tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-39173942024-03-19T01:47:52.208-07:00Everything Must Go!A look at the world from a sometimes sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek, decidedly American male perspective. Lately, this blog has been mostly about gender issues, dating, marriage, divorce, sex, and parenting via analyzing talk radio, advice columns, news stories, religion, and pop culture in general. I often challenge common platitudes, arguments. and subcultural elements perpetuated by fellow Evangelicals, social conservatives. Read at your own risk.Kenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06136254628511801417noreply@blogger.comBlogger1413125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917394.post-85749506949304047842024-03-18T08:08:00.000-07:002024-03-18T08:08:35.383-07:00The Costs of Raising a Child<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<img alt="Money Clipart Jpg | Clipart library - Free Clipart Images" height="159" src="http://clipart-library.com/images/LTdjLbbKc.png" width="200" /><br />Every once in a while, the news will report on the costs of raising a child, according to the United States Department of Agriculture. My guess is that the USDA does these reports not because children are considered livestock, but to justify welfare programs that ensure food producers get taxpayer money and then the government has programs to feed children.<br />
<br />
Some marriage-and-family advocates (the people who try to get everyone to marry and pop out babies) scoff at reports that it costs $250,000 (or even up to $400,000) to raise a child.<br />
<br />
But those numbers do not surprise me. Children are very expensive.<br />
<br />
Of course we're not supposed to talk that way. "Children are a blessing!" and "How can you put a price on a child?"<br />
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But that doesn't change the fact that <i><b>it costs money to raise children</b></i>.<br />
<br />
Here are some official links that explain how the costs of raising a child are determined:<br />
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<a href="https://www.usda.gov/media/blog/2017/01/13/cost-raising-child" target="_blank">https://www.usda.gov/media/blog/2017/01/13/cost-raising-child</a><br />
<br />
<a href="https://www.cnpp.usda.gov/sites/default/files/crc2015.pdf" target="_blank">https://www.cnpp.usda.gov/sites/default/files/crc2015.pdf</a><br />
<br />
And here's Wikipedia, which makes it fairly easy to see the basic breakdown:<br />
<br />
<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cost_of_raising_a_child" target="_blank">https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cost_of_raising_a_child</a><br />
<br />
<br />
Let's be generous to people who try to minimize the costs of raising a child. We'll assume that you won't need fertility treatments, IVF, to adopt, or anything else of that sort, all of which can be very expensive, as it can be if your child has special needs, and they won't assault other kids, or destroy the property of others, all of which can cost hundreds of thousands of dollars.<br />
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<u><b>Let's go over the costs that everyone is going to have when raising a child. </b></u><br />
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<a name='more'></a><br />
<b>Housing</b> - If you have a child, just one, you're going to need a bigger residence than you'd otherwise have. What does another bedroom add to the cost of rent? What does it add to the cost of buying a home, especially if it is done through a mortgage? Don't forget that you'll have higher <b>utility costs</b>, too. I think Wikipedia is FAR underestimating how much this costs.<br />
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<b>Food</b> - Even if <b><u><i>all</i></u></b> of the food your child eats is at or from home, you're talking about <b>at least $30-40,000</b>.<br />
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Then there's...<br />
<br />
<b>Clothing</b><br />
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<b>Regular Transportation</b> - vehicles, fare, gas, car seat, etc.<br />
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<b>Health Care</b> - general, mental, vision, dental, including insurance, co-pays, deductibles, medications, etc. etc.<br />
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<b>Education/Child Care</b> - Wikipedia is lowballing that big-time. Sure, that might what it is if you use public schools, unpaid tutors, and free family babysitters, but let's be realistic. Private schooling can easily be into the <i>five figures</i> EVERY YEAR from age five through 18.<br />
<br />
Then Wikipedia has "Misc", which is way too low, considering it apparently has to include things like: <br />
<br />
<b>Furniture </b>- crib, bed, dresser, etc.<br />
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<b>Travel/Vacations</b> - Your children, at least for most of their childhood, are going to need their own seats on airplanes, buses, trains, etc. So if your roundtrip flight costs $400, for you and your spouse it would be $800. Adding just one child makes it $1,200.You'll need bigger <b>motel/hotel rooms</b>, or an extra room.<br />
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<b>Activities</b> - Sports, clubs, music, camps, etc.<br />
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<b>Entertainment</b> - And not just entertainment for them. Entertainment for their friends, too. Toys, birthday parties (have you seen the parties kids now have?), holidays, costumes, gifts, movies, theme parks, on and on it goes.<br />
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<b>Endless Little Costs </b>- Toiletries, for example. There are a million little things you don't even think about. What if your child wants a pet??? Want to have your child professionally photographed?<br />
<br />
Yeah, so it's easily $250,000.<br />
<br />
<b>But WAIT! There's MORE!!!</b><br />
<br />
<b>There's
prenatal care. </b>Driving to appointments, waiting around for
appointments, hoping the doctor doesn't get pulled away for a delivery,
vitamins and medicines. Maternity clothes. <i>And this is without
complications.</i><br />
<br />
Then there's the delivery. <br />
<br />
Kids break things, lose things, wear things out.<br />
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Do you want to save up for or pay for your child's college education? That's tens of thousands of dollars at least! What about if your child gets married??? Are you going to pay any of the costs for that?<br />
<br />
<br />
<u><b>But What About...?</b></u><br />
<br />
Now, people will say a lot of things are not necessary. They will say things like:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>"We didn't have much when we were kids, but we had love! You can have a one-bedroom place and sleep in the main room on a couch that converts to a bed, and
your kids can stay in the bedroom. And you can drive an old car. And you
can buy clothes at a thrift store. And you can have simple birthday
observances or become Jehovah's Witnesses. And you can homeschool. And... and.. and..." </i></blockquote>
Is that the way you really want to live? Constantly struggling and unable to do nice things or travel? And rich or poor, you might have to deal with "child protective services", but it is more likely if you're poor.<br />
<br />
Yeah, hugs from your kids are great. They're wonderful. But your kid can turn out to be a serial killer. And if you think your kids are going to take good care of you when you're old, you're either going to be unfairly imposing on them or you obviously haven't been to a convalescent home where plenty of people who raised children are never or seldom visited.<br />
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It's also not just the hard expenses of raising a child. The $1,000 you spend on an expense for your child when they are, say, six, could have been invested and yielded you many thousands of dollars for your retirement.<br />
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<b>For guys, the biggest expense of being a father is having a wife.</b> A wife is legally entitled to half of your earnings, at least where I live. And then there's paying for two legal teams for a divorce, paying alimony, "child" support (which can run well into their 20s) and going back to court over and over again for disputes about custody, visitation, alimony, and child support. It also costs a lot of money to get married in the first place.</div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br /></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Finally, another cost is in freedom. Raising children restricts just about everything in your life. There are jobs/promotions you might not be able to take because of your kids.</div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br /></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Kids are costly.</div>
Kenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06136254628511801417noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917394.post-44712549341699885742024-03-16T09:17:00.000-07:002024-03-16T09:17:22.307-07:00When A Wife Rejects Her Husband<p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><img alt="Broken Heart Clipart Black And White" height="200" src="http://clipart-library.com/img/1087110.png" width="200" /><br />A lot of husbands and now-ex-husbands know the pain of a <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2022/06/how-many-other-husbands-live-like-this.html" target="_blank">sexually rejecting wife</a>. By "rejecting" I mean at least one of the following:<br /><br /><b>1. Refusing to have sex at all.</b><br /><br /><b>2. Only agreeing to sex infrequently.</b> "Infrequently" is a relative term. If they were having some form of sex every day for years and now she only agrees to sex once per week even though no changes in their life would prevent her from agreeing more frequently, that's rejection. Other husbands WISH they could get it once per week. They might get it once a month or a couple of times per year.<br /><br /><b>3. Reducing sexual options to a bare minimum.</b> This could mean rejecting acts she used to do, especially if she did them before they had kids or before they married. It could be consistently restricting sex to intercourse or manual sex even though he has told her he wants to other other common sex acts. It could be her impersonating a corpse (when she knows her husband isn't into that sort of thing). <br /><br /><b>4. Transforming her appearance and/or changing her behavior in ways that will kill his attraction.</b> Significant weight gain; shortening her hair and/or changing her hair style/color to something he doesn't like; always wearing frumpy clothes when she used to wear sexy vestments; poor grooming/hygiene; cruel, belittling, or disrespectful statements (when he isn't into that sort of thing); expressing her general dislike of sex when she previously at least pretended to enjoy it - these are all forms of rejection, make no mistake about it. </span></span></p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a name='more'></a></span></span><p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">I know sometimes man bites dog, and sometimes a husband rejects his wife. That's not what I'm addressing in this entry.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Nor am I going to default to blaming the husband. There are husbands who do "everything" right and still experience rejection from their wife. That's what I'm talking about here. <i>"Just talk with her!"</i> Sorry, that doesn't always work. Some husbands end up with "sex" with a woman who has talked in ways that make it clear he has a hostage; <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2022/03/free-men-are-morally-superior.html" target="_blank">some would liken it to marital rape</a> as she is "agreeing" to sex solely out of obligation.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b><u>What are his options?</u></b> (No, assault is NOT an option.) What are his options other than simply suffering and being mentally castrated? These are in no particular order.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>1. Masturbation</b>. It's not the same thing, but it's better than nothing. Adding erotica/porn, toys, dolls, etc. can intensify the experience, and in the not-too-distant future, <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2018/01/the-horse-is-out-of-barn-and-robot-is.html" target="_blank">toys/dolls/robots</a> are going to get sophisticated enough that the average man might have trouble distinguishing the experience from a really great sex session. That <i>really</i> bothers the ball-busters, sadists, and masochists who want men to suffer.<br /><br /><b>2. In-the-flesh sex workers.</b> An experienced professional is likely to provide physical experiences that are superior anyway, and if she is a good actress/talker, it might be emotionally superior, too. Some people have issues with this for various reasons. It's too bad the money that pays for this couldn't all come out of the wife's share.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>3. An "unauthorized" affair.</b> A girlfriend on the side or a mistress is a common solution in many cultures. No, I'm not saying every such situation is a result of a wife's rejection, just that if a wife rejects her husband, it's one way he might handle it.<br /><br /><b>4. An "authorized" girlfriend.</b> Essentially, a form of polyamory. The girlfriend might even be picked out, or at least approved of, by the wife. The wife at least gives her husband something like approval to go "outside the marriage." Maybe they "officially" open their marriage. <br /><br /><b>5. Leave.</b> Separation or divorce, and then him finding a new wife (DON'T DO THAT, guys!!!), taking on new lovers, going to sex workers, and/or masturbation without his wife around nagging. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Ladies, don't be surprised if any he chooses any of those.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Of course, the problem with leaving or doing anything that prompts her to file for separation or divorce is that his fate gets put into the family courts, where he can be screwed over.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Although some religions say the spouses belong to each other (and divorce might even be considered wrong), when it comes down to it, she gets to decide what she's going to do with her body. But if that is her attitude, she doesn't get to decide what <i>he</i> does with <i>his</i> body, and she doesn't get to decide he's never going to have sex (or a specific sex act) again.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Because men and women literally think and feel differently, most wives don't really understand what her rejection of him feels like to him and what it does to him. Some people try to equate it to "Imagine if your husband stopped talking with you and literally stopped listening to you."</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">My man, this is one of a million things you don't have to worry about and won't have to deal with if you <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/p/why-you-dont-want-to-do-that.html" target="_blank">avoid marriage</a>. If you're a <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2020/12/what-do-i-mean-by-free-men.html" target="_blank">Free Man</a>, our culture is just fine with it if you scroll through your list of contacts until you find <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2022/02/what-is-running-game.html" target="_blank">a woman who will do what you want tonight</a>. Husbands? They have to suffer. Even if you avoid fornication, at least as a Free Man you won't be losing half of your income to a woman who doesn't care for you.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Comment below if you're so inclined. Has a your girlfriend or wife rejected you? Have you rejected someone in a relationship? What happened? Tell us about it!</span></span></p>Kenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06136254628511801417noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917394.post-59688566722630904702024-03-15T16:30:00.000-07:002024-03-15T16:30:38.201-07:00Questions Expose Bad Thinking By Would Be Censors<div style="text-align: left;"><img alt="Zip mouth clipart" height="108" src="http://clipart-library.com/img1/1231284.jpg" width="200" /><br />Unfortunately, a lot of people spread the claims of crusaders who want to censor adult media or donate to them without asking <a href="https://twitter.com/TunaSafeDolphin/status/1447615242372931586" target="_blank">some very basic questions</a> about what they've said, what they're doing, and how they're doing it.<br /><br />If they say or write a bunch of words without actually answering the question, then they haven't answered the question.<br /><br />It's good to get them on record either through social media, email, text, audio, or video recording. It is good to think critically about what they say.<br /><br />When they say "Porn is [something they consider negative]." it is almost always unreasonable. The there is a very plentiful, wide variety of porn. For example, if they say "Porn is misogynist," consider how it could possibly be misogynist for, example, a video produced by women with female performers in which nobody is hurt, disrespected, or portrayed as in a negative or dismissive way.<br /><br />A common assertion is "Porn is rape." To that, I have responded:<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">A woman decides to masturbate and record it. She then sells the video. Either:</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">1) That is rape</span></span></div><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">2) That isn't porn<br />3) Your assertion isn't correct</span></span></div><br />Almost all of their assertions like that can be exposed with similar examinations or some simple questions like:<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;">What is gay porn? ("Porn objectifies women!" What is gay porn?)<br /><br />What is dominatrix porn? ("Porn is about women being abused by men." What is dominatrix porn?)<br /><br />You've seen all porn?<br /></div><br />Sometimes they will try to use numbers or supposedly scientific claims to impose what is a personal moral issue for themselves onto others. An example of that is when they say something like "79 percent of porn contains acts of aggression toward women." Really? 79 percent of <i>which</i> porn? They haven't watched all of it. Gay porn certainly doesn't have that. The inconvenient truth is that women like "aggressive" or "violent" or BDSM porn more than men. Also, one must know what they are counting as "aggression." A light slap on the butt? If these are people who have claimed that watching porn causes brain damage, how can they trust the claims of the people who watched all of that porn? And by their own claim, 21 percent of porn has no aggression in it. So that porn is OK, right? (Spoiler: they will still say it isn't.)<br /><br />It's also important to remember that apparent correlation isn't causation, and to see if there are studies that contradict the studies to which the crusaders appeal.<br /><br />Another good question to ask is why they hold adult media and adult media outlets to standards they don't apply anywhere else. An example of that is when the crusaders cite that someone uploaded illegal material to a porn site as to why a porn site must be shut down, while the crusaders are using a social media service with exponentially more illegal uploads. Or "She wouldn't do that if she wasn't being paid to do it!" That also describes most other work women do for money. "Some performers get injured." And how is that different than pro wrestling, football, or movies with stunts? If they claim that their goal is fighting rape, assault, child molestation, etc., but never apply the standards the apply to adult media to, for example, churches, then it smacks of "We want church ladies to give us money to censor porn."<br /><br />I could go on. The bottom line, no pun intended, is... think. Pay attention. Follow the money.<br /></div>Kenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06136254628511801417noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917394.post-82847003999203461382024-03-14T07:55:00.000-07:002024-03-14T07:55:29.968-07:00To Whom Does Your Body Belong?<div class="separator"><div style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><img alt="Skeleton clipart free download clip art on 2" height="200" src="https://cliparting.