February 14 Will Be Here Soon, Guys!

Guys, if you're not married, you shouldn't be with a woman right now you've been seeing for more than a couple of months.

You're supposed to be scarce to such a woman until at least February 15 (or, until her the day after her birthday, or a day she considers an anniversary with you, if one or both occur soon after).

If you have a girlfriend right now, how were the holidays? How much time, money, and effort did you spend? Did you have to endure her family? Or bring her around your family? What a mess.

If you've been a free man through the holidays, keep up the good work. But if you've got a woman who thinks of you as her boyfriend or fiancé, you need to hit the eject button or get very scarce to her before we get too close to Valentine's Day.

Why?

1) So she doesn't get the idea that this is heading for a marital or live-in or even an exclusive situation;
and

2) To avoid spending money on gifts for her, an overpriced and crowded dinner, hotel rooms, or anything else she might expect.

Be scarce. Be busy, Be "working". Don't answer her calls, texts, etc. or only respond "late" to every third or fourth one, saying you're busy. (She shouldn't know where you really live, or what you're actual phone's number is - use Google Voice or something similar.)

This year, with COVID-19, you have more of an excuse to be scarce than ever before!

If she won't see you again come February 15 (or whichever day it ends up being), so be it. There are many other women, if you still want to see any.

During that time, it's fine to see women who aren't of the "commitment" or "exclusive" thinking, at least when it comes to you. or new women, and you can see a new woman who is alone and desperate on February 14, as long as you're picking her up out and about, on the fly.

Or, use that time to hang out with friends, family, catch up on hobbies, do those chores you've been putting off, etc.

You DO NOT want to be with a woman who is thinking that because you've been seeing her for a while, and you're with her on February 14, that you're going to be exclusive with her, or living with her, or heading towards marriage. You DO NOT want to have to buy her gifts, or pay her way to some party or event or overpriced dinner or hotel room. Whatever you do, do NOT get married!!! (Some people have a simple ceremony on February 14, like at a county office.)

Read more:

What Do I Mean By "Free Men"?

Stop! Don't Propose! Don't Marry!

You Don't Need A Girlfriend

Red Flags

It's One of Those Seasons

It's one of those times in which my my marriage is especially difficult. I'll probably fill you in later. I have so much content here. Take a look around. There's probably some great stuff you haven't read before.

Don't Be This Guy

This was painful to read. Today's Dear Abby has a letter from "TOO MUCH, TOO SOON":

My 25-year-old son has been dating a girl for two or three months. She seems very nice.

Your son doesn't really know her. Neither do you.

She has two children and is pregnant with her third child. She's due in three months. The child is not my son's.

What are the odds there are three different "fathers"?

I was told by some friends of my son that he's planning to sign the birth certificate as the father. He understands the implications.

No, he really doesn't. He's signing up for what could be 26 years of supporting some other guy's kid, and possibly almost as much and as long for the other kids, too. 

How do I convince him that, although he feels like he and this girl will be together for the long haul, this is a poor decision to make, especially because of the short length of time they have been dating?

So many questions.

Facebook is a Front Row Seat to a Train Wreck

[Bumped up.] Human memory is one thing.


Being able to have written/video/photographic evidence is another.

Yesterday, I noticed a couple of high school classmates of mine indicating on Facebook that they are each going through divorces. I thought back to previous updates from them and how I'd like to juxtapose them with their current updates. There's gotta be a blog or website that does this already, right? Feel free to leave the URL in the comments (always feel free to comment). And yes, I'm well aware the same could be said for this blog, in terms of comparing old entries to current entries.

Facebook can be a great chronicler to show men that present-day legal-social marriage is, in a majority* of cases, a disaster.


Thanks to Facebook and the tendency for some people to overshare, we can pull the "highlights" into a condensed timeline that depicts:


1) The lovey-dovey joint selfies. Aren't they such a cute couple?!?
2) The Very Important Engagement Photos
3) The Even More Important Wedding Date Announcement - be sure to save the date!!!
4) HER Big Day! Awwww, they're so happy!!! It's amazing what spending tens of thousands of dollars can look like.
5) The Honeymoon Period - we'll see memes posted about the profound nature of marriage and how he's her soul mate.
[There may be pregnancy test, ultrasound, and baby photos scattered throughout, but ideally they'd be here.]
6) The inevitable clear, explicit tweets disrespecting and badmouthing her husband --OR-- the cryptic vague use of memes that indicate all is not well.
7) She changes her name back and starts a seemingly endless series of jabs at her (now ex, or soon to be ex) husband, the man she couldn't wait to marry. She may also post pleas for help moving, a place to stay, etc., and may also share photos of her new boyfriend, who is either a bad-boy or is obviously wealthier than her husband.


Facebook is also handy to document that many women butch up and blimp up after getting him to sign that legal contract. Even my wife pointed out how, when a friend of mine married, it wasn't even 24 hours later before his new bride chopped off her hair. There will be fewer pictures that include her that she'll post, or fewer that include a good view of her whole body. She might post cartoons and memes about how hard it is for a married woman to avoid letting herself go.


*Guys, here are the facts:

The divorce rate for first marriages, which is much lower than second/third/etc. marriages, is 40%. Much more than 10% of the marriages that last until at least one of them dies are miserable marriages most, or a significant amount of the time. That means the odds are that getting married will mean either getting divorced or being miserable. Yes, there ARE people who beat those odds, but there's no way to guarantee you'll be one of them.

Very few of today's women are prepared and willing to be a good wife to a man who is looking for someone to take care of the home and raise children. Dr. Laura tells women to inform their husbands that, despite whatever agreements they had, they will be staying home to raise the children; that they will budget to do with less income and since they won't have the stress of working outside the home, they will have the time and energy to be attentive mothers who take the children for nice outings, prepare homemade meals, and have lots of great sex with their husbands. Now, don't get me wrong... I think children should be raised by a loving parent instead of hired help and I agree this is how things should be, but how many women actually end up behaving that way? The husband gets trashed because they can't buy things or take as nice vacations living on his income alone; the kid gets stuck in a corner with a TV and/or a tablet; the meals either don't get prepared ("You have two hands, do it yourself!") or are microwave fare; the sex isn't going to be often enough or be all that good, because she doesn't want it as much as he does and she no longer has an incentive to pretend to be as into it as he is. Again, there ARE exceptions. If you're a woman who truly does raise your own kids and you take care of the man who is providing you with a roof over your head and paying your bills, then you're awesome. You're also a very rare species.

December Is Here and That Requires Evasive Maneuvers

Unmarried men (whether you are single, in relationship, or engaged), how is your holiday game plan coming along?

Guys, December is here, and that means holidays, like Christmas, Hanukkah [now past], and the New Year. Those can be threats to free men. (If you're an American who celebrated Thanksgiving in November, you should have already taken steps to ensure your freedom won't be jeopardized, but if you haven't, you really need to act sooner rather than later.)

