Dr. Laura handled a call so well during the second hour of her show on Thursday, May 16 that she should put the call on her website for other women to listen to as needed.
There was a woman who called who described her husband as a generally good man. She was very, upset, however, that he was viewing porn. As Dr. Laura's questions revealed, it was garden variety heterosexual adult porn, and the hubby had been stressed lately. Dr. Laura explained that he was relieving his stress while trying not to bother his wife, who is tired out from a newborn. He was not neglecting her.
There are many socially conservative talk show hosts and commentators who would have played to the woman's insecurities (and many of the women in the audience) by strongly condemning the husband as though what he was doing the the worst thing ever and prescribing "rehab" for his "porn addiction".
Instead, Dr. Laura confronted the issue head-on. She told the caller that yes, those women have better bodies than her. She darn near rubbed it in. She also went on to explain male sexuality and emotion (something very few women understand) to the point where I think the caller was no longer on a ledge, and gave the caller advice on how to handle the situation.
I'm sure a lot of women listening were upset that it didn't become a male-bashing session. However, it would have been a very different call if he had called. Dr. Laura would have steered him towards better ways to relieve his stress. Dr. Laura has to deal with the callers. She can't given advice to someone who is not calling. It was the wife calling, so Dr. Laura told her what to do, not what the hubby should or shouldn't do.
Dr. Laura is not a Christian, but she deals with a lot of Christian callers and is listened to many Christians. It is very popular in evangelical churches/media these days to constantly rail on about porn being one of the worst things possible. Meanwhile, I hear very little about what's wrong with gossip, romantic comedies, soap operas, greed/overspending/impulse buying and gluttony/sloth/obesity. Could that have anything to do with the churches appealing to women and not men? Naaaaaah.
Most men like to see well-placed molecules, images of well-placed molecules, images of people having sex. That's male biology, as fallen as it is. However, for most men, there no sight they'd rather see more than their own wife naked. No model, no porn star, no other woman can compete for a man's attention when his wife
is naked in front of him.
Obviously, there are other ways for men to relieve stress and I'm not giving a blanket defense of porn. Perspective is often lost when we deal with this topic, though. Dr. Laura and Dennis Prager are very helpful in providing that perspective.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Sunday, May 12, 2013
The Silent Treatment
How sad is it that my life is made better and easier when my wife gives me the silent treatment?
This is how the silent treatment works around here:
She sends me texts that are absolutely necessary, but other than that she avoids me and stays silent.
If I post something sincerely nice on her Facebook, she deletes it. Then she posts a sarcastic comment on my Facebook, which will appear to anyone who isn't clued in to be a sincere thanks. She hasn't unfriended me this time... yet. What is this, junior high school?
Anyway, the silent treatment is great. No orders. No requests. No instructions. No complaints. I have much more freedom to do what I want, how I want, when I want. I like it quiet. Who suffers more form this? Oh, sure, the kids suffer. It's her choice, though. Between the two of us, I mean, who suffers more?
Yeah, I don't get sex during the silent treatment. So I miss a weekly session. Big deal. With all of the restrictions she has on it, it's not a big punishment to deny me.
It's even better when she takes the kids to her parents' place without me. I do like her family, but I very much enjoy being alone. So, no wife, no kids.
If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go eat - something of my choosing. I'll probably get to sleep early, too. Nice!
This is how the silent treatment works around here:
She sends me texts that are absolutely necessary, but other than that she avoids me and stays silent.
If I post something sincerely nice on her Facebook, she deletes it. Then she posts a sarcastic comment on my Facebook, which will appear to anyone who isn't clued in to be a sincere thanks. She hasn't unfriended me this time... yet. What is this, junior high school?
Anyway, the silent treatment is great. No orders. No requests. No instructions. No complaints. I have much more freedom to do what I want, how I want, when I want. I like it quiet. Who suffers more form this? Oh, sure, the kids suffer. It's her choice, though. Between the two of us, I mean, who suffers more?
Yeah, I don't get sex during the silent treatment. So I miss a weekly session. Big deal. With all of the restrictions she has on it, it's not a big punishment to deny me.
It's even better when she takes the kids to her parents' place without me. I do like her family, but I very much enjoy being alone. So, no wife, no kids.
If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go eat - something of my choosing. I'll probably get to sleep early, too. Nice!
How Do You Decide If You Want Kids?
"Stumped" wrote in to Dear Margo:
So he's a grandfather.
She didn't mention marriage. Should we assume she isn't marred to this guy? He should not be having any more children because he is too old, unless we're talking about a fit, healthy 40-year-old man with a 21-year-old daughter who has made babies.
But the question of whether or not to have children is one of the top three questions a person must face in life. I struggled with that question myself. If you're not reasonably certain you want to be a mother, then don't be one.
Can that change? Of course it can. The four basic scenarios are that you get to be past childbearing age and you find that what happened over the years was...
1) Wanting to be a mother and becoming a mother.
2) Wanting to be a mother and not becoming a mother
3) Not wanting to be a mother and not becoming a mother.
4) Not wanting to be a mother and becoming a mother.
#1 and 3 are best, of course. #2 is bad for you. #4 is bad for the child, and we definitely want to avoid that one.
You should spend a lot of time babysitting your boyfriend's grandchildren. Imagine you had to deal with that 24/7/365 for 18 years – dealing with illnesses, injuries, doctor visits, potty training, education, discipline, etc.
So how should a woman decide if she wants to have children? Here is a checklist:
1) Do you find yourself with way too much free time?
2) Do you find yourself with way too much free energy?
3) Do you want to reduce your chances of ever getting a good, full night's sleep?
4) Do you think you have too little to worry about in life?
5) Do you find yourself with way too much extra money?
6) Do you want to make your sex life much more difficult and restricted?
7) Do you want to get sick more often?
8) Do you want to make it more difficult to do just about everything you do in life, from taking a shower, to going to dinner, to travelling, to moving?
9) Do you want to be forced to deal with your current lover or any other man and his family for the rest of your life? (Or can you imagine finding someone else and putting up with that person and his family for the rest of your life?)
10) Do you find that your breasts are too perky?
11) Do you want to significantly change your body into a less youthful state?
12) Do you want to spend a few years changing diapers and potty training?
13) Do you want to watch another human being going through all of the pain, frustration, embarrassment, and heartache of growing up?
14) Do you want to forgo books, movies, television shows, and songs you like to have to read/watch/listen to ones that drive you crazy or bore you to tears – over and over and over and over and over and over again?
15) Is your home too quiet, clean, and organized?
16) Are you willing to a) put a career on hold for at least several years and restrict your husband's career, or b) let your husband put his career on hold, while restricting your own career?
17) Do you want to drive a "family car" and wear mom jeans?
18) Do you want to live a life in which taking the children anywhere will mean constantly watching them and tending to them so as to keep them from maiming themselves, maiming another child, breaking something expensive, or getting kidnapped, raped, tortured, and murdered (a crime for which you will automatically be a prime suspect)?
19) Do you want to frequently be told by others, family and strangers alike, you're not doing what's best for your child?
20) Do you either want to be a homeschooling teacher, pay for private school, or condemn your children to the absurdity and dysfunction of public education?
If you can answer yes to these questions, then maybe you should have kids.
Let's face it. Yes, babies are freakin' adorable, but most kids born throughout history were born because they were the natural result of sexual intercourse. Parents did find kids handy as labor to help on the farm or in the family business. But we don't use child labor anymore, except in that oh-so-progressive entertainment industry. Instead, we send kids to school for 13-19+ years, thus turning them into a personal financial liability rather than an asset. (Collectively, we need more children to keep the government ponzi schemes funded... so it is strange that many of the same people who love those ponzi schemes encourage trending towards fewer births.)
Seriously, it is more important to ask what you have to offer a child, because parenthood isn't about you, it is about the children. But parenthood can be enjoyable, despite all of the drags implied by my list. I do get enjoyment from being father. There's a lot about my childless life I miss... a lot... and sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't have condemned my child to having me as a father, but Nature's God does something to the brains of some men, like me, so that when we become fathers we develop this kind of amnesia and restructuring, so we don't mind so much that we're not doing hardly of the things we enjoyed so much before we became fathers. Really. It's bizarre. Don't think this happens to every guy with offspring, because it clearly doesn't.
I find my children entertaining. Watching them learn new things, the funny things they say... their giggles, gifts, and hugs... they're priceless. I never thought I was going to enjoy changing diapers, but I even had fun doing that, and being a father has certainly taught me a lot about thinking of myself as God's child. Being a father has definitely caused me to learn more about myself. If nothing else, I have continued the long chain of my family line another generation, and I'm influencing a least a tiny portion of the next generation through people who will hopefully outlive me.
So, I guess the bottom line is that if you care mostly about personal freedom, personal pleasure, career, and amassing material wealth, then it is a good idea not to have kids. But if you care more about loving others and continuing humanity, then give serious thought to becoming a parent.
Dear Margo (oh yeah... almost forgot) responded:
(This was bumped up from 2011.)
Almost everything about my relationship is perfect. There is one thing, however, that’s not. And I can’t decide whether or not it’s a big deal. My fella’s older and already has a child - who has kids of her own.
So he's a grandfather.
I've never had baby fever, but I think about it more lately than I ever have. How do I know if I’ll regret not having a child of my own?
She didn't mention marriage. Should we assume she isn't marred to this guy? He should not be having any more children because he is too old, unless we're talking about a fit, healthy 40-year-old man with a 21-year-old daughter who has made babies.
But the question of whether or not to have children is one of the top three questions a person must face in life. I struggled with that question myself. If you're not reasonably certain you want to be a mother, then don't be one.
Can that change? Of course it can. The four basic scenarios are that you get to be past childbearing age and you find that what happened over the years was...
1) Wanting to be a mother and becoming a mother.
2) Wanting to be a mother and not becoming a mother
3) Not wanting to be a mother and not becoming a mother.
4) Not wanting to be a mother and becoming a mother.
#1 and 3 are best, of course. #2 is bad for you. #4 is bad for the child, and we definitely want to avoid that one.
You should spend a lot of time babysitting your boyfriend's grandchildren. Imagine you had to deal with that 24/7/365 for 18 years – dealing with illnesses, injuries, doctor visits, potty training, education, discipline, etc.
