Running Game - Do Not Care

Running game isn't just about saving money, time, and effort. It is also about reducing "emotional labor," as the younger generations like to say.

Recently, a young man went to the front door of the house where his ex-girlfriend was. He ended up literally breaking in, and was immediately and fatally shot by the father of his ex. This was recorded on video.

Why was he so determined to gain access?

I don't know any the history of that relationship, nor do I know what personality or mental disorders he might have had, or his history of violence.

What I do know is that some people who have otherwise had stellar behavior have lost control of themselves when it comes to relationships, especially when there are arguments, disagreements, or breakups.

How to Prevent Domestic Violence, Cheating, and Divorce

This is how you can prevent domestic violence, cheating, and divorce:

Do not marry.

Do not live together.

Do not promise nor expect exclusivity.

Free Men who want to remain free men in good standing do not engage in rape, sexual harassment, domestic violence, stealthing, stalking, or revenge porn.

Free men, if they want sex, run game, which ensures that they don't waste time with women who do not want sex. Free men do not marry nor live with women. Free men do not agree to exclusivity. This prevents domestic violence, cheating, and divorce. It also prevents rape.

More men should be Free Men.

When To Involve Cops With Family

Your family member might be, or is, breaking the law, or is out of control with a mental breakdown or rage.

Do you call the the police?

That depends.

Some things to keep in mind:

• Your call will be recorded. Your location, name, voice, and what you say will be in the possession of a government agency and might be subject to release to the public.
• If police respond, they will be armed.
• If police respond, they might search you, your vehicle, your residence, etc.
• They might arrest someone, including you.
• They might end up using force, including deadly force.
• Assume everything will be audio and video recorded, but you won’t have access to the recordings, or they might be made public. 
• If the person cited or arrested is your spouse or dependent, that is going to have negative consequences and repercussions for you, including financial. 

Involving law enforcement should be a last resort, if any resort at all.

I thought about this when Dr. Laura told a caller to call the police on her husband, to get him stopped for potentially driving under the influence.

Nobody should drive impaired. The caller didn’t know for sure her husband was impaired. Dr. Laura certainly didn’t know. And it’s no skin off her nose if some caller ends up in a terrible situation. Her net worth is in the millions. She has no dependents. She can afford legal fees, fines, etc. Many of her callers can’t.

If someone is a danger to you, your children, or other dependents, it’s best to be financially and legally separated from them as well as physically. Involving the police when you’re still going to be legally connected is usually a very bad idea.

Of course, if you or someone else is facing imminent, serious harm or deadly violence, and you can’t get away or get the others away and can’t neutralize the aggressors yourself, an emergency call might be in order. But it has to be very serious.

I grew up with a respect for police and an optimistic view of police. But let’s think logically here. It’s a job. For any job, you’re beholden to your boss more than anyone else. You may think police work for you, but their boss is their chain of command. Law enforcement personnel are primarily there for the bidding of government; to enforce laws, not to be of service to you. It’s great if police have provided a service to you, but that’s not their primary goal.

People are flawed. Some are corrupt. Most people are looking out for their own interests. This includes cops.

Bullies, power trippers, sadists, sociopaths, and psychopaths exist. Nothing stops them from becoming cops.

You don’t know all laws. You can easily be breaking a law without even knowing it. Even if you aren’t, a cop has the ability to arrest you if they can fill out the paperwork. 

In general, cops, like any other job, are there for themselves, maybe for their family, too. For most jobs, someone being there for themselves isn’t a problem. But cops are armed, can take you to jail, and can initiate actions leading to your criminal prosecution, which can result in fines and prison sentences. They’re backed by unions, laws, policies, and courts. Some became cops because of family tradition. Some just needed a job. Some want power over others.

I imagine some originally got into law enforcement to help people. And sometimes cops perform heroic deeds. That doesn’t mean you should be quick to involve cops in a family matter.

You shouldn’t participate in crime nor enable it (assuming we’re not talking about unjust laws). You shouldn’t allow anyone to steal from you, threaten you, or assault you or innocent people, especially those for whom you have responsibility. Proactive protection and reactive defense are important. There are things you can do, such as getting away from the aggressor, or taking someone in for a psych hold, without being quick to involve cops.

Once cops are involved, there can be serious consequences, including for you. Involving cops should be the last resort.

Like so many other things, this is less of a problem for free men; men who live alone and aren’t responsible for others. 

Dependent Shackup Tells Dear Abby She’s Abused

Time for some more true love!

BAD SCENE IN THE MIDWEST wrote in to Dear Abby:

I'm a 37-year-old stay-at-home mother of two teens.

Not employed, not running a business. Doesn't say she homeschools. She stays home and has two teens.

I've been in a relationship with a guy I'll call "Doug" for four years.

