Was It Really Wasted Time?

There are women who look back on a marriage or relationship that ended and they say something like "All those years, wasted!"

Especially if she was happy, enjoying herself, or feeling that her needs were met for most of that relationship, what does she mean that those were "wasted" years?

If her only goal was to have the man be with her into old age and then for him to die on her or outlive her, sure, it was wasted, if you dismiss that being with him helped her prepare to be with someone else - someone she wouldn't meet or wouldn't have dated before.

Or, if her only goal was to have children and she didn't because he couldn't, wouldn't, or she didn't think he'd make a good father, and now she's too old, sure, it was wasted, if you think she definitely would have had children with another guy, which we can't know with certainty.

But what about the companionship? The attention he gave her? All of the good times they had together? Things he did for her? For that all to be a waste, it means she didn't and doesn't value those things. Men, stop spending time, energy, and money on a woman who doesn't appreciate it!

The "wasted years" comment, upon careful consideration, sounds like ingratitude in most cases. An exception would be if we know for certain (and how can we) that she would have had a better time with someone else. It makes sense if she's saying "Bob, who I'm with now, wanted to date me, but I was busy with that jerk Joe!" Understand though, that her statement that she "wasted" those years is about her, not Joe. It was her choice.

Guys, if you're looking for an ongoing relationship, be very careful about a woman who says a past relationship was "wasted" time, unless she can explain how without sounding like she doesn't value affection, experiences together, gifts, etc. If you're just looking for dates and not a relationship, then be one of those guys she will say she wasted time with... just don't waste too much of her time. Keep the dates are short as you can!

Women, are you wasting your time? Does the journey matter, or only the destination?