A Common Red Flag When Considering Marriage

A tweet by Brad Wilcox:

New "research by Stanley & Rhoades [indicates...] men & women who cohabited w 2+ partners prior to marriage were 60% more likely to end up seeing their marriage end in divorce or separation"

Well, there you have it guys. Have you shacked up with at least two women, including your current girlfriend/fiancee? Has she? If either of you have, you have another reason to avoid marrying. Your marriage would be doomed!

Sure, the tweet and the report behind it are intended to try to get people who haven't shacked up yet not to do so. But we can still apply it to people who have, who should use the information to avert disaster. DO NOT MARRY!

Wilcox had a whole article about this.

A Lack of Marriageable Women

Dr. Laura says everyone wants to be married, or at least be with someone, and in her world, that's the same thing. Something is wrong with people who don't. But she also has said the qualities a woman must have to be marriageable and has chastised men for marrying women who don't have these qualities.

This will especially help you if you call her up and she wants to know why you're not married, or not marrying the latest woman in your life.

These things disqualify a woman from being wife material according to Dr. Laura.

Out of the Age Range - If she is 27 or under, she's automatically not wife material yet. If she's more than ten years or more younger (or older... probably fewer years older) than you, she's out of the age range. A woman who is over 40 should not be having children.This will eliminate literally most women.

Has Minor Children - Single mothers, divorced mothers, and almost as much when it comes to widowed mothers, are to raise their children, who've already suffered a loss or a broken home. They shouldn't bring their new lovers around their children, and that precludes marriage until the children are grown. Many women 28 or older have children (though fewer than in the past). This will eliminate another significant percentage of women from consideration.

Red Flags

I generally advise against marrying, shacking up, or getting into exclusive relationships. But if you're going to do any of those things, especially if you're going to have children with a woman, there are some red flags to look out for if you insist on doing these things with a woman.

Basic Incompatibility. If your major goals, worldviews, lifestyles, strengths/weaknesses, or personalities are incompatible, then you're not a match, no matter how attractive you find her or other ways she impresses you. If one of you wants to have a lot of children and the other doesn't want to have any children, that's a red flag. If one of you is an atheist who is highly suspicious or dismissive of clergy and the other is a Christian who turns to a pastor when dealing with problems, that's a red flag. If one of you wants to live in a high rise in a big city and the other one wants to live on a farm with no town center in sight, that's a problem. If you both need to be the dominant person in the relationship, it ain't gonna work. If you are both disorganized or bad with money, it's a nightmare waiting to happen. You might have a wild fling, but this isn't a person with whom you should make babies, or live, or marry, or pledge exclusivity. You might not think religion matters that much, but it becomes much more important when you have kids, or at least when you share a residence and finances and are legally responsible for each other. Also, don't think you can give up your goals and be happy about it.

Note that the above are determined by who you are and what you need and want. The below are generally applicable regardless of who you are.

She Has Minor Children. Nope, nope, nope!!!

She's a Coworker or Working in the Same Company, Location, Profession, or Industry. It is FAR too risky for man to even compliment a woman under these circumstances. Even if she won't file allegations of sexual harassment, discrimination, or worse, someone else could merely because they heard or saw you together. A bad breakup will mess up your career. Do not date any woman with a nexus to your job.

Men You Shouldn't Marry

This post is directed at women. 

I've written a lot here about women men shouldn't marry. But how about men that women shouldn't marry?

I've gathered these from women in general, media by and directed at women, and marriage advocates of both sexes, including Dr. Laura. Plus, as a man, I know how men can be, so I figure I should warn you.

Most of these are reason enough individually to NOT marry him, but if more than one describes him, that's even worse! In no particular order:

1. You're not strongly attracted to him. If he doesn't make you tingle and make you weak in the knees, you can't marry him. It wouldn't be fair to him and you're not going to be happy for very long.

2. He's younger than 28, or older than 40 and has never been married, or more than 10 years older than you, or more than a few years younger than you. If he's younger than 28, he's too young and immature to marry. If he's 41 or older and has never been married, he doesn't really want to be married or there is something else terribly wrong with him. If he's 11 or more years older than you, he just wants a young hardbody he can manipulate. If he's more than a few years younger than you, he wants a Mommy, not a wife.