What happened to the father or fathers of the teens?

I feel he only wants me here for sex.

That's true of most men, when you really get down to it. I mean, many value the companionship and friendship is there is some, too, but that's more of a byproduct. They often have to be friends and companions with the women to get the sex, or so they think, and the women take up their time, and, they're there. There are couples, including married, who really don't do much together. They may or may not have sex, and attend certain events together, but that's about it.

The way she says "here" and the rest of the letter imply she and her children are living in Doug's place. They're not married. How much money is Doug spending on these three people? Remember, she's not working.

If I say no, he either tries to force it or verbally abuses me.

Force or abuse are unacceptable, period. But clarification on "tries to" and "verbally abuses" would be helpful. "You don't give me what I need" isn't verbal abuse. "You're worthless" is.

But even if he wasn't abusive, if she doesn't want to have sex with him, she should leave.

You know why she doesn't? Because he provides money and services.

He tells me if I don't give him sex, I need to leave so he can bring another woman to do it.

Well that's just silly. He could go out and run game, part of which would be doing it elsewhere. But the real reason you need to leave, in addition to it being an abusive situation, is that it isn't your place.

He will destroy my belongings or call me names.

He couldn't do either of those things if you weren't there.

He says it's my fault that he does that to me.

His actions are his responsibility.

I'm not sure what to do here.

Get out.

Right... but you depend on him. That mistake is going to make things harder, but you have to.

What she can likely do, and a lawyer can fill her in on this, is call the police on the guy and have him kicked out of his own place and still compelled to pay for it, and, possibly, pay her as well and pay child support for those kids even though they aren't his. While he might "deserve" that for being an abuser, most men should NEVER move a woman in to their place, ESPECIALLY one with kids.

When a boyfriend (or husband for that matter) forces their partner to have sex, it isn't foreplay; it is rape.

Agreed. And what is it called when someone is forced to labor for another adult?

What you need to do now is get out of there as safely as you can. Place a confidential call to the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233) and ask for help formulating a plan to safely escape your abuser, because that is what this man is.

She has places to go, thankfully. It's not as easy for abused men.

I'm trying to get the domestic abuse rate down to zero. The best way to avoid abuse is to be independent and don't move in with an abusive person.

This woman apparently has a habit of picking bad men. Bad men apparently turn her on. That’s what young men see over and over again. What do they learn from that?

Jumping to Conclusions

Man kills self, woman most affected. (Consider that a trigger warning.)

I posted about this on Twitter but I wanted to write more about it here.

Hey Edward Furlong - It's OK to Live Alone

Another domestic violence arrest for Edward Furlong? Ugh.

Attention Mr. Furlong: It is never OK to assault a woman, or anyone else for that matter. It is OK to act in self-defense, although the cops are still likely to arrest YOU if they get involved.

I know you haven't had the best foundation in life. We've actually crossed paths. Don't ask me in what context. But here's the thing. You're an adult njow, and you have been for a long time.

It would be a very good idea to live alone, or at least live with some male roommates. Why this need to have women at your place? Sex? You don't need to have them in your place for that. Sheesh. Go talk with Tom. Ask to sit in with him on an hour of Leykis 201. I disagree with Tom on some very important things, but some of his advice can be very helpful.

Question For My Readers

What constitutes verbal or emotional abuse?

I pretty much have a zero tolerance policy for physical abuse in my advice to others an in my personal life. I haven't ever been physically abused in a dating relationship or my marriage, thankfully.

I'm not talking about self-defense or defending children through force. I'm not talking about someone being completely unhinged and an open-handed slap being needed to get their attention. I'm not talking about literally pushing someone away when you don't want them touching you. I'm talking about actual domestic violence... hitting, biting, kicking, throwing things at you, scratching, aggressive pushing, etc. If someone does that once, they shouldn't be given the chance to do it again, no matter how many times they apologize.

But what about with verbal or emotional abuse? And what would constitute such things?

I think, perhaps, I have accepted apologies for those things in some of my relationships. I wouldn't accept an apology for physical abuse. Why did I accept them for verbal abuse? But again, does anyone have a good definition or examples? Can they be excused as "saying the wrong things" if an apology has been given, while physical violence can't be excused?

Volunteering for Abuse

BRUISED AND ABUSED BOYFRIEND wrote in to Dear Abby:

I have been dating "Carmen" for a few years, but in the last year she has started becoming violent when we are having an argument.

First of all, why has the dating been going on for "a few years"? Do you have no intention of marrying?

I think this is domestic abuse, but she claims it isn't because I'm a man.

WRONG! Geez, so much for equality. The first time she got violent, you should have left immediately, and only returned to her if you were convinced, for good reason, that it was an aberration. The second time should have meant it was over. I'd say "call the cops" but you'd probably be the one arrested, so you should have 1) left, telling her never to contact you again, and 2) if she did contact you, filed a restraining order.