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Skeleton-clipart-free-download-clip-art-on-2.gif" width="98" /><br />What are the possible answers?<br /><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>God</li><li>Your church or equivalent (NOT to be confused with God)</li><li>The State (government)</li><li>Your parents</li><li>Your spouse/partner</li><li>Your children <br /></li><li>Yourself <br /></li></ul>How you answer this question will influence how you live. And while I insist most men should never marry, they should definitely not marry a woman whose answer to this question isn't the same as his. Of course, like so many things, a woman can CLAIM to think the same way he does on this, but her actions might indicate different. People in general might switch back and forth on this. <br /><br />Few people, especially those who aren't active duty military, will say that their body belongs to the state, but they often think and act like it does.<br /><br />Many conservative Christian "influencers" will say that our bodies belong to God, but God delegates them to our spouse when we marry.<br /><br />Think about this, and whether or not your actions line up with your thinking.<br /><br />If you're married, and you believe your body belongs to your spouse, do you really act that way? Does your spouse think and act like their body belongs to you?<br /></div></div>Kenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06136254628511801417noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917394.post-51043102945952166172024-03-13T07:47:00.000-07:002024-03-13T07:47:26.514-07:00There Are Rare Circumstances in Which Using Daycare Is The Best Choice<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqXTvnTl7GUZWAvuaeYxZhCDLAi4anHNJF78816f1XcuN1akvI8wqLencqWhz9V0DafDVZFCtVvaHINoVMkT2rrgTFhdPf0k9VmlsvpB5gNcxxOGr0y1zOAGMIlonR0ICxO0LLg9C55KHr2is7Jr5MxrbP7ctQeV_II8Wi1SRKVn2dmjoeb6o/s720/baby.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="694" data-original-width="720" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqXTvnTl7GUZWAvuaeYxZhCDLAi4anHNJF78816f1XcuN1akvI8wqLencqWhz9V0DafDVZFCtVvaHINoVMkT2rrgTFhdPf0k9VmlsvpB5gNcxxOGr0y1zOAGMIlonR0ICxO0LLg9C55KHr2is7Jr5MxrbP7ctQeV_II8Wi1SRKVn2dmjoeb6o/w200-h193/baby.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div style="text-align: left;">People shouldn't have children unless they are prepared to raise them. Raising them means having them with a parent until they go to Kindergarten at age five or six, then having with a parent before and after school. School doesn't end at 6pm. Dumping a kid in daycare is <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2016/11/daycare-is-almost-always-voluntary-and.html" target="_blank">almost always a result of choices</a>.<br /><br />A good daycare is, of course, better than being with an abusive parent, but even then, it would be better for the kid to be with grandparents or aunts and uncles.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Let's consider the other rare circumstances in which daycare is the best choice.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;">A) The other parent killed themselves, or abandoned the family (and there were no signs either of those was a likely possibility before making the children) and they're not paying enough support to allow the other parent to be with the kids; B) and there wasn't enough in funds or other assets and no way/time to work to avoid having to leave the children for work; C) and there's nobody else, like good, reliable grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc., to care for the child while the remaining parent is at work.<br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">For 99 percent of the kids dumped in daycare, the circumstances weren't anything like that.<br /><br />Unfortunately, there's no way to be certain the other parent is going to be around, present, and either able to care for the children well or provide enough income, for the duration of raising the children. People can <i>try</i> to set things up that way. They can try to choose wisely, treat kindly, and all of that, and have things like life insurance. They can try to only make children with someone who is already wealthy and set things up so the children will always be taken care of regardless of whether there is a death or the relationship ends. But most people aren't that wealthy, certainly not when they are 40 or younger, and there's no fail-safe way of ensuring things will work out. It's always somewhat of a gamble to have children, even for someone who tries to make the odds be in their favor as much as possible.<br /><br />You can have a great life insurance policy on your income-earning spouse, and if they commit suicide you're SOL. Maybe there was no sign they'd do that when you had kids with them, but they suffered a trauma after you had the kids and eventually they did themselves in. Or maybe the trauma leads to them abandoning the family to live on the streets, jobless.<br /><br />So, there can be circumstances in which daycare is unavoidable.<br /><br />But "We want to live here, in this house, with these investments" or "I deserve my career" aren't those circumstances.<br /><br />If you don't have children yet, think about these things very carefully.<br /></div>Kenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06136254628511801417noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917394.post-16342329658216748222024-03-12T07:25:00.000-07:002024-03-12T07:25:49.447-07:00You Don't Need a Bad State Contract to Raise Children<div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img alt="Empty nest clipart black and white" height="167" src="http://clipart-library.com/img/1826861.jpg" width="200" /></span><br />Here's what matters to children:<br /><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Being fed and clothed with a roof over their head.</li><li>Being able to play and learn. <br /></li><li>Having adults who listen to them and give them attention, comfort and care about them, protect and advocate for them more than anyone else, give them love and affection, affirm their worth as human beings.</li><li>Having people with more life experience than them, who know what it is like to grow up, helping them deal with life.<br /></li><li>A sense of belonging and stability.</li><li>Having a positive male role model who loves them.<br /></li><li>Having a positive female role model who loves them.<br /></li></ul>It doesn't hurt your children if you don't have a marriage license on file
with the county or state. It doesn't hurt them if you're not wearing
rings, you don't have wedding pictures on display in the home, and you don't celebrate a wedding anniversary.<br /><br />Those who say the bullet points above are more likely under an intact, legal marriage (and I used to be such a person) are neglecting to account for the fact that, traditionally, people who get along well with each other, want to live together, and commit to parenting were also likely to marry. It isn't that getting legally married did anything at all for the children. The main way legal marriage <b><i>might, in some cases,</i></b> make the bullet points more likely to be fulfilled is in keeping a husband/father from leaving while the children are being raised because he knows family law and family courts are likely to beat him nearly to death.<br /><br />Men, you can't ensure children get that last bullet point. The more wealth you have, the more you can ensure the other bullet points, especially if no woman has parental rights to your children. <br /><br /><i><b>If </b></i>you have found a great woman who seems to be compatible with you and in agreement with you about how to team up with you to provide all those things to the children, <i><b>and</b></i> she stays devoted to doing so, that would be wonderful for the children, but there's no way of being absolutely certain that will be the case. Wives file the overwhelming majority of divorces. You have the power to decide YOU will be and stay devoted. You can't control what she does. She can leave, she can kick you out, she can divorce you, she can fight you in court, she can deny the children access to you and poison them against you, and the children will be deprived of many of their needs. Clearly, legally marrying does not keep women around. It is to keep you around, and you can decide to stay without getting married; but married or not, she can decide to send and keep you away.<br /><br />The point is, even if you're determined to raise children, you legally marrying won't help the children because what matters is your presence, involvement, and determination to raise them, not the government paper. If you truly believe <i>"Yeah, but maybe I'll change my mind and want to leave and having that government gun to my head will keep me there."</i> ...then don't have kids.<br /><br />If you have a great and willing sister or mother, it might be better to live with her or next to her so she can be the positive female role model. That would likely be more stable than a romantic relationship. Unless you use a legally donated egg and legally rented womb (that's expensive!) you can't set that up free from the interference of someone else, who'll have the power to ruin things. If your sister has her own kids, there's likely to be some conflict of interest there.<br /><br />These are serious considerations. Deciding whether or not to conceive children is one of THE most important decisions you can make. Having children changes everything. They need involved parents. Do not have children just to dump them into daycare, boarding schools and summer camps, or the lap of a nanny.<br /></div>Kenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06136254628511801417noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917394.post-55868298602707597262024-03-11T09:34:00.000-07:002024-03-11T09:34:45.153-07:00Women Need to be Romanced<p><b> </b><img alt="Male Female Clip Art" height="163" src="http://clipart-library.com/img/1715373.jpg" width="200" /></p>Husbands, how often have you heard that if only you were more sensitive, caring, romantic, did more around the home, and jumped through any number of hoops, your wife would be willing to have sex with you more often? Haven't you heard that women need to be pursued and romanced over the course of the whole day in order to get turned on?<br />
<br />
Exhibit A, your Honor: A <a href="https://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/2018/4/13/0/girl-feels-guilty-for-partying-during" target="_blank">recent [this entry has been bumped up from April 2018] letter to Dear Abby</a>.<br />
<br />
UNWORTHY IN THE MIDWEST wrote:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>I am a 17-year-old senior and have been dating the same boy for two years.</i></blockquote>
High schoolers shouldn't do that. Not exclusively, anyway. Guys, you don't need a girlfriend while you're trying to get educated.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>A month ago, he told me he wanted to break up "because he needed some time to figure out what he wanted."</i></blockquote>
Translation: "I want to figure out if I want to have another girl as my girlfriend, primarily by sticking my penis in her."<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>I was devastated but agreed. Two weeks later, he told me he was sorry and he loves me.</i></blockquote>
Translation: "I couldn't get the other girl or she's not as good at sex or sexually compatible with me as you are."<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>We are back together now, but the weekend after our breakup,</i></blockquote>
Hours or days after the breakup.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>I went to visit a college girlfriend. We went to a party and I ended up having sex with a boy I didn't even know.</i></blockquote>
Here are the really big questions, men:<br />
<br />
How much romancing did that boy do?<br />
How much of her laundry did that boy do?<br />
How much did he prove that he could take care of her, protect her, provide for her?<br />
Did he ever take out the trash?<br />
Did he ever wash the dishes?<br />
Did he ever buy her flowers?<br />
Did he set up a candlelit dinner?<br />
Did he even buy her dinner?<br />
How much money do you think he spent on her?<br />
<br />
You get the idea. He didn't do any of that, and yet she did him.<br />
<br />
Somehow, she was able to have sex without any of that romance or helping out. And she's not a freak. This is very typical.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>I feel guilty and unworthy. What should I do? If I tell my boyfriend, I'm sure I'll lose him for good. If I don't tell him, I'll always worry that he will find out from someone else.</i></blockquote>
You're 17! Are you going to go to the same college as this boyfriend? <br />
<br />
He has a lot to learn if he thinks she wasn't getting some, especially since he was probably getting some or trying really hard to (or had already, when he broke up with her). Guys, expect that within hours after you break up, she's getting some. Come to think of it, you shouldn't assume or count on her having only been with you while you were a couple anyway.<br />
<br />
Surprisingly in this age of "me too", Dear Abby didn't tell the LW she was raped. Even if the age of consent is 16 or 17 where she was (and we don't know it was), she was probably drinking.Kenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06136254628511801417noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917394.post-5981312022108266862024-03-09T08:40:00.000-08:002024-03-09T08:40:53.730-08:00What Is A Real Man?<div style="text-align: left;"><b><img alt="Question mark pictures of questions marks clipart cliparting" height="200" src="http://clipart-library.com/new_gallery/questions-clipart-6.jpg" width="200" /><br />A real man is any human being who is:<br />1. Male</b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b>2. 18 years of age or older<br />3. Not fictional</b><br /><br /><b><u>Whether a man does or doesn't do any certain things you or anyone else likes or doesn't like has ZERO determination over whether he is a real man or not.</u></b><br /><span><a name='more'></a></span>A man can be a bad man.<br />A man can be a good man.<br />A man can be a brave man.<br />A man can be a cowardly man.<br /><br />Those are all real men.<br /><br /><b>When someone says "What a real man does is..." they mean "What I like men to do is..."<br /><br />When someone says "That's what a real man does" they mean "I like men who do that."</b><br /><br />Signing a <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2022/06/the-state-marriage-contract-is-bad.html" target="_blank">terrible state contract</a> doesn't make a man real.<br /><br />Ejaculating as part of a successful reproductive process doesn't make a man real.<br /><br />Raising children doesn't make a man real.<br /><br />Those men are already real before doing those things.<br /><br /><b>Things a man doesn't have to do to be a real man:</b><br /><br />Keep a job<br />Move out of his parent's/parents' home<br />Get married</div><div style="text-align: left;">Reproduce<br />Pay bills generated by a woman</div><div style="text-align: left;">Love Jesus<br />Put himself at risk to save someone else<br />Lift weights<br /><br /><b>Things a real man might do may include:</b><br /><br />Cheating on his wife<br />Knocking up a bunch of different women<br />Leaving his wife or baby mamma<br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Playing video games a lot<br />Watching porn</div><div style="text-align: left;">Frequenting strip clubs<br />Depending on a woman to pay his bills<br />Abusing women<br />Abusing children<br />Robbery</div><div style="text-align: left;">Starting a cult<br />Serial killing</div><div style="text-align: left;">Ordering genocide<br />Saving someone's life<br />War heroism<br /><br />Some real men do terrible things. Some real men do great things. Some real men don't do much of anything. Whichever is the case, they are still real men.<br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />You are free to say "I don't like you" or "I don't like what you did" or "I'd like for you to do this" or "You did this, and that's wrong because..." But when you say "If you were a real man...," you're speaking nonsense. If he's not real, then you're talking to yourself, basically.<br /><br /><br /><b>Here are some men who aren't real:</b><br />James Bond<div style="text-align: left;">Jack Sparrow<br />Atticus Finch<br />Rocky Balboa<br />Prince Charming<br />Indiana Jones<br />Han Solo<br />Ben Solo</div>Rhett Butler</div><div style="text-align: left;">Harry Potter</div><div style="text-align: left;">Jack Dawson ("Titanic")<br />Any other grown male character in a romance novel, fictional movie, or fictional television show.<br /><br />To be clear, I would like all men to follow Jesus, meet their obligations, behave well, and never steal or assault. But a man is a real man whether he does those things or not.<br /></div>Kenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06136254628511801417noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917394.post-80538665764244116102024-03-08T09:39:00.000-08:002024-03-08T09:39:50.712-08:00Preparing For Marriage<p><img alt="ball and chain clipart
" height="171" src="http://clipart-library.com/images_k/handcuff-silhouette/handcuff-silhouette-13.png" width="200" /><br />Recently, I saw a tweet about preparing for marriage.<br /><br />That got me to think... How could a man prepare for marriage?</p><p><b>If you're a man who thinks you want to get married, either to someone if particular or "someday", take these steps to prepare:</b><br /><br />1) Throw out everything you own. Give some woman who isn't a professional decorator or stylist total control over buying everything to replace what you had, using your money. This includes just about everything from clothes to furniture to your vehicle.<br /><br /><br />2) Beyond that, literally throw away enough additional money that most of your earnings are lost. <br /><br /><br />3) When you're horny, take a cold shower or hide in the bathroom to masturbate. Pretend like someone is standing outside the door and you don't want them to hear you.<br /></p><span><a name='more'></a></span><span></span><p><br />4) Aside from NOT having sex, if there is something else you want to do, do something else instead. <br /><br />Examples: <br /><br />If you want to watch a movie or show or game, don't watch that one. Watch something you don't want to watch. <br /><br />Want to play a game? Go lift some furniture instead. <br /><br />Want to eat something? Eat something you don't want to instead, after arguing about it or having a pointless conversation before.<br /><br />If one of your friends invites you to do something, tell him you can't.<br /><br />Get into pointless discussions and arguments (Twitter can stand in for wife). <br /><br /><br />5) Every once in a while, you CAN do something or go somewhere you want to, but you have to call someone else to get permission first, then you have to be late, and then stop or leave early.<br /><br /><br />6) Alienate your family and friends.<br /><br /></p><p>7) Bang your head against the wall.</p><p><br />8) Apologize for doing things that you didn't do. Apologize for NOT doing things you didn't know you were expected to do. Apologize for being wrong even though you weren't. (Make these things up.) <br /><br /></p><p>9) If you catch yourself talking with a woman or even smiling or glancing at her, bang your head against the wall some more. Don't masturbate for a couple of weeks. <br /><br /></p><p>10) If you land an offer for a better job or promotion that would require a move, turn it down. </p><p><br />11) Tell a friend you need to have them pick some random time to text you "Now." When they do, you have to leave your residence or, if you're not there, you can't return to your residence. You have to stay away from your place for a week. <br /><br /><br />12) Some actress/model (even a classmate) you thought was hot in the past has probably hit the wall big time, getting fat and butching up. Find pictures of what a wreck she looks like now. Try to get an erection just by looking at those pictures. If you can't, bang your head against the wall some more. Repeat this exercise over and over with the same pictures.<br /><br /><br />13) For Christmas, Valentine's Day, and at least two other days in the year (pick them at random if you have to), buy some expensive items that will be of no use. Spend hours shopping for these things.