Now is the time, guys. It is time to become extremely scarce to any woman who considers you her fiancé or expects your relationship to head that way. If you're seeing a woman regularly, it is time to disrupt that. Don't end up spending a lot of money! Don't give her (or her family!) the impression that you're eager to marry. That is what she/they will think if you join her at events with her friends and family. You shouldn't even know any of her friends or family. You should only be seeing her when the Sun isn't visible, preferably at her place.

In taking evasive maneuvers, you're going to avoid seeing her until at least February 15. 

And whatever you do, if you haven't already, DO NOT PROPOSE!!! Don't be hoodwinked by those terrible jewelry ads!!!

There is a GREAT excuse this year to avoid her friends and family, and to keep her away from yours, and to be scarce! You "want to be responsible and need to avoid potentially spreading COVID-19."

In reality, you DO NOT want a woman seeing you as part of her family. You don't want her family members or friends or yours asking "When are you going to get married?" or "When are you going to get engaged?" Going to family gatherings with her is counterproductive since you do not want to get married. (You really, really don't.)

Don't be driving her places. Don't be getting her airline tickets or hotel rooms. I don 't care if you have points. Save those points for you!

If there is a woman who thinks of herself as your fiancée or the girlfriend, you need to become scarce NOW, and not resurface for her until February 15 at the earliest. If she breaks up with you, so be it. You're better off. If she has your ring and you never get it back (even though she's supposed to return it), consider it the price of freedom and learn the lesson that you should never ever buy jewelry for a woman who isn't your family member.

Need companionship from a woman? Now is the time to make new, casual connections. Even better, do the things you need and want to do so that when the pandemic is behind us, you'll be in an even better position.

Don't be the boyfriend or fiancé who is buying her gifts in December, kissing her at midnight at the turn of the year, spending all sorts of money and time on her to plan for February 14. Avoid all of that!!!

American Men, We Are Almost to Thanksgiving

Unmarried men (whether you are single, in relationship, or engaged), how is your holiday game plan coming along?

Thanksgiving Day is next week! It's the 26th!

You DO NOT want to go along with a woman to be with her friends or family, and you don't want her tagging along if you're going to be with yours. 

There is a GREAT excuse this year! You "want to be responsible and need to avoid potentially spreading COVID-19."

In reality, you DO NOT want a woman seeing you as part of her family. You don't want her family members or friends or yours asking "When are you going to get married?" or "When are you going to get engaged?" Going to family gatherings with her is counterproductive since you do not want to get married. (You really, really don't.) If you spend Thanksgiving with her, she's going to expect you to be getting her some expensive gifts in December, maybe even a diamond ring. AVOID THAT!

Don't be driving her places. Don't be getting her airline tickets or hotel rooms. I don 't care if you have points. Save those points for you!

If there is a woman who thinks of herself as your fiancée or the girlfriend, you need to become scarce NOW, and not resurface for her until February 15 at the earliest. If she breaks up with you, so be it. You're better off. If she has your ring and you never get it back (even though she's supposed to return it), consider it the price of freedom and learn the lesson that you should never ever buy jewelry for a woman who isn't your family member.

Need companionship from a woman? Now is the time to make new, casual connections. Even better, do the things you need and want to do so that when the pandemic is behind us, you'll be in an even better position.

Don't be the boyfriend or fiancé who is there at Thanksgiving, who is buying her gifts in December, kissing her at midnight at the turn of the year, spending all sorts of money and time on her to plan for February 14. Avoid all of that!!!

Especially Noteworthy Comments

I'm calling attention to three recent comments. The first agrees with me, but I didn't publish it in-place because it has "profanities" that I want to keep off of the blog. Yeah, I know it seems silly to a lot of people, but I'm convinced that more people will find the blog if I keep profanities off it. There are two disagreeing comments I will also include before even though I did publish them in their original place.

The first one was anonymous, left after this entry about how getting married was the biggest mistake in my life. 

F---in A, wish I thought to google this s--- before I lost my mind. You are 100% correct.

Before marriage = a complete regard for the fact that this can end anytime, therefore, regular upkeep and involvement with the day to day bulls--- while tending each others needs.

After marriage = a staggering shift in staying sexually satisfied. Can't be bothered to help upkeep the house or be bothered by anything other than what is directly an interest to her.

I become a walking ATM and start to be told how crappy of a husband I am. Even though I literally put a roof over our heads, take care of all the finances and house work. After Kids = sex is non-existent but, I better jump when she says how high because of the kid. Constantly reminded of what a dead beat dad I am, while finishing my college degree and upkeeping everything else in the mean time.

Moral of the story, marriage is a way for woman to s--- on men and not contribute jack to the relationship. Is she a good mom? Yes, she is an outstanding mom and I will never deny that. But I have been a far better husband than she has ever been a wife.

And now I don't want to divorce because I came from a single parent household and do not want do not want my daughter to grow up without a father like I did. Worse mistake of my life by far. Not saying it couldn't work, but I'd be 100% willing to bet that even if we had a kid, I would be happier had I never proposed. In my experience, most men just want the love of a good woman, and most women are willing to manipulate men to get whatever they want, and then shit on them as soon as they are no longer happy with him.

So sorry, man. 

DO NOT MARRY, GUYS!!!

Guys, You Need a Holiday Game Plan

[Bump up: NOW is the time, guys! Halloween is Saturday!]

Free Men, it's NOT to early to think about the holidays, and by that, I mean Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hanukah, Christmas, New Years, and Valentine's Day. 

There are two main considerations for you:

1) Dealing with family and "friends" who will be asking you (or pestering you) about your status as a free man. You now how it goes. "When are you going to get married?" Questions like that.

2) Avoiding spending those special days with a woman who wants to take away your status as Free Man, or will be expecting you to spend a lot of time, money, and effort on her.

This year has been different, due to the government-imposed lockdowns. 

It's possible you either have maintained a roster and bullpen of women. It's also possible you have acquired more, even if just through online communications.

Whatever is the case, don't let the temporary conditions of 2020 cause you to do something foolish and start thinking there is "the one" to whom you should hand over your freedom. 2020 is a bump in the road. Don't be so ignorant, delusional, or masochistic that you're thinking you want to be exclusive with a woman.

Dating Without Marriage in Sight

Good Catholic Husband Matt Walsh commanded people not to date if they don't want to get married. Dr. Laura has often told men they shouldn't be dating unless they're prepared to pay for a wife and kids. And she's also said people shouldn't marry until their late 20s. So I guess that means no dating for her followers until then. Here's Wash's column at Daily Wire. [This entry has been bumped up.]

It’s no secret that my generation is extremely delayed in the marriage department.

That's the first line. I wasn't aware there was a requirement to be married by a certain age.

The average age of marriage is now 27 for women and almost 30 for men.

That sounds about right.

My Ideal Wife?

If  you don't follow me on Twitter, you really should, or at least bookmark my account.