So far, I have restrained my instincts -- but eventually I know Carmen will cross the line and I'm going to snap. I have the potential to hurt her badly.

And then there would be a Lifetime Original Movie about how evil you are.

I have tried everything to make Carmen understand how I feel, but she continues to insist it doesn't matter because I'm so much bigger and stronger than she is.

WRONG! And there's no getting her to understand.

When she hits me, it doesn't hurt physically, but the anger I feel is indescribable.

What she does now doesn't hurt you, but she might do something worse later, or when you’re sleeping. And were you planning to have kids with her? Children are easier to injure, and they don't need to see their father abused anyway.

Stop rationalizing and LEAVE!!!

I'm at the end of my rope and considering breaking up with her before I hurt her.

Considering? It is bad enough you are still there.

I don't want to end the relationship, but I think it's the only way to make her see things from my perspective.

Who cares if she sees things from your perspective?!? I’m sorry, I know it isn’t a Biblical word, but this guy is a p---y. My guess is that he's rationalizing it because crazy chicks give wild sex. And that's all good, but only until she cuts it off and puts it into a garbage disposal.

Or should I call the cops the next time she hits me?

While that is exactly what a woman should do (call the cops), it isn't advisable for men, unfortunately.

Dear Abby told him to end it.

Please think ahead -- if Carmen resorts to violence when she becomes upset with you, then she very likely will with any children you would have together.

Yup!

Some experts are now saying men are more likely to be subject to dometic violence than women. I don't know if there is a way of knowing for sure, but we do know who is more likely to be arrested, and who has the shelters and assistance programs waiting for them, etc.

The sex of the perp and the sex of the victim doesn't matter. Do NOT tolerate abuse. It is better to be alone than to be in a bad relationship, but there are billions of fish in the sea anyway, so chances are, you'll find someone a lot better.

Change VAWA to VAPA

Phyllis Schlafly, a favorite target of Leftist feminists who usually "forget" to explain where and how she is wrong, talks about the problems with the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) in this installment of her column that calls on WAVA to be rewritten.

For 30 years, the feminists have been pretending that their goal is to abolish all sex discrimination, eliminating all gender differences no matter how reasonable. When it comes to domestic violence, however, feminist dogma preaches that there is an innate gender difference: Men are naturally batterers, and women are naturally victims (i.e., gender profiling).

Starting with its title, VAWA is just about as sex discriminatory as legislation can get. It is written and implemented to oppose the abuse of women and to punish men.

Ignoring the mountain of evidence that women initiate physical violence nearly as often as men, VAWA has more than 60 passages in its lengthy text that exclude men from its benefits.

Schlafly isn't just complaining. She has specific recommendations.

For starters, the law's title should be changed to Partner Violence Reduction Act, and the words "and men" should be added to those 60 sections.

The law should be rewritten to deal with the tremendous problem of false accusations so that its priority can be to help real victims. A Centers for Disease Control survey found that half of all partner violence was mutual, and 282 scholarly studies reported that women are as physically aggressive, or more aggressive, than men.

Currently used definitions of domestic violence that are unacceptably trivial include calling your partner a naughty word, raising your voice, causing "annoyance" or "emotional distress," or just not doing what your partner wants. The law's revision should use an accurate definition of domestic violence that includes violence, such as: "any act or threatened act of violence, including any forceful detention of an individual, which results or threatens to result in physical injury."

If refusing meet a wife's every request is considered domestic violence, the concept is trivialized. There are women who are beaten by their shack-ups or husbands, and their plight should be taken seriously, not equated to disagreement.

Women who make domestic violence accusations are not required to produce evidence and are never prosecuted for perjury if they lie. Accused men are not accorded fundamental protections of due process, not considered innocent until proven guilty and in many cases are not afforded the right to confront their accusers.

Here's another specific problem:

Feminist recipients of VAWA handouts lobby legislators, judges and prosecutors on the taxpayers' dime (which is contrary to Section 1913 of Title 18, U.S. Code), and the results are generally harmful to all concerned. This lobbying has resulted in laws calling for mandatory arrest (i.e., the police must arrest someone -- guess who) of the predominant aggressor (i.e., ignore the facts and assume the man is the aggressor) and no-drop prosecution (i.e., prosecute the man even if the woman has withdrawn her accusation or refuses to testify).

She goes on to cite the same thing Michael Barone cited in a column I discussed here.

Victims of actual domestic violence have an obligation to 1) remove themselves and anyone for whom they are responsible from the situation, and 2) document the abuse, and, depending on how serious the abuse is, 3) following through in prosecution. Law enforcement should definitely cooperate, but not abandon the "innocent until proven guilty" approach. This will not only protect the victims (and thus allow them to leave the victim status behind), it will also protect others from becoming victims.