<br /><br /><br />If you find living this way ideal, you're prepared for marriage. </p><p><br />As you can probably tell, I think <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2020/05/open-letter-to-dennis-prager-regarding.html" target="_blank">most men shouldn't marry</a>. But if you find the life described above ideal, then you're at least prepared for marriage. </p><p><br />If you're <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/p/why-you-dont-want-to-do-that.html" target="_blank">delusional, ignorant, or masochistic enough</a> to get married anyway, there are some other things you can do to prepare, but this is by no means an exhaustive list.<br /><br />1) Even if you don't yet know who you want to marry, consult with a family law attorney, an accountant, and a financial advisor about how to protect your assets. This might involve <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2018/05/dr-laura-is-wrong-about-prenups-for.html" target="_blank">getting a prenup</a> (before a wedding date is set!), having your home and other property in a revocable trust, having her sign a quitclaim deed, keeping separate accounts, etc. Just keep in mind that getting married (or even just living together) invites the state further into your life, and a judge can basically ignore all of the documents.</p><p>2) If you're sure you don't want to have children, get a vasectomy and have it tested at least twice, then periodically after that. A woman can say she doesn't want kids, she can say she's on contraception, she can swear up and down that she can't get pregnant, but guess what? There have been a lot of kids born to such women. <br /><br />3) Resolve not to abandon your good, close friends and family members (assuming they are not destructive). Insist that guy time will be a part of your life whether or not she takes time with the girls.<br /><br />4) Resolve not to abandon alone time, if you need it.</p><p>5) If you do have children, realize that their needs will come before what you want. They'll need a stable, intact home even if you're not happy with your wife. As long as she isn't literally abusive to them, it will be better for them that you stay together (and be polite to each other) until the kids are raised. Otherwise, they will have to go back and forth between homes and they will be in her care without you there to protect them, and she will be able to expose the kids to a string of her new lovers. So if she is abusive to them, document that and you <i>might</i> be able to protect them in a court, but I wouldn't hold my breath.</p><p>6) Remember you are both flawed. Demanding perfection from her is ridiculous. Marriage is going to involve a lot of forgiving, a lot of "letting it go" or "letting it slide." But try not to allow things you don't like to build until you explode. If something is a problem, calmly tell her that it can't become a habit or a repeating thing.<br /><br />7) While keeping the above in mind, she is supposed to be your priority, before you parents, siblings, friends, and even yourself (depending). Think about how you can make her life better. It can be as simple as offering her a nice, warm bath when she gets home while you take care of everything else.</p><p>8) All of the above considered, remember marriage shouldn't be a suicide pact. </p><p><br /><a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2008/04/men-should-protect-themselves.html" target="_blank">How Men Can Protect Themselves</a></p>Kenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06136254628511801417noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917394.post-34000700559215049232024-03-07T09:35:00.000-08:002024-03-09T08:36:38.891-08:00Why I Don’t Call Dr. Laura Schlessinger<div style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAJwQV-hupEi49pHHUZSSgZMDf-L6o1wlnTlVeb2-3EDdDeE0pQTgKRYIbHxSoOHW1B-2GxRGLRBYNL0lK8f8L5AFJtQsCC4FMK6lDSVVCBotYrgIcfqbciRZs6rP_mm9kJ61PQd_H6cPQdbwBWnQnThOSXop6StmqP5zVnzoNPOFaOe28ZnU/s530/microphone-clip-art-61.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="530" data-original-width="350" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAJwQV-hupEi49pHHUZSSgZMDf-L6o1wlnTlVeb2-3EDdDeE0pQTgKRYIbHxSoOHW1B-2GxRGLRBYNL0lK8f8L5AFJtQsCC4FMK6lDSVVCBotYrgIcfqbciRZs6rP_mm9kJ61PQd_H6cPQdbwBWnQnThOSXop6StmqP5zVnzoNPOFaOe28ZnU/w132-h200/microphone-clip-art-61.jpg" width="132" /></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Dr. Laura isn’t getting enough calls. Talk radio in general gets fewer calls than it used to, but the Dr. Laura Program is built around calls. As with many other hosts, she can monologue. But she wants calls.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">We can tell she’s not getting enough calls because she dropped down to four “live” programs per week, but will still monologue for a while in the middle of the program, read letters, and yet still fill time with playing unannounced repeat calls, some from years ago and some from a few days ago. The screeners sometimes have to put unprepared callers up.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Her program can be heard live across North America. Why isn’t she getting enough callers?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Well, I know why <i><b>I</b></i> haven’t called. Maybe Dr. Laura or her staff will learn from me. I’m a paid subscriber to her program, not a general SiriusXM listener. I have thought for a long time that she’s an overall positive influence. I have concerns, questions, decisions, and situations for which Dr. Laura’s focused, experienced, sincere evaluation might help. I can probably disguise my voice enough without sounding weird. But I won’t call her.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Here are the reasons why.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b>1. She’s not there to help the caller.</b> Callers are fodder for Dr. Laura getting her messages to listeners. She sees this as helpful to listeners. She has repeatedly said as much. I have no interest in being used as essentially an object lesson or warning against something I can’t change now. I already do that on this blog! She has helped many callers, but it's not her primary goal, and I believe she has hurt some callers. She will not take or will quickly dump calls that don’t easily serve her agenda, and spend much time countering a call that she might see as conflicting with her agenda after the caller is no longer able to clarify or defend. She usually won’t help callers who need to know HOW to discern, determine, or elicit something from others, so she gets curt or scolding if a caller says “I don’t know” regarding the reasons behind another person’s behavior. She can tell them how to find out, but she usually won’t. She will, more often, try to get the other person onto the program as well, which almost never happens.<br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><br /><br /></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b>2. Sometimes, she doesn’t listen.</b> Per the point above, she doesn’t really need to listen to the caller in order to make assumptions and pontificate. But it can be a problem for her when listeners who are paying close attention notice, because they want her advice and statements to logically flow from what the caller said. And the caller sure wants that! There are reasons she might not listen to any given caller, other than preparing her retort or daydreaming. She has ads to read, other calls listed on her screen, work going on around her home (she works from home), a really great view, her dog, program staff talking in her ear (every once in a while we hear them when we’re not supposed to), and she eats, unmuted, during the program, while taking calls.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b>3. She doesn’t accept that crosstalk is a normal part of phone conversations, and reacts angrily to it.</b> The way phones, especially mobile phones, work, there is no good way to avoid all crosstalk. Every other talk program host seems to have accepted that some crosstalk is to be expected, and calmly and politely work around it.<br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><br /><br /></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b>4. She interrupts, and not pleasantly.</b> Related to the above, she will often ask the caller a question, the caller will start to answer, Dr. Laura will interrupt the caller mid-sentence, then be upset that the caller didn’t immediately stop the moment she interrupted. This can sidetrack the entire call. She has had many methods of interrupting, but the one she currently favors is a loud, high-pitched <b><span style="color: red;">“WOO HOO!!! WOO HOO!!!”</span></b> No thanks! Maybe try a gong? At least it would be funny. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /><br /></div><b>5. We have an incompatible worldview.</b> I'm a Theist who believes in miracles, including that the Lord can and does operate in our lives. This does NOT excuse inaction on our part when, where, and how we should act. Followers of Jesus are supposed to do certain things and not do certain other things. Dr. Laura has decidedly dismissed certain things Theists in general and Christians in particular consider part of life. Sometimes her worldview, which appears to be Deistic or Atheistic, conflicts with this. This has an impact on the advice she gives and can cause her to sound critical of Christian theology.<br /><br />Also, one of the things I'd ask her about is how to handle divorcing my wife in terms of my communication and other behaviors, if I were to do that. But Dr. Laura tends to think men owe women money for sex, whereas I see sex as something people share. Of course the law would force me to pay a lot in a divorce, but I don't see it as immoral to seek how to pay as little as legally possible.<br /><div style="text-align: left;"><b><br /><br /></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b>6. Dr. Laura lives in a different world. </b>Most radio hosts and most advice mavens pretty much live in the same world as the rest of us. For a long time now, Dr. Laura has had a net worth of tens of millions of dollars, if not more. She lives in an exclusive estate she tried to sell for 20+ million dollars. She pretty much works a job she loves, with no boss, four days per week, from home, for probably about 4 hours per day mid-day. Good for her, and I mean that, for doing so well. But it has influenced her advice sometimes, when she fails to understand the limitations and demands on her callers. One big thing I’ll be facing includes retirement. She often speaks out against it. I don’t need to be told not to retire.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Furthermore, disapproving of shacking up, casual sex, and making "salad" (blended) families is fine, but failing to grasp what present-day dynamics <i><b>are</b></i>, whether we like them or not, and deal with them, is a problem. We hear this when she tells a teen or young woman that the guy they had sex with is telling all of his friends, as if that is still some deterrent. There’s no stigma anymore in casual sex, unmarried cohabitation, and stepfamily constructs, or having a big wedding when any or all of these things have been involved. As my kids reach adulthood, I might be dealing with these things whether I like it or not. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">She has an unreasonable bias against technology. She rejects the use social media because she had to struggle to get her platform and now just any lowly person can have their message go viral even though they haven’t “earned” it. These things are a part of my life and there’s nothing wrong with that. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b>7. She has a terrible history with family and close relationships.</b> Her critics have made a point in pointing out her estrangement from her mother, which is part of the reason her mother was dead for quite a while before anyone knew. In Dr. Laura’s defense, as she has pointed out, her mother apparently had no friends to notice she wasn’t present, but Dr. Laura also wasn’t close to her father, apparently isn’t close to her sister, didn’t keep her first marriage together, and either her son and/or daughter-in-law requested she not talk about them on air anymore, other than mentioning stories of his childhood, or they’re estranged. Whatever is going on, it’s very different from when she’d frequently mention them, have current pictures of the three of them together posted on social media (which is OK for her to use), and have the DIL on the air with her to talk about HR situations. We also know Dr. Laura, well into adulthood and her career, decided to practice Orthodox Judaism (her mother was an Italian Catholic, her father Jewish), got her husband and son into it as well, then she stopped, apparently because of some problems with some people. What’s the common denominator in all of this?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">We don’t really know how her relationship to her late husband was. We know she didn’t give their son her husband’s last name, and we know what little she has said: he was ill or in delicate health for years before he passed, he agreed with her when she said she’d destroy him if he ever hurt their son (said when she was pregnant), he protected her while she was very pregnant and crossing a busy street, he’d gas up her car. We really haven’t been told more, so we don’t know more than that and how the relationship started. He doesn’t show up in the stories of her son’s childhood other than handling something at the school office.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Yes, a heart surgeon can treat heart ailments even if they have their own heart ailments or even unhealthy behaviors. But in the context with everything else, it’s a concern. I have benefited from what she’s said and written about marriage and family, but it has to be taken with much salt.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b>8. General rudeness.</b> I can agree that, sometimes, her tactics are “necessary” to push a caller out of their rut. However, that’s not always the case, as other professionals have demonstrated. She herself will, occasionally, show that she can be gentle and pleasant in dealing with a caller, so we know she can do it.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">It’s definitely rude for the host of a call-in talk program to make assertions and bring up topics but refuse to take calls pertaining to them. If I could call her and discuss some of her assertions I think might be flawed, I might. But she doesn’t allow for that. She will not argue nor debate. As such, I’m left with thinking she’s mistaken or being too selective in the studies she uses; maybe I’m wrong, but she won’t take the steps to show why. Callers aren’t even allowed to address something relating to a previous caller other than to ask for “clarification.” </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />So, there it is. I don't want to be misinterpreted and verbally beat up, I can't ask many questions I'd like to ask, and I have doubts that for some of my specific concerns, I'd be getting advice that isn't being skewed by her own obvious biases and the relational failures she doesn't discuss. Those are the reasons I don't call. I could call her to praise her for the many things I do like about her program, books, social media, etc., but that’s boring radio.<br /></div>Kenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06136254628511801417noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917394.post-45644752615831489722024-03-06T07:22:00.000-08:002024-03-06T07:22:04.901-08:00Why Wait?<div style="text-align: left;"><img alt="Clock clip art free clipart images 4" height="200" src="http://clipart-library.com/newimages/clock-clip-art-21.jpg" width="200" /><br /><br />Dr. Laura's blog was updated with an entry with the title <a href="https://www.drlaura.com/blog-why-wait-to-have-sex" target="_blank">"Why Wait to Have Sex?"</a><br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><i>People who engage in sex before or within the first few weeks of dating have lower levels of relationship satisfaction, communication and stability than those who wait longer.</i><br /></div> <br />The claim here is the first few weeks. So, a month in is good?<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><i>Why?</i><br /></div> <br />Because people who wait are so happy to be having sex that that they'll accept a lot of crap.<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><i>Because casual sex is lust over love. Without a foundation, the excitement of the passion wanes, and the relationship crumbles.</i><br /></div><br />Not if they enjoy the sex a lot and are compatible. They have both "lust" and love after a while.<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><i>Most women want the first time they have sex with a man to be mind-blowing, special and something that brings them closer together.</i><br /></div> <br />Men want that, too.<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><i>However, there is no love or commitment early on in a relationship, so none of those needs are met.</i><br /></div><div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <br /></div>That doesn't follow. People can have mind-blowing, special sex that brings them closer together without love and commitment.<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><i>I find it remarkable how many women would not entrust their apartment keys to a guy they just met (even if it’s just to water their plants) and yet, give no thought to exposing themselves to STDs and unplanned pregnancies.</i><br /></div><br />If they have your keys, they can steal from you for a while without you even knowing. They can squat in your place and it can be a long ordeal to get them out. Some women actually enjoy sex, and don't see it as something a man does <i>to</i> them, but something they do <i>with</i> a man. But yes, STD tests, contraception, and <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2019/06/get-vasectomy.html" target="_blank">vasectomies</a> can be great things, and some people <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2022/10/why-running-game-works.html" target="_blank">having sex on a first, second, or third date</a> use those.<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><i>Contrary to what you see in the movies, people simultaneously orgasming 20 minutes after meeting each other rarely happens in real life.</i><br /></div> <br />Most married people don't experience simultaneous orgasms, either.<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><i>First-date sex is usually awkward, and it runs on his timeline — if you get my drift.</i><br /></div><div style="margin-left: 40px;"> <br /></div>So now it's two dates in, rather than a month.<br /><br />Also, some guys gladly engage in cunnilingus, fingering, etc. until she has at least one orgasm. Even on a first date.<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><i>Plus, there isn’t that much warm-up because there isn’t that much caring to give you a warm-up.</i><br /></div><br />How would Dr. Laura know this? And again, the experience of many people goes against this.<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><i>Nothing has changed in the double standard. The more sexual partners a guy has had, the less he thinks of women and the sex he has with them. Guys know that the quicker they can get you to bed, the less wifey material you are. You may be humping for a few years or even shacking up, but there’s no true emotional bond.</i><br /></div><br />Except for the millions of people for whom that hasn't been the case. There are couples who seem to have great marriages lasting decades who had sex on the first date. Everyone knows someone like that. I do.<br /> <br />Dr. Laura will tell female callers who've had unmarried sex "He's telling all of his friends he did!" These days, SHE probably told his friends. And hers. Like it or not, times have changed.<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><i>Men don’t value what they don’t have to work hard for.</i><br /></div><div style="margin-left: 40px;"><br /></div>How hard did most men have to work for their mother's love? And yet they value it tremendously.<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><i>If you want a healthy relationship, you should charge a high price for sex - the price being attention, care and commitment.</i><br /></div><br />For Dr. Laura, a "commitment" means having a terrible state contract, joint finances, monogamy, and a bunch of other things that must all be together. In her mind, people can be together for ten years with the same goals and treating each other well, and it's not a <i>commitment </i>unless they have a state license and joint finances. Also, people shouldn't marry until after being together regularly for two yeas. There's a lot of room between a month and two or three years.