Sunday, March 11, 2018

Don't Make Promises You're Not Going to Keep

I'm convinced the most ideal family situation is a breadwinning father married to a homemmaker mother, who is a stay-with-kids mom, at least until the kids are all in school (Kindergarten or later), at which point she can work part-time. Having the father stay home instead is the next best thing.

This is what one of my favorite audio talk show hosts, Dr. Laura also preaches and teaches, much to the irritation of plenty of people, who talk as though daycare isn't almost always voluntary.

Dr. Laura claims that "in the day" men would rather die than see their wives working full time outside of the home and she talks as though men are ignoring their blaring natural inner voice when they pressure their wives to work. But how many of these men were "raised" by working mothers? How many of those mothers were divorced or never-married? A LOT! Furthermore, a lot of these men know that if their wife doesn't work, the courts are going so screw them (the husbands) over even more when there's a divorce, because the courts will say that the woman has greatly reduced earning potential and has been accustomed to being taken care of financially.

"But you shouldn't expect a divorce," say so many people.

Well, unfortunately, you should expect a divorce the same way you should expect that, eventually, you're going to be in an automobile accident. Chances are very high. First marriages end in divorce 33-40% of the time, and something like 70+% of the time, the wife is the one who files. (And don't forget how many of the women complain that their husband wasn't around enough, because he was out being the sole provider for her and the kids!)

Dr. Laura rightly points out what the needs of children are, and she asks callers to think, if they were an infant or toddler, who they'd want raising them... a loving mother, a nanny, or a daycare.

As far as convincing their husbands, Dr. Laura tells the women not to ask, but to announce they are going to stay home (so much for decisions being made together), and that they're going to budget to make it work, and that the husband will get home cooked meals, and a bunch of other nice things, and a washed, perfumed, eager-for-sex wife.

It's one thing for the caller to agree to this while on the phone with Dr. Laura, having visions of not having to deal with the hassles of outside employment and getting to be with their children, who Dr. Laura talks about doing cute things, but it is a far different matter for these women to actually follow through with it.

There are SAHMs who don't budget, who don't cook, and who are not enthusiastic lovers. In fact, they say they can't feel sexy because they've been dealing with screaming, defiant toddlers all day. How many husbands come home to wives who are in sweats or mom jeans, ever fatter than the day before, irritated and resentful that her husband gets to escape the toddler vomit? How many of those husbands have to go and microwave themselves some dinner? A lot. A lot of today's women have no desire to be SAHMs and wives and no clue as to how to find joy in doing it.

What then? If the husband says he thought things were going to be different, he's called an insensitive misogynist who doesn't appreciate everything she's done.

Like I started off this entry, I do believe Dr. Laura has it right in so far as married life goes.

But I no longer advocate getting legally married and having children. I think most men should avoid doing such a self-destructive thing and instead aspire to other achievements.

"But what about continuing civilization and replacing yourself!?!" some people cry.

What about it? At some point men have to opt out of such a game until things change, if they ever will. And plenty of people will have more than enough children to grow the world population. It worries some people to no end that more of the children in the future will have darker skin, but it doesn't bother me in the slightest.

You know who is replacing me? A son who apparently inherited the worse of my paternal-side temper and my wife's family's mental illnesses, and has probably been traumatized by his mother's self-destructive actions. He's a brilliant kid. Very smart. But unless a drastic change is made, he's never going to be a good husband and father, nor a good employee, and will either kill himself or is going to have an out-of-control emotional outburst with an armed civilian or a police officer that is going to result in him being shot to death. I hate to think that way, but that's what looks likely to me. All of the money and time I'm spending to try to avoid that doesn't seem to be doing much good.  But hey, when I'm eating dog food if I live long enough to retire, it'll all be worth it, right?

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