3. He's proposed in less than 24 months. He's not taking marriage seriously. He doesn't know you and you don't know him. He's desperate.

4. He wants a prenup. That means he's planning to leave you.

5. He asks you about your sexual past. He's an insecure, misogynistic pervert.
 
6. He's not an Alpha Male. You need a stoic REAL MAN who takes charge, can handle himself, and handles business, not some wimpy guy whining about his feelings.

7. He's a Momma's Boy. You don't want a guy who cares so much what his mother thinks and is always catering to her, especially if he's lived with her after turning 18.

8. He has a family member in his life who is trouble. He should have distanced himself from any problematic family member.

9. He flirts with other women, like waitresses, receptionists, etc. Smiling at these women, looking them in the eye, joking with them, laughing at their jokes... who needs that?!? You should be the only woman to whom he looks.

10. He's not established in his career and making a lot of money. You can't build a marriage, let alone a family, with a guy who is still trying to figure out what he's going to be when he grows up, who needs to relocate, who is still getting an education.

11. He earns less than you. Why do you need that? You want a man who will take care of you. Plus, it isn't good for his ego.

12. He doesn't have at least as much education as you. You deserve a husband who has at least as much education as you, not some loafer who can't finish anything.

13. He's too focused on work. If he works long hours, or doesn't make it home to have dinner with you, or is texting/calling/emailing his boss, coworkers, or subordinates when he's with you, then he's neglectful and his priorities are screwed up.

14. He's plays video games. Why would he do such a childish thing when he could be watching The Bachelor with you?

15. He has a Facebook account. Did you know people survived for thousands of years without Facebook? A guy shouldn't be on Facebook.

16. He doesn't ask you what you want. He should be seeking your happiness, not being self-centered. 

17. He doesn't share his feelings. If he's not going to open up to you and be vulnerable, you can't have a real relationship.

18. He doesn't discuss things with you. If he's not willing to discuss anything and everything with you, then you can't have a real relationship.

19. He has shacked up. This means he's OK with mistreating and using women and doesn't value marriage.

20. He wont tell you about his sexual past. He's hiding something and has hang-ups, and probably erectile dysfunction. He's quite possibly gay. He's definitely had way too many sex partners. 

21. He's viewed porn. This means he's OK with sex trafficking, objectifying, abusing, and raping women and probably kids as well. He's not going to be satisfied with a real woman. Porn melts brains and turns men into serial killers. It's a public health crisis. Most importantly, his eyes should only be for you.

22. He's divorced. Second marriages have a 70-percent divorce rate, and he probably can't keep a woman happy.

23. He's a widower. A real man protects and takes care of his wife. Fail. 

24. He's had sex. If he's had sex outside of marriage, then he's OK with having sex outside of marriage, which means he's more likely to cheat on you. If he's only had sex inside of marriage, it means he's either divorced or a widower, which we already covered. 

25. He has kids. Maybe he had them within marriage, but remember, he shouldn't have had prior marriages. And if he had them outside of marriage, he's more likely to have them outside of YOUR marriage! And if those kids are minors, he should be focused on raising them, not bringing a stepmother into their life. He's going to choose them over you, and if he doesn't he should!

26. He neglects his mother. If he neglects her, he'll neglect you. A man who isn't warm and doting on his mother won't dote on you.

27. He's an only child. He doesn't have any siblings to babysit your children or provide other support. He's used to getting his way and doesn't understand sibling dynamics or what it is like to live with kids. The burden of caring for his parents will fall solely on him.

28. He's never dated a woman with kids. He doesn't like kids! He's unable or unwilling to step up and be a real man and take on a paternal role. He's selfish. He's not attracted to women who've had kids, which will doom your relationship.

29. He abandoned a kid of an ex. He's cold-hearted and doesn't care about children if he didn't keep being a paternal figure to the child of an ex.