One of my mutual follows on there came into a back-and-forth I was having with someone else and asked me "What is your ideal wife?"

I now say most men shouldn't marry and that I shouldn't have married. But there was a time I drew up a profile of what I needed in a wife, to help me find my wife[1]. I thought I'd found her. I was wrong, and I should have known it. My wife PRESENTED herself as that person (in that earlier profile I compiled), but she was a fraud.

If my wife were to divorce me or die (Heaven forbid), I'd NEVER remarry, except maybe when I'm 85 years old. Aside from sex, just about everything I like to do is a solitary activity or I enjoy more solitary or with friends. So, I wouldn't remarry, and if I could go back in time, I wouldn't have married at all. 

But, as a thought exercise, knowing what I know now, what would be my ideal wife for me be if I was single, younger, and childfree? Here's the new profile I compiled.

Don't Be This Guy or His Brother

My most popular post on not dating single mothers continues to get a lot of views and comments. This one here (reposted below) is a doozy. Since that entry has so many comments, I recommend leaving your comment on the topic of dating (or not dating) women with minor children here, where it is more likely to be seen. 

I wish both my brother & I would have come up on this article sooner. My brother: Age 48 and has a 2 year old with a divorced mother of a pre-teen. Nothing but drama in that house; arguing over how to discipline the pre-teen to dealing with the bio dad and I'm not even going to reveal that he pays the $3500.00 mortgage on a house that is in her name and he has no claim in.

Oh no. Don't be that guy!

As for me: Age 47 and I'm in a relationship with a divorced mother of 2 pre teens and it sucks. No say what about the BS the kids cause and then dealing with the ex who is a felon. Always being disrespected and cleaning up around the house after them. Not to mention the boat loads of money that I have shelled out for trips and presents for these bastard rats all the while not getting so much as a thank you in return. It has now become the norm that I am no longer the man of the house, rather just a silent castrated financial source that they feel they can withdrawal funds from at any given time they wish to buy the latest stupid expensive thing trending on Tik Tok or FB or the internet; like social welfare, to be taken advantage of and to be abused with no accountability. Man O' man, I could go on for days and days about the crap that goes on here but from reading the previous posts, I think you got a clear picture of the crap that I have to deal with.

Yes! There are so many comments with horror stories from other guys.

As of last month, I'm planned on dumping soon and her nest of rats: I managed to stash away a few dollars and planned my escape, soon to an undisclosed location in another city about 35 miles away. I, at least, am able to escape and reclaim my dignity and reinsert my social status as a man once again in this twisted and deranged society that rewards reckless behavior and enables, better yet encourages the lower class to continue to have these parasitic children and at the same time promoting the view that these women are strong, brave and independent entities that have value and a wealth of knowledge to bring to the table.

Good luck! Keep us updated.

Don't believe me: Just look at all the state welfare programs out there that reward these type of people. Now as for my bother, well let's just say that he's not so lucky; going to have to take one for the team and we'll have to cut our losses. I'll remember him as the fun loving guy that he was once was and not that pansi mangina that waved the white flag and surrendered at the first sign of the enemy.

So, so sad. DON'T DATE WOMEN WITH MINOR OR DEPENDENT CHILDREN, guys! And do not marry, impregnate, live with, co-sign for anything with, or agree to exclusivity with ANY woman. 

Keep your independence. Learn to walk away, learn to say "NO!" Let HER walk away rather than giving up your autonomy or money.

Her Dreams Matter, His Dreams Don't

On the Tuesday, September 29, 2020 Dr. Laura show, during the third hour. Dr. Laura took a call from a married woman who wants to leave her position, which has six figures in pay, for something that will be close to minimum wage, at least for a while.

She said her husband was against doing that, mentioning the pay.

Dr. Laura said the caller's husband was "dismissive of her as a human being" and ignoring what would make her feel purposeful and satisfied, the "quality of your life," and it would be all about the money.

Dr. Laura said the marriage probably isn't going to survive. "So what if he things it is the wrong decision?"

Hmmm.

Partisan Politics

I haven't been using this blog as an outlet for my political (USA politics) views lately. If you don't care about my political opinions, especially if you can't handle disagreement, skip right over this.

Wife Is Itching to Tear Down Her Husband

Dear Abby can be a great column to check regularly to be reminded why you don't want to marry. DONE WITH IT IN MAINE wrote to tell the world how awful her husband is. 

I have been married for 14 years to a man a lot of people in our town think has no flaws.

That's how the letter starts. Everyone knows he has flaws. But he's respected. And that's driving his wife nuts!

He helps a lot of people, and he is also a pastor,

Pastors are supposed to help people, yes.

Not All SAHMs Are Made Equal

I do generally believe that married parenting should involve a division of labor in the sense that someone should raising the kids and someone should be considered the breadwinner.

When Dr. Laura paints a portrait of a "stay-at-home" mother, she actually doesn't want them to stay home. It's more like they are "stay-with-kids" mothers. She describes them taking their kids to parks, taking the kids along as they walk, run, or bike, and constantly playing with the kids.

And she tells women who have husbands who aren't convinced those women should quit their jobs to stay with the kids to tell the husbands that they'll be able to prepare more homecooked meals and there will be a lot more sex.

But how many of these women really live up to these things? I applaud those who do, but what about the rest?

[This entry was bumped up from late 2015. We no longer have the other two adults living with us - they were here for a couple of years or so. Most of what they did has reverted to me.]

My wife has been a SAHM since before our first child, who was planned, was conceived.

Today, the kids are in school. My wife is still a SAHM.

When Dr. Laura Tells Moms to Announce Their Switch to SAHM

Children being raised with attention, affection, a sense of security, and morality is one of Dr. Laura's top goals, which is why she condemns the use of day care and insists parents should raise their own children right up until Kindergarten, which is entered into at age 5 or 6 (boys should especially be started later, according to her). She's also big on homeschooling, but any form of daycare (including "preschool") from ages 0-4 is a no-no.

While she doesn't rule out "stay at home fathers", she says mothers are preferable from ages 0-3, and she notes that the "psychobiology" is that women prefer a man be a provider and they tend to lose respect for their husband if they earn more than him or he's home with the kids earning no income at all. Men also tend to like to provide.

So, she gets calls from employed women who are pregnant or have just given birth (again) or even have infants or toddlers who want to switch to being SAHMs, but have husbands who are opposed to that change or are at least reluctant to agree.

This is when Dr. Laura, who usually says big decisions, even getting a dog, have to have mutual agreement and if either spouse is a "no" then the change doesn't happen, leaves that principle aside. It is overruled by the importance of a mother's love. She tells the women to quit their jobs, come up with a one-income budget, to announce to their husband they will be staying home, and tell him that it will mean home-cooked meals, lots of great sex, and a more pleasant home.

That's all good, but only if the caller follows through. And only if the husband accepts the announcement. Will it be better if the family splits up than if they stay together with both parents working outside the home? Dr. Laura says men who aren't eager to be sole support for a wife and kids aren't real men, but would her opinion stop one man who is thinking along these lines from engaging in what he sees as self defense?