So how should a woman decide if she wants to have children? Here is a checklist:
1) Do you find yourself with way too much free time?
2) Do you find yourself with way too much free energy?
3) Do you want to reduce your chances of ever getting a good, full night's sleep?
4) Do you think you have too little to worry about in life?
5) Do you find yourself with way too much extra money?
6) Do you want to make your sex life much more difficult and restricted?
7) Do you want to get sick more often?
8) Do you want to make it more difficult to do just about everything you do in life, from taking a shower, to going to dinner, to travelling, to moving?
9) Do you want to be forced to deal with your current lover or any other man and his family for the rest of your life? (Or can you imagine finding someone else and putting up with that person and his family for the rest of your life?)
10) Do you find that your breasts are too perky?
11) Do you want to significantly change your body into a less youthful state?
12) Do you want to spend a few years changing diapers and potty training?
13) Do you want to watch another human being going through all of the pain, frustration, embarrassment, and heartache of growing up?
14) Do you want to forgo books, movies, television shows, and songs you like to have to read/watch/listen to ones that drive you crazy or bore you to tears – over and over and over and over and over and over again?
15) Is your home too quiet, clean, and organized?
16) Are you willing to a) put a career on hold for at least several years and restrict your husband's career, or b) let your husband put his career on hold, while restricting your own career?
17) Do you want to drive a "family car" and wear mom jeans?
18) Do you want to live a life in which taking the children anywhere will mean constantly watching them and tending to them so as to keep them from maiming themselves, maiming another child, breaking something expensive, or getting kidnapped, raped, tortured, and murdered (a crime for which you will automatically be a prime suspect)?
19) Do you want to frequently be told by others, family and strangers alike, you're not doing what's best for your child?
20) Do you either want to be a homeschooling teacher, pay for private school, or condemn your children to the absurdity and dysfunction of public education?
If you can answer yes to these questions, then maybe you should have kids.
Let's face it. Yes, babies are freakin' adorable, but most kids born throughout history were born because they were the natural result of sexual intercourse. Parents did find kids handy as labor to help on the farm or in the family business. But we don't use child labor anymore, except in that oh-so-progressive entertainment industry. Instead, we send kids to school for 13-19+ years, thus turning them into a personal financial liability rather than an asset. (Collectively, we need more children to keep the government ponzi schemes funded... so it is strange that many of the same people who love those ponzi schemes encourage trending towards fewer births.)
Seriously, it is more important to ask what you have to offer a child, because parenthood isn't about you, it is about the children. But parenthood can be enjoyable, despite all of the drags implied by my list. I do get enjoyment from being father. There's a lot about my childless life I miss... a lot... and sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't have condemned my child to having me as a father, but Nature's God does something to the brains of some men, like me, so that when we become fathers we develop this kind of amnesia and restructuring, so we don't mind so much that we're not doing hardly of the things we enjoyed so much before we became fathers. Really. It's bizarre. Don't think this happens to every guy with offspring, because it clearly doesn't.
I find my children entertaining. Watching them learn new things, the funny things they say... their giggles, gifts, and hugs... they're priceless. I never thought I was going to enjoy changing diapers, but I even had fun doing that, and being a father has certainly taught me a lot about thinking of myself as God's child. Being a father has definitely caused me to learn more about myself. If nothing else, I have continued the long chain of my family line another generation, and I'm influencing a least a tiny portion of the next generation through people who will hopefully outlive me.
So, I guess the bottom line is that if you care mostly about personal freedom, personal pleasure, career, and amassing material wealth, then it is a good idea not to have kids. But if you care more about loving others and continuing humanity, then give serious thought to becoming a parent.
Dear Margo (oh yeah... almost forgot) responded:
You don't mention this man's preferences.That's a very good point. Even if he is fit and 40, he might not want to start another round of kids.
(This was bumped up from 2011.)
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
It's Up to Her
At the end of yesterday's show (Monday, April 29, 2013) Dr. Laura was yet again dealing with a guy she noted was acting like a boy rather than a man and not being alpha, because his wife was disagreeing with him about the daughter's boyfriend being in their home while they were not there. Essentially, the wife was giving her encouragement to their 17 year-old daughter to have sex with another 17 year-old.
The sad fact is, that legally speaking, a husband only has as much power as his wife allows. Even if he's willing to endure the loss of domestic peace, loss of companionship, loss of sex, divorce, misandrist family courts/laws, the loss of over half of every material thing for which he's worked, a requirement of (sometimes) lifetime alimony payments, and paying "child support" more than what is required to raise a child... the wife can still get her way by simply calling the authorities and claiming domestic violence, and he will be hauled away. The daughter can get her way by calling the authorities and claiming abuse. The daughter's boyfriend can ignore whatever threat the husband makes, because should the husband harm him, the daughter's boyfriend can have him arrested and can sue him.
This is the world we've created, and if his wife knows it, she has the power. Whatever power the husband has is at the permission of his wife.
Even if a man chose a wife wisely, his wife can suffer a brain injury, disease, or hormonal imbalance that turns her into someone who misuses the power our system gives her.
The sad fact is, that legally speaking, a husband only has as much power as his wife allows. Even if he's willing to endure the loss of domestic peace, loss of companionship, loss of sex, divorce, misandrist family courts/laws, the loss of over half of every material thing for which he's worked, a requirement of (sometimes) lifetime alimony payments, and paying "child support" more than what is required to raise a child... the wife can still get her way by simply calling the authorities and claiming domestic violence, and he will be hauled away. The daughter can get her way by calling the authorities and claiming abuse. The daughter's boyfriend can ignore whatever threat the husband makes, because should the husband harm him, the daughter's boyfriend can have him arrested and can sue him.
This is the world we've created, and if his wife knows it, she has the power. Whatever power the husband has is at the permission of his wife.
Even if a man chose a wife wisely, his wife can suffer a brain injury, disease, or hormonal imbalance that turns her into someone who misuses the power our system gives her.
Practical Advice for Men Avoiding Relationships
Hey, MGTOW and all free men! Are you dealing with family, "friends", coworkers, and fellow congregants who insist you should "settle down" or "grow up" or "man up" or "get serious"* and find a "nice woman" and marry her? Are they doing even worse by actually trying to fix you up with someone?
If telling them you never want to get married is either not something you want to do for whatever reason, or hasn't worked, try cutting them off at the knees by insisting any woman you could be with has to fit the following profile:
[NOTE: Are there great women who don't meet the criteria below who can be fun at dinner or parties, or good coworkers, or good friends, or good neighbors, or successful? Yes, but that doesn't mean they'd make a good wife or you'd want her as a girlfriend. That's what we're talking about here. This message is for men who want to avoid marriage and relationships in general.]
If telling them you never want to get married is either not something you want to do for whatever reason, or hasn't worked, try cutting them off at the knees by insisting any woman you could be with has to fit the following profile:
[NOTE: Are there great women who don't meet the criteria below who can be fun at dinner or parties, or good coworkers, or good friends, or good neighbors, or successful? Yes, but that doesn't mean they'd make a good wife or you'd want her as a girlfriend. That's what we're talking about here. This message is for men who want to avoid marriage and relationships in general.]
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Another Example: Don’t Date Women With Minor Children
Not long after I posted my last entry on Dr. Laura, I heard something on her show that made me cringe. On Wednesday, April 17, during the third hour, she got a call from someone going by "Devon", age 42. He got married in October, which I know a lot of men would say was enough of a mistake in the first place. He;s been with the woman for five years. He states that he loves her three children (12, 11, and 6) as his own. THREE CHILDREN for whom another man is supposed to be paying (that other man walked out on the family), but Devon has been covering the bills for them. He never should have dated this woman in the first place, but they had a child together born four years ago. WHAT A MESS!
He goes on to tell Dr. Laura he bought a house in Florida, a different state, a month before getting married. He'd had a house in Michigan, but he got another electrical engineering job in Florida, hence the new house.
Please note that Florida has no-fault divorce. Also, under Florida law, any property that was acquired before the spouses married or that was received as a gift or inheritance is not considered marital property. The house was acquired before the marriage. Dr. Laura has repeatedly noted that inheritances are separate. Does she stick the the law when it comes to what is brought into the marriage? Let's see...
Florida divorce laws require an "equitable distribution" of the marital property. That really means "whatever a judge decides". Let's see… a woman with four kids vs a man… hmmmm. I wonder who a judge is likely to favor?
Back to the call.
He goes on to tell Dr. Laura he bought a house in Florida, a different state, a month before getting married. He'd had a house in Michigan, but he got another electrical engineering job in Florida, hence the new house.
Please note that Florida has no-fault divorce. Also, under Florida law, any property that was acquired before the spouses married or that was received as a gift or inheritance is not considered marital property. The house was acquired before the marriage. Dr. Laura has repeatedly noted that inheritances are separate. Does she stick the the law when it comes to what is brought into the marriage? Let's see...
Florida divorce laws require an "equitable distribution" of the marital property. That really means "whatever a judge decides". Let's see… a woman with four kids vs a man… hmmmm. I wonder who a judge is likely to favor?
Back to the call.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Calling Dr. Laura
There's a book now by that name, but this has nothing to do with that book. I haven’t read the book and I wasn't planning to.
I love the Dr. Laura show because Dr. Laura cares about children, cares about the needs of both women and men, rejects radical Leftist feminism, generally promotes conservative morality, marriage and family, patriotism, fiscal responsibility, and individual liberty, and helps people, including helping people do better over and above making them immediately feel better. She also now gives commentaries at the start of the show, usually with useful, practical information. I listen to every minute of her show, thanks to podcasting. It's the only show I listen to with such dedication. So keep that in mind as I have a little fun with this "public service" announcement to potential callers of her talk show. (For advice about calling in to call-in shows in general, I recommend reading this.)