<br /><br />While she doesn't admit it, Dr. Laura borrows from materialism and religion for her secular program.<br /><br />Materialism says men should pay - literally pay - for sex, because of supply and demand. This is why Dr. Laura says an unmarried man having sex is "getting sex for free." He hasn't signed over at least half of his income to the woman with whom he's having sex.<br /><br />Religion: "This <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2022/09/is-that-really-in-good-book.html" target="_blank">Scripture</a> or this Prophet says unmarried sex is wrong."<br /><br />She struggles to explain why people should save sex for marriage without citing either of those.<br /><br />She didn't bring up abortion. Like STDs, unwanted pregnancies are a risk with sex. From a purely rational perspective, people should avoid sex if they aren't prepared for, or haven't taken steps to prevent, unwanted conception, spreading STDs, or catching unwanted feelings.<br /><br />I'm not here to tell you to have sex before you marry, much less sex a few dates in. (Many of you will do it anyway.)<br /><br />But I am here to tell you there's no way you should sign a <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2022/06/the-state-marriage-contract-is-bad.html" target="_blank">terrible state contract</a> unless you have experienced sexual compatibility and chemistry with that person, unless both of you don't care about sex (and you can't really be sure they don't). Actually, you shouldn't sign the terrible state contract regardless. But you shouldn't make vows, a joint residence, joint finances, or children with someone unless you know they can fulfill you in that way.<br /><br /><a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2022/03/free-men-are-morally-superior.html" target="_blank">So, stay free</a>.<br /></div>Kenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06136254628511801417noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917394.post-16870235004678566442024-03-05T08:16:00.000-08:002024-03-05T08:16:29.666-08:00Analyzing Dennis Prager’s Marriage Preaching Again<p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAJwQV-hupEi49pHHUZSSgZMDf-L6o1wlnTlVeb2-3EDdDeE0pQTgKRYIbHxSoOHW1B-2GxRGLRBYNL0lK8f8L5AFJtQsCC4FMK6lDSVVCBotYrgIcfqbciRZs6rP_mm9kJ61PQd_H6cPQdbwBWnQnThOSXop6StmqP5zVnzoNPOFaOe28ZnU/s530/microphone-clip-art-61.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="530" data-original-width="350" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAJwQV-hupEi49pHHUZSSgZMDf-L6o1wlnTlVeb2-3EDdDeE0pQTgKRYIbHxSoOHW1B-2GxRGLRBYNL0lK8f8L5AFJtQsCC4FMK6lDSVVCBotYrgIcfqbciRZs6rP_mm9kJ61PQd_H6cPQdbwBWnQnThOSXop6StmqP5zVnzoNPOFaOe28ZnU/w132-h200/microphone-clip-art-61.jpg" width="132" /></a></p><p>Hardly a day goes by that Dennis Prager is hosting his main broadcast program that he doesn’t try to sell marriage or lament that marriage rates are down. </p><p>On Monday, March 4, 2024, during Hour 2, at 15 minutes into the podcast hour, he was lamenting that the Left destroys everything. He cited as a “proof” that “25 percent of Americans age 40 have never been married, the highest percentage in history.” (Good work, men, but we need that number way higher.)</p><p>He went on to cite an article about Taylor Swift and her burly boyfriend, saying women want a men who’ll protect them and provide for them. “It’s built in.” (This is a polite way of saying “gold diggers,” though Swift specifically doesn’t need anyone else’s money.)</p><p>He talks about Adam and Eve, trans women in sports, and then says maybe there will be pushback against “a woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.” </p><p>“It’s a lie that women don’t need men, and men don’t need women. We are built, created to need each other. ‘It’s not good for man to be alone.’ It’s not good for women to be alone. There are exceptions. But overwhelmingly a man needs a woman and a woman needs a man.”</p><p>But life has changed, Dennis. People can thrive and have great, full lives living in a their own residence. And we’re not alone. There are 8 billion living people. </p><p>“When men marry, they earn more, they’re more responsible, they drink less, they cavort less,” and he repeats “more responsible.”</p><p>Women tend to marry men who do or will earn more. But most of what a married man earns isn’t his. It legally goes to his wife, who’ll make most of the purchasing decisions.</p><p>By implication, Dennis is saying that if he hadn’t married; he’d be making less money, irresponsible, drunk, and cavorting. Except I know never-married men who are very responsible, don’t get drunk, and enjoy their life. This is a bit like saying, “People who take the train tend to travel from here to there.” OK. But people can fly now, or drive if they prefer. It’s not like having a nag with the proverbial loaded gun to your head is the only way.</p><p>“Ask almost any man who got married.”</p><p>Ask divorced men. The ones who haven’t killed themselves. Yet.</p><p>Hey Dennis, we can ask college grads if college made them better. Almost all will say yes. And yet you dismiss that. Who wants to say that they made a huge, costly mistake? </p><p>“And women need men just as much. Many women go a little nuts - the staggering irrationality that has take over in so many cases of females in our society is proof. Men without women are wild. And women without men are often irrational.”</p><p>Dennis clearly has far more married women listeners than unmarried women. Otherwise he wouldn’t say stuff like that on the radio.</p><p>There are never married men who aren’t wild, but are very responsible.</p><p>There are never married women who are clear, rational thinkers.</p><p>Find out why, and see if that can be taught. No need to urge people to sign a terrible state contract.</p><p>I note that Dr. Laura says men need women far more than women need men. It’s one of many things I’d like to see her and Dennis discuss. But, she prefers complete control of her appearance in media and won’t argue or debate.</p><p><br /></p>Kenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06136254628511801417noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917394.post-159485966160171632024-03-04T07:49:00.000-08:002024-03-04T07:49:20.825-08:00A Very Tiny Pool<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><img alt="Pink Shoes Clipart" height="178" src="http://clipart-library.com/img/1144433.png" width="200" /></span></span><br />"Refuse to date men use porn!" was tweeted out by one my favorite antiporn accounts.<br />
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First things first: Of course people can and should set any standards or requirements they think are best when it comes to who they'll date.<br />
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Two very important words in the tweet were "use" and "porn". <a href="http://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/p/blog-page_25.html" target="_blank">What exactly are we talking about here?</a> Is a guy who stares at artistic nudes once or twice per month or enjoys the annual Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue just as out-of-the-question as a guy who is viewing hardcore videos 2-3 times per week? If so, there's going to be almost no man who passes this test. And "use" implies it is ongoing. Given how much we are told by antiporn activists that porn damages the brain, shouldn't men who <i>use<b>d</b></i> porn be out of consideration, too?<br />
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For most men who view porn, it's a masturbatory shortcut. It gives them visual and auditory stimulation that will help them to quickly reach orgasm and then go about their day, or fall asleep, or whatever. Some guys treat it as a hobby, some guys take glances when they're not masturbating just because they find it pleasant to look at.<br />
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It's normal and natural for men to like the sight of attractive nude women, especially in sexual situations. You can argue it is part of fallen nature, but it is natural none the less. So a man who doesn't is fighting his nature. The vast majority of men, whether they view porn or not, see women around them and depictions (such as ads) of women and notice her body, and a lot of the men will wonder what she looks like nude or imagine having sex with her.<br />
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<b>How will a woman even know if a man "uses porn"?</b><br />
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1) She snoops. And it's just as well if a woman who has just started dating a guy or is considering dating a guy starts snooping through his phone/tablet/laptop/desktop that she refuse to (continue to) date him. <i>He's</i> better off.<br />
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2) She catches him. He'd be a very careless fellow to view porn when and where a new (potential) date would see.<br />
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3) He tells her, either proactively or in response to questioning.<br />
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A guy who "uses porn" really is better off if a woman like this refuses to date him. If she thinks it is that much of a problem, they aren't a match. She'd probably be the type who'd remove locks to the doors to her 13-year-old son's bedroom and bathroom in an attempt to make sure he doesn't masturbate. The way a lot of men see it, they are happy to scare off women who they see as hysterical, prudish harpies.<br />
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<b>Asking a new dating prospect if he uses porn isn't the right question to ask.</b> It would be better to have an inclusive discussion about purity or general matters of a person's thought life. To focus on "using porn" while ignoring things like envy, greed, and malice is ridiculous. A woman who asks a man if he uses porn should be prepared to answer if she's ever made herself vomit because she felt she ate too much, if she's ever wished harm on someone, if she's ever bought anything that she didn't absolutely need as a treat to herself when she really didn't have the money (accumulating credit card debt is not having the money!) She should also be prepared to answer whether or not she uses a vibrator or dildo or any other masturbatory aid.<br />
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One problem with "Refuse to date men use porn!" is that a woman who sticks to that and relies on it can still end up with a man who 1) uses porn but lies about it; 2) leers or engages in voyeurism instead; 3) constructs all sorts of kinky fantasies in his mind; 4) hooks up or has a secret "buddy" or friend-with-benefits; 5) isn't interested in sex, at least not with grown women; 6) is so uptight or dysfunctional he will drive her crazy.<br />
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Most men who use porn do it as a mitigation for a lack of sex at the moment. If a woman doesn't want to risk marrying a guy only to find out that he won't stop using porn<i> </i>when he's having sex with her regularly or because she thinks he might use porn as mitigation when she's not available, then no, she shouldn't marry a guy who uses porn. After all, marriage is entirely voluntary and she doesn't have to marry anyone ever. Better to avoid that risk! <br />
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And keep in mind that even if a man didn't use porn before, there is always the possibility he might start after marrying. So, add this as another reason people simply <a href="http://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/p/why-you-dont-want-to-do-that.html" target="_blank">shouldn't marry</a>. I mean, no matter how "pure" a man has been, no matter what censor/babysitting software you use, there's always the possibility that while he's out of sight, he'll somehow sneak a peek. Why take that risk? Avoid marriage and avoid even dating. Better to be single for life than risk being with a man who enjoys seeing pixels depicting nude women, especially nude women in sexual situations.<br />
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Meanwhile, men might want to "<a href="http://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/p/why-you-dont-want-to-do-that.html" target="_blank">Refuse to date </a>women who watch television, romantic comedies, read romance novels, indulge in princess fantasies, and have bridal magazines!"Kenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06136254628511801417noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917394.post-46026005622377641862024-03-02T08:09:00.000-08:002024-03-02T08:09:40.561-08:00This Guy Wants Husbands to Pretend They Have Power<div style="text-align: left;"><img alt="Broken Heart Clipart Black And White" height="200" src="http://clipart-library.com/img/1087110.png" width="200" /><br />I generally think it is a good thing if someone tries to make existing marriages better. Really. I want to get that out right here upfront.<br /><br />Let's take a look at <a href="https://twitter.com/wdmorrisjr/status/1632387260602621954" target="_blank">this tweetstorm</a>. Here's the TL;dr: Husbands, choose to be happy and content.<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><i>Over the past decade, I've met with dozens of men in failing marriages.</i><br /></div><div style="margin-left: 40px;"><br /></div>Most married men are, or will be, in a failing marriage.<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><i>If you want to be happy in a marriage that lasts, here's what you need to know:</i><br /></div><br />Hmmm....<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><i>1 - They no longer believe they need what their wife offers.</i><br /></div><br />Most men don't need what their wife offers. They never did. Don't believe me? When a man complains that his wife doesn't do something, if enough people hear it, he will always be told he can live without it, or that he can do it himself. No matter what it is. Sex, encouragement, companionship, cooking, cleaning, laundry, whatever. If a man can live without it, he doesn't need it. And there are men who aren't married, including some who never were married, who are doing well.<br /><span><a name='more'></a></span><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><i>For the most part, I believe people do a great job of choosing a spouse.</i><br /></div><br />So, this guy is deluded. Most people marry someone because of timing. It's the person they're with when they figure they should marry.<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><i>The problem is that men begin to discount what their wife offers over time.</i><br /></div><br />Well, yeah. She cuts back on what she offers, both in quality and quality, and he learns how to do more things himself or do without. And, like it not, men are attracted to youth, vitality, beauty, variety, new seductions. Men had been willing to trade that for certain things that, in many cases, are no longer being given in return.<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><i>The exact reasons that drew you to her become the frustrations, annoyances, and differences that drive you apart.</i><br /></div><br />Sounds doomed!<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><i>Men in failing marriages have lost the belief that their wife offers anything they need.</i><br /></div><br />In failing marriages? When a woman turns against her husband, you're right - they're going to lose that belief.<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><i>If you want to be happy in a marriage that lasts,</i><br /><br /><i>It starts with believing that your wife is exactly what you need.</i><br /></div><br />Delusional people can be happy, yes, as long as their delusion doesn't bump up against harsh reality.<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><i>Make it a habit to remember why you married her.</i><br /></div><br />I married my wife because she pretended to be someone she wasn't and isn't.<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><i>You're not as grown up and well-rounded as you think you are.</i><br /></div><br />Here it comes. "You're not such hot stuff. Be grateful some women took pity on you!"<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><i>Choose gratitude as your foundation.</i><br /></div><br />Gratitude is a good thing. More wives should grasp that.<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><i>2 - They have chosen to no longer find their wife sexually attractive.</i><br /><br /><i>I say "chosen" on purpose.</i><br /></div><br />This might happen when she's rejecting him, as survival.<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><i>Men in failing marriages seek sexual gratification outside of their marriage.</i><br /><br /><i>Whether it's a physical affair or pornography, </i><br /><br /><i>They've shut down their desire for their wife.</i><br /><br /><i>Your spouse is meant to be your most intimate relationship.</i><br /></div><br />Men can only take so much rejection from someone whose bills they are paying.<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><i>If you want to be happy in a marriage that lasts,</i><br /><br /><i>Cut off all outlets for sexual fulfillment outside of your wife.</i><br /><br /><i>Choose her as the focus of your desire,</i><br /><br /><i>And it will ripple into a deepening of every facet of your relationship.</i><br /></div><br />This is delusional. It pretends a wife has no agency, that what she does or doesn't do doesn't matter. I mean, if you're addressing men who are initiating affairs even though their wife is an available partner, that makes sense. But for most husbands, this doesn't apply.<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><i>3 - They aren't investing their lives into anything other than their work.</i><br /><br /><i>Men in failing marriages live in a very small story.</i><br /><br /><i>They see no greater purpose to their lives than making money and collecting acclaim.</i><br /></div><br />Here we go. If you provide, you're not around enough. If you don't, you're a deadbeat. Men do gravitate to where they are appreciated, yes.<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><i>Your wife doesn't want your money. </i><br /><br /><i>She wants you...fully alive.</i><br /></div><div style="margin-left: 40px;"><br /></div>This is only true when a husband has a great career going. Since he can't be faulted for failing to provide, it becomes "Your money isn't important!" Oh, it would be important if he was falling short. Many, perhaps most, wives despise their husbands.<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><i>Counseling has made a big impact on me.</i><br /></div><br />What a surprise!<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><i>4 - They refuse to take genuine responsibility for their problems.</i><br /><br /><i>Men in failing marriages give lip service to their culpability.</i><br /><br /><i>But it always sounds like,</i><br /><br /><i>"I know I haven't been the best husband, but..."</i><br /></div><br />I take full responsibility for making the mistake of marrying.<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><i>Then the reasons why it's all their wife's fault start flowing.</i><br /></div><br />No, it's not all her fault. <b><i><u>I</u></i></b> should never have married. The laws are terrible. But breadwinning husbands do lose all of their power. And, I'm sorry, when she married me under false pretenses, how was I supposed to know that? I could have, if I had demanded access to various records. How well do you think that would have gone over?<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><i>There are few things more damaging to a man's soul than a sense of powerlessness.</i><br /></div><br />Well, yeah. That's why I tell most men not to marry.<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><i>When you refuse to accept responsibility,</i><br /><br /><i>You're not quitting on your marriage.</i><br /><br /><i>You're quitting on yourself.</i><br /><br /><i>You're deciding that you're too weak and helpless to effect change.</i><br /><br /><i>If you want to be happy in a marriage that lasts,</i><br /><br /><i>You have to shift your beliefs about the problems you're facing.</i><br /><br /><i>You have to own them and make it your mission to resolve them.</i><br /><br /><i>Not just your part. </i><br /><br /><i>You own the whole thing.</i><br /><br /><i>Whatever it takes.</i><br /><br /><i>Find the power in humility.