I'm Not Better Off From Marrying

Over and over again, men are told that marriage is good for men (by people who should admit they have ulterior motives). I maintain that more often than not, it is NOT good for a breadwinning man who has his act together. Most marriages are failures. While individual wives, through their voluntary decisions, can make a man’s life better, that is a minority and is despite, not because of, the general culture as well as family laws and courts; she can do these things without a state marriage license. Plus, you can’t be sure she actually will be net positive in a man’s life until everything has been said and done, but that man can tell if he’s living a miserable life at any given moment.

Recently I considered my own situation. [This entry is bumped up from August 2017. Significant stuff has happened since then, and not for the better.]

Am I better off because I’m married?

Another Round of Whining About Dr. Laura

A mob of "victims" is trying to cancel Dr. Laura again.

You see, ideally, according to Dr. Laura and tradcons and the like, a man and a woman marry and then make babies together and raise those babies to adulthood together.

That's not the controversial part this time.

People Dr. Laura Schlessinger Has Pissed Off

Dr. Laura has pissed off a lot of people. Here's a list that I do not claim to be exhaustive.

[UPDATE November 2019: Per my permission, this list appears in the latest book by Dr. Laura, under the title of something like "96 Kinds of People Who Hate Dr. Laura" or something like that. I'm honored.]

In no particular order:

A New Disqualifier For Wife Material

If you're a guy who is getting pressure to "settle down and marry" from anyone, I've previously told you how to get people off of your back by pointing out that there is no compatible woman for you who is wife material. Although you can eliminate all women already, there's now another disqualifier that will come in handy:

A woman can't be your wife and the mother of your children if she has nudes or sex videos out there. 

This will eliminate most women. Thanks to smart phones, most women in your "acceptable" age range for a wife have those out there. Either she has sent them to at least one person or someone else took such pictures or videos. Either way, once it is out there, it will never go away and it will always exist. Your kids might see them.

I picked this up from Dr. Laura. She warns young women and girls that good guys won't want them if they are sending such pics and videos, and let's prove Dr. Laura right!

"But shouldn't people be forgiven of their past?" Sure. But this isn't about forgiveness. It is about the environment created for your potential marriage and family created by something that will never go away. You have every right to say you don't want a wife who has nudes or sex videos out there. Just like women are free to declare they will never date a guy who watches porn. Standards are good things, right?

Honestly, I wouldn't give a crap if my wife had such media out there. Actually, if she had ever been that sexually adventurous things might be better. And you might not care either. But the important thing is that it is another valid way for you to continue to avoid marriage, so you can pretend to care.

Very, very few women are wife material.

Very few or none of them are compatible with you.

So don't marry.

That Boy Needs the Real Facts of Life

A recent Dear Abby letter from HEAVY-HEARTED MOM shows why parents need to give teen boys and young men the real facts of life.

My son, a high school senior, was in a relationship with a young woman who broke up with him and began dating his best friend.

There's your first problem. A high school guy shouldn't be in a "relationship".

He was heartbroken.

He needs to learn not to care. Seriously. I know he's young. But he should still strive to get to where I was at one point: I was dating a woman for a while... maybe a couple of months. One day she told me that she was going back to her ex-boyfriend. Didn't bother me in the least. Why? I hadn't expected it to last, I had already gotten what I wanted, and there were other women to date. Not dating her simply freed up my time for others. I hadn't made her the center of my world. He shouldn't have made this girl the center of his world.

Revisiting My Revisting of My Series on the Claim Married Men Get More Sex

In December 2016 I wrote:

It's been more like once every three weeks now, although my wife has just agreed to try to get it up to three times per week. The problem is, after everything that's happened and the things she's said repeatedly, including recently, and done, it is difficult for me to be turned on to her. Sex is a burden and chore for her and she deliberately avoids orgasms except for rare times. Yes, I'm still physically attracted to her and want to enjoy her body and treat her well, but treating her well seems to be leaving her alone, and emotionally it's a mess. Like just about every other plan to which she agrees, the plan to at least make out more often will probably be dropped quickly.

Yeah, that didn't even get off the ground. Once every three weeks or less, and usually it is one-sided, as in she will give me some relief while expending as little energy as she can, and that's it, or she will let me do what I can for her (which I enjoy a lot) and she will be "unable" to do anything to me.

I Don't Know Why Dennis Prager Has Been Divorced Twice

People occasionally find this blog because they want to know why talk show host, public speaker, author, and columnist Dennis Prager has been divorced twice.

I don't know why, other than the fact that he married.

You can't be divorced if you never marry.

These days, it sounds like he's happy in his third marriage, which, if it holds, will beat the odds.

You can read his columns mentioning marriage, view Prager University videos about marriage and female-male interactions, and listen to his weekly "male/female" hour to get some clues, but I've done those things and I really don't know why he's twice divorced. Maybe he wanted more sex. Maybe he was too kinky. Maybe his exes couldn't abide his honesty that husbands still enjoy looking at other women. Don't know.

If I recall correctly, he sees marriage as a contract (as does the law, by the way, but Prager thinks it has some different terms than the law), and if one spouse refuses to live up to the contract, divorce is not only acceptable, but often the right thing to do.

I don't know if he filed or his two ex-wives filed.

Maybe he doesn't think it is fair to talk about why his marriages ended, given that his ex-wives don't have the media soapboxes he does. Maybe he's ashamed or embarrassed. Or maybe he thinks he's entitled to a private life, which he is.

Still, I am curious and so are others. My curiosity is based on his consistent insistence that a guy must marry to be a man and his marriage-selling. It sure would be interesting to know why his two divorces happened and what the terms were.

As a bit of an aside, he maintains that divorce isn't really bad for the children, it is about how the spouses-then-ex-spouses behave that an be bad. But by the same logic, marriage doesn't make a man mature or better. It is how he behaves. So men can display all of the character traits he values without signing a bad state contract.

An Unique Escape Hatch For Engaged Men

Sir, are you engaged to be married?

The National Emergency and global pandemic we're dealing with right now gives you an unique escape hatch to avoid marriage, especially if your wedding is scheduled and rapidly approaching.

Service providers are shutting down. Venues are closing down. People aren't traveling.

How can you have or even plan a wedding in these circumstances?

Tell your fiancée that the wedding needs to be delayed. Most likely, she will agree, because she wants the big party, and the series of associated parties, and those just can't happen with things like this.

Now, there's a chance she'll say she wants to go to the courthouse or the county office and have a small legal ceremony, and she will probably include that the big formal wedding, or at least reception, can be later.

Try to convince her that it would be best to wait and keep the legal wedding as the same thing as the big ceremony.

Then, while the wedding is "delayed," you can plan your escape. No, you can't keep the relationship. She's going to want to get married.

Desperate situations call for desperate measures.