Dr. Laura has lost patience and I don't blame her. She's right to be fed up with the stupid choices people are making (especially when it is compounded by bad caller etiquette). There are times when some hapless person who has just discovered her show calls in and starts shamelessly painting a picture of their own immoral actions in an effort to get to a trivial question, or one about how they can continue to be immoral with the least amount of inconvenience to themselves. I feel like pausing the podcast and getting some popcorn, because I've listened long enough to know what will be coming. Once in a while, she deals with the caller by abruptly hanging up on them without answering their question (sometimes before they can get around to asking it), perhaps with a curt, seething, "And you have a good day sir/ma'am." You know that could be coming when someone says something like, "I need your help. My boyfriend, who lives with me, is on drugs and I need him to stop because it bothers the four children I have by three other men." Usually, though, she will use the caller as a example to the wider audience, admitting she is doing this because she is unable to "fix" the situation because some situations can't be, but listeners need to be warned before their situation gets as bad. That is why she can be so rough on those callers.
If you don’t want to end up as one of those Examples of What Not to Do, then don't call her for help unless:
I love the Dr. Laura show because Dr. Laura cares about children, cares about the needs of both women and men, rejects radical Leftist feminism, generally promotes conservative morality, marriage and family, patriotism, fiscal responsibility, and individual liberty, and helps people, including helping people do better over and above making them immediately feel better. She also now gives commentaries at the start of the show, usually with useful, practical information. I listen to every minute of her show, thanks to podcasting. It's the only show I listen to with such dedication. So keep that in mind as I have a little fun with this "public service" announcement to potential callers of her talk show. (For advice about calling in to call-in shows in general, I recommend reading this.)
Dr. Laura has lost patience and I don't blame her. She's right to be fed up with the stupid choices people are making (especially when it is compounded by bad caller etiquette). There are times when some hapless person who has just discovered her show calls in and starts shamelessly painting a picture of their own immoral actions in an effort to get to a trivial question, or one about how they can continue to be immoral with the least amount of inconvenience to themselves. I feel like pausing the podcast and getting some popcorn, because I've listened long enough to know what will be coming. Once in a while, she deals with the caller by abruptly hanging up on them without answering their question (sometimes before they can get around to asking it), perhaps with a curt, seething, "And you have a good day sir/ma'am." You know that could be coming when someone says something like, "I need your help. My boyfriend, who lives with me, is on drugs and I need him to stop because it bothers the four children I have by three other men." Usually, though, she will use the caller as a example to the wider audience, admitting she is doing this because she is unable to "fix" the situation because some situations can't be, but listeners need to be warned before their situation gets as bad. That is why she can be so rough on those callers.
If you don’t want to end up as one of those Examples of What Not to Do, then don't call her for help unless:
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Prom Season
Every year now, I note this ritual, which has become another day, along with "Sweet Sixteen" (or other birthdays for certain cultures, at 13, 15, etc.) and wedding days that are all about feeding the narcissism and sense of entitlement of attention-whores and attention-whores-in-training.
Refer back to my "Beware the Prom", and this look at a Dear Abby column, and this look at a different Dear Abby column and now this more recent entry on increasingly showy proposals for dates.
It a nutshell, here are my problems with the prom as it is these days:
1) Boys wasting money.
2) Another event where females are princess-ized, which is a problem as long as males are prevented, culturally/socially and often legally, from events that cater to them and are focused on them in a similar way. Go ahead and tell me... what event gives boys the equivalent of the prom, where the activities are all about things he wants to do, with the boys dressing the way they want to dress, the girls dressing the way the boys want them to dress, the girls paying for it and escorting the boys, and where the boys will go hang out with their friends during the event?
Refer back to my "Beware the Prom", and this look at a Dear Abby column, and this look at a different Dear Abby column and now this more recent entry on increasingly showy proposals for dates.
It a nutshell, here are my problems with the prom as it is these days:
1) Boys wasting money.
2) Another event where females are princess-ized, which is a problem as long as males are prevented, culturally/socially and often legally, from events that cater to them and are focused on them in a similar way. Go ahead and tell me... what event gives boys the equivalent of the prom, where the activities are all about things he wants to do, with the boys dressing the way they want to dress, the girls dressing the way the boys want them to dress, the girls paying for it and escorting the boys, and where the boys will go hang out with their friends during the event?
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Men Should Protect Themselves
I first posted this here almost five years ago. It holds up.
In previous posts, I wrote about laws and policies that could level the playing field somewhat between the sexes. Although those things are possible, I do not hold out much hope for them happening. Men should do what they can to protect themselves – their wallets, their hearts, their bodies, their autonomy - based on the way things are NOW.
Here are my suggestions:
1. Come up with a plan for your life. What are your priorities? What are your goals? What is your dream? What do you want to accomplish as far as family, friends, career, and hobbies? What kind of lifestyle do you want to have?
This will determine what you do and how you do it. Plans can change, but it is important to have a plan. If you want to serve God and get married and have kids, you are going to do things differently than if it want to travel as much as possible for pleasure, or if you want to reach the top of the corporate ladder.
There is no right or wrong answer to these questions – only what you need and want out of life. Don’t let other people tell you what you need, what you want, what you like – even if that other person has a vagina and is really, really hot. Only YOU know those things. One way for you to know is to look at your life so far and figure out what you have liked and what you have not.
If you want a career, pursue that career. If your highest priority is a career, serious, exclusive relationships can slow you down. They can distract you, take your time and energy, keep you from going where you need to go, putting in the hours you need to put in, socializing for the sake of networking, etc.
Plus, the more successful you are, the more options you will have in dates/finding a partner. Marriage-minded “ladies” like the security that comes with a man who is successful. “Golddiggers” are turned on by a fat wallet. Either way, it basically boils down to $$$.
2. Do not fornicate. The most basic thing an unmarried man can do to protect himself is to refrain from fornicating. Fornicating can often lead to disease, out-of-wedlock pregnancy (very expensive if she doesn’t choose to kill the baby and decides to raise the baby), emotional entanglements, and other complications. It can harden your heart. (Most of all, it is against God's will.)
Now, I’m not naïve. I know most men aren’t going to heed that advice, especially when there are so many women who will throw their naked bodies at a man with little effort on his part and no strings attached, ready to try out the latest suggestion from Cosmo or something they saw on MTV. There are still things guys can do to protect themselves by minimizing risks and costs and retaining as much control over their own lives as possible (aside from abstaining).
3. Get a vasectomy. If you’re fairly certain you’ll never want kids, get a vasectomy. Pulling out is not effective. Condoms are not always effective, women have been known to poke holes in them or retrieve the contents, women have tried to get themselves pregnant via “outercourse”. So, if you’re really certain you don’t want kids, get that snip and make sure your sperm count is zero. Even then, it is still good to use a condom to reduce your chances of catching an STD, if you are unwilling to ensure you avoid STDs by abstaining.
4. Use a condom. If you do not want to get a vasectomy, use a condom each and every time – your own condom – one that is fresh. Make sure that it is disposed of properly. It can cause overflows in toilets. If you place it in the trash, it is a good idea to keep a small bottle of Tabasco or habenero sauce handy to spoil the contents. Women have been known to retrieve the contents, and if your partner tries, you’ll hear about it the moment she does if you have spoiled it with sauce. Please, ladies, no complaints about this tactic. A woman who tries to impregnate herself when the man has made it clear he doesn’t want to conceive deserves the result of this tactic. And yes, women have suffered as a result of trying to impregnate themselves with Tabasco-laden ejaculate. Even if you’ve had a vasectomy, a condom can help reduce the risk of getting an STD. You do not want to make babies out of wedlock. You don't even want to donate sperm under any circumstances. It is too risky.
5. Verify paternity. Check paternity with an over-the-counter kit. The child’s mother never has to know, unless you find out that you are not the biological father.
6. Never tolerate abuse. If she hits you or throws something at you, leave and don’t come back. Or, if it is your place, have her arrested, then kick her out. Prosecute her, if at all possible. If you have children, get them away from that dangerous woman.
7. DO NOT SHACK UP. Shacking up is one of the most common mistakes men make these days. If you want to get married, the research shows that shacking up is actually counterproductive to having a lasting, happy marriage. I know this sounds strange, but it is true. If your priority is sex or career or something else, shacking up is also counterproductive to those things. Also, living with a woman makes it harder to break up with her even when you know you should. If you “must” shack up, make sure it is at YOUR place – your name, not hers, will be on the rental agreement, lease, mortgage, deed, or whatever, and your name will be on the utility bills. If you own the place, make her sign a quitclaim before she moves in.
8. Keep dating cheap. If she needs a man who spends a lot of money on dates, let her go find a sucker. You’re better off without her. It is better to save your money. If you want to get married, the kind of marriage-minded lady you should be dating should appreciate a frugal man who is smart with his money. saving it for marriage. If you’re just looking for sex, you can get it without spending much at all – if she’s going to fornicate with you, she’s already decided to before you’ve spent a dollar on the date. In those cases, it is best to try to meet after dinner - for drinks, or wine and a movie at her place. Also, we no longer live in the Dark Ages. Women make their own money now and they can pay if they want something expensive. Why is her time more valuable than yours? Are we equal or not? A woman who expects to be materially compensated for her time with you should either be your attorney, medical professional, counselor, or some other employee, or a prostitute.
9. Do not date single mothers. This will help keep dating cheap (you won’t have to pay for babysitters, and later, for her kids’ meals/entertainment). More importantly, if you’re looking for a wife, it is better to find a woman who does not have children living at home. Such women should be focusing on raising her children anyway, not finding another honey. If you’re just looking for sex, why date a woman who gets pregnant by the wrong men (some widows being the exception)? You want a woman who uses contraception effectively.
10. Avoid exclusive relationships if you do not want to marry or are not ready to marry. Women in exclusive relationships tend to want to shack up, get married, or have babies, and that’s not what you want. Don’t go steady with a woman unless you have good reason to believe it could lead to marriage. Date as many women as you want until you are going steady. When it is obvious that you could not marry a woman or that she is not marriage-minded, stop seeing her. It’s a waste of time and money.
11. Save, invest, insure, own. This should be a lot easier to do if you aren’t spending a lot of money on dates or a girlfriend. Stay out of debt, other than a reasonable mortgage (save up and pay for cars in cash). Spend less than you make. Build up a cash “forget you!” account that will allow you to be without a job for at least six months. You should be saving and investing for large purchases and retirement. It is better to buy a home than rent.