Becker and the Pecker

This is going to be... big... news. Maybe you've already heard it. From the Orange County Register:

A woman is behind bars after police say she poisoned her husband, cut off his penis and threw it in the garbage disposal because he "deserved it."

He probably "deserved" it the way some women "deserve" to be beaten or sexually assaulted.

At about 9 p.m. Monday, officers went to a home in the 1400 block of Flower Street [Garden Grove, California] after a woman called 911 and reported a medical emergency, Garden Grove police Lt. Jeff Nightengale said.

Officers found a 51-year-old man tied to the bed and bleeding from his groin, he said. The man, who has not been identified, underwent emergency surgery at UCI Medical Center in Orange and was listed in serious condition, Nightengale said.

The 48-year-old woman, Catherine Kieu Becker, is accused of using an unknown poison or drug in her husband's food to make him sleepy, Nightengale said. She then tied him to the bed and, as he woke up, she cut off his penis with a knife, Nightengale said.

That would make it premeditated. Perhaps a lawyer will still manage to come up with a hormone defense.

The victim told detectives that he believed there was something wrong with the food Becker prepared for him, Nightengale said.

So he was complaining about her cooking? Is that why he deserved it? Oh, wait, he means that he was poisoned.

Becker and the victim are going through a divorce, he said.

Okay guys, one of the first rules about divorce is STAY AWAY FROM HER!

Becker was arrested on suspicion of aggravated mayhem, false imprisonment, assault with a deadly weapon, administering a drug with intent to commit a felony, poisoning and spousal abuse, Nightengale said.

What, no "illegal dumping of biological" waste? Let's see if she is actually held accountable.

Crazy women are fun in bed. Until they cut off your pecker.

By the way, it's California, so even if she is guilty, she is STILL entitled to half of the marital assets, and, if he earned more than her, alimony. Now, he can certainly sue her for what she (allegedly) did to him, and I hope he does.

Men, choose wisely. Add this woman to the "Do Not Date" list.

Maybe She'll Get a Show on E!

From the Associated Press, distributing stuff from Maine's Portland Press Herald, comes this update on a repeat "American Idol" contestant.

A police report says 25-year-old Jessica Candage of Yarmouth was spotted Sunday evening by a Portland officer who said it appeared she was preventing her husband from walking toward him. The officer then saw Candage punch her husband, Craig, in the face several times.

She's now facing domestic abuse charges, and I hope she will be get the very same treatment as if the sexes were switched in this story.

Craig Candage told the Portland Press Herald the incident was his fault and his wife shouldn't have been charged.

Isn't that the classic response from a victim of DV? There's something wrong with him for trying to protect her from the law. Or she's really, really good in the sack. Most crazy women are, and a lot of guys will put up with a heckuva lot for wild sex. It's all fun until she cuts off your penis or sets you on fire, and not only gets away with it, but has a movie made about her to air on Lifetime.

Jessica Candage competed on "American Idol" under the stage name Jessica Cunningham.

Cunningham? I don't remember Joanie behaving that way.

She twice made it to the final 24. When last voted off the show, she responded to the judges' rejection by delivering a two-fisted, obscene gesture.

That was no doubt a way to get a little more airtime. Stay classy.

Mangum's Alleged Victim Dies

According to this article, Durham police confirmed that Reginald Daye, 46, has died.

A man who said he was Daye's nephew called 911 to report the stabbing, saying it occurred while Daye and his girlfriend were arguing about rent money.

Don't shack up and don't ever pay her bills, and this won't be an issue.

In March 2006, Mangum claimed three white players on the Duke lacrosse team trapped her inside a bathroom at 610 N. Buchanan Blvd., where she was performing as a stripper at a team party, and raped and sexually assaulted her.

Her story about the incident was so inconsistent that state officials later declared the players innocent, saying there was no credible evidence against them.

Former Durham County District Attorney Mike Nifong was later disbarred for withholding DNA evidence from defense attorneys in the case.

The three lacrosse players and some of their former teammates are suing Nifong and a police investigator, claiming their rights were violated during the case.

Crazy chicks are fun in bed, but it isn't fun when they falsely accuse you of rape, drive your children into the Hudson, cut off your penis, or stab you to death. On the other side of the coin, bad boys are a lot of fun, until they beat your or kill you. Choose wisely.

Dagum It! Mangum It!

Look who is back in the news! Yes, it is Crystal Mangum, the woman I previously wrote about here. She's still auditioning for a show on E!, apparently.

Authorities say former Duke Lacrosse accuser Crystal Mangum was arrested overnight Sunday for allegedly stabbing her boyfriend in the chest.

