What Are You Thinking?

Thirdage.com listed what it claims are the top 10 sex fantasies for men and women.

Another benefit is that you can enjoy fantasy sex with someone other than your partner without repercussions, because it occurs solely in your mind.

It does not eliminate all repercussions.

Ladies first, of course.

1. Fantasizing About Your Current Partner

As with men, this is the number one sex fantasy for most women: things you've done, or would like to do, to your partner. It seems that the available flesh-and-blood is often more of a turn-on than the unattainable.

This makes sense and is generally positive. The conflict comes in when one partner's boundaries are more restrictive than another.

2. Sex with a Man Other Than Your Partner

For women, this is most often a past lover. Some women feel adulterous or guilty reliving a particularly hot session from the past: don't. It's normal.

It may be normal and common, but it doesn’t mean it is okay. It's not the end of the world, though. This is where someone who saved sex for their partner has a moral advantage.

If it's someone new you're fantasizing about, it's the old want-what-you-can't-have-syndrome.

That's called coveting.

Being involved with a partner doesn't mean all other desirable men go away. So those adulterous feelings have to be dealt with in one way or another. The safest outlet of all is our imagination--and it's remarkably fertile.

It's a nice rationalization.

3. Sex with Another Woman

We're more likely to have same-sex fantasies than he is, probably because it's seen as more acceptable.

Female sexuality is more flexible in that regard.

4. Something You've Never Tried Before

These fantasies can include being tied up, threesomes, group sex, and watching others, among other things.

As I understand it, the Biblical thing is sex with your spouse only, and where/when you have reason to believe others will not see you. Notice I didn't write "in private". So this would eliminate watching others or being on display for others, group sex, or threesomes as a reality. Thinking about it... eh... probably not Biblical either.

Tying up? Yeah. That's something I know my wife will go for. She once stated that everything was okay "except for involving another person, an animal, or the back door." But I know other things are out, too:

1) She doesn't want to involve food of any sort (think chocolate syrup or whipped cream), as she doesn't want to associate food with sex. My thinking is that it is a plus if you're eating a banana split and you have a flashback to a lovemaking session, but apparently she doesn't. This is one reason why I say I simply like sex more than my wife.

2) Swallowing. Heck, as it is, I give her warning so she can pull away entirely. She has said she is willing to work on this, but makes a big deal about it, like we'll have to practice in the shower… but we rarely have the chance to take showers together these days. Not sure what the big deal is, since she did it at least three times leading up to the wedding. (And I don't believe it was right for us to get that carried away before we married, but we did.) I don't know what ingredient in wedding cake suddenly takes this ability away from a woman.

3) Anything that has touched her vagina during a session will not touch her lips.

I find that last one very restricting. I love going down, but doing so means no more kissing on the lips. And I save intercourse only for the very end.

While many women are outrageously experimental and imaginative in their fantasies, they often don't admit a desire for anything "kinky" to a partner for fear of being judged.

That's too bad.

5. Receiving Oral Sex

Like I said.

6. Fantasies Involving Romantic Sex

This is the one most women readily admit to, probably because it's the most acceptable.

Of course.

7. Sexual Ravaging

"Sexual ravaging" is a very common female fantasy. Passionate and forceful but rarely violent and painful, the "ravagings" in our head differ dramatically because we're always in control.

On the opposite end of the spectrum are fantasies where we force him to have sex with us, often in typically male-dominated situations like a courtroom or a business meeting.

Interesting.

8. Being Found Irresistible by a Man

Of course.

9. Working as a Prostitute or Stripper

This one's also popular with women who may be inhibited sexually in real life. In the fantasy, they indulge their true sexual selves under the guise of being paid for it. For men to pay to have sex with you is also reassurance that you're attractive: you have something men want so badly, that they'll hand over cash for it.

Men hand over cash for all sorts of things.

10. Sex with a Stranger

In reality, this sort of sex usually works out rather badly. In our fantasies, it's tremendously rewarding. This is sex for the sake of sex and the reward is pure, unadulterated pleasure. You can be as wicked as you like because you'll never see him again.

Yes, why would you want to be a generous lover with someone with whom you actually share a life?

According to the article, men share the same top fantasy. That’s what we have to say. Otherwise, we don’t get sex.

2. Having Sex with a Woman Other Than Your Partner

Often, she's a past lover, a friend of your partner, perhaps a celebrity. The psychology behind this one isn't too difficult: lots of people long to have sex with someone new and fantasy is a great way of indulging this longing without losing your partner in the process.

Actually, men tend to like variety when it comes to sex.

3. Giving or Receiving Oral Sex

Of course.

4. Sex with Two or More Women

See #2.

5. Voyeurism and Exhibitionism

Men are visual creatures.

6. Having Your Partner Masturbate for You

Watching your partner "play with herself" is up there on most men's wish lists, possibly because it reassures them that women are as into sex as they are. Also, the related fantasy of spying on her while she masturbates appeals to your curious side: what is she really up to when you're not around?

Yes, and what is the best way of pleasing her manually?

7. Anal Sex

Not really.

8. Bondage and S & M

Sure, it is common. Doesn’t really do it for me.

9. Sexual Ravaging

Yes.

10. Sex with Another Man

Not really.

What do you think? Do these lists line up with your fantasies? Is there something big they are missing? I'm rather tolerant when it comes to fantasies. What I mean is that if my wife were to tell me all of hers, nothing would bother me unless it involved kids or serious violence. Then again, women do tend to have different kinds of fantasies than men. It is often a mistake if a husband tells his wife all of his fantasies. They are more likely to turn her off, maybe even repulse her, than prompt some sort of try at them or role-playing. Most of mine are about things to do with my wife that are actually tame. Next would be about real women, especially women who aren't in my daily life anymore, that I never so much as dated. And there is also the past lovers/past experiences thing, but that is minimal. There's one famous woman I've thought about.