30. He's lived on his own for many years. He's used to having his own way. How is he going to live with you?

31. He asks you what you want. He should know already! Why is he adding to your emotional labor???

32. He had a girlfriend or crush when he was in high school or younger. That means he's attracted to minors, which makes him a pedophile. You can verify this whether or not he's admitted to having such a crush by showing him a picture of a model who is 17 years and 11 months old. Don't tell him her age. Ask if he thinks she's pretty. If he says yes, he's a pedophile. 

33. He has the kids of ex girlfriends in his life. That's going to confuse any kids you have with him and take away time and possibly money from them. What's worse is that it will keep him in touch with his ex girlfriend.

34. He compliments you on your appearance. This means that he's a misogynist who objectifies you. 

35. He's cold to waitresses, receptionists, etc. and will barely look at them. If that's the way he treats them, that's the way he will eventually treat you. He's not a good person.

36. He hasn't had sex. Something must be wrong with him and he's not desired by other women. If they don't want him, you shouldn't either. 

37. He argues with you. He should respect your opinion enough to defer to you, not cause you stress.

38. He yells. This is abuse and will lead to you being battered.  

39. It's been 30 months and he hasn't proposed. Leave. He's wasting your time. Do not accept a proposal from him, because he wouldn't be proposing because he really wants you, just because you decided to leave.  

This isn't an exhaustive list, such as a criminal record, substance abuse, and him not being at least a few inches taller than you.

Don't settle, ladies!!! Refuse to marry or live with a man who is beneath you!!!

Marriage Material Men

A New Disqualifier For Wife Material

If you're a guy who is getting pressure to "settle down and marry" from anyone, I've previously told you how to get people off of your back by pointing out that there is no compatible woman for you who is wife material. Although you can eliminate all women already, there's now another disqualifier that will come in handy:

A woman can't be your wife and the mother of your children if she has nudes or sex videos out there. 

This will eliminate most women. Thanks to smart phones, most women in your "acceptable" age range for a wife have those out there. Either she has sent them to at least one person or someone else took such pictures or videos. Either way, once it is out there, it will never go away and it will always exist. Your kids might see them.

I picked this up from Dr. Laura. She warns young women and girls that good guys won't want them if they are sending such pics and videos, and let's prove Dr. Laura right!

"But shouldn't people be forgiven of their past?" Sure. But this isn't about forgiveness. It is about the environment created for your potential marriage and family created by something that will never go away. You have every right to say you don't want a wife who has nudes or sex videos out there. Just like women are free to declare they will never date a guy who watches porn. Standards are good things, right?

Honestly, I wouldn't give a crap if my wife had such media out there. Actually, if she had ever been that sexually adventurous things might be better. And you might not care either. But the important thing is that it is another valid way for you to continue to avoid marriage, so you can pretend to care.

Very, very few women are wife material.

Very few or none of them are compatible with you.

So don't marry.

Many Flags Waving in the Wind

It seems rather simple to me. “Stuck” wrote in to Dear Margo:

I've been dating a wonderful man for nine months. We enjoy a variety of activities and generally have a lot of fun together. However, as I approach my 31st birthday, I find myself thinking in terms of the big picture.

Tick-tock.

I've always thought I would like to have children, but I would prefer not to have them close to my 40s. Although my boyfriend has never specifically stated that he does or does not want children,

Strike one.

we have some differences - approaches to managing money, for one,

Strike two.

and I like to travel, while he does not.

Strike three! He's OUT! (Actually, here's a likely translation of this "Woman" into English: "I like men to pay for me to take vacations. He's not falling for it.")

To date, he has not been able to say the "L" word, and from what I understand, this may be a lingering effect of his past relationship.

It's only been nine months. That isn't too long for him to wait, though you’ve probably been having sex for what, eight months?

I'm not sure what to do.

Date other men. Only see this guy if you have nobody more compatible to see and nothing else to do.

I feel ready to start thinking about settling down and having children in the near future, but I have no idea whether my boyfriend will be at that point anytime soon.

Don't bet on it.

Should I "go with the flow" for now and enjoy what we have, or discuss my thoughts?

Go with the flow if you value sex with him more than you value getting married, having kids, and traveling. Although travelling will likely be reduced if you have kids, at least until they are older, because it is such a gigantic pain in the behind to travel with young kids.