</i><br /></div><br />What is that even supposed to mean? Let's take sex, and just one aspect of it. My wife says she can't do it more often. What the ---- am I supposed to do with that? Nothing I can do is going to change that. She's made it clear. It's not a matter of, say, bringing flowers home more often or listening to her talk more. Nothing is going to change her on this. There's no resolution to that unless you're telling me to artificially lower my drive. I'm not going to step out on her. What's the resolution to this other than divorcing?<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><i>5 - They all believe in the inverted law of happiness.</i><br /></div><div style="margin-left: 40px;"><br /></div>Why do I hear flute music?<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><i>Happiness is an internal reality.</i><br /></div><br />He's basically saying choose to be happy. Hey, can husbands say that to their wives when being nagged? How well do you think that will go over?<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><i>Choose to say "no" to what if.</i><br /><br /><i>Choose to say "yes" to what is.</i><br /></div><br />Accept your lot in life, you beaten dogs!<br /><br />Very interesting thread. He never brings up the fact that divorce can be unilateral for no reason at all, and that women file the overwhelming percentage of divorces.<br /><br />Some people hate to hear it, but Dr. Laura is right when she says that women have far more power in a marriage to make the marriage good or bad.<br /><br />Anyway... choose to be happy and content. Free men can do the same. No need to marry! And "choose to be happy and content" can be applied to countless other things, too, but some people only insist on applying it for certain things. He mentioned counseling. All counselors should just tell people who seek their services "choose to be happy and content." Problems solved, right?<br /><br />The good news is I think I'm doing a pretty good job of keeping my wife happy. I don't go around expressing anger or sadness. I keep it inside. Tell my therapist. Write about it here. Tweet. I'm trapped, at least for now. So I warn other men. Attempting to change things to be more to my liking will diminish her happiness. This is my life. At least for now.<br /></div>Kenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06136254628511801417noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917394.post-34169540506069109572024-03-01T09:33:00.000-08:002024-03-01T09:33:58.623-08:00Wedding China<div style="text-align: left;"><img alt="Wedding Ring Clip Art | Clipart library - Free Clipart Images" height="83" src="http://clipart-library.com/images/pi587RyAT.gif" width="200" /><br />I don't know how long it has been a tradition, and I don't know if it is falling out of favor now, but when we got married, my wife put a china set on our gift registry. Having a china cabinet, full of china, is important for some women.</div><div style="text-align: left;"></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />So we have a dedicated cabinet, a china cabinet, full of expensive china.<br /><br />We've been married "a long time" now. How often do you think we've used that china?<br /><br />Go ahead. Take a guess.</div><div style="text-align: left;"></div><div style="text-align: left;"></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />...<br /><br />If you guessed <span style="font-size: xx-small;">ZERO</span>, you are correct.<br /><br />It just sits in the corner of the room, collecting dust. <br /><br />I found out after we married that one of my wife's family members told one of my family members people shouldn't bother buying the china for us, because it would never be used. That person was right. The people who spent the money on that could have bought us gifts we actually would have used.<br /><br />This is just one of many ways modern marriage and wedding culture is impractical.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Avoid it, guys!<br /></div>Kenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06136254628511801417noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917394.post-64693059205087719132024-02-29T07:16:00.000-08:002024-02-29T07:16:20.759-08:00Another Reason to Remain Unmarried and Free<div style="text-align: left;"><b><img alt="Why birds fly, and we can't - SiOWfa12: Science in Our World" height="177" src="http://clipart-library.com/images/pTqKgX4Gc.jpg" width="200" /></b><br />There are many reasons to stay unmarried, and I've listed some of them before <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2021/11/reasons-for-men-to-stay-unmarried.html" target="_blank">here</a>.<br /><br />I've also discussed how Free Men <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2022/03/free-men-are-morally-superior.html" target="_blank">can be morally superior</a> to married men.<br /><br />I recently realized another very important reason for men to remain unmarried and free.<br /><br />I've seen repeated claims that we can't be sure a woman who is performing on a webcam isn't being trafficked. By the very same thinking, we can't be sure any woman who we'd marry isn't being trafficked into the marriage. She might say she's not, but maybe that's because she's being threatened to say she isn't.<br /><br />There is a long history of trafficking fueling marriage and marriage fueling trafficking. Marriage wouldn't be where it is today without trafficking, and trafficking wouldn't be where it is today without marriage.<br /><br /><b>So, men, the only way to be sure you're not perpetuating trafficking of brides is to avoid marriage.</b><br /><br /><a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2020/12/what-do-i-mean-by-free-men.html" target="_blank">Stay free</a>, men!<br /></div>Kenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06136254628511801417noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917394.post-18594295901939564302024-02-28T10:26:00.000-08:002024-02-28T10:26:53.682-08:00Running Game - Slumpbusters<div style="text-align: left;"><img alt="Free Clipart: Magic Hat and Wand | gnokii" height="188" src="https://1001freedownloads.s3.amazonaws.com/vector/thumb/97220/magic-hat.png" width="200" /><br />If you're not running game like a well-oiled machine yet, or you took a break, or you're in slump, you might benefit from one or more slumpbusters.<br /><br />A slumpbuster means hooking up with a woman you wouldn't have as part of <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2022/05/running-game-who-to-date-and-where-to.html" target="_blank">your regular bullpen</a>. Maybe she's too old, maybe she's too fat or too skinny or otherwise less attractive to you, maybe she's not enthusiastic or skilled enough. But she's willing to hook up. If some affection is better than no affection to you, that's what a slumpbuster gives you.<br /><br />However, slumpbusters also help because they "prime the pump." Somehow, some way, the fact that you're active at all helps bring other women to you. It's just one of those mysteries of reality.<br /><br /><br /></div>Kenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06136254628511801417noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917394.post-44547974445003648952024-02-27T07:51:00.000-08:002024-02-27T07:51:20.106-08:00Fun With Statistics - Cohabitation<div style="text-align: left;"><i><img alt="Male Female Clip Art" height="163" src="http://clipart-library.com/img/1715373.jpg" width="200" /></i><b> <br /></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b>Cohabitation, or "shacking up," as Dr. Laura (and I) still call it, leads to marriage.</b><br /><br />That goes against what Dr. Laura says. Shacking up is one of her main no-nos, in her countercultural preaching. She often rattles off a few statistics (which may or may not be current) to try to bolster her point.<br /><br />And yet, if someone is a marriage seller, as she is, I can use statistics to point out that cohabitation leads to marriage:<br /><br />1) Most people in our culture who marry lived together before they married.<br /><br />2) Couples who don't live together are far less likely to marry each other.<br /><br />There it is! CONCLUSIVE PROOF that living together leads to marriage!<br /><br />Right?<br /><br />Well, in fairness:<br /><br />1) Many people live together but never marry each other.<br /><br />2) "Couples who don't live together" includes all those people who are only couples for a few months and then break up; of course they didn't marry.<br /><br />My overall point is that using statistics can be misleading, as I already pointed out in this post, <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2021/10/thinking-critically-about-cohabitation.html" target="_blank">"Thinking Critically About Cohabitation."</a><br /><br />I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'm not advocating living together unmarried with a romantic or sexual partner. I generally think it is <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/p/why-you-dont-want-to-do-that.html" target="_blank">a terrible idea</a>. But more and more people will not marry someone unless they live with them first. To me, that's all the more reason to avoid shacking up, as I discourage most men from marrying and encourage them to stay free. Despite what Dr. Laura says, when a guy has his girlfriend living with him, it reduces his freedom.<br /></div>Kenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06136254628511801417noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917394.post-17519694385356194732024-02-26T07:50:00.000-08:002024-02-26T07:50:42.000-08:00Answering Marriage Seller Assertions, Talking Points, and Questions - Part 1<div style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI4gl7AH17bTbjVBXJSYw2RTrGn9KT-Chv4OCMBakBIXKSiEBjn6JQl2zacYACiPkEewmwEHu6bA30pIT9NUzVUg7qMJ0_m37MATBCD0CuRDSc5V6hms2-F7jnZhkCQF_dgDDbpBOEIzcR5bDxe0ABeHSJdvWznNl6S7CvrKOHWjxbhZrFg1E/s967/itsatrap.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="544" data-original-width="967" height="113" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI4gl7AH17bTbjVBXJSYw2RTrGn9KT-Chv4OCMBakBIXKSiEBjn6JQl2zacYACiPkEewmwEHu6bA30pIT9NUzVUg7qMJ0_m37MATBCD0CuRDSc5V6hms2-F7jnZhkCQF_dgDDbpBOEIzcR5bDxe0ABeHSJdvWznNl6S7CvrKOHWjxbhZrFg1E/w200-h113/itsatrap.jpg" width="200" /></a><br /><br /> </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> Marriage sellers are varied. The ones I'm familiar with include:<br /><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>religionists
(who are usually trying to get you to marry within their denomination
or cult, but if you're not going to they at least want to behave in
their approved way)</li><li>sociologists who are likely to be religionists or dependent on them for funding/publicity</li><li>your mother</li><li>Dr. Laura Schlessinger</li><li>Michael Medved (basically a combo of his wife being a sociologist and them being religionists)</li><li>Dennis Prager (religionist, but might be a religionist because of his emotional fixation on marriage)</li><li>Matt Walsh (religionist)<br /></li></ul>While
I list specific names here, most of the tactics they use to sell
marriage are used broadly by marriage sellers that might include your
aunt or your pastor. Just to be clear, I am what many people would call a
religionist. I'm a Bible-believing, praying, churchgoer. But since I do
read my Bible, I'm aware that there is no clear Biblical command in
effect for all Christians to marry, certainly not for them to get a license to do so from a secular state.<br /><br /><b>If you're going to discuss why most men should avoid marrying, especially if you're going to have an audience, it might drive the point home if you say "terrible state contract" instead of "marriage."</b><br /><br />I plan to post [have since posted] a series providing answers and responses to common talking points of marriage sellers.<br /><br />I'm starting with a very common one used by almost all of them.<br /><br /><u><i><b>Married men earn more, are wealthier, are happier, are healthier, live longer, and have more sex.</b></i></u><br /><br />Response:<br /><br />Like
so many claims of marriage sellers, these claims rest almost entirely
on perceived correlations and statistical trickery, not provable
causation. Marriage sellers want you to think that if you marry, you'll
be better off in all those ways. However, what is really going on here
is that all unmarried males are lumped together, <i>including divorced men
and men who are unable to attract a wife</i>. Women are more likely to marry and
stay married to a man who has/earns more money, is happier, is
healthier, and with whom she is having a lot of sex. Poor, sickly,
unhappy men are less likely to be having a lot of sex or attracting or
keeping a wife. Also, <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2022/11/when-marriage-sellers-say-married-men.html" target="_blank">males who die young are less likely to have married</a>. Duh!<br /><br />These claims never separate out men who have their
act together and intentionally avoid marriage. Many of them are better
off financially, have better overall well-being, and have more and
better sex than most husbands. Plus, they are free, with their
residences and overall life the way they want, not the way some woman
wants.<br /><br />What marriage sellers don't point out about finances is
that my never-married counterpart only has to earn 51% of what I do to
be better off financially than me, and doesn't spend money on goods and
services that aren't to his personal benefit; he gets to make all
spending decisions for his earnings, and nearly everything he buys is
less expensive because he only needs to buy for himself.<br /><br />The one
thing I'm willing to concede is that a wife nagging her husband to go to
the doctor can help him live longer. However, men can be nagged to go
to the doctor without signing a terrible state contract. <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2019/01/go-to-doctor.html" target="_blank">I cut out the
"middlewoman."</a> Also, consider: What are those extra months/years like?
Should a man trade a lifetime of freedom for those months?<br /><br />The fact that married men are taller is a clue of what is going on with these statistics. Marrying won't make you taller. Women marry taller men.<br /><br />The fact that divorced men are usually lumped together with all other unmarried men is misleading. Family laws, family courts, ex wives, and their lawyers often work a man over, leaving him in terrible shape, at least for a while; even before divorce, marriage might have hurt him a lot, but since he escaped or was dumped his conditions are attributed to the "unmarried" in the stats.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">It’s dangerous to imply or outright tell someone that signing a terrible state contract or marrying will make them better off or happier. When it doesn’t, they might make their spouse or others miserable or otherwise harm them.<br /><br />That's a lot to say. If you only have a few seconds, say:<br /><br /><b>None of those studies separate out men who have intentionally avoided marriage, who can be much better off than most husbands.<br /><br /></b><a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2023/02/answering-marriage-seller-assertions_01512084647.html" target="_blank">Read Part 2 here.</a><br /></div>Kenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06136254628511801417noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917394.post-66384031078590828412024-02-24T10:33:00.000-08:002024-02-24T10:33:45.343-08:00Running Game - Your Presentation<div style="text-align: left;"><img alt="Free Clipart: Magic Hat and Wand | gnokii" height="188" src="https://1001freedownloads.s3.amazonaws.com/vector/thumb/97220/magic-hat.png" width="200" /> <br />Many young, hot women quickly have sex with "jerks," especially jerks they think have money, power, or fame. The guys who appear to be dependable, stable, reliable, and nice - the guys who will be their puppy dog - these women hold those guys off until the women have "had their fun," and have a lot of baggage and fading looks, and need a man to play Captain Saveahoe.<br /><br />If you think you need to be an "upstanding", successful man with a great job, honest and upfront, and romance a woman and pay her way in order to get sex, well, you've been lied to. <br /><br /><b>Even if you're not looking for sex, your presentation, like most of <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2022/02/what-is-running-game.html" target="_blank">running game</a>, can still <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2020/07/keeping-boundaries-as-free-man.html" target="_blank">protect you.</a></b><br /><br />You can get sex in three <i>inexpensive</i> dates or less with one woman. Running game helps you find and enjoy the women who are either 1) sexually attracted to you based on your appearance or 2) will consent to have sex with you because they <i>think</i> you have, or are about to have, a lot of money, power, or fame. Of course there will be women who won't play, but running game smokes them out before you spend much time, money, or energy on them. It <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2022/04/learn-to-say-no.html" target="_blank">protects you</a> from being a doormat, <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2022/03/the-men-who-are-beaten-dogs.html" target="_blank">beaten dog</a>, errand boy, or walking wallet.<br /><br /><b>You want the appearance of <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2022/01/why-cant-men-be-upfront-and-honest-part_25.html" target="_blank">David, not Rick</a></b>.<br /><span><a name='more'></a></span><br />You need to adopt an attitude of <b>having better things to do than spend time with her</b>. Let's be clear. I'm not talking about being mean, cruel, or abusive, but coming across to her as being <b>confident, self-assured, in control, take charge, having swagger, with no hint of desperation</b>. You're NOT an open book. Rather, you're somewhat aloof, distant, and have a bit of mystery about you. You seem a bit untamed; you want her to think she can be the one to tame you. You're barely available to squeeze in a date/visit with her. <br /><br />The worst thing that can happen is that she doesn't have sex with you. So what? You can literally move on to the next woman on your list within the hour. Now, maybe you won't be able to literally do that at first, when you're new to running game, <i>but she doesn't know that</i>. So <i>act</i> like. If you run game well for a while, it will be true. You'll be able to shrug off a woman who rejects you and move on to one of your contacts who is ready to go.<br /><br />Never give her the idea that she's <i>the one</i> for you, the only woman you're pursuing, and that if she doesn't have sex with you, you're not going to be having sex. Nobody wants to eat in an empty restaurant. The women you'll be with want men other women desire. It's good for her to think she has competition.<br /><br />Remember: You're not looking for a girlfriend. You're certainly <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2021/05/a-lack-of-marriageable-women.html" target="_blank">not looking for a wife</a> or a woman with whom to have babies. All that matters is that you are sexually attracted to her and she will have sex with you, she's of age, and she's not dangerous.<br /><br /><b>Dress well and be hygienic and well-groomed.</b> Dress casually nice, but not like you're trying to prove you're wealthy. Keep your hands and face washed, keep your fingernails trimmed and clean. Be clean and smell nice.<br /><br /><b>Wheels. </b>If you need to drive her, and your car isn't obviously a rich man's car, then tell her it's a rental while your luxury or sports car is in the shop. If you or your buddy have a vehicle that can pass for it, arrange for your buddy to be your "personal driver" that your company has hired. You can reciprocate for your buddy. Or, use Uber, Lyft, a cab, or meet her some place walking distance from her place (if not her place).<br /><br /><b>Protect Your Identity.</b> It's best she not know your actual license plate, know where you really live, know your real job, your real phone number, or even your real name. Use services like Google Voice to your advantage to have layer of protection. <br /><br />Either you "don't use social media" or you have alternative accounts set up specifically for running game. Only use pictures you don't use anywhere associated with your real name. Lock your accounts down as much as you can. You don't want her to be able to tag you, check you in anywhere, or comment on your account, or stalk your friends. You don't want her putting pictures of you online. She might need to let a friend know you showed up and she's safe, but other than that, encourage her to put down her phone. If a date wants
to take selfies with you or video or do live broadcasts, tell her you're
trying to cut back on that and you want to focus on what she has to say.