12. Consider remaining unmarried. Marriage isn’t for everyone. If you don’t want kids, and you don’t believe sex is for marriage, I don’t see much reason for getting married in this day and age. I personally believe marriage to the right woman is a huge blessing and that sex is for marriage (and I wanted kids), so it made sense for me. But it seems like there are fewer “right” women out there than ever, and most people have no idea why they want kids – they think they are just a part of life. Even if you agree that sex is for marriage, you need to weigh the guilt-free sex against all of the other things that come with marriage. Before deciding you want kids, you should also try babysitting kids of all ages for friends or relatives for a couple days at a time and imagine what it would be like to have those children 24/7/365, being completely responsible for them for 18+ years – paying for their food, clothes, medical care, and toys; keeping on top of their education; disciplining them.
13. Wait until you are ready spiritually, psychologically, professionally, emotionally, socially, and financially before going about choosing a wife. You should be at least 25 and have achieved your dream (if you have one besides being a husband and father). I know there are happy married couples who married young. And there are people who survive drunk driving, too. You should have any significant psychological problems or character flaws under reasonable control (just as she should). You want to be sober-minded when looking for a wife.
14. Choose a wife wisely. It is the second most important thing you will ever do (the first being deciding about God). Based on what you know about yourself and what you’ve learned from dating and family situations, come up with a profile of what you need in a wife, taking into consideration such things as height range, age range, and anything that is important to you. Do NOT get attached to a woman who doesn’t fit this profile, nor waste your time, money, or energy on her. It’s not fair to her or to you.
As I wrote earlier, do not shack up. Spend a lot of time with her, yes. See how she lives, yes. See how she treats people and gets along with her family, yes. But do not live with her before you are married.
There should be no red flags.
You should be able to look across the table at this woman and be ready to lay down your life for her. You should be able to say to yourself, without regret, “This is the best woman for me. I couldn’t ever do better than this.”
She should respect you.
15. Get a pre-nup. This must be done before you give her a ring or set a wedding date. She must have a lawyer, and you must have a lawyer. If she refuses, she’s saying she’s happy with letting strangers decide what will happen if the marriage has trouble – and you should not marry her, should not propose to her, because those conditions are stacked against you. Pre-nups can protect her as much as they protect you, and can prompt discussion of important matters many couples do not discuss (enough) before they marry, including finances, goals and expectations, living arrangements, who will work, etc. Financial accounts, credit scores, employment history, education record, medical history (including mental health history), driving record, criminal record, civil judgments – all of that should be out in the open between the two of you. She should be perfectly willing to show you her bills, bank statements, credit card records, etc. If not, something is wrong.
16. Treat your wife kindly. If you’ve made the decision to get married to her, she must be a special lady. Treat her like it. Seek to meet her needs. Protect her. Honor her, love her, cherish her (like the marital vows say). Forsake all others.
I hope I have been of some assistance with these suggestions. You, your brother, or your son could benefit from these considerations.
In previous posts, I wrote about laws and policies that could level the playing field somewhat between the sexes. Although those things are possible, I do not hold out much hope for them happening. Men should do what they can to protect themselves – their wallets, their hearts, their bodies, their autonomy - based on the way things are NOW.
Here are my suggestions:
1. Come up with a plan for your life. What are your priorities? What are your goals? What is your dream? What do you want to accomplish as far as family, friends, career, and hobbies? What kind of lifestyle do you want to have?
This will determine what you do and how you do it. Plans can change, but it is important to have a plan. If you want to serve God and get married and have kids, you are going to do things differently than if it want to travel as much as possible for pleasure, or if you want to reach the top of the corporate ladder.
There is no right or wrong answer to these questions – only what you need and want out of life. Don’t let other people tell you what you need, what you want, what you like – even if that other person has a vagina and is really, really hot. Only YOU know those things. One way for you to know is to look at your life so far and figure out what you have liked and what you have not.
If you want a career, pursue that career. If your highest priority is a career, serious, exclusive relationships can slow you down. They can distract you, take your time and energy, keep you from going where you need to go, putting in the hours you need to put in, socializing for the sake of networking, etc.
Plus, the more successful you are, the more options you will have in dates/finding a partner. Marriage-minded “ladies” like the security that comes with a man who is successful. “Golddiggers” are turned on by a fat wallet. Either way, it basically boils down to $$$.
2. Do not fornicate. The most basic thing an unmarried man can do to protect himself is to refrain from fornicating. Fornicating can often lead to disease, out-of-wedlock pregnancy (very expensive if she doesn’t choose to kill the baby and decides to raise the baby), emotional entanglements, and other complications. It can harden your heart. (Most of all, it is against God's will.)
Now, I’m not naïve. I know most men aren’t going to heed that advice, especially when there are so many women who will throw their naked bodies at a man with little effort on his part and no strings attached, ready to try out the latest suggestion from Cosmo or something they saw on MTV. There are still things guys can do to protect themselves by minimizing risks and costs and retaining as much control over their own lives as possible (aside from abstaining).
3. Get a vasectomy. If you’re fairly certain you’ll never want kids, get a vasectomy. Pulling out is not effective. Condoms are not always effective, women have been known to poke holes in them or retrieve the contents, women have tried to get themselves pregnant via “outercourse”. So, if you’re really certain you don’t want kids, get that snip and make sure your sperm count is zero. Even then, it is still good to use a condom to reduce your chances of catching an STD, if you are unwilling to ensure you avoid STDs by abstaining.
4. Use a condom. If you do not want to get a vasectomy, use a condom each and every time – your own condom – one that is fresh. Make sure that it is disposed of properly. It can cause overflows in toilets. If you place it in the trash, it is a good idea to keep a small bottle of Tabasco or habenero sauce handy to spoil the contents. Women have been known to retrieve the contents, and if your partner tries, you’ll hear about it the moment she does if you have spoiled it with sauce. Please, ladies, no complaints about this tactic. A woman who tries to impregnate herself when the man has made it clear he doesn’t want to conceive deserves the result of this tactic. And yes, women have suffered as a result of trying to impregnate themselves with Tabasco-laden ejaculate. Even if you’ve had a vasectomy, a condom can help reduce the risk of getting an STD. You do not want to make babies out of wedlock. You don't even want to donate sperm under any circumstances. It is too risky.
5. Verify paternity. Check paternity with an over-the-counter kit. The child’s mother never has to know, unless you find out that you are not the biological father.
6. Never tolerate abuse. If she hits you or throws something at you, leave and don’t come back. Or, if it is your place, have her arrested, then kick her out. Prosecute her, if at all possible. If you have children, get them away from that dangerous woman.
7. DO NOT SHACK UP. Shacking up is one of the most common mistakes men make these days. If you want to get married, the research shows that shacking up is actually counterproductive to having a lasting, happy marriage. I know this sounds strange, but it is true. If your priority is sex or career or something else, shacking up is also counterproductive to those things. Also, living with a woman makes it harder to break up with her even when you know you should. If you “must” shack up, make sure it is at YOUR place – your name, not hers, will be on the rental agreement, lease, mortgage, deed, or whatever, and your name will be on the utility bills. If you own the place, make her sign a quitclaim before she moves in.
8. Keep dating cheap. If she needs a man who spends a lot of money on dates, let her go find a sucker. You’re better off without her. It is better to save your money. If you want to get married, the kind of marriage-minded lady you should be dating should appreciate a frugal man who is smart with his money. saving it for marriage. If you’re just looking for sex, you can get it without spending much at all – if she’s going to fornicate with you, she’s already decided to before you’ve spent a dollar on the date. In those cases, it is best to try to meet after dinner - for drinks, or wine and a movie at her place. Also, we no longer live in the Dark Ages. Women make their own money now and they can pay if they want something expensive. Why is her time more valuable than yours? Are we equal or not? A woman who expects to be materially compensated for her time with you should either be your attorney, medical professional, counselor, or some other employee, or a prostitute.
9. Do not date single mothers. This will help keep dating cheap (you won’t have to pay for babysitters, and later, for her kids’ meals/entertainment). More importantly, if you’re looking for a wife, it is better to find a woman who does not have children living at home. Such women should be focusing on raising her children anyway, not finding another honey. If you’re just looking for sex, why date a woman who gets pregnant by the wrong men (some widows being the exception)? You want a woman who uses contraception effectively.
10. Avoid exclusive relationships if you do not want to marry or are not ready to marry. Women in exclusive relationships tend to want to shack up, get married, or have babies, and that’s not what you want. Don’t go steady with a woman unless you have good reason to believe it could lead to marriage. Date as many women as you want until you are going steady. When it is obvious that you could not marry a woman or that she is not marriage-minded, stop seeing her. It’s a waste of time and money.
11. Save, invest, insure, own. This should be a lot easier to do if you aren’t spending a lot of money on dates or a girlfriend. Stay out of debt, other than a reasonable mortgage (save up and pay for cars in cash). Spend less than you make. Build up a cash “forget you!” account that will allow you to be without a job for at least six months. You should be saving and investing for large purchases and retirement. It is better to buy a home than rent.
12. Consider remaining unmarried. Marriage isn’t for everyone. If you don’t want kids, and you don’t believe sex is for marriage, I don’t see much reason for getting married in this day and age. I personally believe marriage to the right woman is a huge blessing and that sex is for marriage (and I wanted kids), so it made sense for me. But it seems like there are fewer “right” women out there than ever, and most people have no idea why they want kids – they think they are just a part of life. Even if you agree that sex is for marriage, you need to weigh the guilt-free sex against all of the other things that come with marriage. Before deciding you want kids, you should also try babysitting kids of all ages for friends or relatives for a couple days at a time and imagine what it would be like to have those children 24/7/365, being completely responsible for them for 18+ years – paying for their food, clothes, medical care, and toys; keeping on top of their education; disciplining them.
13. Wait until you are ready spiritually, psychologically, professionally, emotionally, socially, and financially before going about choosing a wife. You should be at least 25 and have achieved your dream (if you have one besides being a husband and father). I know there are happy married couples who married young. And there are people who survive drunk driving, too. You should have any significant psychological problems or character flaws under reasonable control (just as she should). You want to be sober-minded when looking for a wife.
14. Choose a wife wisely. It is the second most important thing you will ever do (the first being deciding about God). Based on what you know about yourself and what you’ve learned from dating and family situations, come up with a profile of what you need in a wife, taking into consideration such things as height range, age range, and anything that is important to you. Do NOT get attached to a woman who doesn’t fit this profile, nor waste your time, money, or energy on her. It’s not fair to her or to you.