Congrats to the Guys Who Avoided the Prom and Promposals

If you were enjoying your time in high school, you might be bummed that it was abruptly ended for you, especially if you were a Senior.

But guys, at least you have avoided The Prom and, hopefully, an embarrassing Promposal.

You're better off.

Shut In

Today, Dennis Prager wondered on his radio program if the shutdown, and having to stay home, is causing unmarried guys to think they should've married.

I'm confident far more husbands are regretting that they married than there are unmarried guys wishing they were married.

I would be much better off right now if I was living alone.

Meanwhile, on yesterday's Dr. Laura show, there was a woman complaining that with the shutdown, her husband wanted too much sex.

Stay free, guys.

Valentine's Day Aftermath

Are you an unmarried guy who just spent a lot of money and effort on Valentine's Day, only to get what you used to get all of the time? Or did you get less than that?

Did you even propose marriage and give her a ring?

If you're not married, and you just made a big deal about Valentine's Day, and especially if you proposed marriage, you need to step back and think about what you've done and you are doing. Are you regretful? Are you doubting? Are you asking yourself "Why did I do that?" If not, you probably should be.

Most men shouldn't be in exclusive relationships, and certainly not marriage!

Most unmarried men, if they play their cards right, can get everything they want without spending a lot of money and energy on Valentine's Day, birthdays, holidays, or anniversaries.

If there is a woman who is planning to marry you this June, or any other time this year, you probably need to put the breaks on the relationship, especially if there are any red flags. If you're shacking up and/or if she has kids, plan your escape!

You don't need to be married. And there's a good chance that, deep down, you don't really want to be.

So, get out. And learn to be scarce so that you won't get trapped into wasting money, effort, and time on things like Valentine's Day or meeting a woman's family or friends for holidays.

Pay Attention, Free Men

All of you "single" men, you guys who aren't married, aren't engaged, aren't shacking up, and aren't in an "exclusive" relationship...

Are you paying attention this week (the one with Valentine's Day)? Are you hearing/seeing all of the ads telling men they need to buy the right things for Valentine's Day? Are you watching your buddies, male relatives, male coworkers who aren't free men stress out? Are they distracted?

They know that if they don't jump through all of the hoops the right way, there's going to be Hell to pay.

Some of them might be hoping (probably a futile hope) the woman to which they're attached will do things with and for them that those women used to do all of the time, without even being asked. Or, the guys are simply hoping not to be disparaged, not to be served with divorce papers in late February.

Do you want to put yourself through that? Of course you don't. Especially because it isn't worth it. It is NOT worth it. But these guys feel like they HAVE to do these things. Don't ever make yourself one them.

These poor beaten dogs are going to crawl, grovel, shell out way too much money for goods and services they can get for much less money mere days later.

Pay attention, you free men. And let it be a reminder of why you don't want to be in that position.

Enjoy February 14. Stay home, or hang out at a buddy's place. If you MUST have female interaction, there will be women out there, and they will be easy pickings. You can find them at night, when it is "too late" to take them to an expensive dinner.

February 14 Will Be Here Soon!

Guys, if you're not married, you shouldn't be with a woman right now you've been seeing for more than a couple of months.

You're supposed to be scarce to such a woman until at least February 15 (or, until her the day after her birthday, or a day she considers an anniversary with you, if one or both occur soon after).

If you have a girlfriend right now, how were the holidays? How much time, money, and effort did you spend? Did you have to endure her family? Or bring her around your family? What a mess.

If you've been a free man through the holidays, keep up the good work. But if you've got a woman who thinks of you as her boyfriend or fiancé, you need to hit the eject button or get very scarce to her before we get too close to Valentine's Day.

Why?

1) So she doesn't get the idea that this is heading for a marital or live-in or even an exclusive situation; and

2) To avoid spending money on gifts for her, an overpriced and crowded dinner, hotel rooms, or anything else she might expect.

Be scarce. Be busy, Be "working". Don't answer her calls, texts, etc. or only respond "late" to every third or fourth one, saying you're busy. (She shouldn't know where you really live, or what you're actual phone's number is - use Google Voice or something similar.)

If she won't see you again come February 15 (or whichever day it ends up being), so be it. There are many other women, if you still want to see any.

During that time, it's fine to see women who aren't of the "commitment" or "exclusive" thinking, at least when it comes to you. or new women, and you can see a new woman who is alone and desperate on February 14, as long as you're picking her up out and about, on the fly.

Or, use that time to hang out with friends, family, catch up on hobbies, do those chores you've been putting off, etc.

You DO NOT want to be with a woman who is thinking that because you've been seeing her for a while, and you're with her on February 14, that you're going to be exclusive with her, or living with her, or heading towards marriage. You DO NOT want to have to buy her gifts, or pay her way to some party or event or overpriced dinner or hotel room. Whatever you do, do NOT get married!!! (Some people have a simple ceremony on February 14, like at a county office.)

Read more:

We're Almost to February 14

Stop! Don't Propose! Don't Marry!

Now is the Time, Guys

How Have the Holidays Been So Far?

The end of the year is rapidly approaching. How have the holidays been for you so far?

If you're in a relationship (unmarried), how has that been going? Has it been stressful? How has it been, dealing with her, her family, her friends, etc.? How has she interacted with your family and friends? Remember, she's auditioning. This is the best it will ever be. If you marry her, she will likely think she doesn't have to try anymore. She doesn't have to pretend to like your family or friends. She doesn't have to hold back from whining, nagging, complaining, cajoling.

If you haven't hit the eject button yet, do it before the year closes out. You don't want to be with her at the stroke of midnight as 2019 becomes 2020.

Read this and follow the links.

I know.

I didn't see any of my original family or friends for Christmas. I spend the whole date with my wife's family.

Thinks were, comparatively, much better than some other Christmases I've spent with her family, but it was still mostly a day sitting around wishing I was with my parents and siblings or home, being tired and having to drive in bad conditions but having to wait for when she had had enough, meaning driving conditions were much worse than when I would have left. And again, this was comparatively good. There have been some awful Christmases with her family.

Stop! Don't Propose!

Guys, if you're thinking about proposing as a holiday surprise or just because you think it is a romantic time of year to propose, DON'T DO IT.

Odds are, proposing is a mistake. This is a statistical fact.

Consider:

1) 33-40% of first marriages end in divorce. It is well over 50% for second marriages (70% if stepchildren are involved).

2) Enough of the other marriages are problematic enough of the time that literally, between divorce and "bad" marriages (including marriages that effectively end but don't legally divorce, or in which one spouse dies or is killed by the other before divorce could take place) most marriages are a mistake.

3) On top of that, add in the engagements that don't make it to marriage that end with drama and/or bitterness.

So, statistically, proposing is a mistake, a very big mistake.

December Is Here and That Requires Evasive Maneuvers

Guys, December is here, and that means holidays, like Christmas, Hannukah, and the New Year. Those can be threats to free men. If you're an American who celebrates Thanksgiving in November, you should have already taken steps to ensure your freedom won't be jeopardized, but if you haven't, you really needs to act sooner rather than later.