Authorities say around 3 a.m., officers responded to a stabbing at a home in the 3000 block of Century Oaks Drive.

When police arrived, they found a 46-year-old man stabbed in the chest.

The man suffered serious injuries and was taken to Duke University Hospital for treatment.

Three in the morning. You'd think a 46-year-old man would know better than to be with this woman. Apparently not.

Investigators say the victim is Mangum's boyfriend and say they believe the stabbing occurred during an argument at the apartment the couple shared.

Shacking up!

A man who claims he's the victim's cousin says Mangum and the victim had a brief relationship.

Not brief enough to keep them from shacking up. This is how brief the relationship should've been:

Guy: "Crystal's a pretty name. What's your last name?”
Mangum: "Mangum"
Guy: [Googles "Crystal Mangum" on his phone.] [Pause] [Starts to run.] "See ya!"

"I mean he was excited," said the man. "He was like, 'man, guess who I'm dating now.' He was excited, but I told him 'man, you know her background, be careful, you know what I mean.'"

She has minor kids. She was charged with attempted murder. She lamely accused the Duke Lacrosse players of rape. She was a stripper. Anyone one of those alone should have been a big enough red flag, but this guy thought it would be exciting to shack up with her. If you need that kind of excitement, how about jumping out of an airplane without checking your parachute first?

Mangum, 32, was later arrested at a nearby apartment and charged with assault with a deadly weapon with intent to kill inflicting serious injury.

Nearby apartment? Was she moving on to the next in line?

After the debacle of her allegations against the Duke players:

Mangum went into hiding, then graduated from NCCU in 2008 with a degree in police psychology.

Has NCCU invited her back to speak?

Later that year she released a memoir, "The Last Dance for Grace: The Crystal Mangum Story".

Then last year, Mangum was arrested and charged with attempted murder, arson and child abuse after a domestic dispute with her ex-boyfriend - a different man than the person involved in the incident Sunday.

In December, the jury found Mangum guilty of child abuse, but they couldn't agree on a first-degree felony arson charge, which could have landed Mangum in jail for seven years.

Can we pair her with Charlie Sheen?

Some of these comments below are good.

"benis.magee" 4/3/11 10:10 PM EDT:

I feel sorry for her kids and all of their fathers.

Those poor kids. I pray someone with decent parental skills and a stable home gets custody. Shame on the guys who have knocked this woman up.

"Simplemind2" 4/4/11 6:55 AM EDT

I guess Ms. Crystal Mangum's "Last Dance for Grace" is not that graceful after all.

"coffeecan" 4/4/11 10:24 AM EDT:

Thank God that the parents of the lacrosse players had backbones and money to fight the false charges.

I'll write it again... false rape allegations made things harder for actual rape victims.

UPDATE: The apparent victim has died.

When The Sheen Wears Off the Fantasy

Idealistic and narcissistic women think they have a magic vagina that will change troubled males into good husbands and fathers. And there are some women who want, on some level, to be mistreated. That’s why women take on and keep boyfriends who are abusive or otherwise a mess who are in no condition to have a healthy relationship. When it comes to guys like Charlie Sheen, there's the added lure for gold diggers and attention whores of money and fame.

Brooke Mueller should have had ample indication that Sheen was not marriage material (how hard is it to contact Denise Richards, really?), yet she married him and made babies with him, thereby messing up the lives of others. And barring Sheen's imminent death, which would surprise nobody, she won't be the last woman to do this with Sheen. You can read AP Entertainment Writer Anthony Mccartney's story here.

Charlie Sheen's estranged wife Brooke Mueller obtained a restraining order to keep the actor away from her and their sons because she was afraid of threatening statements the actor had made in recent days, including stabbing her in the eye with a pen.

The order prompted police to take the twins from Sheen's Hollywood Hills home on Tuesday night and return them to Mueller's care.

Actually, isn't she in rehab herself?

According to a sworn declaration filed in the case, Mueller said Sheen told her in a phone call Sunday night, "I will cut your head off, put it in a box and send it to your mom!"

Lovely.

"(Sheen) has made various bizarre, disturbing and violent statements to the media in the past week which cause me great fear for the safety of our children while in his care as he does not appear mentally stable," Mueller wrote. She also noted a Christmas Day 2009 fight in Aspen, Colo., which led to the actor pleading guilty to misdemeanor third-degree assault.

In the filing, Mueller states she felt obligated to travel to the Bahamas with Sheen and two young women currently living in his Hollywood Hills home. She said that Sheen started the trip in a good mood, but drank on the plane and became belligerent on Feb. 23.

Mueller claims Sheen turned a flashlight on in her face, held a pen to her face and threatened to stab her in the eye with a knife. She wrote that she then left the Bahamas and returned to Los Angeles.