Say "Let's put away our phones." <i>You want to concentrate on her without interference from the outside world</i>.
She should eat that up. You don't need your phone out, and if she has
hers out, it is because she's either talking to another guy she plans to
bang later or her friends, who already know she's on a date.<br /><br /><b>You're A Turn-On.</b> Create and adopt a persona she can believe about you, one that feeds into her wishes. Maybe your persona is just in town for a few days, weeks, or months on a special assignment? Maybe your persona is in and out of town a lot? Remember, she doesn't know you. She doesn't know your life story. Have at least one basic go-to persona that can adapt to the situation, who is wealthy, famous, and/or powerful, or is about to be. It's especially plausible if you base this persona on something you know. For example, if the reality is that you're John Smith and you're a plumber, maybe you're John Jones and you own a plumbing supply manufacturing company. If you're a young man who is tall and in shape, you're a hot prospect for Major League Baseball or the NFL. Whatever your body type, maybe you're the next elite golfer. If you're a skinny guy who isn't stacked, maybe nyou're a tech genius and hold patents that are being used by Apple or Amazon or whatever. Or you're a sports agent representing top prospects. Or you're a hedge fund manager. Or you're a high-end art dealer. Or a highly successful architect. Or an elite chess master. Or a plastic surgeon, especially one that specializes in labiaplasty.<br /><br /> "I don't like to bring work into my personal life" can deflect requests that you show her what you do (unless she wants to show you her labia!) or "We can do that sometime," is a good stalling tactic and presumes she's going to keep seeing you.<br /><br /><b>Set the Scene At Your Home.</b> You should try to keep things limited to <i>her</i> place as much as possible, and consider hotel/motel rooms or AirBnB before resorting to your place, but if you do take her back to your place, it should reinforce your presentation. Especially if it doesn't look like a wealthy person lives there, it should seem like it was an "emergency" rental or you're temporarily keeping an eye on the place for friend, or a friend allowed you to crash there for a night because that's just how arrangements worked out before your flight out. Be mindful of her having access to anything that truly identifies you or indicates that this is your permanent residence (like if your pictures are on the wall). This might involve having luggage visible. It could also involved having papers accessible (dining or kitchen table, coffee able, etc.) that indicate you have an enormous investment portfolio, you're being offered a lucrative and powerful contract, things of that nature. Giving her the chance to sneak a peak at these fabricated documents as you use the bathroom or pour drinks might set you up nicely.<br /><br /><b>Tactics: Think about how to do all of that above. </b><br /><br />In addition to things like Google Voice and dedicated email accounts, it might involve getting your own website domain to back up your story about being a business owner, high-end contractor, artist, athlete, or whatever. There are free, secure email services, so you can have accounts just for dating. <br /><br />It might mean business cards, personalized pens, or something of that nature which reinforce your story.<br /><br />It might mean keeping pictures in your phone to show her that indicate your expensive home is under construction/renovation, that your expensive car is in the shop, that you take expensive vacations, that you go to elite parties, that you work in high end places, etc. These pictures are easy to find or make.<br /><br />Something else to keep on your phone would be supposed voice mail messages that back up your story. Imagine telling her, "Hold on, I need to check this," and it's a message saying that you have a meeting with a very famous actor or business tycoon, or the management of a sport team, etc. Or it's your agent or your lawyer telling you some outrageously generous contract is ready for you to sign.<br /><br />Something that might come in handy depending on the location is a wedding ring band. For example, you're at a hotel restaurant bar near a convention center or major airport. There are women who will have sex with men they think are married, and then, of course, they can't expect you'll have a relationship with them.<br /><br />Not only can your wingman friend be a driver if need be, but he can play other roles (just not at the same time). For example, if you know who you want, you can send your wingman to her, and he can explain that you're the next Tom Brady or Tiger Woods, or Jeff Bezos, or whatever, and he really wants your autograph but thinks it would be better for her to approach you for it. Things like that. Get creative. Just make sure you two agree on your story. <br /><br />Your story doesn't need to hold together for years. The best sex is going to be the first three, maybe six months anyway, and if you're doing things right, the less you say, the better. Encourage her to talk until you're scoring. It will make her feel connected to you, and there's less chance you'll say something that turns her off. She'll fill in the gaps about you with her wishful thinking. So, if she asks you a question, try to keep your answer short and harmless, and deflect back to her. "I've been talking all day, what's your opinion on that topic?” or "Tell me more about your cat..." Once you get things to where you are dropping into her place, you're going to keep your interaction with her to a minimum anyway: texting to get invited or to tell her you're coming over (if she agrees), getting through the door, doing it, and then leaving immediately.<br /><br />You might want to set up a Google Alert for "your" name and email address or anything you've made up, like a phony business name, to see if a woman posts online about you somewhere that you can see.<br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /><b>The details of what works best change as time marches on and technology and dating habits change. But the basic goals are to 1) protect your real identity, home, and employment/workplace, and 2) play the kind of character that gets women physically involved quickly with minimal effort and not controlling or walking all over you. You're not looking for a wife or exclusive relationship, and you're not promising anyone that; you're dealing with women who are willing to get busy with a guy they don't know, women who are most likely not being <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2022/01/why-cant-men-be-upfront-and-honest-part.html" target="_blank">completely upfront and honest</a> with you. It's a game, and if you're going to play it, you have to know how to avoid being treated like a sucker.</b><br /></div>Kenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06136254628511801417noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917394.post-42448394764112380372024-02-23T09:13:00.000-08:002024-02-23T09:13:55.661-08:00The Horse is Out of the Barn and the Robot is Out of the Box<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><img alt="Pink Shoes Clipart" height="178" src="http://clipart-library.com/img/1144433.png" width="200" /></span></span><br />Grab some popcorn and some tea and peruse the panicked, hysterical
shrieking of the controlling women and their enablers who can't stand
the idea that more and more men will be enjoying robots that essentially
amount to advanced dolls and sex toys. [This entry is bumped up because it is as relevant as ever.]<br />
<br />
Technology is always going to be applied to sex, if there is any way it can be. This is human nature.<br />
<br />
Sex
dolls and sex robots or whatever you want to call them will never be
effectively banned. Aside from the fact that prohibiting the private
ownership and use of personal objects isn't practical, how exactly do
you ban these things without banning a bunch of other things? How do you
define a sex robot or a sex doll? Some men will stick their penises in
knotholes in a plank of wood. Are you going to ban planks of wood? No.
So, are you going to ban all robots? All dolls? All sex toys or masturbation aids? Any
three-dimensional representation of a person?<br />
<br />
Despite the
futility, some women (and the men who enable them) are trying to ban these elaborate masturbatory
aids. <br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
Some of them <i><b>can't stand</b></i> the idea of men enjoying themselves
without a woman around. <br />
<br />
Some are afraid men who'd otherwise pay these
women attention, provide them with direct financial support, and labor
for them will redirect to the robots. Such women are admitting they have
nothing better to offer than a robot, or at least the downsides they bring outweigh any positives they bring in comparison to robots. But most of these men don't want
to deal with women and wouldn't whether or not there was a robot around.<br />
<br />
Sure, especially if you're offering to broadcast him, you can find men who want to take the "action figure" everywhere. These guys are very rare exceptions, and I suspect they do it for attention, especially to upset women. And it works! Almost all people who use these masturbatory devices will keep them entirely private.<br />
<br />
It's quite entertaining to see the women who are upset about these action figures. I interact with some of them on <a href="http://www.twitter.com/TunaSafeDolphin" target="_blank">Twitter</a>.<br />
<br />
They say things like:<br />
<br />
<i>"They can't love you like a real woman!" </i>That depends entirely on how you define "love". How do modern Anglosphere wives love their husbands, exactly? Enthusiastic sex? Companionship? Respect, encouragement, consolation? Keeping the home clean? Doing the cooking, dishes, and laundry? A lot of women don't want to do those things or at least not long into a marriage. Now, they won't have to! But even if a robot can't love a man like a woman can, they also won't reject him, nag him, accumulate bills, subject him to paternity fraud, disrespect him, gossip about him, divorce him, take his money, invite her annoying mother over or to move in, etc. <br />
<br />
<i>"They can't cook, clean, or the laundry!"</i> Most wives don't do these things anymore, or constantly whine about it. And give it some time. Robots will be doing these things if guys don't want to do them themselves.<br />
<br />
<i>"You can't get a real woman!"</i> For guys for whom this is true, isn't this like telling a guy using a prosthetic leg, "You're missing a real leg!" What's the point? Should guys unable to attract a woman be denied some masturbatory pleasure? But most men who will enjoy these sexbots CAN get a woman. They just don't want one.<br />
<br />
<i>"You just don't want to deal with a real woman."</i> Right! Now you're getting the picture! You see, even if these didn't exist, many of the men who have no human companion <a href="http://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2017/01/you-dont-need-wife.html" target="_blank">still won't</a> get <a href="http://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2017/07/its-not-just-divorce.html" target="_blank">a human companion</a>. Women are deluded if they think that getting rid of these would mean they can be bitchy, butch, fat, and high maintenance and the men will have no choice but to be with them.<br />
<br />
<i>"You can't handle a real woman."</i> Well sure, these guys can. They can also handle being run over by a bus, but why would they <i>want </i>to? What we now call marriage is for the ignorant, delusional, or masochistic.<br />
<br />
<i>"This objectifies women!"</i> How? These aren't women. They are action figures. If anything, these toys free women up from objectification. And it's driving women even more batty, because women who are attracted to men usually like men to see them as sex objects, whether they admit or not. Girls have played with dolls representing women forever. Sculptors have made statues representing women. To say that is different because that isn't about masturbation reveals the problem isn't the robot, it's that the person objecting doesn't like that men masturbate.<br />
<br />
<i>"This is training men for abuse!" </i>This can't even apply to men who've sworn off women. This could only possibly be applicable to men who do have sex with women but never masturbate without these aids. But men have been masturbating, with and without aids, for all of human history. Men understand the difference between masturbation and sex. If a man doesn't the problem is definitely not the doll.<br />
<br />
<i>"But she can't say no!"</i> Are you worried that your toaster oven or television can't say no? That a tub of ice cream can't say no? That your vibrator can't say no? That the performers in a movie can't say no every time you start it? These articulated or animated mannequins are not a human. They're not even an animal or plant. They are toys. Like vibrators.<br />
<br />
<i>"But a doll is like a woman, a vibrator is not like a man!"</i> Didn't you just say that these dolls can't treat us like real women?<br />
<br />
<i>"It's sad that a man would choose this."</i> Is
it? It's sad that men get trashed in divorces, even subjected to retroactive alimony. It's sad that men are forced to pay for homes in which they can no longer live. It's sad that men feel obligated to stay in miserable, even abusive marriages. It's sad when a man is subjected to paternity fraud. It's sad when a man is falsely accused of rape. It's sad that men get duped into paying to feed and entertain a woman who parts with him at her front door so she can text her bad boy booty call to come on over and do his thing.<br />
<br />
<i>"Women can have sex robots, too!"</i> Yes, yes they can. That doesn't bother us in the slightest. Why does it bother you that men can have sex robots?<br />
<br />
These are essentially masturbation aids. If you think <a href="http://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2017/06/motivations-against-adult-media.html" target="_blank">masturbation is wrong</a>, say so. If your complaint is about masturbation or using something artificial to masturbate, then you have to give up your vibrators. "That's not the same!" That's what they said on Twitter. But they couldn't explain how. Perhaps they meant "But women like them!"? It is arguable that this is actually better than a man masturbating to the thoughts of a real woman (lusting). <br />
<br />
As far as I can tell, people who believe humans are mere molecules with no spirit that wills the body and exists after death really can't argue that advanced robots could never replace a real person in a relationship. Whats the difference?<br />
<br />
<a href="https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2017/jul/05/sex-robots-promise-revolutionary-service-but-also-risks-says-study" target="_blank">Here's an example of an article from <i>The Guardian</i> from July 2017</a>.<br />
<div class="content__article-body from-content-api js-article__body" data-test-id="article-review-body" itemprop="articleBody">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i><a class="u-underline" data-link-name="in body link" href="https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2017/apr/27/race-to-build-world-first-sex-robot">Sex robots</a>
have the potential to provide a valuable service for people who are
elderly, disabled or who find intercourse traumatic, but they also carry
ethical risks, experts say.</i></blockquote>
Experts.<br />
<blockquote>
<i>The authors behind the <a class="u-underline" data-link-name="in body link" href="http://responsiblerobotics.org/">Foundation for Responsible Robotics’ (FRR) report, published on Wednesday</a>,
believe they could herald a “revolution” in sex, helping people who
would otherwise find it hard to have intimate relationships.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>But they also raise concerns that sex robots could increase the
objectification of women, alter perceptions of consent and be used to
satisfy desires that would otherwise be illegal. Dr Aimee van Wynsberghe, assistant professor in ethics and technology
at the Technical University of Delft and FRR co-director, said: “If we
are talking about individuals who are not only disabled but have been
traumatised, in some ways this could be a beneficial instrument, if you
will, to help them in their [sexual] healing process.</i></blockquote>
Medicinal sex robots?<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>“There are absolutely some benefits to the technology but, like
everything else, there is a balance. You have to strike a balance
between lack of regulation – so we have all different uses and
personifications of children and women as sexual objects – or you have
overregulation and you stifle the technology. You have to find the way
to balance so you really can harness the good.”</i></blockquote>
I have to wonder if anyone would care about "objectification" if women or gay men use "male" robots?<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>Report co-author Noel Sharkey, professor of artificial intelligence
and robotics at Sheffield University, said their popularity will
ultimately be determined by how realistic they are and their social
acceptability. While robots look similar to humans, their movements and
speech are still crude, said Sharkey, making them a far cry from the
robotic bordello hosts in <a class="u-underline" data-link-name="in body link" href="https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/westworld">the HBO series Westworld. </a>“It might be a little niche thing or it might be something that stag
nights go to,” said Sharkey. He also raised the prospect of it being a
“safe way” for couples to experience a ménage à trois.</i></blockquote>
</div>
<blockquote>
<i>Four manufacturers are currently making sex robots, ranging in price
from $5,000 (£3,870) to $15,000, but the intention is to eventually make
them more affordable. </i></blockquote>
They will get more affordable and more realistic.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>Among those available is the RoxxxyGold, about which there has been
some disquiet because of a selectable mode – Frigid Farah – in which its
personality is described as “reserved and shy”. A paper published
earlier this year said the manufacturer claimed that if “you touched her
in a private area, more than likely, she will not be to[o] appreciative
of your advance”, leading some to claim that it is <u>indulging rape
fantasies</u>.</i></blockquote>
There's plenty of written erotica, for both men <u><i><b>and women</b></i></u> that does this already. <br />
<blockquote>
<i>Sharkey said: “Some people say: ‘Well, it’s better they rape robots
than rape real people.’ That’s one of the arguments … you can have
enjoyable [sex] with your wife - all nice - but when it comes to rape,
you have a rape fantasy, you go off and rape a robot. But there’s other
people saying this will just encourage rapists more.</i></blockquote>
That's the question, isn't it? Are these toys are more likely
to incite someone to rape or be a release that is more likely to
prevent them from raping?<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>”There are also fears that child sex robots could be created. There
are already child sex dolls made by a Japanese company owned by a
self-confessed paedophile, who claims they prevent him and other
paedophiles abusing real children.</i></blockquote>
I don't know how this can be prevented. It's very hard to stop people from making stuff they want, especially if it is something that stays in their own home, in their bedroom.<br />
<blockquote>
<i>However, Sharkey <u>is sceptical</u> of the
argument that robots can help people get over rape or child sex
fantasies, suggesting it is more likely to “encourage paedophilia and
make it acceptable to assault children”. </i></blockquote>
Based on what?<br />
<br />
Porn featuring adult women has become ubiquitous and easy to access. As that happened, rape/sexual assault of women decreased. Now we're at the point that sexual <i>harassment</i> by men is being called out everywhere and powerful men are losing their careers over it. According to alarmist, panicked prohibitionists, all these women would be publicly kept as sex slaves by now, given the mass consumption of porn, if porn really made rape more likely. Instead, these women are saying someone touched them or talked to them inappropriately and they are automatically being believed and taken very seriously.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>The
report quotes Patrick Lin, director of the ethics and emerging sciences
group, at California Polytechnic State University, who says: “Treating
paedophiles with robot sex-children is both a dubious and repulsive
idea. Imagine treating racism by letting a bigot abuse a brown robot.