Now is the time, guys. It is time to become extremely scarce to any woman who considers you her fiancé or expects your relationship to head that way. If you're seeing a woman regularly, it is time to disrupt that. Don't end up spending a lot of money! Don't give her (or her family!) the impression that you're eager to marry. That it what she/they will think if you join her at events with her friends and family. You shouldn't even know any of her friends or family. You should only be seeing her when the Sun isn't visible, preferrably at her place.

In taking evasive maneuvers, you're going to avoid seeing her until at least February 15. She might not agree to see you when that time comes. That's a small price to pay compared to having to spend the time and money that it would take if you were with her in-person through the holidays. 

Guys, It's Time to Go Ghost or Hit the Eject Button

Now is the time, guys, especially in the USA, where Thanksgiving is rapidly approaching. It is time to become extremely scarce to any woman who considers you her fiancé or expects your relationship to head that way. If you're seeing a woman regularly, it is time to disrupt that. Don't end up spending a lot of money!

[Bumped up! Procrastinators, ACT NOW!!!]

It's Not Too Early to Think About the Holidays

Guys in the USA (and some of this might apply to some of you men in other countries), Thanksgiving will be here before you know it. It's Thursday (of course), November 28. Unless you're so ignorant, delusional, or masochistic that you're thinking you want to be exclusive with a woman you've been seeing, perhaps you should set up a tickler on your phone for mid-November as a reminder that you're going to need to avoid any woman you've been seeing regularly. This is especially needed if you've made the mistake of letting her think of you as a potential husband, or a boyfriend, or committed - or you've met her family or friends.

You do NOT want to be with a woman you've been seeing regularly on Thanksgiving, on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, on New Year's Eve, on February 14, or on her birthday if it falls during that time or soon after. Same goes for any day during that time she considers an "anniversary" with you.

You need to avoid such a woman for that whole time: from at least November 28 through February 14.

Why?

1) So she doesn't get the idea that this is heading for a marital or live-in or even an exclusive situation; and

2) To avoid spending money on gifts for her, airfare, hotel rooms, parties, etc.

Be scarce. Be busy, Be "working". Don't answer her calls, texts, etc. or only respond "late" to every third or fourth one, saying you're busy. (She shouldn't know where you really live, or what you're actual phone's number is - use Google Voice or something similar.)

If she won't see you again come February 15, so be it. There are many other women, if you still want to see any.

During that time, as long as it isn't Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Eve/Day, or New Year's Eve, it's fine to see women who aren't of the "commitment" or "exclusive" thinking, at least when it comes to you. or new women, and you can see a new woman who is alone and desperate on February 14, as long as you're picking her up out and about, on the fly.

Or, use that time to hang out with friends, family, catch up on hobbies, do those chores you've been putting off, etc.

You DO NOT want to be with a woman who is thinking that because you've been seeing her for a while, and you're with her on those holidays and special days, that you're going to be exclusive with her, or living with her, or heading towards marriage. You DO NOT want to have to meet her friends and family. You DO NOT want to have to buy her gifts, or pay her way to some party or event or overpriced dinner or hotel room.

Read more:

We're Almost to February 14

Dealing With the Holidays

Stop! Don't Propose! Don't Marry!

Now is the Time, Guys

Who Am I? Why Am I Here?

Hey you. Yes, you. You might be wondering who I am and why this blog is here.

I'm a married middle-aged father living in the USA. I have steady career work and a four-year college degree. I'm the breadwinner for my family. I'm married to my first (and only) wife and I'm her first husband. Neither of us have children other than the ones we made together, after we married, and are raising. Neither of us shacked up with anyone before we married each other, nor did we live together before we married. We've been married well over the threshold of time that my state would order me to support her for life should we divorce.

I have opinions and experiences I want to share and questions I want to ask. These days, my main goal with this blog is to serve as a warning to other men that most of them should not sacrifice themselves for what our laws and culture now call marriage and fatherhood. For most men, it won't be worth it, even if your brain chemistry and your psychology try to cover up for making terrible decisions by trying to fool you into thinking that you really didn't do so badly by marrying and making children. Most men should be on a marriage strike.

Statistically, due the factors I mentioned in that second paragraph and other factors, my marriage is supposed to be a happy one. That's what "they" say anyway. And my wife probably would tell a pollster it IS a happy marriage, and if I was being polled in front of her, I'd have to agree. But the reality is, it isn't a happy marriage. Poke around the blog and you'll see why.

So, that's the brief overview.

I welcome comments on almost all the blog entries, whether you agree or disagree with me, but if yours looks like s-p-a-m or something from a b-o-t, it won't get published. Also, please watch your language as I try to avoid publishing profanity. You can also interact with me on Twitter.

Things Not to Say When On the Dr. Laura Show

I was already working on an very considered entry here about how to get through a call with Dr. Laura. She mentioned on the show Monday, October 28, 2019 that "someone" (might have had me in mind... no, seriously) should come up with a list of things not to say while a caller on her show.

So, here they are, in no particular order.

Things Not to Say When On the Dr. Laura Schlessinger Show

Women Get Something Out of Shacking Up, Fornication

This is something I wrote several years ago. It is as relevant as ever.

There Are None Good

Late in her show on Thursday, September 12, 2019, Dr. Laura took a call from a wife who said her husband's nephew was "verbally abusive" to her, which Dr. Laura had her change to nasty or mean or whatever, dropping the "abuse" word. The nephew had indicated his marriage was based on his wife's family's wealth, the caller had spoken up against that, and the nephew responded, with rude words, to tell her he didn't care what she thought.

Because of this, the caller's husband agreed to cut short their visit and leave the next day.

Apparently that wasn't enough for Dr. Laura. The husband was supposed to do... something... to the nephew. She didn't say what, which is very telling. Probably a statement of some sort, even though Dr. Laura also tells callers not to waste their breath with pointless confrontations, and "you have no power" and all of that. I guess maybe the point would be to show his wife that he cares? But that hasn't been enough of a point in so many other situations.

Anyway, the caller said her husband is a great husband, and Dr. Laura insisted he wasn't! He's not a great husband because he didn't tell the nephew off?!? Or do whatever unexplained thing he was supposed to do? He could be a great husband in a million ways, but because of this, he's not a good husband?

As she explained, a husband's top priority is to protect his wife. OK, the nephew was rude to her. It's not like he stole from her, physically threatened her, or even questioned her honor.

So, the caller's husband isn't a great husband.

But if that's the standard, there are none that are good. No husbands, no friends, no parents, because everybody is imperfect. This has been a recurring thing on the show lately. Dr. Laura's opinion of a friend suffered because that friend put her in touch with a possible date Dr. Laura decided was dishonorable. She also recently sounded like she had lowered her opinion of someone else she knows because (and Dr. Laura was intentionally very vague about it) that person suggested Dr. Laura interact with someone in the media she apparently loathes. My guess is that it was a suggestion for helping to promote her upcoming book.