Yes, she is in rehab:

Mueller acknowledges her own sobriety issues in the declaration. She said she is in a day rehab treatment program, but that she can care for the children for four hours during the day and at night. She told the court that she would be living with a sober companion, and that her mother would help with the twins' care.

Ladies: You do have a choice in men. You do. You have freedoms other women in other parts of the world or in past times will never know. Don't be so stupid with that freedom. Your vagina, while a glorious example of God's good work, will not change guys like Sheen. Sheen's role in life will be to continue as a counduit moving studio funds to prostitutes and drug dealers. And fodder for the overabundent "entertainment" journalists.

I've subjected myself to mistreatment before (though not physical abuse). But I eventually wised up, and thankfully didn't marry in such a situation nor make babies.

What say you?

Health Care and Domestic Violence?

I could write a lot on how the current efforts to expand federal government involvement in health care and insurance is even more unfair financially to men than other expansions of government. (It is also harmful to the independence of women and to women who earn higher incomes.) But as noted on The Playful Walrus, there are nine states that allow insurance companies to treat domestic violence as a preexisting condtion, and some people, including the current administration, find that troublesome and are presenting it as a womens' right issue. Never mind that women commit domestic violence as well - is it never reasonable for an insurance company to turn someone down who has a history of being abused?

Why should an insurance company be forced to take on someone who voluntarily subjects themselves to a situation that has already proven to be unnecessarily dangerous? And yes, it is voluntary. Dating is voluntary. Being alone in private with someone is voluntary. Shacking up is voluntary. Getting married is voluntary. Staying married is voluntary.

Should all insurance companies should be forced to insure someone (male or female) who keeps going back to someone who beats the crap out of them, or regularly assaults them? To me, it is a problem that only nine states allow insurance companies to treat this as a preexisting condition.

Another Game of Switch the Sexes

What would you do if a man confided in you that his girlfriend was violent, to the point of regularly injuring him? Would you tell him to fight back? Keep living with her? If you're sane, you'd tell him to get out of that relationship and do everything to avoid her.

In a Los Angeles-area paper The Daily Breeze, Denise Nix reports on a case I found interesting.

A woman who stabbed and killed her boyfriend during a dispute in Gardena was sentenced Tuesday to probation and ordered to attend domestic violence counseling, according to prosecutors.

Lloya Williams, 24, was originally charged with murder for the death of Antoine Benbo, 27, on April 11.

However, the charge was reduced to voluntary manslaughter after an expert testified at a preliminary hearing that Williams' actions were consistent with battered women's syndrome, according to Deputy District Attorney Lana Kim.

We're not living in the 60s or 70s. This didn't take place in the middle of nowhere. If someone attacks you for the first time and you kill them in self defense, then I can understand that. If someone attacks you and you stay with them, then I don't care what you call it, but you're putting yourself in the situation. Yes, assault is wrong. But were Williams' fatal actions really justified? I guess we'll have to take the expert's word for it.

At the time of his death, Benbo was on probation for a domestic violence conviction against Williams, Kim added.

So she knew he was violent and would be violent towards her. Yet...

Williams stabbed Benbo in the chest with a kitchen knife during an argument at their trailer park home in the 13800 block of South Vermont Avenue.

Their home? She was still living with him?

Again, I don't defend the Benbo's actions. He sounds like an evil guy. But what if the sexes were reversed? Are only women excused by hormones and syndromes when it comes to violence between the sexes?

I certainly hope she gets better at picking men, though it would be very risky to date her, so perhaps any man who agrees to date her would be, by definition, not the right man.

And guys - any woman crazy enough to stay with a guy who beats her is certainly crazy enough to kill him as payback. Beating each other is not okay. It is not "just the way relationships are". It is the way sick relationships are. Get help.

Shattered Crystal

False rape accusations are horrible for many reasons, including (but certainly not limited to) 1. making things more difficult for actual rape victims; 2. casting lingering suspicion and loss of reputation on the falsely accused; and 3. tying up law enforcement resources in a wild goose chase.

With that in mind, here is the latest on North Carolina’s Crystal Gayle Mangum, per The Smoking Gun:

The North Carolina woman who falsely accused a group of Duke lacrosse players of rape was arrested last night for allegedly assaulting her boyfriend and threatening to stab him.

I wonder if this matter will be handled the same way by the legal system, media, and domestic violence groups as it would be if the sexes were reversed?

The guy is foolish to associate with her, but let's not blame the victim.

According to Durham cops, Crystal Mangum, 31, got into a violent altercation with Milton Walker, and set his clothes on fire in a bathtub.

Isn't that arson? Why yes, she has been charged with that, too.

She also scratched and punched Walker, who was not arrested.

Why would he be arrested? How often, in stories of men being arrested for violence against women, do you see a mention of whether or not the woman was arrested? I guess it is noteworthy in this case because too often, men in positions like this ARE arrested, too.