Dear Margo responded:

Why don't you ask him what his thoughts are?

Waste of time. If he really wanted kids, he would have brought up the subject already. Don't give her hope that talking about it is really going to change him. At "best" he'll agree to whatever she wants because he likes her company and doesn't want to go through the trouble of finding another woman who will have sex with him (even though it really isn't much trouble at all). Then, she'll get pregnant and he'll make her life miserable or he'll leave.

She should find someone more compatible with her who is prepared to get married.

Dagum It! Mangum It!

Look who is back in the news! Yes, it is Crystal Mangum, the woman I previously wrote about here. She's still auditioning for a show on E!, apparently.

Authorities say former Duke Lacrosse accuser Crystal Mangum was arrested overnight Sunday for allegedly stabbing her boyfriend in the chest.

Authorities say around 3 a.m., officers responded to a stabbing at a home in the 3000 block of Century Oaks Drive.

When police arrived, they found a 46-year-old man stabbed in the chest.

The man suffered serious injuries and was taken to Duke University Hospital for treatment.

Three in the morning. You'd think a 46-year-old man would know better than to be with this woman. Apparently not.

Investigators say the victim is Mangum's boyfriend and say they believe the stabbing occurred during an argument at the apartment the couple shared.

Shacking up!

A man who claims he's the victim's cousin says Mangum and the victim had a brief relationship.

Not brief enough to keep them from shacking up. This is how brief the relationship should've been:

Guy: "Crystal's a pretty name. What's your last name?”
Mangum: "Mangum"
Guy: [Googles "Crystal Mangum" on his phone.] [Pause] [Starts to run.] "See ya!"

"I mean he was excited," said the man. "He was like, 'man, guess who I'm dating now.' He was excited, but I told him 'man, you know her background, be careful, you know what I mean.'"

She has minor kids. She was charged with attempted murder. She lamely accused the Duke Lacrosse players of rape. She was a stripper. Anyone one of those alone should have been a big enough red flag, but this guy thought it would be exciting to shack up with her. If you need that kind of excitement, how about jumping out of an airplane without checking your parachute first?

Mangum, 32, was later arrested at a nearby apartment and charged with assault with a deadly weapon with intent to kill inflicting serious injury.

Nearby apartment? Was she moving on to the next in line?

After the debacle of her allegations against the Duke players:

Mangum went into hiding, then graduated from NCCU in 2008 with a degree in police psychology.

Has NCCU invited her back to speak?

Later that year she released a memoir, "The Last Dance for Grace: The Crystal Mangum Story".

Then last year, Mangum was arrested and charged with attempted murder, arson and child abuse after a domestic dispute with her ex-boyfriend - a different man than the person involved in the incident Sunday.

In December, the jury found Mangum guilty of child abuse, but they couldn't agree on a first-degree felony arson charge, which could have landed Mangum in jail for seven years.

Can we pair her with Charlie Sheen?

Some of these comments below are good.

"benis.magee" 4/3/11 10:10 PM EDT:

I feel sorry for her kids and all of their fathers.

Those poor kids. I pray someone with decent parental skills and a stable home gets custody. Shame on the guys who have knocked this woman up.

"Simplemind2" 4/4/11 6:55 AM EDT

I guess Ms. Crystal Mangum's "Last Dance for Grace" is not that graceful after all.

"coffeecan" 4/4/11 10:24 AM EDT:

Thank God that the parents of the lacrosse players had backbones and money to fight the false charges.

I'll write it again... false rape allegations made things harder for actual rape victims.

UPDATE: The apparent victim has died.

Wanting the Wedding, Not the Marriage

You've probably heard by now that Dr. Laura is taking her program to subscription satellite radio and planning to make some changes to it. It should be interesting as she feels less pressure to be politically correct.

Anyway, I have subscribed to her website and so I get to download every second of her show – at leat what they want to put online. Her infamous n-word call (for which she has duly apologized) didn't make it to the website. But that kind of editing is rare.

Because I hear every call, I got to hear the one she wrote about in this blog entry, "Girlfriends Compete Over Wedding Days".

