep their families in line. Wives and children did run away, facing destitution in doing so, especially when relatives were unwilling to take them in. Many of their relatives would side with the husband/father. Yes, a woman might find that her own father would side with his son-in-law. Just about everyone else did, too... employers/customers, clergy and congregations, mental health providers, doctors, banks, newspaper editors... just about anyone. Wives were told to go back and obey and please their husbands, with maybe doing something on the sly behind his back (like squirreling away some savings if the husband would spend too much or wouldn't let his wife have enough money).

A married woman couldn’t get a credit card or engage in many other financial actions without her husband’s agreement. This is the real reason some women had secret stashes of cash the home. They couldn’t put it in a bank without their husband knowing.

Unlike now, a marriage license was an actual license to live together, have sex, and have children. There could be serious legal consequences if you did any of those things without a marriage license. That license gave a man access to his wife’s body, whether she felt like it at the moment or not. If she cheated on him, not only could be beat her, kick her out, and divorce her, but she could be criminally charged and she certainly wouldn’t get half of everything plus lifetime alimony.

Is that how things should be run? I'm not saying these were good things. But they "worked" in that they 1) kept children from being a disobedient presence in the family home, and 2) kept wives from emasculating their husbands or acting significantly in contradiction to what he wanted. If you can find an acceptable way to achieve those goals now, please share it with us. We’d love to know the secret. And sorry, telling men to “be like your grandfather” ain’t going to do it. You might as well tell someone to fly on a magic unicorn. Grandpa lived in a different era.

The men of today have different dynamics to deal with in the home. They also have different dynamics to deal with outside the home. Every workplace, every institution has been feminized, and mostly of them have been integrated with women. Most media and most businesses and other organizations seek to cater to feminine sensitivities and priorities when there is a conflict with masculine. Grampa didn’t have to compete with both other men and women in selling his labor. He didn’t have to worry that having a normal conversation with another guy at work could get him fired for “harassment” because someone overhead something they didn’t like.

Sorry, everything else has been changed. You can't expect men to behave as though nothing has changed.

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

A Running List of Reasons Given By My Wife

This will be a running list, in no particular order, of reasons or excuses my wife (and maybe yours!) gives to NOT make love or have sex. As I've written in other entries, we're down to about once every three weeks, and usually it's a mercy session.

Some of these reasons might be legitimate some of the time; I'll grant that. But cumulatively, it is rather sad, given that this is supposed to be a mutually enjoyable "gift from the Lord" that is supposed to be a major benefit to marriage that, in turns, strengthens marriage and is good for our health and all of the other stuff.

Now, I know how the world works. The average man wants sex more than the average woman, and the same holds true for our little microcosm: I want sex more than my wife. Traditionally, this has either been handled through official polygny or through mistresses, concubines, or prostitution. Or, even if monogamous, there has been an agreement, whether tacit or explicit, that marriage is an exchange. The wife has agreed to sex as often as the husband wants it (in addition to cooking and making sure the household chores are done) because he's protecting her, providing for her, and keeping the children in line (even with just the threat of what'll happen when Dad comes home). This agreement seems to have been abandoned for the most part, which is one reason why most men shouldn't bother to marry. I'm fulfilling my end of the bargain, however.

I'm sure there are some snarky types out there who will read these and tell me that if I was a more considerate and all around better lover, I wouldn't hear these excuses so often. See, that's what I'd believe, too, if I didn't have the experiences of my wayward youth. I know it isn't me. And I have solicited her thoughts and feelings during neutral times (away from lovemaking situations) about what I can do to make things easier and more enjoyable for her. The bottom line is that, whether because of her medications or some other reason, she doesn't like sex much. She pretended to be craving sexual affection before we married, and still somewhat until we had our children, because she wanted the guarantee of my financial support. Once she had it, so no longer had to pretend. She will not say it that way, but that's the harsh truth.

Same goes for "You should be romancing her. I bet you're not taking her out on dates like you did before you married!" Hey, I've tried. She shoots down dates, she doesn't want flowers, and she doesn't want me drawing a nice bath for her.

Feel free to add your own reasons or excuses in the comments, even if you're a woman whose husband is rejecting her.

Since this is a running list it will be updated and bumped up from time to time, and I'll elaborate on some excuses.

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Most Men Shouldn’t Marry Nor Have Children

Most men shouldn’t marry nor have children, so most boys should not be raised with the assumption that they will or should marry, and they definitely shouldn’t be raised with the assumption that they will have a lasting, happy marriage.

I realize there are religions out there that pretty much mandate people marry and try to have children. I can’t argue with every different religious organization that claims to have authority over your life. What I do know is that the Bible, taken as a whole and rightly divided, does not mandate you marry and have children. Don’t tell me contraception, tubal ligations, hysterectomies, and vasectomies are wrong because they are are unnatural, as you accept artificial medical treatments, live in a home that has been constructed, and drink water and eat food that has been processed in some way.