Firemen were called to extinguish the bathroom blaze while Mangum, Walker, and three children were evacuated from their Lincoln Street residence.

Yes, three children were there. Lovely.

Mangum...was charged with a variety of crimes, including attempted murder, arson, simple assault, communicating threats, resisting arrest, and child endangerment.

Somewhere out there, there is a nice lady wondering why she can't get a date, while some guys will take up with a woman like this. Does this guy have a job?

A Durham Police Department arrest report notes that Mangum had not consumed drugs or alcohol before the 11:30 PM incident, and that she has a Mickey Mouse tattoo on her left arm and a Smurfs tattoo on her right leg.

No drugs or booze? Her defense lawyer will likely choose one or more of the following defenses: 1. It was self defense; 2. She's got a hormone condition; 3. This is PTSD from being raped/battered/having a bad childhood.

In 2006, Mangum, then working as an exotic dancer, claimed that she was sexually assaulted while performing at the Duke lacrosse party. Rape charges against three athletes were eventually dismissed when the North Carolina attorney general determined that there was insufficient evidence to back Mangum's claims.

That's an awfully light version of the story. The AG was thoroughly disgraced based on the lack of evidence and what was done to the players.

This story says she's 33. It also says...

Police charged her with attempted first-degree murder, five counts of arson, assault and battery, communicating threats, three counts of misdemeanor child abuse, injury to personal property, identity theft and resisting a public officer.

How long before she gets a reality show?

The three children inside the house, ages 3, 9 and 10, were not injured.

I wonder how many of those, if any, are Walker's?

If she's this nuts and hotheaded, she must be great in bed. But no guy should get near her ever again. The false rape allegations should have been enough. But this is also more than enough by itself. What are the odds Walker stays with her? High, I'd say, if she manages to get the charges reduced and doesn't have to serve a lot of time.

Into the Woods - Part 2

Let's get my disclaimer out of the way.

Adultery is wrong. WRONG WRONG WRONG. Even if your wife has broken the marital vows (which involve more than sexual fidelity), even if she is a refuser, even if she says it is okay. Men should not marry a woman and make babies with her unless he can stay faithful.

In this case, we don't know what's going in Tiger Woods' marriage. His wife could be superwife. She could be a nightmare. If she is a nightmare, then we can have a little more understanding for Woods, but we still should condemn adultery.

Based on the reports, it sounds like she committed some serious domestic violence against him. Guess what? Adultery does not justify domestic violence, even if you're still hormonal from having given birth. We, as a society, joke about and even applaud a wife assaulting her husband because he committed adultery. But how would we feel if the sexes were reversed? "But that's different!" Well then, so much for equality.

According to tabloid reports being widely repeated in what passes as serious news dissemination: 1) they are receiving intense marital counseling; 2) Woods has transferred a large seven-figure sum of money into an account she controls in order to get her to stay for now, and 3) she has asked to revise their pre-nup in a way that would be more favorable towards her, especially if she leaves earlier than the 10-year mark.

If that’s true...

1) I pray it is more than just "Shame on you, Tiger. Shame, shame!" Sounds like she needs anger management or some sort of domestic violence counseling. Marital counseling may not do any good, if he's simply not cut out for monogamy, or socially unable or unwilling to fend off groupies, or if he thinks the real problem here is that he chose tramps who couldn't keep their mouths shut. If he thinks he can find a would-be homewrecker who is going to keep her mouth shut about something like this, not even telling her best friend (and that he'd still be attracted to), well, he needs reality counseling.

2) What is she, a whore? If he leaves (or she kicks him out), she'll have financial security anyway. What's with the cash to keep by him? Paying a woman for her mere social presence and/or for sex is called PROSTITUTION.

3) Although I would blast him for adultery, I would also tell Tiger, if I had his ear, not to revise the pre-nup. There's a reason you have a pre-nup in the first place. If she wants to leave, let her leave and live by the conditions to which she agreed when she signed the pre-nup. Why pay an abuser even more money? Practically his whole life, from the moment he could walk, he's been practicing golf. He established himself as one of the world's best golfers before he ever met her. He's the one who goes out and travels and swings the clubs and does endorsements and talks with the media. We're not talking about high school sweethearts, where she worked to support him and pay his tuition as he went to college/graduate school. Why does she deserve any more of his earnings than she is already getting/will get?

Again, adultery is WRONG. But I wouldn't be surprised, given the two recen pregnancies and what that can do, if she got difficult to live with and had cut off the sex. Also, based on past reports about Woods and how he was raised and socialized, he probably has a lot of "issues" to deal with. It was golf, golf, golf, and a crazy, overbearing dad. He didn't even know how to approach a woman to ask her out. That should have been his wife's first clue that there was going to be trouble ahead. He could think of what he's done as "making up for lost time".