Well, my caller told me she was engaged and planning a wedding, and her friend is also engaged and planning a wedding....and the friend's wedding is happening sooner than hers.

"SHE STOLE MY THUNDER," my caller said.

What? The triviality with which this young woman saw "friendship" and "marital vows" was astounding. I gasped and said that her friend's wedding - nor any other event in the world - could steal any thunder, as it was not about thunder. It was about lifelong vows in front of God, family and community to love, honor, and cherish 'til death do you part.

Too many people, women especially, want the wedding. They don't think enough about the marriage, nor do all of them really want a marriage.

She hung up on me.

I don't blame her. I was hoping she was ferociously ashamed of using a man who loved her with vows of love, loyalty and fidelity as a "win" over a girlfriend. Yeesh!

My heart goes out to this guy, who will probably have to get her pregnant before her friend and get the new car and house before her friend does. He won't be measured by his character and warmth -- he'll be measured by how much and how fast he gets her to trump her "friend."

Yeah, it's rather scary. Hopefully, he or someone he knew heard the call or he’s seeing the red flags. Getting married is one of the biggest decisions anyone can make, and it is personally catastrophic if you marry the wrong person. Who knows how much money this guy is or his parents are spending on the wedding? How much alimony will she get when she divorces him? And more importantly, what will it do to him emotionally? Hopefully, she will mature and change her attitude before they have any kids.

My wife's sister was engaged to be married before we were engaged, but we had our wedding before she had her wedding. We didn't tell them to have a long engagement, which they did, but we did have what I would consider a short engagement. My wife was a virgin when we married, and her sister was shacking up with her man. Those facts probably had something to do with the length of the engagements and timing of the weddings. It was a bit of an issue with her sister (who is younger) that we got married first, but nothing along the lines of the caller.

Let It Go, or Nip it in the Bud?

Married Man Sex Life brought up what he calls the "Second Date Rule". It applies to what you should do if your wife does something that is bad or is something you dislike.

If what she just did happened on the second date, would there have been a third date? If the answer is "no", it's probably best to say something about it and not just suck it up for the rest of your marriage. The behavior will likely continue without it being addressed.

My father had what he called the "second wife" rule. He saw all of these guys putting up with things in their second marriages that they wouldn't have - or didn't – put up with in their first marriage. So when my mother did something he didn't like, he'd ask himself, "If this was my second marriage, would I let this slide?"

Of course, he left my mother (or she threw him out, depending on who you ask) and claims to have "blocked out" much of his memory of that marriage and is now married to his second (and hopefully last) wife. So I guess the "second wife" rule may not work. But the "second date" rule just might.

This is one of my big problems, and I seem to have inherited it from my father. I tell myself, "I'm okay", and maybe I am. My first reaction to my wife doing something I don't like is "Can I fix this in my head?" Or, even when my wife (and it happened with girlfriends, too) asks, "It that okay?" my first reaction is to say "Yes" when I should think about it more.

The problem comes in when whatever the bad/annoying/inconvenient/dislikable/tedious/uncomfortable thing isn't a one-time thing, and happens many more times, even regularly, or turns out to be part of a larger pattern. Perhaps "I'm okay" has turned into "I can live with this" – but I really can't. The longer it goes or the more it happens, the more frustration or resentment or discomfort will build up until it explodes, surprising the other person who thought I could handle it. This kind of thing contributed to the demise of my parents' marriage because that is what my dad did, and my mother couldn't figure out why he "suddenly" had a problem with X, Y, or Z. So she chalked it up to him simply not wanting to be married anymore and looked at his legitimate issues as excuses to cover a determination to divorce.

So, a rule I have tried to use has been "Even if I can handle this for now this one time, could I handle it if it happens again? How about if it happens many "agains"? When I manage to do this, I might tell my wife, "That's okay this time, but I don't want this to become a habit."

I don't think there's a major gripe I have with my wife that I haven't covered in this blog. I think I've brought them all up, in varying levels of detail. And while I will not minimize the problems we do have, overall, things are good. We don't fight much. I enjoy coming home to her. I trust her. She's my partner and ally, not a competitor or saboteur. Of course, we would have more fights if I brought up everything I've griped about on this blog. Maybe I should bring up more of those things and endure some friction now instead of an explosion later.