As I wrote earlier, do not shack up. Spend a lot of time with her, yes. See how she lives, yes. See how she treats people and gets along with her family, yes. But do not live with her before you are married.
There should be no red flags.
You should be able to look across the table at this woman and be ready to lay down your life for her. You should be able to say to yourself, without regret, “This is the best woman for me. I couldn’t ever do better than this.”
She should respect you.
15. Get a pre-nup. This must be done before you give her a ring or set a wedding date. She must have a lawyer, and you must have a lawyer. If she refuses, she’s saying she’s happy with letting strangers decide what will happen if the marriage has trouble – and you should not marry her, should not propose to her, because those conditions are stacked against you. Pre-nups can protect her as much as they protect you, and can prompt discussion of important matters many couples do not discuss (enough) before they marry, including finances, goals and expectations, living arrangements, who will work, etc. Financial accounts, credit scores, employment history, education record, medical history (including mental health history), driving record, criminal record, civil judgments – all of that should be out in the open between the two of you. She should be perfectly willing to show you her bills, bank statements, credit card records, etc. If not, something is wrong.
16. Treat your wife kindly. If you’ve made the decision to get married to her, she must be a special lady. Treat her like it. Seek to meet her needs. Protect her. Honor her, love her, cherish her (like the marital vows say). Forsake all others.
I hope I have been of some assistance with these suggestions. You, your brother, or your son could benefit from these considerations.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
On Perspective About Relationships, Gambles, and Boundaries
Dr. Laura's third hour from yesterday (March 12, 2013) was especially notable to me for a couple of reasons. She tore into a caller (and many women) for fornicating and shacking up. She said she doesn't understand what is wrong with them for, in my words, having sex for free.
Now, I do agree with her that the best thing to do, especially for a woman, if one wants sex and/or wants to be married to is save sex for marriage. That's the ideal, that's what is morally correct as far as I can discern. But Dr. Laura is speaking from the perspective of a 66 year-old woman, long married, successful, confident, assured of who she is, and dealing with calls from women who have gripes or problems.
Nobody is going to call her up and say, "Uh, yeah, I just wanted to tell you that I used to have a lot of sex outside of marriage, and now I'm married and life is great now. I never got pregnant before I was married, I never got an STD. I have no complaints or regrets. I just wanted to call and tell you that." Those people do exist, but they're not going to bother to call, they wouldn't get cleared to be put on the air if they did, andso they're never going to get to say that on her show.
Also, perspective is so much different for a 20-something or 30-something woman who is not even sure if she does want to get married, and/or whether or not she wants kids, or wants to climb the corporate ladder; a woman who is not married, but gets horny & lonely, who is far from certain what the future holds. Dr. Laura knows that, barring (God forbid) someone's death, she's going to wake up tomorrow next to her husband, and if she wants sex with him, she can have it. She has a son. She has a career. The women calling her aren't in that position. They may be with men who they want to be with for the rest of their lives, who are good citizens, doing well in their careers, who want the same things out of life she does... and expect sex to be a regular part of a dating/couple relationship and will not stick around if it isn't. (I haven't forgotten what is like to get advice from happily married men who were getting sex on a regular basis when I was inexperienced, lonely and worried I'd never have a good, lasting relationship... it's a little like being told "you're time will come... someday" from a guy who is stuffing himself with an all-he-can-eat meal of his favorite foods while you're standing here desperately hungry.)
I touched a bit on these topics in this previous posting.
Subsequent to a few calls like that, Dr. Laura got a call from a woman who was with a man for a year and a half. He has a lower sex drive than hers; very low, from the sound of it. Everything else about the relationship was great, according to the caller. Dr. Laura asked her if she wanted to spend the rest of her life without sexual intimacy and that the caller knew he was like that for a year and a half.
Wait... how was the caller supposed to find that out when they were first dating, since Dr. Laura (like many other marriage-and-family-minded commentators) says they're supposed to save sex for marriage, and definitely not hop into bed right away?
Anyway, after a year and a half it was clear.
The problem with Dr. Laura's question, though, is that it assumes the woman definitely will find satisfying sexual intimacy with another man, who will also have the other necessary qualities, if she leaves the relationship she's in now. There is no guarantee of that. Now, if Dr. Laura had gone on to say ..."because you'll drive him crazy if you stay with him, because you will continue to make an issue of his lack of drive"... then I might agree. But that wasn't addressed. It was all about the needs of the caller. The sad truth is, the caller may never find anyone better for her. On the optimistic side, she may indeed find a much better match.
If she doesn't, though, she'll never be put through on the air to say "I wish I would have stayed with that guy you told me to dump."
Remember, the only reason I can nitpick like this is because I think Dr. Laura is, for the most part, awesome and I listen to every minute of her show, read her books, and read the stuff on her website. May she continue for decades.
Now, I do agree with her that the best thing to do, especially for a woman, if one wants sex and/or wants to be married to is save sex for marriage. That's the ideal, that's what is morally correct as far as I can discern. But Dr. Laura is speaking from the perspective of a 66 year-old woman, long married, successful, confident, assured of who she is, and dealing with calls from women who have gripes or problems.
Nobody is going to call her up and say, "Uh, yeah, I just wanted to tell you that I used to have a lot of sex outside of marriage, and now I'm married and life is great now. I never got pregnant before I was married, I never got an STD. I have no complaints or regrets. I just wanted to call and tell you that." Those people do exist, but they're not going to bother to call, they wouldn't get cleared to be put on the air if they did, andso they're never going to get to say that on her show.
Also, perspective is so much different for a 20-something or 30-something woman who is not even sure if she does want to get married, and/or whether or not she wants kids, or wants to climb the corporate ladder; a woman who is not married, but gets horny & lonely, who is far from certain what the future holds. Dr. Laura knows that, barring (God forbid) someone's death, she's going to wake up tomorrow next to her husband, and if she wants sex with him, she can have it. She has a son. She has a career. The women calling her aren't in that position. They may be with men who they want to be with for the rest of their lives, who are good citizens, doing well in their careers, who want the same things out of life she does... and expect sex to be a regular part of a dating/couple relationship and will not stick around if it isn't. (I haven't forgotten what is like to get advice from happily married men who were getting sex on a regular basis when I was inexperienced, lonely and worried I'd never have a good, lasting relationship... it's a little like being told "you're time will come... someday" from a guy who is stuffing himself with an all-he-can-eat meal of his favorite foods while you're standing here desperately hungry.)
I touched a bit on these topics in this previous posting.
Subsequent to a few calls like that, Dr. Laura got a call from a woman who was with a man for a year and a half. He has a lower sex drive than hers; very low, from the sound of it. Everything else about the relationship was great, according to the caller. Dr. Laura asked her if she wanted to spend the rest of her life without sexual intimacy and that the caller knew he was like that for a year and a half.
Wait... how was the caller supposed to find that out when they were first dating, since Dr. Laura (like many other marriage-and-family-minded commentators) says they're supposed to save sex for marriage, and definitely not hop into bed right away?
Anyway, after a year and a half it was clear.
The problem with Dr. Laura's question, though, is that it assumes the woman definitely will find satisfying sexual intimacy with another man, who will also have the other necessary qualities, if she leaves the relationship she's in now. There is no guarantee of that. Now, if Dr. Laura had gone on to say ..."because you'll drive him crazy if you stay with him, because you will continue to make an issue of his lack of drive"... then I might agree. But that wasn't addressed. It was all about the needs of the caller. The sad truth is, the caller may never find anyone better for her. On the optimistic side, she may indeed find a much better match.
If she doesn't, though, she'll never be put through on the air to say "I wish I would have stayed with that guy you told me to dump."
Remember, the only reason I can nitpick like this is because I think Dr. Laura is, for the most part, awesome and I listen to every minute of her show, read her books, and read the stuff on her website. May she continue for decades.
Dr. Laura Gone Deist, or What?
(Updated... see below.)
Happy (now belated) Birthday to Dr. Laura! I listen to every new minute of the Dr. Laura Schlessinger show, thanks to podcasting...and OCD. I have made no secret of that. And I also make so secret of generally agreeing with her and seeing that she's doing a lot of good for a lot of people, including me.
Every so often, though, I have my quibbles and questions.
Listening to Tuesday's show, I had these observations...
1) A wife used the magic words in complaining to Dr. Laura about her husband. She mentioned he plays video games. That's always enough for Dr. Laura to dismiss a guy's manhood and side with the woman. If the caller had said her husband watches movies, watches television, plays Solitaire (actual cards, not on a computer), reads pulp fiction, tosses horseshoes, collects bottle caps... that would all be OK. But Dr. Laura has a thing about video games and technology in general. For example, she frequently tells people, especially adult males, that they should not have Facebook accounts... even though she invites people to comment on her show's Facebook page. If they don't have it already, her staff should post instruction on maximizing Facebook privacy so that she could refer people to that information and thereby not have to be contradictory in telling them not to have Facebook pages.
2) In relation to the above-referenced call, in which the young couple was childless and had been together since they were 16, I noticed that Dr. Laura's advice actually may contribute to the statistics she cites about the divorce rate of people who marry the person they've been with since teenagers or marry someone with minor children. I perceive her position is that having children together is a much stronger deciding factor than marital vows, at least in one direction: people who have children together should stay married (and get married, if not already), provided we're not talking about an abusive person/substance abuser, etc. The marital vows don't seem to carry much weight if there are no children. If someone "made a mistake" by marrying someone who isn't being a good spouse (perhaps he plays video games?) then her position, as I perceive it, is that the promise/vow was a mistake and it is OK to break that promise or revoke that vow, lest the person stay in a bad marriage or have to get some things sorted out moving forward. I suspect Dr. Laura's biggest fear is that they will have children together if they stay married, and then the children will suffer, and so she advises they divorce rather than running that risk.
If everyone in these situations (or who blended families and is having the typical complaints) followed the advice and divorced, the divorce statistics would then be reinforced. It becomes self-fulfilling.