Most men shouldn’t marry or have children because 1) they aren’t suited to it, 2) aren’t positioned to do it, 3) aren’t living in a culture that supports it, and 4) won’t find a suitable woman with whom they could.

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Motivations Against Adult Media

I don't like it when people aren't honest and upfront about their motivations. I'm much more likely to deal with a salesperson who is honest than one that is pretending to do something out of the pure goodness of their heart or claiming a dire disaster will happen to me if I don't buy from them.

You see this sort of thing all of the time. People say they want to "legalize hemp" for medical marijuana or because practical products made from hemp are so much better than using petroleum. But once recreational pot is legalized these people seem to disappear. Or the "Indian gaming" pushes that say it'll be nothing like Las Vegas, and then once the laws are passed they run ads calling themselves the "shortcut to Vegas!"

This happens constantly when people talk about adult media. So many of the complaints are really about media, masturbation, male sexual nature, the nature of sex, etc. but people choose to only apply their complaint to adult media.

Some people breathlessly pronounce that if you watch "porn" you will become addicted, become impotent, rot your brain, and become a serial mass rapist-murderer. That, THEY CLAIM, is why they constantly warn people and call for restrictions ranging from censor/spyware they're selling to incarcerating people for making or watching video of adults having sex or pretending to. They dupe politicians into passing declarations that such material is a "public health crisis" even though it isn't, and offer a “cure” in the form of a book or “rehab” they’re selling. Or stickers and  t-shirts.

Let's get honest about why people freak out about porn.

Saturday, June 17, 2017

Time for Father’s Day Again

[Bumped up from 2010] I have a better relationship with my father than my three siblings. Part of the reason is that unlike them, I wasn't around when the worst of the divorce and related drama was taking place. I was at college. Speaking of college, I'm the only one that got a college degree. One of my siblings is likely get one eventually – in mid life. I don't expect the other two to even go back to college at all. My father and I have done work for the same organization in the past, and I know I remind him somewhat of himself. But three important reasons why my relationship is better with my father is that I take some initiative, I don't treat him like an ATM, and I don’t badmouth his wife.

There will probably be a dinner – homemade or otherwise – in honor of my father-in-law, even if it doesn’t happen on Father's Day.

I'm a father myself now, as you know if you've read other entries in this blog. I’m also the sole income earner in our home. As such, I’d rather not get purchased gifts for Father's Day. I mean, it was my money to begin with after all, and if I need it, I'll buy it. No, homemade gifts are good, and so are services.

Truly, I can't think of getting anything better for Father's Day than a hug from my kids.

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Technology is a Tool, Not An Evil

There are people who are in enduring, happy marriages who "met online". Granted, there aren't a lot, but that's because most people in general aren't in enduring, happy marriages. Yet the moment a female caller to the Dr. Laura Show says they met a guy online, the rest of the call is determined. That's because the hostess' bias against all things online kicks in (she has her reasons). She says she obtained bias confirmation (she doesn't put it in those words, but that's what it is) when she says "guys and articles" tell her guys go online for an easy lay.

Yes, many men do. But not all.


And men also go to bars and clubs and street festivals and a bunch of other places for easy lays.

But yes, some guys use dating and hookup services to, surprise, hookup. Some of the most effective tactics include going after all women whose pics attracted them and are in the area, regardless of whatever else her profile says. These guys aren't looking for general compatibility, just easy, no-strings-attached sex. This is one reason why women can be inundated with contacts from men. It's a numbers game. Guys throw as much against the wall as they can to get a little to stick.

But not all of the men online are looking for hookups. Especially with the more exclusive matchmaking services, the ones that take more time and money, there are men looking for a wife (because they think they can beat the odds or they are unaware of the odds or are masochists or losers who are desperate for a woman to take over for mommy).

My advice to women is that if they're really looking for a husband, they stick to the serious, more exclusive services (in addition to the old-fashioned ways of looking) and never assume that what the guy says about himself is actually true. This is just a way to establish contact. Like a guy you meet on the street, everything he says about himself could be a lie. Meet in a neutral, public place, and don't get sexual right away.

Just remember, though, ladies, if you do find a man who wants to get married: You will be sharing your life, home, and finances with a guy who is foolish enough to enter into contracts that have no guaranteed upside to him and horrendous risks and limitations.

I'm sure Dr. Laura gets calls from women in good marriages who met online, but that never comes up in the conversation because the calls are usually about things that are troubling them.



Dr. Laura has mentioned more than once that she'd been in talks to endorse and/or help facilitate an online matchmaking service, but she had so many requirements and restrictions that it would limit profitability so it wasn't a go.

The caller on yesterday's show did admit she got sexual right away with the guy she met online, so Dr. Laura again said "men used to have to pay" for that. Sigh.