Do you have a "rule" that helps in deciding what's worth bringing up?

Don't Marry a Druggie

This Dear Margo column is titled "Women Are Not Reform Schools". Best. Title. EVER! Well, not really. But it is a very good thing to remember.

Need Hugs, Not Drugs wrote:

I married a good man less than a year ago, knowing that he had drug and alcohol problems.

BZZZT! We’re done! This is a red flag that most people claim not to see, because they realize how stupid it is to marry someone knowing they have this problem.

These issues mostly stem from the fact that he self-medicates his severe anxiety, but they are also unfortunately prevalent in his No. 1 hobby (music), so they are around him all the time.

None of that excuses it. It should have ADDED to your reason to RUN to the nearest exit.

Although this situation has improved drastically since we first met, the fact is that it’s still an issue.

Look, I love vaginas. I love my wife's most of all (and it is the only one I love nowadays), and I fully expect it is the last vagina I will ever enjoy. But your vagina is not magical. You see improvement and think it is your doing. It is his responsibility, and you should not have taken it on, and you should not keep it on your back.

I want a family, and I'm getting tired of this being a problem.

NO! PLEASE NO!!! Do not subject a kid to this situation. You should have been tired of this problem a long time ago. You signed up for this!

Is it fair to give him a "me or the drugs" ultimatum if I knew he was this way when I married him?

You made a mistake in marrying him. Here are your reasonable options:

1) Leave him. No ultimatum. Simply tell him you made a mistake and you can't be married to a substance abusers. It is up to him to get clean or not, but I wouldn't wait around to see if he really does get clean. Move on with your life.

2) Get your tubes tied and stay with him and do not whine or nag about his substance abuse.

Dear Margo doesn't tell her to leave. She recommends counseling, essentially. Waste of time.

Here’s a Clueless Woman

This woman is being played like a fiddle. "Down in the Dumps" wrote in to Dear Margo:

I’m a 45-year-old professional woman who’s been with a really great guy for nine months. He broke up with his girlfriend of five years to be with me.

That’s interesting. How did that happen, unless he started seeing you behind her back?

He’s kind and thoughtful (takes my shoes off after a hard day, brings me coffee in bed in the morning, spoils my dog), sweet, loving and very sexual.

How does he do all of that, given you aren’t married and not living together... right?

He has his place, and I have mine.

As it should be when you are dating. I guess he must have a key to your place?

We make plans to see each other two or three times a week, but he cancels or just doesn’t show up at least half the time.

Very interesting.

He makes no excuses, doesn’t apologize and gives no details.

He's got game.

I honestly don’t think he’s cheating.

Well of course he's not cheating. He's not committed to anyone, so how could be he cheating even if he's having sex with a bunch of women?

We have spoken about this issue many times, yet I find myself sitting at home in my bathing suit: We’d made plans to go to the beach, but he went to an amusement park with his buddies.

It works for him. He gets to keep having sex with you, and still do everything else he wants.

I've never met his buddies, except for two, or been invited to any of his functions.

Sounds like Leykis 101 student, although she does fall out of the target age range for his students who are out of their early 20s.

He says a lot of his friends are in his ex-girlfriend’s circle and he wants to give it time before he brings someone in.

Oh, that's a good one.

I’m at the point where he makes plans with me and I expect them to be broken.

He's got you well trained. Do you ever actually go out with him? Or are you just a booty call?

I hate feeling this way.

And yet you enable it.

One last thing: He was in a very bad accident 10 years ago. He had a traumatic brain injury and says it affects his relationships and thought processes.

Oh man, that's another good one. Let's assume it is true. So what? Do you want to put up with this for the rest of your life? If it is a lie, it certainly is a useful one. He gets an excuse for everything and gets sympathy.

What’s the big picture that I’m not seeing?

You're one of his sex toys.

Dear Margo pretty much agreed. She points out that he could be married.