3) Sometimes she tells people to do things as though everyone makes at least as much income as she & her husband do/did... "Get a lawyer and..." and live in neighborhoods like the ones she does. "Put the kid in a pram and go running." Kind of hard, risky, or impossible to do in certain neighborhoods. I know, I know... she'd tell them to move. But again, that assumes they have the cash to do so. She is, rightfully so, into prevention, so her advice would probably be not to get pregnant if you're living somewhere like that to begin with.
4) The biggest thing that prompted me to blog about her show again is that she increasingly sounds like she's gone Deist, if not Atheist. I don't include "Agnostic" because she said on yesterday's show that Agnostics are just gutless Atheists. She's still decidedly socially/politically conservative, with certain exceptions (although yesterday's show once again demonstrated that calling her "anti-gay" is a vicious lie or incredibly ignorant). She has spoken and written about some of her religious journey in the past, considering herself Jewish by birth to her father, but not praciticing until some questions by her son led to them becoming Orthodox, and then some difficulties and disappointments with people/organizations (according to her) resulted in her no longer identifying as Orthodox. She even has at least one tattoo now.
Her statements, in content and tone, have been noticeably different lately when a caller says something about God being involved in their life or someone else's life. In the more gentle moments, she simply states something like "I don't think God is going from person to person and saying 'you get this, you get that'." In the more forceful moments, it is something like"I don't think God cares about that" or "Oh, so you think God protected your kid from getting sick but made another kid sick" or things like that. Guess, I suspect this recent tone has something to do with watching a good friend of hers die of cancer, which of course is a terrible thing. Cancer sucks. Watching people die of it sucks, unless they're unusually evil people. I don't know if Sandy Hook or other events have contributed to this, but it is at the point now where she is more or less treating the attitudes of some callers (or the people her callers are talking about) as delusional or narcissistic when it comes to God (and some of them may indeed be).
Christian theology does describe God as imminent, omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent, sovereign, and personal, and Christians (anyone who has been born again by repenting and following Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior) as having a personal relationship with Him. It is in keeping with that understanding that Christians give credit to God for every good thing, think God cares about everything in their lives, and that He is involved in their lives. Surely, a God powerful enough to create the universe is not incapable of being involved in our lives.
I understand that, Dr. Laura, apart from being bapitzed in a Roman Catholic ceremony when she was an infant, does not identify as Christian. The question I'm asking, and I realize it isn't necessarily any of my business, is what is she now? Deists believe, more or less, that God is Creator and that otherwise stays out of things (for now, anyway). Pantheists (such as Hindu believers) believe God is all/in all and.or all is one.
When answering a caller about which traditional Protestant denomination's church her family would attend, Dr. Laura said "I don't think God is in one of them and not the other." and that He's in all of those buildings. that really doesn't shed any light on her personal beliefs about God, because someone could believe that God is nothing but a mental concept and say that. Dr. Laura went on to reaffirming her priority that a family have unity in their religious practice, saying "as long as you're doing it together I'm happy." She didn't say why this time, but from past statements it is for the sake of keeping the family together and the children grounded and part of a voluntary community. So, again, we see she doesn't have a belief about God that includes a strong conviction that people have a certain theology. Her goal is not to spread her theological beliefs or religious practices, but help people of many different faiths.
I would very much like to see Dr. Laura, or anyone else, find joy in being a follower of Jesus Christ. Yes, there's evil and pain in this world. No, it doesn't mean that God is absent or either unloving or limited in power. We're not going to fully understand the why of everything, at least not this side of eternity, but we can know that He is there, and that He cares, and that ultimately, everything will turn out for the best. Regardless of whether or not Dr. Laura agrees with that, she has a great show and does a lot of good for a lot of people.
UPDATE March 13, 2013 Example: During yesterday's third hour, Dr. Laura said "I don't think God cares about your marriage." She went on to cite kids dying of cancer and other common objections to the idea that there's a God is who is, at the same time, involved, omnipotent, omniscient, and loving. She said God is busy. She also, however, supported having faith in God.
Happy (now belated) Birthday to Dr. Laura! I listen to every new minute of the Dr. Laura Schlessinger show, thanks to podcasting...and OCD. I have made no secret of that. And I also make so secret of generally agreeing with her and seeing that she's doing a lot of good for a lot of people, including me.
Every so often, though, I have my quibbles and questions.
Listening to Tuesday's show, I had these observations...
1) A wife used the magic words in complaining to Dr. Laura about her husband. She mentioned he plays video games. That's always enough for Dr. Laura to dismiss a guy's manhood and side with the woman. If the caller had said her husband watches movies, watches television, plays Solitaire (actual cards, not on a computer), reads pulp fiction, tosses horseshoes, collects bottle caps... that would all be OK. But Dr. Laura has a thing about video games and technology in general. For example, she frequently tells people, especially adult males, that they should not have Facebook accounts... even though she invites people to comment on her show's Facebook page. If they don't have it already, her staff should post instruction on maximizing Facebook privacy so that she could refer people to that information and thereby not have to be contradictory in telling them not to have Facebook pages.
2) In relation to the above-referenced call, in which the young couple was childless and had been together since they were 16, I noticed that Dr. Laura's advice actually may contribute to the statistics she cites about the divorce rate of people who marry the person they've been with since teenagers or marry someone with minor children. I perceive her position is that having children together is a much stronger deciding factor than marital vows, at least in one direction: people who have children together should stay married (and get married, if not already), provided we're not talking about an abusive person/substance abuser, etc. The marital vows don't seem to carry much weight if there are no children. If someone "made a mistake" by marrying someone who isn't being a good spouse (perhaps he plays video games?) then her position, as I perceive it, is that the promise/vow was a mistake and it is OK to break that promise or revoke that vow, lest the person stay in a bad marriage or have to get some things sorted out moving forward. I suspect Dr. Laura's biggest fear is that they will have children together if they stay married, and then the children will suffer, and so she advises they divorce rather than running that risk.
If everyone in these situations (or who blended families and is having the typical complaints) followed the advice and divorced, the divorce statistics would then be reinforced. It becomes self-fulfilling.
3) Sometimes she tells people to do things as though everyone makes at least as much income as she & her husband do/did... "Get a lawyer and..." and live in neighborhoods like the ones she does. "Put the kid in a pram and go running." Kind of hard, risky, or impossible to do in certain neighborhoods. I know, I know... she'd tell them to move. But again, that assumes they have the cash to do so. She is, rightfully so, into prevention, so her advice would probably be not to get pregnant if you're living somewhere like that to begin with.
4) The biggest thing that prompted me to blog about her show again is that she increasingly sounds like she's gone Deist, if not Atheist. I don't include "Agnostic" because she said on yesterday's show that Agnostics are just gutless Atheists. She's still decidedly socially/politically conservative, with certain exceptions (although yesterday's show once again demonstrated that calling her "anti-gay" is a vicious lie or incredibly ignorant). She has spoken and written about some of her religious journey in the past, considering herself Jewish by birth to her father, but not praciticing until some questions by her son led to them becoming Orthodox, and then some difficulties and disappointments with people/organizations (according to her) resulted in her no longer identifying as Orthodox. She even has at least one tattoo now.
Her statements, in content and tone, have been noticeably different lately when a caller says something about God being involved in their life or someone else's life. In the more gentle moments, she simply states something like "I don't think God is going from person to person and saying 'you get this, you get that'." In the more forceful moments, it is something like"I don't think God cares about that" or "Oh, so you think God protected your kid from getting sick but made another kid sick" or things like that. Guess, I suspect this recent tone has something to do with watching a good friend of hers die of cancer, which of course is a terrible thing. Cancer sucks. Watching people die of it sucks, unless they're unusually evil people. I don't know if Sandy Hook or other events have contributed to this, but it is at the point now where she is more or less treating the attitudes of some callers (or the people her callers are talking about) as delusional or narcissistic when it comes to God (and some of them may indeed be).
Christian theology does describe God as imminent, omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent, sovereign, and personal, and Christians (anyone who has been born again by repenting and following Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior) as having a personal relationship with Him. It is in keeping with that understanding that Christians give credit to God for every good thing, think God cares about everything in their lives, and that He is involved in their lives. Surely, a God powerful enough to create the universe is not incapable of being involved in our lives.
I understand that, Dr. Laura, apart from being bapitzed in a Roman Catholic ceremony when she was an infant, does not identify as Christian. The question I'm asking, and I realize it isn't necessarily any of my business, is what is she now? Deists believe, more or less, that God is Creator and that otherwise stays out of things (for now, anyway). Pantheists (such as Hindu believers) believe God is all/in all and.or all is one.
When answering a caller about which traditional Protestant denomination's church her family would attend, Dr. Laura said "I don't think God is in one of them and not the other." and that He's in all of those buildings. that really doesn't shed any light on her personal beliefs about God, because someone could believe that God is nothing but a mental concept and say that. Dr. Laura went on to reaffirming her priority that a family have unity in their religious practice, saying "as long as you're doing it together I'm happy." She didn't say why this time, but from past statements it is for the sake of keeping the family together and the children grounded and part of a voluntary community. So, again, we see she doesn't have a belief about God that includes a strong conviction that people have a certain theology. Her goal is not to spread her theological beliefs or religious practices, but help people of many different faiths.
I would very much like to see Dr. Laura, or anyone else, find joy in being a follower of Jesus Christ. Yes, there's evil and pain in this world. No, it doesn't mean that God is absent or either unloving or limited in power. We're not going to fully understand the why of everything, at least not this side of eternity, but we can know that He is there, and that He cares, and that ultimately, everything will turn out for the best. Regardless of whether or not Dr. Laura agrees with that, she has a great show and does a lot of good for a lot of people.
UPDATE March 13, 2013 Example: During yesterday's third hour, Dr. Laura said "I don't think God cares about your marriage." She went on to cite kids dying of cancer and other common objections to the idea that there's a God is who is, at the same time, involved, omnipotent, omniscient, and loving. She said God is busy. She also, however, supported having faith in God.
Thursday, March 07, 2013
Quick Question
Consider this scenario:
You're married.
You've been telling your spouse you should be doing things as a couple more.
You've been telling your spouse you know you need to make more of an effort to increase the frequency of lovemaking.
Lovemaking is down to about once per week.
You last made love about four nights ago.