Would that work? Probably not.”</i></blockquote>
Has treating racism that way ever been tried? Sexual desires aren't the same thing as racial hatred, though.<br />
<br />
One need not defend "child" dolls to defend "adult" dolls. But even if someone agrees that sex robots are a bad thing, so what?<br />
<br />
Good luck defining "sex robot" for prohibition purposes. <br />
<br />
You can't effectively ban dolls.<br />
You can't effectively ban sex toys<br />
You can't effectively ban people from masturbating with dolls. Or vibrators. Or pillows.<br />
<br />
Some
time in the not-too-distant future, a man will come home, be greeted at
the door by his robot, who will look, feel, sound/talk, smell, taste,
and move/behave in customized ways so as to maximize his arousal and
pleasure. This robot, and the machines and services that provide him
with prepared meals, cleaning, and other domestic services, will cost him far less
than half of his income, and provide him with far less frustration and irritation than a human being. There will be men who will be perfectly content to live this way all of their life.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2014/12/are-pixels-to-blame-for-decline-in.html" target="_blank">And there's not much you can do to stop that</a>.<br />
<br />
So stop wasting time and energy complaining about it. Spend your time more productively, such as being a good spouse or making yourself more productively independent.Kenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06136254628511801417noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917394.post-21216596595040957752024-02-22T07:20:00.000-08:002024-02-22T07:20:35.401-08:00The Prom is For Girls and Gays<div style="text-align: left;"><img alt="Free Flowers Image" height="180" src="http://clipart-library.com/img/1907578.jpg" width="200" /><br />We’'re heading for a Prom season again.<br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />Every normal year, I note this ritual, which has become another day, along with
"Sweet Sixteen" (or other birthdays for certain cultures, at 13, 15,
etc.) and wedding days (the the related events) that are all about
feeding the narcissism and sense of entitlement of attention-whores and
attention-whores-in-training.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Refer back to my <a href="http://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2008/04/beware-prom.html"><b>"Beware the Prom",</b></a> and <a href="http://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2009/04/its-prom-time-again.html"><b>this look at a Dear Abby column</b></a>, and <a href="http://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2010/04/prom-time-again.html"><b>this look at a different Dear Abby column</b></a> and <a href="http://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2012/01/now-bark-like-seal.html" target="_blank"><b>this entry on increasingly showy <i>proposals for dates</i></b></a>.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Stop
it, guys! Unless you're gay or trans and want to rub it into the noses of some
uptight school staff or parents by taking someone of the same sex or wearing a dress, you
don't really want to go to a dance, do you? You don't really want to
take a girl to the prom, do you?<br /><br />It a nutshell, here are my problems with the prom as it is these days:</span><br /><span><a name='more'></a></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">1) Boys wasting money.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">2)
Another event where females are princess-ized, which is a problem as
long as males are prevented, culturally/socially and often legally, from
events that cater to them and are focused on them in a similar way. Go
ahead and tell me... what event gives boys the equivalent of the prom,
where the activities are all about things <i>he</i> wants to do, with
the boys dressing the way they want to dress, the girls dressing the way
the boys want them to dress, the girls paying for it and escorting the
boys, and where the boys will go hang out with their friends during the
event?<br /><br />If you already have a date for the prom, break up with
her. If you were planning to ask a girl, especially with some elaborate
production, don't!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Some
of you guys think that taking a girl to the prom means she will have
sex with you. If she hasn't had sex with you yet, paying her way and
being her display piece for the prom almost certainly will NOT make it
happen. If she really is the kind of girl who will finally have sex
with you because you took her to the prom, it's probably not worth it.
You're far better off going straight to one of the "after parties". But
even then, you're just asking for trouble, even more so if she's
underage (even if YOU are underage). </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">You're
better off doing something else that night, even staying home and
sleeping. If you're a very bad boy, you might want to track down a
neighborhood "single" mom whose daughter is off to the prom that night
and it has her (the mom) feeling nostalgic and over the hill. Just be
careful or you'll end up a very young father.</span></div>Kenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06136254628511801417noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917394.post-79820952355090183382024-02-21T08:24:00.000-08:002024-02-21T08:24:21.858-08:00How to Keep Your Friends Free - Prevention<div style="text-align: left;"><u><b><img alt="Why birds fly, and we can't - SiOWfa12: Science in Our World" height="177" src="http://clipart-library.com/images/pTqKgX4Gc.jpg" width="200" /></b></u><br />I have a habit of writing some really <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2020/05/open-letter-to-dennis-prager-regarding.html" target="_blank">long entries</a>, but I'm going to try to post some things as series instead, to keep them from getting too long. With that in mind, I'm starting a series about how <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2020/12/what-do-i-mean-by-free-men.html" target="_blank">Free Men</a> can keep their friends free. Even if you're not a Free Man, you can use some of these tactics to help other men stay free. <br /><br />The best way to help other men stay free is through PREVENTION. Helping them from getting into <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2017/06/most-men-shouldnt-marry-nor-have.html" target="_blank">a mess</a> in the first place is the ideal. <span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">It's
best to do things proactively and prophylacticly, <i>BEFORE</i> he gets into an exclusive
relationship. <br /></span></span><br />Here's how.<br /></span></span><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Point out to each Free Man
(especially young men) in your life why he doesn't want to climb down
<a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/p/why-you-dont-want-to-do-that.html" target="_blank">that ladder</a>, down into that pit in which a woman will have more and more
control over his life.<br /> <br /></span></span></li><li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Point out that legal marriage is a <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2015/07/is-getting-married-smart-short-term.html" target="_blank">bad deal</a> for most men, <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2018/06/most-marriages-fail.html" target="_blank">most marriages fail</a>, and men can have <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2016/12/to-what-should-males-aspire.html" target="_blank">happy, full, productive lives</a> without ever legally marrying.</span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /> </span></span></li><li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">When
these guys aren't in "exclusive" relationships, point out the benefits
to them of being a Free Man and why they wouldn't want to give that up.<br /><br /></span></span></li><li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">When he's doing something he enjoys, with or without you, point out how
he either wouldn't be able to do it or do it the way he wants, or it would cost him a lot more, if
he was tied down to a woman, especially with kids.<br /><br /></span></span></li><li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Point out that being a Free Man is our default state, and even marriage-sellers say marriage is hard work and takes a lot of compromise and sacrifice. </span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></li><li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Point out to him how a newlywed woman butches up and
blimps up. There will be examples in his life and in media.<br /><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></li><li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Point out that women use sex as a loss leader and do "bait and switch" all of the time. They are on their "best behavior" during early dating because they are trying to lock him in. Things will never be better with a woman than the first 3 to 6 months. </span></span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /><br /></span></span></li><li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Point out <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2020/10/dont-be-this-guy-or-his-brother.html" target="_blank">examples</a> of men suffering because they gave up their freedom
and autonomy. They can be men you know or men in the news. Point out the
<a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2021/01/this-was-painful-to-read.html" target="_blank">beaten dogs</a>, the <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2015/12/you-can-be-right-or-you-can-be-married.html" target="_blank">emasculated guys</a>, the ones whose balls are in their
purse of the woman who owns him. Point out when guys <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2019/03/dont-waste-your-life-arguing-with-woman.html" target="_blank">waste their lives arguing with a woman</a>. Point out the men who've been or are being put through the wringer in <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2015/06/dennis-prager-on-burned-excuse-for-not.html" target="_blank">divorce</a>. <br /><br /></span></span></li><li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Point out that a Free Man gets to control his own calendar/social schedule, and how <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2017/02/a-detrimental-partnership.html" target="_blank">his money</a> is spent.<br /><br /></span></span></li><li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Point out that he <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2020/07/you-dont-need-girlfriend.html" target="_blank">doesn't need a girlfriend</a>, and he certainly <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2017/01/you-dont-need-wife.html" target="_blank">doesn't need a wife</a>.<br /><br /></span></span></li><li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Encourage him to avoid dating just one woman, and to avoid giving a woman the impression he's only dating her, and to avoid seeing any given woman more than once per week.<br /><br /></span></span></li><li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Debunk the <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2014/11/problems-with-statistics-in-selling.html" target="_blank">misleading</a> <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2016/05/brad-wilcox-tries-to-sell-men-on.html" target="_blank">marriage-selling</a> statements he might hear, like <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2020/05/do-married-men-get-it-more-and-better.html" target="_blank">the one about the sex in marriage being more frequent and better</a>.<br /><br /></span></span></li><li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Discuss <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2020/01/red-flags.html" target="_blank">Red Flags</a> with him. <br /><br /></span></span></li><li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">If a woman he's dating is giving him grief, is too much work, or possessive, point out that there are plenty of other women and he doesn't have to date her.<br /><br /></span></span></li><li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Frequently get together, whether at home or wherever else, to enjoy doing things as Free Men.<br /><br /></span></span></li><li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Share with him <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2020/07/keeping-boundaries-as-free-man.html" target="_blank">the tactics</a> you find helpful for <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2019/03/how-to-just-say-no-to-giving-up-your.html" target="_blank">staying</a> a <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2013/04/practical-advice-for-men-avoiding.html" target="_blank">Free Man</a>. For example, encourage <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2017/11/what-woman-can-do-with-your-dna.html" target="_blank">vasectomies</a>. Encourage having a<a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2020/09/guys-you-need-holiday-game-plan.html" target="_blank"> holiday season game plan</a>.</span></span><br /></li></ul><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Of course, you can send him whatever entries and pages from this blog you find helpful.<br /><br />If you have other tips you think should be added, comment below.<br /><br />This entry turned out to be long anyway, and it might get longer still. In the next installment of this series, I plan to write about what to do when he's getting into an "exclusive" relationship or already is, and might be heading for the marriage trap.<br /><br />UPDATE: Here's the <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2021/05/how-to-keep-your-friends-free.html" target="_blank">Intervention</a> entry in this series.<br /><br />UPDATE: Here's the <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2021/06/how-to-keep-your-friends-free-rescue.html" target="_blank">Recovery</a> entry in this series. <br /></span></span></div>Kenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06136254628511801417noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917394.post-19395772654664844732024-02-20T08:48:00.000-08:002024-02-20T08:48:30.433-08:00Exiting a Relationship With a Single Mother or a Childless Shack Up<u><b><img alt="Why birds fly, and we can't - SiOWfa12: Science in Our World" height="177" src="http://clipart-library.com/images/pTqKgX4Gc.jpg" width="200" /></b></u><br />
<u><b>Introduction</b></u><br />
<br />
So you've either been woken out of your stupor or the slow-building discontent has finally become too intense, and you're ready to get out of your relationship with a single mother or a childless shack up. Being with a single mother* or living with a woman brings all sorts of complications and risks. So depending on how deep you're in, there are going to be different considerations.<br />
<br />
Men who are NOT in such relationships should read this, too, to be
informed about just how much trouble being in, and getting out of, such relationships can be,
so they'll be motivated to avoid them.<br />
<br />
How deep <i>are</i> you in?<br />
<br />
If you <i><b>married</b></i> this woman (which would mean she's not a single mother anymore) and made a baby or babies with her, that's the worst of all scenarios, especially if you have adopted her children. Unless she is abusing you or the kids, the the best thing <u><i>for the children</i></u> is usually to stay put and be polite and as pleasant as possible until the youngest child is 18. The problem with that, is, in some places, like the state I live in, being married for ten years or "close enough" means you'll be paying <b>lifetime</b> alimony to her. The bulk of this entry is addressed to guys who haven't married the woman and haven't legally adopted her children.<br />
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<b>You need an exit plan for your own self-preservation. </b>If she or anyone else accuses you of not being a "real man" or that you're somehow lesser because you don't want to put up with mistreatment or someone else's responsibilities any more, just let it roll off your back. Who cares what they say? This is what they're saying, when you get right down to it. "You should spend your time, money, and energy doing things for me/her so I/she can spend more of my/her own time, money, and energy on my/herself." She might cite things she does for you, and even if she does do those things, it doesn't matter. You're not obligated to stay with her, and you can either get by without those things or get them for a lot less money, time, and effort, or with someone who is more compatible with you and brings fewer negatives to the situation. You may have some emotional discomfort over the breakup, but that would fall entirely in the realm of normal, because the relationship became familiar to you and part of your routine. The discomfort will go away and it is better in the long run to be out of that relationship.<br />
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<a name='more'></a><br />
You may want to keep some form of a journal in some format to give you some organization, clarity, and to remind yourself to NEVER TO DO THIS AGAIN!!! Don't let women sleep in your place (don't bring them back there to
begin with), don't let them leave items or receive mail/calls there. You can see women at THEIR place. If they leave items in your place, throw them away and act like you don't know what she's talking about if she asks about them. Leaving things at your place is how they start to move in. Don't allow it!<br />
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There are a lot of guys who are with single mothers or shacking up childless and want to get out. <b><a href="http://www.blowmeuptom.com/" target="_blank">Tom Leykis</a></b> tried doing a Leykis 201 hour on his show, which was for men who were
married or in relationships, but it must not have generated enough
interest because he hasn't done it in a long time. His more inclusive "Reports From the Front" seems to be more popular. I think I
have a really great Report From the Front, but I'm digressing. My most popular blog entry is about <b><a href="http://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2013/12/don-date-single-mothers-here-is-why.html" target="_blank">why men should avoid single mothers</a></b>, and this entry you're reading right now was inspired by <b><a href="http://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2013/12/don-date-single-mothers-here-is-why.html?showComment=1449338109918#c8928467708266013798" target="_blank">a comment left there by some poor fellow who had gotten mixed up with one</a>.</b><br />
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<u><b>Do It!!! This is How You Hit the Eject Button</b></u><br />
<br />
First and foremost: Even if you didn't marry her, if you live together* and/or if you've had a lot of
involvement* with her children and/or you share ownership* of anything
substantial (a home, a vehicle, financial accounts, a pet, etc.) then
you should definitely <u><b>consult a family law attorney</b></u>. A family law attorney will be essential for many of the things described in the rest of this entry - discuss all of the relevant topics below with your lawyer! Don't cheap out on this! Your experienced attorney can help you figure how to keep some of these things quiet and under her radar as long as possible to give the best chance of minimizing fallout. Laws vary from state to state and depending on certain things you've done or haven't done. <b>If you DID marry her, do NOT try to divorce her without having your own family law attorney. </b><br />
<br />
Different states have different laws when it comes to shacking up. In
some states, there is something called "common law marriage", which