As long as women put up with this, there will be guys who do it. It really doesn't matter to the guys whether or not these women have graduate degrees or not, what kind of money they make, or anything like that. All they care about is that the woman will continue to have sex with them without being too much trouble (including asking "too much" of them).

Easy-To-Spot Red Flags

Some people are afraid of "losing" time they have invested in pursuit of someone else. But in some cases, there are easy-to-spot red flags that can save you a lot of time, money, energy, and emotion.

Some red flags are easier to spot than others. Some red flags are really more like yellow flags - you should talk over with your love interest – perhaps there's a misperception, or a temporary one-time condition that will soon be alleviated. Other red flags mean you should avoid that person, or at least avoid committing to that person – but then some of you aren't looking for commitment in the first place, so some of the red flags are going to be different.

Here are some easy-to-spot red flags.

Red Flag: What's in the Mail? You can tell a lot - good and bad - by what mail she has sitting around out in the open. Past-due bills? Catalogues from high-end stores? Parking/traffic tickets? Court/legal documents? Stuff from political/religious/nonprofit groups that have priorities incompatible with yours? N.O.W.?

Red Flag: This is kind of a subset of the one above. She subscribes to or regularly purchases wedding/bridal magazines. If you're looking for a wife, you might mistake this for a good thing, because you think it means she is marriage-minded. However, all these magazines indicate is that she is wedding minded. There's a huge difference. These magazines feed the idea that the wedding is all about her – not the two of you joining together before God. While these magazines may offer some money-saving tips, they rely on advertising – advertising from businesses that depend on you spending as much on your wedding and related festivities as possible. There is an exception to this red flag: She has a job that is related to weddings/wedding planning.

Red Flag: She kisses the dog. The bad news with this one is that by the time you see her do this, you have likely swapped germs with her – and thus, Fido, too. You may have heard that the mouth of dogs are "cleaner" than the mouths of humans. Even if that was true, they carry some different germs – germs you don’t need. Dogs stick their noses in iffy places. They lick themselves. The other day, my own dog (the dog came with my wife) ate some human feces (long story). One of the chicks on this season of "The Bachelor" lets her dog lick her lips. No thanks.

Red Flag: She has more than two cats. Isn't this one self explanatory? If not, just trust me on this one.

Red Flag: She always orders the most expensive things on the menu, but never makes a credible move to pay or split the cost. She sees you as an ATM. Exception: She lives in father or brother's house and doesn't really earn her own income, seeing has how she's always working in the family store or taking care of her nieces, nephews, or younger siblings/cousins and doing household chores. Still, she should at least refrain from always ordering the most expensive item.

Red Flag: You walk out of a restaurant where you had free soft drink refills and she requests driving through the fast food lane across the parking lot because she wants to order a soft drink. One of my ex-girlfriends did this. Plus, I don’t think there was a meal she ordered that she didn't send back for one reason or another. She had "issues". I had "issues", too, as evidenced by the fact that I kept seeing her as long as I did.

Red Flag: She drives a car that is beyond her means. Either she got some poor sucker to buy it for her, or she is paying high monthly payments on it, which means YOU will be paying for it. Exception: She won it on a game show.

Red Flag: Bad or hyper gag reflex. This is only a problem if you like receiving oral sex.

Red Flag: Her female relatives, especially the ones who are married/older, are all dumpy/fat. You can tell by the pictures she has on display. This indicates that your wedding cake will kick off a weight-gain cycle. Exception: You like that idea.

Red Flag: She has no female friends - all her friends are male. Most of those guys want into her pants. The ones who really are gay will likely be cutting you down behind your back. Yes, women can be difficult. But if she can't develop a friendship with at least one female outside of her family, it isn't a good sign.

Red Flag: Her place is a mess. Look, she knew you (or somebody else) was going to be back at her place that evening. She straightened up her place as much as she could with the time she had. If her place is a mess, your place together will be a bigger mess – unless you are fine with picking up after her as well as yourself. I'm not talking about the place being lived in. I'm talking about the place being a mess, dirty, dusty, or unsanitary.

So – what other easy-to-spot red flags can you name? They don't have to be universal. They could just be red flags for you. Ladies - can you think of some you'd tell your brothers or sons?