Your kids have been an hour away with family since yesterday and won't be back until late tomorrow.
Today, while away working, your spouse texts you saying he'd like to take you out for dinner (or she'd like to be taken out for dinner) or, if not that, at least bring something home for you.
You:
A) Accept.
B) Decline because you plan to make wild passionate love in several rooms of the home the moment your spouse gets home.
C) Accept, on the stated or unstated condition that you will make wild passionate love in several rooms of the home after dinner.
D) Decline so you could have your spouse help you with chores (you've been doing chores all day), then after your spouse has been home for a while, you send that spouse out to bring back some fast food, then you have the spouse do a few more chores before your spouse goes to bed too late to get a full night's rest.
Which would YOU choose?
She chose option D.
You're married.
You've been telling your spouse you should be doing things as a couple more.
You've been telling your spouse you know you need to make more of an effort to increase the frequency of lovemaking.
Lovemaking is down to about once per week.
You last made love about four nights ago.
Your kids have been an hour away with family since yesterday and won't be back until late tomorrow.
Today, while away working, your spouse texts you saying he'd like to take you out for dinner (or she'd like to be taken out for dinner) or, if not that, at least bring something home for you.
You:
A) Accept.
B) Decline because you plan to make wild passionate love in several rooms of the home the moment your spouse gets home.
C) Accept, on the stated or unstated condition that you will make wild passionate love in several rooms of the home after dinner.
D) Decline so you could have your spouse help you with chores (you've been doing chores all day), then after your spouse has been home for a while, you send that spouse out to bring back some fast food, then you have the spouse do a few more chores before your spouse goes to bed too late to get a full night's rest.
Which would YOU choose?
She chose option D.
Monday, February 25, 2013
Hands Off
It has been a while since I brought up a Dear Abby column here, even though I have been a regular reader. This time, "GRIEVING GRANDDAD" wrote in with:
I'm going to assume he's not a pervert or otherwise inappropriate, or leaving anything important out of his letter.
Something happened that the letter writer hasn't been told about. Maybe one or both of the granddaughters was attacked or molested by someone else. Perhaps they hate/suspect men in general now thanks to higher education. Or, maybe they "recovered memories" in a counseling session.
How many lives have been ruined by bogus "recovered memories"? Each life ruined is one too many. At least some such memories aren't really memories at all. Dr. Laura states on her show she doesn't believe ANY of them are real, stops calls when the caller claims that there was a recovered memories, and cites PTSD in soldiers as her reason, and other people who've been molested, along the lines of "If people could me made to forget memories we could make a lot of money selling that."
The problem I have with this is this:
That some people are haunted by traumatic events they are unable to forget does not necessarily mean nobody is ever able to "forget", and later remember, an actual traumatic event. But, this is more Dr. Laura's area of expertise than mine and she may be right... I just don't find her short explanation entirely convincing.
Anyway, I have point when it comes to men.
Heterosexual men are rapidly being marginalized in our culture and are increasingly at risk for being publicly humiliated and vilified, fired, sued, fined, and incarcerated for normal male behavior or based on mere accusations. Some prominent Christian leaders have refused to meet with women behind closed doors; the door must always be open and witnesses nearby. People like Tom Leykis advise men to avoid accusations of sexual harassment by either working for themselves or keep interaction with women in the workplace to the absolute minimum possible. Many others have said a man should never be a coach to anyone else's children or otherwise be in a position where they would be alone with some else's children or touching those children, so as to avoid accusations. And now, we see an example of how a man is taking a risk by having his own children.
At some point, the risks are just too high. A man protects himself the most by being self-employed and avoiding situations with women, by not marrying, by not having children, by not being around children. But what kind of society does that leave us with?
My two adult granddaughters have rejected me, their doting grandfather. Their father gave me this explanation: "They are uncomfortable with the way you rub their shoulders and necks."
These girls and both parents have misinterpreted my innocent expressions of affection, which haven't changed since the girls were little. The only change is in their perception of my actions.
I am devastated. I asked twice to meet with these family members to discuss their concerns. It has been three months; no meeting time has been offered. There has been no contact, and neither girl has called me for any reason this year.
I can't just stop loving those with whom I have forged a 20-year bond of affection. How can this rupture be repaired?
I'm going to assume he's not a pervert or otherwise inappropriate, or leaving anything important out of his letter.
Something happened that the letter writer hasn't been told about. Maybe one or both of the granddaughters was attacked or molested by someone else. Perhaps they hate/suspect men in general now thanks to higher education. Or, maybe they "recovered memories" in a counseling session.
How many lives have been ruined by bogus "recovered memories"? Each life ruined is one too many. At least some such memories aren't really memories at all. Dr. Laura states on her show she doesn't believe ANY of them are real, stops calls when the caller claims that there was a recovered memories, and cites PTSD in soldiers as her reason, and other people who've been molested, along the lines of "If people could me made to forget memories we could make a lot of money selling that."
The problem I have with this is this:
That some people are haunted by traumatic events they are unable to forget does not necessarily mean nobody is ever able to "forget", and later remember, an actual traumatic event. But, this is more Dr. Laura's area of expertise than mine and she may be right... I just don't find her short explanation entirely convincing.
Anyway, I have point when it comes to men.
Heterosexual men are rapidly being marginalized in our culture and are increasingly at risk for being publicly humiliated and vilified, fired, sued, fined, and incarcerated for normal male behavior or based on mere accusations. Some prominent Christian leaders have refused to meet with women behind closed doors; the door must always be open and witnesses nearby. People like Tom Leykis advise men to avoid accusations of sexual harassment by either working for themselves or keep interaction with women in the workplace to the absolute minimum possible. Many others have said a man should never be a coach to anyone else's children or otherwise be in a position where they would be alone with some else's children or touching those children, so as to avoid accusations. And now, we see an example of how a man is taking a risk by having his own children.
At some point, the risks are just too high. A man protects himself the most by being self-employed and avoiding situations with women, by not marrying, by not having children, by not being around children. But what kind of society does that leave us with?
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Gazing at the Horizon
There's not really much I look forward to these days.
For as long as I can remember back into my childhood, I was not one of those kids who wanted to be older. I didn't mind being the age I was. I didn't mind not being able to drive, or buy booze, or whatever. In fact, I didn't run out and get my license as soon as I could, like so many other teens did. I knew that time was a one-way arrow, and that I was never going to be whatever age I was again.
Even so, there were events, milestones and goals to which I had to anticipate, plan, prepare, or strive:
Needing more income and what would be considered more professional experience, I took one of those jobs considered "professional", but not something/somewhere to which people aspire. Nobody you ask in college would say, "That's what I want to do & where I want to work!"
And I did well enough.
I wanted to get married and have kids. I did that.
I wanted to buy a house. I did that. Well, I'm paying a mortgage on a house anyway.
Now what?
I spent so much of my life trying to get from one point to another, and then I'd finally arrived "there". Oh sure, that ideal professional ambition will probably never be fulfilled, and I'm not actively trying to make it happen. Not only do I need stability but my family sure as heck needs stability.
Our house isn't in the best neighborhood, but we have no plans or aspirations to move. We bought the place with the expectation that we'd die there.
My wife says I gave her the life she's always wanted.
I don't really have time or money for my hobbies.
So, I literally have nothing for which I am looking forward.
Oh, sure, someday I hope to retire, and I'm making investments towards that end, but I'm not expecting that the Mrs. and I will be doing a lot of traveling or anything like that after I retire.
And someday, should the Lord tarry, I will expire, and I look forward to being free of the "old man" and being with Him, whether He returns before I die or not.
My work is not the sort for which there are things to which I look forward. I do my work. I finish this and that. And on it goes. I do it for the compensation, not personal satisfaction or enjoyment/
So I suppose what I have to look forward to would be the milestones for my children.
More immediately, the only thing to which I look forward is lovemaking with my wife. No kidding. And that's rather sad and depressing, because:
If I was a pessimist, I'd say she'll probably become one of those horny middle-aged women (like the one who broke me in) just after I'm struck with some health problem that kills me or leaves me impotent.
Sorry that this entry hasn't been more uplifting. How's this? I live in the USA, I have my health, my family, my home, a job, and enjoy attending a church, and can do so with a reasonable assurance I won't be killed or jailed for doing so.
For as long as I can remember back into my childhood, I was not one of those kids who wanted to be older. I didn't mind being the age I was. I didn't mind not being able to drive, or buy booze, or whatever. In fact, I didn't run out and get my license as soon as I could, like so many other teens did. I knew that time was a one-way arrow, and that I was never going to be whatever age I was again.
Even so, there were events, milestones and goals to which I had to anticipate, plan, prepare, or strive:
- Every year, there was Halloween and Christmas, which were always fun for me. Birthday... eh... I think my parents gave each of us one big party during our childhoods, and the rest of the years it wasn't a big event.
- Get through the school year so you can enjoy Summer Vacation.
- Going on family trips/vacations
- Sports in which I was participating
- Do well in elementary school to prepare for junior high (we didn't have middle school back in the dark ages).
- Do well in junior high and high school so you can get into college. Where I lived, the question was never "Are you going to college?" It was "Where are you going to college?" We were also told that unless we get all As and Bs, had all sorts of extracurricular activities, and saved a life, we'd never get into college.
- Get a girlfriend. I didn't really get a serious girlfriend until I was 19. I was painfully shy and mostly pined after girls from afar, not really ever going to parties (not aware of most of them until after they happened) but rather buried in schoolwork, you know, because otherwise I'd never ever get into college and I'd end up living under a bridge.
- As I got older, events related to my hobby, which was tied in to my professional ambitions. Even the job I got while in high school was related to this.
- Get through college so I can get a job. I didn't really look forward to moving out. I had it pretty good at home. In fact, my parents found me an apartment near campus and I moved out to make attending school easier.
- Get an internship in the career of my choice. Did that while still in college. Didn't lead to a job.
Needing more income and what would be considered more professional experience, I took one of those jobs considered "professional", but not something/somewhere to which people aspire. Nobody you ask in college would say, "That's what I want to do & where I want to work!"
And I did well enough.
I wanted to get married and have kids. I did that.
I wanted to buy a house. I did that. Well, I'm paying a mortgage on a house anyway.
Now what?
