There are so many comments that have been left on my blog's most popular entry that I'm encouraging people to comment here instead, so your comment doesn't get lost in the shuffle. The topic: I discourage men (and women, for that matter) from dating women with minor children. You might disagree with me. Maybe you have stories to tell. This is the place!
I urge people not to add chaos to their child's life. Don't date single mothers, or mothers of minor or dependent children!
And before you ask again, here is something I wrote to a widowed mother.
Disagree? Agree? Do you have success stories? Horror stories? Comment below! BUT PLEASE DO NOT USE PROFANITY (CUSS WORDS) in your comment or I probably won't publish it. This is acceptable: "That's bull****!" Writing out the word in full is not acceptable. No F word. No C word. No S word. No D word. You get the idea.
What exactly do you think it is you’re bringing to the table that is so much more valuable? Your freedom I guess? I know what I bring, financial and emotional security, resilience, self reliance, and a loyalty which surely would outshine your highest ideal of the word. That’s the problem w people who look at relationships by only what they’re going to get out of the equation. As soon as it stops working for them, they’re in the wind. Go back to your Ayn rand... I’m sure your third wife will thank you.
ReplyDelete1) I don't advise most men get into exclusive relationships with any woman. It's just that they should avoid women with minor children if they do.
Delete2) I'm married. If I wasn't married and I was silly enough to be looking for a relationship, I'd bring the same things I brought to my now-wife: I'm responsible, independent, don't have debts and in great financial shape with good credit, I'm fun to be around. I could go on but I won't. What I DIDN'T bring was the baggage of kids. I didn't have kids. I didn't have kids taking up time, money, and energy. I didn't have kids making things more difficult for the woman who became my wife.
3) Of course people look at relationships asking what they're going to get out of it. Relationships are voluntary. Why would you get into a relationship that was not going to be of any benefit to you? My guess is that YOU never do. Why should I?
Wow. What in the world has happened to us? No sense of compassion, interest, companionship, love? Just who’s in it for what and what do I get out of it. We are headed down the wrong path my friends and have been since the 60s. Now more than ever. No trust between the sexes. Sad.
ReplyDeleteRomantic relationships are entirely voluntary. Of course people are concerned about what they'll get out of it. Why would they enter one just to be a bank account, free labor, or doormat?
DeleteSomeone with compassion can engage in charity.
Romantic relationships have always been, at least partially, "What can I get out of this?" Ever notice that very attractive women tend to end up with wealthier men? Why aren't those women accepting dates from low-income men?
In the past, in addition to considering a wife as a potential sex partner, men were looking for someone who could carry and raise their children, usually so they'd have help on the farm or in the family business. And she wanted someone who could provide for her materially and protect her.
It has never been different- people have always thought about what they could get out of a relationship, unless they were the kind of people who simply let life wash over them.
I made the mistake of marrying a woman with kids. Biggest mistake I ever made and I regret it every day. Now I'm in a ton of debt and I'm resentful for putting myself in this position.
ReplyDeleteMen, don't date women with kids. Make that a hard rule and enforce it ruthlessly. Better yet, just don't get married.
How about just putting boundaries on your dating mothers. Know your rights, me I want to be in a relationship, however dont want to live with him. I like I'm independance, I like my time with my kids, so. How would someone like me veer financially ruin anyone? Just a question?
DeleteThe boundary is not to date mothers. That's the safer way to go. Men have a choice, and they should take it.
Delete@Unkown, you don’t have to do anything to ruin him financially. The existence of a relationship opens up the possibility of the courts automatically stripping a man of his income and assets. It’s the default setting, and that’s the problem. Were it not the case, then the advice to never date a single mother might be different, but I doubt it as there are too many other downsides beyond just the financial implications.
DeleteExcellent post man. I love how people just attack you personally instead of your points. I mean after all, why wouldn't you sacrifice everything you've worked for to clean up someone else's mistakes? How dare you not set yourself on fire to keep her warm during the cold winter nights.
ReplyDeleteJust the risk of being accused of sexual harassment by the kids (for whatever reason), is enough to stay away from them.
ReplyDeleteBefore I had my child I refused to date a man with kids so I understand a single man's perspective. What I dont agree with is the bashing of single moms. It shows a lack of humility and character and a whole lot of self-righteousness. Everyone on this earth makes mistakes. Some got into bad relationships. Others may have chose the wrong school, the wrong job, the list is endless. The key is learning from one's mistakes and becoming a better person. And not to assume we are better than anyone else because as I said, EVERYONE makes mistakes and choosing the wrong partner happens. No one is perfect, relationships dont always work out, people grow apart, etc etc. Anyway...im single because I made the mistake of getting involved with a man of poor character. I dont expect a man without children to want or date me. I dated a single dad and its HARD, period. If for any reason a man with or without kids wants to marry me one day its going to be tough either way. So at the moment im choosing to be single. Do I hope to fall in love again one day? Sure. It could happen I suppose. But life is certainly less drama being solo.
ReplyDelete