Thursday, June 08, 2017

Was Sacks Sacked?

As I previously blogged, attorney Adam Michael Sacks would do the Tuesday "bonus" hour of the Tom Leykis Show, and for me, it was must-listen. Recently, that arrangement ended, and as far as I know, all Leykis has publicly said about it is a terse written statement indicating the involvement had ended. No reason was given.

Since Leykis' Internet-based audio talk show began (after the terrestrial broadcast corporate radio version had been off of the air for a few years and Leykis rode out the rest of his contract), Sacks would not only do that hour on Tuesdays, alternating between  "criminal law" (mainly DUI and marijuana violations) and "family law" (mainly divorce, alimony, child support, and child custody), but he would be at listener parties  and events and his ads would run throughout the show. And by his ads, I mean ads for his law practice that featured copy read by Leykis, and ads for becoming an advertiser with The New Normal (Leykis' businesses) as spoken by Sacks. Sacks and Leykis even talked on the show about work Sacks had done for Leykis, such as with traffic tickets and with getting a restraining order against a radio show host Leykis and/or Sacks have described as an obsessed fan. Finally, Sacks would often appear during other times on the show by calling in to answer questions and give advice to another caller.

Of course, listeners have speculated as to why Sacks and Leykis have parted ways. Leykis has had his staff go back and eliminate the Sacks bonus hours from the archive files available as podcasts to paid subscribers. To paraphrase Leykis, he did that because those hours were essentially infomercials. However, there was some entertaining and informative content to many of those hours.


What could the reason be for ending the professional relationship? I have no more insight than any other frequent listener who occasionally visits the show's Facebook page. I figure there are several basic plausible reasons, and it may be a combination of two or more of them. So in no particular order, let's consider them. Again, these are POSSIBLE reasons, I'm not stating that they ARE the reason(s).

Wednesday, June 07, 2017

The Reason Your Child Is Misbehaving

As I've said on this blog over and over again, I love Dr. Laura and her media and mostly agree with her.

One of the areas where I have some questions about how she handles callers is when someone calls with concerns about the behavior of their minor child, and Dr. Laura starts off with questions to determine (as she often does with other concerns) whether or not the child is being raised in a married, intact home with their mother and father. If the caller was never married to the child's other parent, or is divorced, and especially if they are the stepparent or have a new spouse/partner, or the kid is in daycare, THAT is where the call stops, in the sense that Dr. Laura asserts THAT is the reason the child is acting out.

Really? She's not even going to bother to let the caller add that the kid was once run over by a bus, or was once kidnapped and beaten, or was hurt from medical malpractice?

It especially puts me on edge when the problem behavior described in the child is something like what my children are doing. My kids are being raised in a married, intact home by their biological parents. So clearly other things aside from divorce/never married/stepparent/daycare can prompt these behaviors, right?

Isn't it possible... possible... that whatever is causing the behavior in my children is also causing the behavior in the caller's child?

Now, I have to wonder if, in these cases, Dr. Laura feels the truth is less important than what she sees as the more important thing, which is eliminating or limiting the involvement of the new partner or spouse, or getting the kid out of daycare, or whatever, and communicating to the audience that kids need to be raised within their parents' marriage, by a parent. If that is her agenda, and the caller does what Dr. Laura recommends and the child still has the problem behavior, that will at least make the child better off. It just doesn't make anything easier for the parent or eliminate the problem behavior.

The Modern Workplace and How It Relates to Marriage

Men are expected to "provide". It isn't just traditionalists like Dr. Laura who say this. Most women seek out and marry men they think do, or will, earn more than they do, even if they claim to be liberated, feminist, independent. Notice Oprah's lack of legal marriage. It would he difficult for her to attract a man who earns more than her.


In order to pay for a family, men generally need stable, well-paying jobs that provide a reasonable level of security. However, our economy has changed.

Monday, June 05, 2017

Don't Make Promises You're Not Going to Keep

I'm convinced the most ideal family situation is a breadwinning father married to a homemmaker mother, who is a stay-with-kids mom, at least until the kids are all in school (Kindergarten or later), at which point she can work part-time. Having the father stay home instead is the next best thing.

This is what one of my favorite audio talk show hosts, Dr. Laura also preaches and teaches, much to the irritation of plenty of people, who talk as though daycare isn't almost always voluntary.

Dr. Laura claims that "in the day" men would rather die than see their wives working full time outside of the home and she talks as though men are ignoring their blaring natural inner voice when they pressure their wives to work. But how many of these men were "raised" by working mothers? How many of those mothers were divorced or never-married? A LOT! Furthermore, a lot of these men know that if their wife doesn't work, the courts are going so screw them (the husbands) over even more when there's a divorce, because the courts will say that the woman has greatly reduced earning potential and has been accustomed to being taken care of financially.

"But you shouldn't expect a divorce," say so many people.