I spent so much of my life trying to get from one point to another, and then I'd finally arrived "there". Oh sure, that ideal professional ambition will probably never be fulfilled, and I'm not actively trying to make it happen. Not only do I need stability but my family sure as heck needs stability.
Our house isn't in the best neighborhood, but we have no plans or aspirations to move. We bought the place with the expectation that we'd die there.
My wife says I gave her the life she's always wanted.
I don't really have time or money for my hobbies.
So, I literally have nothing for which I am looking forward.
Oh, sure, someday I hope to retire, and I'm making investments towards that end, but I'm not expecting that the Mrs. and I will be doing a lot of traveling or anything like that after I retire.
And someday, should the Lord tarry, I will expire, and I look forward to being free of the "old man" and being with Him, whether He returns before I die or not.
My work is not the sort for which there are things to which I look forward. I do my work. I finish this and that. And on it goes. I do it for the compensation, not personal satisfaction or enjoyment/
So I suppose what I have to look forward to would be the milestones for my children.
More immediately, the only thing to which I look forward is lovemaking with my wife. No kidding. And that's rather sad and depressing, because:
- she has zero libido these days
- she now rarely has orgasms (which I've always enjoyed giving)
- it happens less than twice a week
- when it does happen, I feel pressured to hurry up and get it over with because it is just an obligatory chore for her, per the first two points
- there are things I enjoy that are not unusual that she's not willing to do/go along with, and other restrictions that make the lovemaking less appealing to me and more difficult
If I was a pessimist, I'd say she'll probably become one of those horny middle-aged women (like the one who broke me in) just after I'm struck with some health problem that kills me or leaves me impotent.
Sorry that this entry hasn't been more uplifting. How's this? I live in the USA, I have my health, my family, my home, a job, and enjoy attending a church, and can do so with a reasonable assurance I won't be killed or jailed for doing so.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Presiding Over the Death of Terrestrial Radio?
Tom Leykis is rapidly approaching a full year of doing his daily show again.
A lot of people call it radio, but it isn't radio. Radio is a transmission method. His show is delivered through the Internet. His show left radio in 2009, when CBS Radio decided it was going to flip the format of the FM talk station he was on in Los Angeles into a Top 40 format, to compete with the ancient existing Top 40 station, owned by Clear Channel, and featuring Ryan Seacrest in the mornings. CBS did this because they needed a station with more female listeners, as their other stations in the market were not very effective at getting women. The ratings did go up. Meanwhile, due to his contract requiring it, CBS payed Leykis his salary until a certain date in 2012. Immediately after that was over, Leykis' show was back, only without corporate dictates and FCC restrictions on language.
He does the show live during the same afternoon timeslot that his radio show ran, for three hours. Commercial breaks are much shorter, and there's no traffic reports, so a lot of content can be packed into those three hours. There's an hourly "News for Guys" presented by two of the guys on his staff. If breaking news or audience response makes it worthwhile, he'll do a fourth "bonus" hour. That's flexibility he wouldn't have on corporate radio. (He will also, on occasion, do the show early or late, and inform listeners via social networking). Speaking of audience response, because of the technology he's using, he can see how many people are listening at any given time, allowing him to adapt immediately.
In addition to ad revenue, his venture brings in income by:
If someone is not a premium subscriber, they can either listen live or catch the replays, which run constantly between live show - for free. More and more people will be able to access the show through their smart phones and their automobile dashboards as technology is adapted.
I like the show better now because it is more honest. I think he's figured on the best way of adapting to technology and changes in media. Leykis speaks and length about his own life and the radio business. The insights into what's happening and previously happened with radio is informative and something I actually care about. Of course, Leykis is still an abortion and atheism promoter, which I don't like. However he tried doing "Ask the Atheist" again and it didn't generate enough interest. Leykis claims, and often promotes, libertarian philosophy, but has a populist streak. He encourages others to do what he did: rebuff the Big Corporate world and start their own businesses and buy from small businesses.
He's still telling men how to avoid being the guy everyone else (especially women( walks all over, which is generally good, although I can't go along with some of the specifics. He has sworn off marriage (four times was more than enough) and has no living children (they were all slaughtered in abortion clinics) and doesn't want any, and he's a good salesman for never marrying and remaining childless. As he long has, he discourages shacking up, too. A new part of his instructions is that if a man truly wants to have a child, he, alone, should hire a surrogate mother (and, presumably use a donated egg) so that there's no risk of an ex-wife or ex-girlfriend taking the child away.
Because fewer people are going to tune into the show "accidentally", he can't do hours of talking to people who hate him or his show. He addresses current events that interest him when he's not doing he regular features. Among his regular features are:
I take the good, and I know why I disagree with the bad. I listen regularly enough that I can be considered a fan.
As your favorite radio hosts disappear from the airwaves, when your favorite radio station flip formats, you should know... Tom said it would be like that.
You can read my previous entries on Leykis by clicking on the tags below.
A lot of people call it radio, but it isn't radio. Radio is a transmission method. His show is delivered through the Internet. His show left radio in 2009, when CBS Radio decided it was going to flip the format of the FM talk station he was on in Los Angeles into a Top 40 format, to compete with the ancient existing Top 40 station, owned by Clear Channel, and featuring Ryan Seacrest in the mornings. CBS did this because they needed a station with more female listeners, as their other stations in the market were not very effective at getting women. The ratings did go up. Meanwhile, due to his contract requiring it, CBS payed Leykis his salary until a certain date in 2012. Immediately after that was over, Leykis' show was back, only without corporate dictates and FCC restrictions on language.
He does the show live during the same afternoon timeslot that his radio show ran, for three hours. Commercial breaks are much shorter, and there's no traffic reports, so a lot of content can be packed into those three hours. There's an hourly "News for Guys" presented by two of the guys on his staff. If breaking news or audience response makes it worthwhile, he'll do a fourth "bonus" hour. That's flexibility he wouldn't have on corporate radio. (He will also, on occasion, do the show early or late, and inform listeners via social networking). Speaking of audience response, because of the technology he's using, he can see how many people are listening at any given time, allowing him to adapt immediately.
In addition to ad revenue, his venture brings in income by:
- subscriptions to his premium content (subscriptions also allow access to past shows)
- an Amazon link on the website (his business gets a portion of whatever is spent by the person clicking through to Amazon via that link)
- selling studio services for anyone wanted to use the studio for recording/producing audio content
- donations... I think.
If someone is not a premium subscriber, they can either listen live or catch the replays, which run constantly between live show - for free. More and more people will be able to access the show through their smart phones and their automobile dashboards as technology is adapted.
I like the show better now because it is more honest. I think he's figured on the best way of adapting to technology and changes in media. Leykis speaks and length about his own life and the radio business. The insights into what's happening and previously happened with radio is informative and something I actually care about. Of course, Leykis is still an abortion and atheism promoter, which I don't like. However he tried doing "Ask the Atheist" again and it didn't generate enough interest. Leykis claims, and often promotes, libertarian philosophy, but has a populist streak. He encourages others to do what he did: rebuff the Big Corporate world and start their own businesses and buy from small businesses.
He's still telling men how to avoid being the guy everyone else (especially women( walks all over, which is generally good, although I can't go along with some of the specifics. He has sworn off marriage (four times was more than enough) and has no living children (they were all slaughtered in abortion clinics) and doesn't want any, and he's a good salesman for never marrying and remaining childless. As he long has, he discourages shacking up, too. A new part of his instructions is that if a man truly wants to have a child, he, alone, should hire a surrogate mother (and, presumably use a donated egg) so that there's no risk of an ex-wife or ex-girlfriend taking the child away.
Because fewer people are going to tune into the show "accidentally", he can't do hours of talking to people who hate him or his show. He addresses current events that interest him when he's not doing he regular features. Among his regular features are:
- Money Monday, which is money-saving and financial advice for part of the show
- Leykis 101 at 5pm Pacific on Thurssdays, which tells men how to get more tail for less money and tells women how men think
- Leykis 201 for guys who failed Leykis 101 by getting married, becoming a parent, shacking up, etc. and are now having problems
- Be Funny, during which callers can call up and say something funny, whether a joke or whatever, no matter how offensive it is
- His sponsor divorce lawyer taking calls
- Ask a Mexican, which is inspired by a popular column of that name with the columnist himself
- Someone calling in on Fridays to warn of the various drunk driving checkpoints listeners might encounter
- Flash Fridays during daylight savings time, during which drivers turn on their headlights and loyal female listeners are supposed to show their breasts to such drivers. Leykis now uses social networking to solicit related pictures
I take the good, and I know why I disagree with the bad. I listen regularly enough that I can be considered a fan.
As your favorite radio hosts disappear from the airwaves, when your favorite radio station flip formats, you should know... Tom said it would be like that.
You can read my previous entries on Leykis by clicking on the tags below.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Women Get Something Out of Shacking Up, Fornication
This is something I wrote several years ago. It is as relevant as ever.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Hey Edward Furlong - It's OK to Live Alone
Another domestic violence arrest for Edward Furlong? Ugh.
Attention Mr. Furlong: It is never OK to assault a woman, or anyone else for that matter. It is OK to act in self-defense, although the cops are still likely to arrest YOU if they get involved.
I know you haven't had the best foundation in life. We've actually crossed paths. Don't ask me in what context. But here's the thing. You're an adult njow, and you have been for a long time.
It would be a very good idea to live alone, or at least live with some male roommates. Why this need to have women at your place? Sex? You don't need to have them in your place for that. Sheesh. Go talk with Tom. Ask to sit in with him on an hour of Leykis 201. I disagree with Tom on some very important things, but some of his advice can be very helpful.
Attention Mr. Furlong: It is never OK to assault a woman, or anyone else for that matter. It is OK to act in self-defense, although the cops are still likely to arrest YOU if they get involved.
I know you haven't had the best foundation in life. We've actually crossed paths. Don't ask me in what context. But here's the thing. You're an adult njow, and you have been for a long time.
It would be a very good idea to live alone, or at least live with some male roommates. Why this need to have women at your place? Sex? You don't need to have them in your place for that. Sheesh. Go talk with Tom. Ask to sit in with him on an hour of Leykis 201. I disagree with Tom on some very important things, but some of his advice can be very helpful.
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