Callers need to take note. Be very careful what you say, or you might get sidetracked by a declaration that someone in your life is terrible and you're in serious error for calling them a friend, or staying in touch with your mother, or having married your husband. Please don't misunderstand what I'm saying. Dr. Laura is absolutely right most of the time when the caller's focus is to describe an individual's ongoing or repeated actions in great detail. But in situations in which only one relatively minor issue can be described, no strangers should make a judgment that the person's overall performance as a parent or friend or spouse or coworker or boss or employee should be declared bad.

Dr. Laura typically does 15 hours of radio per week. In an average week, she hits the nail on the head 98 percent of the time. That's why the times I think she falls short stick out to me so much.

Attention Radio Hosts Whose Shows Are Sold as Podcasts

If you're not going to post an hour of your show, for whatever reason, that you did live, please post a note to that effect. I suppose it is too much ask for a reason, too? Some of us actually WANT TO LISTEN to your show, and yeah, some of us are a bit compulsive about.

The talk radio hosts I listen to the most all have podcast versions of their shows that can be subscribed to for month or a year at a time, at a cost. The "in-show" live ads they read are included, but the "breaks" aren't, which is convenient. Each hour of the show is posted separately, as a separate file to play or download.

When Dr. Laura is out and the show is a "Best of" (a re-run), the brief description of the podcast hours will usually include that it is a "Best of". Sometimes, the same hour will be mistakenly posted as two different hours, and that will usually be corrected the next day the show is live. So, if that happens on a Friday, on Monday the staff will correct it.

I have paid subscriptions currently to Dr. Laura, Dennis Prager, and Michael Medved. Prager's podcast descriptions will also note when the show is a re-run or when a guest host is filling in. My gripe is about Medved's podcast. It seems that every week or two, there'll be an hour that is simply not posted at all. There will be a listing for Hour 1 and Hour 2 on Thursday, no mention of Hour 3, and then Hours 1, 2, and 3 for Friday. That sort of thing. There won't be a mention of the missing Hour 3. Or, as happened recently, there'll be an hour listed and described, but the file is actually something that's just four minutes long, instead of the usual 36 or 37 minutes.

Tweeting at the official account doesn't help.

I'd love to recommend Medved's podcast, but if we're not even going to get an explanation, let alone the actual content for which we paid, I'm reluctant.

Yeah, it's a First World problem. I could go back to listening to the shows live. It's far more convenient for me to listen to them once they're packaged as podcasts.

Do the Dreams of Men Matter?

Dr. Laura has repeatedly told male callers to her show (either directly or through their wife calling) that it doesn't matter if they hate their job, they need to (financially) provide for their family and not be concerned with following some dream.

During yesterday's show (August 21, 2017) [yes, this entry has been bumped up] during the third hour, she got a call from a woman who has been a SAHM, formerly a dental assistant, who was going back to work due to her kids aging out, but as a preschool (= daycare, which Dr. Laura usually rails against) teacher. The woman prefers doing the preschool work, but the dental assistant work, which she could get, pays far more, and her husband wanted her to take that work instead of the preschool work, to facilitate saving for retirement.

Now, Dr. Laura has declared she'll never retire and she says she can't understand people who retire "early" (despite telling men to do jobs they hate), so that might have played into her answer. Most people do want to retire, though.

Dr. Laura specifically told this woman to follow her dream and do the preschool work, and to tell her husband she's going to budget to save money. She tells wives these things (like when she tells a wife to tell her husband she'll feel sexier if she can quit her job), but I wonder how many actually follow through and budget, and are more frequent/enthusiastic lovers? My guess is many don't. There may not be all that much they can do to save more money, or maybe the husband doesn't want to cut back on their current lifestyle? In this case, the kids were off the college so that was probably going to be a big financial strain.

Dr. Laura further said that she doesn't know what has happened to today's males, who are, in her estimation, telling women to "go be a slave, forget about your dreams and earn income". This is very revealing. Are husbands slaves? Anyone clued in to MGTOW would say yes. I'm right there with Dr. Laura when the kids are young and there needs to be a parent with them. One parent (usually the husband) needs to earn income and the other (usually the wife) needs to be primarily concerned with caretaking of the children. But that's not what we're talking about here. We're talking about empty-nesters.

What has happened to today's males? Here's what has happened: It costs more to live longer. Husbands know career disruption is a big thing now and they can't count on having their job until retirement. Also, there are an awful lot of wives out there who decided to leave their marriages, and if they are earning nothing or significantly less than their husbands (as most wives do), they are getting alimony payments, and depending on the state, for the rest of their lives!

The caller's husband is trying to secure their joint future. If they're going to need care, that's going to cost. If they're going to want to travel, that's not cheap. If they're going to be paying for their kids' education and weddings, that can easily total hundreds of thousands of dollars.

So... do the dreams of men matter?

We're not talking about the needs of children. That's out of the picture at this point. Now it becomes a question of whose dreams matter more. His dreams appear to be centered on the two of them together. Her dreams are about what she's doing with her day.

If is important to note that Dr. Laura frequently refers to a man marrying as a man "laying down his life".

Men: Want to pursue your dreams? Want to live your life instead of laying it down? DON'T MARRY. When you marry, it becomes all about her. And if you have children it is all about them. So don't do those things. Now, Dr. Laura and others  might accuse you of being selfish or immature or "afraid of commitment" or some other negative label. So what? You can console yourself with all of your freedom and financial security and enjoying your dreams and NOT dealing with nagging and hostility from the person who is sharing your home. That way, the woman you would have married can work whatever job she wants to. She won't have to deal with your request she be a "slave" like you have been.

Dating and Courting Are Not the Same Thing

I wish I had waited longer to finish up this entry about something Dr. Laura said on her show recently, because this past Tuesday (8/13/2019) she elaborated on her position about dates. I've been listening to her for decades and I don't remember her ever saying it so clearly. There might have been a couple of times I heard her saying the caller was dating a bum because he had gone on a date with someone else, but usually there were other problems with him, so I didn't catch it.

I agree with her on so much, but this is an area in which I think she's far too limiting and most of her listeners will not conform because it is generally understood that going on a few dates with someone doesn't make the people dating an exclusive couple; it is expected that they might be going on dates with other people as well, at least until they have a "define the relationship" moment, agree to be exclusive, or agree "we are girlfriend and boyfriend".

That's how it always was with any woman I dated, including my now-wife. My wife had the same understanding.

So Glad I Could Help

A comment was left on this entry of the blog. I wanted to highlight the comment, but I'm also putting it here because I wanted to "censor" it because I really don't want profanities on my blog. I don't mind people using profanities in private with me. I just don't want them on my blog.

William D.