means that if you've been shacking up long enough, and/or referred to
her as your wife/spouse, she gets certain privileges. And some states
have "palimony", which means you pay alimony as though you were married
even though you never got married. This is a concept that basically craps all over marriage by pretending that people who didn't marry are married, but there you go. We have to deal with things they way they are, not the way they should be.<b> Stop (or never start) referring to her as your spouse/wife/partner, no matter how jokingly or sarcastically. And stop giving her your money or spending your money on her or her kids. </b>Those are behaviors that put you at risk.<br />
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<b>If you never married her, don't live together, don't have a child with her, don't work with her or for her family, and have had little to no interaction with her children, </b>then you're in the least-worst position, meaning getting out of the situation is easier than it will be if you have more involvement. <b>All you need to do is...<br /><br /> <u>Ghost Her.</u></b> That means you stop seeing her, stop letting her come see you, block her calls, texts, emails, social media accounts, etc., as if you stopped existing or she stopped existing. Do not accept or open or respond to any mail from her. If you have any of her possessions, return them to her, either by shipping them or leaving them at a third-party location. DO NOT HAVE ANY FORM OF SEX WITH HER. You shouldn't even be seeing her at all.<br />
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<b>If you work for her family or you work with her*, or there's a possibility she may come to your office to see you or cause trouble,</b> you need to address that. If you work for her family, it is best to find a new job. Otherwise, you might want to talk with human resources and/or security where you work to warn them. Your employer's human resources staff is there primarily to reduce the risk of your employer being sued, so they should take your request to "avoid a hostile work environment" seriously.<br />
<br />
<b>If you've had a lot of involvement with her children</b>*, that is, perhaps, the trickiest of all matters. They may have bonded with you and looked to you as a father figure, especially if their father is absent, in which case this could be painful for you, but even worse, it will be painful for them. This is one big reason why you should not date single mother to begin with, and why she should not be introducing her lovers to her children (but that part is on her.) <b>Do NOT refer to her kids as "my" or "our" kids. Stop if you already have. Do NOT buy anything (more) for her kids</b> - not even presents, unless they are
independent adults, because courts have used such actions to assign child support to men.<b> There is always the chance that she/at least one of her children will seek revenge on you by making false allegations against you.</b> That possibility alone is reason enough to get a good lawyer. Some family law attorneys also practice criminal defense law, but if not, they'll have a good referral to a criminal defense lawyer (or vice versa). <b>You can suggest her kids get therapy to deal with the break up, and it is up to you if you choose to participate in that (DO NOT PAY FOR IT OR APPLY YOUR INSURANCE! It is HER responsibility.) </b>However, if you do participate, keep your involvement strictly to meeting inside the therapist's office, and do NOT let the therapist try to guilt you or get you to do anything with her or the kids outside of that office. Do not accept any pressure to get back together. If there is anything like any of that, leave and don't return.<b><br /><br /> </b>If YOU have kids who've been attached to her, well, shame on you. They might need some therapy.<b> </b>Do NOT introduce your minor children to your new lovers.<br />
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<b>If You Have Shared Accounts or Investments...</b> Open separate accounts and get removed from the shared ones. For some things, you might want to try to recuperate what you can of your contributions. She's likely to try to recuperate hers! Heck, she's likely to try to take what wasn't hers, too!<br />
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<b>If you have her on any paperwork as a beneficiary or dependent or whatever... </b>Get her off of those things ASAP. Are you paying for her car? For her car insurance? Any other insurance of hers? STOP THAT!<b><br /></b><br />
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<b>DO NOT MAKE PURCHASES FOR OR WITH THIS WOMAN. </b>No appliances, no
automobiles, no real estate - nothing more expensive than concert
tickets for a concert that is coming up within a couple of weeks (if you don't plan to be gone yet). You
don't want to create additional obligations or give any indication you
intend to build a future together.<b> </b><br />
<br />
<br />
<u><b>If You Live Together</b></u><br />
<br />
Most of what you're going to do, you're going to do as secretly and quietly as possible, until you're no longer living together. Otherwise, she might sabotage your plans or lash out at you.<br />
<br />
If you do live together (which you shouldn't - it is a terrible idea), the best position to be in is if you're living in <i>her</i> place. That's because it is far easier to leave her place than to kick her out of yours.<br />
<br />
<b>IMMEDIATELY STOP HAVING INTERCOURSE with her. </b>Also, do not allow her access to
your semen. Make sure she can't get your ejaculate. If you masturbate into tissue, flush it. (<u>UNLESS</u> you have a twice-verified sperm count of zero due to a vasectomy.) Provided she is actually still having intercourse with you, she's going to realize that something is up, no matter how good your excuses are, but try anyway. Tell her you need to see a doctor. <b>The important thing is that you don't risk getting her pregnant.</b><br />
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<br />
<b>You'll need to get out of her place or the place you share together, or get her out of your place.</b> Do not entertain the delusion that you can still live together and be "friends". Living together with her always puts you at risk of continuing to pay her way through life or accusations of abuse. No matter how separately you live in the same place, she will have a negative impact on your life. So you can't live together anymore. If/when she finds out about your plans, do NOT fall for her pleas or for her trying to change your mind by acting differently, having more/better sex, cooking or doing chores around the place, etc. You can't continue to be with her and that stuff won't last anyway, which is why she wasn't doing that stuff before.<br />
<br />
<b></b>
<b>Don't worry about how she will cope or where she will go. She's a big girl. She'll figure it out.</b><br />
<br />
<br />
Get
a <b>post office box</b> and have your mail sent there. Get one at UPS or whatever if you have to. You don't want her
getting her hands on your stuff and you don't want her having any excuse to
contact you after you're no longer living together.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>If You're Living In Her Place...</b> Prepare your landing pad before you leap. Ideally, it will be your own rental, or if you have the money, buy the house you want to die in (preferably behind a gate). If you must crash at a friend's place for a while, so be it. <br />
<br />
<b>It is best that your departure happen surprisingly and suddenl</b>y. Treat
her and her kids to a weekend away without you if you have to. You'll already have any rental agreement or homeownership paperwork signed, the keys,
the utilities turned on, and any new furniture in place, even if just a bed. Get your buddies and/or a
moving company lined up for the big moment. Have a storage rental ready if necessary (if you share one already with her, you do NOT want to use that one). If there are shared items, you may have to leave them
behind and count them as a loss. Make your move when she and the kids are gone. You want her to come back and realize you are GONE.<br />
<br />
<b>If You Are Living in a Shared Place where your names are both on the lease/mortgage...</b> Obviously, it is better to be leasing/renting than "own" together. If you're leasing/renting and can wait for the next deadline, leave when you can and make sure the landlord removes your name. You can also try getting out early. If you pay for any <b>utilities</b>, stop. Stop paying for cable/satellite/DSL/television/Internet/phone (except whatever is strictly yours, kept on your person) immediately and have them turned off. If SHE wants to pay for them with her own money, under her own name, let her. Move on to the other utilities if possible - electricity, gas, water. You want the place to be unlivable for her. If she moves out and gets her name removed from the paperwork, great.<br />
<br />
If you own a home together, that's a lot more complicated, but again, you might be able to mess with the utilities to encourage her to leave, but attorneys need to be consulted about what to do and how to do it.<br />
<br />
See immediately above as far as moving to a new place.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>If She is Living in YOUR Place...</b> It might be difficult to her get out. This is one of many reasons an attorney is essential. Again, laws vary from place to place as far as how to get people out of your home. Has she been paying any rent or making contributions to the mortgage payments? Has she paid for any of the utilities or any maintenance repairs on the place? The less of that she's done, the better. See immediately above as far as cutting off utilities.<b> Stop (or never start) referring to it as "our" place. It is YOUR place. </b><br />
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<br />
<u><b>Aftermath</b></u><br />
<br />
Remember to GHOST HER!<br />
<br />
There's a good chance she will blow up your phone, your email, your social media, and bitch about you to everyone, including on social media. Ignore/block her as much as possible.<br />
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Do NOT answer the door or in any way receive her if she comes to your place, even if she has made your favorite dish and is bringing it over.<br />
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Do NOT get together with her in any way, shape, or form... not for coffee, not for anything. No good can come out of that. I don't care if she's gotten in to the best shape of her life and she strips naked and jumps on you - do NOT play that. She's trying to get knocked up.<br />
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<br />
<u><b>What to do if...</b></u><br />
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<b>She acts out. </b>Document threats, abuse, and destruction. File police reports and get restraining orders as your attorneys advise.<br />
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<b>She has your engagement ring. </b>Your attorney can advise you, but in most places, the ring is supposed to be returned if the engagement is broken. If you gave it to her on her birthday or an anniversary or a holiday or a graduation or anything where/when gifts might be given, she might argue that it was a gift tied to that occasion and thus is not conditional. If you end up out the money, it is a very small loss compared to marrying her.<br />
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<b>There were wedding plans. </b>If you made deposits on anything, immediately see what you can get back. Since there are deadlines for some of those things, do that as quickly as possible. If you won't be able to recover sizable deposits, consider alternative uses for those deposits. For example, if you had booked a reception hall, consider throwing a party. If you had flight tickets, consider taking a trip. In some cases, it might be less trouble and less expensive to just count the deposit as a loss.<br />
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<b>She has threatened to harm herself. </b>Call the police.<br />
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<b>You didn't know your booty call/hookup/date was a single mom.</b> As soon as you DO know, ghost her, no matter how cool she seems or how good the sex has been. If you're eating or having drinks somewhere, literally get up and walk out immediately (settle whatever you personally owe the establishment, of course... let her pay for her own). Tell her you're going to the restroom if you want to placate her for long enough to make your escape. If you're driving her at the moment you find out, drive her to her place and leave her there. You don't want to spend a minute or dime more on her.<br />
<br />
<br />
<u><b>Finally...</b></u><br />
<br />
<br />
*These are all things you should have avoided doing/allowing in the first place. <a href="http://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2013/12/don-date-single-mothers-here-is-why.html" target="_blank">Never date or hook up with a woman who has minor children</a> or who works where you do or for the same employer you do, unless you don't care about your job. Never sign contracts or make major purchases for or with a woman you are interacting with socially. The only contract you should be signing with a woman is if you are strictly doing business with her. The only major purchase you should be making for a woman is for your own mother, sister, or daughter. Avoid single mothers, and avoid living with a woman who isn't your wife.Kenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06136254628511801417noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917394.post-17681731908207174362024-02-19T09:54:00.000-08:002024-02-19T09:54:07.042-08:00Breaking An Engagement<div style="text-align: left;"><img alt="Broken Heart Clipart Black And White" height="200" src="http://clipart-library.com/img/1087110.png" width="200" /><br />So you're engaged. You proposed (or maybe she did) and you gave her a ring. You might even have a wedding date, but nothing has been reserved or paid for yet. Invitations have not gone out. (If you're not engaged, just a couple, see <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2023/01/how-to-break-up.html" target="_blank">this entry on how to break up</a>.)<br /><br />You need to prevent this from going any further.<br /><br />Some people stay in perpetual "engagement" by never setting a wedding date or repeatedly pushing back the date. You should only try that if you truly like the way things are now and are certain they wouldn't be better if you were free. However, such situations are almost inevitably and increasingly filled with tension as she will try to get you more and more trapped and under her control.<br /><br /><b>The first step to breaking an engagement is to prevent further entanglement.</b> It will help if you're "very busy right now" with work or issues with your parents/siblings, etc.<br /><br /><b>If you don't live together, don't start. If you do live together, see <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2015/12/exiting-relationship-with-single-mother.html" target="_blank">what I wrote here</a>.</b> If you've been spending a lot of time/overnights at her place, get as much of your stuff that you want to keep back to your place. If she notices and asks about it, and you're not ready to hit the eject button yet, just say you don't want to clutter up her place. If she's been spending a lot of time/overnights at your place, keep in mind the things that are hers that you're going to have to send back to her. Be ready to change your locks/access codes when you do hit the eject button.<br /><br /><b>Don't make big purchases with her or for her, or sign paperwork (loans, mortgages, leases, contracts) with or for her, or open up financial or online accounts with her.</b><br /><br /><b>Don't set dates, make reservations, or make deposits for any wedding related stuff</b> (wedding ceremony, reception, rehearsal dinner, honeymoon, etc.) Delay, delay, delay. Same goes with providing her an invitation list.<br /><br />There's a lot more to it, but most of what I wrote in <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2023/01/how-to-break-up.html" target="_blank">How to Break Up</a> also applies to breaking an engagement, and I'll again direct you to <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2015/12/exiting-relationship-with-single-mother.html" target="_blank">this entry, which explains how to deal with or get out of certain entanglements you might have</a>.<br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">It's likely that breaking your engagement will be messy. The closer to the wedding date she picked and the more entanglements you have, the more of a mess it will be. (I'll write about cancelling a pending wedding in another entry.) She might cause scenes, stalk you, badmouth you, make serious false allegations against you, attack you, vandalize your property, try to argue with you, try to get back together with you and "make it work. Anything like that should reinforce that you made the right decision in breaking the engagement. You might need to get restraining orders and retain the services of an attorney.<br /><br /><a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2022/09/what-newly-divorced-or-freed-men-should.html" target="_blank">Take care of yourself</a>.<br /><br />Remember that breaking the engagement was a <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2021/12/what-is-marriage-strike.html" target="_blank">good decision</a> even if:<br /><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>It is a hassle, difficult, and disruptive</li><li>It cost you money<br /></li><li>People in your life aren't happy about it</li><li>You grew up thinking you'd be married, especially at this age</li><li>You're feeling sad, bad, or <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2022/02/what-is-running-game.html" target="_blank">horny</a></li><li>You miss certain things about her or your relationship with her</li><li>She has gone into a downward spiral</li><li>She is improving herself (that just goes to show you she took your loyalty for granted!) <br /></li><li>She appears to living it up</li><li>She is now with a guy who seems "better" than you<br /></li></ul><a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2017/01/you-dont-need-wife.html" target="_blank">Never</a> allow yourself to get into this situation again. Engagements are not for your benefit, and that's even more true about marriage. Whatever costs of pains there are in breaking an engagement, those pale in comparison to <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2022/09/marriage-transfers-wealth-and-power.html" target="_blank">marriage</a> and to divorce. As a <a href="https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2020/12/what-do-i-mean-by-free-men.html" target="_blank">free man</a>, you get to do with your time, money, residence, and life in general what you want to do.<br /><br /><b>If you have at least one child together:</b> You need to consider what is best for that child. Some people will tell you that marrying is best for the children. But as long as you are determined to be there for your children, a terrible state contract doesn't make anything better. A positive, cooperative relationship with the mother of your children does. (DO NOT conceive any more children, especially with another woman!) You might try avoiding or delaying the wedding. You definitely need to consult a lawyer. If this woman would agree to customized paperwork, like a cohabitation agreement, and a non-legal ceremony (if she really, really insists on having a wedding), it can be better than getting legally married. Point out to her that you two are doing fine already without getting the government involved. <br /><br /></div>Kenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06136254628511801417noreply@blogger.com0