These people have two kids. They should admit to themselves and each other what they have done wrong. He should figure out how to stay faithful. She should figure out how to express her anger without violence. And they should raise their kids – together.

And women should stop throwing themselves at - or acquiescing to the advances - of married men. Even if he's rich, famous, talented, and athletic.

Finally... Tiger... just because someone puts a bunch of clams on a plate in front of you doesn't mean you should eat them. Learn these words: "I'm married. I chose to get married. I'm a father. I chose to be a father. I have an obligation to my wife and children. No."

Divorce Rings and Other Helpful Rings

As if women need another excuse to buy jewelry, a recent Dear Abby alerted me to the existence of divorce rings. Never mind that a wedding ring is meant to be a symbol of binding and endless love, hence a ring (circle). I like the idea of divorce rings. It helps a guy have a better idea right off of the bat in terms of what he’s dealing with. Before I go further, let me make it clear that I know there are decent, attractive, well-adjusted, intelligent women out there who are divorced. But almost all divorced women made a mistake in marrying the man they did. Either that, or she didn’t treat him right. Either way, it’s not a thing of which to be proud.

Also, a divorced woman is more likely to have a hostile attitude towards men, especially if she is wearing a divorce ring. Women are more likely to file for divorce than men, and divorce is more likely with each subsequent marriage - so a man who is looking for a lifelong partner should view a woman wearing a divorce ring with caution, lest he end up being the next guy to pay alimony to her.

I should at least comment on the Dear Abby letter from DIVORCING AND LOVING IT IN NORTH CAROLINA:

I am a 45-year-old woman with two daughters, ages 20 and 23. I married my high school sweetheart, "Cooper."

Sounds like you two didn’t have a lot of time to learn about yourselves and live before you married, And then, instead of bonding with each other and enjoying lots of marital lovemaking, you got pregnant at 21. That’s a lot of stress for a young couple.

I had heard rumors that Cooper had strayed from time to time, but had no evidence to back it up, and, of course, he denied it.

I went by my husband's office one day to surprise him, and his new secretary informed me that Cooper had just taken his wife to lunch at a local bistro! I went right over there and found them whispering, kissing and feeding each other. I did not make a scene.

Good for you.

When Cooper arrived home that evening, I confronted him. He tried to deny it. I called him a liar and he slapped me! (A first.) He moved out that night, and I filed for divorce.

He sounds like a real prize, treating you that. You’re probably better off without him.

The best was this:

Cooper and his parents are livid! They say I am poking fun at him and accuse me of "promoting divorce."

That’s hilarious. I’d say adultery and domestic violence promote divorce a lot more than wearing a ring.

The ring is different in design, beautiful, makes me feel good and shows my independence.

Independence, eh? Not if you are accepting alimony.

Dear Abby’s response is prettying much right on.

But let me get back to rings. How about some other rings that will be helpful? I suggest these:

“I get really bad PMS” rings.
“I have PTSD” rings.
“I have severe mental or emotional problems” rings.
“I just want you to buy my dinner and drinks for me and my friends; I’ll never sleep with you or marry you” rings.
“I’ve got kids” rings.
“I don’t use contraception effectively and even poke holes in condoms” rings.
“I’m a relentless nag” rings.
“I have huge debt and really bad credit” rings (made of tinfoil).

In all fairness, men could wear these:

“I just want sex” rings.
“I’m a compulsive liar and cheater” rings.
“I’m completely insensitive” rings.
“I’m paying child support, and if you marry me, you’ll be paying it, too” rings.
"I’m supposed to be paying child support, but I’m not” rings.
“I’m not really sure how many kids I have running around out there” rings.
“My career will always come first” rings.

Actually, this reminds of an idea I have for “I’m Still a Bachelor” parties, where men can get together to celebrate one of their friends who has never married. But that’s for another time.

Leveling the Playing Field: Domestic Violence Response

This entry is part of a series.

The introduction is here.

The first two suggestions are here, on paternity determinations, are here.

Suggestions three and four, dealing with child support, are here.

Suggestions five and six, dealing with pre-nups and alimony, are here.

7. Domestic violence response equality. We can’t ignore or dismiss domestic violence against men (perpetrated by women) anymore. If women have shelters, men should have shelters. If a woman assaults a man, she should be arrested, just as a man should be if he assaults a woman. When the police respond to a domestic disturbance call and they determine a man and woman assaulted each other, BOTH should be removed. Domestic violence is NOT okay, even if you have a vagina or PMS

I'll be posting my suggestions at some other time for how men can protect themselves in the current culture, since the seven suggestions I have offered in this series for making things more equal under the law are unlikely to be implemented any time soon.