Just found your blog at 6am in a hotel room away from my Wife and 4 year old daughter because initiating a divorce got me shooed out. Hooked after reading 1 post and stayed because of your positive personality. Might sound ironic to some that I say “positive” but honestly it takes a positive, brave and mindful person to come to terms with what’s going on, accept it and take the best route. It’s easy to go into a downward spiral of resentment and f--- things up (extreme example: Chris watts) Just reading reminds me that I am not alone and grounds me to deeper consciousness. Thanks Ken!

William, thank you so much for your very kind comment. I am so sorry for what you're going through and for what your daughter is going through. I sincerely hope you and your wife can patch things up, at least well enough and long enough that your daughter will be raised in a supportive home. If that doesn't happen, I hope you will be able to be there for your daughter as much as possible.

Guys, the best way to avoid a situation like this is to avoid conceiving children and refuse to marry.

Men Going Their Own Way - MGTOW

As I've understood it, Men Going Their Own Way is about men not getting into dependent relationships with women, whether that means avoiding social interactions with women entirely or exclusive dating relationships, and certainly refusing to marry or co-parent with a woman. I have also understood it to mean not being dependent on, nor reinforcing, gynocentric governments or certain other institutions. MGTOWs are certainly marriage strikers, but not the only ones. There may be some people who can be identified as both MGTOW and MRA (Men's Rights Activist) but not all MGTOWs are MRAs and not all MRAs are MGTOWs.

Faithful Leykis 101 students, who, while pursuing casual sex, avoid exclusive dating/romantic relationships, avoid living with women, avoid interacting with women in the workplace any more than strictly necessary, avoid conceiving children or co-parenting, fit in with the MGTOW movement, although Leykis, a self-proclaimed libertarian Never-Trumper, has stated he perceives MGTOW to be a co-opting of Leykis 101 with Trump support, and perhaps other things he doesn't like, added on. I think I heard him or others suggest MGTOW is racist, which doesn't seem to be the case at all, as I see men of all races active in the movement and most racists in social media strongly urge people of their own race to marry and pop out a lot of children.

My understanding of the MGTOW movement is that it is international, non-partisan, and generally welcomes men across the political spectrum (although it opposes laws and government projects and programs favoring women) regardless of religion, race, or ethnicity. Given MGTOW concerns about gynocentrism, it is understandable why they would have supported Trump as the only alternative to a President Hillary Clinton.

While there may be some incels (involuntarily celibates) who hide behind the MGTOW label, most men in the movement, which deliberately seeks to avoid marriage or any interdependent relationship with a woman, are NOT incels. They are VOLUNTARILY celibate (unmarried), whether they are chaste or they are fornicating. Indeed, many of them have been married and many are fathers. 

Don't Be Like Me

There was a time I was unmarried, child-free, and living a darn good life. [This entry is bumped up from October 2016 as it is still relevant. The updates included below were added a while ago, and things have not improved.]

To be sure, I was working a lot. I had a full-time job, a part-time job, and I freelanced. But the part-time job and the freelancing were mostly about having fun and interacting with my friends. Since I had budgeted my living expenses based on just my full-time job, everything else I earned went directly into savings.

And saving I was. And investing. I was on track to be able to retire very comfortably.

I was renting. Sure, it wasn't owning, but it also meant that no problem with the property was my problem - it was the landlord's, and I had the easy option of moving if I needed to. As it was, I was living a short drive from my full-time job.

I was hanging with my friends and spending time ALONE (which I very much enjoyed) in my free time and otherwise doing what I wanted to do.

As long as I showed up to work, filed my taxes, paid my rent, paid my utilities, and paid my credit cards, which I easily paid off every month, I was meeting my obligations - and I had no trouble doing any of that. I had no mortgage, no property taxes, no homeowner's insurance, no car payments, no school payments, no medical bills beyond insurance and a small co-pay for doctor visits, no student loan payments.  I didn't even need exercise equipment or a gym membership because one of my jobs kept me in shape.

I was fully able to shop for and prepare my own food, take care of my laundry, and keep my place clean.

Basically, my biggest problem was scheduling. If I wanted to do something that was going to take place when I normally worked, I needed to ask for the time off well in advance. Or have a good enough track record to take a sick day.

I had also gotten the hang of dealing with women so as to avoid spending any more time, money, energy, or emotion than necessary. There were women who were all wrong for me, who tried to get their hooks into me, and I limited interaction to what I wanted. I went on dates, and didn't sacrifice my wallet or myself in doing so.

It was a carefree life.

I decided I was open to marriage and fatherhood, if I found the right woman with whom I could do these things. (Before that, I was under the assumption that I should seek to marry and raise children.)

My mistake was believing that such a woman could possibly exist.

It's Amost His Time

There are two basic models of "relationships" that "work" for men.

The first is the all-in, marriage-minded one. Granted, this fails most of the time as either she divorces you, or cheats on you, or kills you, or becomes indifferent towards you, or unbearable to live with. But for a few people, usually people who are both enthusiastically following a conservative religious framework together, it "works" in that they stay together and won't admit to entertaining a desire to have a different life.

The other is the Leykis 101 life or something very similar to it, in which a guy is just enough of an aloof jerk that women will hook up with him for a while without expecting much from him. Guys can get just about all of the sex they want without any of the stuff they don't want (paying her bills, dealing with her friends and family, etc.)

If not one of those, a guy "should" be full-on MGTOW and stay out of the mess entirely. Because otherwise, you get people like this guy who wrote to Dear Abby.

Let's look at the letter from SOMEBODY'S BOYFRIEND IN MICHIGAN. 

More Angry Single Mothers

I have this thing about trying to keep the text on this blog free of "cussing", to keep it like something you'd heard on broadcast terrestrial radio. I even have a warning where people comment saying that their comment won't get posted. But people do it anyway. Sometimes, I want to address their comment. That means I have to copy/paste/edit their comment to remove the cussing.

Below, I look at a couple of comments left on this blog's most popular entry, which advises men not to date single mothers. It's received so many comments over the years that I'm thinking about posting a new entry for the sole purpose of allowing new comments on the topic. (Feel free to comment on this posting instead of the original one.)

What To Teach My Son?

My son currently insists he's never getting married. [This post is from January 2017. My son's thinking might have changed.]

He's still just a little kid, though, so it could still be the childhood "girls are yucky" sort of thing, or it could be more serious, such as seeing what my life is like as a husband. I try to put on a good face, but he is more than smart enough to observe the fact that I have to go work as much as I do and yet we have to watch our spending and that I spend much of my time at home being my wife's butler.

I know what I'm supposed to teach my son, according to the standard operation procedure of the subculture to which I belong: Stay "pure", go to college and/or the military, get a career, get married and make babies, and stay married at least until those babies are all grown, all while regularly attending church and giving "ten percent" and more to the church, in addition to time and effort serving in some capacity. And he should do this so... his sons can do the same thing, and their sons can do the same thing.

However, I can't, in good conscience, encourage a son of mine to enter into what our laws and culture now call marriage.

And there's the great paradox.